ever since I can remember I had a distinct feeling that I do not belong here and that this place is not my home I grew up with an abusive father whose violence was unpredictable daily he also hit my mother and my sister my parents divorced when I was 12 part of me was relieved and other part of me was sad from huge changes my older sister sister went off to college in another state my mother was very depressed although she was very good kind and supportive of me I started hanging out with the wrong crowd
some of my friends were nice and had Integrity others seemed to violate my trust I ran away from home when I was 15 years old I had very terrifying experiences on the streets like being kidnapped by a psychotic cocaine dealer I have PTSD that started with my father when I was young now I'd rather be alone with only a few friends that I can truly trust rather than try to please others like I did before in 1989 I felt like I had been through a personal war with many heartless Predators I was having my grains
and headaches every day for months and I just couldn't take it anymore I was emotionally destroyed I felt like my mom was falling apart I had no other family for my support system and I was surrounded by the wrong people who were so corrupt and immoral I went back onto my water bed and was waiting for all of those pills I took with the Vodka to start taking effect there was no particular thought at first just a feeling it was a powerful feeling I was telling my body it's time time for me to go now
I wanted to go and was ready to let it all go right then I felt this bizarre large thump in my chest then everything started going dark a few seconds later I suddenly found myself looking down on my best friend's head and understanding that she was crying frantic and calling for my mother my mother ran into the room initially I didn't understand what was happening I thought it was odd that they were having some kind of panic over someone in my bed and I didn't understand who was in my bed then I looked down closer
and saw a familiar face I was stunned for a moment realizing oh that's my body poor thing Goodbye old friend I thought to myself I feel slightly guilty that I was only a little worried about my mom being sad if I died but I felt like she would be okay in about a year suddenly I felt this incredible Freedom it was like a rush of immense joy and Liberation I was no longer limited by my body and I could just completely be myself I felt confident even Brave I was was floating upwards but not too
fast I saw everything but with added colors added textures and even added feelings it sounds a little funny but even the molecules in the wood in the ceiling that I floated through had some type of stagnant energy I saw the roof of my townhouse complex and the pool then I started going a little faster suddenly I was past the clouds and into the stars I could see the moon but it had a different kind of hue around it it was the same Moon that I've always cherished but the glow now showed a purple Hue in
fact I could see purple almost everywhere until I entered the churning Blackness I didn't understand it until later but I was seeing reflections of other spiritual energy that was like me but in the universe I entered into an area that was farther away from the stars and darker but I was so focused on exploring this whole new feeling of Freedom that I wasn't really paying attention it's almost like I just wandered right in not even thinking about my safety it was all new and exciting I was getting used to my new senses the new reality
and realizing that I was able to see so so much despite not having eyes this place of Darkness that I had gradually entered into was like a giant area of thick Blackness that was churning into itself it had a dull Roar type of low hum in the background it was a substance that was moving very slowly in a predictable Direction I didn't feel like it was good or bad but rather it was neutral [Music] after a moment I knew that other beings were coming closer to me I also knew that they were unfriendly with bad
intentions towards me I suddenly felt very vulnerable having no idea if I even had any form of protection or power to avoid these negative beings as they got closer I felt who they were I felt their feelings thoughts and personalities I knew that they were never humans but I didn't understand what they were they were creatures who started reading my thoughts I didn't want them to do that because it was scaring me then their thoughts and feelings started intruding on my thoughts and I didn't want that either I didn't know what was happening or how
to stop [Music] it the followers of the lead creature did not have eyes noses or a mouth they didn't have body structures like what you would think of as typical or normal it was like they were contortions of wretched anguish and misery the leader was gigantic with some red and orange colors in it and about 18 or 20 ft tall this being was not male or female it was a monster with no gender while while it did not have a physical body its energy was like a deeply intelligent being like a deranged serial killer of
the innocent I could sense its heartlessness and vindictiveness as they got closer to me the leader used a strange voice of rage and it hated me and I mean really hated me I asked it bluntly why are you so angry at me who are you I don't understand and why you hate me so much the first thing it said to me was don't you even know who you are and I replied no who am I the leader seemed to be exploding at this point it said God the Father you don't even know you're a child
of the father it's not fair you should be just as doomed as we are that's when I started to really have a feeling of Terror I called out immediately Jesus Save Me I'm Scared Jesus where are you help me I knew instantly that I would be rescued then the light of Jesus rapidly moved towards me the demons immediately started backing away I was suddenly pulled out of the churning Blackness and into a tunnel of light it was filled with beautiful powerful light I knew I was completely safe and surrounded by love goodness on wisdom and
authority Jesus embraced me he was not in a body but was a being a light in the brightest white golden light it did not hurt my eyes the bright white golden light is all about what is good healthy kind and loyal it also is safety integrity trustworthiness honesty omniscience and kingly when he embraced my soul into his soul it was like every bit of pain in my spirit was cleansed and healed but this was only during the Embrace Jesus Christ's Spirit was like the equivalent of 500 ft wide and 1,000 ft tall I instantly knew
it was him and he reassured me and calmed me down he told me that since I was already there with him that he was going to show me my life to help me understand about many things so that I would be more patient when I returned to my body I refused to go back into my body he was very patient and very gentle with me he knew I was upset and he was determined to have me calm down trust and listen to him so I did I was so indescribably happy and more at peace than
ever before in my entire lifetime I was willing to listen to whatever he wanted to tell me where we were it was like a part of heaven but I didn't see any relatives or anything this was like a special place reserved for me I say reserved like I was in a different section of Heaven during my Life review I felt and saw everything I had ever said or done I saw every impact I had on others whether intentional or not like a ripple on the water he showed me my very essence and he explained that
different Souls have different roles depending on who they originated from and what they did with themselves regardless of the situations most important of all was how they responded to love or goodness overall Jesus told me that not only did I have enough goodness in me but that despite a few weaknesses that I will mature and that I am destined to Go to Heaven by virtue of who I am I asked who am I then why is this such a big deal who I am Jesus explained that there are different levels of goodness some people have
potential for goodness and they can get into heaven some people are basically born with so much goodness already in them that they don't have to try very hard to get into heaven then there are those who were descendants of God's original energy who God is drawing back unto himself I told Jesus that I didn't understand God and that I was still a little bit mad at God for allowing all of the suffering on Earth Jesus told me that it was basically ridiculous of me to be mad at God because that's like being mad at my
own arm or leg he said that we all have spiritual jobs to complete on Earth I told Jesus that whatever my job is I don't want it and I'm too tired to do it anymore I feel like Jesus almost laughed but it was like he was slightly amused and simultaneously worried about me Jesus and I had instantaneous communication Jesus told me that there have been many Souls like me around the world whose job it is to be God's Witnesses he said that is why I go through so much suffering and experience so much evil it
is not because I am evil but because evil wants to destroy anyone and anything that is good evil Works through people's weaknesses Jesus showed me part of God's order of the universe and he said that the one thing I'm not allowed to bring back with me is that knowledge of how it all works he explained that the knowledge would interfere with my spiritual growth the only thing I remember about that part is concluding that it was so complicated that there's no way anyone could understand it in the first place I finally understood that Jesus was
going to send me back into my body no matter how much I protested I needed to finish my job in this life for myself and for God I was still a little sad because I I did not want to leave him and I loved being around him in 2004 I got to that point again just like 1989 when I just couldn't take it anymore I was in physical pain felt extreme loneliness and the people I surrounded myself with were just using me and not being there for me when I needed support or help I tried
to myself again I hoped that I would just never wake up after taking pills I think my entire system was so overloaded with poison and the intensity of stress that it caused the whole left side of my body to go limp my arm felt weird and heavy I think I had a TIA stroke but I'll never know for sure I literally felt what seemed like a deep Thunder it was a voice that I felt both in and outside of my head tell me a authoritatively that I am with you you can do this do not
step out of your place I started crying and hyperventilating all I know is right after that I feel like I left my body for the second time in my life I recognized going through the ceiling and going through space as I passed the stars but this time when I saw that darkness and the distance I avoided it I called out for Jesus again I saw Jesus as the beautiful bright familiar Light Of Love again but this time behind him there was a new presence I had never seen before the presence filled the entire space or
sky around us it was like a horizon of spirit that was so gargantuan like Jesus Christ time 20 billion it was God God the father told me in strict terms that I cannot Escape my body body again that I will finish my job on Earth this was not just for his glory but for my own spiritual State he said that if I ever try to commit suicide again that he has the power to intervene and send one of his other children to stop me or make any other Su attempt fail I was a little scared
and very sad and a bit ashamed I cried out to him like I never have before what can I do I have no family to help me I feel so alone almighty God then said to me in a booming voice but in a very loving way without hurting me you have not been alone for even one moment in your entire life I've been there ready to be with you as soon as you reach for me as soon as you ask for me I also worked through my gift to you of Jesus Christ I love you
and you are my child I will say it again so you will remember you are my child and I love you God showed me something like a movie he showed me how much I've grown spiritually even though I may not know it yet God told me that he's proud of me and that I am almost finished he said that if I can just complete my work here all of my eternity will be filled with the love and peace that I need I apologized to God and told him that I will do my best and that
I will try to remind myself that this suffering in this life and in my body will all be forgotten when I will be allowed to stay in heaven both God and Jesus reassured me that I will absolutely go to heaven because that is my destiny when I'm finished with my spiritual journey and I've completed my work for God then I will fit perfectly into God's Mighty puzzle