The Secret Psychology of "Ignoring" a Girl

how much of your attention should you be giving a woman you're interested in does ignoring a woman make her want you more or does it make her forget about you in this video we're going to be talking about the secret psychology of ignoring a woman and how to make sure you're doing it right hi my name is bobby rio and i i get questions all the time from clients and in fact i was working with a client just recently who said that he was afraid that if he wasn't contacting this woman that he was talking

to that she was going to forget about him i had asked him why he felt the need to always be texting her and always be asking her to hang out and his mindset was well if i'm not contacting her out of sight out of mind won't she forget about me and i realize that a lot of guys have this fear and not only does this fear actually cause them to ruin a woman's interest which is what happened in my client's case but it also prevents them from taking advantage of some really powerful psychology that makes

a woman pursue you that makes a woman chase you and becomes way more interested in you so that's why i'm going to be talking about the psychology of ignoring a woman and one of the things i always ask a client when they get nervous when they say well if i don't respond to her text right away or if i if i um you know if i cancel plans with her one night won't it make her want me less won't it make her say screw this guy forget about him and a very very simple question that

i always ask my clients and the answer is unanimous is when a woman does this to you do you want her more or less so when you text a woman things are going well you text a woman and then you don't hear back from her until the next day during that period where you're waiting for her to text you back do you forget about her or do you stare at your phone waiting for that text when you're all excited to hang out with a woman and at the last minute she cancels plans you might be

annoyed but do you want her more or less in that moment it's a very um counter-intuitive way of looking at it but it is really uh it's just the psychology of attraction is that when something is uncertain when something is slightly unavailable human nature says we want it more now i'm going to go through five reasons why this works and how to make sure you're doing it right but i do want to talk a second about what i mean by ignoring a woman so ignoring a woman means uh several things right it could mean the

examples that i gave where do you always text her back right away do you make a point every single day a lot of guys i work with they say to me well i text her every night good night and i text her when i wake up to see how she's doing so ignoring a woman might be just not sending those texts it might be when she sends you one of those texts you don't feel the urge to immediately respond you don't think you know you don't have this time sensitive pressure a lot of guys have

right when a woman texts us and we're not able to respond right away a lot of guys get really nervous they're like oh my god if i don't get back to her she's gonna she's gonna think i don't like her and she's gonna immediately go find some other guy that's what i mean by ignoring a woman is not feeling that pressure to respond to her all the time right away but it also means other things it also means maybe it's a woman from your social circle that you're interested in maybe it's a female friend that

you're interested in maybe it's a co-worker and when you see her in person do you always jump to say hi to her do you always run over to her do you always you know there's there's something called attention um you know your your attention currency how much of your intention currency are you giving her when you see her is she getting all of it like if you're at a party and your female friend is there does she get 90 of your attention or are you comfortable ignoring her at that party for a while when you

walk into work does that cute co-worker get all your attention or can you just go into work and not say hi to her and you know just kind of kind of do your own thing that's what we're talking about when we mean ignoring a woman um we're talking about uh withholding your attention that's what we mean we you know withholding your attention is is the way that we want to look at it so i want to go through this and i want to talk about five different um aspects of it right so the first aspect

that we're going to talk about is checking in because this is a big one this is something that i mean this is what essentially inspired this entire video is clients over and over who get really nervous when i tell them you don't have to check in checking in is when you're sending a woman a text just to to check in right you're really just like saying hey i'm still here i don't want you to forget about me right that's what you're doing you're not there's no real need to send that text except your neediness for

her reassurance the problem with it is that women are really good at sniffing this out so when you're checking in with her and you're doing it to get reassurance from her she kind of senses it and it comes across as needy now on the opposite side some guys will say well she texts me in the morning so shouldn't i respond right away isn't that nice is that the right thing to do well the problem with always responding right away is that human nature right when you talk about the psychology of ignoring a woman is human

nature places more value on things that are less available and an example that i gave a client once i said well imagine your favorite celebrity and you sent them an email would you expect them to respond to your email and you know the answer is usually no i wouldn't expect them because their attention is very valuable okay they don't really know you that well yet um but if they did respond you'd be oh that's awesome that guy you know that guy's cool that that celebrity is cool but what would happen if they if you wrote

them back and then they wrote you back and then now you're talking to them you go whoa like like i you're not as cool as i thought you were right like you have all the time in the world to be texting me on a very subconscious level a woman feels like that right because a very high value in demand man he in her mind he's got a lot of things going on so he doesn't have the time to to be texting every single second of the day right and she'll test you that's what guys don't

understand is that they'll say well she was texting me a lot i'm just kind of keeping up with her and it's like she's doing that to kind of see how much of this guy's attention can i get and if she gets it all really fast she places less value on it and eventually as in the case with the client that i was working with she'll begin to pull back because she values your attention less now the second aspect of the psychology of ignoring a woman is probably one of the most important aspects women equate longing

with love let me repeat that women equate longing with love so what i mean by that is in a woman's mind when she wants something that feeling of wanting a guy to text her that feeling of waiting up at night waiting to hear from you from from missing you that's how she imagines love to feel if you look at romance novels if you look at um you know any show geared towards women right if you if you look at uh back in the day sex in the city and you know the main character carrie she

eventually marries mr big right and throughout that series it was longing she never fully got his attention right so that feeling of longing she equates that with love and women do that all the time women equate longing with love and the problem nice guys have is that when you never ignore a woman when you give her all your attention she has nothing to long for right she doesn't get to she doesn't get that experience of when is he going to text me back because you text her back right away she doesn't have that experience of

when am i going to get to see him again because you always make yourself available for her when you walk into work she doesn't get that experience of is he going to come over to my desk and say hi to me today because you always come over to her desk and say hi you're depriving her of longing and that's why i often say nice guys will be like i just want to be me and you know screw her and it's like you think you're saying something noble like the nice guy thinks he's i'm being myself

but you're depriving her of what she really wants so is that really a good thing no you're being selfish you're depriving her of that experience of longing which is why the psychology of ignoring a woman is so powerful because it causes her to long for your attention the third um the third element of the psychology of ignoring a woman is a mental challenge just like women experience longing with love women crave a guy who is a mental challenge what do i mean by mental challenge mental challenge means that you're not so easy to figure out

does he like me does he not like me how much does he like me is he seeing other people right where where do i stand with this guy can i can i get this guy's full attention that's the challenge for a woman a lot of times um you know with with guys we come from the mindset right it's like uh can i sleep with her because a woman ultimately knows that every guy will will essentially sleep with her so that's sort of where she goes into it going i'm gonna not sleep with with this guy

fast so i'm gonna make him wait well for a guy it it's it's the opposite right for a guy it's i'm gonna keep her a little confused and make her work a little bit more for my attention and she likes that that is the mental challenge she likes going home and analyzing your behavior with her friends it's a woman thing right it's girl talk why didn't he call do you think he likes me like they and if you deprive her of that she loses interest because then she's around her friends and she's like oh yeah

it's going well but without that extra element of the challenge of figuring you out she feels like she's missing something and that's why she'll often say something's missing i don't feel that spark and it's because there is no mental challenge there so the next element of the psychology of um ignoring a woman is is probably one of the most powerful and this is something called hot and cold behavior and i know how powerful this is because not only does it work on me i've chased girls who have this sort of hot and cold behavior but

i've also had coaching guys for for uh over 13 years now and i see that they very often will chase a girl who's being hot and cold there is something fundamentally addicting about hot and cold behavior a lot of people say i hate when women do this and women say i hate when guys do this but universally we all chase hot and cold behavior and there's uh there's actually a scientific reason for that and it was something discovered by a psychologist b.f skinner and it's the psychology of unpredictable rewards so if you look at gambling

the reason gambling is so addictive is because there's always the moment of am i going to win or am i going to lose today right when that wheel that roulette wheel is spinning during that time where you're waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting and then the ball drops and either you win or you lose but that endorphin rush becomes addicting well in the dating game it's very similar meaning let's just say that you're you're you know you're dating a woman and sometimes you call her up and she's super happy to see you and then you see

her and you know she's got her hands all over you and then other days she's kind of distracted she's kind of cold and then every time you go to see her you don't know which one you're gonna get and it makes you crave the hotness now when i talked about you have to do this right right when i said the psychology of women ignoring a woman it's like if you're always cold if you're always ignoring a woman she will lose interest she'll think you're not interested she'll think maybe she'll think you're gay maybe she'll think

that um you know you you you met somebody else she will eventually lose interest if all you do is ignore her and on the other hand if all you do is give her all your attention she will lose interest it's a balancing act um and it's kind of like you always want to be conscious of am i moving too much in one direction and if you find that you've been giving her way way way too much attention pull your attention back for a little bit make her long for more of it so hot and cold

behavior is very addicting i don't if you actually think about it uh you'll probably understand it because it's probably happened to you it's happened to everybody where there's a woman maybe it's a woman at work and some days she comes over and she's all flirty and talkative and other days she just kind of goes about her thing and it's like you don't even exist and that woman is magnetic to us because first off she's a mental challenge right and we we kind of as guys like that mental challenge as well well women like it even

more so hot and cold behavior when it comes to ignoring a woman actually makes you more attractive but the final psychology of ignoring a woman and this is uh this is something i really try to stress with clients right and i always say that one of the most attractive qualities in a man is autonomy it's being independent it's being self-governing it's being uncontrolled by a woman and all of this it comes across as games to guys who are not autonomous what do i mean by that i mean when i tell a guy hey sometimes you

have to ignore a woman sometimes you have to not uh reply right away they say things like i don't want to play games and the reason they're saying i don't want to play games is because they do all these things naturally the reason they do all these things naturally is because they're not autonomous because they're putting their relationship with a specific woman ahead of everything else in their life but when you meet a guy who he's really focused on on a variety of different areas of his life right maybe he's got a career he's really

into and then he's really into his fitness and he has a lot of friends he naturally does all these things he naturally ignores a woman which makes this man really attractive so so it's not necessarily a game as it is in terms of just naturally becoming more autonomous the more things you have going on your life and the more willing you are to put those things first so here's an example uh imagine that you you're hanging out with this woman and you know you've been talking to her and she's really excited and she's like hey

tuesday i'm getting off of work early tuesday can i come over to your can i come over and see you and your first instinct is to say oh my god i like this woman too i want to see her but imagine that you had a run plan for that day right imagine you're training for a run and you want to get your you know you're training for a marathon or you're just you're just trying to stay in shape and you had at five o'clock on tuesday you had planned to go to this park and do

a five mile run the autonomous man tells the woman hey listen i'd love to see you but i've gotta i've got a run planned for that day maybe a little later in the evening or maybe we can we can do it another time that nice guy who is afraid of losing this woman who's afraid she's going to forget about him he will cancel that run to spend time with her and he'll rationalize it well i really want to spend time with her and i can do the run any other time but the reality is it's

coming from a place of fear it's coming from a place of if i if i don't see her she's going to forget about me if i say no to her she's not going to like me but the reality is is when you say to her you know what tuesday i had this run planned and i just don't want to skip it she's going to go he chose his run over me and that actually makes you more valuable to her because it shows her that you know you've got your own life you're not making her the

center of your attention right away now i'm not saying that you never ever ever ever can put a woman ahead of something in your life right there's going to be days where you can skip your run but the mentality is don't always skip the run don't always if you have a night out with your friend's plan and she says i really want to see you go out with your friends right most guys swing way too much in the opposite direction where it's like they're willing to to cut off their friends their hobbies anything to get

some attention sometime from a woman so you really need to make sure you're doing this right and this is one of the big reasons why in my scrambler video you can click the link below i talk about how it's it's really a step-by-step thing right because for a woman ultimately she wants to feel like she's slowly winning you over little by little bit by pitch she's getting more and more of your attention because you're slowly discovering how special she is how much you like her but you've got to be able to kind of draw her

in instead of doing it all at once because if she immediately realizes i have all this guy's attention she's going to quickly forget about you on the other hand if she feels like she's earning it she's gonna place more and more value on being with you and she's going to be the one chasing you so like i said i give a give a variety of techniques on exactly how to do this and and also more importantly i teach the overarching theme of slowly getting her working to win you over instead of the other way around

you can click the link below it's a video where i teach my scrambler technique and if you like this video hit like subscribe and leave me a comment and let me know what you want to see in my next video you