The Masculinity Crisis: A Generation Of Hopeless Men

masculinity is in a crisis all around the globe creators and niches like self-improvement the red pill or anything else related to these categories are talking about the war on masculinity why do you think there is such a crisis of masculinity feminism has creeped into the mainstream like this man spends his day lying in bed surrounded by screams and I have to admit I don't necessarily agree with a lot of what they say but hear me out because what I'm suggesting isn't to disband masculinity completely I just think we need to upgrade the way we harness

its power when I was young I went through a similar crisis that many young teenage men are facing these days I had absolutely no clue what it meant to really be a man I'd see Heroes and male protagonists in movies like The Dark Knights Gladiator and even taken being portrayed as an Unstoppable force of nature packed with Brawn grit and muscle and I'd wonder if that was what I needed to Aspire to be my everyday life wasn't filled with much of the same though in school most of the teachers I had growing up were women

and what the man I was closest to my father was really good at was encouraging me to play a bunch of sports like soccer baseball and hockey those things fueled my competitiveness and made me feel like I was tackling big accomplishments as I thought a man should be but when it came to the other more personal Realms of my life I was left extremely confused I didn't know how I should treat or talk to women battle through hardships and especially manage my emotions by the end of middle school and all throughout High School I found

myself associated with the more popular guys in my grade A group of Rowdy in your face party-goers who like to funnel several beers at once be degenerates and hook up with tons of girls and because of everything I had seen portrayed in my life up until that point along with the fact that I had no real sense of what it meant to be manly I took part in these behaviors in an effort to feel more like a man but I have to admit a lot of the stuff we did back then I took part in

because it actually was just a really fun time but regardless of this Association and the fact that I took part in all these behaviors I still felt like the least masculine out of all my friends they would all have such an easy time talking to girls and sleeping with them they would get into fights at parties when I didn't want to and they even did better in school in some sports than me and nothing made me feel like less of a man than not being able to get hard for almost an entire year with every

girl I try to sleep with in college all of these traditionally masculine rates I was trying to embody dominance aggression competitiveness and power were only leading me to feel more depressed and less masculine because I could not fully embrace them and in a world where three out of every four people that choose to stop living are men we have to ask this crucial question what parts of traditional masculinity are making men no longer want to live that make men feel worse rather than better and what parts of traditional masculinity genuinely help men live better lives

for themselves and those around them there isn't going to be a straight answer that will apply to every single man out there but today I'm going to try and Tackle this question as comprehensively as I can first we need to identify what masculinity even is in the traditional sense masculinity is a set of traits or attributes that are regarded as characteristic of men but you can see anyone exude masculine characteristics not just men we've already gone over four traits commonly associated with masculinity which are dominance power aggression and competitive this but I want to combine

and add these to Three core masculine traits that I want to go over in detail and those three traits are strength assertiveness and Leadership so let's start by going over what is touted as the golden trait of masculinity strength and I'm not just talking about physical strength I'm talking about being mentally strong as well if you're a frequent viewer of my channel it's likely you've come across these reject modernity Embrace masculinity videos on YouTube they all follow the same formula start by showing some weak men doing modern things like eating too much junk food putting

on dresses on Tick Tock or simping over twitch streamers followed by what you should really be which usually displays men lifting weights being firefighters athletes or competitive Fighters all activities that require some sort of physical prowess I'm not gonna lie to you A lot of these videos are incredibly inspiring when I put one of these on before my workouts then blast some hard style while pretending I'm one of those icons from the video it gives me a huge boost of motive and strength but as with any masculinity message I think the whole idea behind being

stronger can be misconstrued and also just be toxic you see physical strength is usually determined by a couple key factors testosterone and muscle something positive that I think these videos indirectly underlines is the importance of bringing to awareness the declining testosterone rates in men for the past few decades testosterone is something that is closely intertwined with masculinity it makes men feel more energetic it makes them want to go after what they want and it makes them generally happier there's no doubt that the decline in testosterone rates could be one of the reasons for depression being

on the rise in men as low testosterone and being depressed are highly correlated this indirect intention that one should boost their testosterone and have more strength and vigor for life from these masculinity videos I believe is a big positive good clean dieting and consistent exercise is appearing to become less and less valued at least in American culture but let's dive dive deeper into this whole idea behind being physically strong a lot of these videos only depict people who are extremely muscular and massive for a young impressionable teenager this is what the ideal man is for

them screw anything else if they can just be massive and muscular then people will respect them for how manly they are but I disagree with the idea that having a more muscular physique makes you more of a man if you are pursuing a strong aesthetic body because you want to be able to Tower over people and dominate them and have people be intimidated by you you are subconsciously telling yourself that you are afraid to have any vulnerable points you are only pursuing a better body in a pursuit to cover up your past traumas and insecurities

and suppress them at all costs because many men are taught to do just that this is why you can be the most physically dominant man in the room but still be the weakest in every other area and when that is the case you are just as fragile as the man who has no muscles and the same amount of insecurities this is a part of traditional masculinity that I feel needs to be updated I feel like a lot of young guys stop themselves from pursuing something that they would enjoy that would be a benefit to their

lives such as being a singer a writer or something typically Associated as a more feminine career because they think society would value them less and it wouldn't be masculine of them to do so now as a man you'd want to assure that you are at the very least physically competent if you have no sort of strength or ability to move things and be agile and you're obese you should want to do something about it because it's probably contributing to your lack of energy and happiness but you shouldn't have to strive for this very unrealistic ideal

that's often portrayed in the media or online in order to feel masculine whether you're a soccer player engineer programmer skater writer singer or the like you are no less of a man than the guy with six-pack abs from the reject modernity videos and luckily a few of these videos actually portray men in other roles other than being super dominant muscular and masculine sometimes oh but Cole why do you lift weights then well it's engraved into who I am at this point I love the way it makes me feel I like the challenge that comes with

getting stronger and I want to be able to carry all my groceries from my car in one trip oh also not to mention the fact that a lot of these reject modernity Embrace masculinity videos are blatantly homophobic and lgbtq phobic which is something I really don't with putting down people like that in that way makes you much less of a man than more of it now let's talk about the even more controversial aspect of strength in men mental strength this is one of the most widely misunderstood parts of what it means to be masculine I

remember when I was a teenager and I was out to dinner with my parents and my sister and we were talking about how my sister was working through some sort of relationship issue my mom was suggesting seeking some sort of help and I was agreeing and we ended up talking about how great it is that there are so many resources now for those struggling with their mental health as a response my dad said something along the lines of we used to just tell people to get over it and it works too this I feel encapsulates

a part of traditional masculinity that has caused Decades of generational trauma in men when men are taught that being mentally strong means being able to bottle up your emotions and get rid of them somehow they are more likely to be depressed hopeless commit violent crimes and be verbally and physically abusive the problem is this aspect is really confusing we're told that Society will take advantage of and disdain men for being emotional and were also taught that women don't want an emotional man so if we're not supposed to show our emotions but the very fact that

we don't show our emotions makes us more out of touch with ourselves and therefore leads us to do negative things what is a man to do the answer is not as clear as I'd like it to be the paradoxical thing that I've realized is that in order to establish more emotional control and maturity and therefore be less emotional you must find a way to feel and express your emotions somehow now knowing when to do this is really the most important part there are some situations in which people will take advantage of you if you're being

super emotional for example if you're super depressed and repeatedly crying about how you hate your life in front of your girlfriend or some girl that you're interested in and that women has not yet established a strong bond with you or her emotional intelligence immaturity is quite low then yes she's probably gonna lose attraction for you but if you're with let's say one or both of your parents who you know won't judge you and you just need to let it out and get everything off your chest then you should absolutely do it because nothing gets resolved

or healed by suppressing it and that's what a lot of us men were taught to do in order to cope with our more emotional side from a young age again I think this is where traditional masculinity falls short it's very disappointing to me to still see so many teenagers and adults making fun of men for showing their emotions part of it definitely comes from these beliefs about what it means to be a man and what's acceptable as a man that's been passed down for Generations in society but part of it is also due to most

people still being controlled by their more primitive brain areas which is something I'm gonna bring up repeatedly throughout this video when humans were fighting for their survival every day they knew that if they stuck to the people who could be fearless and stoic in the face of danger they'd have a better chance of surviving and so people naturally gravitated towards and were attracted to the people that looked like they had their together at all times many of us are still functioning on that same primitive level which is very advantageous for survival but is lacking in

empathy and self-discovery we need to start to get to the point as a society to break past these more primitive level brain areas allow men to speak up and get the help they need from other men or anyone else without being so heavily judged because when we allow this to happen it creates what I believe to be a truly good man emotionlessness is not the masculinity we should be aspiring towards emotional maturity is and that only comes when we can find and create more safe spaces for men to talk about these Mass of expectations that

are put on them to either be happy or emotionless make tons of money have a muscular physique and be able to dominate everything and everyone in order to be a man luckily like I talked about in that story earlier things like therapy are becoming more widely available and accessible and if you are struggling with expressing your emotions and feeling heard right now then I highly suggest better help if you've been on my channel for a while you've probably heard me talk about better help they will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed

professional therapist betterhelp has helped over 2 million people live happier healthier lives and they have over 20 000 therapists on their platform and are adding more to meet demand as of right now it's still very difficult for men to find that safe space especially if they don't have parents who are very understanding of their emotions so that's why I think therapy is so important and I know that when I went to therapy a couple times at the start of this year in 2022 just having someone to talk to about what I was going through even

if they didn't provide me like really good Solutions helped me immensely on betterhelp you can start communicating within 48 hours and the service is available for clients worldwide you can log into your account at any time and send a message to your therapist and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so you won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room as with traditional therapy betterhelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches for you so it's free and easy to change your therapist at every time if

you find the therapist they match you with is not working for you and it's more affordable than traditional offline therapy and financial aid is available so if you're interested in finally getting the help you need and opening up and expressing your emotions to someone you can visit betterhelp.com coal that is better help.com coal you can join the over 2 million members who are helping to improve the relationships with themselves and others and there's a special offer for listeners on my channel you can get 10 off your first month by going to betterhelp.com coal and thank

you to betterhelp for sponsoring this video so in short being mentally strong isn't about showing no emotions or only showing the emotions of dominance power and aggressiveness it's about not letting your emotions be bottled up so that they don't come out in the many different forms of abuse like bullying self-harm and domestic violence and coming more in tune to your emotional needs that are closely associated with the more feminine aspects of nature like the need to be nurtured cared for and understood again I found a very paradoxical thing to happen when you start to do

this when you learn to harness the more feminine aspects of your human nature your ability to battle adversity in tough times actually gets stronger which is counter-intuitive to what we've been taught like dude it's okay to want a hug it's okay to not be okay find a healthy way to open up about what you're going through and I promise you your ability to remain more masculine in the good ways will significantly improve alright we've tackled the biggest core traits now let's move on to assertiveness if you want to be masculine you have to assert yourself

in this world you want to be able to say this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it and you never want to be dishonest to yourself and others about what it is you want and need but the way in which much of traditional masculinity approaches how to be more assertive isn't even really assertiveness it's much more attuned to being passive aggressive or actively aggressive you see on the two sides of the spectrum we have assertiveness and passiveness someone who is passive is a massive people pleaser they always put other

people's needs in front of theirs their emotionally dishonest in an effort to not offend anyone they are indirect with their words and they overly apologize this is the very opposite of what someone who is competent and emotionally mature AKA a man does next to that is passive aggressiveness when you are passive aggressive you are still being emotionally dishonest and indirect with your actions and words but instead you are subtly making it clear that your rights and needs Prevail over others a good example of this is someone who gaslights you for not doing what they want

and they make you question question whether you're doing the right thing or if you're actually a good person if they say things like don't you think you're overreacting a little or it wasn't even a big deal you're just being emotional they're being passive aggressive again this is not really something that most people would regard as traditionally masculine but it gets closer to the line of traditional masculinity in that it puts your needs and wants above everyone else's then there's the traditional masculine aggression this is when you are direct and honest even if it's inappropriate and

severely hurts others you attack and blame others and you do whatever it is you want to do and get whatever you want to get at the expense of others this type of masculine energy comes out when you haven't developed your emotional maturity and you were taught at a young age to dominate over everyone and always put yourself first which is what a lot of young guys with an old father figure are taught again this is coming from our more primitive brain areas that see everything as a battle for survival but the repeating problem with the

Primitive brain areas is that although they are incredibly useful they rarely take into account other people's right rights and needs and only optimize for the ego's survival this is not how masculinity should be true healthy assertiveness takes into account the rights and needs of everyone involved the goal is not to ignore and disrespect others as some teachers of traditional masculinity suggest but to allow them to communicate and for you to be empathetic of their beliefs and needs while sticking to your own beliefs and needs you want to be direct and honest not manipulative and hostile

you want to be flexible but firm with your decisions so assertiveness is an excellent trait for any man to develop so long as it isn't done in an overly aggressive unempathetic way and by virtue of being considerate an empathetic dominance no longer becomes the main masculine goal now if we're talking about what women like in bed and whether you should be dominant in that realm of life that's a different story and varies from Woman to Woman lastly we have the final core trait of masculinity leadership more often than not men have this innate desire to

want to help to build upon something and improve we want to feel like we're purposefully contributing and leading something and if it's not anything outside of us then at the very least leading ourselves it's why the vast majority of self-improvement channels are male dominated and I think it explains why around 90 of the people who watch my videos are men but I have to wonder how much of men's strong desire to want to be better improve and Lead comes from a genuine innate desire and how much of it is societal pressure telling us that that's

what makes us a man the problem with this is it's just not possible for every single person in the world to be a leader think about something like an army Corporation or sports team would these things run effectively if every single male on it was trying to lead and be seen as a leader no it wouldn't of course men tend to have more qualities associated with being a good leader like being assertive protective and providing but that doesn't necessarily mean that every single man is going to find themselves in a leadership role this idea that

we're all in a competition with one another to dominate one another while as true as it might be in some areas of life can do a lot of harm if a man is basing his entire worth on whether he's in a leadership role or not and much of traditional masculinity assumes that a truly worthy masculine man is leading an entire tribe of individuals is providing for an entire family or is a big time CEO or entrepreneur until you achieve one or more of these things then you cannot be considered a man again this is an

outdated concept you should want to improve yourself you should want to stop distracting yourself with an abundance of comfort and pleasure and do challenging things that aren't instantly gratifying but you don't need to dominate and be above everyone and everything around you so what am I trying to get at with all this the solution to this generation's current problems isn't to revert back to past tradition it's to focus on simply being a good person who can stop the cycle of generational trauma passed on to us from previous generations by not being so tied down by

a singular masculine ideal it blows my mind how many people think that going back to past Traditions can help us solve present day problems and forcing people to marry again or be a very particular type of man or woman or have a nuclear family these things aren't going to magically make everything better Traditional Values and forcing people to live a very certain life and be a certain person in order to have value are what led the world and specifically men to start feeling like they no longer want to exist in the first place no what

we need is to transcend the idea of traditional masculinity entirely whether you're a man or a woman we all need to stop being so controlled by our Primal desires and harness them for good instead of let them run rampant and abuse mistreat and look down upon others it doesn't mean we start demonizing masculine traits and feminizing Men because truly healthy masculine traits like providing for others building things getting mentally and physically stronger being honest and assertive are an incredible benefit to society in means we scrap the idea of the one percent ideal high value man

archetype and instead focus on how each person individually can come to adopt and develop these traits in their own way men you are no less of a man if you don't have a wife and kids aren't musculars don't have money or you don't dominate every role that you find yourself in now if you believe that's truly who you are and what you want and you truly believe that that's what will bring you the most fulfillment then by all means do that but don't let your anger dominance aggression and arrogance start to get out of control

and make you become destructive you want to be an e-boy and go paint your nails then go do it to me that doesn't make you weak you can transcend the roles of traditional masculinity and be more of a man than even the most hyper masculine man you can think of as long as you're just being a good [ __ ] person I know that your path may not be as determined and direct for you as it was in previous generations and the idea that you can be these different types of men and still be a

good man is scary to you it's confusing and it makes you feel lost and makes you feel like you don't know what to expect out of yourself in order to feel like you have purpose but like any strong competent person should do Embrace this freedom to carve out your own path of manhood and focus on being a good understanding person and maybe just maybe if we do that we can end the destructive cycle of men wanting to do bad things to their partners and children going to Violent extremes or wanting to end themselves I know

you probably have a lot of your own thoughts that you want to add or criticize to this video so leave them in the comments and thank you to all my patrons on patreon who are helping to support my channel if you don't know what this is It's a platform separate from YouTube where I'm putting out exclusive content you can talk to me one-on-one over the phone on there if you want to check that out the link is in the description now if you want to hear me talk about these more modern issues that all of

us are facing right now check out this video which might give you some insight into why people are depressed I love you guys I hope you took a good message away from this video and peace