The Science Of Why You're So Awkward

you just clicked on this video that means you're either curious or painfully uncomfortable to be around if you happen to be the lad do not fret science can alleviate your troubles including but not limited to awkward silence awkward commentary and awkward positions three completely different things that can all make you want to live in a cave and never see a human face again in fact a study done by the University of Michigan shows that physical pain and intense feelings of awkward hurt in the same way meaning that stubbing your toe and accidentally liking an Instagram

photo from 2013 activate the same part of the brain but that's just an awkward situation like say you go in for a handshake with your bro and you and bro both use different methods after an encounter like this most people are going to openly display embarrassment this is actually a good thing it shows that you understand smooth social exchanges and that your failed handshake was not one of them in fact the worst thing you can do is be awkward without displaying that you feel awkward research has shown that if you have little to know reaction

to an uncomfortable or awkward situation you're seen as less trustworthy but some people are just awkward as a person as a whole they're just a big ball of awkward and there are three big traits that might make an awkward person awkward award trait number one hands what to do with your 10 little sausages well it can vary from culture to culture but according to most experts A good rule of thumb is if you're more open you seem more comfortable and if you're more closed you seem uncomfortable and if you're uncomfortable the people around you feel

uncomfortable making you awkward to be around so keep your body open the best way to do this while speaking is to keep your palms up and move them accordingly to important points in conversation but you're not going to be waving your hands around with your palms up when the other person is talking that'd be weird and a little scary so what then again good rule of thumb keep your body open that means avoid putting your hands in your pockets or folding your arms now it might seem like I've just eliminated every natural thing you could

possibly do with your hands but I didn't for example when you're sitting you got the hands behind the head the chin hand combo or your classic armrest position for standing the hands behind the back is always reliable on the hips Works in most situations and just leaving them at your side while the other person is talking isn't necessarily bad Aqua trait number two eye contact what you'll hear from a lot of social skill coaches is 80% eye contact 20% eye wandering and that's decent advice but it's not going to apply to every situation for example

a study at the University of Friberg had participants do something socially inappropriate or awkward by reading off 50 instances of flaming on the internet directed at the experiment for half of the participants the experimenter would hold direct eye contact and the participants were asked to do the same for the other half the experimentor would look at their notes without ever looking up by looking at heart rate participant hesitation and just asking the experimenters concluded that the Unbreaking eye contact significantly increased embarrassment and worsened mood there are appropriate times and inappropriate times for eye contact someone's

done something awkward forcing eye contact is going to make the situation 10 times more awkward but if you're just in casual conversation and you don't make eye contact you'll be seen as bored or Worse nervous awkward trait number three personal bubbles in this Society a violation of the personal bubble is of the utmost punishable offenses 12 to 18 in at least and unless you're side by side because for some reason pretty much everyone's bubble is more of an oval shape and extends in front more than it extends to the side but if I can tell

you what you ate for breakfast there's a serious problem in fact by hooking people up with some wires and looking at the electrical characteristics of their skin we can observe the closer someone you don't know very well stands the more objectively uncomfortable your nervous system gets in other words the bubble needs to be respected so we have hands eyes and space but these three things are really just the most common examples of breaking social expectations so is there any consistent way to score awkwardness according to this guy who has a PHD in awkward and has

wrote a book on it kind of is he claims that awkward can be measured using the autism spectrum inventory that might sound strange but hear me out 26 points is required for a diagnosis and while while you might expect your average Joe to score to zero the average score is actually around 16 and Dr toshiro claims that anything in between these two numbers is what we perceive as awkward he claims this because awkwardness is really just social inconsistency I like that theory while it may very well be accurate some people just get really nervous in

social situations and that nervousness can cause awkwardness now we're talking about social anxiety and according to the National Library of Medicine the most effective treatment for social anxiety is exposure that's right you big ball of awkward the best way to become less scared of social interaction and subsequently less awkward is by willingly going out and being scared and awkward a tip I would have for you my socially anxious friend is to focus Less on yourself what you're going to say or anything about you and try and fully direct your attention onto the other person and

be genuinely as interested as possible in what they have to say when you have a question ask when you want them to expand on something ask want to know more about their dog named Julius ask eventually through trial and error things will start to come naturally and you will emerge from your awkward cocoon into a social butterfly thank you for coming to my TED Talk your total for the exit fee is going to come out to one subscribe and I'm American so I'm going to flip this tablet around and you're going to tip me and

if you don't it's going to be really awkward