The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene Full Audiobook Part 1

thank you for choosing the Audi book today's chapter is about the law of human nature written by Robert Green before we start hit that subscribe and like button now and open the door to a world of literary wonders introduction if you come across any special trait of meanness or stupidity you must be careful not to let it annoy or distress you but to look upon it merely as an addition to your knowledge a new fact to be considered in studying the character of humanity your attitude toward W it will be that of the minerology who

stumbles upon a very characteristic specimen of a mineral Arthur schopenhauer throughout the course of Our Lives we inevitably have to deal with a variety of individuals who stir up trouble and make our lives difficult and unpleasant some of these individuals are leaders or bosses some are colleagues and some are friends they can be aggressive or passive aggressive but they are generally Masters at playing on our emotions they often appear charming and refreshingly confident brimming with ideas and enthusiasm and we fall under their spell only when it is too late do we discover that their confidence

is irrational and their ideas illc conceived among colleagues they can be those who sabotage our work or careers out of secret Envy excited to bring us down or they could be colleagues or hires who reveal to our dismay that they are completely out for themselves using us as stepping stones what inevitably happens in these situations is that we are caught off guard not expecting such Behavior often these types will hit us with elaborate cover stories to justify their actions or blame handy scapegoats they know how to confuse us and draw us into a drama they

control we might protest or become angry but in the end we feel rather helpless the damage is done then another such type enters our life and the same story repeats itself we often notice a similar sensation of confusion and helplessness when when it comes to ourselves and our own behavior for instance we suddenly say something that offends our boss or colleague or friend we are not quite sure where it came from but we are frustrated to find that some anger and tension from within has leaked out in a way that we regret or perhaps we

enthusiastically throw our weight into some project or scheme only to realize it was quite foolish and a terrible waste of time or perhaps we fall in love with a person who is precisely the wrong type for us and we know it but but we cannot help ourselves what has come over us we wonder in these situations we catch ourselves falling into self-destructive patterns of behavior that we cannot seem to control it is as if we Harbor A Stranger Within us a little demon who operates independently of our willpower and pushes us into doing the wrong

things and this Stranger Within us is rather weird or at least weirder than how we imagine ourselves what we can say about these two things people's ugly actions and our own occasionally surprising behavior is that we usually have no clue as to what causes them we might latch onto some simple explanations that person is evil a sociopath or something came over me I wasn't myself but such Pat descriptions do not lead to any understanding or prevent the same patterns from recurring the truth is that we humans live on the surface reacting emotionally to what people

say and do we form opinions of others and ourselves that are rather simplified we settle for the easiest and most convenient story to tell ourselves what if however we could dive below the surface and see deep within getting closer to the actual roots of what causes human behavior what if we could understand why some people turn envious and try to sabotage our work or why their misplaced confidence causes them to imagine themselves as Godlike and infallible what if we could truly fathom why people suddenly behave irrationally and reveal a much darker side to their character

or why they are always ready to provide a rationalization for their behavior or why we continually turn to leaders who appeal to the worst in us what if we could look deep inside and judge people's character avoiding the bad hires and personal relationships that cause us so much emotional damage if we really understood the roots of human behavior it would be much harder for the more destructive types to continually get away with their actions we would not be so easily Charmed and misled we would be able to anticipate their nasty and manipulative Maneuvers and see

through their cover stories we would not allow ourselves to get dragged into their dramas knowing in advance that our interest is what they depend on for their control we would finally Rob them of their power through our ability to look into the depths of their character similarly with ourselves what if we could look within and see the source of our more troubling emotions and why they drive our Behavior often against our own wishes what if we could understand why we are so compelled to desire what other people have or to identify so strongly with a

group that we feel contempt for those who are on the outside what if we could find out what causes us to lie about who we are or to inadvertently push people away being able to understand more clearly that Stranger Within us would help us to realize that it is not a stranger at all but very much a part of ourselves and that we are far more mysterious complex and interesting than we had imagined and with that awareness we would be able to break the negative patterns in our lives stop making excuses for ourselves and gain

better control of what we do and what happens to us having such clarity about ourselves and others could change the course of our lives in so many ways but first we must clear up a common misconception we tend to think of our Behavior as largely conscious and willed to imagine that we are not always in control of what we do is a frightening thought but in fact it is the reality we are subject to forces from deep within us that drive our behavior and that operate below the level of our awareness we see the results

our thoughts moods and actions but have little conscious access to what actually moves our emotions and compels us to behave in certain ways look at our anger for instance we usually identify an individual or a group as the cause of this emotion but if we were honest and dug down deeper we would see that what often triggers our anger or frustration has deep Roots it could be something in our childhood or some particular set of circumstances that triggers the emotion we can discern distinct patterns if we look when this or that happens we get angry

but in the moment that we feel anger we are not reflective or rational we merely ride the emotion and point fingers we could say something similar about a whole slew of emotions that we feel specific types of events trigger sudden confidence or insecurity or anxiety or attraction ction to a particular person or hunger for attention let us call the collection of these forces that push and pull at us from deep within human nature human nature stems from the particular wiring of our brains the configuration of our nervous system and the way we humans process emotions

all of which developed and emerged over the course of the 5 million years or so of our Evolution as a species we can ascribe many of the details of our nature to the distinct way we evolved as a social animal to ensure our our survival learning to cooperate with others coordinating our actions with the group on a high level creating novel forms of communication and ways of maintaining group discipline this early development lives on within us and continues to determine our Behavior even in the modern sophisticated world we live in to take one example look

at the evolution of human emotion the survival of our earliest ancestors depended on their ability to communicate with one another well before the invention of language they evolve new and complex emotions Joy shame gratitude jealousy resentment Etc the signs of these emotions could be read immediately on their faces communicating their moods quickly and effectively they became extremely permeable to the emotions of others as a way to bind the group more tightly together to feel Joy or grief as one or to remain United in the face of danger to this day we humans remain highly susceptible

to the moods and emotions of those around us compelling all kinds of behavior on our part unconsciously imitating others wanting what they have getting swept up in viral feelings of anger or outrage we imagine we're acting of our own free will unaware of How Deeply our susceptibility to the emotions of others in the group is affecting what we do and how we respond we can point to other such forces that emerged from this deep past and that similarly mold our everyday behavior for instance our need to continually rank ourselves and measure our selfworth through our

status is a trait that is noticeable among all hunter gatherer cultures and even among chimpanzees as our tribal instincts which cause us to divide people into insiders or Outsiders we can add to these primitive qualities are need to wear masks to disguise any behavior that is frowned upon by the tribe leading to the formation of a shadow personality from all the dark desires we have repressed our ancestors understood this Shadow and its dangerous imagining it originated from Spirits and demons that needed to be exorcised we rely on a different myth something came over me once

this Primal current or Force within us reaches the level of Consciousness we have to react to it and we do so depending on our individual spirit and circumstances usually explaining it away superficially without really understanding it because of the precise way in which we evolved there are a limited number of these forces of human nature and they lead to the behavior mentioned above Envy grandiosity irrationality shortsightedness Conformity aggression and passive aggression to name a few they also lead to empathy and other positive forms of human behavior for thousands of years it has been Our Fate

to largely grow up in the shadows when it comes to understanding ourselves and our own nature we have labored under so many Illusions about the human animal imagining we descended magically from a Divine Source from Angels instead of primates we have found any signs of our primitive nature and our animal Roots deeply distressing something to deny and repress we have covered up our darker impulses with all kinds of excuses and rationalizations making it easier for some people to get away with the most unpleasant Behavior but finally we're at a point where we can overcome our

resistance to the truth about who we are through the sheer weight of knowledge we have now accumulated about human nature we can exploit the vast literature and psychology ology amassed over the last 100 years including detailed studies of childhood and the impact of our early development Melanie Klein John bulby Donald winot as well as works on the roots of narcissism the shadow sides of our personality the roots of our empathy and the configuration of our emotions we can now call the many advances in the sciences that can Aid us in our self- understanding studies of

the brain of our unique biological makeup of the relationship between the body and the mind V s ramachandran of primates and hunter gatherers of our economic behavior and of how we operate in groups we can also include in this The Works of certain philosophers who have illuminated so many aspects of human nature as well as the insights of many novelists who are often the most sensitive to the Unseen parts of our behavior and finally we can include the rapidly expanding library of biographies now available revealing human nature in depth and in action this book is

an attempt to gather together this immense Storehouse of knowledge and ideas from different branches to piece together an accurate and instructive guide to human nature basing itself on the evidence not on particular viewpoints or moral judgments it is a brutally realistic appraisal of our species dissecting who we are so we can operate with more awareness consider the laws of human nature a kind of codebook for deciphering people's behavior ordinary strange destructive the full gamut each chapter deals with a particular aspect or law of human nature we can call them laws and that under the influence

of these Elemental forces we humans tend to react in relatively predictable ways each chapter has the story of some iconic individual or individuals who illustrate the law along with ideas and strategies on how to deal with yourself and others under the influence of this law each chapter ends with a section on how to transform this basic human Force into into something more positive and productive so that we are no longer passive slaves to human nature but actively transforming it you might be tempted to imagine that this knowledge is a bit old-fashioned after all you might

argue we are now so sophisticated and technologically advanced so Progressive and enlightened we have moved well beyond our primitive Roots we are in the process of rewriting our nature but the truth is in fact the opposite we have never been more in the thrall of human nature and it destructive potential than now and By ignoring this fact we are playing with fire look at how the permeability of our emotions has only been heightened through social media where viral effects are continually sweeping through us and where the most manipulative leaders are able to exploit and control

us look at the aggression that is now openly displayed in the virtual world where it is so much easier to play out our shadow sides without repercussions notice how our propensities to compare ourselves with others to feel envy and to seek status through attention have only become intensified with our ability to communicate so quickly with so many people and finally look at our tribal Tendencies and how they have now found the perfect medium to operate in we can find a group to identify with reinforce our tribal opinions in a virtual Echo chamber and demonize any

Outsiders leading to mob intimidation the potential for Mayhem stemming from the Primitive side of our Nature has only increased it is simple human nature is stronger than any individual than any institution or technological invention it ends up shaping what we create to reflect itself and its primitive Roots it moves us around like pawns ignore the laws at your own Peril refusing to come to terms with human nature simply means that you are dooming yourself to patterns beyond your control and to feelings of confusion and helplessness the laws of human nature is designed to immerse you

you in all aspects of human behavior and illuminate its root causes if you let it guide you it will radically alter how you perceive people and your entire approach to dealing with them it will also radically change how you see yourself it will accomplish these shifts in perspective in the following ways first the laws will work to transform you into a CER and more strategic Observer of people helping to free you from all the emotional drama that needlessly drains you being around people stares up our anxieties and insecurities as to how others perceive us once

we feel such emotions it becomes very hard to observe people as we are drawn into our own feelings evaluating what people say and do in personal terms do they like me or dislike me the laws will help you avoid falling into this trap by revealing that people are generally dealing with emotions and issues that have Deep Roots they're experiencing some desires and disappointments that predate you by years and decades you cross their path at a particular moment and become the convenient Target of their anger or frustration they're projecting onto you certain qualities they want to

see in most cases they're not relating to you as an individual this should not upset you but liberate you the book will teach you to stop taking personally their insinuating comments shows of coldness or moments of irritation the more you grasp this the easier it will be to react not with your emotions but rather with the desire to understand where their behavior might come from you will feel much calmer in the process and as this takes root in you you will be less prone to moralize and judge people instead you will accept them and their

flaws as part of human nature people will like you all the more as they sense this tolerant attitude in you second the laws will make you a master interpreter of the cues that people continually emit giving you a much greater ability to judge their character normally if we pay pay attention to people's behavior we are in a rush to fit their actions into categories and to hurry to conclusions so we settle for the Judgment that suits our own preconceptions or we accept their self-serving explanations the laws will rid you of this habit by making it

clear how easy it is to misread people and how deceptive First Impressions can be you will slow yourself down mistrust your initial judgment and instead train yourself to analyze what you see you will think in terms of opposites when people overly display some trait such as confidence or hyper masculinity they are most often concealing the contrary reality you will realize that people are continually playing to the public making a show of being Progressive and saintly only to better disguise their Shadow you will see the signs of this Shadow leaking out in everyday life if people

take an action that seems out of character you will take note what often appears out of character is actually more of their true character if people are ENT Al lazy or foolish they leave Clues to this in the smallest of details that you can pick up well before their behavior harms you the ability to gauge people's true worth their degree of loyalty and conscientiousness is one of the most important skills you can possess helping you avoid the bad hires Partnerships and relationships that can make your life miserable third the laws will Empower you to take

on and outthink the toxic types who inevitably cross your path and who tend to cause long-term emotional damage aggressive envious and manipulative people don't usually announce themselves as such they have learned to appear Charming in initial encounters to use flattery and other means of disarming us when they surprise us with their ugly Behavior we feel betrayed angry and helpless they create constant pressure knowing that in doing so they overwhelm our minds with their presence making it doubly hard to think straight or strategize the laws will teach you how to identify these types in advance which

is your greatest defense against them either you will steer clear of them or foreseeing their manipulative actions you will not be blindsided and thus will be better able to maintain your emotional balance you will learn to mentally cut them down to size and focus on the glaring weaknesses and insecurities behind all of their Bluster you will not fall for their myth and this will neutralize the intimidation they depend on you will scoff at their cover stories and elaborate explanations for their selfish behavior your ability to stay calm will infuriate them and often push them into

overreaching or making a mistake instead of being weighed down by these encounters you might even come to appreciate them as a chance to H your skills of self-mastery and toughen yourself up outsmarting just one of these types will give you a great deal of confidence that you can handle the worst in human nature fourth the laws will teach you the true levers for motivating and influencing people making your path in life that much easier normally when we meet resistance to our ideas or plans we cannot help trying to directly change people's minds by arguing lecturing

or cajoling them all of which makes them more defensive the laws will teach you that people are naturally stubborn and resistant to influence you must begin any attempt by lowering their resistance and never inadvertently feeding their defensive Tendencies You Will train yourself to discern their insecurities and never inadvertently stir them up you will think in terms of their self-interest and the self-opinion they need validated understanding the permeability of emotions you will learn that the most effective means of influence is to alter your moods and attitude people are responding to your energy and demeanor even more

than to your words you will get rid of any defensiveness on your part instead feeling relaxed and genuinely interested in the other person will have a positive and hypnotic effect you will learn that as a leader your best means of moving people in your direction lies and setting the right tone through your attitude empathy and work ethic fifth the laws will make you realize how deeply the forces of human nature operate within you giving you the power to alter your own negative patterns our natural response to reading or hearing about the darker qualities in human

nature is to exclude ourselves it is always the other person who is narcissistic irrational envious grandiose aggressive or passive aggressive we almost always see ourselves as having the best intentions if we go astray it is the fault of circumstances or people forcing us to react negatively the laws will make you stop once and for all this self- diluting process we are all cut from the same cloth and we all share the same Tendencies the sooner you realize this the greater your power will be in overcoming these potential negative traits within you you will examine your

own motives look at your own shadow and become aware of your own passive aggressive tendencies this will make it that much easier to spot such traits in others you will also become humbler realizing you're not Superior to others in the way you had imagined this will not make you feel guilty or weighed down by your self-awareness but quite the opposite you will accept yourself as a complete individual embracing both the good and the bad dropping your falsified self as a saint you will feel relieved of your hypocrisies and free to be more yourself people will

be drawn to this quality in you sixth the laws will transform you into a more empathetic individual creating deeper and more satisfying bonds with the people around you we humans are born with a tremendous potential for understanding people on a level that is not merely intellectual it is a power developed by our earliest ancestors in which they learned how to Intuit the moods and feelings of others by placing themselves in their perspective the laws will instruct you in how to bring out this latent power to the highest degree possible you will learn to slowly cut

off your incessant interior monologue and listen more closely you will train yourself to assume the other's Viewpoint as best you can you will use your imagination and experiences to help you feel how they might feel if they are describing something painful you have your own painful moments to draw upon as analoges you will not be simply intuitive but rather you will analyze the information you glean in this empathic fashion gaining insights you will continually cycle between empathy and Analysis always updating What You observe and increasing your ability to see the world through their eyes you

will notice a physical sensation of connection between you and the other that will emerge from this practice you will need a degree of humility in this process you can never know exactly what people are thinking and can easily make mistakes and so you must not rush to judgments but keep yourself open to learning more people are more complex than you imagine your goal is to Simply see their point of view better as you go through this process it becomes like a muscle that gets stronger the more you exercise it cultivating such empathy will have innumerable

benefits we are all self-absorbed locked in our own worlds it is a therapeutic and liberating experience to be dra drawn outside ourselves and into the world of another it is what attracts us to film and any form of fiction entering the minds and perspectives of people so different from ourselves through this practice your whole way of thinking will shift you are training yourself to let go of preconceptions to be alive in the moment and to continually adapt your ideas about people you will find such fluidity affecting how you attack problems in general you will find

yourself entertaining other possibilities taking all alternative perspectives this is the essence of creative thinking finally the laws will alter how you see your own potential making you aware of a higher ideal self within you that you will want to bring out we can say that we humans have two contrary selves within us a lower and a higher the lower tends to be stronger its impulses pull us down into emotional reactions and defensive postures making us feel self-righteous and Superior to others it makes us grab for immediate pleasures and distractions always taking the path of least

resistance it induces us to adopt what other people are thinking losing ourselves in the group we feel the impulses of the higher self when we are drawn out of ourselves wanting to connect more deeply with others to absorb our minds and our work to think instead of react to follow our own path in life and to discover what makes us unique the lower is the more animal and reactive side of our nature and one that we easily slip into the higher is the more truly Human Side of our nature the side that makes us thoughtful

and self-aware because the higher impulse is weaker connecting to it requires effort and insight bringing out this ideal self within us is what we all really want because it is only in developing this side of ourselves that we humans feel truly fulfilled the book will help you accomplish this by making you aware of the potentially positive and active elements contained within each law knowing our propensity for irrationality you will learn to become aware of how your emotions color your thinking giving you the ability to subtract them and become truly rational knowing how our attitude and

life affects what happens to us and how naturally our minds tend to close up out of fear you will learn how to forge an attitude that is expansive and fearless knowing you have the propensity to compare yourself with others you will use this as a Spur to excel in society through your Superior work to admire those who achieve great things and to be inspired by their example to emulate them you will work this magic on each of the Primal qualities using your expanded knowledge of human nature to resist the strong downward pull of your lower

nature think of the book in the following way you are about to become an apprentice in human nature you will be developing some skills how to observe and measure the character of your fellow humans and see into your own depths you will work on bringing out your higher self and through practice you will emerge a master of the art able to thwart the worst that other people can throw at you and to mold yourself into a more rational self-aware and productive individual man will only become better when you make him see what he is like

by anti- checkout master your emotional self the law of irrationality you like to imagine yourself in control of your fate consciously planning the course of your life as best you can but you are largely unaware of How Deeply your emotions dominate you the they make you Veer toward ideas that soothe your ego they make you look for evidence that confirms what you already want to believe they make you see what you want to see depending on your mood and this disconnect from reality is the source of the bad decisions and negative patterns that haunt your

life rationality is the ability to counteract these emotional effects to think instead of react to open your mind to what is really happening as opposed to what you are feeling it does not come naturally it is a power must cultivate but in doing so we realize our greatest potential the interner Athena one day toward the end of the year 432 BC the citizens of Athens received some very disturbing news representatives from the citystate of Sparta had arrived in town and presented to the Athenian governing Council new terms of Peace if Athens did not agree to

these terms then Sparta would declare war Sparta was athens's archenemy and in many ways its polar opposite Athens led a League of Democratic states in the region while Sparta led a confederation of oligarchies known as the pipian Athens depended on its Navy and on its wealth it was the preeminent commercial power in the Mediterranean Sparta depended on its Army it was a total military State up until then the two Powers had largely avoided a direct War because the consequences could be devastating not only could the defeated side lose its influence in the region but its

whole way of life could be put in Jeopardy certainly for Athens its democracy and its wealth now however War seemed inevitable and a sense of impending doom quickly settled on the city a few days later the Athenian assembly met on the pnyx hill overlooking the Acropolis to debate the Spartan ultimatum and decide what to do the assembly was open to all male citizens and on that day close to 10,000 of them crowded on the hill to participate in the debate the Hawks among them were in a state of great agitation Athens should seize the initiative

and attack Sparta first they said others reminded them that in a Land Battle the Spartan forces were nearly unbeatable attacking Spartan in this way would play straight into their hands the doves were all in favor of accepting the peace terms but as many pointed out that would only show fear and embolden the Spartans it would only give them more time to enlarge their army back and forth went the debate with emotions getting heated people shouting and no satisfactory solution in sight then toward the end of the afternoon the crowd suddenly grew quiet as a familiar

figure stepped forward to address the assembly this was Pericles the Elder Statesman of Athenian politics now over 60 years old Pericles was beloved and his opinion would matter more than anyone's but despite the Athenians respect for him they found him a very peculiar leader more of a philosopher than a politician to those old old enough to remember the start of his career it was truly surprising how powerful and successful he had become he did nothing the usual way in the earliest years of their democracy before Pericles had appeared on the scene the Athenians had preferred

a certain personality type in their leaders men who could give an inspiring persuasive speech and had a flare for drama on the battlefield these men were risk-takers they often pushed for military campaigns that they could lead giving them a chance to gain Glory and attention they Advanced their careers by representing some faction in the assembly land owners soldiers Aristocrats and doing everything they could to further its interests this led to highly divisive politics leaders would rise and fall in cycles of a few years but the Athenians were fine with this they mistrusted anyone who lasted

long in power then Pericles entered public life around 463 BC and Athenian politics would never be the the same his first move was the most unusual of all although he came from an illustrious aristocratic family he Allied himself with the growing lower and middle classes of the city Farmers Orsen in the Navy the craftsmen who were the pride of Athens he worked to increase their voice in the assembly and give them greater power in the Democracy this was not some small faction he now led but the majority of Athenian citizens it would seem impossible to

control such a large ruly mob of men with their varied interests but he was so fervent in increasing their power that he slowly gained their trust in backing as his influence grew he started to assert himself in the assembly and alter its policies he argued against expanding Athens as Democratic Empire he feared the Athenians would overreach and lose control he worked to consolidate the Empire and strengthen existing alliances when it came to war and to serving as a general he strove to limit campaigns and to win through Maneuvers with minimal loss of lives to many

this seemed unheroic but as these policies took effect the city entered a period of unprecedented Prosperity there were no more needless Wars to drain the coffers and the empire was functioning more smoothly than ever what Pericles did with the growing surplus of money startled and amazed the citizenry instead of using it to buy political favors he initiated a massive public building project in Athens he he commissioned temples theaters and concert Halls putting all of the Athenian Craftsmen to work everywhere one looked the city was becoming more sublimely beautiful he favored a form of architecture that

reflected his personal Aesthetics ordered highly geometric Monumental yet soothing to the eye his greatest commission was that of the Parthenon with its enormous 40ft statue of Athena Athena was The Guiding Spirit of Athens the goddess of wisdom and practical intelligence she represented all of the values Pericles wanted to promote single-handedly Pericles had transformed the look and spirit of Athens and it entered a golden age in all of the Arts and Sciences what was perhaps the strangest quality of Pericles was his speaking style restrained and dignified he did not go in for the usual flights of

rhetoric instead he worked to convince an audience through airtight arguments this would make people listen closely as followed the interesting course of his Logic the style was compelling and calming unlike any of the other leaders Pericles remained in power year after year decade after decade putting his total stamp on the city in his quiet unobtrusive way he had his enemies this was inevitable he had stayed in power so long that many accused him of being a secret dictator he was suspected of being an atheist a man who scoffed at all traditions that would explain why

he was so peculiar but nobody could argue against the results of his leadership and so now as he began to address the assembly that afternoon his opinion on war with Sparta would carry the most weight and a hush came over the crowd as they anxiously waited to hear his argument Athenians he began My Views are the same as ever I am against making any concessions to the pipins even though I am aware that the enthusiastic State of Mind in which people are persuaded to enter upon a war is not retained when it comes to action

and that people's minds are altered by the course of events differences between Athens and Sparta were supposed to be settled through neutral arbitrators he reminded them it would set a dangerous precedent if they gave in to the Spartans unilateral demands where would it end yes a direct Land Battle with Sparta would be suicide what he proposed instead was a completely novel form of warfare limited and defensive he would bring within the walls of Athens all those living in the area let the Spartans come and try to lure us into fighting he said let them lay

waste to our lands we will not take the bait we will not fight them on land with our access to the Sea we will keep the city supplied we will use our Navy to raid their coastal towns as time goes on they will grow frustrated by the lack of battle having to feed and supply their standing army they will run out of money their allies will bicker among themselves the war party within Sparta will be discredited and a real lasting peace will be agreed upon all with minimal expenditure of lives and money on our part

I could give you many other reasons he concluded why you should feel confident in Ultimate Victory if only you will make up your minds not to add to the Empire while the war is in progress and not to go out of your way to involve yourselves in new perils what I fear is not the enemy's strategy but our own mistakes the novelty of what he was proposing aroused great debate neither Hawks nor doves were satisfied with his plan but in the end his reputation for wisdom carried the day and his strategy was approved several months

later the Fateful War began in the beginning all did not proceed as Pericles had envisioned the Spartans and their allies did not grow frustrated as the war dragged on but only Boulder the Athenians were the once to become discouraged seeing their lands destroyed without retaliation but Pericles believed his plan could not fail as long as the Athenians remained patient then in the second year of the war an unexpected disaster upended everything a powerful plague entered the city with so many people packed within the walls that spread quickly killing over one-third of the citizenry and decimating

the ranks of the army Perles himself caught the disease and as he laid dying he witnessed the Ultimate Nightmare all that he had done for Athens over so many decades seemed to unravel at once the people descending into group delirium until it was every man for himself if he had survived he almost certainly would have found a way to calm the Athenians down and broker an acceptable peace with Sparta or adj just his defensive strategy but now it was too late strangely enough the Athenians did not mourn for their leader they blamed him for the

plague and railed at the ineffectiveness of his strategy they were not in a mood anymore or for patience or restraint he had outlived his time and his ideas were now seen as the tired reactions of an old man their love of Pericles had turned to hate with him no longer there the factions returned with avengeance the war party became popular the party fed off the people's growing bitterness toward the Spartans who had used the plague to advance their positions the Hawks promised they would regain the initiative and crush the Spartans with an offensive strategy for

many Athenians such words came as a great relief a release of pent up emotions as the city slowly recovered from the plague the Athenians managed to gain the upper hand and the Spartans sued for peace wanting to completely defeat their enemy the Athenians pressed their advantage only to find the Spartans recover and turn the tables back and forth it went year after year the violence and bitterness on both sides increased at one point Athens attacked the island of Melos a Spartan Ally and when the melons surrendered the Athenians voted to kill all of their men

and sell the women and children into slavery nothing remotely like this had ever happened under Pericles then after so many years of a war Without End and 415 BC several Athenian leaders had an interesting idea about how to deliver the Fatal blow the city state of Syracuse was the rising power on the island of Sicily Syracuse was a critical iCal Ally of the Spartans supplying them with much needed resources if the Athenians with their great Navy could launch an expedition and take control of Syracuse they would gain two advantages it would add to their empire

and it would deprive Sparta of the resources it needed to continue the war the assembly voted to send 60 ships with an appropriate sized Army on board to accomplish this goal one of the commanders assigned to this Expedition nus had great doubts as to the wisdom of this plan he feared the Athenians were underestimating the strength of Syracuse he laid out all of the possible negative scenarios only a much larger Expedition could ensure Victory he wanted to squelch the plan but his argument had the opposite effect if a larger expedition was necessary then that was

what they would send 100 ships and double the number of soldiers the Athenians smelled victory in this strategy and nothing would deter them in the ensuing day days Athenians of all ages could be seen in the streets drawing maps of Sicily dreaming of the riches that would pour into Athens and the final humiliation of the Spartans the day of the launching of the ships turned into a great holiday and the most a inspiring spectacle they had ever seen an enormous Armada filling the harbor as far as the eye could see the ships beautifully decorated the

soldiers glistening in their armor crowding the decks it was a dazzling display of the wealth and power of Athens as the months went by the Athenians desperately sought news of the Expedition at one point through the sheer size of the force it seemed that Athens had gained the advantage and had laid Siege to Syracuse but at the last moment reinforcements derived from Sparta and now the Athenians were on the defensive nishia sent off a letter to the assembly describing this negative turn of events he recommended either giving up and returning to Athens or the sending

of reinforcements right away unwilling to believe in the possibility of defeat the Athenians voted to send reinforcements a second Armada of ships almost as large as the first in the months after this the Athenians anxiety reached new heights for now the stakes had been doubled and Athens could not afford to lose one day a barber in athens's Port Town of pyas heard a rumor from a customer that the Athenian Expedition every ship and almost every man had been wiped out in battle the rumor quick spread to Athens it was hard to believe but slowly Panic

set in a week later the rumor was confirmed and Athens seemed doomed drained of money ships and Men miraculously the Athenians managed to hold on but over the next few years severely imbalanced by the losses in Sicily they staggered from one reeling blow to another until finally in 405 BC Athens suffered its final loss and was forced to agree to the harsh terms of Peace imposed Ed by Sparta their years of Glory their great Democratic Empire the percan Golden Age were now and forever over the man who had curbed their most dangerous emotions aggression greed

hubris selfishness had been gone from the scene for too long his wisdom long forgotten too long his wisdom long forgotten too long his wisdom long forgotten too long is wisdom long forgotten too long his wisdom long forgotten to Long interpretation as Pericles surveyed the political scene early in his career he noticed the following phenomenon every Athenian political figure believed he was rational had realistic goals and plans on how to get there they all worked hard for their political factions and tried to increase their power they LED Athenian armies into battle and often came out ahead

they strove to expand the Empire and bring in more money and when their political maneuvering suddenly backfired or the wars turned out badly they had excellent reasons for why this had happened they could always blame the opposition or if need be the gods and yet if all these men were so rational why did their policies add up to so much chaos and self-destructiveness why was Athens such a mess and the Democracy itself so fragile why was there so much corruption and turbulence the answer was simple his fellow Athenians were not rational at all all merely

selfish and shrewd what guided their decisions was their base emotions hunger for power attention and money and for those purposes they could be very tactical and clever but none of their Maneuvers led to anything that lasted or served the overall interests of the Democracy what consumed Pericles as a thinker and a public figure was how to get out of this trap how to be truly rational in an arena dominated by emotions the solution he came up with is unique and history history and devastatingly powerful in its results it should serve as our ideal in his

conception the human mind has to worship something has to have its attention directed to something it values above all else for most people it is their ego for some it is their family their Clan their God or their Nation for Pericles it would be noose the ancient Greek word for mind or intelligence noose is a force that permeates the Universe creating me meaning and order the human mind is naturally attracted to this order this is the source of our intelligence for Pericles The Noose that he worshiped was embodied in the figure of the goddess Athena

Athena was literally born from the head of Zeus her name itself reflecting this a combination of God and mind but Athena came to represent a very particular form of noose imminently practical feminine and earthy she is the voice that comes to heroes in times stimes of need instilling in them a calm Spirit orienting their minds toward the perfect idea for victory and success then giving them the energy to achieve this to be visited by Athena was the highest blessing of them all and it was her spirit that guided great generals and the best artists inventors

and Tradesmen under her influence a man or woman could see the world with perfect clarity and hid upon the action that was just right for the moment for Athens her spirit was invoked to unify the City make it prosperous and productive in essence Athena stood for rationality the greatest gift of the Gods to Mortals for it alone could make a human act with Divine wisdom to cultivate his inner Athena Pericles first had to find a way to master his emotions emotions turn us inward away from noose away from reality we dwell on our anger or

our insecurities if we look out at the world and try to solve problems we see things through the lens of these emotions they Cloud our vision Pericles trained himself to never react in the moment to never make a decision while under the influence of a strong emotion instead he analyzed his feelings usually when he looked closely at his insecurities or his anger he saw that they were not really Justified and they lost their significance under scrutiny sometimes he had to physically get away from the heated assembly and retired to his house where he remained alone

for days on end calming himself down slowly the voice of Athena would come to him he decided to base all of his political decisions on one thing what actually served the greater good of Athens his goal was to unify the citizenry through genuine love of democracy and belief in the superiority of the Athenian way having such a standard helped him avoid the ego trap it impelled him to work to increase the participation and power of the lower and middle classes even though such a strategy could easily turn against him it inspired him to limit Wars

even though this meant less personal glory for him and finally it led to his greatest decision of all the Public Works project that transformed Athens to help himself in this deliberative process he opened his mind to as many ideas and options as possible even to those of his opponents he imagined all of the possible consequences of a strategy before committing to it with a calm spirit and an open mind he hid upon policies that sparked one of the true Golden Ages in history one man was able to infect an entire city with his rational Spirit

what happened to Athens after he departed from the scene speaks for itself the Sicilian Expedition represented everything he had always opposed a decision secretly motivated by the desire to grab more land blinded to its potential consequences understand like everyone you think you are rational but you are not rationality is not a power you are born with but one you acquire through training and practice the voice of Athena simply stands for a higher power that exists within you right now a potential you have perhaps felt in moments of calmness and focus the perfect idea coming to

you after much thinking you are not connected to this higher power in the present because your mind is weighed down with emotions like Pericles in the assembly you are infected by all of the drama that others churn up you are continually reacting to what people give you experiencing waves of excitement insecurity and anxiety that make it hard to focus your attention is pulled this way and that and without the rational standard to guide your decisions you never quite reach the goals that you set at any moment this can change with a simple decision to cultivate

your inner Athena rationality is then what you will value the most and that which will serve as your guide your first task is to look at those emotions that are continually infecting your ideas and decisions learn to question yourself why this anger or resentment where does this incessant need for attention come from under such scrutiny your emotions will lose their hold on you you will begin to think for yourself instead of reacting to what others give you emotions tend to narrow the mind making us focus on one or two ideas that satisfy our immediate desire

for power or attention ideas that usually backfire now with a calm Spirit you can entertain a wide range of options and solutions you will deliberate longer before acting and reassess your strategies The Voice will become clearer and clearer when people besiege you with their endless dramas and pity emotions you will resent the distraction and apply your rationality to think past them like an athlete continually getting stronger through training your mind will become more flexible and resilient clear and calm you will see answers and Creative Solutions that no one else can Envision it's just as though

one second self were standing beside one one is sensible and rational oneself but the other self is impelled to do something perfectly senseless and sometimes very funny and suddenly you notice that you are longing to do that amusing thing goodness knows why that is you want to as it were against your will though you fight against it with all of your might you want to Theodore dovi a raw youth keys to human nature whenever anything goes wrong in our life we naturally seek an explanation to not find some cause for why our plans went arai

or why we faced sudden resistance to our ideas would be deeply disturbing to us and intensify our pain but in looking for a cause our minds tend to revolve around the same types of explanations someone or some group sabotaged me perhaps out of dislike large antagonistic forces out there such as the government or social conventions hindered me I received bad advice or information was kept from me finally if worst comes to worst it was all bad luck and unfortunate circumstances these explanations generally emphasize our helplessness what could I have done differently how could I have

possibly foreseeing the nasty actions of X against me they are also somewhat vague we usually can't point to specific malicious actions of others we can only suspect or imagine these explanations tend to intensify our emotions anger frustration depression which we can then wallow in and feel bad for ourselves most significantly our first reaction is to look outward for the cause yes we might be responsible for some of what happened but for the most part other people and antagonistic forces tripped us up this reaction is deeply ingrained in the human animal in ancient times it might

have been the gods or evil spirits who were to blame we we of the present choose to call them other names the truth however is very different from this certainly there are individuals and larger forces out there that continually have an effect on us and there is much we cannot control in the world but generally what causes us to go astray in the first place what leads to bad decisions and miscalculations is our deep rooted irrationality the extent to which our minds are governed by emotion we cannot see this it is our blind spot and

as exhibit a of this blind spot let's look at the crash of 2008 which can serve as a compendium of all varieties of human irrationality in the aftermath of the crash the following were the most common explanations in the media for what had happened trade imbalances and other factors led to cheap Credit in the early 2000s which led to excess leverage it was impossible to place accurate value on the highly complex derivatives that were being traded so no one really could gauge profits and losses there existed did a shrewd and corrupt cabal of insiders who

had incentives to manipulate the system for quick profits greedy lenders pushed subprime mortgages on unsuspecting homeowners there was too much government regulation there was not enough government oversight computer models and trading systems ran a muck these explanations reveal a remarkable denial of a basic reality leading up to the crash of 2008 millions of people made daily decisions on whether to invest or not invest at each point of these transactions buyers and sellers could have pulled back from the riskiest forms of investment but decided not to there were plenty of people out there warning of a

bubble only a few years before the crash of the giant hitch fund long-term Capital Management showed exactly how a larger crash could and would occur if people had longer memories they could think back to the bubble of 1987 if they read history the stock market bubble and crash of 1929 almost any potential homeowner can understand the risks of no money down mortgages and lending terms with fast rising interest rates what all of the analysis ignores is the basic irrationality that drove these millions of buyers and sellers up and down the line they became infected with

the lure of easy money this made even the most educated investor emotional studies and experts were pulled into bolster ideas that people were already disposed to believe in such as the proverbial This Time It's Different and housing prices never go down a wave of unbridled optimism swept through masses of people then came the panic and crash and the Ugly confrontation with reality instead of coming to terms with the orgy of speculation that had overwhelmed one and all making smart people look like idiots fingers were pointed at outside forces anything to deflect the real source of

the madness this is not something peculiar to the crash of 2008 the same types of explanations were trotted out after the crashes of 1987 and 1929 the railway Mania in the 1840s in England and the south sea bubble of the 1720s also in England people spoke of reforming the system laws were passed to limit speculation and none of this worked bubbles occur because of the intense emotional pull they have on people which overwhelms any reasoning Powers an individual mind might possess they stimulate our natural tendencies toward greed easy money and quick results it is hard

to see other people making money and not join in there is no regulatory force on the planet that can control human nature and because we do not confront the real source of the problem Bubbles and crashes keep repeating and will keep repeating as long as there are suckers and people who do not read history the recurrence of this mirrors is the recurrence in our own lives of the same problems and mistakes forming negative patterns it is hard to learn from experience when we are not looking inward at the true causes understand the first step toward

becoming rational is to understand our fundamental irrationality there are two factors that should render this more palatable to our egos nobody is exempt from the irresistible effect of emotions on the mind not even the wisest Among Us and to some extent irrationality is a function of the structure of our brains and is wired into our very Nature by the way we process emotions being irrational is almost beyond our control to understand this we must look at the evolution of emotions themselves for millions of years living organisms depended on finely tuned instincts for survival in a

split second a reptile could sense danger in the environment and respond with an instantaneous flight from the scene there was no separation between impulse and action then slowly for some animals this sensation evolved into something larger and longer a feeling of fear in the beginning this fear merely consisted of a high level of arousal with the release of certain chemicals alerting the animal to a possible danger with this arousal and the attention that came with it the animal could respond in several ways instead of just one it could become more sensitive to the environment and

learn it stood a better chance of survival because its options were widened this sensation of fear would last only only a few seconds or even less for Speed was of the essence for social animals these arousals and feelings took on a deeper and more important role they became a critical form of communication vicious sounds or hair standing on end could display anger warding off an enemy or signaling a danger certain postures or smells revealed sexual desire and Readiness postures and gestures signal the desire to play certain calls from the young revealed deep anxiety and the

need for the mother to return with primates this became ever more elaborate and complex it has been shown that chimpanzees can feel envy and the desire for vengeance among other emotions this Evolution took place over the course of hundreds of millions of years much more recently cognitive Powers developed in animals and humans culminating in the invention of language and abstract thinking as many neuroscientists have affirmed this Evolution has led to the higher Mamon brain being composed of three parts the oldest is The Reptilian part of the brain which controls all automatic responses that regulate the

body this is the instinctive part above that is the old Maman or lmic brain governing feeling and emotion and on top of that has evolved the neocortex the part that controls cognition and for humans language emotions originate as physical arousal designed to capture our attention and cause us to take no notice of something around us they begin as chemical reactions and Sensations that we must then translate into words to try to understand but because they are processed in a different part of the brain from language and thinking this translation is often slippery and inaccurate for

instance we feel anger at person X whereas in fact the true source of this may be envy below the level of conscious awareness we feel inferior in relation to ex and want something he or she has but Envy is not a feeling that we are ever comfortable with and so often we translate it as something more palatable anger dislike resentment or let us say one day we are feeling a mood of frustration and impatience person why crosses our path at the wrong moment and we lash out unaware that this anger is prompted by a different

mood and out of proportion to wise actions or let us say that we are truly angry at person Z but the anger is sitting inside of us caused by someone in our past who H us deeply perhaps apparent we direct the anger at Z because they remind us of this other person in other words we do not have conscious access to the origins of our emotions and the moods they generate once we feel them all we can do is try to interpret the emotion translated into language but more often than not we get this wrong

we latch onto interpretations that are simple and that suit us or we remain baffled we don't know why we feel dep depressed for example this unconscious aspect of emotions also means that it is very hard for us to learn from them to stop or prevent compulsive Behavior children who felt abandoned by their parents will tend to create patterns of Abandonment in later life without seeing the reason the communicating function of emotions a critical factor for social animals also becomes somewhat tricky for us we communicate anger when it is something else we are feeling or about

someone else but the other person cannot see this and so they react as if personally attacked which can create cascading misinterpretations emotions evolved for a different reason than cognition these two forms of relating to the world are not connected seamlessly in our brains for Animals unburdened by the need to translate physical Sensations into abstract language emotions function smoothly as they were meant to for us the split between our emotions and our cognition is a source of constant internal friction comprising a second Emotional Self within us that operates beyond our will animals feel fear for a

brief time then it is gone we dwell on our fears intensifying them and making them last well past the moment of danger even to the point of feeling constant anxiety many might be tempted to imagine that we have somehow tained this Emotional Self through all of our intellectual and technological progress after all we don't appear as violent or passionate or super superstitious as our ancestors but this is an illusion progress and Technology have not rewired us they have merely altered the forms of our emotions and the type of irrationality that comes with them for instance

new forms of media have enhanced the age-old ability of politicians and others to play on our emotions in ever subtler and more sophisticated ways advertisers bombard us with highly effective subliminal messages our continual connection to social media Mak makes us prone to new forms of viral emotional effects these are not media designed for calm reflection with their constant presence we have less and less mental space to step back and think we are as besieged with emotions and needless drama as the Athenians in the assembly because Human Nature has not changed clearly the words rational and

irrational can be quite loaded people are always labeling those who disagree with them irrational what we need is a simp simple definition that can be applied as a way of judging as accurately as possible the difference between the two the following Shall Serve as our barometer we constantly feel emotions and they continually infect our thinking making us Veer toward thoughts that please us and soothe our egos it is impossible to not have our inclinations and feelings somehow involved in what we think rational people are aware of this and through introspection and effort are able to

some extent to subtract emotion from their thinking and counteract their effect irrational people have no such awareness they rush into action without carefully considering the ramifications and consequences we can see the difference in the decisions and actions that people take and the results that ensue rational people demonstrate over time that they are able to finish a project to realize their goals to work effectively with a team and to create something that lasts irrational people reveal in their lives negative pattern patterns mistakes that keep repeating unnecessary conflicts that follow them wherever they go dreams and projects

that are never realized anger and desires for change that are never translated into concrete action they are emotional and reactive and unaware of this everyone is capable of irrational decisions some of which are caused by circumstances beyond our control and even the most emotional types can hit upon great ideas or succeed momentarily through boldness so it is important to judge over time whether a person is rational or irrational can they sustain success and hit upon several good strategies can they adjust and learn from failures we can also see the difference between a rational and irrational

person in particular situations when it comes to calculating long-term effects and seeing what truly matters for instance in a divorce proceeding with child custody issues rational people will manage to let go of their bitterness and Prejudice and reason what is in the best overall long-term interests of the child irrational people will become consumed with a power struggle against the spous will let resentments and desires for vengeance secretly guide their decisions this will lead to a protracted battle and a damaged child when it comes to hiring an assistant or partner rational people will use competence as

their barometer can this person do the job an irrational person will easily fall under the spell of those who are Charming who know how to feed their insecurities or who pose little challenge or threat and will hire them without realizing the reasons this will lead to mistakes and inefficiencies for which the irrational person will blame others when it comes to career decisions rational people will look for positions that fit their long-term goals irrational types will decide based on how much money they can immediately make what they feel they deserve in life how much they can

slack off on the job or how much attention the position position might bring them this will lead to Career dead ends in all cases the degree of awareness represents the difference rational people can readily admit their own irrational Tendencies and the need to be vigilant on the other hand irrational people become highly emotional when challenged about the emotional roots of their decisions they are incapable of introspection and learning their mistakes make them increasingly defensive it is important to understand that rationality is not some means of transcending emotion Pericles himself valued bold and adventurous action he

loved the spirit of Athena and the inspiration she brought he wanted Athenians to feel love for their city and empathy for their fellow citizens what he envisioned was a state of balance a clear understanding of why we feel the way we do conscious of our impulses so that we can think without being secretly compelled by our emotions Pericles wanted the energy that comes from impulses and emotions to serve our thinking self that was his vision of rationality and our ideal fortunately to acquire rationality is not complicated it simply requires knowing and working through a three-step

process first we must become aware of what we shall call lowgrade irrationality this is a function of the continual moods and feelings that we experience in life below the level of Consciousness when we plan or make decisions we are not aware of How Deeply these moods and feelings skew the thinking process they create in our thinking pronounced biases that are so deeply ingrained in us that we see evidence of them in all cultures and all periods of History these biases by distorting reality lead to the mistakes and ineffective decisions that plague Our Lives being aware

of them we can begin to counterbalance their effects second we must understand the nature of what we shall call high-grade irrationality this occurs when our emotions become inflamed generally because of certain pressures as we think about our anger excitement resentment or suspicion it intensifies into a reactive State everything we see or hear is interpreted through the lens of this emotion we become more sensitive and more prone to other emotional reactions impatience and resentment can bleed into anger and deep distrust these reactive states are what lead people to violence to manic obsessions to uncontrollable greed or

to desires to control another person this form of irrationality is the source of more acute problems crises conflicts and disastrous decisions understanding how this type of irrationality operates can allow us to recognize the reactive State as it is happening and pull back before we do something we regret third we need to enact certain strategies and exercises that will strengthen the thinking part of the brain and give it more power in the eternal struggle with our emotions the following three steps will help you begin on the path toward rationality it would be wise to incorporate all

three into your study and practice in human nature step one recognize the biases emotions are continually affecting our thought processes and decisions below the level of our awareness and the most common emotion of them all is the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain our thoughts almost inevitably revolve around this desire we simply recoil from entertaining ideas that are unpleasant or painful to us we imagine we are looking for the truth or being realistic when in fact we are holding on to ideas that bring a release from tension and soothe our egos make us

feel Superior this Pleasure Principle in thinking is the source of all of our mental biases if you believe that you are somehow immune to any of the following biases it is simply an example of the Pleasure Principle in action and instead it is best to search and see how they continually operate inside you as well as learn how to identify such irrationality in others confirmation bias I look at the evidence and arrive at my decisions through more or less rational processes to hold an idea and convince ourselves we arrived at it rationally we go in

search of evidence to support our view what could be more objective or scientific but because of the Pleasure Principle and its unconscious influence we managed to find the evidence that confirms what we want to believe this is known as confirmation bias we can see this at work in people's plans particularly those with high stakes a plan is designed to lead to a positive desired objective if people considered the possible negative and positive consequences equally they might find it hard to take any action inevitably they Veer toward information that confirms the desired positive result The Rosy

scenario without real realizing it we also see this at work when people are supposedly asking for advice this is the bane of most consultants in the end people want to hear their own ideas and preferences confirmed by an expert opinion they will interpret what you say in light of what they want to hear and if your advice runs counter to their desires they will find some way to dismiss your opinion your so-called expertise the more powerful the person the more they are subject to this form of the confirmation by when investigating confirmation bias in the

world take a look at theories that seem a little too good to be true statistics and studies are trotted out to prove them these are not very difficult to find once you are convinced of the rightness of your argument on the internet it is easy to find studies that support both sides of an argument in general you should never accept the validity of people's ideas because they have supplied evidence instead examine the evidence yourself in the code cold light of day with as much skepticism as you can muster your first impulse should always be to

find the evidence that disconfirms your most cherished beliefs and those of others that is true science conviction bias I believe in this idea so strongly it must be true we hold on to an idea that is secretly pleasing to us but deep inside we might have some doubts as to its truth and so we go an extra mile to convince ourselves to believe in it with great vement and to loudly contradict anyone who challenges us how can our idea not be true if it brings out in us such energy to defend it we tell ourselves

this bias is revealed even more clearly in our relationship to leaders if they express an opinion with heated words and gestures colorful metaphors and entertaining anecdotes and a deep well of conviction it must mean they have examined the idea carefully to express it with such certainty those on the other hand who Express no es whose tone is more hesitant reveal weakness and self-doubt they are probably lying or so we think this bias makes us susceptible to salesmen and demagogues who display conviction as a way to convince and deceive they know that people are hungry for

entertainment so they cloak their half truths with dramatic effects appearance bias I understand the people I deal with I see them just as they are we see people not as they are but as they appear to us and these appearances are usually misleading first people have trained themselves in social situations to present the front that is appropriate and that will be judged positively they seem to be in favor of the noblest causes always presenting themselves as hardworking and conscientious we take these masks for reality second we are prone to fall for the halo effect when

we see certain negative or positive qualities in a person other positive or negative qualities are implied that fit with this people who are good-looking generally seem more trustworthy particularly politicians if a person is successful we imagine they are probably also ethical conscientious and deserving of their Good Fortune This obscure is the fact that many people who have gotten ahead have done so through less than moral actions which they cleverly disguise from view the group bias my ideas are my own I do not listen to the group I am not a conform IST we are social

Animals by Nature the feeling of isolation of difference from the group is depressing and terrifying we experience tremendous relief when we find others who think the same way we do in fact we are motivated to take up ideas and opinions because they bring us this relief we are unaware of this pull and so imagine we have come to certain ideas completely on our own look at people who support one party or the other one ideology a noticeable Orthodoxy or correctness prevails without anyone saying anything or applying overt pressure if someone is on the right or

the left their opinions will almost always follow the same direction on dozens of issues as if by Magic and yet few would ever admit this influence on their thought patterns the blame bias I learned from my experience and mistakes mistakes and failures elicit the need to explain we want to learn the lesson and not repeat the experience but in truth we do not like to look too closely at what we did our introspection is limited our natural response is to blame others circumstances or a momentary lapse of judgment the reason for this bias is that

it is often too painful to look at our mistakes it calls into question our feelings of superiority it pokes at our ego we go through the motions pretending to reflect on what we did but with the passage of time the Pleasure Principle mle Rises and we forget what small part in the mistake we ascribe to ourselves desire and emotion will blind us yet again and we will repeat exactly the same mistake and go through the same mild recriminating process followed by forgetfulness until we die if people truly learned from their experience we would find few

mistakes in the world and career paths that Ascend ever upward superiority bias I'm different I'm more rational than others more ethical as well few would say this to people in conversation it sounds arrogant but in numerous opinion polls and studies when asked to compare themselves with others people generally Express A variation of this it's the equivalent of an optical illusion we cannot seem to see our faults and irrationalities only those of others so for instance we'll easily believe that those in the other political party do not come to their opinions based on rational principles but

those on our side have done so on the ethical front few of us will ever admit that we have resorted to deception or manipulation in our work or have been clever and strategic in our career advancement everything we've got or so we think comes from natural talent and hard work but with other people we are quick to ascribe to them all kinds of Machiavellian tactics this allows us to justify whatever we do no matter the results we feel a tremendous pull to imagine ourselves as rational decent and ethical these are qualities highly promoted in the

culture to show signs otherwise is to risk great disapproval if all of this were true if people were rational and morally Superior the world would be suffused with goodness and peace we know however the reality and so some people perhaps all of us are merely deceiving ourselves rationality and ethical qualities must be achieved through awareness and effort they do not come naturally they come through a maturation process step two beware the inflaming factors lowr emotions continually affect our thinking and they originate from our own impulses for instance the desire for pleasing and comforting thoughts high-grade

emotion however comes at certain moments reaches an explosive pitch and is generally sparked by something external a person who gets under our skin or particular circumstances the level of is higher and our attention is captured completely the more we think about the emotion the stronger it gets which makes us Focus even more on it and so on and so forth our minds tunnel into the emotion and everything reminds us of our anger or excitement we become reactive because we are unable to Bear the tension this brings high-grade emotion usually culminates in some rash action with

disastrous consequences in the middle of such an attack we feel possessed as if a second lmic self has taken over it is best to be aware of these factors so that you can stop the Mind from tunneling and prevent the releasing action that you will always come to regret you should also be aware of high-grade irrationality in others to either get out of their way or help bring them back to reality trigger points from early childhood and early childhood we were at our most sensitive and vulnerable our relationship to our parents had a much greater

impact on us the further back in time we go the same could be said for any early powerful experience these vulnerabilities and wounds remain buried deep within our minds sometimes we try to repress the memory of these influences if they happen to be negative great fears or humiliations sometimes however they are associated with positive emotions experiences of love and attention that we continually want to relive later in life a person or event will trigger a memory of this positive or negative experience and with it a release of powerful chemicals or hormones associated with the memory

take for example a young man who had a distant narcissistic mother as an infant or child he experienced her coldness as abandonment and to be abandoned must mean he was somehow Unworthy of her love or similarly a new sibling on the scene caused his mother to give him much less attention which he equally experienced as abandonment later in life in a relation ship a woman might hint at disapproval of some trait or action of his all of which is part of a healthy relationship this will hit a trigger point she is noticing his flaws which

he imagines precedes her abandonment of him he feels a powerful Rush of emotion a sense of imminent betrayal he does not see the source of this it is beyond his control he overreacts accuses withdraws all of which leads to the very thing he feared abandonment his reaction was to some reflection in his mind not to the reality this is the height of irrationality the way to recognize this in yourself and in others is by noticing behavior that is suddenly childish in its intensity and seemingly out of character this could center on any key emotion it

could be fear of losing control a failure in this case we react by withdrawing from the situation and the presence of others like a child curling up into a ball a sudden illness brought on by the intense fear will conveniently cause us to have to leave the scene it could be love desperately searching to recreate a close parental or sibling relationship in the present triggered by someone who vaguely reminds us of the Lost Paradise it could be extreme mistrust originating from an authority figure in early childhood who disappointed or betrayed us generally the father this

often triggers a sudden rebellious attitude the great danger here is that in misreading the present and reacting to Something in the past we create conflict disappointments and mistrust that only strengthen the wound in some ways we are programmed to repeat the early experience in the present our only defense is awareness as it is happening we can recognize a trigger point by the experience of emotions that are unusually Primal more uncontrollable than normal they trigger tears deep depression or excessive hope people under the spell of these emotions will often have a very different tone of voice

and body language as if they were physically reliving a moment from early life in the midst of such an attack we must struggle to detach ourselves and contemplate the possible Source the wound in early childhood and the patterns it has locked us into this deep understanding of ourselves and our vulnerabilities is a key step toward becoming rational sudden gains or losses sudden success or winnings can be very dangerous neurologically chemicals are released in the brain that give a powerful jolt of arousal and energy leading to the desire to repeat this experience it can be the

start of any kind of addiction and manic behavior also when gains come quickly we tend to lose sight of the basic wisdom that true success to really last must come through hard work we do not take into account the role that L plays in such sudden gains we try again and again to recapture that high from winning so much money or attention we acquire feelings of grandiosity we become especially resistant to anyone who tries to warn us they don't understand we tell ourselves because this cannot be sustained we experience an inevitable fall which is all

the more painful leading to the depression part of the cycle although gamblers are the most prone to this it equally applies to business people during Bubbles and to people who gain sudden attention from the public unexpected losses or a string of losses equally create irrational reaction ctions we imagine we are cursed with bad luck and that this will go on indefinitely we become fearful and hesitant which will often lead to more mistakes or failures in sports this can induce what is known as choking as previous losses and misses way on the mind and tighten it

up the solution here is simple whenever you experience unusual gains or losses that is precisely the time to step back and counterbalance them with some necessary pessimism or optimism be extra wary of sudden success and attention they are not built on anything that lasts and they have an addictive pull and the fall is always painful Rising pressure the people around you generally appear sane and in control of their lives but put any of them in stressful circumstances with the pressure rising and you will see a different reality the cool mask of self-control comes off they

suddenly lash out in anger reveal a paranoid streak and become hypersensitive and often Petty under stress or any threat the most primitive parts of the brain are aroused and engaged overwhelming people's reasoning powers in fact stress or tension can reveal flaws in people that they have carefully concealed from view it is often wise to observe people in such moments precisely as a way to judge their true character whenever you notice Rising pressure and stress levels in your life you must watch yourself carefully monitor any signs of unusual brittleness or sensitivity sudden suspicions fears disproportionate to

the circumstances observe with as much Detachment as possible finding time and space to be alone you need perspective never imagine that you are someone who can withstand Rising stress without emotional leakage it is not possible but through self-awareness and reflection you can prevent yourself from making decisions you will come to regret in flaming individuals there are people in the world who by their nature tend to trigger powerful emotions in almost everyone they encounter these emotions range among the extremes of Love hatred confidence and mistrust some examples in history would include King David in the Bible

alabes in ancient Athens Julius Caesar in ancient Rome George Danton during the French Revolution and Bill Clinton these types have a degree of Charisma they have the ability to express eloquently emotions they are feeling which inevitably end parallel emotions in others but some of them can also be quite narcissistic they project their internal drama and troubles outward catching other people up in the turmoil they create this leads to profound feelings of attraction in some and repulsion in others it is best to recognize these inflamers by how they affect others not just yourself no one can

remain indifferent to them people find themselves incapable of reasoning or maintaining any distance in their presence they make you think of them continually when not in their presence they have an obsessive quality and they can lead you to extreme actions as a devoted follower or as an inveterate enemy on either end of the spectrum attraction or repulsion you will tend to be irrational and you will desperately need to distance yourself a good strategy to utilize is to see through the front they project they inevitably try to cast a larger than life image a Mythic intimidating

quality but in fact fact they are all Too Human full of the same insecurities and weaknesses we all possess try to recognize these very human traits and demythologize them human traits and Dem mythologize them human traits and Dem mythologize them human traits and demythologize them human traits and Dem mythologize them human traits and the group effect this is the high-grade variety of the group bias when we are in a group of a large enough size we become different notice yourself and others at a sporting event a concert a religious or political Gathering it is impossible

to not feel yourself caught up in the collective emotions your heart beats faster Tears of Joy or sadness come more readily being in a group does not stimulate independent reasoning but rather the intense desire to belong this can happen equally in a work environment particularly if the leader plays on people's emotions to Spur competitive aggressive desires or creates an Us Versus Them Dynamic the group effect does not necessarily require the presence of others it can occur virally as some opinion spreads over social media and infects us with the desire to share the opinion generally of

a strong variety such as outrage there is an exhilarating positive aspect to the stimulation of group emotions it is how we can be rallied to do something for the collective good but if you notice the appeal is to more diabolical emotions such as hatred of the other rabid patriotism aggression or sweeping worldviews you need to enaculate yourself and see through the powerful pull as it works on you it is often best to avoid the group setting if possible in order to maintain your reasoning powers or to enter such moments with maximum skepticism be aware of

demagogues who exploit the group effect and stimulate outbreaks of irrationality they inevitably resort to certain devices in a group setting they begin by warming up the crowd talking about ideas and values that everyone shares creating a pleasant feeling of agreement they rely on vague but loaded words full of emotive qualities such as Justice or truth or patriotism they talk of abstract noble goals rather than the solving of specific problems with concrete action demagogues and politics or the media try to stir a continual sense of panic urgency and outrage they must keep the emotional levels High

your defense is simple consider your reasoning Powers your ability to think for yourself your most precious possession resent any kind of intrusion upon your independent Mind by others when you feel you are in the presence of a demagogue become doubly weary and analytical a final word on the irrational and human nature do not imagine that the more extreme types of irrationality have somehow been overcome through progress and Enlightenment throughout history we witness continual cycles of rising and falling levels of the irrational the great Golden Age of Pericles with its philosophers and its first stirrings of

the scientific Spirit was followed by an age of superstition Cults and intolerance this same phenomenon happened after the Italian Renaissance that this cycle is bound to recur again and again is part of human nature the irrational simply changes its look and its Fashions we may know no longer have literal witch hunts but in the 20th century not so very long ago we witnessed the show Trials of Stalin the McCarthy hearings in the u s Senate and the mass persecutions during the Chinese Cultural Revolution various Cults are continually being generated including Cults of personality and the

fetishizing of celebrities technology now inspires religious fervor people have a desperate need to believe in something and they will find it anywhere HS have revealed that increasing numbers of people believe in ghosts spirits and angels in the 21st century as long as there are humans the irrational will find its voices and means of spreading rationality is something to be acquired by individuals not by mass movements or technological progress feeling Superior and Beyond it is a sure sign that the irrational is at work step three strategies toward bringing out the rational self despite our pronounced IR

rational Tendencies two factors should give us all hope first and foremost is the existence throughout history and in all cultures of people of High rationality the types who have made progress possible they serve as ideals for all of us to aim for these include Pericles the ruler Ahsoka of ancient India Marcus aelius of ancient Rome margarit devala and medieval France Leonardo da Vinci Charles Darwin Abraham Lincoln the writer Anton COV the Anthropologist Margaret me and the businessman Warren Buffett to name but a few all of these types share certain qualities a realistic appraisal of themselves

and their weaknesses a Devotion to truth and reality a tolerant attitude toward people and the ability to reach goals that they have set the second factor is that almost all of us at some point in our lives have experienced moments of Greater rationality this often comes with what we shall call the Maker's mindset we have a project to get done perhaps with a deadline the only emotion we can afford is excitement and energy other emotions simply make it impossible to concentrate because we have to get results we become exceptionally practical we focus on the work

our mind calm our ego not intruding if people try to interrupt or infect us with emotions we resent it these moments as fleeting as a few weeks or hours reveal the rational self that is waiting to come out it just requires some awareness and some practice the following strategies are designed to help you bring out that inner Pericles or Athena know yourself thoroughly The Emotional Self thrives on ignorance the moment you are aware of how it operates and dominates you is the moment it loses its hold on you and Can Be Tamed Therefore your first

step toward the rational is always inward you want to catch that Emotional Self in action for this this purpose you must reflect on how you operate under stress what particular weaknesses come out in such moments the desire to please to bully or control deep levels of mistrust look at your decisions especially those that have been ineffective can you see a pattern and underlying insecurity that impels them examine your strengths what makes you different from other people this will help you decide upon goals that mesh with your long-term interests and that are aligned with your skills

by knowing and valuing what marks you as different you will also be able to resist the pull of the group bias and effect examine your emotions to their Roots You are angry let the feeling settle from within and think about it was it triggered by something seemingly trivial or Petty that is a sure sign that something or someone else is behind it perhaps a more uncomfortable emotion is at the source such as Envy or paranoia you need to look look at this Square in the eye dig below any trigger points to see where they started

for these purposes it might be wise to use a journal in which you record your self assessments with ruthless objectivity your greatest danger here is your ego and how it makes you unconsciously maintain Illusions about yourself these may be comforting in the moment but in the long run they make you defensive and unable to learn or progress find a neutral position from which you can observe your actions with a bit of Detachment and even humor soon all of this will become second nature and when The Emotional Self suddenly rears its head in some situation you

will see it as it happens and be able to step back and find that neutral position increase your reaction time this power comes through practice and repetition when some event or interaction requires a response you must train yourself to step back this could mean physically removing yourself to a place where you can be alone and not feel any pressure to respond or it could mean writing that angry email but not sending it you sleep on it for a day or two you do not make phone calls or communicate while feeling some sudden emotion particularly resentment

if you find yourself rushing to commit to people to hire or be hired by them step back and give it a day cool the emotions down the longer you can take the better because perspective comes with time consider this like resisting training the longer you can resist reacting the more mental space you have for actual reflection and the stronger your mind will become accept people as facts interactions with people are the major source of emotional turmoil but it doesn't have to be that way the problem is that we are continually judging people wishing they were

something that they are not we want to change them we want them to think and act a certain way most often the way we think and act and because this is not not possible because everyone is different we are continually frustrated and upset instead see other people as phenomena as neutral as comets or plants they simply exist they come in all varieties making life rich and interesting work with what they give you instead of resisting and trying to change them make understanding people a fun game the solving of puzzles it is all part of the

human comedy yes people are rational but so are you make your acceptance of human nature as radical as possible this will calm you down and help you observe people more dispassionately understanding them on a deeper level you will stop projecting your own emotions onto them all of this will give you more balance and calmness more mental space for thinking it is certainly difficult to do this with the nightmare types who cross our path the Raging narcissists the passive aggressors and other inflamers they remain a continual test to our rationality look at the Russian writer Anton

czechav one of the most fiercely rational people who ever lived as the model for this his family was large and poor and his father an alcoholic mercilessly beat all of the children including young czechav czechav became a doctor and took up writing as a side career he applied his training as a doctor to the human animal his goal to understand what makes us so irrational so unhappy happy and so dangerous in his stories and plays he found it immensely therapeutic to get inside his characters and make sense of even the worst types in this way

he could forgive anybody even his father his approach in these cases was to imagine that each person no matter how twisted has a reason for what they've become a logic that makes sense to them in their own way they are striving for fulfillment but irrationally by stepping back and imagining their story from the inside Czech off demythologize the brutes and aggressors he cut them down to human size they no longer elicited hatred but rather pity you must think more like a writer in approaching the people you deal with even the worst sorts find the optimal

balance of thinking and emotion we cannot divorce emotions from thinking the two are completely intertwined but there is inevitably a dominant Factor some people more clearly governed by emotion than others what we are looking for is the proper ratio and balance the one that leads to the most effective action the ancient Greeks had an appropriate metaphor for this the Rider and the horse the horse is our emotional nature continually impelling us to move this horse has tremendous energy and power but without a rider it cannot be guided it is wild subject to preditors and continually

heading into trouble the writer is our thinking self through through training and practice it holds the Reign and guides the horse transforming this powerful animal energy into something productive the one without the other is useless without the rider no directed movement or purpose without the horse no energy no power in most people the horse dominates and the rider is weak in some people the rider is too strong holds the range too tightly and is afraid to occasionally let the animal go into a gallop The Horse and Rider must work together this means we consider our

actions beforehand we bring as much thinking as possible to a situation before we make a decision but once we decide what to do we loosen the Reign and interaction with boldness and a spirit of Adventure instead of being slaves to this energy we Channel it that is the essence of rationality as an example of this ideal in action try to maintain a perfect balance between skepticism and curiosity in this mode you are skeptical about your own enthusiasms and those of others you do not accept at face value people's explanations and their application of evidence you

look at the results of their actions not what they say about their motivations but if you take this too far your mind will close itself off from wild ideas from exciting speculations from Curiosity itself you want to retain the elasticity of spirit you had as a child interested in everything while while retaining the hard-nosed need to verify and scrutinize for yourself all ideas and beliefs the two can coexist it is a balance that all Geniuses possess love the rational it is important to not see the path to rationality as something painful and aesthetic in fact

it brings powers that are immensely satisfying and pleasurable much deeper than the mor manic Pleasures the world tends to offer us you have felt this in your own life when absorbed in in a project time flowing by and experiencing occasional bursts of excitement as you make discoveries or progress in your work there are other Pleasures as well being able to tame The Emotional Self leads to an overall calmness and Clarity in this state of mind you are less consumed by Petty conflicts and considerations your actions are more effective which also leads to less turmoil you

have the immense satisfaction of mastering yourself in a deep way you have more mental space to be creative you feel more in control knowing all of this it will become easier to motivate yourself to develop this power in this sense you are following the path of Pericles himself he invisioned the goddess Athena embodying all of the Practical powers of rationality he worshiped and loved this goddess above all others we may no longer venerate the goddess as a deity but we can appreciate on a deep level all of the those who promote rationality in our own

world and we can seek to internalize their power as much as we can trust your feelings but feelings are nothing final or original behind feelings there stand judgments and evaluations which we inherit in the form of inclinations aversions the inspiration born of a feeling is the grandchild of a judgment and often of a false judgment and in any event not a child of your own to trust one's feelings means to give more obedience to one's grandfather and grandmother and their grandparents than to the gods which are in us our reason and our experience friedi n

transform self-love into empathy the law of narcissism we all naturally possess the most remarkable tool for connecting to people and attaining Social Power empathy when cultivated and properly used it can allow us to see into the moods and minds of others giving us the power to anticipate people's actions and gently lower their resistance this instrument however is blunt Ed by our habitual self-absorption we are all narcissists some deeper on the Spectrum than others our mission in life is to come to terms with this self-love and learn how to turn our sensitivity outward toward others instead

of inward we must recognize at the same time the toxic narcissists among us before getting in mesed in their dramas and poisoned by their Envy the narcissistic Spectrum from the moment we are born we humans feel a never-ending need for attention we are social animals to the core our survival and happiness depend on the bonds we form with others if people do not pay attention to us we cannot connect to them on any level some of this is purely physical we must have people looking at us to feel alive as those who have gone through

long periods of isolation can attest without eye contact we begin to doubt our existence and to descend into a deep depression but this need is also deeply psychological through the quality of attention we receive from others we feel recognized and appreciated for who we are our sense of selfworth depends on this because this is so important to the human animal people will do almost anything to get attention including committing a crime or attempting suicide look behind almost any action and you will see this need as a primary motivation in trying to satisfy our hunger for

attention however we Face an inevitable problem there is only so much of it to go around in the family we have to compete with our siblings at school with classmates at work with colleagues the moments in which we feel recognized and appreciated are fleeting people can largely be indifferent to Our Fate as they must deal with their own problems there are even some who are downright hostile and disrespectful to us how do we handle those moments when we feel psychologically alone or even abandoned we can double our efforts to get attention and know notice but

this can exhaust our energy and it can often have the opposite effect people who try too hard seem desperate and repulse the attention they want we simply cannot rely on others to give us constant validation and yet We crave it facing this dilemma from Early Childhood on most of us come up with a solution that works quite well we create a self an image of ourselves that Comforts us and makes us feel validated from within this self is composed of our tastes our opinions how we look at the world what we value in building this

self-image we tend to accentuate our positive qualities and explain away our flaws we cannot go too far in this for if our self-image is too divorced from reality other people will make us aware of the discrepancy and we will doubt ourselves but if it is done properly in the end we have a self that we can love and cherish our energy turns inward we become the center of our attention when we experience those inevitable moments when we are alone or not feeling appreciated we can Retreat to this self and soothe ourselves if we have moments

of doubt and depression our self-love raises us up makes us feel worthy and even Superior to others this self-image operates as a thermostat helping us to regulate our doubts and insecurities we are no longer completely dependent on others for attention and recognition we have self-esteem this idea might seem strange we generally take this self-image completely for granted like the air we breathe it operates on a largely unconscious basis we don't feel or see the thermostat as it operates the best way to literally visualize this Dynamic is to look at those who lack a coherent sense

of self people we shall call Deep narcissists in constructing a self that we can hold on to and love the key moment in its development occurs between the ages of 2 and 5 years old as we slowly separate from our mother we Face a world in which we cannot get instant gratification we also become aware that we are alone and yet dependent on our parents for survival our answer is to identify with the best qualities of our parents their strength their ability to soothe us and incorporate these qualities into ourselves if our parents encourage us

in our first efforts at Independence if they validate our need to feel strong and recognize our unique qualities then our self-image takes root and we can slowly build upon it deep narcissists have a sharp break in this early development and so they never quite construct a consistent and realistic feeling of a self their mothers might be deep narcissists themselves too self-absorbed to acknowledge the child to encourage its early efforts at Independence or alternatively the parents could be in meshes over involved in the child's life suffocating it with attention isolating it from others and living through

its advancement as a means to validate their own selfworth they give the child no room to establish a self in the backgrounds of almost all deed narcissists we find either abandonment or enmeshment the result is that they have no self to retreat to no foundation for self-esteem and are completely dependent on the attention they can get from others to make them feel alive and worthy in childhood if such narcissists are extroverts they can function reasonably well and even Thrive they become Masters at attracting notice and monopolizing attention they can appear vivacious and exciting in a

child such qualities can seem a sign of future social success but underneath the surface they are becoming dangerously addicted to the hits of attention they stimulate to make them feel whole and worthy if they are introverts they will Retreat to a Fantasy Life imagining a self that is quite Superior to others since they will not get validation of this self-image from others because it is so unrealistic they will also have moments of great doubt and even self-loathing they are either a God or a worm lacking a coherent core they could imagine themselves to be anyone

and so their fantasies will keep shifting as they try on new personalities the nightmare for deep narcissists generally arrives in their 20s and 30s they have failed to develop that in thermostat a cohesive sense of self to love and depend upon the extroverts must constantly attract attention to feel alive and appreciated they become more dramatic more exhibitionistic and grandiose this can become tiresome and even pathetic they have to change friends and scenes so that they can have a fresh audience introverts fall deeper into a fantasy self being socially awkward yet radiating superiority they tend to

alienate people increasing their dangerous isolation in both cases drugs or alcohol were any other form of addiction can become a necessary crutch to sooe them in the inevitable moments of doubt and depression you can recognize deep narcissists by the following Behavior patterns if they are ever insulted or challenged they have no defense nothing internal to soothe them or validate their worth they generally react with great rage thirsting for Vengeance full of a sense of righteousness this is the only way they know how to assuage their insecurities in such battles they will position them M themselves

as the wounded victim confusing others and even drawing sympathy they are prickly and oversensitive almost everything is taken personally they can become quite paranoid and have enemies in all directions to Point to you can see an impatient or distant look on their face whenever you talk about something that does not directly involve them in some way they immediately turn the conversation back to themselves with some story or anecdote to distract from the insecurity behind it they can be prone to vicious bouts of Envy if they see others getting the attention they feel they deserve they

frequently display extreme self-confidence this always helps to gain attention and it neatly covers up their gaping inner emptiness and their fragmented sense of self but beware if this confidence is ever truly put to the test when it comes to other people in their lives deep narcissists have an unusual relationship that is hard for us to understand they tend to see others as extensions of themselves what is known as selfobjects people exist as instruments for attention and validation their desire is to control them like they control their own arm or leg in a relationship they will

slowly make the partner cut off contact with friends there must be no competition for attention some highly talented deep narcissists manage to find some Redemption through their work channeling their energies and getting the attention they crave through their accomplishments although though they tend to remain quite erratic and volatile for most deep narcissists however it can be difficult to concentrate on their work lacking the self-esteem thermostat they are prone to continually worrying about what others think of them this makes it hard to actually Focus attention outward for long periods of time and to deal with the

impatience and anxiety that comes with work such types tend to change jobs and careers quite frequently this becomes the nail in their coffin unable to attract genuine recognition through their accomplishments they are forever thrown back on the need to artificially stimulate attention deep narcissists can be annoying and frustrating to deal with they can also become quite harmful if we get too close to them they entangle us in their never-ending dramas and make us feel guilty if we are not continually paying them attention relationships with them are most unsatisfying and having one as a partner or

spouse can be deadly in the end everything must revolve around them the best solution in such cases is to get out of their way once we identify them as a deep narcissist there is one variety of this type however that is more dangerous than toxic because of the levels of power he or she can attain namely the narcissistic leader this type has been around for a long time in the Bible absolum was perhaps the first recorded example but we find frequent references in ancient literature to others Al bies Cicero and Emperor Nero to name a

few almost all dictator types and tyrannical CEOs fall into this category they generally have more ambition than the average deep narcissist and for a while can funnel this energy into work full of narcissistic self-confidence they attract attention and followers they say and do things that other people don't dare say or do which seems admirable and authentic they might have a vision for some Innovative product and because they radiate such confidence they can find others to help them realize their Vision they are experts at using people if they have success a terrible momentum is set in

place more people are attracted to their leadership which only inflates their grandiose Tendencies if anyone dares to challenge them they are more prone than others to go into that deep narcissistic rage they are hyp sensitive they also like to stir up constant drama as a main means to justify their power they are the only ones who can solve the problems they create this also gives them more opportunities to be the center of attention the workplace is never stable under their Direction sometimes they can become entrepreneurs people who found a company because of their Charisma and

ability to attract followers they can have creative flare as well but for many of these leader types eventually their own inner instability and Chaos will come to be mirrored in the company or group they lead they cannot Forge a coherent structure or organization everything must flow through them they have to control everything and everyone their selfobjects they will Proclaim this as a virtue as being authentic and spontaneous when really they lack the ability to focus and create something solid they tend to burn and Destroy whatever they create let us imagine narcissism as a way of

gauging the level of our self-absorption as if it existed on a measurable scale from high to low at a certain depth let us say below the halfway mark on the scale people enter the realm of deep narcissism once they reach this depth it is very difficult for them to raise themselves back up because they lack the self-esteem device the Deep narcissist becomes completely self-absorbed almost always below the mark If for a moment they manage to engage with others some comment or action will trigger their insecurities and they will go plummeting down but mostly they tend

to sink deeper into themselves over time other people are instruments reality is just a reflection of their needs constant attention is their only way of survival above that halfway mark is what we shall call the functional narcissist where most of us reside we also are self-absorbed but what prevents us from falling deep into ourselves is a coherent sense of self that we can rely upon and love it is ironic that the word narcissism has come to mean self-love when it is in fact the case that the worst narcissists have no cohesive self to love which

is the source of their problem this creates some inner resiliency we may have deeper narcissistic moments fluctuating below the mark particularly when depressed or challenged in life but inevitably we Elevate ourselves not feeling continually insecure or wounded not always needing to fish for attention functional narcissists can turn their attention outward into their work and into building relationships with people our task as students of human nature is three-fold first we must fully understand the phenomenon of the deep narcissist although they are in the minority some of them can inflict an unusual amount of harm in the

world we must be able to distinguish the toxic types that stir up drama and try to turn us into objects they can use for their purposes they can draw Us in with their unusual energy but if we become in mesed it can be a nightmare to disengage they are Masters at turning the tables and making others feel guilty narcissistic leaders are the most dangerous of all and we must resist their pull and see through the facade of their apparent creativity knowing how to handle the Deep narcissists in our lives is an important art for all

of us second we must be honest about our own nature and not deny it we are all narcissists in a conversation we are all champing at a bit to talk to tell our story to give our opinion we like people who share our ideas they reflect back to us our good taste if we happen to be assertive we see assertiveness as a positive quality because it is ours whereas others more timid will rate it as obnoxious and value introspective qualities we are all prone to flattery because of our self-love moralizers who try to separate themselves

and denounce the narcissists in the world today are often the biggest narcissists of them all they love the sound of their voice as they point fingers and preach we are all on the spectrum of self-absorption creating a self that we can love is a healthy development and there should be no Stigma attached to it without self-esteem from within we would fall into deep narcissism but to move Beyond functional narcissism which should be our goal we must first be honest with ourselves trying to deny our self-absorbed nature trying to pretend we are somehow more altruistic than

others makes it impossible for us to transform ourselves third and most important we must begin to make the transformation into the healthy narcissist healthy narcissists have a stronger even more resilient sense of self they tend to hover closer to the top of the scale they recover more quickly from any wounds or insults they do not need as much validation from others they realize at some point in life that they have limits and flaws they can laugh at these flaws and not take slights so personally in many ways by embracing the full picture of themselves their

self-love is more real and complete from this stronger inner position they can turn their attention outward more often and more easily this attention goes in one of two directions and sometimes both first they are able to direct their focus and their love into their work becoming great artists creators and inventors because their outward focus on the work is more intense they tend to be successful in their Ventures which gives them the necessary attention and validation they can have moments of doubt and insecurity and artists can be notoriously brittle but work stands as a continual release

from too much self-absorption the other direction healthy narcissists take is toward people developing empathic Powers imagine empathy as the realm lying at the very top of the scale and Beyond complete absorption in others by our very nature we humans have tremendous abilities to understand people from the inside out in our earliest years we felt completely bonded with our mother and we could sense her every mood and read her every emotion in a preverbal way unlike any other animal or primate we also had the ability to extend this beyond the mother to other caregivers and people

in our vicinity this is the physical form of empathy that we feel even to this day with our closest friends spouses or Partners we also have a natural ability to take the perspective of others to think our way inside their minds these Powers largely lie dormant because of our self-absorption but in our 20s and Beyond feeling more confident about ourselves we can begin to focus outward on people and ReDiscover these Powers those who practice this empathy often become Superior social observers in the Arts or Sciences therapists and leaders of the highest order the need to

develop this empathy is greater than ever various Studies have indicated a gradual increase in levels of self-absorption and narcissism in young people since the late 1970s with a much higher Spike since 2000 much of this can be attributed to technology and the internet people simply spend less time in social interactions and more time socializing online which makes it increasingly difficult to develop empathy and sharpen social skills like any skill empathy comes through the quality of attention if your attention is continually interrupted by the need to look at your smartphone you are never really gaining a

foothold in the feelings or perspectives of other people you are continually drawn back to yourself flitting about the surface of social interactions never really engaging even in a crowd you remain essentially alone people come to serve a function not to bond with but to Plate your insecurities our brains were built for continual social interaction the complexity of this interaction is one of the main factors that drastically increased our intelligence as a species at a certain point involving ourselves less with others has a net negative effect on the brain itself and atrophies our social muscle to

make matters worse our culture tends to emphasize the Supreme value of the individual and individual rights encouraging greater self-involvement we find more and more people who cannot not imagine that others have a different perspective that we are all not exactly the same in what we desire or think you must try to run counter to these developments and create empathic energy each side of the spectrum has its peculiar momentum deep narcissism tends to sink you deeper as your connection to reality lessons and you are unable to really develop your work or your relationships empathy does the

opposite as you increasingly turn your attention outward you get constant positive feedback people want to be around you more you develop your empathic muscle your work improves without trying you gain the attention that all humans thrive on empathy creates its own upward positive momentum the following are the four components that go into the empathic skill set the empathic attitude empathy is more than anything a state of mind a different way of relating to others the greatest danger you face is your general assumption that you really understand people and that you can quickly judge and categorize

them instead you must begin with the assumption that you are ignorant and that you have natural biases that will make you judge people incorrectly the people around you present a mask that suits their purposes you mistake the mask for reality let go of your tendency to make snap judgments open your mind to seeing people in a new light do not assume that you are similar or that they share your values e person you meet is like an Undiscovered Country with a very particular psychological chemistry that you will carefully explore you are more than ready to

be surprised by what you uncover this flexible open spirit is similar to Creative Energy a willingness to consider more possibilities and options in fact developing your empathy will also improve your creative Powers the best place to begin this transformation in your attitude is in your numerous daily conversations try reversing your normal impulse to talk and give your opinion Desiring instead to hear the other person's point of view you have tremendous curiosity in this direction cut off your incessant interior monologue as best you can give full attention to the other what matters here is the quality

of your listening so that in the course of the conversation you can mirror back to the other person things they said or things that were left unsaid but that you sensed this will have a tremendous seductive effect as part of this attitude you are giving people the same level of indulgence that you give yourself for instance we all have a tendency to do the following when we make a mistake we attribute it to circumstances that pushed us into doing it but when others make a mistake we tend to see it as a character flaw as

something that flowed from their imperfect personality this is known as the attribution bias you must work against this with an empathic attitude you consider first the circumstances that might have made a person do what they did giving them the same benefit of the doubt as you give yourself finally adopting this attitude depends on the quality of your self-love if you feel terribly Superior to others or gripped by insecurities your moments of empathy and absorption in people will be shallow what you need is a complete acceptance of your character including your flaws which you can see

clearly but even appreciate and love you are not perfect you are not an angel you have the same nature as others with this attitude you can laugh at yourself and let slights wash over you from a position of genuine inner strength and resilience you can more easily direct your attention outward visceral empathy empathy is an instrument of emotional Attunement it is hard for us to read or figure out the thoughts of another person but feelings and moods are much easier for us to pick up we are all prone to catching the emotions of another person

the physical boundaries between us and other people are much more permeable than we realize people are continually affecting our moods what you are doing here is turning this physiological response into knowledge pay deep attention to the moods of people as indicated by their body language and tone of voice when they talk they have a feeling tone that is either in sync or not in sync with what they are saying this tone can can be one of confidence insecurity defensiveness arrogance frustration Elation this tone manifests itself physically in their voice their gestures and their posture in

each encounter you must try to detect this before even paying attention to what they are saying this will register to you viscerally in your own physical response to them a defensive tone on their part will tend to create a like feeling in you a key element you are trying to figure out is people's intent itions there's almost always an emotion behind any intention and beyond their words you are attuning yourself to what they want their goals which will also register physically in you if you pay attention for instance someone you know suddenly shows unusual interest

in your life gives you the kind of attention you've never had before is it a real attempt to connect or a distraction a means of softening you up so they can use you for their own purposes instead of focusing on their words would show interest and excitement focus on the overall feeling tone that you pick up How Deeply are they listening are they making consistent eye contact does it feel like even though they are listening to you they are absorbed in themselves if you are the object of sudden attention but it seems unreliable they are

probably intending to ask something of you to use and manipulate you in some way this kind of empathy depends largely on mirror neurons those neurons that fire in our brain when we watch someone do something such as picking up an object just as if we were doing it ourselves this allows us to put ourselves in the shoes of others and to feel what it must be like Studies have revealed that people who score high on tests of empathy are generally excellent mimics when someone Smiles or wnes in pain they tend to unconsciously imitate the expression

giving them a feel for what others are feeling when we see someone smiling and in a good mood it tends to have a contagious effect on us you can consciously use this power in trying to get into the emotions of others either by literally mimicking their facial gestures or by Conjuring up memories of similar experiences that stirred such emotions before Alex Haley began writing Roots he spent some time in the dark interior of a ship trying to recreate the claustrophobic horror slaves must have experienced a visceral connection to their feelings allowed him to write himself

into their world as an adjunct to this mirroring people on any level will draw out an empathic response from them this can be physical and is known as the chameleon effect people who are connecting physically and emotionally in a conversation will tend to mimic each other's gestures and posture both crossing their legs for instance to a degree you can do this consciously to induce a connection by deliberately mimicking someone similarly nodding your head as they talk and smiling will deepen the connection even better you can enter the Spirit of the other person you absorb their

mood deeply and reflected back to them you create a feeling of Rapport people secretly crave this emotional Rapport in their daily lives because they get it so rarely it has a hypnotic effect and appeals to people's narcissism as you become their mirror in practicing this type of empathy keep in mind that you must maintain a degree of distance you are not becoming completely in mesed in the emotions of another this will make it hard for you to analyze what you are picking up and can lead to a loss of control that is not healthy also

doing this too strongly and obviously can create a creepy effect the nodding smiling and mirroring at selected moments should be subtle almost impossible to detect analytic empathy the reason you are able to understand your friends or Partners so deeply is that you have a lot of information about their tastes values and family background we have all had the experience of thinking we know someone but over time having to adjust our original impression once we get more information so while physical empathy is extremely powerful it must be supplemented by analytic empathy this can prove particularly helpful

with people toward whom we feel resistant and whom we have a hard time identifying with either because they are very different from us or because there is something about them that repels Us in such cases we naturally resort to judging and putting them into categories there are people out there who are not worth the effort Supreme fools or true Psychopaths but for most others who seem hard to figure out we should see it as an excellent challenge and a way to improve our skills as Abraham Lincoln said I don't like that man I must get

to know him better analytic empathy comes mostly through conversation and gathering information that will allow you to get inside the spirit of others some pieces of information are more valuable than others for instance you want to get a read on people's values which are mostly established in their earliest years people develop concepts of what they consider strong sensitive generous and weak often based on their parents and their relationship to them one woman will see a man crying as a sign of sensitivity and be attracted to it while another will see it as weak and repulsive

by not understanding people's values on this level or by projecting your own you will misread their reaction and create unnecessary conflicts your goal then is to gather as much as you can about the early years of the people you are studying and their relationship to their parents and siblings keep in mind that their current relationship to family will also speak volumes about the past try to get a read on their reactions to authority figures this will help you see to what extent they have a rebellious or submissive streak their taste and partners will also say

a lot if people seem reluctant to talk try asking open-ended questions or begin with a sincere admission of your own to establish trust in general people love to talk about themselves and their past and it is usually quite easy to get them to open up look for trigger points that indicate points of extreme sensitivity if they come from another culture it is all the more important to understand this culture from within their experience your goal in general is to find out what makes them unique you are looking precis precisely for what is different from yourself

and the other people you know from yourself and the other people you know from yourself and the other people you know and from yourself and the other people you know and from yourself and the other people you know from yourself and the other the empathic skill becoming empathetic involves a process like anything in order to make sure that you are really making progress and improving your ability to understand people on a deeper level you need feedback this can come in one of two forms direct and indirect in the direct form you ask people about their

thoughts and feelings to get a sense of whether you have guessed correctly this must be discreet and based on a level of trust but it can be a very accurate gauge of your skill then there is the indirect form you sense a greater Rapport and how certain techniques have worked for you to work on this skill keep several things in mind the more people you interact with In the Flesh the better you will get at this and the greater the variety of people you meet the more versatile your skill will become also keep a sense

of flow your ideas about people never quite settle into a judgment in an encounter keep your attention active to see how the other person changes over the course of a conversation and the effect you are having on them be alive to the moment try to see people as they interact with others besides you people are often very different depending on the person they are involved with try to focus not on categories but on the feeling tone and mood that people evoking you which is continually shifting as you get better at this you will discover more

and more cues that people give as to their psychology you will notice more continually mix the visceral with the analytic seeing Improvement in your skill level will excite you greatly and motivate you to go deeper in general you will notice a smoother ride through life as you avoid unnecessary conflicts and Mis understandings the deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated William James four examples of narcissistic types one the complete control narcissist when most people first met Joseph Stalin in the early part of his reign as premier of the Soviet Union they

found him surprisingly Charming although older than most of his lieutenants he encouraged them all to address him with the familiar eform in Russian he made himself completely accessible even to Junior officials when he listened to you it was with such intensity and interest his eyes boring into you he seemed to pick up your deepest thoughts and doubts but his greatest trait was to make you feel important and part of the inner circle of revolutionaries he would put his arm around you as he accompanied you out of his office always ending the meeting on an intimate

note as one young man later wrote people who saw him were anxious to see him again because he created a sense that there was now a bond that linked him forever sometimes he would turn slightly aloof and it would drive his courtiers crazy then the mood would pass and they would back again in his affection part of his charm lay in the fact that he epitomized the revolution he was a man of the people rough and a bit rude but someone an average Russian could identify with and more than anything Joseph Stalin could be quite

entertaining he loved to sing and to tell earthy jokes with these qual ities it was no wonder that he slowly amassed power and assumed complete control of the Soviet Machinery but as the years wore on and his power grew another side to his character slowly leaked out the apparent friendliness was not as simple as it had seemed perhaps the first significant sign of this among his inner circle was the fate of Sergey kirov a powerful member of the pit Bureau and since the suicide of Stalin's wife in 1932 his closest friend and confidant kirov was

an enthusiastic somewhat simple man who made friends easily and had a way of comforting Stalin but kirov was starting to become a little too popular in 1934 several Regional leaders approached him with an offer they were tired of Stalin's brutal treatment of the peasantry they were going to instigate a coup and wanted to make kirov the new premere kirov remained loyal he revealed the plot to Stalin who thanked him profusely but something changed in his manner toward kirov from then on a coldness that had never been there before kirov understood the predicament he had created

he had revealed to Stalin that he was not as popular as he had thought and that one person in particular was more likee than him he felt the danger he was now in he tried everything he could to assade Stalin's insecurities in public appearances he mentioned Stalin's name more than ever his expressions of Praise became more folsome this only seemed to make Stalin even more suspicious as if kirov were trying too hard to cover up the truth now kirov remembered the many rough jokes he had made at Stalin's expense at the time it had been

an expression of their closeness that kirov dared to laugh at him but now Stalin would certainly see these jokes in a different light kirov felt trapped and helpless in December 1934 a lone gunman assassinated kirov outside his office although no one could directly implicate Stalin it seemed almost almost certain that the killing had his tacit approval in the years after the assassination one close friend of Stalin after another was arrested all of this leading to the Great Purge within the party during the late 1930s in which hundreds of thousands lost their lives almost all of

his top lieutenants caught up in The Purge were tortured for a confession and afterward Stalin would listen eagerly as those who had conducted the torture would tell him of the desperate behavior of his once- Brave friends he laughed at the accounts of how got down on their knees and weeping begged for an audience with Stalin to ask for forgiveness of their sins and to be allowed to live he seemed to relish their humiliation what had happened to him what had changed this once so congenial man with his closest friends he could still show unadulterated affection

but in an instant he could turn against them and send them to their deaths other odd traits became apparent outwardly Stalin was extremely modest he was the proletarian incarnate if someone suggested that he be paid some public tribute he would react angrily one man should not be the center of so much attention he would Proclaim but slowly his name and image began to appear everywhere the newspaper praver ran stories on his every move almost deifying him at a military parade planes would fly overhead in a formation spelling the name Stalin he denied having any involvement

in this growing cult around him but he he did nothing to stop it he increasingly spoke of himself in the third person as if he had become an impersonal revolutionary force and as such he was infallible if he happened to mispronounce a word in a speech every subsequent speaker from then on would have to pronounce it that way if IID said it right confessed one of his top lieutenants Stalin would have felt I was correcting him and that could prove suicidal as it seemed certain that Hitler was preparing to invade the Soviet Union Stalin began

to oversee every detail of the war effort he continually bered his lieutenants for slackening their efforts I am the only one dealing with all these problems I am out there by myself he once complained soon many of his generals felt like they were in a double bind if they spoke their mind he could be terribly insulted but if they deferred to his opinion he would fly into a rage what's the point of talking to you he once shouted to a group of generals whatever I say you reply yes comrade Stalin of course comrade Stalin wise

decision comrade Stalin in his Fury at feeling alone in the war effort he fired his most competent and experienced generals he now oversaw every detail of the war effort down to the size and shape of bayonets it soon became a matter of life or death for his lieutenants to accurately read his moods and whims it was critical to never make him anxious which made him Danger ously unpredictable you had to look him in the eye so that it did not seem like you were hiding something but if you looked for too long he became nervous

and self-conscious a very risky blend you were supposed to take notes when he talked but not write down everything or you would seemed suspicious some who were blunt with him did well While others ended up in prison perhaps the answer was to know when to mix in a touch of bluntness but to largely defer figuring him out became an Arcane science that they would discuss with one another the worst fate of all was to be invited to dinner and a late night movie at his house it was impossible to refuse such an invitation and they

became more and more frequent after the war outwardly it was just like before a warm intimate fraternity of revolutionaries but inwardly it was sheer Terror here during all night drinking bouts he would keep a watchful eye on all of his top lieutenants he forced them to drink more and more so they would lose their self-control he secretly delighted in their struggles to not say or do anything that would incriminate them the worst was toward the end of the evening when he would pull out the gramophone play some music and order the men to dance he

would make Nikita kushev the future premere do the go pack a highly strenuous dance that included much squatting and kicking it would often make kushch sick to his stomach the others he would have slow danc together while he smiled smiled and laughed uously at the sight of grown men dancing as a couple it was the ultimate form of control the Puppet Master choreographing their every move interpretation the great Riddle That Joseph Stalin and his type present is how people who are so deeply narcissistic can also be so charming and through their charm gain influence how

can they possibly connect with others when they are so clearly self-obsessed how are they able to Mesmerize the answer lies in the early part of their careers before they turn paranoid and vicious these types generally have more ambition and energy than the average deep narcissist they also tend to have even greater insecurities the only way they can mify these insecurities and satisfy their ambition is by gaining from others more than the usual share of attention and validation which can really only come through securing Social Power in either politics or business early on in life these

types stumbled upon on the best means for doing so as with most deep narcissists they are hyp sensitive to any perceived slight they have fine and tenny attuned to people to probe their feelings and thoughts to sus out if there is any hint of disrespect but what they discover at some point is that this sensitivity can be tuned to others to probe their desires and insecurities being so sensitive they can listen to people with deep attention they can mimic empathy the difference is that from within they are impelled not by the need to connect but

by the need to control people and manipulate them they listen and Pro in order to discover weaknesses to play on their attention is not all faked or it would have no effect in the moment they can feel camaraderie as they put their arm around your shoulder but afterward they control and stifle its blossoming into anything real or deeper if they did not do so they would risk losing control of their emotions and opening themselves up to being hurt they pull you in with a display of attention and affection then lure you in deeper with the

inevitable coldness that follows did you do or say something wrong how can you regain their favor it can be subtle it can register in a glance that lasts a second or two but it has its effect it is the classic push and pull of the coet that makes you want to re-experience the warmth you once felt combined with the unusually high levels of confidence displayed by this type this can have a devastatingly seductive effect on people and attract followers complete control narcissists stimulate your desire to get closer to them but keep you at Arms distance

all of this is about control they control their emotions and they control your reactions at some point as they get more secure in their power they will resent the fact that they had to play the charm game why should they have to pay attention to others when it should be the other way around so they will inevitably turn against former friends revealing the envy and hatred that was always just below the surface they controlled who is in and who is out who lives and who dies by creating double binds in which nothing you say or

do will please them or by making it seem arbitrary they terrorize you with this insecurity they now control your emotions at some point they will become total micromanagers whom can they trust anymore people have turned into automatons and capable of making decisions so they must oversee everything if they reach such extremes these types will end up destroying themselves because it is actually impossible to rid the human animal of free will people rebel even the most cow in Stalin's last days he suffered a stroke but none of his lieutenants dared to help him or call for

a doctor he died from the neglect as they had come to both fear and lo him you will almost inevitably encounter this type in your life because through their ambition they tend to become bosses and CEOs political figures cult leaders the danger they represent to you is in the beginning when they first apply their charm you can see through them by employing your visceral empathy their show of interest in you is never deep never lasts too long and is inevitably followed by a coish pullback if you stop being distracted by the outward attempt at charm

you can sense this coldness and the degree to which the attention inevitably flows to them look at their past you will notice that they do not have one single deep and intimate relationship in which they exposed any vulnerability look for signs of a troubled childhood Stalin himself had a father who beat him mercilessly and a rather cold and unloving mother listen to people who have seen their true nature and have tried to warn others indeed Stalin's predecessor Vladimir lenen had understood his lethal nature and and on his deathbed he tried to Signal this to others

but his warnings went unheeded notice the terrified expressions of those who serve such Types on a daily basis if you suspect you are dealing with this type you must keep your distance they are like tigers once you are too close you cannot get away and they will devour you two the theatrical narcissist in 1627 the Prius of the ursin nuns in Lowden France welcomed into the house a new sister Jean de belil Jean was a strange creature rather dwarfish in size she had a pretty Angelic face but a malicious glint in her eye in her

previous house she had made a lot of enemies with her continual sarcasm but to the prior's surprise transferred to this new house Jean seemed to undergo a transformation she now acted like a complete Angel offering to help the Prius in all of her daily tasks moreover given some books to read on St Teresa and mysticism Jean became engrossed in the subject she spent long hours discussing spiritual questions with the prioris within months she had become the house expert on mystical theology she could be seen meditating and praying for hours more than any other sister later

that same year the prioris was transferred to another house deeply impressed by Jean's behavior and ignoring the advice of others who did not think so highly of her the Prius recommended Jean as her replacement Suddenly at the very young age of 25 Jean now found herself the head of the ursul and nuns in Lowden several months later the sisters at Lowden began to hear some very strange stories from Jean she had had a series of Dreams in which a local Parish priest reain grandier had visited and physically assaulted her the dreams became increasingly erratic and

violent what was strange was that before these dreams Dream Jean had invited grandier to become the director of the ursin house but he had politely declined in Lowden locals considered grandier a gallant Seducer of young ladies was Jean merely indulging in her own fantasies she was so Pious that it was hard to believe she was making it all up and the dreams seemed very real and unusually graphic soon after she began telling them to others several sisters reported having similar dreams one day the house Confessor Canon Manon heard a sister recount such a dream Minon

like many others had long despised grander and he saw in these dreams an opportunity to finally do him in he called in some exorcists to work on the nuns and soon almost all of the sisters were reporting nightly visits from grander to the exorcists it was clear these nuns were possessed by Devils under the control of grander for the edification of the citizenry M and his allies opened the exorcisms up to the public who now flocked from far and wide to witness a most entertaining scene the nuns would roll on the ground writhing showing their

legs screaming endless obscenities and of all the sisters Jean seemed the most possessed her contortions were more violent and the demons that spoke through her were more strident in their satanic oathes it was one of the strongest possessions they had ever seen and the public clamored to witness her exorcisms above all the other it now seemed apparent to the exorcists that grander despite never having set foot in the house or having met Jean had somehow Bewitched and debauched the good sisters of Lowden he was soon arrested and charged with sorcery based on the evidence grandier

was condemned to death after much torture he was burned at the stake on August 18th 1634 before an enormous crowd soon the whole business quieted down the nuns were s suddenly cleared of demons all except Jean the demons were not only refusing to leave her but were gaining a stronger hold on her the Jesuits hearing of this notorious possession decided to take charge of the affair and sent father Jean Joseph Surin to exorcize her once and for all Surin found her a fascinating subject she was completely versed in matters concerning demonology and was clearly desponded

at her fate and yet she did not seem to resist strong enough the demons who inhabited her perhaps she had succumbed to their influence one thing was certain she had taken an unusual liking to Surin and kept him in the house for hours for Spiritual discussions she started to pray and meditate with more energy she got rid of all possible luxuries she slept on the hard floor and had vomit inducing potions of warmwood poured over her food she reported to Sir her progress and confessed to him that she had come so near to God that

she had received a kiss from his mouth with sirin's help one demon after another fled her body and then came her first miracle the name Joseph could be read quite clearly in the palm of her left hand when this faded away after several days it was replaced by the name of Jesus and then Mary and then other names it was a stigma a sign of true Grace from God after this Jean fell deeply ill and seemed close to death she reported being visited by a beautiful young angel with long flowing blonde hair then St Joseph

himself came to her and touched her side where she felt the greatest pain and anointed her with a fragrant oil she recovered and the oil left a mark on her shames in the form of five clear drops the demons were now gone to surin's enormous relief the story was over but jean surprised him with a strange request she wanted to go on a tour of Europe displaying these miracles to one one and all she felt it was her duty to do so it seemed oddly contradictory to her modest character and ever so slightly worldly but

Surin agreed to accompany her in Paris enormous crowds filled the streets outside her hotel wanting to catch a glimpse of her she met Cardinal rishu who seemed quite moved and kissed the fragrance shames now a saintly Relic she showed her stigma to the king and queen of France the tour moved on she met the greatest Aristocrats and luminaries of her era in one town everyday crowds of 7,000 people would enter the convent where she was staying the demand to hear her story was so intense that she decided to issue a printed booklet in which she

described in great detail her possession her most intimate thoughts and the miracle that had occurred at her death in 1665 the head of Jean Dees as she was now known was decapitated mummified and played placed in a silver Guild box with Crystal Windows it was displayed next to the anointed shames for those who wanted to see it at the ursin house in Lowden until its disappearance during the French Revolution interpretation in her earliest years Jean deeli displayed an insatiable appetite for attention she wearied her parents who finally got rid of her by sending her to

a Convent in poier there she proceeded to drive the nuns insane with her sarcasm and incredible air of superiority sent off to Lowden it seemed she decided to try a different approach to gaining the recognition she so desperately needed given books on spirituality she determined she would Excel all others in her knowledge and Pious Behavior she made a complete show of both and gained the good favor of the prioris but as head of the house she felt bored and the attention she now received inadequate her dreams of grander were a mix of fabrication and autosuggestion

soon after the exorcists arrived she was given a book on demonology which she devoured and knowing the various ins and outs of devil inhabitation she proceeded to give herself all of the most dramatic traits which would be picked up by the exorcists as sure signs of possession she became the star of the public spectacle while possessed she went further than all others in her degradation and lwd behavior after Grand's gruesome execution which profoundly affected the other nuns who certainly felt guilt at the park they had played in the death of an innocent man Jean alone

felt the sudden lack of attention as unbearable and so she up the Auntie by refusing to let go of the Demons she had become a master at sensing the weaknesses and hidden desires of those around her first the prioris and then the exorcists and now father Surin he wanted so badly to be the one to redeem her that he would fall for the simplest of Miracles as for the Stigmata some later speculated that she had etched these names with acid or Trace them through colored starch it seemed odd that they appeared only on her left

hand where it would be easy for her to write them out it is known that in extreme hysteria the skin becomes particularly sensitive and a fingernail can do the trick as someone who had long experimented in concocting Herbal Remedies it was easy for her to apply fragrant drops once people believed in the Stigmata it would be hard for them to doubt the anointment even Surin found the the need for tour dubious at this point she could no longer disguise her true appetite for attention years later Jean wrote an autobiography in which she admitted to a

completely theatrical side to her personality she was continually playing a part although she maintained that the final miracle was sincere and real many of the sisters who dealt with her on a daily basis saw through the facade and described her as a consumate actress addicted to attention and fame one of the the strange paradoxes about deep narcissism is that it often goes unnoticed by others until the behavior becomes too extreme to ignore the reason for this is simple deep narcissists can be Masters of Disguise they sense early on that if they revealed their true selves

to others their need for constant attention and to feel Superior they would repel people they use their lack of a coherent self as an advantage they can play many parts they can disguise their need for attention through various dramatic devices they can go further than anyone in seeming moral and altruistic they never just give or support the right cause they make a show of it who wants to doubt the sincerity of this display of morality or they go in the opposite direction reving in their status as a victim as someone suffering at the hands of

others or neglected by the world it is easy to get caught up in the drama of the moment only to suffer later as they consume you with their needs or use you for their their purposes they play on your empathy your only solution is to see through the trick recognize this typed by the fact that the focus always seems to be on them notice how they are always superior in supposed goodness or suffering or squalor see the continual drama and the theatrical quality of their gestures everything they do or say is for public consumption do

not let yourself become collateral damage in their drama three the narcissistic couple in 1862 several days before 32-year-old Leo Tolstoy was to Wed Sonia Bears only 18 years old at the time he suddenly decided that there should be no secrets between them as part of that he brought her his Diaries and to his surprise what she read made her weep and get quite angry as well in these Pages he had written about his many previous love affairs including his ongoing infatuation with a nearby peasant woman with whom he had had a child he also wrote

about the brothel he frequented the ganaria he had caught and his endless gambling she felt intense jealousy and disgust at the same time why make her read this she accused him of having second thoughts of not really loving her taken aback by this reaction he accused her of the same he wanted to share with her his old ways so that she would understand he was happily forsaking them for a new life with her why should she rebuke his attempt at honesty she clearly did not love him as much as he had thought why was it

so painful for her to say goodbye to her family before the wedding did she love them more than him they managed to reconcile and the wedding took place but a pattern was set that would continue for 48 years for Sonia despite their frequent arguments the marriage eventually settled into a relatively comfortable Rhythm she had become his most trusted assistant the besides bearing eight children in 12 years five of whom survived she carefully copied out his books for him including War and Peace and anarina and managed much of the business side of publishing his books everything

seemed to be going along well enough he was a rich man from both the family estates he had inherited and the sales of his books he had a large family who doted on him he was famous but suddenly at the age of 50 he felt immensely unhappy and ashamed of the books he had written he no longer knew who he was he was undergoing a deep spiritual crisis and he found the Orthodox Church too strict and dogmatic to help him his life had to change he would write no more novels and henceforth he would live

like a common peasant he would give up his property and renounce all copyrights on his books and he asked his family to join him in this new life devoted to helping others and to spiritual matters to to his dismay the family Sonia leading the way reacted angrily he was asking them to give up their style of living their Comforts and the children's future inheritance Sonia did not feel the need for any drastic change in their lifestyle and she resented his accusations that she was somehow evil and materialistic for resisting they fought and fought and neither

budged now when Tolstoy looked at his wife all he could see was someone who was using him for his Fame and his money that was clearly why she had married him and when she looked at him all she could see was a rank hypocrite although he had given up his property rights he continued living like a Lord and asking her for money for his habits he dressed like a peasant but if he fell he would travel to the south in a luxury private Railway coach to a villa in which he could convalesce and despite his

new vow of celibacy he kept making her pregnant Tolstoy craved a simple spiritual life and she was now the m M stumbling block to this he found her presence in the house oppressive he wrote her a letter in which he finished by saying you attribute what has happened to everything except the one thing that you are the unwitting unintentional cause of my sufferings a struggle to the death is going on between us out of his increasing bitterness at her materialistic ways he wrote The novella of the czer Sonata clearly based on their marriage and painting

her in the worst light for Sonia the effect of all this was was that she felt like she was losing her mind finally in 1894 she snapped imitating one of the characters in a Tolstoy story she decided to commit suicide by walking out into the snow and freezing herself to death a family member caught up with her and dragged her back to the house she repeated the attempt twice more with no better effect now the pattern became sharper and more Violet Tolstoy would push her buttons she would do something desperate Tolstoy would feel remorse for

his coldness and beg for her forgiveness he would give in her on some issues for instance allowing the family to retain the copyrights on his earlier books then some new behavior on her part would make him regret this she constantly tried to pit the children against him she had to read everything he wrote in his Diaries and if he hid them she would somehow find them and read them on the sly she watched his every move he would berate her wildly for her meddling sometimes falling ill in the process which made her regret her actions

what was holding them together each one craved the acceptance and love of the other but it seemed impossible to expect that anymore after years of suffering through this in late October of 1910 Tolstoy finally had had enough in the middle of the night he stole away from the house with a doctor friend accompanying him determined to finally leave Sonia he was trembling all the way and te ter of being surprised and overtaken by his wife but finally he boarded a train and got away from her when she got the news Sona attempted suicide yet again

throwing herself in the nearby Pond only to be rescued just in time she wrote Tolstoy a letter begging him to come back yes she would change her ways she would renounce all luxuries she would become spiritual she would love him unconditionally she could not live without him for Tolstoy his Taste of Freedom was shortlived the newspapers were now full of accounts of his running away from his wife everywhere the train stopped reporters devoted fans and the Curious mobbed him he could not take anym the packed in freezing conditions on the train soon he fell deathly

ill and had to be carried to a station Master's Cottage near the railway tracks and some out of thee way Village in bed it was clear now he was dying he heard that Sonia had arrived in town but could not bear the thought of seeing her now the family kept her outside where she continued to peer through the window at him as he Lay Dying finally when he was unconscious she was allowed in she knelt beside him kissed him continually on the forehead and whispered into his ear forgive me please forgive me he died shortly

thereafter a month later a visitor to the Tolstoy house reported the following words from what happened to me what came over me how could I have done it you know I killed him interpretation Leo Tolstoy displayed all of the signs of the deep narcissist his mother had died when he was two and left a giant hole in him that he could never fill although he tried to do so with his numerous Affairs he behaved recklessly in his youth as if this could somehow make him feel alive and whole he felt continually disgusted with himself self

and could not figure out who exactly he was he poured this uncertainty into his novels assuming different roles in the characters he created and by the age of 50 he finally fell into a deep crisis over his fragment itself Sonia herself rated high on the self-absorption scale but in looking at people we tend to overemphasize their individual traits and not look at the more complex picture of how each side in a relationship continually shapes the other a relationship has a life and personality all its own and a relationship can also be deeply narcissistic accentuating or

even bringing out the narcissistic Tendencies of both sides what generally makes a relationship narcissistic is the lack of empathy that makes the partners Retreat deeper and deeper into their own defensive positions in the case of the toll sto this started right away with the reading of his diary each side had their Divergent values through which they viewed the other T Sonia raised in a conventional household this was the act of a man who clearly regretted his marriage proposal to Tolstoy the icono clastic artist her reaction meant she was incapable of seeing into his soul of

trying to understand his desire for a new married life they each misunderstood the other and fell into hardened positions that lasted for 48 years tolstoy's spiritual crisis epitomized this narcissistic Dynamic if only in that moment they each could have attempted to see the action Through The Eyes of the other Tolstoy could have clearly foreseen her reaction she had lived her whole life in relative Comfort which had helped her manage the frequent pregnancies and upbringing of so many children she had never been deeply spiritual their connection had always been more physical why should he expect her

to suddenly change his demands were almost sadistic he could have simply explained his own side without demanding that she follow him even expressing his understanding of her own position and needs that would have revealed true spirituality on his part and she instead of focusing only on his hypocrisy could have seen a man who was clearly unhappy with himself someone who had never felt loved enough since early childhood and who was undergoing a very real personal crisis she could have offered her love and support for his new life while gently declining to follow him all the

way such use of empathy has the opposite effect of Mutual narcissism coming from one side it tends to soften the other one up and invite his or her empathy as well it is hard to stay in one's defensive position when the other person is seeing and expressing your side and entering your spirit it beckons you to do the same secretly people yearn to let go of their resistance it is exhausting to continually be so defensive and suspicious the key to employing empathy within a relationship is to understand the value system of the other person which

inevitably is different from yours what they interpret as signs of Love or attention or generosity tends to diverge from your way of thinking these value systems are largely formed in early childhood and are not consciously created by people keeping in mind their value system will allow you to enter their spirit and perspective precisely in the moment you would normally turn defensive even deep narcissists can be pulled out of their shell in this way because such attention is so rare measure all of your relationships on the narcissism Spectrum it is not one person or the other

but the dynamic itself that must be altered four the healthy narcissist the mood reader in October of 1915 the great English Explorer sir Ernest Henry Shackleton ordered the abandonment of the ship endurance which had been trapped in an ice flow in Antarctica for over 8 months and was beginning to take on water for Shackleton this meant he essentially had to give up on his great dream of leading his men on the first land crossing of the Antarctic continent this was to have been the culmination of his illustrious career as an Explorer but now a much

greater responsibility weighed on his mind to somehow get the 27 men of his crew safely back home their lives would depend on his daily decisions to realize this goal he faced many obstacles the harsh winter weather about to hit them the drifting currents that could pull the Ice Flow they were to camp on in any direction the coming days without any light the dwindling Food Supplies the lack of any radio contact or ship to transport them but the greatest danger of all the one that filled him with the most dread was the morale of the

men all it would take was a few malc contents to spread resentment and negativity soon the men would not work as hard they would tune him out and lose faith in his leadership once that happened it could be every man for himself and in this climate that could easily spell disaster and death he would have to monitor their group Spirit even more closely than the changing weather the first thing he had to do was get out ahead of the problem and infect the crew with the proper Spirit It All Started From The Leader he would

have to hide all of his own doubts and fears the first morning on the ice flow he got up earlier than anyone and prepared an extra- llarge helping of hot tea as he personally served it to the men he sensed they were looking to him for cues on how to feel about their plight so he kept the mood light mixing in some humor about their new home and the coming Darkness it was not the right time to discuss his ideas for getting out of this mess that would make them too anxious he would not verbalize

his optimism about their chances but would let the men feel it in his Manner and Body Language even if he had to fake it they all knew they were trapped there for the coming winter what they needed was distractions something to occupy their minds and keep their spirits up for that purpose every day he drew up a duty roster outlining who would be doing what he tried to mix it up as much as possible Shifting the men around in various groups and making sure they never did the same task too often for each day there

was a simple goal to accomplish some penguins per seals to hunt some more stores from the ship to bring to the tents the construction of a better campground at the end of the day they could sit around the campfire feeling they had done something to make their lives a little easier as the days wore on he developed an increasingly sharp Attunement to the men's shifting moods around the campfire he would walk up to each man and engage him in a conversation with the scientists he talked science with the more aesthetic types he talked of his

favorite poets and composers he got into their particular spirit and was especially attentive to any problems they were experiencing the cook seemed particularly aggrieved that he would have to kill this pet cat they were out of food to feed it Shackleton volunteered to do it for him it was clear that the physicist on board was having a difficult time with the hard labor at night he ate slowly and sighed wearily when Shackleton talked to him he could feel that his Spirit was lowering by the day without making him feel like he was shirking Shackleton changed

the roster around to give him lighter but equally important tasks he quickly recognized a few weak links in the group first there was Frank Hurley the ship's photographer he was good at his job and never complained about doing other chores but he was a man who needed to feel important he had a snobbish bent so on those first days on the ice Shackleton made a point of asking Hurley for his opinion on all significant matters such as food stores and complimenting him on his ideas furthermore he assigned Hurley to his own tent which both made

Hurley feel more important than the others and made it easier for Shackleton to keep an eye on him the Navigator Hubert Hut son revealed himself to be very self-centered and a terrible listener he needed constant attention Shackleton talked with him more than with any of the others and also brought him into his tent if there were other men he suspected of being latent malc contents he spread them around in different tents diluting their possible influence as the winter wore on he doubled his attentiveness at certain moments he could feel the boredom of the men and

How They Carried themselves and how they talked less and less to one another to combat this he organized sporting events on the ice during the sunless days and entertainments at night music practical jokes storytelling every holiday was carefully observed with a large Feast set out for the men the endless days of drifting somehow were filled with highlights and soon he began to notice something remarkable the men were decidedly cheery and even seemed to be enjoying the challenges of life on a drifting Ice Flow at one point point the flo they were on had become dangerously

small and so he ordered the men into the three small lifeboats they had salvaged from the endurance they needed to head for land he kept the boats together and braving the Rough Waters they managed to land on the nearby Elephant Island on a narrow patch of beach as he surveyed the island that day it was clear the conditions on it were in some ways worse than the Ice Flow time was against them that same day Shackleton ordered one to be prepared for an extremely risky attempt to reach the most accessible and inhabited patch of land

in the area South Georgia Island some 800 mil to the Northeast the chances of making it were slim but the men could not survive long on Elephant Island with its exposure to the Sea and theity of animals to kill Shackleton had to choose carefully the five other men besides himself for this Voyage one man he selected Harry mcnish was a very odd choice he was the ship's Carpenter and the oldest member of the crew at 57 he could be grumpy and did not take well to hard labor even though it would be an extremely rough

journey in their small boat Shackleton was too afraid to leave him behind he put him in charge of fitting out the boat for the trip with this task he would feel personally responsible for the boat's safety and on the journey his mind would be continually occupied with keeping track of the boat seaworthiness at one point during the Voyage he noticed magnesia Spirit sinking and suddenly the man stopped rowing Shackleton sensed the danger here if he yelled at mcnish or ordered him to row he would probably become even more rebellious and with so few men crowded

together for so many weeks with so little food this could turn ugly improvising in the moment he stopped the boat and ordered the boiling of hot milk for everyone he said they were all getting tired including himself and they needed their spirits lifted mcnish was spared the embarrassment of being singled out and for the rest of Journey Shackleton repeated this Ploy as often as necessary a few miles from the destination a sudden storm pushed them back as they desperately looked for a new approach to the island a small bird kept hovering over them trying to

land on their boat Shackleton struggled to maintain his usual composure but suddenly he lost it standing and Swinging wildly at the bird while swearing almost immediately he he felt embarrassed and sat back down for 15 months he had kept all of his frustrations in check for the sake of the men and to maintain morale he had set the tone now was not the time to go back on this minutes later he made a joke at his own expense and vowed to himself never to repeat such a display no matter the pressure after a journey over

some of the worst ocean conditions in the world the tiny boat finally managed to land at South Georgia Island and several months later with the help of the Whalers who worked there all of the remaining men on Elephant Island were rescued considering the odds against them the climate The Impossible terrain the tiny boats and their meager resources it was one of the most remarkable survival stories in history slowly word spread of the role that shackleton's leadership had played in this as the Explorer Sir Edmund Hillary later summed it up for scientific leadership give me Scott

for Swift efficient travel amonson but when you are in a hopeless situation when there seems No Way Out get down on your knees and pray for Shackleton down on your knees and pray for Shackleton come on your knees and pray for Shackleton come on your knees and pray for Shackleton come on your knees and pray for Shackleton come on your knees and pray interpretation when Shackleton found himself responsible for the lives of so many men in such desperate circumstances he understood what would spell the difference between life or or death the men's attitude this is

not something visible it is rarely discussed or analyzed in books there are no training manuals on the subject and yet it was the most important factor of all a slight dip in their Spirit some cracks in their unity and it would become too difficult to make the right decisions under such duress one attempt at getting free of the flow taken out of the impatience and pressure from a few would certainly lead to death and Essence Shackleton was thrown back into the most Elemental and Primal condition of the human animal a group in danger dependent on

one another for survival it was in just such circumstances that our most distant ancestors evolved Superior social skills The Uncanny human ability to read the moods and minds of others and to cooperate and in the sunless months on the ice flow Shackleton himself would ReDiscover these ancient empathic skills that lie dormant in us all because he had to how Shackleton went about this task should serve as the model for all of us first he understood the primary role that his own attitude would play in this the leader infects the group with his mindset much of

this occurs on the non-verbal level as people pick up on the leader's body language and tone of voice Shackleton imbued himself with an air of complete confidence and optimism and watched how this infected the men's Spirit second he had to divide his attention almost equally between between individuals and the group with the group he monitored levels of chattiness at meal times the amount of swearing he heard during work how quickly the mood elevated when some entertainment had begun with individuals he read their emotional states in their tone of voice how quickly they ate their food

how slowly they rose out of bed if he noticed a particular mood of theirs that day he would try to anticipate what they might do by putting himself in a similar mood he looked for any signs of frustration or insecurity in their words and gestures he had to treat each person differently depending on his particular psychology he also had to constantly adjust his readings as people's moods shifted quickly third in detecting any dips in spirit or negativity he had to be gentle scolding would only make people feel ashamed and singled out which would lead to

contagious effects down the road better to engage them in talk to enter their spirit and to find indirect ways to either Elevate their mood or isolate them without making them realize what he was doing as Shackleton practiced this he noticed how much better he became at it in one quick glance in the morning he could almost anticipate how the men would act during the entire day some fellow crew members thought he was psychic understand what makes us develop these empathic Powers is necessity if we feel our survival depends on how well we gauge the moods

and minds of others then we will find the requis it focus and tap into the powers normally we do not feel the need for this we imagine that we understand quite well the people we deal with life can be harsh and we have too many other tasks to attend to we are lazy and prefer to relying upon predigested judgments but in fact it is a matter of life and death and our success does depend on the development of these skills we simply are not aware of this because we do not see the connection between problems

in our Liv lives and our constant misreading of people's moods and intentions and the endless missed opportunities that acre from this the first step then is the most important to realize you have a remarkable social tool that you are not cultivating the best way to see this is to try it out stop your incessant interior monologue and pay deeper attention to people attune yourself to the shifting moods of individuals and the group get a read on each person's particular psychology and what most motivates them try to take their perspective into their world and value system

you will suddenly become aware of an entire world of non-verbal Behavior you never knew existed as if your eyes could now suddenly see ultraviolet light once you sense this power you will feel its importance and awaken to new social possibilities I do not ask the wounded person how he feels I myself become the wounded person Walt Whitman 3 see through people's masks the La of role playing people tend to wear the mask that shows them off in the best possible light humble confident diligent they say the right things smile and seem interested in our ideas

they learn to conceal their insecurities and envy if we take this appearance for reality we never really know their true feelings and on occasion we are blindsided by their sudden resistance hostility and manipulative actions fortunately the mask has cracks in it people continue continually leak out their true feelings and unconscious Desires in the non-verbal cues they cannot completely control facial expressions vocal inflections tension in the body and nervous gestures you must Master this language by transforming yourself into a superior reader of men and women armed with this knowledge you can take the proper defensive measures

on the other hand since appearances are what people judge you by you must learn how to present the best front and play your role to maximum effect the second language one morning in August 1919 17-year-old Milton Ericson future Pioneer in hypnotherapy and one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century awoke to discover parts of his body suddenly paralyzed over the next few days the paralysis spread he was soon diagnosed with polio a near epidemic at the time as he lay in bed he heard his mother in another room discussing his case with two

Specialists the family had called in assuming Ericson was asleep one of the doctors told her the boy will be dead by morning his mother came into his room clearly trying to disguise her grief unaware that her son had overhead the conversation Ericson kept asking her to move the chest of drawers near his bed over here over there she thought he was delusional but he had his reasons he wanted to distract her from her anguish and he wanted the mirror on the chest position just right if he began to lose Consciousness he could focus on the

sunset in the reflected mirror holding on to this image as long as he could the sun always returned maybe he would as well proving the doctor's wrong within hours he fell into a coma Erikson regained Consciousness 3 Days Later somehow he had cheated death but now the paralysis had spread to his entire body even his lips were paralyzed he could not move or gesture nor communicate to others in any way the only body parts he could move were his eyeballs allowing him to scin the narrow space of his room quarantined in the house on the

farm in Royal Wisconson where he grew up his only company was his Seven Sisters his one brother his parents and a private nurse for someone with such an active mind the boredom was excruciating but one day as he listened to his sisters talking among themselves he became aware of something he had never noticed before as they talked their faces made all kinds of movements and the tone of their voices seemed to have a life of its own one sister said to another yes that's a good idea but she said this in a monotone and with

a noticeable smirk all of which seemed to say I actually don't think it's a good idea at all somehow a yes could really mean no now he paid attention to this it was a stimulating game in the course of the next day he counted 16 different forms of no that he heard indicating various degrees of hardness all accompanied by different facial expressions at one point he noticed one sister saying yes to something while actually shaking her head no it was very subtle but he saw it if people said yes but really felt no it appeared

to show up in a gaces and body language on another occasion he watched closely from the corner of his eye as one sister offered another an apple but the tension in her face and tightness in her arms indicated she was just being polite and clearly wanted to keep it for herself self this signal was not picked up and yet it seemed so clear to him unable to participate in conversations he found his mind completely absorbed in observing people's hand gestures their raised eyebrows the pitch of their voices and the sudden folding of their arms he

noticed for instance how often the veins in his sister's necks would begin to pulsate when they stood over him indicating the nervousness they felt in his presence their breathing patterns as they spoke fascinated him and he discovered that certain rhythms indicated boredom and were generally followed by a yawn hair seemed to play an important role with his sisters a very deliberate brushing back of strands of hair would indicate impatience I've heard enough now please shut up but a quicker more unconscious stroke could indicate wrapped attention trapped in bed his hearing became more acute he could

now pick up conversations in the other room where people were not trying to put on a pleasant show in front of him and soon he noticed a peculiar pattern and a conversation people were rarely direct a sister could spend minutes beating around the bush leaving hints to others about what she really wanted such as to borrow an article of clothing or hear an apology from someone her hidden desire was clearly indicated by her tone of voice which gave emphasis to certain words her hope was that the others would pick this up and offer what she

desired but often the hints were ignored and she would be forced to come out and say what she wanted wanted conversation after conversation fell into this recurring pattern soon it became a game for him to guess within as few seconds as possible what the sister was hinting at it was as if in his paralysis he had suddenly become aware of a second channel of human communication a second language in which people expressed something from deep within themselves sometimes without being aware of it what would happen if he could somehow Master the intricacies of this language

how would it alter his perception of people could he extend his reading powers to the nearly invisible gestures people made with their lips their breath the level of tension in their hands one day several months later as he sat near a window in a special reclining chair his family had designed for him he listened to his brother and sisters playing outside he wanted so desperately to join them as if momentarily forgetting his paralysis in his mind he began to stand up and for a brief second he experienced the twitching of a muscle in his leg

the first time he had felt any movement in his body at all the doctors had told his mother he would never walk again but they had been wrong before based on this simple twitch he decided to try an experiment he would focus deeply on a particular muscle in his leg remembering the sensation he had before his paralysis wanting badly to move it and imagining it functioning again his nurse would massage that area and slowly with intermittent success he would feel a twitch and then the slightest bit of movement returning to the muscle through this excruciatingly

slow process he taught himself to stand then take a few steps then walk around his room then walk outside increasing the distances somehow by drawing upon his willpower and Imagination he was able to alter his physical condition and regain complete movement clearly he realized the mind and the body operate together in ways we are hardly aware of wanting to explore this further he decided to pursue a career in medicine and psychology and in the late 1920s he began to practice psychiatry in various hospitals quickly he developed a method that was completely his own and diametrically

opposed to others trained in the field almost all practicing psychiatrists focused largely on words they would get patients to talk particularly going over their Early Childhood in this way they hope to gain access to their patients unconscious Ericson instead focused mostly on people's physical presence as an entry into their mental life and unconscious words are often used as a coverup a way to conceal what is really going on making his patients completely comfortable he would detect signs of hidden tension and unmet desires that came through in their face voice and posture as he did this

he explored in Greater depth the world of non-verbal communication his motto was observe observe observe for this purpose he kept a notebook writing down all of his observations one element that particularly fascinated him was the walking styles of people perhaps a reflection of his own difficulties in relearning how to use his legs he would watch people walking in every part of the city he paid attention to the heaviness of the step there was the emphatic walk of those who were persistent and full of resolve the light step of those who seemed more indecisive the loping

fluid walk of those who seemed rather lazy the Meandering walk of the person lost in thought he observed closely the extra swing of the hips or the strut that seemed to elevate the head indicating high levels of confidence in a person there was the walk that people put on to cover up some weakness or insecurity the exaggerated masculine stride the nonchalant Shuffle of the rebellious teenager he took note of the sudden changes in people's walk as they became excited or nervous all of this supplied him endless information about people moods and self-confidence in his office

he placed his desk at the far end of the room making his patients walk toward him he would notice changes in the walk from before to after the session he would scrutinize their way of sitting down the level of tension in their hands as they grasped the arms of the chair the degree to which they would face him as they talked and in a matter of a few seconds without words being exchanged he had a profound red on their insecurities and rigidities as mapped clearly in their bodies language at one point in his career Erikson

worked an award for the mentally Disturbed in one instance the psychologists there were perplexed by the case of a particular patient a former businessman who had made a fortune and then lost everything because of the depression all the man could do was cry and continually move his hands back and forth straight out from his chest nobody could figure out the source of this tick or how to help him getting him to talk was not easy and it led nowhere to Erikson however the moment he saw the man he understood the nature of the problem through

this gesture he was literally expressing the feudal efforts in his life to get ahead and the despair this had brought him Erikson went up to him and said your life has had many ups and downs and as he did so he shifted the motion of the arms to up and down the man seemed interested in this new motion and it now became his tick working with an occupational therapist on site Erikson placed blocks of sandpaper in of the man's hands and put a rough piece of Lumber in front of him soon The Man became enthralled

with the sanding of the wood and the smell of it as he polished it he stopped crying and took woodworking classes carving elaborate chest sets and selling them by focusing exclusively on his body language and altering his physical motion Ericson could alter the locked position of his mind and cure him one category that fascinated him was the difference in non-verbal communication between men and women and how this reflected a different way of thinking he was particularly sensitive to the mannerisms of women perhaps a reflection of the months he had spent closely observing his sisters he

could dissect every Nuance of their body language one time a beautiful young woman came to see him saying she had seen various psychiatrists but none of them were quite right could Erikson possibly be the right one as she talked some more never discussing the nature of her problem ericon watched her pick some lent offer sleeve he listened and nodded then posed some rather uninteresting questions suddenly out of the blue he said in a very confident tone that he was the right in fact the only psychiatrist for her taken aback by his conceited attitude she asked

him why he felt that way he said he needed to ask her one more question in order to prove it how long he asked have you been wearing women's clothes how did you know the man asked in astonishment Erikson explained that he had noticed the way he had picked off the lent without making a naturally wide detour around the breast area he had seen that motion too many times to be fooled by anything else in addition his assertive way of discussing his need to test Ericson first all expressed in a very staccato vocal Rhythm was

decidedly masculine all of the other psychiatrists had been taken in by the young man's extremely feminine appearance and the voice he had worked on so carefully but the body does not lie on another occasion Ericson entered his office to see a new female patient waiting for him she explained that she had sought him out because she had a phobia of flying Erikson interrupted her without explaining why he asked her to leave the office and re-enter she seemed annoyed but complied and he studied her walk closely as well as her posture as she settled into the

chair he then asked her to explain her problem my husband is taking me abroad in September and I have a deathly fear of being on an airplane Madam Erikson said when a patient comes to a psychiatrist there can be no withholding of information I know something about you I am going to ask you an unpleasant question does your husband know about your love affair no she said with astonishment but how did you your body language told me he explained how her legs were crossed in a very tight position with one foot completely stepped around the

ankle in his experience every married woman having an affair locks her body up in a similar way and she had clearly said abroad instead of abroad in a hesitant tone as if she were ashamed of herself and her walk indicated a woman who felt trapped in complicated relationships in subsequent sessions she brought in her lover who was also married Ericson asked to see the wife of the lover and when she came she sat in the exact same locked position with the foot under the ankle so you're having an affair he told her yes did my

husband tell you no I got it from your body language now I know why your husband suffers from chronic headaches soon he was treating them all and helping them out of their locked and painful positions over the years his observation Powers extended to elements of non-verbal communication that were nearly imperceptible he could determine people's states of Mind by their breathing patterns and by mirroring these patterns himself he could lead the patient into a hypnotic trance and create a feeling of deep Rapport he could read subliminal and subvocal speech as people would mouth a word or

name in a barely visible manner this was how fortune tellers psychics and some magicians would make a living he could tell when his secretary was menstruating by the heaviness of her typing he could guess the career backgrounds of people by the quality of their hands the heaviness of their step the way they tilted their head heads and their vocal inflections to patients and Friends it seemed as if Ericson possessed psychic powers but they were simply unaware of how long and hard he had studied this gaining Mastery of the second language interpretation for Milton Ericson his

sudden paralysis opened his eyes to not only a different form of communication but also a completely different way of relating to people when he listened to his sisters and picked up new information from their faces and voices he not only registered the with his senses but also felt himself experiencing some of what was going on in their minds he had to imagine why they said yes but really meant no and in doing so he had to momentarily feel some of their contrary desires he had to see the tension in their next and register it physically

as tension within himself to understand why they were suddenly uncomfortable in his presence what he discovered is that non-verbal communication cannot be experienced simply through thinking and translating thoughts into words but must be felt physically as one engages with the facial expressions or locked positions of other people it is a different form of knowledge one that connects with the animal part of our nature and involves our mirror neurons to master this language he had to relax and control the continual need to interpret with words or categorize what he was seeing he had to Tamp down

his ego thinking less of what he wanted to say and instead directing his attention outward into the other person attuning himself to their changing moods as reflected in their body language as he discovered such attention changed him it made him more alive to the science people continually Emit and transformed him into a superior social actor capable of connecting to others inner lives and developing greater report as Ericson progressed in this self- transformation he noticed that most people go in the opposite direction becoming more self-absorbed and unobservant with each passing year he liked to accumulate anecdotes

from his work that demonstrated this for instance he once asked a group of interns in the hospital where he worked to silently observe an elderly woman lying under the covers in a hospital bed until they saw something that would indicate a possible diagnosis for her beden condition they watched her for 3 hours to no avail none of them taking notice of the obvious fact that both her legs had been amputated or there were the people who attended his public lectures many of them would ask why he never used that Strang looking pointer he carried in

his hand as part of his presentation they had failed to observe his rather noticeable LMP and need for King as Ericson saw it the harshness of life makes most people turn inward they have no mental space left over for simple observations and the second language largely passes them by understand we are the preeminent social animal on the planet depending on our ability to communicate with others for our survival and success it is estimated that over 65% of all human communication is non-verbal but that people pick up and internalize only about 5% of this information instead

almost all of our social attention is absorbed by what people say which more often than not actually serves to conceal what they are really thinking and feeling non-verbal cues tell us what people are trying to emphasize with their words and the subtext of their message the nuances of communication these cues tell us what they are actively hiding their real desires they reflect in an immediate way people's emotions and moods to miss this information is to operate blindly to invite misunderstanding and to lose endless opportunities to Influence People by not noticing the signs of what they

really want or need your task is simple first you must recognize your state of self-absorption and how little you actually observe with this understanding you will be motivated to develop observation skills second you must understand as Ericson did the different nature of this form of communication it requires opening up your senses and relating to people more on the physical level absorbing their physical energy and not just their words you do not simply observe their facial expression but you register it from within so that the impression stays with you and communicates as you gain greater vocabulary

in this language you will be able to correlate a gesture with a possible emotion as your sensitiv increases you will begin to notice more and more of what you have been missing and equally important you will discover a new and deeper way of relating to people with the increased social Powers this will bring you you will always be the prey or the play thing of the devils and fools in this world if you expect to see them going about with horns or jangling their bells and it should be borne in mind that in their intercourse

with others people are like the own they show you only one of their sides every man has an innate talent for making a mask out of his physiognomy so that he can always look as if he really were what he pretends to be and its effect is extremely deceptive he Dawn his mask whenever his object is to flatter himself into someone's good opinion and you may pay just as much attention to it as if it were made of wax or cardboard Arthur schopenhauer keys to human nature we humans are consumate actors we learn at an

early age how to get what we want from our parents by putting on certain looks that will elicit sympathy or affection we learn how to conceal from our parents or siblings exactly what we're thinking or feeling to protect ourselves in vulnerable moments we become good at flattering Those whom it is important to win over popular peers or teachers we learn how to fit into the group by wearing the same clothes and speaking the same language as we get older and strive to carve out a career we learn how to create the proper front in order

to be hired and to fit into into a group Culture if we become an executive or a professor or a bartender we must act AP part imagine a person who never develops these acting skills whose face instantly gases when he dislikes what you say or cannot suppress a yawn when you fail to entertain him who always speaks his mind who completely goes his own way in his ideas and style who acts the same whether he's talking to his boss or to a child and you have imagined a person who would be shunned ridiculed and despised

we are all such good actors that we're not even aware of this as it happens we imagine we are almost always being sincere in our social encounters which any good actor will tell you is the secret behind really believable acting we take these skills for granted but to see them in action try to look at yourself as you interact with different members of your family and with your boss and colleagues at work you will see yourself suddenly changing what you say your tone of voice your mannerisms your whole body language to suit each individual and

situation for people you were trying to impress you were a much different face than with those with whom you are familiar and can let down your guard you do this almost without thinking over the centuries various writers and thinkers looking at humans from an outside perspective have been struck by the theatrical quality of social life the most famous quote expressing this comes from Shakespeare all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts if the theater and

actors were traditionally represented by the image of masks writers such as Shakespeare are implying that all of us are constantly wearing masks some people are better actors than others villainous types such as Yago and the play of fellow are able to conceal their hostile intentions behind a friendly benign smile others are able to act with more confidence and bravado they often become leaders people with consummate acting skills can better navigate our complex social environments and get ahead although we are all expert actors at the same time we secretly experience this need to act and play

a part as a burden we are the most successful social animal on the planet for hundreds of thousands of years our hunter gatherer ancestors could survive only by constantly communicating with one another through non-verbal cues developed over so much time before the invention of language that is how the human face became so expressive and gestures so elaborate this is breed deep within us we have a continual desire to communicate our feelings and yet at the same time the need to conceal them for proper social functioning with these counterforces battling inside us we cannot completely control

what we communicate our real feelings continually leak out in the form of gestures tones of voice facial expressions and postur we are not trained however to pay attention to people's non-verbal cues by sheer habit we fixate on the words people say while also thinking about what we'll say next what this means is that we are using only a small percentage of the potential social skills we all possess imagine for instance conversations with people you've recently met by paying extra close attention to the non-verbal cues they emit you can pick up their moods and mirror these

moods back back to them getting them to unconsciously relax in your presence as the conversation progresses you can pick up signs that they are responding to your gestures and mirroring which gives you license to go further and deepen the spell in this way you can build up Rapport and win over a valuable Ally conversely imagine people who almost immediately reveal signs of hostility toward you you are able to see through their fake tight smiles to pick up the flashes of irritation that cross their face face and the signs of subtle discomfort in your presence registering

all this as it happens you can then politely disengage from the interaction and remain wary of them looking for further signs of hostile intentions you have probably saved yourself from an unnecessary battle or an ugly Act of sabotage your task as a student of human nature is twofold first you must understand and accept the theatrical quality of life you do not moralize and rail against the role playing and the wearing of masks so essential to smooth social functioning in fact your goal is to Play Your Part on the stage of life with consummate skill attracting

attention dominating the Limelight and making yourself into a sympathetic hero or heroine second you must not be naive and mistake people's appearances for reality you are not blinded by people's acting skills you transform yourself into a master decoder of their true feelings working on your observation skills and practic practicing them as much as you can in daily life and so for these purposes there are three aspects to this particular law understanding how to observe people learning some basic keys for decoding non-verbal communication and mastering the art of what is known as impression management playing your

role to maximum effect observational skills when we were children we were almost all great observers of people because we were small and weak our survival depended on decoding people's smiles and tones of voice we were often struck by The Peculiar walking styles of adults their exaggerated smiles and affected mannerisms we would imitate them for fun we could sense that an individual was threatening from something in his or her body language this is why children are the bane of inveterate Liars con artists magicians and people who pretend to be something they are not children quickly see

through their front slowly from the age of five onward this sensitivity is lost as we start to turn inward and become more concerned with how others see us you must realize that it is not a matter of acquiring skills you do not possess but rather of rediscovering those you once had in your earliest years this means slowly reversing the process of self-absorption and regaining that outward directed View and curiosity you had as a child as with any skill this will require patience what you are doing is slowly rewiring your brain through practice mapping new neuronal

connections you do not want to overload yourself in the beginning with too much information you need to take baby steps to see small but Daily Progress in a casual conversation with someone give yourself the goal of observing one or two facial expressions that seem to go against what the person is saying or indicate some additional information be attentive to micro Expressions quick flashes on the face of tension or forced Smiles once you succeed in this simple exercise with one person try it with someone else always focusing on the face once you find it easier to

notice cues from the face attempt to make a similar observation about an individual's voice noting any changes in pitch or the pace of talking the voice says a lot about people's level of confidence and their contentment later on graduate to elements of body language such as posture hand gestures positioning of legs keep these exercises simple having simple goals write down any observations particularly any patterns you notice as you practice these exercises you must be relaxed and open to what you see not champing at the bit to interpret your observations with words you must be engaged

in the conversation while talking less and trying to get them to talk more try to mirror them making comments that play off something they have said and reveal you are listening to them this will have the effect of making them relax and want to talk more which will make them leak out more non-verbal cues but your observing of people must never be obvious feeling scrutinized people will freeze up and try to control their expressions too much direct eye contact will betray you you must appear natural and attentive using only quick peripheral glances to notice any

changes in the face Voice or body in observing any particular individual over time you need to establish their Baseline expression and mood some people are naturally quiet and reserved their facial expression revealing this some are more animated and energetic while still others continually wear an anxious look aware of a person's usual demeanor you can pay greater attention to any deviations for instance sudden animation in someone who is generally reserved or a relaxed look from the habitually nervous once you know a person's Baseline it will be much easier to see signs of dissimulation or distress in

them the ancient Roman markk Anthony was naturally a jovial person always smiling laughing and poking fun at people it was when he suddenly turned silent and Sullen in their meetings after the assassination of Julius Caesar that Antony's rival Octavius understood that Anthony was up to something and had hostile intentions related to the Baseline expression tried to observe the same person in different settings noticing how the non-verbal cues change if they are talking to a spouse a boss an empy employee for another exercise observe people who are about to do something exciting a trip to some

alluring place a date with someone they've been pursuing or any event for which they have high expectations note the looks of anticipation how the eyes open wider and stay there the face flushed and generally animated a slight smile on the lips as they think of what's about to come contrast this with attention exhibited by a person about to take a test or go on a job interview you are increasing ing your vocabulary when it comes to correlating emotions and facial expressions pay great attention to any mixed signals you pick up a person professes to love

your idea but their face shows tension and their tone of voice is strained or they congratulate you on your promotion but the smile is forced and the expression seems sad such mixed signals are very common they can also involve different parts of the body in the novel The ambassadors by Henry James the narrator notices that a woman who has visited him Smiles at him during most of the conversation but holds her parasol with a great deal of tension only by noticing this can he sense her real mood discomfort with mixed signals you need to be

aware that a greater part of non-verbal communication involves the leakage of negative emotions and you need to give greater weight to the negative Q as indicative of the person's true feelings at some point you can then ask yourself why they might feel sadness or antipathy to take your your practice further try a different exercise sit in a cafe or some public space and without the burden of having to be involved in a conversation observe the people around you listen in on their conversations for vocal cues take note of walking Styles and overall body language if

possible take notes as you get better at this you can try to guess people's profession by the cues you pick up or something about their personality from their body language it should be a pleasurable game as you progress you will be able to split your attention more easily listening attentively to what people have to say but also taking careful note of non-verbal cues you will also become aware of signals you had not noticed before continually expanding your vocabulary remember that everything people do is a sign of some sort there is no such thing as a

gesture that does not communicate you will pay attention to people's silences the clothes they wear the the arrangement of objects on their desk their breathing patterns the tension in certain muscles the subtext in their conversations what is not said or what is implied all of these discoveries should excite and impel you to go further in practicing this skill you must be aware of some common errors you can fall into words Express direct information we can argue about what people mean when they say something but the interpretations are fairly limited non-verbal cues are much more ambiguous

and indirect there is no dictionary to tell you what this or that means it depends on the individual and the context if you are not careful you will glan signs but quickly interpret them to fit your own emotional biases about people which will make your observations not only useless but also dangerous if you are observing someone you naturally dislike or who reminds you of someone unpleasant in your past you will tend to see almost any cue as unfriendly or hostile you will do the opposite for people you like in these exercises you must strive to

subtract your personal preferences and prejudices about people related to this is what is known as a fellow's error in the play athow by Shakespeare the main character AOW assumes that his wife Desdemona is guilty of adultery based on her nervous response when questioned about some evidence in truth Des Demona is Innocent but the aggressive paranoid nature of a fellow and his intimidating questions make her nervous which he interprets as a sign of guilt what happens in such cases is that we pick up certain emotional cues from the other person nervousness for instance and we assume

they come from a certain Source we rest to the first explanation that fits what we want to see but the nervousness could have several explanations could be a temporary reaction to our questioning or the overall circumstances the error is not in the observing but in the decoding in 1894 Alfred drus a French military officer was wrongly arrested for passing along secrets to the Germans dfus was a Jew and many French at the time had anti-semitic feelings when first appearing before the public for questioning dfus answered in a calm efficient tone that was part of his

training as a bureaucrat and was also a result of his trying to contain his nervousness most of the public assumed that an innocent man would protest loudly his demeanor was seen as a sign of his guilt keep in mind that people from different cultures will consider different forms of behavior acceptable these are known as display rules In some cultures people are conditioned to smile less or touch more or their language involves greater emphasis on vocal pitch always consider the cultural background of people and interpret their cues accordingly as part of your practice try to observe

yourself as well notice how often and when you tend to put on a fake smile or how your body registers nervousness in your voice the drumming of your fingers the twiddling with your hair the quivering of your lips and so on becoming acutely aware of your own non-verbal Behavior will make you more sensitive and alert to the signals of others you will be better able to imagine the emotions that go with the queue and you will also gain greater control of your non-verbal Behavior something very valuable for playing the right social role finally in developing

these observational skills you will notice a physical change in yourself and in your relation to people you will become increasingly sensitive to people's shifting moods and even anticipate them as you feel inside something of what they're feeling taken far enough such powers can make you seem almost psychic as they did with Milton Ericson decoding Keys remember that people are generally trying to present the best possible front to the world this means concealing their possible antagonist istic feelings their desires for power or superiority their attempts at ingratiation and their insecurities they will use words to hide

their feelings and distract you from the reality playing on people's verbal fixation they will also use certain facial expressions that are easy to put on and that people assume mean friendliness your task is to look past the distractions and become aware of those signs that leak out automatically revealing something of the true emotion beneath the mask the three categories of the most important cues to observe and identify are dislike like dominant submission and deception dislike like cues imagine the following scenario someone in a group dislikes you whether out of Envy or mistrust but in the

group environment they cannot express this overly or they will look bad not a team player and so they smile at you engage you in conversation and even seen to support your ideas at times you might feel something is not quite right right but the signs are subtle and you forget them as you pay attention to the front they present then suddenly as if out of the blue they obstruct you or display an ugly attitude The Mask has come off the price you pay is not only difficulties in your work or personal life but also the

emotional toll which can have a lingering effect understand people's hostile or resistant actions never come out of the blue there are always signs before they take any action it is too much of a strain for them to completely suppress such strong emotions the problem is not only that we are not paying attention but also that we inherently do not like the thought of conflict or disagreement we prefer to avoid thinking about it and to assume that people are on our side or at least neutral most often we feel something is not quite right with the

other person but ignore the feeling we must learn to trust such intuitive responses and to look for those signs that should trigger a Clos closer examination of the evidence people give out clear indications in their body language of active dislike or hostility these include the sudden squinting of the eyes at something you have said the glare the pursing of the lips until they nearly disappear the stiff neck the Torso or feet that turn away from you while you are still engaged in a conversation the folding of the arms as you try to make a point

and an overall tenseness in the body the problem is that you will not usually see such signs unless a person's displeasure has become too strong to conceal at all instead you must train yourself to look for the micro expressions and the other more subtle signs that people give out the microexpression is a recent discovery among psychologists who have been able to document its existence through film it lasts less than a second there are two varieties of this the first comes when people are aware of a negative feeling and try to suppress it but it leaks

out in a fraction of a second the other comes when we are unaware of their hostility and yet it shows itself in quick flashes on the face or in the body these Expressions will be a momentary glare tensing of the facial muscles pursing of the lips the beginnings of a frown or sneer or look of contempt with the eyes looking down aware of this phenomenon we can look for these Expressions you will be surprised at how often they occur because it is nearly impossible to completely control the facial muscles and repress the signs in time

you must be relaxed and attentive not obviously looking for them but catching them out of the corner of your eye once you begin to notice such Expressions you will find it easier to catch them you will find it easier to catch them you will find it easier to catch them you will find it easier to catch them you will find it easier to catch them you will find it equally eloquent are those signs that are subtle but can last for several seconds revealing in tension and coldness for instance when you first approach someone who Harbors

negative thoughts towards you if you surprise them by coming up on them from an angle you will clearly see signs of displeasure at your approach before they have had time to fit on their affable mask they are not so happy to see you and it shows for a second or two or you are expressing a strong opinion and their eyes begin to roll which they try to quickly cover up with a smile sudden silence can say a lot you have said something that triggers a twinge of Envy or dislike and they cannot help but lapse

into silence and brood they may try to hide this with a smile as they inwardly fume as opposed to simple shyness or having nothing to say you will detect definite signs of irritation in this case it is best to notice this a few times before coming to any conclusions people will often give themselves away with a mixed signal a positive comment to distract you but some clearly negative body language this offers them relief from the tension of always having to be pleasant they are betting on the fact that you will tend to focus on the

words and gloss over the Grimace or lopsided smile pay attention as well to the opposite configuration someone says something sarcastic and pointed directed at you but they do this with a smile and a jokey tone of voice as if to Signal it is all in good humor it would be impolite to not take it in this vein but in fact particularly if this occurs a few times you should pay attention to the words and not the body language it is their repressed way of expressing their hostility take notice of people who praise or flatter you

without their eyes lighting up this could be a sign of hidden Envy in the novel The Charter House of Parma by stendall count mosa receives an anonymous letter designed to stir up jealous feelings about his mistress whom he is desperately in love with in thinking over who could have sent it he recalls a conversation earlier that day with the prince of Parma the prince was talking about how the pleasures of power pale in comparison with the pleasures afforded by love and as he said this the count detected a particularly malicious glint in his eye accompanied

by an ambiguous smile the words were about love and general but the look was directed at him from that he correctly deduces that the prince had sent the letter he could not completely contain his venomous Glee at what he had done and it had leaked out this is a variation on the mixed signal people say something relatively strong about a general topic but with subtle looks they Point At You an excellent gauge for decoding antagonism is to compare people's body language toward you and toward others you might detect that they are noticeably friendlier and warmer

toward other people and then put on a polite mask with you in a conversation they cannot help showing brief flashes of impatience and irritation in their eyes but only when you talk also keep in mind that people will tend to leak out more of their true feelings and certainly hostile ones when they are drunk sleepy frustrated angry or under stress they will later tend to excuse this as if they weren't themselves for the moment but in fact they were actually being more themselves than ever and looking for these signs one of the best methods is

to set up tests even traps for people King Louis I 14th was a master of this he stood at the top of a court in Versa filled with members of the nobility seething with hostility and resentment toward him and the absolute Authority he was trying to impose but in the Civilized realm of versailes they all had to be consumate actors and hide their feelings particularly toward the king Lewis had his ways however of testing them he would suddenly appear in their presence without warning and look for the immediate Expressions on their faces he would request

a nobleman to move himself and his family to the Palace of versailes knowing that this was costly and unpleasant he carefully observed any signs of annoyance in the face or voice he would say something negative about another cordier an ally of theirs and notice their immediate reaction enough signs of discomfort indicated secret hostility if you suspect someone of feeling Envy talk about the latest good news for you without appearing to brag look for micro expressions of disappointment on their face use similar tests to probe for hidden anger and resentments eliciting the responses that people cannot

suppress so quickly in general people will want to see more of you want to see less of you or be rather indifferent they may fluctuate among the three states but they will tend to Veer toward one they will reveal this and how quickly they respond to your emails or texts their body language on first seeeing you and the overall tone they take in your presence the value in detecting possible hostility or negative feelings early on is that it increases your strategic options and ruin to maneuver you can lay a trap for people intentionally stirring their

hostility and goating them into some aggressive action that will embarrass them in the long run or you can work doubly hard to neutralize their dislike of you and even win them over through a charm offensive or you can simply create distance not hiring them firing them refusing to interact with them in the end you will make your path much smoother by avoiding surprise battles and acts of sabotage on the other side of the coin we generally have less of a need to hide positive emotions from others but nonetheless we often do not like to emit

obvious signs of joy and attraction especially in work situations or even in courtship people often prefer to display a cool social front so there is Great Value in being able to detect the signs that people are falling under your spell according to research studies on facial cues by psychologists such as Paul Eggman eh hes and others people who feel positive emotions for you will display noticeable signs of relaxation in the facial muscles particularly in the lines of the forehead and the area around the mouth their lips will appear more fully exposed and the whole area

around their eyes will widen these are all involuntary expressions of comfort and openness if the feelings are more intense such as falling in love blood rushes to the face animating all of the features as part of this excited state the pupils will dilate and automatic response in which the eyes let in more light it is a sure sign that a person is comfortable and likes what they are seeing along with the dilation the eyebrows will rise making the eyes look even bigger we do not usually pay attention to our pupils because looking intently into another's

eyes has an overtly sexual connotation we must train ourselves to glance quickly at the pupils when we notice any widening of the eyes in developing your skills in this Arena you must learn to distinguish between the fake and the genuine smile in trying to hide our negative feelings we most often resort to the fake smile because it is easy and people generally do not pay attention to the subtleties of smiles because the genuine variety is less common you must know how to recognize it the genuine smile will affect the muscles around the eyes and widen

them often revealing crow's feet on the sides of the eyes it will also tend to pull the cheeks upward there is no genuine smile without a definite change in the eyes and cheeks some people will try to create the impression of the genuine variety by putting on a very broad smile which will partially alter the eyes as well so in addition to the physical signs you must look at the context the genuine smile usually comes from some action or words that suddenly elicit the response it is spontaneous is the smile in this case somewhat unrelated

to the circumstances not warranted by what was said is it a situation in which a person is straining to impress or has strategic goals in mind is the timing of the smile slightly off perhaps the most telling indication of positive emotions comes from the voice it is much easier for us to control the face we can look in a mirror for such purposes but unless we are professional actors the voice is very difficult to consciously modulate when people are engaged and excited to talk to you the pitch of their voice Rises indicating emotional arousal even

if people are nervous the tone of the voice will be warm and natural as opposed to the simulated warmth of a Salesman you can detect an almost purring quality to the voice which some have likened to a vocal smile you will notice also an absence of tension and hesitation in the course of a conversation there is an equal level of banter with a pace quickening indicating increasing Rapport a voice that is animated and happy tends to infect us with the mood and elicit a similar response we know it when we feel it but often we

ignore these feelings and instead concentrate on the friendly words or sales pitch finally monitoring non-verbal cues is essential in your attempts at influencing and seducing people it is the best way to gauge the degree to which a person is falling under your spell when people start to feel comfortable in your presence they will stand closer to you or lean in their arms not folded or revealing any tension if you are giving a talk or telling a story frequent head NOS attentive gazes and genuine Smiles will indicate that people agree with what you are saying and

are losing their resistance they exchange more looks perhaps the best and most exciting sign of all is synchrony the other person unconsciously mirroring you their legs cross in the same direction the head tilts in a similar manner one smile inducing another at the deepest level of synchrony as Milton Eric discovered you will find breathing patterns falling into the same Rhythm which can sometimes end in the complete synchrony of a kiss you can also train yourself to not only monitor these changes that show your influence but induce them as well by displaying positive cues yourself you

begin to slowly stand or lean closer revealing subtle signs of openness you nod and smile as others talk you mirror their behavior and their breathing patterns as you do so you watch for signs of emotional infection going further only when you detect the slow crumbling of resistance with expert seducers we use all of the positive cues to mimic the appearance that they are falling in love only to bring you more deeply under their control keep in mind that very few people naturally reveal so much emotion so early on if your supposed effect on them seems

a bit too rushed and perhaps contrived tell them to slow down and monitor their face for micro expressions of frustration dominant submission ches as the most complex social animal on the planet we humans form elaborate hierarchies based on position money and power we are aware of these hierarchies but we do not like talking explicitly about relative power positions and we are generally uncomfortable when others talk about their Superior rank instead signs of dominance or weakness are more often expressed in non-verbal communication we have inherited this communication style from other primates notably chimpan disas who have

elaborate signals to denote an individual chimp's place in the social rank keep in mind that the feeling of being in a superior social position gives people a confidence that will radiate outward in their body language some feel this confidence before they attain a position of power and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as others are drawn to them some were ambitious might try to simulate these cues but it has to be done well fake confidence can be quite off-putting confidence usually comes with a greater feeling of relaxation that is clearly reflected in the face and with

a greater freedom of movement those who are powerful will feel allowed to look around more at others choosing to make eye contact with whomever they please their eyelids are more closed a sign of seriousness and competence if they feel bored or annoyed they show it more freely and openly they often smile less frequent smiling being a sign of overall insecurity they feel more entitled to touch people such as with friendly pats on the back or on the arm in a meeting they will tend to take up more space and create more distance around themselves they

stand taller and their gestures are relaxed and comfortable most important others feel compelled to imitate their style and mannerisms the leader will tend to impose a form of non-verbal communication on the group in very subtle ways you will notice people mimicking not only their ideas is but also their calm or more phenetic energy alpha males like to Signal their Superior position in the rank in several ways they speak faster than others and feel entitled to interrupt and control the flow of the conversation their handshake is extra vigorous almost crushing when they walk in the office

you will see them assume a taller stance and a purposeful stride generally making inferiors walk behind them watch chimpanzees in a zoo and you will notice similar behavior on the part of the alpha chimp for women in leadership positions what often works best is a calm confident expression warm yet businesslike Perhaps the best example of this would be current German Chancellor Angela Merkel her Smiles are even less frequent than the average male politician but when they occur they are especially meaningful they never seem fake she listens to others with looks of complete absorption her face

remarkably still she has a way of getting others to do most of the talking while always seeming to be in control of the course of the conversation she does not need to interrupt to assert herself when she wants to attack someone it is with looks of boredom iciness or contempt never with blustery words when Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to intimidate her by bringing his pet dog into a meeting knowing Merkel had once been bitten and had a fear of dogs she visibly tensed then quickly composed herself and looked him calmly in the eye she

put herself in the oneup position in relation to Putin by not making anything of his Ploy he seemed rather childish and Petty in comparison her style does not include all of the alpha male body posturing it is quieter and yet extremely powerful in its own way as women come to attain more leadership positions this less obtrusive style of authority might begin to alter our perception of some of the dominance cues so long associated with power it is worth observing those and positions of power in your group for signs of dominance cues and for their absence

leaders who display tension and hesitation in their non-verbal cues are generally insecure in their power and feel it threatened signs of such anxiety and insecurity are generally easy to spot they will talk in a more halting manner with long pauses their voice will rise and pitch and stay there they will tend to avert their gaze and control their movements although they will often blink more they will put on more forced smiles and emit nervous laughs as opposed to feeling entitled to touch others they will tend to touch themselves in what is known as pacifying Behavior

they will touch their hair their neck their forehead all in an attempt to soothe their nerves people trying to hide their insecurities will assert themselves a little too loudly in a conversation their voices Rising as they do this they look around nervously eyes wide open or as as they talk in an animated way their hands and bodies are unusually still always a sign of anxiety they will inevitably give off mixed signals and you must pay greater attention to those that signal underlying insecurity Nicholas sarosi president of France was someone who liked to assert his presence

through body language he would Pat people on the back be the one to direct them where to stand fix them with his stare interrupt what they were saying and generally try to dominate the room during one meeting with him in the midst of the Euro crisis Chancellor Merkel saw his usual domineering act but could not help but notice his foot nervously jiggling the entire time the extra assertive style was perhaps his way of distracting others from his insecurities this was valuable information Merkel could put to use people's actions will often contain dominance and submission cues

for instance people will often show up late to indicate their superiority real or imagin they are not obligated to be on time also conversation patterns reveal the relative position people feel they occupy for instance those who feel dominant will tend to talk more and interrupt frequently as a means of asserting themselves when there's an argument that turns personal they will resort to what is known as punctuation they will find an action on the other side that started it all even though clearly it is part of the relationship pattern they assert their interpretation of who is

to blame through their tone of voice and piercing looks If You observe a couple from the outside you will frequently notice one person who is in a dominant position if you converse with them the dominant one will make our contact with you but not with his or her partner and will appear to only half listen to what the partner says Smiles can also be a subtle cue for indicating superiority especially through what we shall call the tight smile this usually comes in response to something someone said and it is a smile that tightens the facial

muscles and indicates irony and contempt for the person they see as inferior but gives them the cover of appearing friendly any final but very subtle non-verbal means of asserting dominance in a relationship comes through the symptom one partner suddenly develops headaches or some other illness or starts drinking or generally falls into a negative pattern of behavior this forces the other side to play by their rules to tend to their weaknesses it is the wful use of sympathy to gain power and it is extremely effective finally use the knowledge you glean from these Tes as a

valuable means of gauging the levels of confidence in people and acting appropriately with leaders who are riddled with insecurities that poke through nonverbally you can play to their insecurities and gain power through this but often it is best to avoid attaching yourself too closely to such types as they tend to do poorly over time and can drag you down with them with those who are not leading leaders but are trying to assert themselves as if they were your response should depend on their personality type if they are Rising Stars full of self-belief and a sense

of Destiny it might be wise to try to rise with them you will notice such types by the positive energy that surrounds them on the other hand if they are simply arrogant and pity despat these are precisely the types you should always strive to avoid as they are Masters at making others pay lip service to them without giving anything in return deception cues we humans are by Nature quite gullible we want to believe in certain things that we can get something for nothing that we can easily regain or rejuvenate our health thanks to some new

trick perhaps even cheat death that most people are essentially good and can be trusted this propensity is what deceivers and manipulators thrive on it would be immensely beneficial for the future of our species if we were all less gullible but we cannot change human nature and instead the best we can do is to learn to recognize certain telltale signs of an attempted deception and maintain our skepticism as we examine the evidence further the most clear and common sign comes when people assume an extra animated front when they smile a lot seem more than friendly and

even are quite entertaining it is hard for us to not be drawn in and lower ever so slightly our resistance to their influence when Lyndon Johnson was trying to pull the wool over the eyes of a fellow Senator he would go and extra mild with his physical presence cornering them in the cloak room telling some off-color jokes touching them on the arm looking extra sincere and cracking the biggest Smiles he could muster similarly if people are trying to cover something up they tend to become extra vement righteous and chatty they are playing on the conviction

bias if I deny or say something with so much Gusto with an air of being a victim it is hard to doubt me we tend to take extra conviction for truth in fact when people try to explain their ideas with so much exaggerated energy or defend themselves with an intense level of denial that is precisely when you should raise your antenna in both cases the coverup and the Soft Cell The Deceiver is striving to distract you from the truth although an animated face and gestures might come from sheer exuberance and genuine friendliness when they come

from someone you don't know well or from someone who just might have something to hide you must be on your guard now you are looking for non-verbal signs to confirm your suspicions with such deceivers you will often notice that one part of the face or the body is more expressive to attract your attention this will often be the area around the mouth with large smiles and changing Expressions this is the easiest area of the body for people to manipulate and create an animated effect but it could also be exaggerated gestures with the hands and arms

the key is that you will detect tension and anxiety in other parts of the body because it is impossible for them to control all of the muscles when they flash a big smile the eyes are tense with little movement or the rest of the body is unusually still or if the eyes are trying to fool you with looks to Garner your sympathy the mouth Quivers slightly these are signs of contrived behavior of trying too hard to control one part of the body sometimes really clever deceivers will attempt to create the opposite impression if they are

covering up a misdeed they will hide their guilt behind an extremely serious and competent exterior the face becoming unusually still instead of loud denials they will offer a highly plausible explanation of the chain of events even going through the evidence that confirms this their picture of reality is nearly seamless if they are trying to gain your money or support they will pose as the highly competent professional to the point of being somewhat boring even hitting you with a lot of numbers and statistics con artists often employ this front the great con artist Victor lustig would

lull his victims to sleep with a professional patter making himself come off as a bureaucrat or the dull expert in bonds and securities Bernie Madoff seemed so Bland nobody could possibly suspect him of such an audacious con game as the one he pulled off this form of deception is harder to see through because there is less to notice but once again you are looking for contrived Impressions real it is never so Pat and seamless real events involve sudden random intrusions and accidents reality is messy and the pieces rarely fit so perfectly that was what was

wrong with the Watergate cover up and raised suspicions when the explanation or the come on is just a little too slick or professional that is what should trigger your skepticism looking at this from the other side as a character in dov's novel The Idiot advised when you are lying if you SK skillfully put in something not quite ordinary something eccentric something you know that never has happened or very rarely it makes the LI sound much more probable in general the best thing to do when you suspect people of trying to distract you from the truth

is not to actively confront them in the beginning but in fact to encourage them to continue by showing interest in what they are saying or doing you want them to talk more to reveal more signs of tension and contrivance at the right moment you must surpris them with a question or remark that is designed to make them uncomfortable revealing you are on to them pay attention to the micro expressions and Body Language they emit at such moments if they are really deceiving they will often have a freeze response as they take this in and then

quickly try to mask the underlying anxiety this was the favorite strategy of detective Columbo in the television series of the same name facing criminals who had tried to reverse engineer the evidence to make it look like someone else had done done it Columbo would pretend to be perfectly friendly and harmless but then would suddenly ask an uncomfortable question and then pay extra attention to the face and body even with the most practiced deceivers one of the best ways to unmask them is to notice how they give emphasis to their words through non-verbal cues it is

very difficult for humans to fake this emphasis comes through raised vocal pitch and assertive tone forceful hand gestures the raising of eyebrows and the widening of eyes we might also lean forward or rise up on the balls of our feet we engage in such behavior when we are filled with emotion and trying to add an exclamation point to what we are saying it is hard for deceivers to mimic this the emphasis they place with their voice or body is not exactly correlated to what they are saying does not quite fit the context of the moment

or comes a little too late when they pound the table with their fist it is not at the moment they should be feeling the emotion but a little earlier here as if on Q as if to create an effect these are all cracks in the veneer of the realness they are trying to project finally with deception keep in mind that there is always a scale involved at the bottom of the scale we find the most harmless varieties Little White Lies these could include all forms of flattery in daily life you look great today I loved

your screenplay they could include not revealing to people exactly what you did that day or withholding bits of information because it is annoying to be completely transparent and have no privacy these small forms of deception can be detected if we pay attention such as by noticing the genuiness of a smile but in fact it is best to Simply ignore this lower end polite civilized society depends on the ability to say things that are not always sincere it would be too damaging socially to become constantly aware of this subr of deception savior alertness for those situations

in which the stakes are higher and people might be angling to get something valuable out of you the art of impression management in general the word role playing has negative connotations we contrast it with authenticity a person who is truly authentic doesn't need to play a role in life we think but can simply be him or herself this concept his value in friendships and in our intimate relationships where hopefully we can drop the masks we wear and feel comfortable able in displaying our unique qualities but in our professional life it is much more complicated when

it comes to a specific job or role to play in society we have expectations about what is professional we would be made to feel uncomfortable if our airplane pilot suddenly started to act like a car salesman or a mechanic like a therapist or a professor like a rock musician if such people acted completely like themselves dropping their masks and refusing to play their roles we would question their competence a politician or public figure whom we see is more authentic than others is generally better at projecting such a quality they know that appearing humble or discussing

their private life or telling an anecdote that reveals some vulnerability will have the authentic effect we are not seeing them as they are in the privacy of their home life in the public sphere means wearing a mask and sometimes some people were the mask of authenticity even the Hipster or the rebel is playing a role with prescribed poses and Tattoos they do not have the freedom to suddenly wear a business suit because others in their Circle would begin to question their sincerity which depends on displaying the right appearance people have more freedom to bring more

of their personal qualities into the role they play once they have established themselves and their competence is no longer in question but this is always within limits consciously or unconsciously most of us adhere to what is expected of our role because we realize our social success depends on this some may refuse to play this game but in the end they are marginalized and forced to play The Outsider role with limited options and decreasing Freedom as they get older in general it is best to Simply accept this Dynamic and derive some pleasure from it you are

not only aware of the proper appearances you must present but know how to shape them for maximum effect you can then transform yourself into a superior actor on the stage of life and enjoy your moment in the the Limelight the following are some basics in the art of impression management Master the non-verbal cues in certain settings when people want to get a fix on who we are they pay greater attention to the non-verbal cues we emit this could be in a job interview a group meeting or a public appearance aware of this smart social performers

will know how to control these cues to some degree and consciously emit the signs that are suitable and positive they know how to seem like able flash genuine Smiles use welcoming body language and mirror the people they deal with they know the dominance cues and how to radiate confidence they know that certain looks are more expressive than words in conveying disdain or attraction in general you want to be aware of your non-verbal style so you can consciously alter certain aspects for better effect be a method actor in method acting you train yourself to be able

to display the proper emotions on command you feel sad when your part calls for it by recalling your own experiences that caused such emotions or if necessary by simply imagining such experiences the point is that you have control in real life it is not possible to train ourselves to such a degree but if you have no control if you are continually emoting whatever comes to you in the moment you will suddenly signal weakness and an overall lack of self-mastery learn how to consciously put yourself in the right emotional Mood by imagining how and why you

should feel the emotion suitable to the occasion or performance you are about to give surrender to the feeling for the moment so that the face and body are naturally animated sometimes by actually making yourself smile or frown you will experience some of the emotions that go with these Expressions just as important train yourself to return to a more neutral expression at a natural moment careful to not go too far with your emoting adapt to your audience although you could conform to certain parameters set by the role you play you must be flexible a master performer

like Bill Clinton never lost sight of the fact that as president he had to project confidence and power but if he was speaking to a group of Auto Workers he would adjust his accent and his words to fit the audience and he would do the same for a group of Executives know your audience and shape your non-verbal cues to their style and taste create the proper first impression it has been demonstrated how much people tend to just judge based on First Impressions and the difficulties they have in reassessing these judgments knowing this you must give

extra attention to your first appearance before an individual or group in general it is best to tone down your non-verbal cues and present a more neutral front too much excitement will signal insecurity and might make people suspicious a relaxed smile however and looking people in the eye in these first encounters can do wonders for lowering their natural resistance use dramatic effects this mostly involves mastering the art of presence absence if you are too present if people see you too often or can predict exactly what you will do next they will quickly grow bored with you

you must know how to selectively absent yourself to regulate how often and when you appear before others making them want to see more of you not less cloak yourself in some mystery displaying some subtly contradictory qualities people don't need to know everything about you learn to withhold information in general make your appearances and your behavior less predictable project saintly qualities no matter what historical period we are living through there are certain traits that are always seen as positive and that you must know how to display for instance the appearance of saintliness never goes out of

fashion appearing saintly today is certainly different in content from the 16th century but the essence is the same you embody what is considered good and above approach in the modern world this means showing yourself as Progressive supremely tolerant and open-minded you will want to be seen giving generously to certain causes and supporting them on social media projecting sincerity and honesty always plays well a few public confessions of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities will do the trick for some reason people see signs of humility as authentic even though people might very well be simulating them learn how

to occasionally lower your head and appear humble if Dirty Work must be done get others to do it your hands are clean never overly play the Machiavellian leader that only works well on television use the appropriate dominance cues to make people think you are powerful even before you reach the heights you want to seem like you were destined for Success a mystical effect that always works the master of this game has to be Emperor Augustus 63 BC ad14 of ancient Rome Augustus understood the value of having a good enemy a villain with whom he could

contrast himself for this purpose he used Mark Anthony his early rival for power as the perfect foil Augustus personally Allied himself with everything traditional in Roman society even placing his home near the spot where the city had supposedly been founded while Anthony was off in Egypt dallying with Queen Cleopatra and giving into a life of luxury Augustus could continually point to their differences showing himself off as the embodiment of Roman values which Anthony had betrayed once he became the supreme leader of Rome Augustus made a public show of humility of giving back powers to the

Senate and to the people he spoke a more vernacular Latin and lived simply like a man of the people and for all this he was revered it was of course all a show in fact he spent most of his time in a luxurious Villa outside Rome he had many mistresses who came from places as exotic as Egypt and while seeming to give away power he held on tightly to the real Reigns of control the military obsessed with the theater Augustus was a master showman and wearer of masks he must have realized this for these were

the last words he spoke on his deathbed have I played my part in the face of life well enough realiz I the following the word personality comes from the Latin Persona which means mask in the public we all wear masks and this has a positive function if we displayed exactly who we are and spoke our minds truthfully we would offend almost everyone and reveal qualities that are best concealed having a Persona playing a role well actually protects us from people looking too closely at us with all of the insecurities that would churn up in fact

the better you play your role the more power you will acre and with power you will have the freedom to express more of your peculiarities if you take this far enough the Persona you present will match many of your unique characteristics but always heightened for effect you appear to read a good deal upon her which was quite invisible to Me Not Invisible but unnoticed Watson you did not know where to look and so you missed all that was important I can never bring you to realize the importance of sleeves the suggestiveness of thumbnail nails or

the great issues that may hang from a bootlace Sir Arthur Conan Doyle a case of identity for determine the strength of people's character the law of compulsive behavior when choosing people to work and associate with do not be mesmerized by their reputation or taken in by the surface image they try to project instead train yourself to look deep within them and see their character people's character is formed in their earliest years and by their daily habits it is what compels them to repeat certain actions in their lives and fall into negative patterns look closely at

such patterns and remember that people never do something just once they will inevitably repeat their behavior gauge the relative strength of their character by how well they handle adversity their ability to adapt and work with other people their patience and ability to learn always gravitate toward those who display signs of strength and avoid the many toxic types out there know thoroughly your own character character so you can break your compulsive patterns and take control of your destiny the pattern to his Aunts Uncles and grandparents who watched him grow up in Houston Texas Howard Hughes Jr

was a rather shy and awkward boy his mother had nearly died giving birth to him and consequently could not have other children so she completely doed on her son continually anxious that he might catch some illness she watched his every move and did all she could to protect him the boy seemed in allwe of his father Howard Senior who in 1909 had started the sharp Hughes tool company which would soon make the family a fortune his father was not home much always traveling for business so Howard spent a great deal of time with his mother

to the relatives he could seem nervous and hyp sensitive but as he got older he became a remarkably polite softspoken young man completely devoted to his parents then in 1922 his mother at the age of 39 suddenly died his father never quite recovered from her early death and passed away 2 years later now at the age of 19 young Howard was alone in the world having lost the two people who had been his closest Companions and who had directed every phase of his life his relatives decided they would have to fill the void and give

the young man the guidance he needed but in the months after the death of his father they suddenly had to confront a Howard Hughes Jr they had never seen before or suspected the s spoken young man suddenly became rather abusive the obedient boy was now the complete Rebel he would not continue College as they advised he would not follow any of their recommendations the more they insisted the more belligerent he became inheriting the family wealth young Howard could now become completely independent and he meant to take this as far as he could he immediately went

to work to buy out all of the shares in the sharp Hugh Tool company that his relative possessed and to gain complete control of the highly lucrative business under Tex's law he could petition the courts to declare him an adult if he could prove himself competent enough to assume the role Hughes befriended a local judge and soon got the Declaration he wanted now he could run his own life in the tool company with no interference his relatives were shocked by all of this and soon both sides would cut off almost all contact with each other

for the rest of their lives what had changed the sweet boy they had known into this Hy Progressive rebellious young man it was a mystery they would never solve shortly after declaring his independence Howard settled in Los Angeles where he was determined to follow his two newest passions filmmaking and piloting airplanes he had the money to indulge himself in both of these interests and in 1927 he decided to combine them producing an Epic high-budget film about Airmen during World War I to be called hell's aner angs he hired a director and a team of writers

to come up with the script but he had a falling out with the director and fired him he then hired another director Luther Reed a man who was also an aviation buff and could relate better to the project but soon he quit tired of hughes's constant interfering in the project his last words to Hughes were if you know so much why don't you direct it yourself Hughes followed his advice and named himself the director the budget began to his sore as he strove for the utmost in realism month after month year after year went by

as Hughes ran through hundreds of crew members and stunt Pilots three of whom died in fiery accidents after endless battles he ended up firing almost every head of a department and running things himself he fussed over every shot every angle every storyboard finally Hells Angels premiered in 1930 and it was a Smash Hit the story was a mess but the flying and action sequences thrilled audiences now the legend of Howard Hughes was born he was The Dashing Young Maverick who had bucked the system and created a hit he was the rugged individualist who did everything

himself the film had cost a whopping $3.8 million to make and had lost close to $2 million but nobody paid attention to this Hughes himself was humble and claimed to have learned his lesson on the production making Hell's Angels by myself was my biggest mistake trying to do the work of 12 men was just dumbness on my part I learned by bitter experience that no one man can know everything during the 1930s the Hughes Legend only seemed to grow as he piloted planes to several World Records in speed courting death on several occasions Hughes had

spun off from his father's company a new business venture called Hughes aircraft which he hoped to transform into the biggest manufacturer of airplanes in the world at the time this this required procuring large military contracts for planes and as the US entered World War II Hughes made a big play for such a contract in 1942 various officials in the defense department impressed by his Aviation Feats the meticulous attention to detail he revealed in his interviews and his tireless lobbying efforts decided to award Hughes aircraft an $18 million Grant to produce three enormous transport planes called

the Hercules which would be used to fery soldiers and supplies to various fronts in the war the planes were called flying boats and were to have wingspans longer than a football field and stand over three stories high at the hole if the company did a good job on this bringing the planes in on time and on budget they would order many more in Hughes could Corner the market and transport planes less than a year later there was more good news impressed with the beautiful and Sleek design of his smaller D2 plane the Air Force put

in an order for 100 photo planes for $43 million to be reconfigured along the lines of the D2 but soon word began to spread of trouble at Hughes aircraft the company had started as a sort of hobby for Hughes he had placed various Hollywood friends and Aviation buddies in high level positions as the company grew so did the number of departments but there was little communication among them everything had to flow through Hughes himself he had to be consulted on the smallest decision ision frustrated by all of his interference in their work several top-notch Engineers

had already quit Hughes saw the problem and hired a general manager to help with the Hercules project and straighten the company out but the general manager quit after two months Hughes had promised him card blanch in restructuring the company but only several days into the job he began vetoing his decisions and undermining his authority by the late summer of 1943 $6 million of the 9 milli million dollar set aside for the production of the first Hercules plane had already been spent but the plane was nowhere near completion those in the defense department who had endorsed

Hughes for the job began to panic the photo reconnaissance order was a critical one for the war effort did the internal chaos and delays with the Hercules bod problems with a more important reconnaissance order had Hughes duked them with his charm and his publicity campaign by early 1944 the order for the reconnaissance planes had fallen hopelessly behind schedule the military now insisted he hire a new general manager to salvage something from the order fortunately one of the best men for the job was available at the time Charles Perell the Boy Wonder of aircraft production Perell

did not want the job he knew like everyone in the business of the chaos within Hughes aircraft now Hughes himself feeling desperate went on a charm offensive he insisted he he had realized the error of his ways he needed perel's expertise he was not what Perell had expected he was completely humble and made it seem as if he were the victim of unscrupulous Executives within the company he knew all the technical details of producing a plane which impressed Perell he promised to give Pell The Authority he needed against his better judgment perel took the job

after only a few weeks however Perell regretted his decision the planes were further behind schedule than he had been led to believe everything he saw rre of a lack of professionalism down to the shatty drawings of the planes he went to work cutting wasteful spending and streamlining departments but nobody respected his authority everybody knew who really ran the company as Hughes kept undermining perel's reforms as the order fell further behind and the pressure mounted Hughes disappeared from the scene apparently having a nervous breakdown by the end of the war not a single reconnaissance plane had

been produced and the Air Force canceled the contract Perell himself broken by The Experience quit his job in December of that year Hughes trying to salvage something from the war years could point to the completion of one of the flying boats later known as the Spruce Goose it was a Marvel he claimed a brilliant piece of engineering on a massive scale to prove the doubters wrong he decided to test fly the plane himself as he flew over the ocean however it became painfully clear that the plane did not have nearly enough power for its enormous

weight and after a mile he gently set it down on the water and had it towed back the plane would never fly again and would be dryed in a hanger at a cost of $1 million per year Hughes refusing to take it apart for scrap by 1948 the owner of RKO pictures Floyd odam was looking to sell RKO was one of Hollywood most profitable and prestigious Studios and Hughes was itching to get back in the Limelight by establishing himself in the film business he bought adlam shares and gained a controlling interest within RKO there was

Panic Executives that knew of his reputation for meddling the company had just brought in a new regime headed by D Shari that was going to transform RKO into the hottest studio for young directors sh decided to quit before being humiliated but he agreed to first meet Hughes mostly out of curiosity Hughes was all charm he took hold of shar's hand looked him straight in the eye and said I want no part of running the studio you will be left alone sh surprised by his sincerity and agreement with Shah's proposed transformation of the studio relented and

for the first few weeks all was as hug had promised but then the phone calls began Hughes wanted shie to replace an an actress on the latest film in production realizing his mistake Shah immediately resigned taking with him many of his own staff taking with him many of his own staff taking with him many of his own staff taking with him many of his own staff taking with him many of his own staff taking with him many of his own staff Hughes began filling positions with men who followed his orders hiring exactly the actors and

actresses that he himself liked he bought a screenplay called Jet Pilot and planned on making it the 1949 version of Hell's Angels it was to Star John Wayne and the great Joseph Von Sternberg was to direct after a few weeks Sternberg could not endure one more phone call and quit Hughes took over in a complete repeat of the production of Hell's Angels it took nearly 3 years to finish mostly because of the aerial photography and the budget soared to $4 million Hughes had shot so much footage he could not decide how to cut it down

it took 6 years before it was ready and by then the jet scenes were completely out of date and Wayne looked considerably older the film subsequently fell into complete obscurity soon the once bustling Studio was losing substantial sums and in 1955 with stockholders furious at his mismanagement Hugh sold RKO to the General Tire Company in the 1950s and early 60s the u s military decided to adapt some of its fighting philosophy to the times to wage war in places like Vietnam it needed helicopters including a light observation helicopter to help in reconnaissance the Army searched

out potential manufacturers and in 1961 selected two of them that had submitted the best proposals rejecting the design of hughes's second aircraft company which he had spun off from Hughes tool Hughes refused to accept this setback his publicity team went on a massive lobbying campaign whining and dining Army brass much as they had done some 20 years earlier with the photo reconnaissance planes spending money lavishly the campaign was a success and the Hughes entry was now on running along with the other two the Army decided that the company that came in with the best price

would win the price Hughes submitted surprised the military it was so low it seemed impossible for the company to make any money on the manufacturer of the helicopters it seemed clear that his strategy was to lose money on the initial production in order to win the auction get the contract and then raise the price on subsequent orders in 1965 the Army finally awarded the contract to Hughes an incredible coup for a company that had had so little success in Airplane production if they were made well and on time the Army could potentially order thousands of

helicopters and Hughes could use this as a springboard into the production of commercial helicopters and expanding business as the Vietnam War heated up the Army was certain to increase its order and Hughes would reap the Bonanza but as they waited for the delivery of the first helicopters those who had awarded the contract to Hughes began to panic the company was falling way behind the schedule they had agreed upon and so they launched an investigation to find out what was going on to their horror there seemed to be no organized production line the plant was too

small to handle such an order the detail s were all wrong the drawings were unprofessional the tools inadequate and there were too few skilled workers on site it was as if the company had no experience in designing planes and was trying to figure it out as it went it was the exact same predicament as with the photo reconnaissance planes which only a few in the military could remember it was clear that Hughes had not learned a single lesson from the earlier Fiasco as they now could predict the helicopter is only trickled in feeling desper sprit

Army brass decided to conduct a new auction for the much larger order of the 2,200 helicopters they now needed hoping a more experienced company would come in with a lower price and force out Hughes Hughes went into panic mode to lose this follow-on bid would spell ruin the company was counting on raising its price for this new order to recoup the enormous losses it had incurred with the initial production that was the BET Hughes had placed if he tried to come in with a low price for the additional helicopters he could not return a profit

and yet if his bid was not low enough he would be underbid which was what eventually happened the loss to Hughes in the end for the helicopters he produced was an astronomical $90 million and had a devastating effect on the company in 1976 Howard Hughes died in an airplane on route from Acapulco to Houston and as the autopsy was performed on his body the public finally became aware of what had happened to him in the last decade of his life for years he had been addicted to pain pills and narcotics he had lived in tightly

sealed hotel rooms deathly afraid of the slightest possible contamination by germs at the time of his death he weighed a mere 93 lbs he had lived in near total isolation attended to buy a few assistance desperately trying to keep all of this out of the public eye it was the ultimate irony that the man who feared more than anything the slightest loss of control had ended up in his last years at the complete mercy of of a handful of assistants and Executives who oversaw his slow death by drugs and rested essential control of the company

from him interpretation the pattern of Howard hughes's life was set from very early on his mother had an anxious nature and after learning she could have no more children she directed a great deal of her anxiety toward her only son she smothered him with constant attention she became his closest companion almost never letting him out of sight the father placed tremendous expectations on his son to carry on the family name his parents determined everything he did what he wore what he ate and who his friends were they shuttled him from school to school looking for

the perfect environment for their son who had shown himself to be hyper sensitive and not easy to get along with he was completely dependent on them for everything and out of a tremendous fear of disappointing them he became supremely polite and obedient the truth however was that he bitterly resented his total dependence once his parents died his true character could finally emerge from beneath the smiles and obedience he felt no love toward his relatives he would rather face the future alone than have the slightest bit of authority above him he had to have complete control

even at the age of 19 over his fate anything less would stir up the old anxieties from childhood and with the money he inherited he had the power to realize his dream of total Independence his love of flying reflected this character trait only in the air alone and at the helm could he really experience the exhileration of control and release from his anxieties he could soar high above the masses whom he secretly despised he could Brave death which he did many times because it would be a death under his own power his character came out

even more clearly in the leadership style that he evolved in Hollywood and his other business ventures if writers directors or Executives came forward with their own ideas he could only see this as a personal challenge to his authority this would stir up his old anxieties about being helpless and dependent on others to combat this anxiety he would have to keep control of all aspects of the business overseeing even the spelling and grammar of the smallest publicity notice he would have to create a very loose structure within his companies making all of the executives fight among

themselves for his attention better to have some internal chaos as long as everything flowed through him the Paradox of this was that by trying to gain such total control he tended to lose it one man could not possibly keep on top of everything and so all kinds of unforeseen problems would arise and when projects fell apart and the heat became intense he would disappear from the scene or conveniently fall ill his need to control everything around him even extended to the women he dated he scrutinized their every action had them followed by by private investigators

the problem that Howard Hughes presented to all those who chose to work with him in some capacity was that he carefully constructed a Public Image that concealed the glaring weaknesses in his character instead of the irrational micromanager he could present himself as the rugged individualist and the consumate American Maverick most damaging of all was his ability to portray himself as a successful businessman leading a billion dooll Empire in truth he had inherited a highly profit profitable tool business from his father over the years the only parts of his Empire that ran substantial profits were the

tool company and an earlier version of Hughes aircraft that he had spun out of the tool company for various reasons both of these businesses were run completely independently of Hughes he had no input on their operations the many other businesses he personally ran his later aircraft division his film Ventures his hotels and real estate in Las Vegas all lost substantial amounts that were fortunately covered by the other two in fact Hughes was a terrible businessman and the pattern of failures that revealed this was plain for everyone to see but this is the blind spot in

human nature we are poorly equipped to gauge the character of the people we deal with their Public Image the reputation that precedes them easily mesmerizes us we are captivated by appearances if they surround themselves with some alluring myth as Hughes did we want to believe in it instead of determining people's character their ability to work with others to keep to their promises to remain strong in adverse circumstances we choose to work with or hire people based on their glittering resume their intelligence and their charm but even a positive traits such as intelligence is worthless if

the person also happens to be of weak or dubious character and so because of our blind spot we suffer under the irresolute leader the micromanaging boss the conniving partner this is the source of endless tragedies in history our pattern as a species at all costs you must alter your perspective train yourself to ignore the front that people display the myth that surrounds them and instead Plum their depths for signs of their character this can be seen in the patterns they reveal from their past the quality of their decisions how they have chosen to solve problems

how they delegate Authority and work with others and countless other signs a person of of strong character is like gold rare but invaluable they can adapt learn and improve themselves since your success depends on the people you work with in four make their character the primary object of your attention you will spare yourself the misery of discovering their character when it is too late character is Destiny heraclitis keys to human nature for thousands of years we humans believed in fate some kind of force Spirits gods or God compelled us to act in a certain way

at Birth our entire lives were laid out in advance we were faded to succeed or fail we see the world much differently now we believe that we are largely in control of what happens to us that we create our own destiny upon occasion however we might have a fleeting Sensation that approximates what our ancestors must have felt perhaps a personal relationship goes bad or our career path hits a snag and deep these difficulties are uncannily similar to something that happened to us in the past or we realize that our way of working on a project

needs some improvement we could do things better we try to alter our methods only to find ourselves doing things in exactly the same way with nearly the same results we might feel for a moment that some kind of Malignant Force in the world some curse compels us to relive the same situations we can often notice this phenomenon more clearly in the action of others particularly those closest to us for instance we see friends continually fall for exactly the wrong person or unconsciously push away the right person we cringe at some foolish behavior of theirs such

as an ill-considered investment or career choice only to see them repeat the foolishness a few years later once they have forgotten the lesson or we know someone who always manages to offend the wrong person at the wrong time creating hostility wherever he or she goes or they crumble under pressure always in the same way but blaming others or bad luck for what happens and of course we know the addicts who get out of their addiction only to fall back in or find some other form of addiction we see these patterns and they don't because nobody

likes to believe that they are operating under some kind of compulsion beyond their control it is too disturbing a thought if we are honest with ourselves we must admit there is some truth to the concept of Fate we are prone to repeat the same decisions and methods of dealing with problems there is a pattern to our life particularly visible in our mistakes and failures but there is a different way of looking at this concept it is not Spirits or gods that control us but rather our character the atmology of the word character from the ancient

Greek refers to an engraving or stamping instrument character then is something that is so deeply ingrained or stamped within us that it compels us to act in certain ways beyond our awareness and control we can conceive of this character as having three essential components each layered on top of the other giving this character depth the earliest and deepest layer comes from genetics from the particular way our brains are wired which predisposes US towards certain moods and preferences this genetic component can make some people prone to depression for instance it makes some people introverts and others

extroverts it might even incline some toward becoming especially greedy for attention or privilege or possessions the psychoanalyst Melanie Klein who studied infants believed that the greedy and grasping type of child came into the world predisposed toward this character trait there might be other genetic factors as well that predispose us toward hostility or anxiety or openness the second layer which forms above this comes from our earliest years and from the particular type of attachments we formed with our mother and caregiver in these first three or four years our brains are especially malleable we experience emotions much

more intensely creating memory traces that are much deeper than anything that will follow in this period of life we are at our most susceptible to the influence of others and the stamp from these years is profound John bulby an anthropologist and psychoanalyst studied patterns of attachment between mothers and children and came up with four basic schemas free autonomous dismissing and mesed ambivalent and disorganized the free autonomous stamp comes from mothers who give their children freedom to discover themselves and are continually sensitive to their needs but also protect them dismissing mothers are often distant even sometimes

hostile and rejecting such children are stamped with a feeling of Abandonment and the idea that they must continually fend for themselves the inest ambivalent mothers are not consistent with their attention sometimes suffocating and over involved other times retreating because of their own problems or anxieties they can make their children feel as if they have to take care of the person who should be taking care of them disorganized mothers send highly conflicting signals to their children reflecting their own inner chaos and perhaps early emotional traumas nothing their children do is right and such children can develop

powerful emotional problems there are of course many gradations within each type and combinations of them but in every case the quality of attachment that we had in our earliest years will create deep Tendencies within us in particular the way we use relationships to handle or modulate our stress for instance Children of the dismissing parent will tend to avoid any kind of negative emotional situation and to wall themselves off from feelings of dependency they might find it harder to commit to a relationship or will unconsciously push people away the children of the unmissed variety will experience

a great deal of anxiety in relationships and will feel many conflicting emotions they will always be ambivalent toward people and this will set noticeable patterns in their life in which they pursue people and then unconsciously retreat in general from these earliest years people will display a particular tone to their character hostile and aggressive secure and confident anxious and avoidant needy and in meshing these two layers are so deep that we have no real conscious awareness of them and the behavior they compel unless we expend great effort in examining ourselves above this a third layer will

form from our habits and experiences as we get older based on the first two layers we will tend to rely on certain strategies for dealing with stress looking for pleasure or handling people these strategies now become habits that are set in our youth there will be modifications to the particular nature of our character depending on the people we deal with friends teachers romantic partners and how they respond to us but in general these three layers will establish certain noticeable patterns we will make a particular decision this is engraved in our brains neurologically we are compelled

to repeat this because the path is already laid it becomes a habit and our character is formed out of these thousands of habits the earliest ones said well before we could be conscious of them there is a fourth layer as well it often is developed in late childhood and Adolescence as people become aware of their character flaws they do what they can to cover them up if they sense that deep inside they are an anxious timid type of person they come to realize that this is not a socially acceptable trait they learn to disguise it

with a front they compensate by trying to appear outgoing or Carefree or even domineering this makes it all the more difficult for us to determine the nature of their character some character traits can be posit positive and reflect Inner Strength for instance some people have a propensity toward being generous and open empathetic and resilient Under Pressure but these stronger more flexible qualities often require awareness and practice to truly become habits that can be relied upon as we get older life tends to weaken us our empathy is harder to hold on to if we are reflexively

generous and open to everyone we meet we can end up in a lot of trouble confidence without self-awareness and control can become grandiosity without conscious effort these strengths will tend to wear down or turn into weaknesses what this means is that the weakest parts of our character are the ones that create habits and compulsive Behavior because they do not require effort or practice to maintain finally we can develop conflicting character traits perhaps stemming from a difference between our genetic predispositions and our earliest influences or from parents who stamp in us different values we might feel

both idealistic and materialistic the two parts fighting within us the law Remains the Same the conflicted character which has developed in the earliest years will merely reveal a different kind of pattern with decisions that tend to reflect a person's ambivalence or that swing back and forth as a student of human nature your task is toold first you must come to understand your own character examining as best you can the elements in your past that have gone into forming it and the patterns mostly negative that you can see recurring in your life it is impossible to

get rid of this stamp that constitutes your character it is too deep but through awareness you can learn to mitigate or stop certain negative patterns you can work to transform the negative and weak aspects of your character into actual strengths you can try to create new habits and patterns that go with them through practice actively shaping your character and the destiny that goes with with it second you must develop your skill in reading the character of the people you deal with to do so you must consider character as a primary value when it comes to

choosing a person to work for or with or an intimate partner this means giving it more value than their charm intelligence or reputation the ability to observe people's character as seen in their actions and patterns is an absolutely critical social skill it can help you avoid precisely those kinds of decisions that can spell years of misery choosing an incompetent leader a shady partner a scheming assistant or the kind of incompatible spouse who can poison your life but it is a skill you must consciously develop because we humans are generally inep when it comes to such

assessments the general source of our ineptness is that we tend to base our judgments of people on what is most apparent but as stated earlier people often try to cover up their weaknesses by presenting them as something positive we see see them brimming with self-confidence only to later discover that they are actually arrogant and incapable of listening they seem Frank and sincere but over time we realize that they are actually burish and unable to consider the feelings of others or they seem prudent and thoughtful but eventually we see that they are in fact timid at

their core and Afraid of the slightest criticism people can be quite Adept at creating these optical illusions and we fall for them similarly people will charm and flatter us and blinded by our desire to like them we fail to look deeper and see the character flaws related to this when we look at people we often are really seeing only their reputation the myth that surrounds them the position they occupy and not the individual we come to believe that a person who has success must by Nature be generous intelligent and good and that they deserve everything

they have gotten but successful people come in all shapes some are good at using others to get get where they have gotten masking their own incompetence some are completely manipulative successful people have just as many character flaws as anyone else also we tend to believe that someone who adheres to a particular religion or political belief system or moral code must have the character to go with this but people bring the character they have to the position they occupy or to the religion they practice a person can be a progressive liberal or a loving Christian and

still be an intolerant Tyrant at heart the first step then in studying character is to be aware of these Illusions and facades and to train ourselves to look through them we must scrutinize everybody for signs of their character no matter the appearance they present or the position they occupy with this firmly in mind we can then work on several key components to the skill recognizing certain signs that people emit in certain situations and that clearly reveal their character understanding some general categories that people fit into and finally being aware of certain types of characters that

often are the most toxic and should be avoided if possible character signs the most significant indicator of people's character comes through their actions over time despite what people say about the lessons they have learned and how they have changed over the years you will inevitably notice the same actions and decisions repeating in the course of their life in these decisions they reveal their character you must take notice of any Salient forms of behavior disappearing when there is too much stress not completing an important piece of work turning suddenly belligerent when challenged or conversely suddenly rising

to the occasion when given responsibility with this fixed in your mind you do some research into their past you look at other actions you have observed that fit into this pattern now in retrospect you pay close attention to what they do in the prison you see their actions not as isolated incidents but as parts of of a compulsive pattern if you ignore the pattern it is your own fault you must always keep in mind the primary coraly of this law people never do something just once they might try to excuse themselves to say they lost

their heads in the moment but you can be sure they will repeat whatever foolishness they did on another occasion compelled by their character and habits in fact they will often repeat actions when it is completely against their self-interest revealing the compulsive nature of their weaknesses cases Severus was an Infamous lawyer oror who flourished in the time of the Roman Emperor Augustus he first gained attention with his fiery speeches that attacked high ranking Romans for their extravagant Lifestyles he gained a following his style was bombastic but full of humor that pleased the public encouraged by the

attention he received he began to insult other officials always raising the tone of his attacks the authorities warned him to stop the novelty wore off and the crowds grew thinner but this only made Severus try harder finally the authorities had had enough in ad7 they ordered his books to be burned and him to be banished to the island of creit to the dismay of the Roman Authorities on Creek he simply continued his obnoxious campaign sending copies to Rome of his latest diet tribes they warned him yet again he not only ignored this but he began

to Harang and insult local cron officials who wanted him put to death in ad24 the Senate wisely banished him to the unpopulated rock of sarapos in the middle of the aan sea there he would spend the last eight years of his life and we can imagine him still concocting more insulting speeches that no one would hear it is hard for us to believe that people cannot control tendencies that are so self-destructive and we want to give them the benefit of the doubt as the Romans did but we must remember the wise words in the Bible

like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool that repeats his folly you can see eloquent signs of people's character and how they handle everyday Affairs if they are late in finishing simple assignments they will be late with larger projects if they become irritated by little inconveniences they will tend to crumble under larger ones if they are forgetful on small matters and inattentive to details they will be SE on more important ones look at how they treat employees in everyday settings and notice if there are discrepancies between the Persona they present and their

attitude toward underlings in 1969 Jeb McGruder came to San Clemente for a job interview in the Nixon Administration the man giving the interview was Bob Haldeman chief of staff halderman was very Earnest completely devoted to the nixson Cs and impressed McGruder with his honesty sharpness and intelligence but as they left the interview to get in a golf cart for a tour of San Clemente halem suddenly became frantic there were no carts available he railed at those in charge of the carts and his manner was insulting and harsh he was almost hysterical McGruder should have seen

this incident as a sign that halderman was not what he appeared that he had control issues and a vicious streak but Charmed by the aura of power at San Clemente and wanting the job he chose to ignore this much to his later dismay in everyday life people can often do well at disguising their character flaws but in times of stress or crisis these flaws can suddenly become very apparent people under stress lose their normal self-control they reveal their insecurities about their reputation Their Fear of failure and lack of inner resilience on the other hand some

people rise to the occasion and reveal strength Under Fire there's no way to tell until the heat is on but you must pay extra attention to such moments similarly how people handle power and responsibility ility will tell you a lot about them as Lincoln said if you want to test a man's character give him power on the way to gaining power people will tend to play the cordier to seem differential to follow the party line to do what it takes to make it to the top once at the top there are fewer restraints and they

will often reveal something about themselves you had not noticed before some people stay true to the values they had before attaining a high position they remain respectful and empathetic on the other hand far more people suddenly feel entitled to treat others differently now that they have the power that is what happened to Lyndon Johnson once he attained a position of Ultimate Security in the Senate as Senate Majority Leader tired of the years he had to spend playing the perfect CER he now relished the power he had to upset or humiliate those who had crossed him

in the past now he would go up to such a senator and make a point of talking only to his assistant or he would get up and leave the floor when a senator he did not like was giving an important speech making other Senators follow him in general there are always signs of these character traits in the past if you look closely enough but more important you need to take notice of what people reveal once they are in power so often we think that power has changed people when in fact it simply reveals more of

who they are people's choice of spouse or partner says a lot about them some look for a partner they can Dominate and control perhaps someone younger less intelligent or successful some choose a partner they can rescue from a bad situation playing the Savior role another form of control yet others look for someone to fill the mommy or daddy role they want more pampering these choices are rarely intellectual they reflect people's earliest years and Detachment schemas they are sometimes surprising as when people select someone who seems very different and outwardly incompatible but there is always an

internal logic to such choices for instance a person has a tremendous fear of being abandoned by the one they love reflecting anxieties from infancy and so they select a person who is noticeably inferior in looks or intelligence knowing that person will cling to them no matter what another realm to examine is how people behave in moments away from work in a game or sport they might reveal a competitive nature that they cannot turn off they have a fear of being overtaken in anything even when they are driving they must be ahead out in front this

can be channeled functionally into their work but in off hours it reveals deep layers of insecurities look at how people lose in games can they do so graciously their body language will say a lot on that front do they try whatever they can to circumvent the rules or bend them are they looking to escape and relax from work or to assert themselves even in such moments in general people can be divided into introverts and extroverts and this will play a large role in the character they develop extroverts are largely governed by external criteria the question

that dominates them is what do others think of me they will tend to like what other people like and the groups they belong to frequently determine the opinions they hold they are open to suggestion and new ideas but only if they are popular in the culture or asserted by some Authority they respect extroverts value external things good clothes great meals concrete enjoyment shared with others they are in search of new and novel Sensations and have a nose for Trends they are not only comfortable with noise and bustle but actively search it out if they are

bold they love physical Adventure if they are not so bold they love Creature Comforts in any event they crave stimulation and attention from others introverts are more sensitive and easily exhaust exhausted by too much outward activity they like to conserve their energy to spend time alone or with one or two close friends as opposed to extroverts who are fascinated by facts and statistics for their own sake introverts are interested in their own opinions and feelings they love to theorize and come up with their own ideas if they produce something they do not like to promote

it they find the effort distasteful what they make should sell itself they like to keep a part of their life separate from others to have secrets their opinions do not come from what others think or from any Authority but from their inner criteria or at least they think so the bigger the crowd the more lost and lonely they feel they can seem awkward and mistrustful uncomfortable with attention they also tend to be more pessimistic and worried than the average extrovert their boldness will be expressed by the novel ideas they come up with and their creativity

you might might notice tendencies in both directions in individuals or yourself but in general people Trend in one or the other direction it is important to gauge this in others for a simple reason introverts and extroverts do not naturally understand each other to the extrovert the introvert has no Fawn is stubborn even antisocial to the introvert the extrovert is shallow flighty and overly concerned with what people think being one or the other is generally something genetic and will make two people see the same thing in a totally different light once you understand you are dealing

with someone of the other variety than yourself you must reassess their character and not voice your own preferences on them also sometimes introverts and extroverts can work well together particularly if people have a mix of both qualities and they complement each other but more often than not they do not get along and are prone to constant misunderstandings keep in mind that there are generally more extroverts than introverts in the the world finally it is critical that you measure the relative strength of people's character think of it in this way such strength comes from deep within

the core of the person it could stem from a mixture of certain factors genetics secure parenting good mentors along the way and constant Improvement whatever the cause this strength is not something displayed on the outside in the form of Bluster or aggression but manifests itself in overall resilience and adaptability strong character has a tensil quality like a good piece of metal it can give and bend but still retains its overall shape and never breaks the strength emanates from a feeling of personal security and selfworth this allows such people to take criticism and learn from their

experiences this means they do not give up so easily since they want to learn how to get better they are rigorously persistent people of strong character are open to new ideas and ways of doing things without compromising the basic principles they adhere to in adversity they can retain their presence of mind they can handle chaos and the unpredictable without succumbing to anxiety they keep their word they have patience can organize a lot of material and complete what they start not continually insecure about their status they can also subsume their personal interests to the good of

the group knowing that what works best for the team will in the end make their life easier and better people of weak character begin from the opposite position they are easily overwhelmed by circumstances making them hard to rely upon they are slippery and evasive worst of all they cannot be taught because learning from others implies criticism this means you will continually hit a wall in dealing with them they may appear to listen to your instructions but they will simply revert to what they think is best we are all a mix of strong and weak qualities

but some people clearly Veer in one or the other direction as much as you can you want to work and associate with strong characters and avoid weak ones this has been the basis for almost all of Warren Buffett's investment decisions he looks beyond the numbers to the CEOs he will be dealing with and what he wants to gauge above all else is their resilience their dependability and their selfreliance if only we used such measurements in those we hired the partners we take in and even the politicians we choose although in Intimate Relationships there are certainly

other factors that will guide our choices strength of character should also be considered this was largely what led Franklin Roosevelt to choose Eleanor as his wife as a handsome young man of wealth he could have chosen many other more beautiful young women but he admired Eleanor's openness to new experiences and her remarkable determination looking far into the future he could see the value of her character matching more than than anything else and it ended up being a very wise choice engaging strength or weakness look at how people handle stressful moments and responsibility look at their

patterns what have they actually completed or accomplished you can also test people for instance a good-natured joke at their expense can be quite revealing do they respond graciously to this not so easily caught up in their insecurities or do their eyes flash resentment or even anger to gauge their trustworthiness as a team player give them strategic information or share with them some rumor do they quickly pass along the information to others are they quick to take one of your ideas and package it as their own criticize them in a direct manner do they take this

to heart and try to learn and improve or do they show overt signs of resentment give them an open-ended assignment with less Direction than usual and monitor how they organize their thoughts and their time challenge them with a difficult assignment or some novel way of doing something and see how they respond how they handle their anxiety remember weak character will neutralize all of the other possible good qualities a person might possess for instance people of High Intelligence but weak character may come up with good ideas and even do a job well but they will crumble

under pressure or they will not take to kindly to criticism or they will think first and foremost of their own agenda or their arrogance and annoying quality ities will cause others around them to quit harming the general environment there are hidden costs to working with them or hiring them someone less charming and intelligent but of strong character will prove more reliable and productive over the long run people of real strength are as rare as gold and if you find them you should respond as if you had a discovered a treasure toxic types although each person's

character is as unique as a fingerprint we can notice throughout history certain types that keep recurring and and that can be particularly pricious to deal with as opposed to the more obviously evil or manipulative characters that you can spot a mile away these types are trickier they often lure you in with an appearance that presents their weaknesses as something positive only over time do you see the toxic nature beneath the appearance often when it is too late your best defense is to be armed with knowledge of these types to notice the signs earlier on and

to not get involved or to disengage from them as quickly as possible the hyper perfectionist you are lured into their Circle by how hard they work how dedicated they are to making the best of whatever it is they produce they put in longer hours than even the lowliest employee yes they might explode and yell at people below them for not doing the job right but that is because they want to maintain the highest standards and that should be a good thing but if you have The Misfortune of agreeing to work with or for such a

type you will slowly discover the reality they cannot delegate tasks they have to oversee everything it is less about high standards and dedication to the group than about power and control such people often have dependency issues stemming from their family background similar to Howard Hughes any feeling that they might have to depend on someone for something opens up Old Wounds and anxieties they can't trust anyone once their back is turned they imagine everyone slacking off they impulsive need to micromanage leads to people feeling resentful and secretly resistant which is precisely what they fear the most

you will notice that the group they lead is not very well organized since everything must flow through them this leads to chaos and political infighting as the cers struggle to get closer to the king who controls everything hyper perfectionists will often have health problems as they work themselves to the Bone they like to blame others for everything that goes wrong nobody is working hard enough they have patterns of initial success followed by burnout and spectacular failures it is best to recognize the type before getting in mesed on any level they cannot be satisfied by anything

you do and will chew you up slowly with their anxieties abusiveness and desire to control the Relentless Rebel at first glance such people can seem quite exciting they hate Authority and love the underdog almost all of us are secretly attracted to such an attitude it appeals to the Adolescent within us the desire to snub our nose at the teacher they don't recognize rules or precedents following conventions is for those who are weak and stagy these types will often have aiding sense of humor which they might turn on you but that is part of their authenticity

the need to deflate everyone or so you think but if you happen to associate with this tag more closely you will see that it is something they cannot control it is a compulsion to feel Superior not some higher moral quality in their childhood a parent or father figure probably disappointed them they came to mistrust and hate all those in power in the end they cannot accept any criticism from others because that reeks of authority they cannot ever be told what to do everything must be on their terms if you cross them in some way you

will be painted as the oppressor and be the brunt of their vicious humor they gain attention with this rebble pose and soon become addicted to the attention in the end it is all about power no one shall be above them and anyone who dares will pay the price look at their past history they will tend to split with people on very bad terms made worse by their insults do not be lured in by the hipness of their Rebel pose such types are eternally locked in adolescence and to try work with them will prove as productive

as trying to lock horns with a suen teenager the person analyzer these people seem so sensitive and thoughtful a rare and nice quality they might seem a little sad but sensitive people can have it rough in life you are often drawn in by this air of theirs and want to help also they can appear quite intelligent considerate and good to work with what you come to realize later on is that their sensitivity really only goes in One Direction inward they are prone to take everything that people say or do as personal they tend to brood

over things for days long after you have forgotten some innocuous comment that they have taken personally as children they had a gwing feeling that they never got enough from their parents love attention material possessions as they get older everything tends to remind them of what they didn't get they go through life resenting this and wanting others to give them things without they having to ask they are constantly on guard are you paying them attention do you respect them are you giv giving them what they paid for being somewhat irritable and touchy they inevitably push people

away which makes them even more sensitive at some point they start to have a look of Perpetual disappointment you will see in their life a pattern of many falling outs with people but they will always see themselves as the wrong party do not ever inadvertently insult such a type they have a long memory and can spend years getting back at you if you can recognize the type early enough it's better to avoid them as they will inevitably make you feel guilty for something the drama magnet they will draw you in with their exciting presence they

have unusual energy and stories to tell their features are animated and they can be quite witty they are fun to be around until the drama turns ugly as children they learned that the only way to get love and attention that lasted was to inmes their parents in their troubles and problems which had to be large enough to engage the parents emotionally over time this became a habit their way of feeling alive and wanted most people shrink from any kind of Confrontation but they seem to live for it as you get to know them better you

hear more stories of bickering and battles in their life but they manage to always position themselves as the victim you must realize that their greatest need is to get their hooks into you by any means possible they will embroil you in their drama to the point that you will feel guilty for disengaging it is best to recognize them as early as possible before you become in mesed and dragged down examine their past for evidence of the pattern and run for the hills if you suspect you are dealing with such a type the big talker you

are impressed by their ideas the projects that they are thinking about they need help they need backers and you are sympathetic but step back for a moment and examine their record for signs of past achievements or anything tangible you might be dealing with a typ that is not overly dangerous but can prove maddening and waste your valuable time in essence these people are ambivalent on the one hand they are secretly afraid of the effort and responsibility that go with translating their ideas into action on the other hand they crave attention and power the two sides

go to war within them but the anxious part inevitably wins out and they slip away at the last moment they come up with some reason for getting out of it after you have committed to them they themselves never finish anything in the end they tend to blame others for not realizing their Visions Society nebulous antagonistic forces or bad luck or they try to find a sucker who will do all of the hard work in bringing to life their vague idea but who will take the blame if it all goes wrong often such people had parents

who were inconsistent would turn on them suddenly for the smallest misdeed consequently their goal in life is to avoid situations and in which they might open themselves up to criticism and judgment they handle this by learning to talk well and impressing people with stories but running away when called to account always with an excuse look carefully at their past for signs of this and if they seem the type be amused by their stories but take it no further by their stories but take it no further by their stories but tiet no further by their stories

but ticket no further by their stories but ticket no further by their stories but take it no the sexualizer they seem charged with sexual energy in a way that is refreshingly unrepressed they have a tendency to mix work with pleasure to blur the usual boundaries for when it is appropriate to use this energy and you might imagine that this is healthy and natural but in truth it is compulsive and comes from a dark place in their earliest years such people probably suffered sexual abuse in some way this could have been directly physical or something more

psychological which the parent expressed through looks and touching that was subtle but inappropriate a pattern is deeply set from within and cannot be controlled they will tend to see every relationship as potentially sexual sex becomes a means of self validation and when they are young such types can lead an exciting promiscuous life as they will tend to find people to fall under their spell but as they get older any long periods without this validation can lead to depression and suicide so they become more desperate if they occupy positions of leadership they will use their power

to get what they want all under the guise of being natural and unrepressed the older they get the more pathetic and frightening this becomes you cannot help or save them from their compulsion only save yourself from entanglement with them on any level the Pampered prince princess they will draw you in with their Regal Air they are calm and ever so slightly imbued with a feeling of of superiority it is Pleasant to meet people who appear confident and destined to wear a crown slowly you might find yourself doing favors for them working extra hard for no

pay and not really understanding how or why somehow they express the need to be taken care of and they are Masters at getting others to pamper them in childhood their parents indulged them in their slightest whim and protected them from any kind of harsh intrusion from the outside world there are also some children who incite this behavior in their parents by acting especially helpless whatever the cause as adults their greatest desire is to replicate this early pampering it remains their Lost Paradise you will notice often that when they don't get what they want they display

baby-like Behavior pouting or even Tantrums this is certainly the pattern for all of their intimate relationships and unless you have a deep need to pamper others you will find the relationship maning always on their term they are not equipped to handle the harsh aspects of adult life and either manipulate a person into the pampering role or resort to drinking in drugs to soo themselves if you feel guilty for not helping them it means you are hooked and should look to take care of yourself instead the pleaser you have never met anyone so nice and considerate

you almost can't believe how accommodating and Charming they are then slowly you begin to have some doubts but nothing you can put your finger on perhaps they don't show up as promised or don't do a job so well it is subtle the further this goes however the more it seems like they are sabotaging you or talking behind your back these types are consumate corders and they have developed their niess not out of a genuine affection for their fellow humans but as a defense mechanism perhaps they had harsh and punishing parents who scrutinized their every action

smiling and a differential front was their way of deflecting any form of hostility and it becomes their pattern for life they also probably resorted to lying to their parents and they are generally practiced and expert Liars just as when they were children behind the smiles and flattery is a great deal of resentment at the role they have to play they secretly earn to harm or steal from the person they serve or defer to you must be on your guard with people who actively exert so much charm and politeness past the point of what is natural

they can turn out to be quite passive aggressive particularly hitting you when your guard is down the Savior you cannot believe your good luck you have met someone who will save you from your difficulties and troubles somehow they recognized your need for help and here they are with books to read strategies to employ the right foods to eat in the beginning it is all quite seductive but your doubts begin the moment you want to assert your Independence and do things on your own in childhood these types often had to to become the caregivers of their

own mother father or siblings the mother for instance made her own needs the primary concern of the family such children compensate for the lack of care that they receive with the feeling of power that they derive from the inverted relationship this sets a pattern they gain their greatest satisfaction from rescuing people from being the caregiver and savior they have a nose for those in possible need of salvation but you can detect the compuls aspect of this Behavior by their need to control you if they are willing to let you stand on your own two feet

after some initial help then they are truly Noble if not it is really about the power they can exercise in any event it is always best to cultivate self-reliance and tell saviors to save themselves the easy moralizer they communicate a sense of outrage at this bit of Injustice or that and they are quite eloquent with such conviction they find followers including you but sometimes you detect cracks in their righteous veneer they don't treat their employees so well they are condescending to their spouse they may have a secret life or vice you catch glimpses of as

children they were often made to feel guilty for their own strong impulses and desires for pleasure they were punished and tried to repress these impulses because of this they develop some self-loathing and are quick to project negative qualities onto others or look enviously people who are not so repressed they don't like other people enjoying themselves instead of expressing their Envy they choose to judge and condemn you will notice in the adult version a complete lack of nuance people are good or evil no middle ground they are in fact at war with human nature and capable

of coming to terms with our less than perfect traits their morality is as easy and compulsive as drinking or gambling and it requires no sacrifice on their part just a lot of noble words they thrive in a culture of political correctness in truth they are secretly drawn toward what they condemn which is why they will inevitably have a secret side you will certainly be the target of their Inquisition at some point if you get too close to them notice their lack of empathy early on and keep your distance the superior character this law is simple

and inexurable you have a set character it was formed out of elements that predate your conscious awareness from deep within you this character compels you to repeat certain actions strategies and decisions the brain is structured to facilitate this once you think and take a particular action a neural pathway is formed that leads you to do it again and again and in relation to this law you can go in one of two directions each one determining more or less the course of your life the first direction is ignorance and denial you don't take notice of the

patterns in your life you don't accept the idea that your earliest years left a deep and Lasting imprint that compels you to behave in certain ways you imagine that your character is completely plastic and that you can recreate yourself at will you can follow the same path to power and fame as someone else even though they come from very different circumstances the concept of a set character can seem like a prison and many people secretly want to be taken outside themselves through drugs alcohol or video games the result of such denial is simple the compulsive

Behavior and the patterns become even more set into place you cannot move against the grain of your character or wish it away it is too powerful this was precisely the problem for Howard Hughes he imagined himself a great businessman establishing an Empire that would outdo his fathers but by his nature he was not a good manager of people his real strength was more more technical he had a great feel for the design and Engineering aspects of airplane production if he had known and accepted this he could have carved out a brilliant career as the Visionary

behind his own Aircraft company and left the day-to-day operations to someone truly capable but he lived with an image of himself that did not correlate with his character this led to a pattern of failures and a miserable life the other direction is harder to take but it is the only path that leads to True power power and the formation of a superior character it works in the following manner you examine yourself as thoroughly as possible you look at the deepest layers of your character determining whether you are an introvert or extrovert whether you tend to

be governed by high levels of anxiety and sensitivity or hostility and anger or a profound need to engage with people you look at your Primal inclinations those subjects and activities you are naturally drawn to you examine the quality of attachments you formed with your parents looking at your current relationships as the best sign of this you look with rigorous honesty at your own mistakes and the patterns that continually hold you back you know your limitations those situations in which you do not do your best you also become aware of the natural strengths in your character

that have survived past adolescence now with this awareness you are no longer the captive of your character compelled to endlessly repeat the same strategies and mistakes as you see yourself falling into one of your usual patterns you can catch yourself in time and step back you may not be able to completely eliminate such patterns but with practice you can mitigate their effects knowing your limitations you will not try your hand at things for which you have no capacity or inclination instead you will choose career paths that suit you and mesh with your character in general

you accept and embrace your character your desire desire is not to become someone else but to be more thoroughly yourself realizing your true potential you see your character as the clave that you will work with slowly transforming your very weaknesses into strengths you do not run away from your flaws but rather see them as a true source of power look at the career of the actress Johan Crawford her earliest years would seem to Mark her as someone extremely unlikely to make it in life she never knew her father who abandoned the family shortly after after

her birth she grew up in poverty her mother actively disliked Joan and constantly beat her as a child she learned that the stepfather she adored was not really her father and shortly thereafter he too abandoned the family her childhood was an endless series of punishments betrayals and abandonments which scarred her for life as she began her career as a film actress at a very young age she examined herself and her flaws with ruthless objectivity she was hypers sensitive and fragile she had a lot of pain and sadness she could not get rid of or disguise

she wanted desperately to be loved she had a continual need for a father figure such insecurities could easily be the death of someone in a place as ruthless as Hollywood instead through much introspection and work she managed to transform these very weaknesses into the pillars of her highly successful career she decided for instance to bring her own feelings of sadness and betray into all of the different roles she played making women around the world identify with her she was unlike so many of the other actresses who were so falsely cheerful and superficial she directed her

desperate need to be loved toward the camera itself and audiences could feel it the film directors became father figures whom she adored and treated with extreme respect and her most pronounced quality her hypers sensitivity she turned outward instead of inward she developed intensely fine and Tiny tuned to the likes and dislikes of the directors she worked with without looking at them or hearing a word they said she could sense their displeasure with her acting asked the right questions and quickly incorporate their criticisms she was a director's dream she coupled all of this with her Fierce

willpower forging a career that spanned over 40 years something unheard of for an actress in Hollywood this is the alchemy that you must use on yourself if you are a hyper perfectionist who likes to control everything you must redirect this energy into some productive work instead of using it on people your attention to detail and high standards are positive if you Channel them correctly if you are a pleaser you have developed cordier skills and real charm if you can see the source of this trait you can control the compulsive and defensive aspect of it and

use it as a genuine social skill that can bring you great power if you are highly sensitive and prone to take things personally you can work to redirect this into active empathy and transform this flaw into an asset to use for positive social purposes if you have a rebellious character you have a natural dislike of conventions and the usual ways of doing things Channel this into some kind of innovative work instead of compulsively insulting and alienating people for each weakness there is a corresponding strength finally you need to also refine or cultivate those traits that

go into a strong character resilience Under Pressure attention to detail the ability to complete things to work with a team to be tolerant of people's differences the only way to do so is to work on your habits which go into the slow formation of your character for instance you train yourself to not react in the Moment by repeatedly placing yourself in stressful or adverse situations in order to get used to them in boring everyday tasks you cultivate greater patience and attention to detail you deliberately take on tasks slightly above your level in completing them you

have to work harder helping you establish more discipline and better work habits you train yourself to continually think of what is best for the team you also search out others who display a strong character and associate with them as much as possible in this way you can assimilate their energy and their habits and to develop some flexibility in your character always a sign of strength you occasionally Shake yourself up trying out some new strategy or way of thinking doing the opposite of what you would normally do with such work you will no longer be a

slave to the character created by your earliest years and the compulsive Behavior it leads to even further you can now actively shape your very character and the Fate that goes with it in anything it is a mistake to think one can perform an action or behave in a certain way once and no more the mistake of those who say let us slave away and and save every penny till we are 30 then we will enjoy ourselves at 30 they will have a bent for avarice and hard work and will never enjoy themselves anymore what one

does one will do again indeed is probably already done in the distant past the agonizing thing in life is that it is our own decisions that throw us into this rut under the wheels that crush us a decision and action are infallible moments of what we shall do another time not for any vague Mystic astrological reason but because they result from an automatic reaction that will repeat itself by chisar pis five become an elusive object of Desire the law of covetousness absence and presence have very Primal effects upon us too much presence suffocates a degree

of absence Spurs our interest we are marked by the continual desire to possess what we do not have the object projected by our fantasies learn to create some mystery around you to use strategic absence to make people desire your return to want to possess you dangle in front of others what they are missing most in life what they are forbidden to have and they will go crazy with desire the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence overcome this weakness in yourself by embracing your circumstances your fate the object of desire in

1895 11-year-old Gabrielle Chanel Sat by her mother's bedside for several days and watched her slowly die from tuberculos at the age of 33 Gabriel's life had been hard but now it could only get worse she and her siblings had grown up in poverty shuttled from one relative's house to another their father was an itinerate Peddler of goods who hated any kind of ties or responsibility and was rarely at home their mother who often accompanied her husband on the road was the only comforting force in their lives as Gabrielle had feared a few days after the

mother's death her father showed showed up and deposited Gabrielle and her two sisters at a Convent in central France he promised to return for them quite soon but they would never see him again the nuns at the convent housed in a former medieval Monastery took in all sorts of girls to care for mostly orphans they enforced strict discipline within the somber walls of the monastery which was sparsely decorated the girls were to live a life of austerity and spiritual practice they each had only two dresses they could wear both alike and formless luxuries were forbidden

the only music was church music the food was exceptionally plain in her first few months there Gabrielle tried to accommodate herself to this new world but she felt impossibly Restless one day she discovered a series of romance novels that somehow had been smuggled into the convent and soon they became her only salvation they were written by Pierre de corsel and almost all of them involved A Cinderella likee Story a young girl growing up in poverty shunned and despised suddenly finds herself whisked into a world of wealth through some clever plot twist Gabrielle could completely identify

with the protagonists and she particularly loved the endless descriptions of the dresses that the heroins would wear the world of palaces and Chateau seemed so very far away from her but in those moments in which she drifted through novel after novel she could feel herself participating in the pl and it gave her an overwhelming desire to make it come to life even though it was forbidden for her to want such things and seemingly impossible to ever have them at the age of 18 she left the convent for a boarding school also run by nuns this

she was trained for a career as a sinstress the school was in a small town and as she explored it she quickly discovered a new passion to pursue the theater she loved everything about it the costumes the sets the performers and makeup it was a world of transformation where somebody could become anybody now all she wanted was to be an actress and make her name in the theater she took the stage named Coco and she tried everything acting singing and dancing she had a lot of energy and Charisma but she realized quickly enough that she

lacked the talent for the kind of success she desired coming to terms with this she soon Hit Upon a new dream many of the actresses who could not make a living from their work had become cortis who were supported by wealthy lovers such women had enormous wardrobes could go where they pleased and although they were shunned by good Society they were not Shackled with some despotic husband as luck would have it one of the young men who enjoyed her on the stage ATN balson invited her to stay in his nearby Chateau he had inherited a

family fortune and lived a life of total Leisure Gabrielle now known as Coco to one and all accepted the offer The Chateau was filled with cortis who floated in and out from all over Europe some of them were famous they were all beautiful and worldly it was a relatively simple life that centered on riding horses in the country then lavish parties in the evening the class differences were noticeable whenever Aristocrats or important people came to the Chateau women like Coco were to eat with the servants and make themselves scarce with nothing to do in feeling

restless did again she began to analyze herself and the future ahead of her her Ambitions were great but she was always searching for something Beyond her grasp continually dreaming about a future that was just not possible at first it was the Palaces and the romance novels then it was a grand life on the stage becoming another Sarah burnhard now her latest dream was just as absurd the great cortis were all voluptuous beautiful women coko looked more like a boy she had no curves and was not a classic Beauty it was more her presence and energy

that Charmed men but that would not last she always wanted what other people had imagining it contained some hidden treasure even when it came to other women and their boyfriends or husbands her greatest desire was to steal the man away which she had done on several occasions but whenever she got what she wanted including the boyfriend or the life in a chateau she inevitably felt disappointed by the reality it was a mystery what in the end could satisfy her then one day without thinking of what exactly she was up to she wandered into balon's bedroom

and pilfered some of his clothes she started to wear outfits that were totally her own invention his open collared shirts and Tweed coats paired with some of her own clothes all topped with a man's straw boater hat in wearing the clothes she noticed two things she felt an incredible sense of Freedom as she left behind the corsets constricting gowns and fussy headpieces women were wearing and she reveled in the new kind of attention she received the other ctis now watched her with unconcealed Envy they were captivated by this androgynous style these new outfits suited her

figure well and nobody had ever seen a woman dressed quite in this manner balson himself was Charmed he introduced her to his tailor and on her instructions the tailor custom made for her a boy's writing costume with japper she taught herself to ride horses but not Sid saddle like the other women she had always had an athletic bent to her character and within months had become an expert writer now she could be seen everywhere in her strange riding costume as she progressed with this new persona it finally became clear to her the nature of her

vague longings what she wanted was the power and freedom that men possessed which was reflected in the less constricting clothes that they wore and she could sense that the other cortis and women at the Chateau could identify with this it was something in the air a repressed desire she had tapped into within a few weeks several of the cortis began to visit her in her room and try on the straw hats that she had decorated with ribbons and Feathers compared with the elaborate hats that women had to pin on their heads these were simple and

easy to wear the cortis now strolled around town with Chanel's hats on their heads and soon other women in the area were asking where they could buy them balson offered her the use of his apartment in Paris where she could begin to make many more of her hats and perhaps go into business she happily took up the offer soon another man entered her life a wealthy Englishman named Arthur capable who was excited by the novelty of her look and her great Ambitions they became lovers cable started sending his aristocratic lady friends to Coco studio and

soon her hats became a craze along with the hats she began to sell some clothes that she designed all with the same androgynous look that she had worn herself made out of the cheapest jersey fabric but seeming to offer a kind of freedom of movement so different from the prevailing Styles Cel encouraged her to open up a shop in the seaside town of doville where all the fashionable parisians spent their Summers it turned out to be the perfect idea they're in the relatively small town filled with people Watchers and the most fashionable women of all

she could create a sensation she shocked the local by swimming in the ocean women did not do such things and swimming costumes for women were almost non-existent so she created her own out of the same jersey fabric within weeks women were at her store clamoring to buy them she suered through doville wearing her own distinctive outfits androgynous easy to move in and ever so slightly provocative as they hugged the body she became the Talk of the Town women were desperate to find out where she got her wardrobe she kept improvising with men's clothing to create

new looks she took one of kapp's sweaters and cut it open added some buttons and created a modern version of the cardigan for women this now became the rage she cut her own hair to a short length knowing how it suited her face and suddenly this became the new trend sensing momentum she gave her clothes without charge to beautiful and well-connected women all sporting hairstyles similar to her own attending the most L After parties these women all looking like Chanel clones spread the desire for this new style well beyond doville to Paris Itself by 1920

she had become one of the leading fashion designers in the world and the greatest Trends sitter of her time her clothes had come to represent a new kind of woman confident provocative and ever so slightly rebellious although they were cheap to make and still out of Jersey material she sold some of her dresses at extremely high prices and wealthy women were more than willing to pay to share in the Chanel Mystique but quickly her old restlessness returned she wanted something else something larger a faster way to reach women of all classes to realize this dream

she decided upon a most unusual strategy she would create and launch her own perfume at the time it was unusual for a fashion house to Market its own perfume and unheard if to give it so much emphasis but Chanel had a plan this perfume would be as distinctive as her clothes yet more ethereal literally something in the air that would excite men and women and infect them with the desire to possess it to accomplish this she would go in the opposite direction from all the other perfumes out there which were associated with some natural floral

scent instead she wanted to create something that was not identifiable as a particular flower she wanted it to smell like a bouquet of abstract flowers something pleasant but completely novel more than any other perfume it would smell different on each woman to take this further she decided to give it a most unusual name perfumes of the time had very poetic romantic titles instead she would name it after herself attaching a simple number Chanel number five as if it were a scientific concoction she packaged the perfume in a Sleek modernist bottle and added to the label

for new logo of interlocking Seas it looked like nothing else out there to launch the perfume she decided upon a subliminal campaign she began by spraying the scent everywhere in her store in Paris it filled the air women kept asking what it was and she would Fain ignorance she would then slip bottles of the perfume without labels into the bags of her wealthiest and best connected clients soon women began to talk of this strange new scent rather haunting and impossible to identify as any known flower the word of yet another the Chanel creation began to

spread like wildfire and women were soon showing up at her store begging to buy the new scent which she now began to place discreetly on shelves in the first few weeks they could not stock enough nothing like this had ever happened in the industry and it would go on to become the most successful perfume in history making her a fortune over the next two decades the house of Chanel reigned Supreme in the fashion world but during World War II she flirted with Nazism staying in Paris during the nazzi occupation and visibly siding with the occupiers

she had closed her store at the beginning of the war and by the end of the war she had been thoroughly disgraced in the eyes of the French by her political sympathies aware and perhaps ashamed she fled to Switzerland where she would remain in self-imposed Exile by 1953 however she felt the need not only for a comeback but for something even greater although she was now 70 she had become disgusted at the latest trend friends and fashion which she felt had returned to the old constrictions and fussiness of women's clothing that she had sought to

destroy perhaps this also signaled a return to a more subservient role for women to Chanel it would be the ultimate Challenge after some 14 years out of business she was now largely forgotten no one thought of her anymore as a trend sitter she would have to start almost completely over her first move was to encourage rumors that she was planning a return but she gave no interviews she wanted to stimulate talk and excitement but surround herself with mystery her new show debuted in 1954 and an enormous crowd filled her stores to watch it mostly out

of curiosity almost immediately there was a sense of disappointment the clothes were mostly a rehash of her 1930 styles with a few new touches the models were all Chanel lookalikes and mimicked her way of walking to the audience Chanel seemed a woman hopelessly locked in a past that would never return the clothes seemed p and the press pillared her dredging up at the same time her Nazi associations during the war for almost any designer this would have been a devastating blow but she appeared remarkably unfazed by it all as always she had a plan and

she knew better she had decided Well before the debut in Paris that the United States was to be the target of this new line of clothes American women reflected her sensibility best of all athletic into ease of movement and unfussy Silhouettes imminently practical and they had more money to spend than anyone else in the world sure enough the new line created a sensation in the states soon the French began to tone down their criticisms within a year of her return she had reestablished herself as the most important designer in the world and Fashions now return

to the simpler and more classical shapes she had always promoted noted when Jacqueline Kennedy began to wear her suits in many of her public appearances it was the most apparent symbol of the power Chanel had reclaimed as she resumed her place at the top she revealed another practice that was so against the times and the industry piracy was a great problem in fashion as knockoffs of established designs would appear all over the world after a show designers carefully guarded all of their secrets and fought through the courts any form of imitation Nelle did the opposite

she welcomed all sorts of people into her shows and allowed them to take photographs she knew this would only encourage the many people who made a living out of creating cheap versions of her clothes but she wanted this she even invited wealthy women to bring along their seamstresses who would make sketches of the designs and then create replicas of them more than making money what she wanted most of all was to spread her Fashions everywhere to feel herself and her work to be objects of Desire by women of all classes and Nations it would be

the ultimate revenge for the girl who had grown up ignored unloved and shunned she would clothe millions of women her look her imprint would be seen everywhere as indeed it was a few years after her comeback interpretation the moment Chanel tried on ATN balon's clothes and elicited a new kind of attention something clicked in her brain that would forever change the course of her life prior to this she was all always coveting something transgressive that stimulated her fantasies it was not socially acceptable for a lowly orphan girl to Aspire to mingle with the upper classes

actress and cortisen were not suitable roles to pursue especially for someone raised in a Convent now as she rode around the Chateau in her Jers and bod her hat she was suddenly the object that other people coveted and they were drawn to the transgressive aspect of her clothing the deliberate flouting of gender roles instead of being locked in her imaginary world full of dreams and Fantasies she could be the one stimulating such fantasies in other people all that was required was to reverse her perspective to think of the audience first and to strategize how to

play on their imagination the objects she had desired since childhood were all somewhat vague Elusive and taboo that was their Allure that is the nature of human desire she simply had to turn this around and incorporate such elements into the objects she created this is how she performed such Magic first she surrounded herself and what she made with an aura of mystery she never talked about her impoverished childhood she made up countless contradictory stories about her past nobody really knew anything concrete about her she carefully controlled the number of her public appearances and she knew

the value of Disappearing for a while she never revealed the recipe for her perfume or her creative process in general her oddly compelling logo was designed to stimulate interpretations all of this gave endless space for the public to imagine and speculate about the Coco myth second she always Associated her designs with something vaguely transgressive the clothes had a distinct masculine Edge but remained decidedly feminine they gave women the sense that they were crossing some gender boundaries physically and psychologically loosening constrictions the clothes also conformed more to the body combining freedom of movement with sex these

were not your mother's clothes to where the overall Chanel look was to make a statement about Youth and modernity once this took hold it was hard for young women to resist the call finally from the beginning she made sure her clothes were seen everywhere observing other women wearing such clothes stimulated competitive desires to have the same and not be left out Koko remembered How Deeply she had desired men who were already taken they were desirable because someone else desired them such competitive impulses are powerful in all of us and certainly among women in truth the

Boer hats she originally designed were nothing more than common objects anyone could buy in a department store the clothes she first designed were made out of the cheapest materials the perfume was a mix of ordinary flowers such as Jasmine and chemicals nothing exotic or special it was pure psychological magic that transformed them into objects that stimulated such intense desires to possess them understand just like Chanel you need to reverse your perspective instead of focusing on what you want and covet in the world you must train yourself to focus on others on their repressed desires and

unmet Fantasies you must train yourself to see how they perceive you and the objects you make as if you were looking at yourself and your work from the outside this will give you the almost Limitless power to shape people's perceptions about these objects and excite them people do not want truth and honesty no matter how much we hear such nonsense endlessly repeated they want their imaginations to be stimulated and to be taken beyond their Bal circumstances they want fantasy and objects of desire to covet and grope after create an air of mystery around you and

your work associated with something new unfamiliar EXO Progressive and taboo do not Define your message but leave it vague create an illusion of ubiquity your object is seen everywhere and desired by others then let the covetousness so latent in all humans do the rest setting off a chain reaction of Desire At Last I have what I wanted am I happy not really but what's missing my soul no longer has that peakant activity conferred by desire oh we shouldn't delude ourselves pleasure isn't in the Fulfillment but in the pursuit by Pierre Austine Karen deomar sh keys

to Human Nature by Nature we humans are not easily contented with our circumstances by some perverse Force within us the moment we possess something or get what we want our minds begin to drift towards something new and different to imagine we can have better the more distant and unattainable this new object the greater is our desire to have it we can call this The Grass Is Always Greener syndrome the psychological equivalent of an optical illusion if we get too close to the grass to that new object we see that is not really so green after

all this Syndrome has very deep roots in our nature the earliest recorded example can be found in the Old Testament in the story of The Exodus from Egypt chosen by God to bring the Hebrews to the promised land Moses LED them into the Wilderness where they would wander for 40 years in each Egypt the Hebrews had served as slaves and their lives had been difficult once they suffered hardships in the desert however they suddenly grew nostalgic for their previous life facing starvation God provided them with Mana from heaven but they could only compare it unfavorably

to the delicious melons and cucumbers and meats they had known in Egypt not sufficiently excited by God's other Miracles they decided to forge and worship a golden calf but once Moses punished them for this they quickly dropped their interest in this new Idol all along the way they gped and complained giving Moses endless headaches the men lusted after foreign women the people kept looking for some new cult to follow God himself was so irritated by their endless discontent that he barred this entire generation including Moses from ever entering the promised land but even after the

Next Generation established itself in the land of milk and honey the grumbling continued unabated whatever they had they dreamed of something better Over the Horizon closer to home we can see this syndrome at work in our daily lives we continually look at other people who seem to have it better than us their parents were more loving their careers more exciting their lives easier we may be in a perfectly satisfying relationship but our minds continually wander toward a new person someone who doesn't have the very real flaws of our partner or so we think we dream

of being taken out of our boring life by traveling to some culture that is exotic and where people are just happier than in the grimy City where we live the moment we have a job we imagine something better on a political level our government is corrupt and we need some real change perhaps a revolution in this revolution we imagine a veritable Utopia that replaces the imperfect world we live in we don't think of the vast majority of Revolutions in history in which the results were more of the same or something worse in all these cases

es if we got closer to the people we Envy to that supposed happy family to the other man or woman we covet to the Exotic natives in a culture we wish to know to that better job to that Utopia we would see through the illusion and often when we act on these desires we realize this in our disappointment but it doesn't change our Behavior the next object glittering in the distance the next exitic cult or didr quick scheme will inevitably seduce us one of the most striking examples of this syndrome is the view we take

of our childhood as it recedes into the past most of us remember a golden time of play and excitement as we get older it becomes even more golden in our memory of course we conveniently forget the anxieties insecurities and hurts that plagued Us in childhood and more than likely consumed more of our mental space than the fleeting Pleasures we remember but because our youth is an object that grows more distant as we age we are able to idealize it and see it as greener than green such a syndrome can be explained by three qualities of

the human brain the first is known as induction how something positive generates a contrasting negative image in our mind this is most obvious in our visual system when we see some color red or black for instance it tends to intensify our perception of the opposite color around us in this case green or white as we look at the red object we often can see a green Halo forming around it in general the Mind operates by contrasts we are able to formulate Concepts about something by becoming aware of its opposite the brain is continually dredging up

these contrasts what this means is that whenever we see or imagine something our minds cannot help but see or imagine the opposite if we are forbidden by our culture to think a particular thought or entertain a particular desire that taboo instantly brings to mind the very thing we are are forbidden every no sparks a corresponding yes we cannot control this vacillation in the mind between contrasts this predisposes us to think about and then desire exactly what we do not have second complacency would be a dangerous evolutionary trait for a conscious animals such as humans if

our early ancestors had been prone to feeling content with present circumstances they would not have been sensitive enough to possible dangers that lurked in the most apparently safe environments we survived and thrived through our continual conscious alertness which predisposed us to thinking and Imagining the possible negative in any circumstance we no longer live in savanas or forests teeming with life-threatening predators and natural dangers but our brains are wired as if we were we are inclined therefore toward a continual negative bias which often consciously is expressed through complaining and griping finally what is real and what

is imagined are both both experienced similarly in the brain this has been demonstrated through various experiments in which subjects who imagine something produce electrical and chemical activity in their brains that is remarkably similar to when they actually live out what they are imagining all of this shown through functional magnetic resonance imaging reality can be quite harsh and is full of limits and problems we all must die every day we get older and less strong to become successful requires sacri rice and hard work but in our imagination we can Voyage Beyond these limits and entertain all

kinds of possibilities our imagination is essentially Limitless and what we imagine is almost the force of what we actually experience and so we become creatures who are continually prone to imagining something better than present circumstances and feeling some pleasure in the release from reality that our imagination brings us all of this makes the grasses Always Greener syndrome inevitably in our psychological makeup we should not moralize or complain about this possible flaw in human nature it is a part of the mental life of each one of us and it has many benefits it is the source

of our ability to think of new possibilities and innovate it is what has made our imagination such a powerful instrument and on the flip side it is the material out of which we can move excite and seduce people knowing how to work on people's natural covetousness is a timeless Arc that we depend on for all forms of persuasion the problem we face today is OT that people have suddenly stopped coveting but quite the opposite that we are losing our connection to this art and the power that goes with it we see evidence of this in

our culture we live in an age of bombardment and saturation advertisers blanket us with their messages and brand presence directing us here or there to click and buy movies bludging us over the head attacking our senses politicians are Masters at stirring up and exploiting our discontent with present circumstances but they have no sense of how to spark our imagination about the future in all of these cases subtlety is sacrificed and all of this has an overall hardening effect on our imaginations which secretly crave something else we see evidence of this in personal relationships as well

more and more people have come to believe that others should simply desire them for who they are this means revealing as much as they can about themselves exposing all of their likes and dislikes and making themselves as familiar as possible they leave no room for imagination or fantasy and when the man or woman they want loses interest in them they go online to rant at the superficiality of men or the fecklessness of women increasingly self-absorbed we find it harder than ever to get into the psychology of the other person to imagine what they want from

us instead of what we want from them understand people May point to all of this as evidence that we humans are becoming more honest and truthful but human nature does not change within a few Generations people have become more obvious and forthright not out of some deep moral calling but out of increasing self-absorption and overall laziness it requires no effort to Simply Be oneself or to blast one's message and the lack of effort simply results in a lack of effect on other people's psychology it means that people's interest in you will be paper in their

attention will quickly move on and you will not see the reason for this do not swallow the easy moralism of the day which urges honesty at the expense of desirability go in the opposite direction with so few people out there who understand the art of desirability it affords you endless opportunities to shine and exploit people's repressed fantasies exploit people's repressed fantasies exploit people's repressed fantasies exploit people's repressed fantasies exploit people's repressed fantasies exploit people's repressed strategies for stimulating desire the key to making this law work for you is to objectify yourself and what you produce

normally you are locked in your own thoughts and dreams you imagine people should love and respect you for who you are you believe that what you produced should naturally excite people after all you have invested a lot of effort and have high hopes for success but others see none of this to them you are just a person among others and as a person you inspire either curiosity and excitement or indifference and even hostility they project onto you their own fantasies and preconceptions once made public your work is also an object completely divorced from your own

hopes and dreams and it inspires emotions that are weak or strong to the degree that you can see yourself and what you produce as objects that people people perceive in their own manner you have the power to alter their perceptions and create objects of Desire the following are the three main strategies for creating such objects know how and when to withdraw this is the essence of the art you have a presence that people see and interpret if you are too obvious with this if people can read you too easily and figure you out if you

show your needs too visibly then they will unconsciously begin to have a degree of disrespect over time they will lose interest your presence must have a touch of coldness to it as if you feel like you could do without others this signals to people that you consider yourself worthy of respect which unconsciously heightens your value in their eyes it makes people want to chase after you this touch of coldness is the first form of withdrawal that you must practice add to this a bit of blankness and ambiguity as to who you are your opinions values

and tastes are never too OB obvious to people this gives them room to read into you what they want movie stars are masters of this they turn their faces and their presence into screens upon which people can project their own fantasies what you want in general is to create an air of mystery and to attract interpretations once you sense that you have engaged people's imagination that you have your hooks in them then you must use physical absence and withdrawal you are not so available a day or week can go by without your presence you create

a feeling of emptiness inside them A Touch of pain you occupy increasing amounts of their mental space in these absences they come to want more of you not less the musician Michael Jackson played this game to Perfection on the social level he was deeply aware of the dangers of saturating the market with his music and public appearances he spread out the releases of his albums making the public hungry for more he carefully managed the frequency of his interviews and performances and never talked about the meaning of his lyrics or propagated any overt message he occasionally

had his publicists leak to the Press some new stories surrounding him such as his use of hyperbaric chambers as a way to maintain Eternal youthfulness he would neither confirm nor deny these stories and the Press would run wild he was someone who sparked stories and rumors but nothing concrete through this strategic elusiveness he made himself an object of continual desire both to know him better and to possess his music with the work you produce you can create similar Covetous effects always leave the presentation and the message relatively open-ended people can read into your work several

interpretations never Define exactly how they should take or use it this is why the work of great dramatists such as Shakespeare and czechav has lasted for so many centuries and always seem so fresh and exciting each generation can read into their plays what they want to these writers describe Timeless elements of human nature but without judging or directing the audience to what they should feel or think take that as the model for whatever you produce keep in mind the following the more active our imagination becomes the greater the pleasure we derive from it when we

were children if we were given a game with explicit instructions and rules we quickly lost interest but if the game was something we invented or was Loosely structured allowing us to inject our own ideas and Fantasies we could sustain our interest for much longer when we view an abstract painting that evokes dreams or fantasies or see a film that is not easily interpreted or hear a joke or advertisement that is ambiguous we are the ones who do the interpreting and we find it exciting to be able to exercise our imagination in this way through your

work you want to stimulate this pleasure for people to the maximum degree create rivalries of Desire human desire is never an individual phenomenon we are social creatures and what we want almost always reflects what other people want this stems from our earliest years we saw the attention that our parents could give us as a zero sum game if our siblings received a lot of attention then there would be less for us we had to compete with them and with others to get attention and affection when we saw our siblings or friends receive something a gift

or a favor it sparked a competitive desire to have the same thing if some object or person was not desired by others we tended to see it as something indifferent or distasteful there must be something wrong with it this becomes a lifelong pattern for some it is more overt in relationships they are interested only in men or women who are already taken who are clearly desired by a third party the desire is to take away this loved object to Triumph over the other person a dynamic that most certainly has roots in their childhood if other

people are making money through some new gimmick they want not only to participate but to Corner the market for others it is subtler they see people possessing something that seems exciting and their desire is not to take but to share and participate in the experience in either direction when we see people with things desired by others it drives up their value you must learn how to exploit this if you can somehow create the impression that others desire you or your work you will pull people into your current without having to say a word or impose

yourself they will come to you you must strive to surround yourself with this social aura or at least create the illusion you can create this effect in several ways you manage it so that your object is seen or heard everywhere even encouraging piracy if necessary as Chanel did you don't directly intervene this will inevitably spark some kind of viral pull you can speed up this process by feeding rumors or stories about the object through various media people will begin to talk and the word of mouth will spread the effect even negative comments or controversy will

do the trick sometimes even better than praise it will give your object a provocative and transgressive Edge anyway people are drawn toward the negative your silence or lack of overt direction of the message message will allow people to run wild with their own stories and interpretations you can also get important people or taste makers to talk about it and fan the Flames what you are offering they say is new revolutionary something not seen or heard of before you are trafficking in the future in trans at a certain point enough people will feel the pull and

will not want to be left out which will pull in others the only problem in this game is that in the world today you have much competition for these viral effects and the public is incredibly fickle you must be a master not only at setting off these chain reactions but at renewing them or creating new ones as an individual you must make it clear that people desire you that you have a past not too much of a past to inspire mistrust but enough to signal that others have found you desirable you want to be indirect

in this you want them to hear stories of your past you want them to literally see the attention you receive from men or women all of this without you're saying a word any bragging or explicit signaling of this will neutralize the effect in any negotiating situation you must always strive to bring in a third or fourth party to V for your services creating a rivalry of Desire this will immediately enhance your value not just in terms of a bidding war but also in the fact that people will see that others covet you use induction we

may think we live in a time of great Freedom compared with the past but in fact we live in a world that is more regulated than ever before our every move is followed digitally there are more laws than ever governing all aspects of human behavior political correctness which has always existed can be more intense because of how visible we have become on social media secretly most of us feel bothered or crushed by all of these constraints on our physical and mental Movement we yearn for what is transgressive and beyond the limits that are set for

us we can easily be pulled toward that repressed no or yes you want to associate your object with something ever so slightly illicit unconventional or politically Advanced Chanel did this with her overt androgynous appeal and flouting of gender roles the fight between Generations is always right material for this what you offer is in bold contrast to the stagi previous generation John F Kennedy did this by by setting himself off against the 1950s and the Eisenhower era a time of stultifying Conformity by contrast voting for immid youth Vigor and a lost masculinity in essence he played

to the secret resentment of the Father Figure and the transgressive desire to get rid of him this desire is always tacitly out there among the young and it always has a taboo element attached one elicit desire that almost all people share is voyerism to Peak inside the private lives of others violate strict social taboos on privacy and yet everyone feels the pull to see what is going on behind people's doors theater and film depend upon these vois desires they put us inside people's rooms and we experienced this almost as if we were literally spying on

people you can incorporate this into your work by giving the impression you are revealing secrets that should really not be shared some will be outraged but everyone will be curious these could be secrets about yourself and how you accomplished what you did or it could be about others what happens behind the closed doors of powerful people and the laws that they operate by in any event what you offer should be new unfamiliar and exotic or at least presented as such the contrast to what is out there so numbingly conventional will create a Covetous pool finally

dangle in front of people the prospect of grasping the unattainable or the impossible life is full of all kinds of irritating limits and difficulties to become wealthy or successful requires great effort we are locked inside our own character and cannot become someone else we cannot recover our lost youth or the health that went with it every day brings us closer to death the ultimate limit your object however offers the fantasy of a quick path to wealth and success of recovering lost youth of becoming a new person and even of conquering death itself people will grasp

greedily at such things because they are considered So Impossible by the law of induction we can imagine all of these shortcuts and Fantasies which gives us the desire to reach them and imagining them is almost like experiencing them remember it is not possession but desire that secretly impels people to possess something inevitably brings about some disappointment and Sparks the desire for something new to pursue you are praying upon the human need for fantasies and the pleasures of chasing after them in this sense your efforts must be continually renewed once people get what they want or

possess you your value and their respect for you immediately begin to lower keep withdrawing surprising and stimulating the chase as long as you do you have the power the Supreme desire our path must always be toward greater awareness of our nature we must see within ourselves The Grass Is Always Greener syndrome and work and how it continually impels us to certain actions we need to be able to distinguish between what is positive and productive in our Covetous Tendencies and what is negative and counterproductive on the positive side feeling restless and discontented can motivate us to

search for something better and to not settle for what we have it enlarges our imagination as we consider other possibilities instead of the circumstances we face as we get older we tend to become more complacent and renewing the restlessness of our earlier years can keep us youthful and our minds active this restlessness however must be under conscious control often our discontent is merely chronic our desire for change is vague and a reflection of our boredom this leads to a waste of precious time we are unhappy with the way our career is going and so we

make a big change which requires learning new skills and acquiring new contacts we enjoy the newness of it all but several years later we again feel the stirring of discontent this New Path isn't right either we would have been better off thinking about this more deeply homing in on those aspects of our previous career that did not click and trying for a more gentle change choosing a line of work related to the previous one but requiring an adaptation of our skills with relationships we can spend our life searching for the perfect man or woman and

end up largely alone there is nobody perfect instead it is better to come to terms with the flaws of the other person and accept them or even find some charm in their weaknesses calming down our Covetous desires we can then learn the Arts of compromise and how to make a relationship work which never come easily or naturally instead of constantly chasing after the latest trends and modeling our desires on what others find exciting we should spend our time getting to know our own tastes and desires better so that we can distinguish what is something we

truly need or want from that which has been manufactured by advertisers or viral effects life is short and we have only so much energy led by our Covetous desires we can waste so much time in feudal searches and changes in general do not constantly wait and hope for something better but rather make the most of what you have consider it this way you are embedded in an environment that consists of the people you know and the places you frequent this is your reality your mind is being continually drawn far away from this reality because of

human nature you dream of traveling to exotic places but if you go there you merely drag with you your own discontented frame of mind you search for entertainment that will bring you new fantasies to feed upon you read books filled with ideas that have no relation to your daily life that are full of empty speculations about things that only half exist and none of this turmoil and ceaseless desire for what is most existant ever leads to anything fulfilling it only stirs up more chiras to pursue in the end you cannot escape from yourself on the

other hand reality beckons you to absorb your mind in what is nearest instead of most distant brings a much different feeling with the people in your circle you can always connect on a deeper level there is much you will never know about the people you deal with and this can be a source of endless Fascination you can connect more deeply to your environment the place where you live has a deep history that you can immerse yourself in knowing your environment better will present many opportunities for power as for yourself you have mysterious Corners you can

never fully understand and trying to know yourself better you can take charge of your own nature instead of being a slave to it and your work has endless possibilities for improvement and Innovation endless challenges for the imagination these are the things that are closest to you and compose your real not virtual world in the end what you really must covet is a deeper relationship to reality which will bring you calmness focus and practical powers to alter what it is possible to alter it is advisable to let everyone of your acquaintance whether man or woman feel

now and then that you could very well dispense with their company this will consolidate friendship Nay with most people there will be no harm in occasionally mixing a grain of disdain with your treatment of them that will make them value your friendship all the more but if we really think very highly of a person we should conceal it from him like a crime this is not a very gratifying thing to do but it is right why a dog will not bear being treated too kindly let alone a man by Arthur schopenhauer Six elevate your perspective

the law of shortsightedness it is in the animal part of your nature to be most impressed by what you can see and hear in the present the latest news reports and Trends the opinion opinions and actions of the people around you whatever seems the most dramatic this is what makes you fall for alluring schemes that promise quick results and easy money this is also what makes you overreact to present circumstances becoming overly exhilarated or panicky as events Turn One Direction or the other learn to measure people by the narrowness or breadth of their Vision avoid

entangling yourself with those who cannot see the consequences of their actions who are in a continual reactive mode they will infect you with this energy your eyes must be on the larger trends that govern events on that which is not immediately visible never lose sight of your long-term goals with an elevated perspective you will have the patience and Clarity to reach almost any objective moments of Madness all through the summer and early fall of 1719 the Englishman John blunt one of the lead directors of the south sea company followed the latest news from Paris with

increasing anxiety the French were in the midst of a spectacular economic bone fueled primarily by the success of the Mississippi company an Enterprise started by The Expatriate Scotsman John Law to exploit the riches in the Louisiana territories controlled by the French law sold shares in the company and as its price kept Rising Frenchmen of all classes were cashing out and becoming fabulously wealthy the word millionaire itself was coined in these months to refer to such newvo riches such news made not angry and envious he was a loyal Englishman with the success of the Mississippi company

Paris was drawing an investment capital from all over Europe if this continued France would soon become the finance capital of the world surpassing Amsterdam and London such Newfound power for the French could only spell disaster for England its archin particularly if another war broke out between them more personally blunt was a man of great ambition he was the son of a humble Shoemaker from early on in his life he aimed to ascend to the highest levels of English society his means of getting there he believed would be through the financial Revolution sweeping Europe which centered

on the increasing popularity of joint stock corporations like laws and like the south sea company as opposed to Building Wealth through the traditional means of owning land which was expensive to manage and highly taxable it was relatively easy to earn money through purchasing stock and profits were tax free such Investments were all the rage in London blunt had plans to turn the south sea company into the biggest and most prosperous joint stock company in Europe but John Law had stolen his Thunder with a bold Venture and with the full backing of the French government blunt

would simply have to come up with something bigger and better for his sake and for the future of England the south sea company had been formed in 1710 as an Enterprise that would handle and manage part of the English government's enormous debts an exchange for which the company was to be granted a monopoly on all English trade with South America over the years the company did almost no trading but served as an informal bank for the government through his leadership of the company blunt had forged relationships with the wealthiest and most powerful Englishmen most notably

King George I first himself who became one of its biggest investors and was named governor of the company Blunt's motto in life had always been think big and it had served him well and so as he racked his brain for a way to outdo the French he finally hit upon a scheme in October of 1719 that was worthy of his motto and that he felt certain would change the course of history the greatest problem facing the English government headed by the King was the massive debts it had incurred over the course of 30 years during

the Wars that had been fought with France and Spain all financed through borrowing Blunt's proposal was simple and quite astounding the south sea company would pay the government nice fee in order to completely take over the debt valued at a whopping 31 million the company would then privatize this 31 million pound debt and sell it as if it were a commodity as shares in the south sea company one share equaling 100 lb of debt those who had lent the government money could convert their IUS into equivalent shares in the south sea company the shares that

were left over would be sold to the public the price for one share would start at100 as with any stock the price could rise and fall but in this case if played right the price would only go up the south sea company had an intriguing name and held out the possibility that it would also begin trading in the vast wealth in South America it was also the Patriotic duty of English creditors to participate in the scheme since they would be helping to cancel the debt while potentially making much more money than the annual interest payments

the government paid them if the share price Rose as a it almost certainly would buyers could cash out for a profit and the company could afford to pay nice dividends like magic debt could be transformed into wealth this would be the answer to all of the government's problems and it would assure blunt lasting Fame when King George first heard of Blunt's proposal in November of 1719 he was quite confused he could not understand how such a Negative could be instantly turned into a positive besides this new jargon of Finance went straight over his head but

blunt spoke with such conviction that he found himself swept up in his enthusiasm after all he was promising to solve George's two greatest problems in one Fell Swoop and it was hard to resist such a prospect King George was massively unpopular one of the most unpopular English kings of all time it was not totally his fault he was not English by birth but German his title previously had been the Duke of Brunswick and elector of Han over when Queen and of England died in 1714 George was her closest living Protestant relative but the moment he

ascended the throne his new subjects found him not to their liking he spoke English with a horrific accent and his manners were so course and he was always AVID for more money despite his Advanced age he was constantly chasing after women other than his wife none of whom were particularly attractive in the first years of his Reign there were several coup attempts and the public might have welcomed the change if they had succeeded George desperately wanted to prove to his new subjects that he could be a great king in his own way what he hated

most of all was the crushing debts the government had incurred before he ascended the throne George had an almost allergic reaction to any kind of debt as if his own blood were being leached now here was blunt offering him the chance to cancel the debt and bring prosperity to England strengthening the monarchy in the process it was all almost too good to be true and he threw his full weight behind the proposal he assigned the chancellor of the ex cheer John Alby the task of presenting the proposal to Parliament in January 1720 Parliament would have

to approve it in the form of a bill almost immediately Blunt's proposal stirred up Fierce opposition among several MPS some of whom found it ludicrous but in the weeks after iab's speech opponents of the bill watched in dismay as support for their side slowly withered away Advanced shares in the Venture had been virtually gifted to the wealthiest and most powerful Englishmen including prominent members of parliament who sensing the sure profits they personally would gain now gave their approval to the bill when the bill passed in April of that year King George himself showed up at

the south sea house and deposited 100,000 for shares in the new Venture he wanted to display his confidence in it but such a step was hardly necessary as the buildup to the bills passage had captured the public and interest in south sea company shares had already reached a fever pitch the center of activity was an area of London known as exchange alley Where almost all stocks were sold now the narrow streets in and around the alley were clogged with traffic growing thicker by the day at first it was mostly the wealthy and influential who came

in their fancy coaches to buy up shares among the buyers were also artists and intellectuals including John gay Alexander Pope and Jonathan Swift soon Sir Isaac Newton felt the pole and invested a good chunk of his savings 7,000 a few weeks later however he felt doubt the price was Rising but what Rises can surely fall and so he cashed out doubling his initial investment soon rumors began to circulate that the company was about to initiate trade in South America where all kinds of riches laid buried in the mountains this only added fuel to the fire

and people from all classes began to converge on London to buy up shares in the south sea company blunt it was reported was a financial Alchemist who had found the secret of transforming debt into wealth and the countryside Farmers pulled up from under their beds their life savings and coins and sent their sons and nephews to buy as many shares as possible the fever spread to women of all classes who normally did not dabble in such things now actors were rubbing elbows with duchesses in exchange alley all the while the price kept rising over 300

lb and soon 400 lb like France before it the country was now experiencing a spectacular boom on May 28 the king celebrated his 60th birthday and for someone who had been known for his frugality it was the most lavish party anyone had ever seen with enormous tubs full of Claret and champagne one woman at the party flaunted her new well by encrusting her dress with jewels worth over 5,000 everywhere in London the wealthy were tearing down mansions and replacing them with houses that were even larger and grander porters and footmen were now quitting their jobs

and buying expensive coaches and hiring Porters and footmen of their own one young actress made such a fortune she decided to retire she rented out an entire theater to say goodbye to her adoring fans an aristocratic lady was astonished one evening at the Opera to see that her former made now occupied a more expensive box in the theater than her own Jonathan Swift wrote in a letter to a friend I have inquired of some that have come from London what is the religion there they tell me it is south sea stock what is the policy

of England the answer is the same what is the trade South Sea still and what is the business nothing but South Sea in this midst of this feverish buying and selling spree there stood John blunt at the pump doing whatever he possibly could to stimulate the interest in south sea shares and keep the price Rising he sold the stock in various subscriptions offering generous terms of payment sometimes requiring only a 20% advance to get in for every 400 lb invested blunt would lend 300 lb he wanted to keep up the demand and make people feel

that they might be missing out on their one chance for wealth soon the price had passed 500 and kept on Rising by June 15th he had set the subscription price at an astronomical 1,000 lb with only 10% down to get in and 10% installments spread out over 4 years few could resist such terms that very month King George had blunt knighted now a baronet Sir John blunt stood at the Pinnacle of English society yes he was rather unattractive to look at and he could be quite pompous but he had made so many people so wealthy

that he was now England's most cherished celebrity as the rich and Powerful prepared to leave London for the summer months the mood was downright giddy blunt affected a confident and carefree Heir but underneath it he was beginning to feel worried even panicky there were so many things he had failed to foresee he had inadvertently inspired a rash of new speculative Ventures some involving legitimate ideas and some patently absurd such as the development of a wheel of Perpetual Motion people were now feeling the fever and were pouring some of their money into these new joint stock

companies every one pound of cash that went into these was one one pound less that people had to spend on the south sea company and that was a growing problem since there was only so much cash in England and there were limits to how far he could go by offering credit similarly people were beginning to pour their money into land as a safe investment for the future often cashing out their South SE stock for such purposes blunt himself had been doing that very thing unbeknownst to the public more troubling still the French had lost faith

in the Mississippi Venture and were pulling out their money cash had become scarce and the French economy had now fallen into a sudden depression this would certainly affect the mood in London before people returned from their summer holidays blunt had to take action working with Parliament he got pass the bubble Act of 1720 which banned all joint stocks not authorized by Royal Charter this would put an end to rampant speculation but this solution created consequences he did not foresee thousands of people had poured their savings into these new businesses and as these were now outlawed

they had no way of getting their money back their only recourse was to sell South Sea shares many of those who had used credit to buy South Sea shares saw themselves facing installments they could no longer afford they tried to cash out as well the price of south sea shares began to fall that August crowds were forming outside the south sea house as people felt desperate to sell near the end of August blunt became desperate himself he decided to launch his fourth money subscription once again at £1,000 now the terms were even more generous than

ever and on top of it he was promising an astonishingly large Christmas dividend of 30% to be followed by an annual dividend of 50% sum were pulled back into the scheme by such alluring terms including Sir Isaac Newton himself but others as if waking up from a dream began to wonder about the whole thing how could a company that had not traded for anything yet in South America whose only tangible asset was the interest the government paid it on its debt afford to dish out such large dividends now what had seemed like Alchemy or magic

appeared to be a downright hoax on the public by early September this selling off had turned into a panic as almost everyone rushed to convert paper shares into something real into coin or metal of any kind as the Panic for cash accelerated the bank of England was nearly brought down it came close to running out of currency it was now clear in England that the party was over many had lost their fortunes and life savings in the sudden downfall Isaac Newton himself had lost some 20,000 and from then on the mere mention of Finance or

Banks would make him ill people were trying to sell whatever they could soon there was a wave of suicides including that of Charles blunt Sir John's nephew who slashed his throat after learning the exact nature of his losses blunt himself was hounded in the streets and nearly killed by an assassin he had to quickly Escape London he spent the rest of his life in the town of Beth scraping by on the very modest means still left to him after Parliament seized almost all of the money he had earned through the South Sea scheme perhaps in

his isolation he could contemplate the irony of it all he had indeed changed the course of history and assured his Fame for all time as the man who had conjured up one of the most absurd and destructive schemes ever devised in the history of business interpretation John blunt was a pragmatic hard-nosed businessman with a single goal to make a lasting Fortune for himself and his family in the summer of 1719 however this highly realistic man caught a fever of sorts when he began to read about what was going on in Paris he was struck by

the drama of it all he read Vivid stories about average Frenchman suddenly making fortunes he had never thought prior to this that investments in joint stock companies could yield such quick results but the evidence from France was irrefutable he wanted to bring similar Good Fortune to England and in crafting his plan he naturally imitated many of the features of law scheme only increasing the scale of it what is striking here however is that one rather obvious question never seemed to cross his mind the scheme would depend on the share price Rising if those who converted

their government IUS into shares had to pay 200b per share instead of 100 they would receive fewer shares which would leave more shares for South Sea to sell to the public and make a nice profit if the shares were purchased at200 they were now worth more if the price continued to rise and were sold at some point seeing the price rise would lure more creditors to convert their shares and more people to buy in everyone would win only if the price kept Rising but how could the price keep Rising if it was not based on

any real assets such as trade if the price started to fall as it inevitably would Panic would certainly set in since people would lose faith in the scheme and this could only set off a chain reaction of selling how could blunt not have foreseen this the answer is simple Blunt's mental time frame had shrunk to the point where he lost the ability to look months down the road and consider consequences mesmerized by events in France and imagining all of the wealth and power he was on the verge of attaining he could focus only on the

present making sure the scheme launched successfully its initial success only made him imagine it would Trend this way for a long time as it progressed he certainly understood that he had to make the price rise even more quickly L and the only means of doing so was to lure in more investors through generous terms of credit this would make the scheme even more precarious one solution incurring several new dangers the bubble Act and the generous dividends carried even greater immediate risks but by now his time frame had shrunk to a matter of days if only

he could keep the ship afloat another week he would find some new solution finally he ran out of time when people lose the connection between their actions and their consequences they lose their hold on reality and the further this goes the more it looks like Madness the madness that overcame blunt soon infected the king the Parliament and eventually an entire nation of citizens renowned for their Common Sense Once the English saw their compatriots making large sums of money it became a fact the scheme had to be a success they too lost the ability to think

a few months ahead look at what happened to Sir Isaac Newton Paragon of rationality in the beginning he two caught the fever but after a week his logical mind could see the holes in the scheme and so he sold his shares then he watched others making much larger sums of money than his poultry 14,000 and it bothered him by August he had to get back in even though it was the absolute worst time to reinvest Sir Isaac Newton himself had lost the ability to think past the day as one Dutch Banker observed of the scene

in exchange alley nothing so much as if all the lunatics had escaped out of the mad house at once understand we humans tend to live in the moment it is the animal part of our nature we respond first and foremost to what we see and hear to what is most dramatic in an event but we are not merely animals tied to the present human reality encompasses the past every event is connected to something that happened before in an endless chain of historical causation any pris problem has deep roots in the past it also encompasses the

future whatever we do has consequences that stretch far into the years to come when we limit our thinking to what our senses provide to what is immediate we descend to the pure animal level in which our reasoning powers are neutralized we are no longer aware of why or how things come about we imagine that some successful scheme that has lasted a few months can only get better we no longer give thought to the possible consequences of anything we set in motion we React to what is given in the moment based on only a small piece

of the puzzle naturally our actions then lead to unintended consequences or even to disasters like the south sea crash or the more recent crash of 2008 to complicate matters we are surrounded by others who are continually reacting drawing us deeper into the present salesmen and demagogues play on this weakness in human nature to con us with the prospect of easy gains and instant gratification our only antidote is to train ourselves to continually detach from the immediate rush of events and Elevate our perspective instead of merely reacting we step back and look at the wider context

we consider the various possible ramifications of any action we take we keep in mind our long-term goals often in raising our perspective we will decide that it is better to do nothing to not react and to let time go by and see what it reveals such sanity and balance do not come naturally they are powers we acquire through great effort and they represent a height of human wisdom I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people Sir Isaac Newton keys to human nature almost all of us have experienced something similar

to the following scenarios someone we need or depend on is not paying us proper attention not returning our calls feeling frustrated we express our feelings to him or double our efforts to get a response or we encounter a problem a project that is not going well and so we decide upon a strategy and take appropriate action or a new person appears in our life and captivated by her fresh energy and charm we become friends then weeks go by and we are forced to reassess what had happened and how we had reacted new information comes to

light that person who was not responding to us was himself overwhelmed with work if only we had just waited and not been so impatient we could have avoided pushing away a valuable Ally that problem we tried to solve was not really so urgent and we made it worse by rushing an outcome we needed to know more before acting and that new friend ends up not being so Charming in fact time reveals her to be a destructive sociopath whose friendship takes us years to heal from a little more distance could have let us see the red

flags before it was too late looking back on our life we see that we have a tendency to be impatient and to overreact we notice patterns of behavior over long periods of time that elude Us in the moment but become clearer to us later on what this means is that in the present moment we lack perspective with the passage of time we gain more information and see more of the truth what was invisible to us in the present now becomes visible in retrospect time is the greatest teacher of them all the revealer of reality we

can compare this to the following visual phenomenon at the base of a mountain in a thick forest we have no ability to get our bearings or to map out our surroundings we see only what is before our eyes if we begin to move up the side of the mountain we can see more of our surroundings and how they relate to other parts of the landscape the higher we go the more we realize that what we thought further below was not quite accurate was based on a slightly distorted perspective at the top of the mountain we

have a clear panoramic view of the seeing and perfect clarity as to the lay of the land for us humans locked in the present moment it as if we are living at the base of the mountain what is most apparent to our eyes the other people around us the surrounding Forest gives us a limited skewed vision of reality the passage of time is like a slow Ascent up the mountain the emotions we felt in the present are no longer so strong we can detach ourselves and see things more clearly the further we Ascend with the

passage of time the more information we add to the picture what we saw 3 months after the fact is not quite as accurate as what we come to know a year later it would seem then that wisdom tends to come to us when it is too late mostly in hindsight but there is in fact a way for us humans to manufacture the effect of time to give ourselves an expanded view in the present moment we can call this the farsighted perspective and it requires the following process first facing a problem conflict or some exciting opportunity

we train ourselves to detach from the Heat of the Moment we work to calm down our excitement or our fear we get some distance next we start to deepen and widen our perspective and considering the nature of the problem we are confronting we don't just grab for an immediate explanation but instead we dig deeper and consider other possibilities other possible motivations for the people involved we force ourselves to look at at the overall context of the event not just what immediately grabs our attention we imagine as best we can the negative consequences of the various

strategies we are contemplating we consider how the problem or the apparent opportunity might play itself out over time how other problems or issues not apparent in the moment might suddenly loan larger than what we are immediately dealing with we focus on our long-term goals and realign our priorities in the present according to them in other words this process involves distance from the present a deeper look at the source of problems a wider perspective on the overall context of the situation and a look further into the future including the consequences of our actions and our own

long-term priorities as we go through this process certain options and explanations will begin to seem more logical and realistic than others that grabbed Us in the moment we add to this the lessons we have learned over the years about our own patterns of behavior in this way though we cannot recreate the full effect that time has on our thinking we can approximate it most often the passing months give us even more information and reveal better options for us to have taken we are manufacturing this effect in the present by widening what we consider and opening

our minds we are moving up the mountain such an elevated perspective can calm us down and make it easier for us to maintain our presence of Mind as events unfold although this stands as an ideal we must admit that such a perspective is rare Among Us humans it seems to require an effort that is almost Beyond us the reason for this is simple short-term thinking is hardwired into our system we are built to respond to what is immediate and to seek out instant gratification for our early human ancestors it paid to notice what was potentially

dangerous in the environment or what offered an opportunity for food the human brain as it evolved was designed not to examine the full picture and context of of an event but to home in on the most dramatic features this worked well in a relatively simple environment and amid the simple social organization of the tribe but it is not suited to the complex world we now live in it makes us take notice mostly of what stimulates our senses and emotions and miss much of the larger picture this has a decided impact on how we view the

potential pleasure or pain involved in a situation our brains are designed to make us notice what could immediately harm us in our surroundings but not to pay great attention to other dangers looming in the future that are more abstract this is why we tend to give much more attention to something like terrorism which certainly deserves our scrutiny than to global warming which in fact represents the greater danger since it puts the very survival of the planet at risk but such a danger seems abstract in the present by the time it becomes not abstract at all

it might be too late we tend also to grab for things that offer immediate pleasure even if we know about the negative long-term consequences that is why people continue to smoke drink do drugs or engage in any self-destructive behavior in which the destruction is not immediate and dramatic in a world that is complex with Myriad dangers that loan in the future our short-term Tendencies pose a continual threat to our well-being and as our attention spans decrease because of Technology the threat is even greater in many ways we are defined by our relationship to time when

we simply React to what we see and hear when we swing from excitement and exuberance to fear and panic at each new piece of dramatic news when we gear our actions toward gaining as much pleasure as possible in the moment without a thought for future consequences we can say that we are giving into to our animal nature to what is most primitive and potentially destructive in our neurological makeup when we strive to go against this grain to consider more deeply the consequences of what we do and the nature of of our long-term priorities we are

straining to realize our true human potential as the thinking animal and just as short-term thinking can be contagious one individual who embodies the wisdom of the farsighted perspective can have an immensely positive effect on the people around him or her such individuals make us aware of the larger picture and reveal a mindset that we recognize as Superior we want to imitate them throughout history there have been various icons of this wisdom to inspire and guide us Joseph in the Old Testament who could see into the hearts of men and foresee the future Socrates of ancient

Greece who taught us how to be less foolish and More consequential in our thinking the brilliant strategist jalang of ancient China who could predict every movement of the enemy leaders such as Queen Elizabeth I and Abraham Lincoln renowned for the success of their long-term strategizing the very patient and preent scientist Charles Darwin who finally exposed the effects of deep time on the evolution of all living things and Warren Buffett the most successful investor in history whose power is based on his farsighted perspective if possible avoid deep contact with those whose time frame is narrow who

are in continual react mode and strive to associate with those with an expanded awareness of time those with an expanded awareness of time those with an expanded awareness of time those with an expanded awareness of time those with an expanded awareness of time those with an expanded awareness of time for signs of shortsightedness and strategies to overcome them most of us imagine that we engage in some form of long-term thinking after all we have goals and plans but really we are fooling ourselves we can see this most clearly when we talk to other people about

their plans and strategies for the near and more distant future we are often struck by their veness and the lack of deep thinking people generally give to such plans they are more like hopes and wishes and in the rush of immediate events feeling pressure and the need to respond such weak goals and plans are easily overwhelmed most of the time we are improvising and reacting to events with insufficient information basically we are in denial about this because it is hard to have perspective about our own decision-making process the best way to overcome this is to

recognize the clear signs of shortsighted thinking in our own lives as with most elements of human nature awareness is the key e only by seeing these signs can we combat them the following are the four most common manifestations of short-term thinking one unintended consequences history is littered with endless examples of this phenomenon in ancient Rome a group of men loyal to the Republic feared that Julius Caesar was going to make his dictatorship permanent and establish a monarchy in 44 BC they decided to assassinate him thereby restoring the Republic in the ensuing chaos and power vacuum

Caesar's great nephew Octavius quickly Rose to the top assumed power and permanently ended the Republic by establishing a deao monarchy after Caesar's death it came out that he had never intended to create a monarchical system the conspirators brought about precisely what they had tried to stop in 19th century India under British colonial rule authorities decided there were too many venomous cobras in the streets of Delhi making life uncomfortable for for the British residents and their families to solve this they offered a reward for every dead Cobra residents would bring in soon enterprising locals began to

breed cobras in order to make a living from the Bounty the government caught on to this and canceled the program the Breeders resentful of the rulers and angered by their actions decided to release their cobras back on the streets thereby tripling the population from before the government program other notorious examples would include the 18 th Amendment establishing Prohibition in the United States in 1920 which was designed to stop the spread of alcoholism but only ended up increasing alcohol consumption by a substantial amount and the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese in 1941 designed

to decimate the US Naval force in one blow and bring America to its knees instead it shipped the American public out of its deep isolationism ensuring the total mobilization of the country's Superior Manpower and resources to not only defeat the Japanese but also to obliterate its military for good the very success of the attack guaranteed the opposite of the intended result we can find less dramatic examples of this in our daily lives we try to control a rebellious teenager by putting some restrictions on his behavior only to make him even more rebellious and uncontrollable we

try to cheer up a depressed person by making her realize that her life is not that bad and that the sun is shining only to find out we we have made her even more depressed she now feels guilty about her feelings worthless and more alone in her unhappiness a wife tries to get her partner to open up more to her with the hope of establishing more intimacy she asks him what he is thinking what happened during the course of the day and so on he interprets this as intrusiveness and closes up further which makes the

wife more suspicious and more prying which closes him up even further the source of this age syndrome is relatively simple alarmed by something in the present we grab for a solution without thinking deeply about the context the roots of the problem the possible unintended consequences that might ensue because we mostly react instead of think our actions are based on insufficient information Caesar was not planning to start a monarchy the poor people of Delhi despised their colonial rulers and would not take kindly to suddenly losing money Americans would be willing to go to war if attacked

when we operate with such a skewed perspective it results in all kinds of perverse effects in all of these cases a simple move partway up the mountain would have made clear the possible negative consequences so obvious to us in hindsight for example offering a reward for dead cobras would naturally cause impoverished residents to breed them invariably in these cases people's thinking is remarkably simple and lazy kill Caesar and the Republic returns action a leads to result B A variation on this one that is quite common in the modern world is to believe that if people

have good intentions good things should be the result if a politician is honest and means well he or she will bring about the desired results in fact good intentions often lead to what are known as Cobra effects because people with the noblest intentions are often blinded by feelings of self-righteousness and do not consider the complex and often malevolent motivations of others non-consequential thinking is a veritable plague in the world today that is only growing worse with the speed and ease of access to information which gives people the illusion that they are informed and have thought

deeply about things look at self-destructive Wars such as the 2003 invasion of Iraq the attempts to shut down the American government for short-term political gain the increasing number of financial bubbles from tech stocks to real estate related to this is a gradual disconnect from history itself as people tend to view present events as if they were isolated in time understand any phenomenon in the world is by nature complex the people you deal with are equally complex any action sets off a limitless chain of reactions it is never so simple as a leads to be B

will lead to C to D and Beyond other actors will be pulled into the drama and it is hard to predict their motivations and responses you cannot possibly map out these chains or get a complete handle on consequences but by making your thinking more consequential you can at least become aware of the more obvious negative consequences that could ensue and this often spells the difference between success and disaster you want depth of thinking to go to several degrees in Imagining the permutations as far as your mind can go often going through this process will convince

you of the wisdom of doing nothing of waiting who knows what would have resulted in history if the conspirators had thought this out and chosen to wait wait until Caesar died naturally or in battle while this mode of thinking is important for individuals it can be even more crucial for large organizations where there is a lot at stake for many people in any group or team put at least one person in charge of gaming out all of the possible consequences of a strategy or line of action preferably someone with a skeptical and prudent frame of

mind you can never go too far in this process and the time and money spent will be well rewarded as you avoid potential catastrophes and develop more solid plans two tactical hell you find yourself embroiled in several struggles or battles you seem to get nowhere but you feel like you have invested so much time and energy already that it would be a tremendous waste to give up you have actually lost sight of your long-term goals what you're really fighting for instead it has become a question of asserting your ego and proving you are right often

we see this dynamic in marital spats it is no longer about repairing the relationship but about imposing one's point of view at times caught in these battles you feel defensive and Petty your spirit drawn downward this is almost a sure sign that you have descended into tactical hell our minds are designed for strategic thinking calculating several moves and Advance toward our goals in tactical hell you can never raise your perspective high enough to think in that manner you are constantly reacting to the move moves of this or that person embroiled in their dramas and emotions

going around in circles the only solution is to back out temporarily or permanently from these battles particularly if they are occurring on several fronts you need some Detachment and perspective get your ego to count down remind yourself that winning an argument or proving your point really gets you nowhere in the long run win through your actions not your words start to think again of about your long-term goals create a ladder of values and priorities in your life reminding yourself of what really matters to you if you determine that a particular battle is in fact important

with a greater sense of Detachment you can now plot a more strategic response more often than not you will realize that certain battles are not worth it in the end they are a waste of valuable energy and time which should be high on your scale of values it is always better to walk away from a circular battle no matter how deeply you feel personally invested in it your energy and your spirit are important considerations feeling pity and frustrated can have reverberating consequences for your ability to think strategically and reach your goals going through the process

delineated above in the keys will naturally elevate your perspective and put your mind on the Strategic plane and in life as in Warfare strategists will always Prevail over tacticians three ticker tape fever during the runup to the 1929 crash on Wall Street many people had become addicted to playing the stock market and this addiction had a physical component the sound of the ticker tape that electronically registered each change in a Stock's price hearing the clicking noise indicated something was happening somebody was trading and making a fortune many felt drawn to the sound itself which felt

like the heartbeat of Wall Street we no longer have the ticker tape instead said many of us have become addicted to the minute-by-minute news cycle to watch trending to the Twitter feed which is often accompanied by a ping that has its own narcotic effects we feel like we are connected to the very flow of life itself to events as they change in real time and to other people who are following the same instant reports this need to know instantly has a built-in momentum once we expect to have some bit of news quickly we can never

go back to the slower pace of just a year ago in fact fact we feel the need for more information more quickly such impatience tends to spill over into other aspects of Life driving reading a book following a film our attention span decreases as well as our tolerance for any obstacles in our path we can all recognize signs of this nervous impatience in our own lives but what we don't recognize is the distorting effect it has on our thinking the trends of the moment in business or politics are embedded in larger trends that play out

over over the course of weeks and months such larger spans of time tend to reveal the relative weaknesses and strengths of an investment a strategic idea a sports team or a political candidate which are often the opposite of what we see in the microt trends of the moment in isolation a poll or stock price do not tell us much about these strengths and weaknesses they give us the deceptive impression that what is revealed in the present will only become more pronounced with time it is normal to want to keep up with the latest news but

to base any kind of decision on these snapshots of the moment is to run the risk of misreading the larger picture furthermore people tend to react and overreact to any negative or positive change in the present and it becomes doubly hard to resist getting caught up in their Panic or exuberance look at what Abraham Lincoln had to face in a much less technological age at the outbreak of the Civil War he looked at the larger picture as he estimated it the North should Prevail because it had more more men and more resources to draw on

the only danger was time Lincoln would need time for the Union Army to develop itself as a fighting force he also needed time to find the right generals who would prosecute the war as he desired but if too much time passed and there were no big victories public opinion might turn against the effort and once the north became divided within itself Lincoln's job would become impossible he needed patience but also victories on the battlefield in the first year of the war the north suffered a great defeat at bu Ron and suddenly almost everyone questioned the

president's competency now even level-headed Northerners such as the famous editor Horus gy urged the president to negotiate peace others urged him to throw everything the North had into an immediate blow to crush the South even though the Army was not ready for this on and on this went the pressure continually mounting as the north failed to deliver a single solid victory until finally General ulyses S Grant finished off The Siege at Vicksburg in 1863 followed soon by the victory at gidd isburg under General George me now suddenly Lincoln was hailed as a genius but some

6 months later as Grant got bogged down in his pursuit of the Confederate Army under General Robert E Lee and the casualties mounted the sense of panic returned once again gy urged negotiation with the South Lincoln's reelection that seemed doomed he had become immensely unpopular the war was taking too long feeling the weight of all this in late August of 1864 Lincoln finally drafted a letter spelling out the terms of Peace he would offer the South but that very night he felt ashamed for losing his resolve and hid the letter in a drawer the tide

had to turn he felt and the South would be crushed only a week later General William Tuma Sherman marched into Atlanta and all the doubts of about Lincoln suddenly vanished for good through long-term thinking Lincoln had correctly gauged the relative strengths and weaknesses of the two sides and how the war would eventually Trend everyone else got caught up in the day-by-day reports of the progress of the war some wanted to negotiate others to suddenly speed up the effort but all of this was based on momentary swings of Fortune a weaker man would have given in

to such pressures and the war would have ended very differently the writer Harriet beer St who visited Lincoln in 1864 later wrote of him surrounded by all sorts of conflicting claims by traitors by half-hearted timid Men by border states men and free states Men by radical abolitionists and conservatives he has listened to all weighed the words of all waited observed yielded now here and now there but in the main kept one inflexible honest purpose and drawn the national ship through Lincoln provides the model for us all and the antidote to the fever first and foremost

we must develop patience which is like a muscle that requires training and repetition to make it strong Lincoln was a supremely patient man when we Face any kind of problem or obstacle we must follow his example and make an effort to slow things down and step back wait a day or two before taking action second when faced with issues that are important we must have a clear sense of our long-term goals and how to attain them part of this involves assess ing the relative strengths and weaknesses of the parties involved such Clarity will allow us

to withstand the constant emotional overreactions of those around us finally it is important to have faith that time will eventually prove us right and to maintain our resolve four lost in trivia you feel overwhelmed by the complexity of your work you feel the need to be on top of all the details and Global Trends so you can control things better but you are drowning in information it is hard to see the proverbial forest for the trees this is a sure sign that you have lost a sense of your priorities which facts are more important what

problems or details require more attention the icon for this syndrome would have to be King Philip II of Spain he had a prodigious appetite for paperwork and for keeping on top of all facets of the Spanish government this gave him a feeling of being in control but in fact in the end it made him lose control he he fussed over the placement of toilets in his new Palace at escorial and their precise distance from the kitchen he spent days deliberating on how exactly particular members of the clergy should be addressed and remunerated but sometimes he

would fail to pay proper attention to important reports on spies and National Security issues pouring over endless reports on the state of the Turkish Army he believed it showed signs of great weakness and decided to launch a war against the Turks somehow he had misjudged the war would last 18 years have no definitive resolution and bleed Spain of money a similar process occurred in relation to England the king had to read every single report on the state of the English Navy the support of the people for Queen Elizabeth every minute detail about the country's finances

and Shoreline defenses based on years of such study in 1588 he decided to launch his Armada against England feeling certain that having made the Armada large enough Spain would Prevail but he failed to pay enough attention to weather reports the most critical factor of all for storms at Sea would spell the destruction of the Armada he also failed to realize that by the time he had compiled and assimilated enough information on the Turks or on England the situation had actually changed so while he seemed extremely detail oriented he was never quite on top of anything

over the years Philip strained his mind with so much reading that he had frequent headaches and dizzy spells his thinking was definitely impaired and he made decisions that ended up leading directly to the irreversible decline of the Spanish Empire in some ways you are probably more like King Philip II than you would like to imagine in your life you are more than likely paying attention to some details that seem immediately important to you while ignoring the weather reports that will Doom your project like philli you tend to take an information without considering your priorities ities

what really matters in the end but the brain has its limits assimilating too much information leads to mental fatigue confusion and feelings of helplessness everything begins to seem equally important the placement of toilets and a possible war with the Turks what you need is a mental filtering system based on a scale of priorities and your long-term goals knowing what you want to accomplish in the end will help you weed out the essential from the non-essential you do not have to know all the details sometimes you need to delegate let your subordinates handle the information gathering

remember that greater control over events will come from realistic assessments of the situation precisely what is made most difficult by a brain submerged in trivia the farsighted human most of us live within a relatively narrow time frame we generally associate the passage of time with something negative aging and moving closer to death instinctively we recoil from from thinking too deeply about the future and the past for this reminds us of the passage of time in relation to the future we may try to think about our plans a year or two from now but our thinking

is more like a Daydream a wish than deep analysis in relation to the past we may have a few fond or painful memories from childhood and later years but in general the past baffles us we changed so much with each passing year that who we were five 10 20 years ago might seem like a stranger to to us we don't really have a cohesive sense of who we are a feeling of connection between the 5-year-old and 35-year-old versions of ourselves not wanting to go too far in either direction we mostly live within the present we

React to what we see and hear and to what others are reacting to we live for immediate Pleasures to distract us from the passage of time and make us feel more alive but we pay a price for all this repressing the thought of death and aging creates a continual underlying anxiety we are not coming to terms with reality continually reacting to events in the present puts us on a roller coaster ride up and down we go with each change in Fortune this can only add to our anxiety as life seems to pass so quickly in

the immediate rush of events your task as a student of human nature and someone aspiring to reach the greater potential of the human animal is to widen your relationship to time as much as possible and slow it down this means you do not see the passage of time as an enemy but rather as a great Ally each stage in life has its advantages those of Youth are most obvious but with age comes greater perspective aging does not frighten you death is equally your friend it motivates you to make the most of each moment it gives

you a sense of urgency time is your great teacher and master this affects you deeply in the present awareness that a year from now this current problem you are experiencing will hardly seem so important will help you lower your anxiety and adjust your priorities knowing that time will reveal the weaknesses of your plans you become more careful and deliberative with them in relation to the Future you think deeply about your long-term goals they are not vague dreams but concrete objectives and you have mapped out a path to reach them in relation to the Past you

feel a deep sense of connection to your childhood yes you are constantly changing but these changes are on the surface and create the illusion of real change in fact your character was set in your earliest years along with your inclinations towards certain activities your likes and dislikes as you get older this character only becomes more apparent feeling organically connected to who you were in the past gives you a strong sense of identity you know what you like and dislike you know who you are this will help you make maintain your self-love which is so critical

in resisting The Descent into deep narcissism and in helping you to develop empathy also you will pay greater attention to the mistakes and lessons of the past which those who are locked in the present tend to repress like everyone you enjoy the present and its passing Pleasures you are not a monk you connect to the trends of the moment and to the current flow of life but you derive even greater pleasure from reaching your long-term goals and overcoming adversity this expanded relationship to time will have a definite effect on you it will make you calmer

more realistic more in tune with the things that matter it will also make you a superior strategist in life able to resist people's inevitable overreactions to what is happening in the present and to see further into the future a potential power that we humans have only begun to tap into the years teach much which the days never know by Ralph Waldo Emerson seven soft and people's resistance by confirming their self-opinion the law of defensiveness life is Harsh and people competitive we naturally must look after our own interests we also want to feel that we are

independent doing our own bidding that is why when others try to persuade or change us we become defensive and resistant to give and challenges our need to feel autonomous that is why to get people to move from their defensive positions you must always make it seem like what they are doing is of Their Own Free Will creating a feeling of mutual warmth helps soften people's resistance and makes them want to help never attack people for their beliefs or make them feel insecure about their intelligence or goodness that will only strengthen their defensiveness and make your

task impossible make them feel that by doing what you want they are being Noble and altruistic the ultimate lure learn to tame your own stubborn nature and free your mind from its defensive and closed positions unleashing your creative powers the influence game in December 1948 Senator Tom KY of Texas received a visit from the newly elected second senator of the state Lyndon Baines Johnson Johnson had previously served as a democratic Congressman in the House of Representatives for 12 years and had earned a reputation as a politician with high Ambitions who was quite impatient to realize

them he could be Brash opinionated and even a bit pushy Connelly knew all of this but he was willing to Jud Judge Johnson for himself he studied the young man closely he had met him before and thought him rather astute but after exchanging a few pleasantries Johnson revealed his true motives he was hoping to get a seat on one of the three most prestigious committees in the Senate Appropriations Finance or Foreign Relations Connelly served on two of them as a senior member Johnson seemed to suggest that as a fellow Tex and Connelly could help him

get what he wanted Conelly felt that Johnson clearly did not understand how the senatorial system worked and he decided to put him in his place right then and there acting as if he were doing Johnson a great favor he offered to help him get a seat on the agriculture committee knowing full well Johnson would find this insulting it was among the least coveted of all committees thrusting the knife in deeper Connelly said that he had followed Johnson's senatorial campaign and had heard him exclaim numerous times that he was a friend of the farmer here was

his chance chance to prove it the agriculture committee would be a perfect fit Johnson could not hide his displeasure and squired uncomfortably in his chair and then Lyndon Cally concluded after you've been in the senate for a while then you get on the Foreign Relations or finance committee and render a real public service and by for a while kamaly meant a good 12 to 20 years the usual time it took for any Senator to amass enough influence it was called seniority and that was how the game was played it had taken Connelly himself nearly 20

years to get his Plum committee positions over the next few weeks word quickly spread among Senators that Johnson was someone to keep an eye on a potential hothead and so it was a pleasant surprise when many of them saw and met him for the first time after he was officially inaugurated he was not at all what they had expected he was the picture of politeness and very differential he would often come to visit them in their offices he would announce himself to the secretary in the outer office then patiently wait there until called in sometimes

for an hour he didn't seem bothered by this he busied himself by reading or taking notes once inside he'd asked the senator about his wife and family or his favorite sports team he had clearly done his homework on the senator in question he could be quite self-deprecating he'd often first introduce himself as Landslide l everyone knowing he had won his senate seat by the slimmest of margins mostly however he came to talk business and get advice he'd ask a question or two about some Bill or bit of senatorial procedure and would listen with a focus

that was striking and Charming almost like a child his large brown eyes would stay fixed on the senator in question and with his chin resting on his hand he would occasionally nod and every now and then ask another question the Senators could tell he was paying deep attention because invariably he would act on their advice or repeat their very words to someone else always crediting the senator who had spoken them he would leave with a gracious thank you for their time and for the invaluable education they had provided this was not the spirited hothead they

had heard so much about and the contrast redounded to his credit the Senators saw him most often on the senate floor and unlike any other member of the institution he attended every session and sat almost the whole whole time at his desk he took copious notes he wanted to learn everything about senatorial procedure a dull Affair but one that seemed to Captivate him he was far however from being AED when Senators encountered him in the hallway or in the cloak room he always had a good joke to tell or some amusing anecdote he had spent

his early years in rural poverty and although he was well educated his language had some of the color and biting humor of the Texan farmer and migrant worker the Senators found him amusing even Tom KY had to admit that he had somehow misread him older Senators referred to at the time as old Bulls particularly came to appreciate Lyndon Johnson although they held positions of great Authority based on their seniority they often felt insecure about their age and their physical and mental capacities but here was Johnson visiting their offices frequently intent on absorbing their wisdom one

older Democratic senator in particular took to Johnson Richard Russell of Georgia he was only 11 years older than Johnson but he had been serving in the Senate since 1933 and had become one of its most powerful members they had gotten to know each other because Johnson had requested and received a seat on the armed services committee on which Russell was second in seniority Russell crossed paths with Johnson in the cloak room in the corridors on the senate floor he seemed to be everywhere and although Johnson visited Russell in his office almost every day Russell came

to enjoy his presence like Russell Johnson was mostly all business and full of questions on Arcane Senate procedures he began to call Russell the old master and he would often say well that's a lesson from the old Master I'll remember that Russell was one of the few Senators who had remained a bachelor he never admitted he was lonely but he spent almost all of his time time at his Senate Office even on Sundays as Johnson would often be in Russell's office discussing some matter until the evening he would sometimes invite Russell over for dinner at

his house telling him that his wife Lady Bird was an excellent cook particularly good with Southern dishes the first few times Russell politely refused but finally he relented and he soon became a weekly regular at the Johnson House Lady Bird was charming and he quickly tipped to her slowly the relation ship between Russell and Johnson deepened Russell was a baseball fanatic and to his Delight Johnson confessed a weakness for the sport as well now they would go together toight games of the Washington Senators a day would not pass in which they did not see each

other as the two of them would often be the only senators in their offices working on the weekends they seemed to have so many interests in common including the Civil War and they thought alike on so many issues dear to Southern Democrats such as their opposition to a Civil Rights bill soon Russell could be heard touting the junior Senator as a can do young man with a capacity equal to his own for hard work Johnson was the only Junior Senator over his long career whom he referred to as a disciple but the Friendship went deeper

than that after attending a hunting party that Johnson had organized in Texas Russell wrote to him ever since I reached home I have been wondering if I would wake up and find that I had just been dreaming that I had made a trip to Texas everything was so perfect that it is difficult to realize that it could happen in real life in 1950 the Korean war broke out and there was pressure on the armed services committee to form a subcommittee to investigate the military's preparedness for the war such a subcommittee had been formed during World

War II and chaired by Harry Truman and it was through the chairmanship that Truman had become famous and risen to power the current chairman of the armed services committee was Senator Miller Tidings of Maryland Tidings would naturally assume the chairmanship of the subcommittee since it would be a great platform for publicity Johnson approached Tidings with a proposal Tidings was facing a reelection campaign that year and Johnson offered to cheer the subcommittee only up to the time of the election allowing Tidings to focus on winning it then you would step aside and let Tidings have the

position Tidings protective of the powers he had acred declined Johnson's offer but then dick Russell met with him and said something to cause Tidings to change his mind Johnson was named the chairman a stunning coup for a senator who had been on the job for only a year and a half and he would hold on to the job for quite a while as Tidings lost his re-election bid as chairman Johnson was suddenly receiving national public exposure and journalists covering the Senate discovered that he was a master at handling the Press he carefully guarded the findings

of the subcommittee allowing no leaks to journalists he surrounded its work with tremendous mystery and drama giving the impression that the committee was uncovering some real dirt on the military he doled out information and reports to a select group of powerful journalists who had written articles that he had approved of the other journalists had to fight for any news crumbs he dained to offer the junior Senator began to Fascinate the Press Corps he was tough yet sympathetic to the journalist's job and most important he knew how to give them a good story soon some of

them were writing about him as a zealous Patriot a future political force to be reckoned with now Russell could properly defend his elevation of Johnson the senator from Texas had done a great job and had finally gotten the Senate some positive publicity in May and June of 1951 Johnson and Russell worked closely together on the recall of General MacArthur from Korea now Russell had a firsthand view of Johnson's staff and he was astounded at how offici it was larger and better organized than his own it made Russell feel out of step with the times but

Johnson as if sensing his thoughts began to help Russell build his own modern staff he gave him complete access to the legal and public relations teams he had developed showing Russell how helpful they could be as Johnson worked with him on this the bond between them grew even tighter one day Russell told the reporter that Lyon Johnson could be president and would make make a good one the reporter was flabbergasted it was so unlike Russell to ever pay such a compliment one spring day in 1951 Senator Hubert Humphrey of Minnesota was waiting to catch the

subway to the capital when Lyndon Johnson suddenly approached him and suggested they ride together and talk such words were like music to Humphrey he almost couldn't believe Johnson was sincere in the offer Humphrey had joined the Senate at the same time as Johnson and he had been considered the bigger star a charismatic liberal who could be president one day Humphrey however had a problem that had completely impeded his rise to the top he believed so stantly in Liberal causes that he had alienated almost everyone else in his first speech to the Senate Humphrey criticized the

institution for its slow pace of change and its cozy atmosphere soon he was paid back in kind relegated to the worst committees the bills he introduced went nowhere when he would would walk into the Senate cloak room he would be shunned by almost everyone as this ostracism got worse Humphrey felt increasingly depressed and despondent sometimes driving home from work he would pull over and cry his career had taken a very wrong turn in the subway car together Johnson praised him effusively Hubert he told him you have no idea what a wonderful experience it is for

me ride to the Senate chamber with you there are so many ways I Envy you you are articulate you have such a broad range of knowledge feeling relieved to hear this Humphrey was then surprised by the vehement of Johnson's criticisms that followed but godamn it Hubert you're spending so much time making speeches that there is no time left to get anything done Humphrey needed to be more pragmatic fit and better when they finally parted Johnson invited Humphrey to stop by his office one day for drinks Humphrey soon became a regular visitor and this Southern Senator

quite loathed by Northern liberals as the darling of the conservative Russell enthralled him first Johnson was immensely entertaining everything he said was accompanied by some folky anecdote often of a body nature but always teaching some Wicked lesson sitting in his office the drinks being lavishly poured he would instigate bouts of laughter that would reverberate through the corridors it was hard to resist a man who could put you in a good mood he had incredible presence as Humphrey later wrote he'd come on just like a tidle wave sweeping all over the place he went through walls

he'd come through a door and he'd take the whole room over second he had such invaluable information to share he taught Humphrey all of the intricacies of Senate procedure and the knowledge he had accured about the psychological weaknesses of various Senators through close observation he had become the greatest vote counter in the the history of the Senate able to predict the results of almost any Senate vote with astounding accuracy he shared with Humphrey his vote counting method finally he taught Humphrey the power he could have by compromising by being more pragmatic and less idealistic he

would share with him stories about FDR Humphrey's hero when Johnson was in the House of Representatives he had become close friends with the president FDR according to Johnson was a consumate politician who knew how to get things done by retreating tactically and even compromising the subtext here was that Johnson was really a closet liberal who also idolized FDR and who wanted just as much as Humphrey to pass a Civil Rights bill they were both on the same side fighting for the same Noble causes working with Johnson there was no limit to how high Humphrey could

rise within the Senate and Beyond as Johnson had correctly guessed Humphrey had presidential ambitions Johnson himself could never become president or so he said to Humphrey because the nation was not ready for a president from the South but he could help Humphrey get there together they would make an unbeatable team what sealed the deal for Humphrey however was how Johnson proceeded to make his life easier within the Senate Johnson talked to his fellow Southern Democrats about Humphrey's intelligence and humor how they had misread him as a man having softened them up in this way Johnson

then reintroduced Humphrey to these Senators who found him Charming most important of all he got Russell to change his mind and Russell could move mountains now that he was sharing drinks with the more powerful Senators Humphrey's loneliness faded away he felt compelled to return the favor and to get many Northern liberals to change their minds about Johnson whose influence was now beginning to spread like an invisible gas in 1952 the Republicans swept into Power with the election of of Dwight D Eisenhower as president taking in the process control of the Senate and the house one

of the casualties in the election was Ernest McFarland of Arizona the former Democratic leader in the Senate now that the leadership position was vacant the scrambling for his replacement began Johnson suggested that Russell himself take the position but Russell declined he could have more power operating behind the scenes instead he told Johnson he should be the next leader and Russell could make it happen Johnson acting surprised said he would consider it but only if Russell would remain the old master and advise Johnson every step of the way he did not have to say another word

within weeks Russell had essentially helped secure him the position and it was a remarkable coup at the age of 44 Johnson was by far the youngest leader in the history of either party several weeks into his new position Johnson came to Russell with a most unusual request positions on key committees had been based for decades on seniority but what this meant was that committee chairman were often not up to the job men in their 70s and 80s had ideas that were rooted in the past they did not have the stomach for a big fight now

with the Republicans in full control they were planning on rolling back some of FDR's greatest achievements with the New Deal and in foreign policy it was going to be a rough 2 years until midterm elections Johnson wanted the power as the leader of the Senate Democrats to alter the committee landscape he was not advocating anything radical he would shift here and there a few committees and chairmanships bringing in some fresh blood such as the newly elected Senator John Kennedy and Hubert Humphrey whom he wanted to get on the Foreign Relations Committee these younger men would

give a fresh public face to the party and bring some energy in combating the Republicans Russell could see the wisdom in this and he gave Johnson his tacit approval but he also warned him you are dealing with the most sensitive thing in the Senate playing with dynamite Johnson approached other older Senators some were easy to convince such as Senator Robert bird who had a great fondness for the new leader liberals came on board with these changes thanks to the work of Humphrey who now had tremendous power as the liaison between Johnson and the Northerners others

were much more recalcitrant Johnson however would not give up the fight with those who continued to resist he went into a higher gear he became Relentless he would spend hours in his office behind a closed door talking to himself rehearsing his arguments and the counterarguments of these stubborn Senators until he was sure he had found the perfect approach to some he argued pure pragmatism the need to defeat the Republicans at all costs with others he reached back to the glory years of f Dr to Southern Senators he made it clear that making the party more

powerful and unified would make Johnson's job easier and that as a fellow Southerner he would be their Ultimate Ally in further fights he served them endless drinks in his office pulled out the full arsenal of his wit and charm he would telephone them at all hours if the senator continued resisting he would call again later in the evening he never argued with vehement or tried to force the issue he saw their side he offered numerous quid pro quoes eventually as one Senator after another relented he got the last holdouts to cave in somehow Johnson was

now someone to fear if they did not give in and remain one of the few holdouts clearly he could make their lives miserable over the next few years when it finally became public the Republicans and the Press were astounded at what Lyndon Johnson had accomplished in a matter of weeks since assuming the leadership position he had gained unprecedented Powers he not the seniority system controlled committee appointments he was now the Undisputed Master of the Senate and the byword among his colleagues was led Lyndon do it drawn into his sphere of influence was the most unlikely

cast of characters from dick Russell to Hubert Humphrey but the most astonished person of all must have been Senator Tom KY himself in four short years Johnson had not only risen to the top but had gained control of the Senate Democrats through a slow and steady campaign of accumulating influence far surpassing the power commy had accured in over 20 years of service ACR in over 20 years of service ACR in over 20 years of service ACR in over 20 years of service ACR in over 20 years of service ACR in over interpretation from the beginning

of his political career Johnson had a single ambition to One Day become president of the United States to get there he needed a relatively Swift Rise to prominence the younger he reached leadership positions the more time he would have to spread his name and gain leverage within the Democratic party elected to the House of Representatives at the age of 28 he seemed on track to get what he wanted but in the house his career got bogged down the place was so big and complex and he was not good at dealing with large groups he was

not an exciting public speaker he was much more Charming in one-on-one situations he became frustrated and Restless finally reaching the Senate at the age of 40 he brought with him his impatience as evidenced by his meeting with kamaley but shortly before his inauguration he toured the floor of the Senate and had an epiphany the place was much smaller it was more like a cozy club for gentlemen here he could work one-on-one and slowly gain power by accumulating influence to accomplish this however he had to transform himself he was naturally aggressive he would have to reain

this in slow down and step back he would have to stop talking so much and getting into heated arguments let other people do the talking let them feel like the star of the show stopped thinking of himself instead Focus completely on his fellow Senators as they talked and talked assume the inoffensive front of the junior senator of learning the ropes the serious and somewhat dull student of procedure and legislation behind this front he could observe people without seeming ambitious or aggressive in this way he could slowly gain knowledge of the inner workings of the Senate

vote counting how bills were actually passed and insights into the various Senators their deepest insecurities and weaknesses at some point his deep understanding of the institution would translate into a commodity he could exchange for influence and favors after several months of this campaign he was able to alter the the reputation he had had in the house he no longer seemed a threat and with the Senator's defenses down Johnson could escalate his campaign he turned his attention to winning over key allies as he had always believed having one key Ally at or near the top of

the hierarchy could move mountains early on he spotted Senator Russell as the perfect Target lonely a believer in a cause without any real disciples and very powerful Johnson genuinely liked Russ and he was always in search of Father figures but his attention and approach were highly strategic he made sure he got appointed to the armed services committee where he would have the most access to Russell their constant Encounters in the hallway or the cloak room were rarely accidental without making it obvious he slowly increased the hours they spent together Johnson had never liked baseball and

could care less about the Civil War but he quickly learned to cultivate an interest in both he mired back to Russell his own conservative values and work ethic and made the lonely Senator feel like he had not only a friend but a worshiping son and disciple Johnson was careful to never ask for favors instead he quietly did favors himself for Russell helping him to modernize his staff when Johnson finally wanted something such as the chairmanship of the subcommittee he would insinuate his desire rather than directly express it Russell would come to see him as an

extension of his own political Ambitions and at that point he would do almost anything for his acolyte within a few years word got around that Johnson was a masterful vote counter and had inside knowledge on various Senators the kind of information that could be extremely useful when trying to get a bill p now Senators would come to him for this information and he would share it with the understanding that at some point he would expect favors in return slowly his influence was spreading but he realized that his desire to have the dominant position within his

party and the senate had one major obstacle the northern liberals once again Johnson chose the perfect Target Senator Humphrey he read him as a man who was lonely in need of validation but who was also tremendously ambitious the way to Humphrey's heart was three-fold make him feel liked confirm his belief that he was presidential material and give him the Practical tools to realize his Ambitions as he had done with Russell Johnson gave humph the impression that he was secretly on his side mirroring Humphrey's deepest values by sharing his Adoration of FDR after several months of

this campaign Humphrey would do almost anything for Johnson now with a bridge head established to the northern liberals Johnson had expanded his influence to all corners of the Senate by the time the leadership position opened up Johnson had established tremendous credibility as someone who returned favors who could get things done and who had very powerful allies his desire to get control over committee assignments represented a radical change in the system but he carefully couched it as a way to enhance the Democratic party and help individual senators in their various battles with Republicans it was in

their interest to hand over power to lynon Johnson step by step he had acquired such influence without ever appearing aggressive or even threatening by the time those in the party realized what had happened it was too late he was in complete control of the chessboard the master of the Senate understand influence over people and the power that it brings are gained in the opposite way from what you might imagine normally we try to charm people with our own ideas showing ourselves off in the best light we hype our past accomplishments we promise great things about

ourselves we ask for favors believing that being honest is the best policy what we do not realize is that we are putting all of the attention on ourselves in a world where people are increasingly self-absorbed this only has the effect of making others turn more inward in return and think more of their own interests rather than ours as the story of Johnson demonstrates the Royal Road to influence and power is to go the opposite direction put the focus on others let them do the talking let them be the stars of the show their opinions and

values are worth emulating the causes they support are the noblest such attention is so rare in this world and people are so hungry for it that giving them such validation will lower their defenses and open their minds to whatever ideas you want to insinuate your first move then is always to step back and assume an inferior position in relation to the other make it subtle ask for their advice people are dying to impart their wisdom and experience once you feel that they are addicted to this attention you can initiate a cycle of fa favors by

doing something small for them something that saves them time or effort they will instantly want to reciprocate and will return the favor without feeling manipulated or pushed and once people do favors for you they will continue to work on your behalf in doing something for you they have judged you worthy of this and to stop helping you would mean to call into question their original judgment and their own intelligence which people are very reluctant to do working slowly this way in a group you will expand your influence without it seeming aggressive or even purposeful the

ultimate disguise for your Ambitions the true Spirit of conversation consists more in bringing out the cleverness of others than in showing a great deal of it yourself he who goes away pleased with himself and his own wit is also greatly pleased with you most men seek less to be instructed and even to be amused than to be praised and applauded by Gene de la Breer keys to human nature from early on in life we humans develop a defensive and self-protective side to our personality it begins in early childhood as we cultivate a sense of personal

physical space that others should not violate it later expands into a feeling of personal dignity people should not coer or manipulate us into doing things we don't want to we should be free to choose what we desire these are necessary developments in our growth as socialized humans as we get older however these def ensive qualities often solidify into something much more rigid and for good reason people are continually judging and appraising us are we competent enough good enough a team player we never feel quite free of this scrutiny one noticeable failure in our lives and

people's scrutiny will turn into negative judgments that can us for a long time furthermore we have the feeling that people are always trying to take from us they want our time our money our ideas our labor in the face of all of this we naturally become more self-absorbed and defensive we have to look after our own interests since nobody else will we set up walls around ourselves to keep out Intruders and those who want something from us by the time we reach our 20s we have all developed systems of Defense but in certain circumstances our

inner walls can come tumbling down for instance during a night of rivalry with friends perhaps after some drinking we feel bonded with others and not judged by them our minds loosen up and suddenly new and very interesting ideas come to us and we're open to doing things we would normally never do in another instance perhaps we attend some public rally and hear an inspiring speaker advocating for a cause feeling on the same page as hundreds of others caught up in the group Spirit we suddenly feel called to action and to work for the cause something

we might normally resist the most telling example however occurs when when we fall in love and the feeling is reciprocated the other person appreciates and reflects back to us our most positive qualities we feel worthy of being loved under such a spell we let go of our ego and our habitual stubbornness we give the other person unusual sway over our willpower what these moments have in common is that we feel inwardly secure not judged but accepted by friends the group or the loved one we see a reflection of ourselves and other we can relax at

our core we feel validated not needing to turn inward and defensive we can direct our minds outward beyond our ego to a cause a new idea or the happiness of the other understand creating this feeling of validation is the golden key that will unlock people's defenses and we cannot survive and thrive in this highly competitive world without possessing such a power we continually find ourselves in situ situations in which we need to move people from their resistant positions we need their Assistance or we need the ability to alter their ugly Behavior if we flail about

improvising in the moment trying to plead cajo and even make people feel guilty we are more than likely only making them more defensive if we somehow succeed in getting what we want through these methods their support is thin with an undercurrent of resentment we have taken from them time money ideas and they will close themselves off to further influence and if we go through long stretches of time continually buting up against people's resistance and getting nowhere we can face a very dangerous dynamic in life mounting frustration at the apparent indifference of people this suddenly infects

our attitude when we find ourselves in situations needing to influence people they sense our neediness and insecurity we try too hard to please we seem ever so slightly desperate defea needed before starting this can turn into a negative self-fulfilling Dynamic that will keep us marginalized without ever being aware of the source of the problem before it is too late we must turn this Dynamic around as Johnson did at the age of 40 we must discover the power that we can possess by giving people the validation they crave and lowering their defenses and the key to

making this happen in a realistic and strategic manner is to fully understand a fundamental law of human nature this law is as follows people have a perception about themselves that we shall call their self-opinion this self-opinion can be accurate or not it doesn't matter what matters is how people perceive their own character and worthiness and there are three qualities to people's self-opinion that are nearly Universal I am autonomous acting of my own free will I am intelligent in my own way and I am basically good and decent when it comes to the first Universal if

we join a group or believe something or buy a product it is because we choose to do so the truth might be that we were manipulated or succumbed to peer pressure but we will tell ourselves something else if we ever feel consciously coerced as in having to obey a boss we either tell ourselves we have chosen to obey or we deeply resent being forced and manipulated in the latter case we might smile and Obey but we will find a way to secretly Rebel in other words we feel the need to to continually Express and assert

our Free Will with the second Universal we may realize we are not on the level of an Einstein but in our field and our own way we are intelligent a plumber Revels in his Superior knowledge of the inner workings of a house and in his manual skills which are a form of intelligence he also thinks his political opinions come from solid Common Sense another sign of intelligence as he sees it people are generally never comfortable with the thought that they could be gullible and less than intelligent if they have to admit they are not smart

in the conventional way they will at least think they are clever than others with the third Universal we like to see ourselves as supporting the right causes we treat people well we are a team player if we happen to be the boss and we like to instill discipline in the troops we call it tough love we are acting for the good of others in addition to these universals we find that people people have more personalized self- opinions that serve to regulate their particular insecurities for instance I'm a free spirit one of a kind or I'm

very self-reliant and don't need anybody's help or I am good-looking and I can depend on that or I am a rebel and disdain all authority implied in these various self- opinions is a feeling of superiority in this one area I am a rebel and you are less so many of these types of self- opinions are related to developmental issues in early childhood for instance the rebel type had a father figure who disappointed him or perhaps he suffered from bullying and cannot bear any feeling of inferiority he must despise all authority the self-reliant type may have

experienced a very distant mother be haunted by feelings of Abandonment and have crafted a self-image of rugged Independence our self-opinion is primary it determines so much of our thinking and our values we will not entertain ideas that clash with our self-opinion let us say we see ourselves as particularly tough and self-reliant we will then gravitate toward ideas and philosophies that are realistic hardcore and unforgiving of others weaknesses if in this scenario we also happen to be Christian we will then reinterpret Christian religious doctrines to match our tough self-image finding elements within Christianity that emphasize self-reliance

tough love and the need to destroy our enemies in general we will choose to belong to groups that validate our feeling of being Noble and smart we might think we have particular ideas or values that stand on their own but in fact they are dependent on our self-opinion when you try to convince people of something one of three things will happen first you might inadvertently challenge a particular aspect of their self-opinion in a discussion that might turn into an argument you make them feel stupid or brainwashed or less than good even if you are subtle

in your arguments the implication is that you know better if this happens you make people even more defensive and resistant walls go up that will never come down second you can leave their self-opinion in a neutral position neither challenged nor confirmed this often happens if you try to be reasonable and calm in your approach avoiding any emotional Extremes in this scenario people remain resistant and dubious but you have at least not tighten them up and you have some room to maneuver them with your rational arguments third you can actively confirm their self-opinion in this case

you are fulfilling one of people's greatest emotional needs we can imagine that we are independent intelligent decent and self-reliant but only other people can truly confirm this for us and in a harsh and competitive World in which we are all prone to continual self-doubt we almost never get this validation That We crave when when you give it to people you will have the magical effect that occurred when you yourself were drunk or at a rally or in love you will make people relax no longer consumed by insecurities they can direct their attention outward their minds

open making them susceptible to suggestion and insinuation if they decide to help you they feel like they are doing this of their own free will your task is simple and still in people a feeling of inner security mirror their value vales show that you like and respect them make them feel you appreciate their wisdom and experience generate an atmosphere of mutual warmth get them to laugh along with you instilling a feeling of Rapport all of this works best if the feelings are not completely faked by exercising your empathy by getting inside their perspective you are

more likely to genuinely feel at least a part of such emotions practice this often enough in confirming people's self-opinion will become your default position you will have a loosening up effect on almost everyone you encounter one caveat most people have a relatively high self- opinion but some people have a low opinion of themselves they tell themselves I am not worthy of good things or I am not such a nice person or I have too many problems and issues because they generally expect bad things to happen to them they often feel relieved and Justified when bad

things do happen in this way their low self- opinion serves to calm their insecurities about Ever Getting success in life if your targets have a low self-opinion the same rule applies if you insist that they can easily better their lives by following your advice this will clash with their belief that the world is against them and that they really do not deserve such good things they will discount your ideas and resist you instead you must work from within their self-opinion empathizing with the injustices in their life and the difficulties they have faced now with them

feeling validated and mirrored you have some latitude to make gentle Corrections and even apply some reverse psychology finally the greatest obstacle you will face in developing these Powers comes from a cultural prejudice against the very idea of influence why can't we all just be honest and transparent with one another and simply ask for what we want why can't we just let people be who they are and not try to change them being strategic is ugly and manipul ative first when people tell you such things you should be on guard we humans cannot stand feelings of

powerlessness we need to have influence or we become miserable the honesty mongers are no different but because they need to believe in their Angelic qualities they cannot Square this self-opinion with the need to have influence and so they often become passive aggressive pouting and making others feel guilty as a means of getting what they want never take people who say such things at face value second we humans cannot avoid trying to influence others everything we say or do is examined and interpreted by others for Clues as to our intentions we are silent Perhaps it is

because we are upset and want to make this clear or we are genuinely listening as a way of trying to impress with our politeness no matter what we do people will read into it attempts at influence and they are not wrong in doing so as social animals we cannot avoid constantly playing the game whether we are conscious of this or not most people do not want to expend the effort that goes into thinking about others and figuring out a strategic entry past their defenses they are lazy they want to Simply Be themselves speak honestly or

do nothing and justify this to themselves as stemming from some great moral choice since the game is unavoidable better to be skillful at it than in denial or merely impr rising in the Moment In the End being good at influence is actually more socially beneficial than the moral stance by having this power we can influence people who have dangerous or antisocial ideas becoming proficient at persuasion requires that we immerse ourselves in the perspective of others exercising our empathy we might have to abide by the cultural Prejudice and Nod our heads in agreement about the need

for complete honesty but inwardly we must realize that this is nonsense and practice what is necessary for our own well-being five strategies for becoming a master Persuader the following five strategies distilled from the examples of the greatest influencers in history are designed to help you focus more deeply on your targets and create the kinds of emotional effects that will help lower people's resistance it would be wise to put all five into practice one transform yourself into a deep listener in the normal flow of a conversation our attention is divided we hear parts of what other

people are saying in order to follow and keep the conversation going at the same time we're planning what we'll say next some exciting story of our own or we are even daydreaming about something irrelevant the reason for this is simple we are more interested in our own thoughts feelings and experiences than in those of the other person if this were not the case we would find it relatively easy to listen with full attention the usual prescription is to talk less and listen more but this is meaningless advice as long as we prefer our own internal

monologue the only solution is to somehow be motivated to reverse this Dynamic think of it this way you know your own thoughts only too well you are rarely surprised your mind tends to Circle obsessively around the same subjects but each person you encounter represents an Undiscovered Country full of surprises imagine for a moment that you could step inside people's minds and what an amazing journey that could be people who seem quiet and dull often have the strangest inner lives for you to explore even with bors and fools you can educate yourself as to the origins

and nature of their flaws transforming yourself into a deep listener will not only prove more amusing as you open your mind to their mind but will also provide the most invaluable lessons about human psychology once you are motivated to listen the rest is relatively simple you cannot make the Strategic purpose behind you listening too obvious the other person has to feel it is a lively exchange even though in the end they may do 80% of the talking for this purpose you must not barrage them with questions that make it feel like a job interview instead

pay attention to the non-verbal cues you will see their eyes light up when certain topics are mentioned you must guide the conversation in that direction people will become chatty without realizing it almost Everyone likes to talk about their childhood their family the ins and outs of their work or some cause that is dear to them an occasional question or comment plays off something they have said you are deeply absorbed in what they say but you must feel and appear relaxed in being so you convey that you are listening by maintaining relatively consistent eye contact and

nodding as they talk the best way to Signal How Deeply you are listening is to occasionally say say something that mirrors what they have said but in your own words and filtered through your own experience in the end the more they talk the more they will reveal about their insecurities and unmet desires your goal is to make them come away from the encounter feeling better about themselves you have let them be the star of the show you have drawn out of them the Wittier more funloving side of their personality they will love you for this

and will look forward to the next encounter as they become increasingly relaxed in your presence you will have great latitude for planting ideas and influencing their behavior two infect people with the proper mood as social animals we are extremely susceptible to the moods of other people this gives us the power to suddenly Infuse into people the appropriate mood for influencing them if you are relaxed and anticipating a pleasurable experience this will communicate itself and have a mirror-like effect on the other person one of of the best attitudes to adapt for this purpose is one of

complete Indulgence you do not judge other people you accept them as they are in the novel The ambassadors the writer Henry James Paints the portrait of this ideal in the form of Marie divet an older French woman of impeccable manners who surreptitiously uses an American named Lambert Str to help her in a love affair from the very moment he meets her stri is captivated she seems a mix of Lucidity and mystery she listens deeply to what he says and without responding gives him the feeling she completely understands him she envelopes him in her empathy she

acts from the beginning as if they have become good friends but it is in her manner nothing she says he calls her indulgent Spirit a beautiful conscious mildness and it has a hypnotic power over him well before she even asks for his help he is completely under her spell and will do anything for her such an attitude replicates the ideal mother figure unconditional in her love it is not expressed so much in words as in looks and Body Language it works equally well on men and women and has an hypnotic effect on almost anyone A

variation of this is to infect people with a warm feeling of Rapport through laughter and shared Pleasures lynon Johnson was the master of this of course he used alcohol which flowed freely in his office his targets never knowing that his own drink were greatly watered down so he could retain control of himself his body jokes and colorful anecdotes created a comfortable Club likee atmosphere for men it was hard to resist the mood he set Johnson could also be quite physical often wrapping his arms around a man's shoulder frequently touching him on the arm many studies

on non-verbal cues have demonstrated the incredible power that A Simple Touch of people's hands or arms can have in any interaction making them think positive things about you without their ever being aware of the source of their good opinion such gentle Taps establish a feeling of visceral Rapport as long as you do not maintain eye contact which will give it too much of a sexual connotation keep in mind that your expectations about people are communicated to them non-verbally it has been demonstrated for instance that teachers who expect greater things from their pupils can without ever

saying anything have a positive effect on their work in grades by feeling particular ularly excited when you're meeting someone you will communicate this to him or her in a powerful way if there is a person of whom you will eventually ask a favor try imagining him or her in the best light generous and caring if that is possible some have claimed to get great results by simply thinking the other person is handsome or good-looking three confirm their self- opinion recall the universal qualities of the self- opinions of people with a high self- opinion here's how

to approach each one of them autonomy no attempted influence can ever work if people feel in any way that they are being coerced or manipulated they must choose to do whatever it is you want them to do or they must at least experience it as their choice the more deeply you can create this impression the greater your chances of success in the novel Tom Sawyer the 12-year-old protagonist of the same name is portrayed as an extremely Savvy boy raised by his aunt with an uncanny sensitivity to human nature despite his cleverness Tom is always getting

into trouble the second chapter of the book begins with Tom being punished for getting in a fight instead of spending a hot summer Saturday afternoon messing around with his friends and swimming in the river Tom has to whitewash the very large fence in the front of the house as he starts the job his friend Ben Rogers walks by eating a delicious looking Apple Ben is as mischievous as Tom and seeing him at this tedious chore he decides to torment him by asking him if he's planning on going for a swim that afternoon knowing full well

he can't Tom pretends to Fain deep interest in his work now Ben is curious he asks Tom if he's seriously more interested in painting the fence than in having some fun Tom finally addresses him while still keeping an eye on his work his aunt would not give such a job to just anyone he says it is what people see first of their house when they pass by this is a very important job that won't come up again for many years in the past he and his friends painted something on fences and got into trouble now

he can do so freely it is a challenge a test of skill and yes he enjoys it swimming can be done any old weekend but not this Ben asks if he can try his hand to see what Tom means after several pleas Tom finally relents only after Ben offers him his Apple soon other boys approach and Tom does the same cell job on them accumulating more pieces of fruit and toys an hour later we see Tom lying in the shade while a whole team of friends finishes the job for him Tom used basic psychology to

get what he wanted first he got bent to reinterpret this job not by saying anything but through his absorbed attention in the task and his body language the task must be something interesting second he framed the job as a test of skill and intelligence a rare opportunity something that would appeal to any competitive boy and finally as he knew once the neighborhood boys saw others at the task they would want to join in making it a group activity nobody wanted to be left out Tom could have pleaded with dozens of friends to help him and

gotten nowhere instead he Fred in such a way that they wanted to do the work they came to him begging for the job your attempts at influence must always follow a similar logic how can you get others to perceive the favor you want to ask for is something they already desire framing it as something pleasurable as a rare opportunity and as something other people want to do will generally have the proper effect another variation on this is to appeal directly to people's competitive instincts in 1948 the director Billy Wilder was casting for his new film

a foreign Affair which was to be set in Berlin just after the War one of the main characters was a woman named Erica Von schut a German Cabaret singer with suspicious ties to various Nazis during the war Wilder knew that Marina Dietrich would be the perfect actress to play the part but Dietrich had publicly expressed her intense dislike of anything having to do with the Nazis and had worked hard for various Allied causes when first approached about the role she found it too distasteful and that was the end of the discussion Wilder did not protest

or plead with her which would have been feudal given dietrich's Fame stubbornness instead he told her he had found two perfect American actresses to play the part but he wanted her opinion on which would be better would she view their tests feeling bad that she had turned down her old friend Wilder Dietrich naturally agreed to this but Wilder had cleverly tested two well-known actresses whom he knew would be quite terrible for the role making a mockery of the part of a sexy German Cabaret singer the ploy worked like a charm the very competitive Dietrich was

a gast at their performances and immediately volunteered to do the part herself finally when giving people gifts or rewards as a possible means of winning them over to your side it is always best to give smaller gifts or rewards than larger ones large gifts make it too apparent that you are trying to buy their loyalty which will offend people's sense of Independence some might accept large gifts out of need but but later they will feel resentful or suspicious smaller gifts have a better effect people can tell themselves they deserve such things and are not being

bought or bribed in fact such smaller rewards spread out over time will bind people to you in a much greater way than anything lavish intelligence when you disagree with another person and impose your contrary opinion you are implying that you know better that you have thought things through more rationally people challenged in in this way will then naturally become even more attached to their opinions you can prevent this by being more neutral as if this opposing idea is simply something you are entertaining and it could be wrong but better still you can go much further

you see their point of view and agree with it with their intelligence flattered you now have some room to gently alter their opinion or have lowered their defenses for a request for help the 19th century British prime minister and novelist Benjamin D conceived of an even clever Ploy when he wrote if you wish to win a man's heart allow him to confute you you do this by beginning to disagree with a Target about a subject even with some vehement and then slowly come to seeing their point of view thereby confirming not only their intelligence but

also their own powers of influence they feel ever so slightly Superior to you which is precisely what you want they will now be debly vulnerable to a counter move of your own you can create a similar effect by asking people for advice the implication is that you respect their wisdom and experience in 1782 the French playwright Pierre Austine Karen dear shave put the finishing touches on his Great Masterpiece the marriage of figuro the approval of King Louis the 16th was required and when he read the manuscript he was Furious such a play would lead to

a revolution he said this man mocks everything that must be respected in a government after much pressure he agreed to have it privately performed in a theater at Versailles the aristocratic audience loved it the king allowed more performances but he directed his sensors to get their hands on the script and alter its worst passages before it was presented to the public to bypass this B maray commissioned a tribunal of academics intellectuals cers and government ministers to go over the play with him a man who attended the meeting wrote M deol marhe announced that he would

submit UNR reservedly to every cut and change that the gentleman and even the ladies present might deem appropriate everyone wanted to add something of his own M deberti suggested a witticism B marhe accepted it and thanked him it will save the fourth act Madame Dean contributed the color of the Little Pages ribbon the color was adopted and became fashionable B marhe was indeed a very clever CER by allowing others to make make even the smallest changes to his Masterpiece he greatly flattered their egos and their intelligence of course on the larger changes later requested by

Lewis's sensors B maray did not relent by then he had so won over the members of his own tribunal that they stridently defended him and Lewis had to back down lowering people's defenses in this way on matters that are not so important will give you great latitude to move them in the direction you desire and get them to concede to your desires on more important matters goodness in our daily thoughts we constantly Comfort ourselves as to the moral nature of our actions if we are employees of a company we see ourselves as good team members

if we are bosses we treat people well or at least we pay and support them well we help the right causes in general we do not like to see ourselves as selfish and narrowly focused on our own agenda just as important we want others to see Us in this light look at social media and how people will make a display of supporting the best causes few people give to Charities anonymously they want their names loudly advertised you must never inadvertently cast doubts on this saintly self-opinion to make positive use of this trait in people frame

what you are asking them to do as part of a larger cause that they can participate in they are not merely buying clothes but helping the environment or keeping jobs local and taking these actions people can feel better about themselves keep it subtle if you are trying to get recruits for a job let others spread the message about the cause make it appear pro-social and popular make people want to join the group instead of having to plead with them pay great attention to the words and labels you use it is better for instance to call

someone a team member than an employee to put yourself in the inferior one down position you can commit some relatively harmless FAA even offend people in a more pronounced way and then ask for their forgiveness by asking for this you imply their moral superiority a position people love to occupy now they are vulnerable to suggestion finally if you need a favor from people do not remind them of what you have done for them in the past trying to stimulate feelings of gratitude gratitude is rare because it tends to remind us of our helplessness our depend

dep on others we like to feel independent instead remind them of the good things they have done for you in the past this will help confirm their self-opinion yes I am generous and once reminded they will want to continue to live up to this image and do yet another good deed a similar effect can come from suddenly forgiving your enemies and forging a rap roson in the emotional turmoil this creates they will feel obligated to live up to the high opinion you have now shown toward them and will be extra motivated to prove themselves worthy

four allay their insecurities everyone has particular insecurities about their looks their creative Powers their masculinity their power status their uniqueness their popularity Etc your task is to get a bead on these insecurities through the various conversations you draw them into once you've identified them you must first be extra careful not to trigger them people have grown since sensitive and teny for any words or body language that might cast doubt on their physical appearance or their popularity or whatever their insecurity may be be aware of this and be on guard second the best strategy is to

praise and flatter those qualities that people are most insecure about we all crave this even if we somehow see through the person who is praising us that is because we live in a tough World in which we are continually judged and yesterday's Triumph is easily followed by tomorrow's failure we never really feel secure if the flattery is done right we feel that the flatterer likes us and we tend to like people who like us the key to successful flattery is to make it strategic if I know that I am particularly awful at basketball praising me

for my basketball skills in any way will ring false but if I am uncertain about my skills if I imagine I am perhaps not really so bad then any flattery on that score can work wonders look for those qualities people are uncertain about and offer reassurance Lord Chesterfield advised his son in his letters Cardinal rishu who was undoubtedly the ablest Statesman of his time had the idol vanity of being thought the best poet too he envied the great corn his reputation those therefore who flattered skillfully said little to him of abilities and state affairs or

at least but in passant and as it might naturally occur but the incense which they gave him the smoke of which they knew would turn his head in their favor was his a poet if your targets are powerful and quite Mack aelian they might feel somewhat insecure about their moral qualities flattering them about their clever manipulations might backfire but obvious Praise of their goodness would be too transparent because they know themselves too well instead some strategic flattery about how you have benefited from their advice and how their criticisms helped improve your performance will appeal to

their self opinion of being tough yet fair with a good heart underneath the gruff exterior it is always better to praise people for their effort not their talent when you exall people for their talent there is a slight deprecation implied as if they were simply lucky for being born with natural skill instead everyone likes to feel that they earned their Good Fortune through hard work and that is where you must aim your praise with people who are your equals you have more room to flatter with those who are your superiors it is best to Simply

agree with their opinions and validate their wisdom flattering your boss is too transparent never follow up your praise with a request for help or whatever it is you are after your flattery is a setup and requires the passage of some time do not appear too ingratiating in the first encounter or two better to show even a little coldness which will give you room to warm up after a few days you have grown to like this person and then a few flattering words aimed at their insecurities will begin to melt their resistance if possible get third

parties to pass along your compliments as if they had simply overheard them never be too lavish in your praise or use absolutes a clever way to cover Your Tracks is to mix in some small criticisms of the person or their work nothing that will trigger insecurities but enough to give your praise a more realistic Hue I loved your screenplay although I feel act two might need a little work do not say your latest book is so much better than the last one be very careful when people ask you for their opinion about their work or

something related to their character or their looks they do not want the truth they want support and Confirmation given as realistically as possible be happy to supply this for them you must seem as sincere as possible it would be best to choose qualities to praise that you actually admire if at all possible in any event what gives people away is the non-verbal cues praise along with stiff body language or fake smile or eyes glancing elsewhere try to feel some of the good emotions you are expressing so any exaggeration will seem less obvious keep in mind

that your target must have a relatively high self- opinion if it is low the flattery will not jive with how they feel about themselves and will ring Hollow whereas for those of high self- opinion it will seem only natural five use people's resistance and stubbornness some people are particularly resistant to any form of influence they are most often people with deeper levels of insecurity and low self-opinion this can manifest itself in a rebellious attitude such types feel as if it is them against the world they must assert there will at all costs and resist any

kind of change they will do the opposite of what people suggest they will seek advice for a particular problem or symptom only to find dozens of reasons of why the advice given won't work for them the best thing to do is to play a game of mental Judo with them in Judo you do not counter people's moves with a Thrust of your own but rather encourage their aggressive energy in order to make them fall on their own here are some ways to put this into practice in everyday life use their emotions in the book change

the therapist authors discuss the case of a rebellious teenager suspended from school by the principal because he was caught dealing drugs he was still to do his homework at home but was forbidden to be on campus this would put a big dent in his drug dealing business the boy burned with a desire to get Vengeance the mother consulted a therapist who told her to do the following explained to the son that the principal believed only students who attended class in person could do well in the principal's Mind by keeping the boy away from school he

was ensuring he would fail if he did better by working at home than in class this would embarrass the principal better to not try too hard this semester and get on the good side of the principal by proving him right of course such advice was designed to play into his emotions now he desired nothing more than to embarrass the principal and so threw himself into his homework with great energy the goal of the therapist all along in essence the idea is not to counter people's strong emotions but to move with them and find a way

to channel them in a productive Direction used their language the therapist Milton Ericson described the following case that he had treated a husband came to him for advice although he seemed quite set on doing what he wanted anyway he and his wife came from very religious families and had married mostly to please their parents the husband and wife were very religious as well their honeymoon however had been a disaster they found sex very awkward and did not feel like they were in love the husband decided it was not anyone's fault but that they should get

a friendly divorce Ericson readily agreed with him and suggested exactly how to bring about this friendly divorce he instructed him to reserve ver room at a hotel they were to have one final friendly night together before the divorce they were also to have one last friendly glass of champagne one last friendly kiss between them and so on these instructions virtually ensured the wife's seduction by her husband as Ericson had hoped the husband followed his instructions the couple had an exciting evening together and they happily decided to remain married Ericson intuited that the husband did not

really want a divorce and that the two of them felt awkward because of their religious backgrounds they were both deeply insecure about their physical desires yet resistant to any kind of change Ericson used the husband's language and his desire for divorce but found a way to gently redirect the energy towards something much different when you use people's words back at them it has a hypnotic effect how can they not follow what you suggest when it is exactly the words they have used use their rigidity a pawn broker's son once came to the great 18th century

zen master hackin with the following problem he wanted to get his father to practice Buddhism but the man pretended to be too busy with his bookkeeping to have time for even a single chant or prayer hackin knew the pawn broker he was an inveterate Miser who was only using this as as an excuse to avoid religion which he considered a waste of time hackin advised the boy to tell his father that the Zen master himself would buy from him each prayer and chant that he did on a daily basis it was strictly a business deal

of course the PM broker was very happy with the deal he could shut his son up and make money in the process each day he presented hackin with his bill for the prayers and hackin duly paid him but on the seventh day he failed to show up it seemed that he had gotten so caught up in the chanting that he had forgotten to count how many prayers he had done a few days later he admitted to hackin he had become completely taken up with the chance felt so much better and did not need to be

paid anymore he soon became a very generous donor to hain's Temple when people are rigid in their opposition to something it stems from Deep fear of change and the uncertainty it could bring they must have everything on their terms and feel in control you you play into their hands if you try with all your advice to encourage change it gives them something to react against and justifies their rigidity they become more stubborn stop fighting with such people and use the actual nature of their rigid Behavior to affect a gentle change that could lead to something

greater on their own they discover something new and on their own they might take this further all set up by your Judo maneuver they're all set up by your Judo maneuver they're all set up by your Judo maneuver they're all set up by your Judo maneuver they're all set up by your Judo maneuver they're all set up by your Judo maneuver keep in mind the following people often won't do what others ask them to do because they simply want to assert their will if you heartily agree with their rebellion and tell them to keep on

doing what they're doing it now means that if they do so they are following your advice which is distasteful to them they may very well Rebel again and assert their will in the opposite direction which is what you wanted all along the essence of reverse psychology the flexible mind self strategies you find it frustrating when people resist your good ideas out of sheer stubbornness but you are largely unaware of how the same problem your own stubbornness afflicts you and limits your creative Powers as children our minds were remarkably flexible we could learn at a rate

that far surpasses our adult capacities we can attribute much of the source of this power to our feelings of weakness and vulnerability sensing our inferiority in relation to those older than us we felt highly motivated to learn we were also genuinely curious and hungry for new information we were open to the influence of parents peers and teachers in adolescence many of us had the experience of falling under the sway of a great book or writer we became entranced by the novel ideas in the book and because we were so open to influence these early encounters

with exciting ideas sank deeply into our minds and became part of our own thought processes affecting us decades after we absorbed them such influences enriched our mental landscape and in fact our intelligence depends on the ability to absorb the lessons and ideas of those who are older and wiser just as the body tightens with age however so does the mind and just as our sense of weakness and vulnerability motivated the desire to learn so does our creeping sense of superiority slowly clows us off to new ideas and influences some may Advocate that we all become

more skeptical in the modern world but in fact a far greater danger comes from the increasing closing of the mind that afflicts us as individuals as we get older and seems to be afflicting our culture in general let us Define the ideal state of the Mind as one that retains the flexibility of Youth along with the reasoning powers of the adult such a mind is open to the influence of others and just as you use strategies to to melt people's resistance you must do the same on yourself working to soften up your rigid mental patterns

to reach such an ideal we must first adopt the key tenant of the socratic philosophy one of socrates's earliest admirers was a young man named chapon frustrated that more Athenians did not Revere Socrates as he himself did chapon visited the Oracle of deli and posed a question is there a wiser man than Socrates in all of Athens the Oracle answered no no chapon felt Vindicated in his admiration of Socrates and rushed to tell his mentor the good news Socrates however being a humble man was not at all pleased to hear this and was determined to

prove the Oracle wrong he visited many people each eminent in their own field Politics the Arts business and asked them many questions when they kept the knowledge of their field they seemed quite intelligent but then they would expatiate on all kinds of subjects s about which they clearly knew nothing on such subjects they merely spouted the conventional wisdom they did not think through any of these ideas finally Socrates had to admit that the Oracle was indeed accurate he was wiser than all the others because he was aware of his own ignorance over and over again

he examined and re-examined his own ideas seeing inadequacies and infantile emotions lodged within them his motto in life had become the unexamined life is not worth living the charm of Socrates what made him so devilishly fascinating to the Youth of Athens was the Supreme openness of his mind in essence Socrates assumed the weaker vulnerable position of the ignorant child always asking questions think of it this way we like to scoff at the superstitious and irrational ideas that most people held in the 17th century imagine how those of the 25th Century will scoff at ours our

knowledge of the world is limited despite the advances of science our ideas are conditioned by the prejudices instilled in Us by our parents by our culture and by the historical period we live in they are further limited by the increasing rigidity of the Mind a bit more humility about what we know would make us all more Curious and interested in a wider range of ideas when it comes to the ideas and opinions you hold see them as toys or building blocks that you are playing with some you will keep others you will knock down but

your spirit remains flexible and playful to take this further you can adopt a strategy promulgated by fredr MAA he who really wants to get to know something new be it a person an event a book does well to entertain it with all possible love and to avert his eyes quickly from everything in it he finds inimical repellent false indeed to banish it from mind so that for example he allows the author of a book the longest start and then like one watching a race desire s with being har that he may reach his goal for

with this procedure one penetrates to the heart of the new thing to the point that actually moves it and precisely this is what is meant by getting to know it if one has gone this far reason can afterwards make its reservations that overestimation that temporary suspension of the critical pendulum was only an artifice for luring forth the soul of the thing even in writing that is inimical to your own ideas there is often something that Rings true which represents the so of the thing opening yourself up to its influence in this way should become part

of your mental habits allowing you to better understand things even to criticize them properly sometimes however that soul will move you as well and gain some influence enriching your mind in the process upon occasion it is good to let go of your deepest set of rules and restrictions the great 14th century zen master BOS posted at the door of his Temple a list of 33 rules his monks were to abide by or be thrown out many of the rules dealt with alcohol which was strictly forbidden one night to totally disconcert his literal-minded monks he showed

up to a talk completely drunk he never apologized or repeated it but the lesson was simple such rules are merely guidelines and to demonstrate our freedom we must violate them from time to time finally when it comes to your own self-opinion try to have some ironic distance from it make yourself aware of its existence and how it operates within you come to terms with the fact that you are not as free and autonomous as you like to believe you do conform to the opinions of the groups you belong to you do buy products because of

subliminal influence you can be manipulated realize as well that you are not as good as the idealized image of your self-opinion like everyone else you can be quite self-absorbed and obsessed with your own agenda with this awareness you will not feel the need to be valid validated by others instead you will work at making yourself truly independent and concerned with the welfare of others as opposed to staying attached to the illusion of your self- opinion there was something terribly enthralling in the exercise of influence no other activity was like it to project one's Soul into

some gracious form and let it t there for a moment to hear one's own intellectual views echoed back to one with all the added music of passion and youth to convey one's temperament into another as though it were a subtle fluid or a strange perfume there was a real joy in that perhaps the most satisfying Joy left to us in an age so limited and vulgar as our own an age grossly carnal in its pleasures and grossly common in its aims by Oscar wild The Picture of Dorian Gray at change your circumstances by changing your

attitude the law of self-sabotage each of us has a particular way of looking at the world of interpreting events and the actions of people around us this is our attitude and it determines much of what happens to us in life if our attitude is essentially fearful we see the negative in every circumstance we stop ourselves from Taking Chances we blame others for mistakes and fail to learn from them if we feel hostile or suspicious we make others feel such emotions in our presence we sabotage our career and relationships by unconsciously creating the circumstances we fear

the most the human attitude however is malleable by making our attitude more positive open and tolerant of other people we can spark a different Dynamic we can learn from adversity create opportunities out of nothing and draw people to us we must explore the limits of our willpower and how far it can take us the ultimate Freedom as a child Anton COV the future celebrated writer faced each morning with a feeling of dread would he be beaten that day by his father or somehow spared without warning and sometimes without any apparent cause his father paval jagerovic

would strike him hard several times with a cane or Whip or the back of his hand what made it doubly confusing was that his father did not beat him out of any apparent malice or anger he told Anton he was doing it out of love it was God's will that children be beaten to instill humility that was how he had been raised and look at what a fine man he had turned into at the end of the beating young Anton had to kiss his father's hand and asked to be forgiven at least he was not

alone in this ordeal His Four Brothers and one sister all received the same treatment the beating was not the only thing he came to dread in the afternoon he would hear his father's approaching footsteps outside their ramshackle wooden house and he would tremble with fear more often than that he was coming to the house at that hour to ask the child Anton to replace him in the grocery shop that he owned in the Backwater town of igon rock Russia where the family lived for most of the year the shop was unbearably cold while minding the

counter Anton would try to do his homework but his fingers would quickly become numb and the ink in the pot for his pin would freeze up in that mess of a store which smelled of rancid meat he would have to listen to the dirty jokes of the Ukrainian peasants who worked there and witnessed the lwd behavior of the assortment of town drunks who wandered in for their shocks of vodka in the mid of all this he had to make sure that every copc was accounted for or he would get an added thrashing from his father

he would often be left there for hours while his father was getting drunk somewhere else his mother would try to intervene she was a gentle soul who was no match for her husband the boy was too young to work she would say he needed time for his studies sitting in the freezing shop was ruining his health the father would Thunder back that Anton was la Easy by nature and only through hard work could he become a respectable citizen there was no respit from the father's presence on Sunday the one day the shop was closed he

would wake the children up at 4: or 5 in the morning to rehearse their singing for the church choir of which he was the director once home from the service they would have to repeat it ritual by ritual on their own then return for the new Mass by the time it was over they were all too exhausted to play and the moments he had to himself Anton would wander around town tagon Rock was a grim place to grow up the fronts of almost all of the houses were decaying and crumbling as if they were already

ancient ruins the roads were not paved and when the snow melted there was mud everywhere with giant potholes that could swallow a child up to the neck there were no street lights prisoners would be tasked with finding the stray dogs on the streets and beating them to death the only quiet and safe place was the surrounding graveyards and Anton would visit them often on these walks he would wonder about himself and the world was he really so worthless that he deserved the almost daily beatings from his father perhaps and yet his father was a walking

contradiction he was lazy a drunk and quite dishonest with customers despite his religious Zeal and the citizens of tagam rock were equally ridiculous and hypocritical he would observe them at the Cemetery trying to act Pious during the funeral service but then excitedly whispering to one another about the delicious cakes they would eat later at the home of the Widow as if that was why they had shown up his only recourse in the face of the pain and boredom he constantly felt was to laugh at it all he became the family clown imitating the characters of

tagon rock and inventing stories about their private lives sometimes his humor turned aggressive he played cruel practical jokes on other children in the neighborhood sent to the market by his mother he often tormented the live duck or chicken that he carried home in a sack he was becoming impish and quite lazy then in 1875 everything changed for the check off Family Anton's two older brothers Alexander and Nikolai had had enough of their father they decided to move together to Moscow Alexander to pursue a University degree and Nikolai to become an artist this snubbing of his

authority infuriated the father but he could not stop them at around the same time Pavo jagerovic had to finally confront his complete mismanagement of the grocery store he had piled up debts over the years and now the bills came due facing bankruptcy and almost certainly time in the D's prison he quietly slipped out of town one night without telling his wife and escaped to Moscow intending to live with his sons the mother was forced to sell the family possessions to pay the debts a border who lived with them offered to help the mother with their

case against the creditors but much to her surprise he used his court connections to Swindle the Czech offs out of their house without a penny to her name the mother was forced to leave for Moscow with the other children only Anton would stay to finish his studies and get his diploma he was charged with selling all of the remaining family belongings and sending the money to Moscow as soon as possible the former border now owner of the house gave Anton a corner of one room to live in and so at the age of 16 with

no money of his own and no family to look after him Anton was suddenly left to fend for himself in tagon rock Anton had never really been alone before his family had been his whole life for better or worse now it was as if the bottom had dropped out he had no one to turn to for help in any way he blamed his father for this miserable fate for being trapped in tagon Rock one day he felt angry and bitter the next day depressed but soon it became clear that he had no time for such

sentiments he had no money or resources and yet somehow he had to survive so he hired himself out as a tutor to as many families as possible when they went on vacation he would often go hungry for days his one jacket was threadbear he had no gashes for the heavy rains he felt ashamed when he entered people's houses shivering and his feet all wet but at least he was now able to support himself he had decided to become a doctor he had a scientific frame of mind and doctors made a good living to get into

medical school he would have to study much harder frequenting the town library the only place he could work in peace and quiet he began to also browse the literature and philosophy sections and soon he felt his mind soaring far beyond tagon rock with books he no longer felt so trapped at night he returned to his corner of a room to write stories and sleep he had no privacy but he could keep his Corner neat and tidy free of the usual disorder of the check off household he had finally begun to settle down and new thoughts

and emotions came to him work was no longer something he dreaded he loved absorbing his mind in his studies and tutoring he had made him feel proud and dignified he could take care of himself letters came from his family Alexander ranting and complaining about their father making everyone miserable again miky the youngest son feeling worthless and depressed Anton wrote back to Alexander stop obsessing over our father and start taking care of yourself he wrote to miky why do you refer to yourself as my worthless insignificant little brother do you know where you should be aware

of your worthlessness before God perhaps but not before people among people you should be aware of your worth even Anton was surprised by the new tone he was taking in these letters then one day several months after being abandoned he wandered through the streets of tagam rock and suddenly felt welling up from within a tremendous and overwhelming sense of empathy and love for his parents where did this come from he had never felt this before in the days leading up to this moment he had been thinking long and hard about his father was he really

to blame for all their problems Pav's father Jer movich had been born a surf surfed him being a form of indentured slavery the check house had been surfs for several Generations Jer had finally been able to buy the family's freedom and he set his three sons up in different fields pavle designated as the family Merchant but pav could not cope he had an artistic temperament could have been a talented painter or musician he felt bitter at his fate a grocery store and six children his father had beaten him and so he beat his children although

no longer a surf pavle still bowed and kissed the hand of every local official and land owner he remained a surf at heart Anton could see that he and his siblings were falling into the same pattern bitter secretly feeling worthless and wanting to take their anger out on others now that he was alone and taking care of himself Anton yearned to be free in the truest sense of the word he wanted to be free of the past free of his father and here as he walked the streets of tagam rock the answer came to him

from these new and sudden emotions understanding his father he could accept and even love him he was not some imposing Tyrant but a rather helpless old man with a bit of distance he could feel compassion and forgive the beatings he would not become in mesed in all of the negative feelings his father inspired and he could finally value as well his kind mother and not blame her for being so weak with his mind emptied of ranker and obsessive thoughts of his lost childhood it was as if a great weight had been suddenly lifted off him

he made a vow to himself no more bowing and apologizing to people no more complaining and blaming no more disorderly living and wasting time the answer to everything was work and love work and love he had to spread this message to his family and save them he had to share it with Mankind through his stories and plays finally in 1879 Anton moved to Moscow to be with his family and to attend medical school and what he saw there made him despondent the check offs and a few borders were all crammed in a single room in

the basement of a tenement in the middle of the red light district the room had little ventilation and almost no light worst of all was the morale of the group his mother was beaten down by the the constant anxieties about money and the Subterranean existence his father drank even more and held some odd jobs that were quite a step down from owning a business he continued to beat his children Anton's younger siblings were no longer in school and felt completely useless miky in particular was even more depressed than ever Alexander had gotten work as a

writer for magazines but he felt he deserved much better and started to drink heavily he blamed his problems on his father for following him to Moscow and haunting his every move Nikolai the artist slept till late worked sporadically and spent most of his time at the Local Tavern the entire family was spiraling downward at an alarming rate and the neighborhood they lived and only made it worse the father and Alexander had recently moved out Anton decided he needed to do the opposite move into the cramped room and become the Catalyst for change he would not

not preach or criticize but rather set the proper example What mattered was keeping the family together and elevating their spirits to his overwhelmed mother and sister he announced that he would take charge of the housework seeing ant time cleaning and ironing his brothers now agreed to share in these duties he scrimped and saved from his own medical school scholarship and got more money from his father and Alexander with this money he put miky Ivan and Maria back into school he managed to find his father a better job using his father's money and his own savings

he was able to move the entire family to a much larger apartment with a view he worked to improve all aspects of their lives he got his brothers and sistered to read books he had Chosen and well into the night they would discuss and argue the latest findings in science and philosophical questions slowly they all bonded on a much deeper level and they began to refer to him as Papa an toha the leader of the family the complaining and self-pitying attitude he had first encountered had mostly disappeared his two younger brothers now talked excitedly about

their future careers Anton's greatest project was to reform Alexander whom he considered the most gifted yet troubled member of the family once Alexander came home completely drunk began to insult the mother and sister and threatened to smash Anton's face in the family had become resigned to these tirades but Anton would not tolerate this he told Alexander the next day that if he ever yelled at another family member he would lock him out and disavow him as a brother he was to treat his mother and sister with respect and not blame the father for his turning

to drink in womanizing he must have some dignity dress well and take care of himself that was the new family code Alexander apologized and his behavior improved but it was a continual battle that demanded all of Anton's patience and love for the self-destructive streak in the czechav was deeply ingrained it had led Nikolai to an early death from alcoholism and without constant attention Alexander could easily follow the same path slowly Anton weaned him from drinking and helped him with his journalistic career and eventually Alexander settled into a quiet and satisfying life sometime in 1884 Anton

had begun to spit blood and it was apparent to him that he had the prelim Min AR signs of tuberculosis he refused to submit to the examination of a fellow doctor he preferred not to know and to go on writing and practicing medicine without worrying about the future but as he became increasingly famous for his plays and short stories he began to experience a new kind of discomfort the envy and Petty criticisms of his fellow writers they formed various political clicks and endlessly attacked one another including Anton himself who had refused to Ally himself with

any revolutionary cause all of this made Anton feel increasingly disenchanted with the literary world the elevated mood he had so carefully crafted in tagon Rock was dissipating he became depressed and considered giving up writing entirely then toward the end of 1889 he thought of a way to free himself from his growing depression since his days in tagam rock the poorest and most abject members of society had fascinated him he liked to write about thieves and con artists and get inside their minds the lowliest members of Russian Society were its prisoners who lived in ghastly conditions

and the most notorious prison in Russia was on sacen island just north of Japan it housed five penal colonies with hundreds of thousands of prisoners and their families it was like a shadow State nobody in Russia had any idea what really went on on the island this could be the answer to his present misery he would make the arduous trick across Siberia to the island he would interview the most hardened criminals he would write a detailed book on the conditions there far from the pretentious literary world he would connect to something very real and reignite

the generous mood he had crafted in tagon rock his friends and family tried to dissuade him his health had gotten worse the travel could kill him but the more they tried to dissuade him the more he felt certain was the only way to save himself after a 3-month journey he finally arrived at the island in July of 1890 and he immediately immersed himself in this new world his task was to interview every possible prisoner including the most vicious murderers he investigated every aspect of their lives he witnessed the most gruesome torture sessions of prisoners and

followed convicts as they worked in the local mines chained to wheelbarrows prisoners who completed their sentences were would often have to stay on the island in labor camps and so sacen was full of wives waiting to join them in these camps these women and their daughters would resort to prostitution to stay alive everything was designed to degrade people's spirits and drain them of every ounce of dignity it reminded him of his family Dynamic on a much larger scale this was certainly the lowest rum of hell he could have visited and it affected him deeply he

now longed to return to Moscow and right about what he had seen his sense of proportion had been restored he had finally freed himself of the petty thoughts and concerns that had weighed him down now he could get outside of himself and feel generous again the book he wrote sacan Island caught the attention of the public and led to substantial reforms of conditions on the island by 1897 his health had deteriorated and he began to cough blood rather regularly he could no longer disguise his tuberculosis from The World At Large the Doctor Who treated him

advised that he retire from all work and leave Moscow for good he needed rest perhaps by living in a sanatorium he could extend his life a few years Anton would have none of this he would live as if nothing had changed a cult had begun to form around czechav comprising younger artists and adoring fans of his plays all of which had made him one of Russia's most famous writers they came to visit him in large numbers and although he was clearly ailing he radiated a commonness that astonished almost everyone where did it come from was

he born this way he seemed to absorb himself completely in their stories and problems no one ever heard him talk about his illness in the winter of 1904 as his condition worsened he suddenly had the desire to take an open sleigh ride into the country hearing the bells of the sleigh and breathing breathing the cold air had always been one of his greatest pleasures and he needed to feel this one more time it put him in such high spirits that he did not care anymore about the consequences which were dire he died a few months

later interpretation the moment his mother left him to be alone in tagon rock young Anton COV felt trapped as if he had been thrown into prison he would be forced to work as much as he could outside his studies he was now stuck in this hopelessly dull back quarter with no support system living in the corner of a small room bitter thoughts about his fate and about the childhood he had never had nodded him in his few free moments but as the weeks went by he noticed something very strange he actually liked the work he

did as a tutor even though the pay was meager and he was continually running around town his father had kept telling him he was lazy and he had believed it but now he was not so sure each day represented a challenge to find more work and put food food on the table he was succeeding in this he was not some miserable worm who needed a beating besides the work was a way to get outside himself and immerse his mind in the problems of his students the books he read took him far away from tagon Rock

and filled him with interesting thoughts that lingered in his mind for entire days tagon Rock itself was not so bad each shop each house contained the odest characters supplying him endless material for stories and that corner of the room that was his kingdom far from feeling trapped he now felt liberated what had actually changed certainly not his circumstances or tagon rock or the corner of the room what had changed was his attitude which opened him up to new experiences and possibilities once he felt this he wanted to take it further the greatest remaining impediment to

this sense of Freedom was his father no matter what he tried he couldn't seem to get rid of deep feelings of bitterness it was as if he could still feel the beatings and hear the endless pointed criticisms as a last resort he tried to analyze his father as if he were a character in a story this led him to think about his father's father and all the generations of covs as he considered his father's erratic nature and his wild imagination he could understand how he must have felt trapped by his circumstances and why he turned

to drinking and tyrannizing the family he was helpless more a victim than an oppressor this understanding of his father laid the groundwork for the Sudden Rush of unconditional love he felt one day for his parents as he glowed with this new emotion he finally felt completely liberated from resentments and anger the negative emotions from the past had finally Fallen away from him his mind could now be completely open the sensation was so exhilarating that he had to share it with his siblings and free them as well well what had brought Czech off to this point

was the crisis he had faced when left alone at such a young age he experienced another such crisis some 13 years later when he became depressed about the pettiness of his fellow writers his solution was to reproduce What had happened in tagon rock but in Reverse he would be the one to abandon others and force himself to be alone and vulnerable in this way he could re-experience the freedom and empathy he had felt in tagon rock the early death sentence from tuberculosis was the last crisis he would let go of his fear of death and

the bitter feelings that came with having his life cut short by continuing to live at Full Tilt this final and ultimate Freedom gave him a Radiance that almost everyone who met him in this period could feel understand the story of Anton COV is really a paradigm for what we all face in life we carry with us traumas and hurts from Early Childhood in our social life as we get older we accumulate disappointments and slights we too are often haunted by a sense of worthlessness of not really deserving the good things in life we all have

moments of great doubt about ourselves these emotions can lead to obsessive thoughts that dominate our minds they make us curtail what we experience as a way to manage our anxiety and disappointments they make us turn to alcohol or any kind of habit to numb the pain without realizing it we assume a negative and fearful attitude toward life this becomes our self-imposed prison but this is not how it has to be the freedom that czechav experienced came from a choice a different way of looking at the world a change in attitude we can all follow such

a path this Freedom essentially comes from adopting a generous Spirit toward others and toward ourselves by accepting people by understanding and if possible even loving them for their human nature we can liberate our Minds from obsessive and pity emotions we can stop reacting to everything people do and say we can have some distance and stop ourselves from taking everything personally mental space is freed up for higher Pursuits when we feel generous toward others they feel drawn to us and want to match our spirit when we feel generous toward ourselves we no longer feel the need

to Bow and scrape and play the game of false humility while secretly resenting our lack of success through our work and through getting what we need on our own without depending on others we can stand tall and realize our potential as humans we can stop reproducing the negative emotions around us once we feel the exhilarating power from this new attitude we will want to take it as far as possible years later in a letter to a friend Czech off tried to summarize his experience in tagon rock referring to himself in the third person right about

how this young man squeezes the slave out of himself drop by drop and how one fine morning he awakes to find that the blood coursing through his veins is no longer the blood of a slave but that of a real human being the greatest discovery of my generation is the fact that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of Mind by William James keys to human nature we humans like to imagine that we have an objective knowledge of the world we take it for granted that what we perceive on a daily basis

is reality this reality being more or less the same for everybody but this is an illusion no two people see or experience the world in the same way what we perceive is our personal version of reality one that is of our own creation to realize this is a critical step in our understanding of human nature imagine the following scenario a young American must spend a year studying in Paris he is somewhat timid and cautious prone to feelings of depression and low self-esteem but he's genuinely excited by this opportunity once there he finds it hard to

speak the language and the mistakes he makes and the slightly derisory attitude of the parisians make it even harder for him to learn he finds the people not friendly at all the weather is damp and gloomy the food is too rich even notan Cathedral seems disappointing the area around it so crowded with tourists although he has pleasurable moments he generally feels alienated and unhappy he concludes that Paris is overrated and a rather unpleasant place now imagine the same scenario but with a young woman who is more extroverted and has an adventurous Spirit she's not bothered

by making mistakes in French nor by the occasional snide remark from a Parisian she finds learning the language a pleasant challenge others find her spirit engaging she makes friends more easily and with more contacts her knowledge of French improves she finds the weather romantic and quite suitable to the place to her the city represents endless adventures and she finds it enchanting in this case two people see and judge the same city in opposite ways as a matter of objective reality the weather of Paris has no positive or negative qualities clouds simply pass by the friendliness

or unfriendliness of the parisians is a subjective judgment it depends on whom you meet and how they compare with the people where you come come from notra Dame Cathedral is merely an agglomeration of carved pieces of stone the world simply exists as it is things or events are not good or bad right or wrong ugly or beautiful it is we with our particular perspectives who add color to or subtracted from things and people we focus on either the beautiful Gothic architecture or the annoying tourists we with our mindset can make people respond to us in

a friendly or unfriendly manner depending on our anxiety or openness we shape much of the reality that we perceive dictated by our moods and emotions understand each of us sees the world through a particular lens that colors and shapes our perceptions let us call this lens our attitude the great Swiss psychologist Carl Yong defined this in the following way attitude is a Readiness of the psyche to act or react in a certain way to have an attitude means to be ready for something definite you even though this something is unconscious for having an attitude is

synonymous with an a priori orientation to a definite thing what this means is the following in the course of a day our minds respond to thousands of stimuli in the environment depending on the wiring of our brain and our psychological makeup certain stimuli clouds in the sky crowds of people lead to Stronger firings and responses the stronger the response the more we pay attention some of us are more sensitive to stimuli that others would mostly ignore if we are unconsciously prone to feelings of sadness for whatever reason we are more likely to pick up signs

that promote this feeling if we have a suspicious nature we are more sensitive to facial expressions that display any kind of possible negativity and to exaggerate what we perceive this is the Readiness of the psyche too react in a certain way we are never conscious of this process we merely experience the after effects of these sensitivities and firings of the brain they add up to an overall mood or emotional background that we might call depression hostility insecurity enthusiasm or adventurousness we experience many different moods but in an overall sense we can say that we have

a particular way of seeing and interpreting the world dominated by one emotion or a blend of several such as hostility and resentment this is our attitude people with a largely depressive attitude ude can feel moments of Joy but they are more disposed toward experiencing sadness they anticipate the feeling in their day-to-day encounters Yung illustrates this idea in the following way imagine that on a hike people come upon a brook that must be crossed to continue the journey one person without much thought will simply leap across touching a stone or two not worried at all about

possibly falling he loves the sheer physical pleasure of the jump and doesn't care if he fails another person is excited as well but it has less to do with the physical Joy than with the mental challenge the brook represents she will quickly calculate the most effective means of crossing and will gain satisfaction from figuring this out another person of a cautious nature will take more time to think it through he takes no pleasure in the crossing he is irritated by the obstruction but he wants to continue the hike and he will do his best to

safely cross a fourth will simply turn back she will will see no need for crossing and will rationalize her fears by saying the hike has been long enough no one simply sees or hears the rushing of water over rocks our minds do not perceive just what is there each person sees and responds to the same birp differently according to their particular attitude adventurous fearful Etc the attitude that we carry with us throughout life has several Roots first we come into this world with certain genetic inclinations toward hostility greed empathy or kindness we can notice these

differences for instance in the case of the check off children who all had to respond to the same physical punishments of the father at a very early age Anton revealed a more ironic attitude prone to laughing at the world and seeing things with some Detachment this made it easier for him to reassess his father once he was on his own the other children lacked this ability to distance themselves and were more easily in mesed in in the father's brutality this would seem to indicate something different in the way Anton's brain was wired some children are

greedier than others they display from early on a greater need for attention they tend to always see what is missing what they are not getting from others second our earliest experiences and attachment schemas play a large role in shaping the attitude we internalize the voices of the mother and father figure if they were very authoritarian and judgemental we will tend to be harsher on ourselves than others and have a more critical bent toward everything we see equally important are the experiences we have outside the family as we get older when we love or admire someone

we tend to internalize a part of their presence and they shape how we see the world in a positive way this could be teachers mentors or peers negative and traumatic experiences can have a constricting effect they close our minds off to anything that might possibly make us re-experience the original pain our attitude is constantly being shaped by what happens to us but vestages of our earliest attitude always live on no matter how far he progressed czechav remains susceptible to feelings of depression and self-loathing what we must understand about the attitude is not only how it

colors our perceptions but also how it actively determines what happens to us in life our health our relations with people and our success our attitude has a self-fulfilling Dynamic look again at the scenario of the young man in Paris feeling somewhat tense and insecure he reacts defensively to mistakes that he makes in learning the language this makes it harder for him to learn which in turn makes meeting people more difficult which makes him feel more isolated the more his energy lowers from depression the more this cycle perpetuates itself his insecurities can also push people away

the way we think about about people tends to have a like effect upon them if we feel hostile and critical we tend to inspire critical emotions in other people if we feel defensive we make others feel defensive the attitude of the young man tends to lock him into this negative Dynamic the attitude of the young woman on the other hand triggers a positive Dynamic she is able to learn the language and meek people all of which elevates her mood and energy levels which makes her more attractive and interesting to others on and on although attitudes

come in many varieties and blends we can generally categorize them as negative and narrow or positive and expansive those with a negative attitude tend to operate from a basic position of fear toward life they unconsciously want to limit what they see and experience to give them more control those with a positive attitude have a much less fearful approach they are open to new experiences ideas and emotions if the attitude is like our lens on the world the negative attitude Narrows the aperture of this lens and the positive variety expands it as far as possible we

might move between these two poles but generally we tend to see the world with a more closed or open lens your task as a student of human nature is twofold first you must become aware of your own attitude and how it slant your perceptions it is hard to observe this in your day-to-day life because it is so close to you but there are ways to catch glimpses of it in action you can see it in how you judge people once they are out of your presence are you quick to focus on their negative qualities and

bad opinions or are you more generous and forgiving when it comes to their flaws you will see definite signs of your attitude and how you face adversity or resistance are you quick to forget or gloss over any mistakes on your part do you instinctively blame others for any bad things that happen to you do you dread any kind of change do you tend to keep to routines and to avoid anything unexpected or unusual do you get your backup when someone challenges your ideas and assumptions you will also catch signs of it in how people respond

to you particularly in a non-verbal way do you catch them being nervous or defensive in your presence do you tend to attract people who play the mother or father role in your life the mother or father role in your life the mother or father role in your life the mother or father role in your life the mother or father role in your life the mother or father once you have a good feel for the makeup of your own attitude it's negative or positive bent you have much greater power to alter it to move it more

in the positive direction second you must not only be aware of the role of your attitude but also believe in its supreme power to alter your circumstances you are not upon and again controlled by others you are are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules view your health as largely dependent on your attitude feeling excited and open to Adventure you can tap into energy reserves you did not know that you had the mind and the body are one and your thoughts affect your physical responses people can recover

much more quickly from illness through sheer desire and willpower you are not born with fixed intelligence and inherent limits see your brain as a miraculous organ designed for continual learning and Improvement well into old age the rich neural Connections in your brain your creative powers are something you develop to the degree that you open yourself up to new experiences and ideas view problems and failures as means to learn and toughen yourself up you can get through anything with persistence view the way people treat you as largely flowing from your own attitude something you can control

do not be afraid afraid to exaggerate the role of willpower it is an exaggeration with a purpose it leads to a positive self-fulfilling Dynamic and that is all you care about see this shaping of your attitude as your most important Creation in life and never leave it to Chance the constricted attitude life is inherently chaotic and unpredictable the human animal however does not react well to uncertainty people who feel particularly weak and vulnerable tend to adopt an attitude toward life that narrows what they experience so that they can reduce the possibility of unexpected events this

negative narrowing attitude often has its origins in early childhood some children have little Comfort or support in facing a frightening World they develop various psychological strategies to constrict what they have to see and experience they build up elaborate defenses to keep out other viewpoints they become increasingly self-absorbed in most situations they come to expect bad things to happen and their goals in life revolve around anticipating and neutralizing bad experiences to better control them as they get older this attitude becomes more entrenched and narrower making any kind of psychological growth nearly impossible these attitudes have a

self-sabotaging dynamic such people make others feel the same negative emotion that dominates their attitude which helps confirm them in their beliefs about people they do not see the role that their own actions play how they often are the instigators of the negative response they only see people persecuting them or bad luck overwhelming them by pushing people away they make it doubly hard to have any success in life and in their isolation their attitude gets worse they are caught in a vicious cycle the following are the five most common forms of the constricted attitude negative emotions

have a binding power a person who is angry is more prone to also feel suspicion deep insecurities resentment Etc and so we often find combinations of these various negative attitudes each one feeding and accentuating the other your goal is to recognize the various signs of such attitudes that exist in you in Laten and weakened forms and to root them out to see how they operate in a stronger version in other people better understanding their perspective on life and to learn how to handle people with such attitudes the hostile attitude some children exhibit a hostile attitude

at a very early age they interpret weaning and the natural separation from parents as hostile actions other children must deal with a parent who likes to punish and inflict hurt in both cases the child looks out on a world that seems Frau with hostility and their answer is to seek to control it by becoming the source of the hostility themselves at least then it is no longer so random and sudden as they get older they become Adept at stimulating anger and frustration in others which justifies their original attitude see people are against me I am

disliked and for no apparent reason in a relationship a husband with a hostile attitude will accuse his wife of not really loving him if she protests and becomes defensive he will see this as a sign that she has to try hard to disguise the truth if she is intimidated into silence he sees that as a sign that he was right all along in her confusion she can easily begin to feel some hostility on her part confirming his opinion people with this attitude have many other subtle tricks up their sleeve for provoking the hostility they secretly

want to feel directed at them withdrawing their cooperation on a project at just the wrong moment constantly being late doing a poor job deliberately making an unfavorable first impression but they never see themselves as playing any kind of role in instigating the reaction the their hostility permeates everything they do the way they argue and provoke the nasty undertone of their jokes the greediness with which they demand attention the pleasure they get out of criticizing others and seeing them fail you can recognize them by how they are easily moved to anger in these situations their life

as they describe it is full of battles betrayals persecutions but seemingly not originating from them in essence they are projecting their own hostile feelings onto other people and are primed to read them in almost any apparently innocent action their goal in life is to feel persecuted and to desire some form of Revenge such types generally have career problems as their anger and hostility frequently flare up this gives them something else to complain about and a basis on which to blame the world for being against them if you notice signs of this attitude in yourself such

self-awareness is a major step toward being able to get rid of it you can also will try a simple experiment approach people you were meeting for the first time or only know peripherally with various positive thoughts I like them they seem smart Etc none of this is verbalized but you do your best to feel such emotions if they respond with something hostile or defensive then perhaps the world is truly against you more than likely you will not see anything that could be remotely construed as negative in fact you will see the opposite clearly then the

source of any hostile response is you in dealing with the extremes of this type struggle as best you can to not respond with the antagonism they expect maintain your neutrality this will confound them and temporarily put a stop to the game they are playing they feed off your hostility so do not give them fuel the anxious attitude these types anticipate all kinds of obstacles and difficulties in any situation they face with with people they often expect some sort of criticism or even betrayal all of this stimulates unusual amounts of anxiety before the fact what they

really fear is losing control of the situation their solution is to limit what can possibly happen to narrow the world they deal with this means limiting where they go and what they'll attempt in a relationship they will suddenly dominate The Domestic rituals and habits they will seem brittle and demand extra careful attention this will dissuade people from criticizing them everything must be on their terms at work they will be ferocious perfectionists and micromanagers eventually sabotaging themselves by trying to keep on top of too many things once outside their comfort zone the home or the relationship

they dominate they become unusually fretful sometimes they can disguise their need for control as a form of love and concern when Franklin Roosevelt came down with polio in 1921 at the age of 39 his mother Sarah did all she could to restrict his life and keep him to one room in the house he would have to give up his political career and surrender to her care Franklin's wife Eleanor knew him better what he wanted and needed was to slowly get back to something resembling his old life it became a battle between the mother and the

daughter-in-law that Eleanor eventually won the mother was able to disguise her anxious attitude and need to dominate her son through her apparent love transforming him into a helpless invalid another disguise similar to such love is to seek to please and cajo people in order to disarm any possible unpredictable and unfriendly action if you notice such tendencies in yourself the best antidote is to pour your energies into work focusing your attention outward into a project of some sort will have a coming effect as long as you reign in your perfectionistic Tendencies you can Channel your need

to control into something productive with people try to slowly open yourself to their habits and pace of doing things instead of the opposite this can show you that you have nothing to fear by loosening control deliberately Place yourself in the circumstances you most dread discovering that your fears are grossly exaggerated you are slowly introducing a bit of chaos into your overly ordered life in dealing with those with this attitude try to not feel infected with their anxiety and instead try to provide the soothing influence they so lacked in their earliest years if you radiate calmness

your manner will have greater effect than your words the avoidant attitude people with this attitude see the world through the lens of their insecurities generally related to doubts about their competence and intelligence perhaps as children they were made to feel guilty and uncomfortable with any efforts to Excel and stand out from siblings or they were made to feel bad about any kind of mistake or possible misbehavior what they came to dread most was the Judgment of their parents as these people get older their main goal in life is to avoid any kind of responsibility or

challenge in which their self-esteem might be at stake and for which they can be judged if they do not try too hard in life they cannot fail or be criticized to enact this strategy they will constantly seek Escape Routes consciously or unconsciously they will find the perfect reason for leaving a job early and changing careers or breaking off a relationship in the middle of some high stakes project they will suddenly develop an illness that will cause them to leave they are prone to all kinds of psychosomatic maladies or they become alcoholics addicts of some sort

always falling off the wagon at the right time but blaming this on the disease they have and their bad upbringing that caused their addiction if it weren't for alcohol they could have been a great writer or entrepreneur so so they say other strategies will include wasting time and starting too late on something always with some built-in excuse for why that happened they then cannot be blamed for the mediocre results these types find it hard to commit to anything for a good reason if they remained at a job or in a relationship their flaws might become

too apparent to others better to slip away at the right moment and maintain the illusion to themselves and to others of their possible greatness if only although they are generally motivated by the great fear of failing and the judgments that ensue they are also secretly afraid of success for with success come responsibilities and the need to live up to them success might also trigger their early fears about standing out and excelling you can easily recognize such people by their checkered careers and their short-term personal relationships they may try to disguise the source of their problems

by seeming Sly they look down on success and people who have have to prove themselves often they will present themselves as Noble idealists propagating ideas that will never come to pass but that will add to the saintly Aura they wish to project having to enact ideals might expose them to criticism or failure so they choose those that are too lofty and unrealistic for The Times They Live in do not be fooled by the holier than th front they present look at their actions the lack of accomplishments the great projects they never start on always with

a good excuse if you notice traces of this attitude in yourself a good strategy is to take on a project of even the smallest scale taking it all the way to completion and embracing the prospect of failure if you fail you will have already cushioned the blow because you anticipated it and inevitably it will not hurt as much as you had imagined your self-esteem will rise because you finally tried something and finished it once you diminish this fear progress will be easy you will want to try again and if you succeed all the better either

way you win when you find others with this attitude be very wary of forming Partnerships with them they are Masters at slipping away at the wrong moment and getting you to do all of the hard work and take the blame if it fails at all costs avoid the temptation to help or rescue them from their negativity they are too good at the avoidance game the depressive attitude as children these types did not feel loved or respected by their parents for helpless children it is too much to imagine that their parents could be wrong or flawed

in their parenting even if unloved they still are dependent on them and so their defense is to often internalize the negative judgment and imagine that they are indeed Unworthy of being loved that there is something actually wrong with them in this way they can maintain the illusion that their parents are strong and competent all of this occurs quite unconsciously but the feeling of being worthless will haunt such people their entire lives deep down they will feel ashamed of who they are and not really know why they feel this way as adults they will anticipate abandonment

loss and sadness in their experiences and see signs of potentially depressing things in the world around them they are secretly drawn to what is gloomy in the world to the seamy side of life if they can manufacture some of the depression they feel in this way it at least is under their control they are consoled by the thought that the world is a dreary place a strategy they will employ throughout their lives is to temporarily withdraw from life and from people this will feed their depression and also make it something they can manage to some

extent as opposed to traumatic experiences imposed upon them an excellent example of this type was The Talented German composer and conductor Hans Von buo In 1855 Von buo met and fell in love with Kima list the charismatic daughter of the composer Fran's list kosimo was drawn to Von bu's air of sadness he lived with his domineering and hostile mother and Kima had great sympathy for him she wanted to rescue Von buo and transform him into a great composer they were soon married as time went on Kima could see that he felt quite inferior in relation

to her intelligence and strong will soon he began to question her love for him he continually withdrew from her during his bouts of depression when she became pregnant he suddenly developed some mysterious ailment that prevented him from being with her without warning he could become quite cold feeling unloved and neglected she began an affair with the famous composer Richard Vagner who was a friend and colleague of Von buos kosa had the feeling that Von buo had unconsciously encouraged their Affair when she eventually left Von buo to live with Wagner Von buo bombarded her with letters

blaming himself for what had happened he was Unworthy of her love he would then go on about the bad turn in his career his various illnesses his Suicidal Tendencies although he criticized himself she could not help but feel guilty and depressed for somehow being responsible recounting all of his wo seemed like his subtle way of wounding her she compared each letter to a sword Twisted in my heart and they kept coming year after year until he remarried and repeated the same pattern with his new wife these types often have a secret need to wound others

encouraging behaviors such as betrayal or criticism that will feed their depression they will also sabotage themselves if they experience any kind of success feeling deep down that they don't deserve it they will develop blocks in their work or take criticism to mean they should not continue with their career depressive types can often attract people to them because of their sensitive nature they stimulate the desire to want to help them but like Von buo they will start to criticize and wound the ones who wish to help then withdraw again this push and pull causes confusion but

once under their spell it is hard to disengage from them without feeling guilty they have a gift for making other people feel depressed in their presence this gives them more fuel to feed off most of us have depressive Tendencies and moments the best way to handle them is to be aware of their necessity they are our bod's and mind's way of compelling us to slow down to lower our energies and withdraw depressive Cycles can serve positive purposes the solution is to realize their usefulness and temporary quality the depression you feel today will not be with

you in a week and you can ride it out if possible find ways to elevate your energy level which will physically help lift you out of the mood the best way to handle Rec current depression is to channel your energies into work especially the Arts you are used to withdrawing and being alone use such time to tap into your unconscious externalize your unusual sensitivity and your dark feelings into the work itself never try to lift up depressive people by preaching to them about the wonderfulness of Life instead it is best to go along with their

gloomy opinion of the world while suddenly drawing them into positive experiences that can Elevate their moods and energy without any direct appeal the resentful attitude as children these types never felt they got enough parental love and affection they were always greedy for more attention they carry this sense of dissatisfaction and disappointment with them throughout their lives they are never quite getting the recognition they deserve they are experts at scanning people's faces for signs of possible disrespect or disdain they see everything in relation to themselves if someone has more than they do it is a sign

of Injustice a personal affront when they feel this lack of respect and recognition they do not explode in Anger they are generally cautious and like to control their emotions instead the hurt incubates inside them the sense of Injustice growing stronger as they reflect on this they do not easily forget at some point they will take their revenge in some shrewdly plotted Act of sabotage or passive aggression because they they have a continual feeling of being wronged they tend to project this onto the world seeing oppressors everywhere in this way they often become the leader of

those who feel disaffected and oppressed if such types get power they can become quite vicious and vengeful finally able to vent their resentments on various victims in general they carry themselves with an air of arrogance they are above others even if no one recognizes this they carry their head a little too high they frequently have a slight smirk or look of disdain as they get older they are prone to pick pity battles unable to completely contain their resentments that have accumulated over time their bitter attitude pushes a lot of people away and so they often

end up congregating with others who have this attitude as their form of community the Roman Emperor Tiberius is perhaps the most classic example of this type as a child his tutor noticed something wrong with the boy he is a picture molded with blood and bile the tutor once wrote to a friend the writer suetonius who knew Tiberius described him as follows he carried himself with his head held proudly high he was almost always silent never saying a word except now and again and even then he did so with extreme reluctance at the same time always

making a disdainful gesture with his fingers Emperor Augustus his stepfather had to continually apologize to the senate for his displeasing manners full of haughtiness tiberias hated his mother she never loved him enough he never felt appreciated by Augustus or his soldiers or the Roman people when he became emperor he slowly and methodically took revenge on those who he felt had slighted him and such Revenge would be cold and cruel as he got older he became increasingly unpopular his enemies were Legion feeling the hatred of his subjects he retired to the island of Capri where he

spent the last 11 years of his Reign almost completely avoiding Rome he was known to repeat to others in his last years after me let fire destroy the Earth and his death Rome exploded with celebration the crowds voicing their feelings with the famous phrase into the Tyber with Tiberius if you notice resentful Tendencies within yourself the best antidote is to learn to let go of hurts and disappointments in life it is better to explode into anger in the moment even it if it's irrational than to Stew on slights that you have probably hallucinated or exaggerated

people are generally indifferent to your fate not as antagonistic as you imagine very few of their actions are really directed at you stop seeing everything in personal terms respect is something that must be earned through your achievements not something given to you simply for Being Human you must break out of the resentful cycle by becoming more generous toward people and human nature and in dealing with such types you must exercise Supreme caution although they might smile and seem Pleasant they are actually scrutinizing you for any possible insult you can recognize them by their history of

past battles and sudden breaks with people as well as how easily they judge others you might try to slowly gain their trust and lower their suspicions but be aware that the longer you are around them the more fuel you will give them for something to resent and their response can be quite vicious better better to avoid this type if possible the expansive attitude some 50 years ago many medical experts began to think of Health in a new and revolutionary way instead of focusing on specific problems such as digestion or skin ailments or the condition of

the heart they decided it was much better to look at the human body as a whole if people improved their diet and their exercise habits this would have a beneficial effect on all of the organs because the body is an interconnected ho this seems obvious to us now but such an organic way of thinking is great application to our psychological Health as well now more than ever people focus on their specific problems their depression their lack of motivation their social inadequacies their boredom but what governs all of these seemingly separate problems is our attitude how

we view the world on a daily basis it is how we see and interpret events improve the overall attitude and everything else will Elevate his well well creative Powers the ability to handle stress confidence levels relationships with people it was an idea first promulgated in the 1890s by the Great American psychologist William James but it remains a revolution waiting to happen a negative constricting attitude is designed to narrow down the richness of Life at the cost of our creative Powers our sense of fulfillment our social pleasures and our Vital energies without wasting another day under

such conditions your goal goal is to break out to expand what you see and what you experience you want to open the aperture of the lens as wide as you can here is your road map how to view the world see yourself as an Explorer with the gift of Consciousness you stand before a vast and unknown universe that we humans have just begun to investigate most people prefer to cling to certain ideas and principles many of them adopted early on in life they are secretly afraid of what is unfamiliar familar and uncertain they replace curiosity

with conviction by the time they are 30 they act as if they know everything they need to know as an Explorer you leave all that certainty behind you you are in continual search of new ideas and new ways of thinking you see no limits to where your mind can Roam and you are not concerned with suddenly appearing inconsistent or developing ideas that directly contradict what you believed a few months before ideas are things to play with with if you hold on to them for too long they become something dead you are returning to your childlike

spirit and curiosity from before you had an ego and being right was more important than connecting to the world you explore all forms of Knowledge from all cultures and time periods you want to be challenged by opening the mind in this way you will unleash unrealized creative powers and you will give yourself great mental pleasure as part of this be be open to exploring the insights that come from your own unconscious as revealed in your dreams in moments of tiredness and in the repressed desires that leak out in certain moments you have nothing to be

afraid of or to repress there the unconscious is merely one more realm for you to freely explore how to view adversity our life inevitably involves obstacles frustrations pain and separations how we come to handle such moments in our early years plays a large role in the development of our overall attitude toward life for many people such difficult moments Inspire them to restrict what they see and experience they go through life trying to avoid any kind of adversity even if this means never really challenging themselves or getting much success in their careers instead of learning from

negative experiences they want to repress them your goal is to move in the opposite direction to embrace all obstacles as learning experiences as means to getting stronger and this way you Embrace life itself by 1928 the actress John Crawford had a reasonably successful career in Hollywood but she was feeling increasingly frustrated by the Limited roles she was receiving she saw other less talented actresses Vault ahead of her perhaps the problem was that she was not assertive enough she decided she needed to voice her opinion to one of the most powerful production Chiefs on the MGM

lot Irving thalberg little did she realize that thalberg viewed this as impudence and that he was vindictive by Nature he therefore cast her in a western knowing that was the last thing she wanted and that such a fate was a dead end for many an actress Joan had learned her lesson and decided to embrace her fate she made herself love the genre she became an expert writer she R up on the old west and became fascinated by its folklore if that's what it took to get ahead she decided to become the leading actress of Western

at the very least this would expand her acting skills this became her lifelong attitude toward work in the Supreme challenges and actress faced in Hollywood where careers were generally very short every setback was a chance to grow and develop in 1946 20-year-old Malcolm little began serving an 8 to 10e prison sentenced for burglary prison generally has the effect of hardening the criminal and narrowing his already narrow view of the world instead Malcolm decided to reassess his life he began to spend time in the prison library and fell in love with books and learning as he

saw it now prison afforded him the best possible means of changing himself and his attitude toward life with so much time on his hands he could study and earn himself a degree he could develop the discipline he had always been missing he could train himself to become an expert speaker he embraced the experience without any bitterness and emerged stronger than ever once he left prison he saw any difficulty large or small as a means to test and toughen himself although adversity and pain are generally beyond your control you have the power to determine your response

and the Fate that comes from that how to view yourself as we get older we tend to place limits on how far we can go in life over the years we internalize the criticisms and doubts of others by accepting what we think to be the limits of our intelligence and creative Powers we create a self-fulfilling dynamic they become our limits you do not need to be so humble and self-effacing in this world such humility is not a virtue but is rather a value that people promote to help keep you down whatever you are doing now

you are in fact capable of much more and by thinking that you will create a very different dynamic in ancient times many great leaders such as Alexander the Great and Julia Caesar felt that they were descended from gods and part Divine such self-belief would translate into high levels of confidence that others would feed off and recognize it became a self-fulfilling prophecy you do not need to indulge in such grandiose thoughts but feeling that you are destined for something great or important will give you a degree of resilience when people oppose or resist you you will

not internalize the doubts that come from such moments you will have an Enterprise Spirit you will continually try new things even taking risks confident in your ability to bounce back from failures and feeling destined to succeed when czechav had the Epiphany about the ultimate Freedom he could create for himself he had what the American psychologist Abraham moso called the peak experience these are moments in which you are lifted out of The Daily Grind and you sense that there is something larger and more Sublime in life that you have been missing in the case of czechav

it was sparked by by a crisis by loneliness and it led to the sensation of complete acceptance of people and the world around him these moments can come from exerting yourself past what you thought were your limits they can come from overcoming great obstacles climbing a mountain taking a trip to a very different culture or the Deep bonding that comes from any form of love you want to deliberately go in search of such moments stimulate them if you can they have the effect as they did with czechav of altering your ude for good they expand

what you think about your possibilities and about life itself and the memory is something you will always return to for Supreme inspiration in general this way of looking at yourself runs counter to the cool ironic attitude that many people like to assume in the postmodern world never too ambitious never too positive about things or life always affecting a nonchalant and very false humility such types see the positive expansive attitude as polanish and and simple-minded but really their cool attitude is a clever mask for their great fears of embarrassing themselves of failing of showing too much

emotion as with all such Trends in culture the cool attitude will eventually fade away a remnant of the early 21st century moving in the opposite direction you are much more Progressive how to view your energy and health although we are all mortal and subject to illnesses beyond our control we must recognize the role that will power our plays in our health we have all felt this to some degree or another when we fall in love or feel excited by our work suddenly we have more energy and recover quickly from any illnesses when we are depressed

or unusually stressed we become prey to all kinds of ailments our attitude plays an enormous role in our health one that science has begun to explore and will examine in more depth in the coming decades in general you can safely push yourself Beyond with what you think are your physical limits by feeling excited and challenged by a project or Endeavor people get old and prematurely age by accepting physical limits to what they can do making it a self-fulfilling cycle those who age well continue to engage in physical activity only moderately adjusted you have Wellsprings of

energy and health you have yet to tap into how to view other people first you must try to get rid of the natural tendency to take what people do and say is something personal directed at you particularly if what they say or do is unpleasant even when they criticize you or act against your interests more often than not it stems from some deep earlier pain they are reliving you become the convenient Target of frustrations and resentments that have been accumulating over the years they are projecting their own negative feelings if you can view people this

way you will find it easier to not react and get upset or become embroiled in some petty battle if the person is TR truly malicious by not becoming emotional yourself you will be in a better place to plot the proper counter move you will save yourself from accumulating hurts and bitter feelings see people as facts of nature they come in all varieties like flowers or rocks there are fools and Saints and sociopaths and egomaniacs and Noble Warriors there are the sensitive and the insensitive they all play a role in our social ecology this does not

mean we cannot struggle to change the harmful behavior of the people who are close to us or in our sphere of influence but we cannot re-engineer human nature and even if we somehow succeeded the result could be a lot worse than what we have you must accept diversity and the fact that people are what they are that they are different from you should not be felt as a challenge to Your Ego or self-esteem but as something to welcome and embrace from this more neutral stance you can then try to understand the people you deal with

on a deeper level as shov did with his father the more you do this the more tolerant you will tend to become toward people and toward human nature in general you're open generous spirit will make your social interactions much smoother and people will be drawn to you finally think of the modern concept of attitude in terms of the ancient concept of the soul the concept of the soul is found in almost all indigenous cultures and in premodern civilizations it originally referred to external spirit spiritual forces permeating the universe and contained in the individual human in

the form of the soul the soul is not the mind or the bed but rather the overall Spirit we embody our way of experiencing the world it is what makes a person an individual and the concept of the Soul was related to the earliest ideas of Personality under this concept a person's soul could have depths some people possessed a greater degree of this spiritual Force had more of a soul others had a personality lacking in this force and were somewhat soulless this is great relevance to our idea of the attitude in our modern conception of

the Soul we replace this external spiritual force with life itself or what can be described as the life force life is inherently complex and unpredictable its power is far beyond anything we can ever completely comprehend or control this life force is reflected in nature and Human Society by the remarkable diversity we find in both Realms on the one side we find people whose goal in life is to inhibit and control this life force this leads them to self-destructive strategies they have to limit their thoughts and remain true to ideas that have lost their relevance they

have to limit what they experience everything is about them and their Petty needs and personal problems they often become obsessed with a particular goal that dominates all of their thoughts such as making money or getting attention all of this renders them dead inside as they close themselves off to the richness of life and the variety of human experience in this way they Veer toward the soulless an internal lack of depth and flexibility your goal must be to always move in the opposite direction you ReDiscover the Curiosity you once had as a child everything and everyone

is a source of Fascination to you you keep learning continually expanding what you know and what you experience with people you feel generous and tolerant even with your enemies and with those trapped in the soulless condition you do not enslave yourself to bitterness or ranker instead of blaming others for circumstances you see the role that your own attitude and actions played in any failure you adapt to circumstances instead of complaining about them you accept and embrace uncertainty and the unexpected as valuable qualities of life in this way your soul expands to the counters of life

itself and fills itself with this life force learn to measure the people you deal with by the depth of their soul and if possible associate as much as you can with those of the expansive variety this is why the same external events or circumstances affect no two people alike even with perfectly similar surroundings everyone lives in a world of his own the world in which a man lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he looks at it and so it proves different to different men to one it is Barren dull and superficial to

another Rich interesting and full of meaning on hearing of the interesting events which have happened in the course of a man's experience many people will wish that similar things had happened in their lives too completely forgetting that they should be envious rather of the mental aptitude which lent those events the significance they possess when he describes them by Arthur schopenhauer n confront your dark side the law of repression people are rarely who they seem to be lurking beneath their polite affable exterior is inevitably a dark shadow side consisting of the insecurities and the aggressive selfish

impulses they repress and carefully conceal from public view this dark side leaks out in behavior that will baffle and harm you learn to recognize the signs of the Shadow before they become toxic see people's overt traits toughness saintliness Etc as covering up the opposite quality you must become aware of your own dark side in being conscious of it you can control and channel the creative energies that lurk in your unconscious by integrating the dark side into your personality you will be a more complete human and will radiate an authenticity that will draw people to you

authenticity that will draw people to you authenticity that will draw people to you authenticity that will draw people to you authenticity that will draw people to you the dark side on November 5th 1968 Republican Richard Nixon accomplished perhaps the greatest comeback in American political history narrowly defeating his Democratic rival Hubert Humphrey to become the 37th President of the United States only 8 years earlier he had lost his first attempt at the presidency to John F Kennedy in a devastating fashion the election was extremely close but clearly some voting Shenanigans in Illinois orchestrated by the Democratic

Party Machine in Chicago played a role in his defeat two years later he lost badly in the race to become the governor of California bitter at how the Press had hounded and provoked him throughout the race he addressed the media the day after this defeat and concluded by saying just think of how much you're going to be missing you won't have Nixon to kick around anymore because gentlemen this is my last press conference the response to these words was overwhelmingly negative he was accused of wallowing in self-pity ABC News ran a half hour special called

the political obituary of Richard Nixon a Time magazine article on him concluded barring a miracle Richard Nixon can never hope to be elected to any political office again by all accounts his political career should have been over in 1962 but Richard Nixon's life had been an endless series of crises and setbacks that had only made him more determined as a young man his dream was to attend an Ivy League school the key to attaining power in America young Richard was exceptionally ambitious his family however was relatively poor and could not afford to pay for such

an education he overcame this seemingly ins superable barrier by transforming himself into a superior student earning the nickname iron but for is in human work habits and managed to land a scholarship to the law school at Duke University to keep the scholarship he had to remain at the top of his class which he did through the kind of hard work few others could endure after after several years in the US Senate in 1952 Dwight D Eisenhower had chosen him to be his running mate as vice president on the Republican ticket but quickly regretted the choice

Nixon had kept a secret fund from the Republican party that he had supposedly used for private purposes in fact he was innocent of the charges but Eisenhower did not feel comfortable with him and this was the excuse to get rid of him cutting him loose in this way would almost certainly ruin Nixon's political career once again he rose to the challenge appearing on live television and delivering the speech of his life defending himself against the charges it was so effective the public clamored for Eisenhower to keep him on the ticket he went on to serve

eight years as vice president and so the crushing defeats of 1960 and 1962 would again be the means of toughening himself up and resurrecting his career he was like a cat with nine lives nothing could kill him he laid low for a few years then came charging back for the 1968 election he was now the new Nixon more relaxed and affable a man who liked bowling in corny jokes and Having learned all the lessons from his various defeats he ran one of the smoothest and savviest campaigns in modern history and made all of his enemies

and doubters eat crow when he defeated Humphrey in becoming president he had seemingly reached the Apex of power but in his mind there was was yet one more challenge to overcome perhaps the greatest of all Nixon's liberal enemies saw him as a political animal one who would resort to any kind of trickery to win an election to the east coast Elites who hated him he was the hick from Whittier California too obvious in his ambition Nixon was determined to prove them all wrong he was not who they thought he was he was an idealist at

heart not a ruthless politician his beloved mother Hannah was a devout Quaker who had instilled in him the importance of treating all people equally and promoting peace in the world he wanted to craft a legacy as one of the greatest Presidents in history for the sake of his mother who had died earlier that year he wanted to embody her Quaker ideals and show his detractors How Deeply they had misread him his political icons were men like French president Charles deal whom he had met and greatly admired deal had crafted a Persona that radiated Authority and

love of country Nixon would do the same in his notebooks he began to refer to himself as RN the world leader version of himself RN would be strong Resolute compassionate yet completely masculine the America he was to lead was Riven by anti-war protests riots in the cities a rising crime rate he would end the war and work toward World Peace at home he would bring prosperity to all Americans stand for Law and Order and instill still a sense of decency the country had lost accomplishing this he would take his place among the presidents he revered

Abraham Lincoln and woodro Wilson and he would will this into existence as he always had done in his first months he moved quickly he assembled a top-notch cabinet including the brilliant Henry Kissinger as his National Security adviser for his personal staff he preferred clean-cut young men who would be fiercely loyal to him and serve as tools to realize his great Ambitions for America this would include Bob halderman his chief of staff John erckman in charge of domestic policy John Dean the White House counsel and Charles Coulson a White House Aid he didn't want intellectuals around

him he wanted go-getters but Nixon was not naive he understood that in politics loyalty was ephemeral and so early on in his administration he installed a secret voice activated taping system throughout the White House that only a select few would know about in this way he could keep discreet tabs on his staff and preemptively discover any possible turncoats or leakers among them it would provide evidence he could use later on if anyone tried to misrepresent any conversations with him and best of all once his presidency was over the edited tapes could be used to demonstrate

his greatness as a leader the clear and rational way he came to his decisions the tapes would secure his legacy as the first few years went by Nixon worked to execute his plan he was an active president he signed bills to protect the environment the health of workers and the rights of consumers on the foreign front he struggled to wind down the war in Vietnam with limited success but soon he laid the groundwork for his first visit to the Soviet Union and his celebrated trip to China and signed into law and agreement with the Soviets

to limit the proliferation of nuclear weapons this was just a the start of what he would bring about and yet despite the relative smoothness of these First Years something strange began to stir within Richard Nixon he could not shake these feelings of anxiety something he had been prone to his entire life it started to come out in his closed door meetings with his personal staff late at night over some drinks Nixon would begin to share with them stories from his colorful past and in the process he would go over some of his old political wounds

and bitterness would Rise Up from deep within in he was particularly obsessed with the aler his case aler his was an important staffer in the state department who in 1948 had been accused of being a communist spy his denied the charges Dapper and elegant he was the darling of the Liberals Nixon at the time a junior congressman from California smelled the phony while other Congressman decided to leave his alone Nixon representing the house unamerican Activities Committee kept investigating in an interview with his as Nixon reminded him of the law against perjury his replied I am

familiar with the law I attended Harvard Law School I believe yours was Wittier Relentless in his pursuit of his Nixon was successful in getting him indicted for perjury and his went to prison this Victory made Nixon famous but as he told his staff members it earned him the Eternal Wrath of East Coast Elites who saw him as the uous upstart from Whittier in the 1950s these Elites many of them Harvard graduates quietly kept Nixon and his wife Pat out of their Social Circles limiting Nixon's political contacts their allies in the Press ridiculed him mercilessly for

any misstatement or a possible misdeed yes Nixon was no angel he liked winning but the hypocrisy of these liberals Gall him Bobby Kennedy was the king of political dirty tricks and yet what reporter publicized this as he went deeper and deeper into these stories night after night with his staff he reminded them that this past was still very much alive the old enemies were still at work against him there was CBS correspondent Daniel Shore who seemed to hate Nixon with unusual Zeal his reports from Vietnam always managed to highlight the worst aspects of the war

and make Nixon look bad there was Katherine Graham the owner of the Washington Post a newspaper that seemed to have a personal Vendetta against him going back many years she was the Doan of the Georgetown Social Scene which had snubbed him and Pat for years worst of all there was Larry O'Brien now the chairman of the democratic party who was a key adviser in the Kennedy administration had managed to get Nixon audited by the IRS as Nixon saw it O'Brien was the Evil Genius of politics a man who would do anything to prevent Nixon's reelection

in 1972 his enemies were everywhere and they were Relentless planting negative stories in the Press procuring embarrassing leaks from within the bureaucracy spying on him ready to pounce on the slightest whff of Scandal and what he would ask his staff are we doing on our side if his team did nothing to respond to this they would have only themselves to blame his legacy his Ambitions were at stake as the stories began to pile up of anti-war demonstrations and leaks about his administration's Vietnam war effort Nixon became RedHot with anger and frustration the talk with his

staff heating up on both sides once as Coulson talked about getting revenge on some particularly nettlesome opponents Nixon chimed in one day we will get them we'll get them on the ground where we want them and then we'll stick our heels in step on them hard and twist right Chuck right when informed that many of the staff at the Bureau of Labor Statistics were Jews he felt that was probably the reason for some bad economic numbers coming from there the government is full of Jews he told Haldeman most Jews are disloyal they were the Mainstay

of the East Coast establishment that worked so hard against him another time he told halderman please give me the names of the Jews you know the big Jewish contributors to the Democrats could we please investigate some of the cockers auditing them would be in order he had other harsh ideas for how to hurt Katherine gram and embarrass Daniel Shore Nixon also began to feel increasingly anxious about his Public Image so critical to his legacy he badgered his staff and even Henry Kissinger to promote to the press his strong leadership style in interviews they should refer

to him as Mr peace and Kissinger should not be getting so much credit he wanted to know what the Elites at the parties in Georgetown were saying about him were they finally changing their minds in any way about Richard Nixon despite his nervousness by 1972 it was clear that events were lining up well for him his Democratic opponent in his reelection bid would be Senator George McGovern a DieHard liberal Nixon was ahead in the polls but he wanted much more he wanted a complete Landslide and mandate from the public certain that men like O'Brien had

some tricks up their sleeve he began to rail at halderman to do some spying and get some dirt on the Democrats he wanted Haldeman to assemble a team of nut Cutters to do the necessary dirty work with maximum efficiency he would leave the details up to him much to his Chagrin in June of that year Nixon read in the Washington Post of a botched break-in at the Watergate hotel in which a group of men had attempted to plant bugs in the offices of Larry O'Brien this led to the arrest of three men James McCord e

Howard hunt and G Gordon lyy with ties to the committee for the reelection of President Nixon the break-in was so badly done that Nixon suspected it was all a setup by the Democrats this was not the efficient team of net Cutters he had advocated a few days later on June 23rd he discussed the break-in with halderman the FBI was investigating the case some of the men arrested were former CIA operatives perhaps halder and proposed they could get top brass in the CIA to put pressure on the FBI to drop the investigation Nixon approved he told

halderman I'm not going to get that involved halderman responded no sir we don't want you to but Nixon then added play it tough that's the way they play and that's the way we're going to play it Nixon put his counsel John Dean in charge of the internal investigation with clear instructions that he should Stonewall the FBI and cover up any connections to the White House anyway Nixon had never directly ordered to break in Watergate was a trifle nothing to tarnish his reputation it would Fade Away along with all the other dirty political Deeds never discovered

or recorded in the history books and indeed he was correct for the time being the public paid little attention to the break-in Nixon went on to have one of the biggest landslides in electoral history he swept every state except Massachusetts and the District of Colombia he even won over a large percentage of Democrats he now had four more years to solidify his legacy and nothing to stop him his popularity numbers had never been higher Watergate however kept coming back to life and would not leave him alone in January 1973 the Senate decided to launch an

investigation in March mcord finally spilled the beans implicating various members of The White House staff in The Ordering of the break-in hunt began demanding hush money to not reveal what he knew the way out of this mess was simple and clear hire an outside lawyer to do an internal investigation of the break-in with the full cooperation of Nixon and his team and bring all the details to light Nixon's reputation would suffer some would go to prison but it would keep him politically alive and he was the master of coming back from the dead Nixon however

could not take such a step there would be too much immediate damage the thought of coming clean about what he knew and had ordered frightened him to death in meetings with Dean he continued to discuss the coverup even suggesting where they could come up with hush money Dean cautioned him to not get so involved but Nixon seemed oddly fascinated by the growing mess he had created and unable to pull himself away soon he was forced to Fire halderman and Erman both of whom had been deeply implicated in the Breakin it was an ordeal to get

him to personally fire them and when it came to delivering the news to Erman he broke down and sobbed but it seemed that nothing he did could stop the momentum of the Watergate investigation which got closer and closer to Nixon making him feel like a trapped rat on July 19th 1973 he received the worst news of all the senate committee investigating Watergate had learned of the secret taping system installed in the white house and they demanded that the tapes be handed over to them as evidence all Nixon could think about was the intense embarrassment that

would ensue if the tapes went public they would make him the laughing stock of the world think of the language that he had used and the many harsh things he had advocated His Image his legacy all the ideals he had striven to realize it would all be ruined in one fell stroke he thought of his mother and his own family they had never heard him speak as he had done in the privacy of his own office it was as if he were another person on those tapes Alexander hay who who was now his chief of

staff told Nixon he had to tear out the taping system and destroy the tapes immediately before receiving an official subpoena Nixon seemed paralyzed destroying the tapes would be an admission of guilt perhaps the tapes would exonerate him as they would prove he had never directly ordered the Breakin but the thought of any of these tapes becoming public terrified him he went back and forth on this in his mind but in the end he decided to not destroy them by invoking executive privilege he would resist handing them over finally as pressure mounted in April 1974 Nixon

decided to release edited transcripts of the tapes in the form of a 1,200 page book and hope for the best the public was horrified by what it read yes many had thought him slippery and devious but the forceful language the swearing the sometimes hysterical paranoid tone of his conversation and the utter lack of compunction or hesitation in ordering various illegal acts revealed a side of Nixon they had never suspected even members of his family were shocked when it came to Watergate he seemed very weak and indecisive not at all the deal image he wanted to

project he never once showed the slightest desire to get it the truth and punish the wrongdoers where was the man of Law and Order on July 24th came the final blow the supreme court ordered him to hand over the tapes themselves and among them would be the recorded conversation of June 23rd 1972 in which he had approved of using the CIA to quash the FBI investigation this was The Smoking Gun that revealed his involvement in the coverup from early on Nixon was doed and although it was against everything he believed in by early August he

decided to resign the morning after he delivered his resignation speech to the country Nixon addressed his staff one last time and fighting to control his emotions he concluded never get discouraged never be Petty always remember Others May hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them and then you destroy yourself along with his family he then got into the helicopter that was to take him into Political Exile interpretation for those who worked closely with Richard Nixon the man was an enigma according to his chief speech writer Ray Price there were two

Nixons one light one dark the light Nixon was exceptionally considerate exceptionally caring sentimental generous of spirit kind the dark Nixon was angry vindictive ill-tempered mean-spirited he saw both sides as being at constant war with one another but perhaps the most perceptive Observer of Nixon the one closest to figuring out the Enigma was Henry Kissinger who made a point of studying him closely so that he could manage and even play him for his own purposes and according to Kissinger the key to Nixon and his split personality ity must somehow lie in his childhood can you imagine

Kissinger once observed what this man would have been like if somebody had loved him as an infant Nixon seemed to be unusually needy he was a notorious crybaby it took great effort to sooth him and he was continually bursting into sobs he wanted more attention more fussing after him and he was quite manipulative if he did not get these things his parents did not like this aspect of their child growing up in the pioneer days of Southern California they preferred to have a stoic self-reliant child Nixon's father could be physically abusive and cold his mother

was more caring but frequently depressed and very moody she had to deal with the business failures of her husband and two sickly Brothers of Richard who died at Young ages she had to frequently leave Richard alone for months to attend to his brothers which Richard must have experienced as some kind of Abandonment and in dealing with his difficult parents the personality of Nixon was formed seeking to overcome and disguise his vulnerabilities he created a Persona that served him well first with his family and later with the public for this Persona he accentuated his own strengths

and developed new ones he became supremely tough resilient Fierce decisive rational and not someone to mess with particularly in debate but the weak and vulnerable child within does not miraculous l ly disappear if its needs have never been met or dealt with its presence sinks into the unconscious into the Shadows of the personality waiting to come out in strange ways it becomes the dark side with Nixon whenever he experienced stress or unusual levels of anxiety this dark side would stir from deep within in the form of potent insecurities suspicions sudden outbursts and Tantrums and Powerful

desires to manipulate and harm those he believed had crossed him Nixon repressed and denied this side of himself with vehement even up to the very end in his last words to his staff he frequently told people he never cried or held grudges or cared what others thought of him the opposite of the truth for much of the time he played his role well as RN but when the shadow stirred strange Behavior emerged giving people who saw him on a regular basis the impression they were indeed dealing with two Nixons to Kissinger it was like seeing

the loved Child come back to life Nixon's Dark Side finally became something tangible in form of the tapes Nixon knew that everything he said was being recorded and yet he never held back or filtered what he was saying he insulted close friends behind their backs indulged in Wild bouts of paranoia and revenge fantasies waffled over the simplest decisions he was a man who greatly feared the slightest internal leak and suspected betrayal in almost anyone around him and yet he entrusted his fate to tapes that he believed would never be made public in an unedited form

even when it seemed that they could become public and he was advised to destroy them he held on to them mesmerized by this other Nixon that had emerged it was as if he secretly desired his own punishment the child and the dark side taking revenge for being so deeply denied understand the story of Nixon is closer to you and your reality than you might like to imagine like Nixon you have crafted a public Persona that accentuates your strengths and conceals your weaknesses like him you have repressed the less socially acceptable traits you naturally possessed as

a child you have become terribly nice and pleasant and like him you have a dark side one that you are loath to admit or examine it contains your deepest insecurities your secret desires to hurt people even those close to you your fantasies of Revenge your suspicions about others your Hunger for More attention and power this dark side haunts your dreams it leaks out in moments of inexplicable depression unusual anxiety touchy moods sudden neediness and suspicious thoughts it comes out in off-hand comments you later regret and sometimes as with Nixon it even leads to destructive Behavior

you will tend to blame circumstances or other people for these moods and behavior but they keep recurring because you are unaware of their Source depression and anxiety come from not being your complete self from always playing a role it requires Great energy to keep this dark side at Bay but at times unpleasant Behavior leaks out as a way to release the inner tension your task as a student of human nature is to recognize and examine the dark side of your character once subjected to conscious scrutiny it loses its destructive power if you can learn to

detect the signs of it in yourself you can Channel this darker energy into productive activity you can turn your neediness and vulnerability into empathy you can Channel your aggressive impulses into worthwhile causes and into your work you can admit your Ambitions your desires for power and not act so guiltily and stealthily you can monitor your suspicious Tendencies and the projection of your own negative emotions onto others you can see that selfish and harmful impulses dwell within you as well that you are not as Angelic or strong as you imagine with this awareness will come balance

and greater tolerance for others it might seem that only those who project continual strength and saintliness can become successful but that is not at all the case by playing a role to such an extent by straining to live up to ideals that are not real you will emit a phoniness that others pick up look at Great public figures such as Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill they possess the ability to examine their flaws and mistakes and laugh at themselves they came across as authentically human and this was the source of their charm the tragedy of Nixon

was that he had immense political talent and intelligence if only he had also possessed the ability to look within and measure the darker sides to his character it is the tragedy that confronts us all to the extent that we remain in deep denial this longing to commit a Madness stays with us throughout our Lives who has not when standing with someone by an abyss or high up on a tower had a sudden impulse to push the other over and how is it that we hurt those we love although we know that remorse will follow our

whole being is nothing but a fight against the dark Forces within ourselves to live is to war with trolls in heart and soul to write is to sit in judgment on oneself by Henrik Ipson keys to human nature if we think about the people we know and see on a regular basis we would have to agree that they are usually quite Pleasant and agreeable for the most part they seem pleased to be in our company are relatively upfront and confident socially responsible able to work with a team take good care of themselves and treat others

well but every now and then with these friends acquaintances and colleagues we Glimpse behavior that seems to contradict what we normally see this can come in several forms out of nowhere they make a critical even cruel comment about us or Express a rather harsh assessment of our work or personality is this what they really feel and were struggling to conceal for a moment they are not so nice or we hear of their unpleasant treatment of family or employees behind closed doors or out of the blue they have an affair with the most unlikely man or

woman and it leads to bad things or they put their money in some absurd and risky Financial scheme or they do something rash that puts their career in Jeopardy or we catch them in some lie or manipulative Act we can also notice such moments of acting out or behaving against reputation in public figures and celebrities who then go through lengthy apologies for the strange moods that came over them what we Glimpse in these moments is the dark side of their character what the Swiss psychologist Carl Yung called The Shadow the shadow consists of all the

qualities people try to deny about themselves and repress this repression is so deep and effective that people are generally unaware of their Shadow it operates unconsciously according to Yung this Shadow has a thickness to it depending on how deep the level of repression and the number of traits that are being concealed Nixon would be said to have a particularly thick Shadow when we experience those moments when people reveal the dark side we can see something come over their face their voice and body language is altered almost as if another person is confronting us the features

of the upset child suddenly becoming visible we feel their Shadow as it stirs and emerges the shadow lies buried deep within but it becomes Disturbed and active in moments of stress or when deep wounds and insecurities are triggered it also tends to emerge more as people get older when we are young everything seems exciting to us including the various social roles we must play but later in life we Tire of The Masks we have been wearing and the leakage is greater because we rarely see the Shadow the people we deal with are somewhat strangers to

it us it is as if we only see a two-dimensional flattened image of people their Pleasant social side knowing the Contours of their shadow makes them come to life in three dimensions this ability to see the rounded person is a critical step in our knowledge of human nature armed with this knowledge we can anticipate people's behavior in moments of stress understand their hidden motives and not get dragged under by any self-destructive Tendencies the shadow was created in our earliest years and stems from two conflicting forces that we felt first we came into this world bursting

with energy and intensity we did not understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable Behavior we only experienced natural impulses some of these impulses were aggressive we wanted to monopolize our parents' attention and receive much more of it than our siblings we experienced moments of great affection but also powerful dislikes and hatreds even of our parents for not meeting our needs we wanted to feel Superior in some way and appreciated for it in appearance strength or smartness we could be remarkably selfish if we were denied what we wanted and turned devious and manipulative to get it

we could even find some pleasure in hurting people or fantasize about getting revenge we experienced and expressed the full gamut of emotions we were not the innocent Angels people imagined children to be at the same time we were completely vulnerable and dependent on our parents for survival this dependence lasted for many years we watched our parents with eagle eyes noting every signal of approval and disapproval on their faces they would chastise us for having too much energy and wish we could sit still they sometimes found us too willful and selfish they felt that other people

were judging them by the behavior of their children so they wanted us to be nice to put on a show for others to act like the sweet angel they urged us to be cooperative and play fairly even though at times we wish to behave differently they encouraged us to tone down our needs to be more of what they needed in their stressful lives they actively discouraged our tantrums and any form of acting out as we got older these pressures to present a particular front came from other directions peers and teachers it was fine to show

some ambition but not too much of it or we might seem antisocial we could exude confidence but not too much or we would seem to be asserting our superiority the need to fit into the group became a primary motivation and so we learned to Tamp down and restrain the Dark Side of our personality we internalized all of the ideals of our culture being nice having pro-social values much of this is essential for the smooth functioning of social life but in the process a large part of our nature moved underground into the shadow of course there

are some who never learned to control these darker impulses and end up acting them out in real life the criminals in our midst but even criminals struggle to appear nice a great deal of the time and justify their behavior most of us succeed in becoming a positive Social Animal but at a price we end up missing the intensity that we experienced in childhood the full gamut of emotions and even the creativity that came with this Wilder energy we secretly yearned to recapture it in some way we are drawn toward what is outwardly forbidden sexually or

socially we may resort to alcohol or drugs or any stimulant because we feel our senses dulled our minds too restrained by convention if we accumulate a lot of hurts and resentments along the way which we strive to conceal from others the shadow grows thicker if we experience success in our lives we become addicted to positive attention and in the inevitable down moments when the drug of such attention wears off the shadow will be disturbed and activated concealing this dark side requires energy it can be draining to always present such a nice confident front and so

the shadow wants to release some of the inner tension and come back to life as the poet Horus once said naturum expel Los FKA to men us recur at you must become adapted recognizing such moments of release in others and interpreting them seeing the outlines of the shadow that now come forward the following are some of the most notable signs of such release contradictory Behavior this is the most eloquent sign of all it consists of actions that Bell the carefully constructed front that people present for instance a person who preaches morals is suddenly caught out

in a very compromising situation or someone with a tough exterior reveals insecurities and hysteria at the wrong moment or a person who preaches free love and open Behavior suddenly becomes quite domineering and authoritarian the strange contradictory behavior is a direct expression of the Shadow emotional outbursts a person suddenly loses his or her habitual self-control and sharply expresses deep resentments or says something biting and hurtful in the aftermath of such a release they may blame it on stress they may say they did not mean any of it when in fact the opposite is the case the

shadow has spoken take what they said at face value on a less intense level people may suddenly become unusually sensitive and touchy some of their deepest fears and insecurities from childhood have somehow become activated and this makes them hyper alert to any possible slight and ripe for smaller outbursts vehement denial According to Freud the only way that something unpleasant or uncomfortable in our unconscious can reach the conscious mind is through active denial we express the very opposite of what is buried within this could be a person fulminating against home homosexuality when in fact he or

she feels the opposite Nixon engaged in such denials frequently as when he told others in the strongest terms that he never cried or held grudges or gave into weakness or cared what people thought of him you must reinterpret the denials as positive expressions of Shadow desires accidental Behavior people might talk of quitting some addiction or not working so damned hard or staying away from a self-destructive relationship they then fall into the behavior they spoke of trying to avoid blaming it on an uncontrollable illness or dependency this salvs their conscience for indulging their Dark Side they

simply can't help it ignore the justifications and see the shadow operating and releasing also remember that when people are drunk and behave differently often it is not the alcohol that is speaking but the shadow over idealization this can serve as one of the most potent covers for the shadow let us say we believed in some cause such as the importance of transparency in our actions particularly in politics or we admire and follow the leader of just such a cause or we decide that some new type of financial investment mortgage-backed Securities for instance represents the latest

and most sophisticated path to wealth in these situations we go much further than simple enthusiasm we are charged with powerful conviction we gloss over any faults inconsistencies or possible downsides we see everything in Black and White terms our cause is moral modern and Progressive the other side including doubters is evil and reactionary we now feel sanctioned to do everything for the cause lie cheat manipulate spy falsify scientific data get revenge anything the leader does is Justified in the case of the investment we feel justified in taking what normally would be seen as great risks because

this time the financial tool is different and new not subject to the usual rules we can be as greedy as we like without worrying about the consequences we tend to be dazzled by the strength of people's convictions and interpret excessive Behavior as simply overzealousness but we should look at it in another light by over idealizing a cause person or object people can give free reign to the shadow that is their unconscious motivation ation The Bullying the manipulations the greed that comes out for the sake of the cause or product should be taken at face value

the overly strong conviction providing simple cover for repressed emotions to play themselves out related to this an arguments people will use their powerful convictions as a perfect way to disguise their desires to bully and intimidate they Trot out statistics and anecdotes to butress their case then proceed to insult or impune our integrity it's just an exchange of ideas they say pay attention to the bullying tone and do not be fooled intellectuals might be settler they will lorded over us with obscure language and ideas we cannot decode and we are made to feel inferior for our

ignorance in all cases see this as repressed aggression finding a way to leak out projection this is by far the most common way of dealing with our shadow because it offers almost daily release we cannot admit to our ourselves certain desires for sex for money for power for superiority in some area and so instead we project those desires onto others sometimes we simply imagine and completely project these qualities out of nothing in order to judge and condemn people other times we find people who Express such taboo Desires in some form and we exaggerate them in

order to justify our dislike or hatred for instance we accuse another person in some conflict of having authoritarian Desires in fact they are simply defending themselves we are the ones who secretly wish to dominate but if we see it in the other side first we can vent our repressed desire in the form of a judgment and justify our own authoritarian response let us say we repressed early on assertive and spontaneous impulses so natural to the child unconsciously we wish to have back such qualities but we cannot overcome our internal tabos we look out for those

who are are less inhibited more assertive and open with their ambition we exaggerate these Tendencies now we can despise them and in thinking about them give vent to what we cannot admit to ourselves or about ourselves the great 19th century German composer Richard Vagner frequently expressed anti-semitic sentiments he blamed Jews for ruining western music with their eclectic tastes sentimentality and emphasis on technical Brilliance he yearned for more pure German music which he would create most of what he blamed Jews for in music was completely made up yet Wagner strangely enough had many of the same

qualities that he seemed to hate in Jews his tastes were quite eclectic he had sentimental Tendencies many of the pianists and conductors he worked with were Jewish because of their technical proficiency remember behind any vehement hatred is often a secret and very unpalatable Envy of the hated person or people it is only through such hate that it can be released from the unconscious in some form consider yourself a detective when it comes to piecing together people's Shadow through the various signs you pick up you can fill in the outlines of their repressed desires and impulses

this will allow you to anticipate future leakage and odd Shadow like Behavior rest assured such Behavior never occurs just once and it will tend to pop up in different areas if for for instance you pick up bullying tendencies in the way someone argues you will also see it in other activities you might entertain the notion that this concept of the Shadow is somewhat Antiquated after all we live in a much more rational scientifically oriented culture today people are more transparent and self-aware than ever we might say we are much less repressed than our ancestors who

had to deal with all sorts of pressures from organized religion the truth however might very well be the opposite in many ways we are more split than ever between our conscious social selves and our unconscious Shadow we live in a culture that enforces powerful codes of correctness that we must abide by or face the shaming that is now so common on social media we are supposed to live up to ideals of selflessness which are impossible for us because we are not angels all of this drives the Dark Side of our personalities even further underground we

can read science of this and how deeply and secretly we are all drawn to the dark side in our culture we thrill at watching shows in which various Machiavellian characters manipulate deceive and dominate we lap up stories in the news of those who have been caught acting out in some way and enjoy the ensuing shaming serial killers and diabolical cold leaders enthrall us with these shows and the news we can always become moralistic and talk of how much we despise such villains but the truth truth is that the culture constantly feeds us these figures because

we are hungry for expressions of the dark side all of this provides a degree of release from the tension we experience in having to play the angel and seemed so correct these are relatively harmless forms of release but there are more dangerous ones particularly in the realm of politics we find ourselves increasingly drawn to leaders who give vent to this dark side who Express the hostility and resentment we all secretly feel they say things we would dare not say in the safety of the group and rally to some cause we have licensed to project and

vent our spleen on various convenient scapegoats by idealizing the leader in the cause we are now free to act in ways we would normally shy away from as individuals these demagogues are Adept at exaggerating the threats we face painting everything in Black and White terms they stir up the fears insecurities and desires for Revenge that have gone Underground but are waiting at any moment to explode in the group setting we will find more and more such leaders as we experience greater degrees of repression and intention the writer Robert Lewis Stevenson expressed this dynamic in the

novel The Strange Case of Dr Jackal and Mr Hyde published in 1886 the main character Dr Jackal is a well-respected and Wealthy doctor scientist with impeccable manners so much like the paragons of goodness in our culture he invents a action that transforms him into Mr Hyde the embodiment of his shadow who proceeds to murder and rape and indulge in the wildest of sensual Pleasures Stevenson's idea is that the more civilized and moral we outwardly become the more potentially dangerous is the shadow which we so fiercely deny as the character Dr jeal describes it my devil

had long been caged he came out roaring the solution is not more repression and correctness we can never alter human nature through enforced niceness the Pitchfork doesn't work nor is the solution to seek release for our shadow in the group which is volatile and dangerous instead the answer is to see our shadow in action and become more self-aware it is hard to project onto others our own secret impulses or to over idealize some cause once we are made aware of the mechanism operating within us through such self- knowledge we can find a way to integrate

the dark side into our consciousness produ itively and creatively in doing so we become more authentic and complete exploiting to the maximum the energies we naturally possess the energies we naturally possess the energies we naturally possess the energies we naturally possess the energies we naturally possess the energies we deciphering the shadow contradictory behavior in the course of your life you will come upon people who have very emphatic traits that set them apart and seem to be the source of their strength unusual confidence exceptional niceness and affability great moral rectitude and a saintly Aura toughness and

rugged masculinity and intimidating intellect if you look closely at them you may notice a slight exaggeration to these traits as if they were performing or laying it on just a little too thick as a student of human nature you must understand the reality the emphatic trait generally rests on top of the opposite trait distracting and concealing it from public view we can see two forms of this early on in life some people sense of softness vulnerability or insecurity that might prove embarrassing or uncomfortable they unconsciously developed the opposite trait a resilience or toughness that lies

on the outside like a protective shell the other scenario is that a person has a quality that they feel might be antisocial for instance too much ambition or an inclination to be selfish they develop the opposite quality something very pro-social in both cases over the years they hound and perfect this Public Image the underlying weakness or antisocial trait is a key component of their Shadow something denied and repressed but as the laws of human nature dictate the deeper the repression the greater the volatility of the Shadow as they get older or experience stress there will

be cracks in the facad they are playing a role to the extreme and it is tiring their real self will Rebel in the form of moods obsessions secret vices and behavior that is quite contrary to their image and is often self-destructive your task is simple be extra wary around people who display such emphatic traits it is very easy to get caught up in the appearance and first impression watch for the signs and emergence of the opposite over time it is much easier to deal with such types once you understand them the following are seven of

the most common emphatic traits that you must must learn to recognize and manage appropriately the tough guy he projects a rough masculinity that is intended to intimidate he has a Swagger and an air that signals he is not to be messed with he tends to boast about past exploits the women he has conquered the brawls the times he's out-negotiated opponents although he seems extremely convincing in telling such stories they feel exaggerated almost hard to believe do not be fooled by appearances such men have learned to conceal an underlying softness and emotional vulnerability from deep within

that terrifies them on occasion you will see this sensitive side they may cry or have a tantrum or suddenly show compassion embarrassed by this they will quickly cover it up with a tough or even cruel act or comment for the baseball player Reggie Jackson Yankees manager Billy Martin was just such a brawling type Jackson could recognize the softness behind the Bluster in Martin's touchiness when it came to his ego his changing moods and emotional outbursts that revealed glaring insecurities such men will often make terrible decisions under the impact of the emotions that they have tried

to conceal and repress but that inevitably surface although they like to dominate women they will often end up with a wife who clearly dominates them a secret wish of theirs you must not let yourself be intimidated by the front but also be careful to not stir up their deep insecurities by seeming to doubt their Tall Tails or masculine nature they are notoriously touchy and thin skinned and you might detect a micropod on their face if you trigger their insecurities before they cover it up with a fierce scowl if they happen to be a rival they

are easy to bait into an overreaction that reveals something less than tough the saint these people are Paragons of goodness and Purity they support the best and most Progressive causes they can be very spiritual if that is the circle they travel travel in or they are above the corruption and compromises of politics or they have endless compassion for every type of victim this saintly exterior developed early on as a way to disguise their strong hunger for power and detention or their strong sensual appetites the irony is that often by projecting this saintly Aura to the

nth degree they will gain great power leading a cult or political party and once they are in power the shadow will have space to operate they will become intolerant Railing at the impure punishing them if necessary maximilan robespier Who Rose to power in the French Revolution was just such a type under his Reign the guillotine was never busier they are also secretly drawn to sex to money to the Limelight and to what is expressly taboo for their particular saintliness The Strain and The Temptations are too much they are the gurus who sleep with their students

they will appear the saint in public but their family family or spouse will see the Demonic side in private there are genuine Saints out there but they do not feel the need to publicize their deeds or grab power to distinguish between the real and the fake ignore their words and the aura they project focusing on their deeds and the details of their life how much they seem to enjoy power and attention the astonishing degree of wealth they have accumulated the number of Mistresses the level of self-absorption once you recognize this type do not become a

naive follower keep some distance if they are enemies simply shine a light on the clear signs of hypocrisy as a variation on this you will find people who propound a philosophy of free love and anything goes but in fact they are after power they prefer sex with those who are dependent on them and of course anything goes as long as it's on their terms the passive aggressive charmer these types are amazingly nice and accommodating when you first meet them so much so that you tend to let them into your life rather quickly they smile a

lot they are upbeat and always willing to help at some point you may return the favor by hiring them for a job or helping them in their careers you will detect along the way some cracks in the veneer perhaps they make a somewhat critical comment out of the blue or you hear from friends that they have been talking about you behind your back then something ugly occurs a blowup some Act of sabotage or betrayal so unlike that nice Charming person you first befriended the truth is that these types realize early on in life that they

have aggressive envious tendencies that are hard to control they want Power they Intuit it that such inclinations will make life hard for them over many years they cultivate the opposite facade their niess has an almost aggressive Edge through this strategy they are able to gain social power but they secretly resent having to play such a role and be so differential they can't maintain it under stress or simply worn out by the effort they will lash out and hurt you they can do this well now that they know you and your weak spots they will of

course blame you for what ensues your best defense is to be wary of people who are too quick to charm and befriend too nice and accommodating at first such extreme niceness is never natural keep your distance and look for some early signs such as passive aggressive comments if you notice that somewhat out of character they indulge in malicious gossip about someone you can be sure the shadow is speaking and that you will be the target of such gossip one day The Fanatic you are impressed by their fervor and support of whatever cause they speak forcefully

they allow for no compromise they will clean things up restore greatness they radiate strength and conviction and because of this they gain followers they have a flare for drama and capturing attention but at the key moment when they could possibly deliver what they have promised they unexpectedly slip up they become indecisive at the wrong moment or burn themselves out and fall ill or take such ill-conceived actions that it all falls apart it's as if they have suddenly lost belief or secretly wanted to fail the truth is that such types have massive insecurities from early on

in life they have doubts about their selfworth they never felt loved or admired enough riddled with fears and uncertainty they covered this up with the mask of great belief and themselves and in their cause you will notice in their past some shifts in their belief system sometimes radical that is because it is not the particular belief that matters but the intense conviction and so they will shift this around to fit the times belief in something is like a drug for them but the doubts return they secretly know they cannot deliver the goods and so under

stress they become the opposite indecisive and secretly doubtful they suddenly fire their assistants and managers to give the impression of action but unconsciously they are sabotaging themselves with unnecessary change they have to blow it all up somehow and yet blame others never be taken in by the strength of people's convictions and their flare for drama always operate by the rule that the greater the stency in what they say the deeper the under lying insecurities and doubts do not become a follower they will make a fool of you the rigid rationalist all of us have irrational

Tendencies it is the lasting Legacy of our primitive Origins we will never get rid of them we are prone to superstitions to seeing connections between events that have no connection we are fascinated by coincidences we anthropomorphize and project our feelings onto other people and the world around us we secretly consult astrology charts we must simply accept this in fact we often resort to irrationality as a form of relaxation silly jokes meaningless activities occasional dabbling in the occult always being rational can be tiresome but for some people this makes them terribly uncomfortable they experience this primitive

thinking as softness as mysticism as contrary to Science and Technology everything must be clear and analytical in the extreme they become devout atheists not realizing that the concept of God cannot be proven or disproven it is a belief either way the repressed however always return their faith in science and technology has a religious air to it when it comes to an argument they will impose their ideas with extra intellectual heft and even a touch of anger which reveals the stirring of the Primitive within and the hidden emotional need to bully at the extreme they will

indulge in a love affair that is most irrational and contrary to their image the professor running off with the young model or they will make some bad career choice or fall for some ridiculous Financial scheme or indulge in some conspiracy theory they are also prone to strange shifts in mood and emotional outbursts as the shadow stirs bait them into just such overreactions to prick their bubble of intellectual superiority true rationality should be sober and skeptical about its own powers and not publicize itself the snob these types have a tremendous need to be different from others

to assert some form of superiority over the mass of mankind they have the most refined aesthetic tastes when it comes to art or film criticism or fineing wines or gourmet food or vintage punk rock records they have amassed impressive knowledge of these things they put a lot of emphasis on appearances they are are more alternative than others their tattoos are more unique in many cases they seem to come from very interesting backgrounds perhaps with some exciting ancestry everything surrounding them is extraordinary of course it later comes out that they were exaggerating or downright lying about

their background Bo brummel the notorious snob and dandy of the early 19th century actually came from a staunch middle class background the opposite of what he pedal the family of Carl leri the current Chanel creative director did not inherit its money but made it in the most bis fashion contrary to the stories he has told the truth is that banality is part of human existence much of our Lives is spent doing the most boring and tedious tasks for most of us our parents had normal unglamorous jobs we all have mediocre sides to our character and

skills snobs are especially sensitive about this greatly insecure about about their Origins and possible mediocrity their way of dealing with this is to distract and deceive with appearances surrounding themselves with the extraordinary and with special knowledge Underneath It All is the real person waiting to come out rather ordinary and not so very different in any case those who are truly original and different do not need to make a great show of it in fact they are often embarrassed by being so different and learn to appear more humble be extra War of those who go out

of their way to make a show of their difference the extreme entrepreneur at first glance these types seem to possess very positive qualities especially for work they maintain very high standards and pay exceptional attention to detail they are willing to do much of the work themselves if mixed with Talent this often leads to success early on in life but underneath the facade the seeds of failure are taking root this first appears in their inability to live listen to others they cannot take advice they need no one in fact they mistrust others who do not have

their same high standards with success they are forced to take on more and more responsibility if they were truly self-reliant they would know the importance of delegating on a lower level to maintain control on the higher level but something else is stirring within the shadow soon the situation becomes chaotic others must come in and take over the business their health and finances are ruined and they become completely dependent on doctors or outside finers they go from complete control to Total dependence on others often their outward show of self-reliance disguises a hidden desire to have others

take care of them to regress to the dependency of childhood they can never admit this to themselves or show any signs of such weakness but unconsciously they are drawn to creating enough chaos that they break down and are forced into some some form of dependency there are signs beforehand recurring health issues the sudden micro needs to be pampered by people in their daily lives but the big sign comes as they lose control and fail to take steps to Halt this it is best to not get too entangled with such types later on in their careers

as they have a tendency to bring about much collateral damage the integrated human in the course of Our Lives we inevitably meet people who appear to be especially comfortable with themselves they display certain traits that help give this impression they are able to laugh at themselves they can admit to certain shortcomings in their character as well as to mistakes they have made they have a playful sometimes impish Edge to them as if they have retained more of the child within they can play their role in life with a little bit of distance at times they

can be charmingly spontaneous what such people signal to us is a greater authenticity if most of us have lost a lot of our natural traits in becoming socialized adults the authentic types have somehow managed to keep them alive and active we can contrast them easily with the opposite type people who are touchy who are hyper sensitive to any perceived slight and who give the impression of being somewhat uncomfortable with themselves and having something to hide we humans are Masters at smelling the difference we can almost feel it with people in a non-verbal Behavior the relaxed

or tense body language the flowing or halting tone of voice the way the eyes gaze and let you in the genuine smile or lack of it one thing is for certain we are completely drawn to the authentic types and unconsciously repulsed by their opposite the reason for this is simple we all secretly mourn for the child part of our character we have lost the wildness the spontaneity the intensity of experience the open mind our overall energy is diminished by the loss those who emit that air of authenticity signal to us another possibility that of being

an adult who has managed to integrate the child and the adult the dark and the light the unconscious and the conscious mind we yearn to be around them perhaps some of their energy will rub off on us if Richard Nixon in many ways epitomizes the inauthentic type we find many examples of the opposite to inspire Us in politics men like Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln in the Arts people like Charlie Chaplain and Josephine Baker in science someone like Albert Ein and social life in general someone like jacqulyn Kennedy Onasis and these types indicate for us

the path to follow which largely centers on self-awareness conscious of our shadow we can control Channel and integrate it aware of what we have lost we can reconnect to that part of ourselves that has sunk into the Shadow the following are four clear and practical steps for achieving this see the shadow this is the most difficult step in the process the shadow is something we deny and repress it is so much easier to dig up and moralize about the dark qualities of others it is almost unnatural for us to look inward at this side of

ourselves but remember that you are only half a human if you keep this buried be Intrepid in this process the best way to begin is to look for indirect signs as indicated in the sections above for instance take note of any particular one-sided emphatic traits in yourself assume that the opposite trait lies buried deep within and from the try to see more signs of this trait in your behavior look at your own emotional outbursts and moments of extreme touchiness somebody or something has struck a cord your sensitivity to a remark or imputation indicates a shadow

quality that is stirring in the form of a deep insecurity bring it into the light look deeply at your Tendencies to project emotions and bad bad qualities onto people you know or even entire groups for instance say you really loathe narcissistic types or pushy people what is happening is that you are probably brushing up against your own narcissistic Tendencies and secret desire to be more assertive in the form of a vehement denial or hatred we are particularly sensitive to traits and weaknesses in others that we are repressing in ourselves look at moments in your youth

in which you acted in a rather insensitive or even cruel manner when you were younger you had less control of the Shadow and it came out more naturally not with the repressed force of later years later in his career the writer Robert blind began to feel depressed his writing had become sterile he started to think more and more about the shadow side of his character he was determined to find signs of it and consciously scrutinize it blly was the Bohemian type of artist very much active in the counterculture of the 1960s his artistic Roots went

back to the Romantic artists of the early 19th century men and women who extoled spontaneity and naturalness in much of bl's own writing he railed at advertising men and business people as he saw it they were so calculating planning everything to the extreme afraid of the chaos of life and quite manipulative and yet as he lipped inward B could catch glimpses of such calculating manipulative qualities in himself he too secretly feared moments of Chaos in life like to plan things out and control events he could be quite malicious with people he perceived to be so

different but in fact there was a part of the stock broker and advertising man within him perhaps it was the deeper part of himself others told him that they saw him as rather classical in his taste and in his writing something that bothered him since he thought the opposite but as he became increasingly honest with himself he realized they were right step by step he Unearthed the dark qualities within rigid overly moralistic Etc and in doing so he felt reconnected with the other half of his psyche he could be honest with himself and channel the

shadow creatively his depression lifted as well as the writer's block take this process Deeper by re-examining the earlier version of yourself look at traits in childhood that were drummed out of you by your parents and peers certain weaknesses or vulnerabilities or forms of behavior traits you were made to feel ashamed of perhaps your parents did not like your introspective Tendencies or your interest in certain subjects that were not of their taste they instead steered you toward careers and interests that suited them look at emotions you were once prone to things that sparked a sense of

awe or excitement that has gone missing you have become more like others as you have gotten older and you must ReDiscover the Lost authentic parts of yourself finally look at your dreams as the most direct and clear view of your Shadow only there will you find the kinds of behavior you have carefully avoided in conscious life the shadow is talking to you in various ways don't look for symbols or hidden meanings pay attention instead to the emotional tone and overall feelings that they Inspire holding on to them throughout the day this could be unexpected bold

behavior on your part or intense anxiety spurred by certain situations or sensations of being physically trapped or of soaring above it all or exploring a place that is forbidden and Beyond the boundaries the anxieties could relate to insecurities you are not confronting the soaring and exploring are hidden desires trying to rise to Consciousness get in the habit of writing your dreams down and paying deep attention to their feeling tone the more you go through this process and see the outlines of your Shadow the easier it will become you will find more signs as your tense

muscles of repression loosen up at a certain point point the pain of going through this turns into excitement at what you're uncovering embrace the shadow your natural reaction in uncovering and facing up to your dark side is to feel uncomfortable and maintain only a surface awareness of it your goal here must be the opposite not only complete acceptance of the Shadow but the desire to integrate it into your present personality from an early age Abraham Lincoln liked to analyze himself and a recurrent theme in his self-examinations was that he had a split personality on the

one hand an ambitious almost cruel streak to his nature and on the other a sensitivity and softness that made him frequently depressed both sides of his nature made him feel uncomfortable and odd On The Rough Side for instance he loved boxing and thoroughly thrashing his opponent in the ring in law and politics he had a rather scathing sense of humor once he wrote some Anonymous letters to a newspaper attacking a politician he thought of as a buffoon the letters were so effective that the target went mad with rage he found out that Lincoln was the

source of them and challenged him to a duel this became the Talk of the Town and proved quite embarrassing to Lincoln he managed to get out of the duel but he vowed to never indulge his cruel streak again he recognized the trait in himself and would not deny it instead he would pour His aggressive competitive energy into winning debates and elections on his soft side he loved poetry felt tremendous affection for animals and hated witnessing any kind of physical cruelty he hated drinking and what it did to people at his worst he was prone to

fits of deep Melancholy and brooding over death all in all he felt himself to be far too sensitive for the Rough and Tumble world of politics instead of denying this side of himself he channeled it into incredible empathy for the public for the average man and woman caring deeply about the loss of of lives in the war he put all his efforts into ending it early he did not project evil onto the South but rather empathized with its plight and planned on a piece that was not retributive he also Incorporated it into a healthy sense

of humor about himself making frequent jokes about his ugliness high-pitched voice and brooding Nature by embracing and integrating such opposing qualities into his public Persona he gave the impression of tremendous authenticity people could identify with him in a way never seen before with a political leader explore the shadow consider the shadow as having depths that contain great Creative Energy you want to explore these depths which include more primitive forms of thinking and the darkest impulses that come out of our animal nature as children our minds were much more fluid and open we would make the

most surprising and creative associations between ideas but as we get older we tend to tighten this down we live in a sophisticated high-tech World dominated by statistics and ideas laned from Big Data free associations between ideas images from dreams hunches and intuitions seem irrational and subjective but this leads to the most sterile forms of thinking the unconscious the shadow side of the mind has powers we must learn to tap into and in fact some of the most creative people in our midst actively engage this side of thinking Albert Einstein based one of his theories of

Relativity on an image from a dream the mathematician Jack hadamard made his most important discoveries while boarding a bus or taking a shower hunches that came out of nowhere were what he claimed to be his unconscious Louie Pastor made his great discovery about immunization based on a rather free association of ideas after an accident in his laboratory Steve Jobs claimed that his most effective ideas came from intuitions moments when his mind roamed most freely understand the conscious thinking we depend on is quite limited we can hold on to only so much information in short and

long-term memory but the unconscious contains an almost Limitless amount of material for memories experiences and information absorbed in steud after prolonged research or work on a problem when we relax our minds and dreams or while we are performing unrelated Bal activities the unconscious begins to go to work and Associate all sorts of random ideas some of the more interesting ones bubbling to the surface we all have dreams intuitions and free associations of ideas but we often refuse to pay attention to them or take them seriously instead you want to develop the habit of using this

form of thought more often by having unstructured time in which you can play with ideas widen the options you consider and pay serious attention to what comes to you in less conscious states of mind in a similar vein you want to explore from within your own darkest impulses even those that might seem criminal and find a way to express them in your work or externalize them in some fashion in a journal for instance we all have aggressive and antisocial desires even toward those we love we also have traumas from our earliest years that are associated

with emotions we prefer to forget the greatest art in all media somehow expresses these depths which causes a powerful reaction in us all because they are so repressed such as the power of the films of imar Bergman or the novels of Fodor dovi and you can have the same Power by externalizing your dark side show The Shadow most of the time we secretly suffer from the endless social codes we have to adhere to we have to seem so nice and agreeable always going along with the group we better not show too much confidence or ambition

seem humble and similar to everyone else that's how the game is played and follow following this path we gain Comfort by fitting in but we also become defensive and secretly resentful being so nice becomes a habit which easily turns into timidity lack of confidence and indecision at the same time our shadow will show itself but unconsciously in explosive fits and starts and often to our detriment it would be wise to look at those who are successful in their field inevitably we will see that most of them are much less Bound by these codes they are

generally more assertive and overtly ambitious they care much less what others think of them they flout the conventions openly and proudly and they are not punished but greatly rewarded Steve Jobs is a classic example he showed his rough Shadow side in his way of working with others our tendency in looking at people like jobs is to admire their creativity and subtract their darker qualities as unnecessary if only he had been nicer he would have been a saint but in fact the dark side was inextricably interwoven with his power and creativity his ability to not listen

to others to go his own way and be a bit rough about it were key parts of his success which we venerate and so it is with many creative powerful people subtract their active Shadow and they would be like everyone else understand you pay a greater price for being so nice and differential than for consciously showing your shadow first to follow the latter path you must begin by respecting your own opinions more and those of others less particularly when it comes to your areas of expertise to the field you have immersed yourself in trust your

native genius and the ideas you have come up with second get in the habit in your daily life of asserting yourself more and compromising less do this under control and an opportune moments third start caring less what people think of you you will feel a tremendous sense of Liberation fourth realize that at times you must offend and even hurt people who block your path who have ugly values who unjustly criticize you use such moments of clear Injustice to bring out your Shadow and show it proudly fifth feel free to play the impudent willful child who

mocks the stupidity and hypocrisy of others finally flout the very conventions that others follow so scrupulously for centuries and still to this day gender roles represent the most powerful Convention of all what men and women can do or say has been highly controlled to the point where it seems almost to represent biological differences instead of social conventions women in particular are socialized to be extra nice and agreeable they feel continual pressure to adhere to this and mistake it for something natural and biological some of the most influential women in history were those who deliberately broke

with these codes performers like Marina Dietrich and Josephine Baker political figures such as Eleanor Roosevelt business women such as Coco Chanel they brought out their Shadow and showed it by acting in ways that were traditionally thought of as masculine blending and confusing gender roles even Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis gained great power by playing against the type of the traditional political wife she had a pronounced malicious streak when Norman maor first met her in 1960 and she seemed to poke fun at him he saw that something droll and hard came into her eyes as if she were

a very naughty 8-year-old indeed when people displeased her she showed it rather openly she seemed to care little what others thought of her and she became a sensation because of the naturalness she exuded in general consider this a form of exorcism once you show these desires and impulses they no longer lie hidden in corners of your personality twisting and operating in secret ways you have released your demons and enhanced your presence as an authentic human in this way the shadow becomes your ally unfortunately there is no doubt about the fact that man is as a

whole less good than he imagines himself or wants to be everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life the blacker and denser It Is by Carl Yung tin beware the fragile ego the law of Envy we humans are naturally compelled to compare ourselves with one another we are continually measuring people's status the levels of respect and attention they receive and noticing any differences between what we have and what they have for some of us this need to compare serves as a Spur to excel through our work for others

it can turn into deep Envy feelings of inferiority and frustration that lead to covert attacks and sabotage nobody admits to acting out of envy you must recognize the early warning signs praise and bids for friendship that seem effusive and out of proportion subtle Digs at you under the guise of good-natured humor apparent uneasiness with your success it is most likely to crop up among friends or your peers in the same profession learn to deflect Envy by drawing attention away from yourself develop your sense of selfworth from internal standards and not incessant comparisons fatal friends in

late 1820 Mary Shelly author of the novel Frankenstein and her 28-year-old husband the poet Percy Bish shell moved to Pisa Italy after having spent several years traveling through the country Mary had had a rough time of it lately her two young children had both died from fevers while in Italy Mary had been particularly close to her son William and his death had pushed her into a profound depression she had recently given birth to another child a boy named Percy but she felt continually anxious about his health the guilt and Gloom she felt surrounding the death

of her children had finally caused some friction between her and her husband they had been so close had experienced so much together that they could almost rid each other's thoughts and moods now her husband was drifting away interested in other women she was hoping that in Pisa they could finally settle down reconnect and do some serious writing in early 1821 a young English couple named Jane and Edward Williams arrived at and Pisa and their first stop in town was to visit the shellys they were close friends with one of Percy Shell's cousins they were thinking

of living in Pisa and they were clearly Star Struck at meeting the famous couple Mary was used to these kinds of visitors she and her husband were so notorious that curious Bohemians from all over Europe would come to gawk at them and try to make their acquaintance certainly the williamses like all the other visitors would have known about the Shell's past then they would have known that Mary had two of the most illustrious intellectual parents in all of England her mother Mary Wilston craft was perhaps the first great feminist writer in history renowned for her

books and scandalous love affairs she had died giving birth to Mary Mary's father was William Godwin a celebrated writer and philosopher who advocated many radical ideas including the end of private property famous writers would come to see the child Mary for she was an object of f ination with striking red hair like her mother the most intense eyes and an intelligence and Imagination far beyond her years the williams' would have almost certainly known about her meeting the poet Percy shell when she was 16 and their Infamous love affair shell of aristocratic Origins and due to

inherit a fortune from his wealthy father had married a young Beauty named Harriet but he left her for Mary and along with Mary's stepsister Claire they traveled through Europe living together and creating a scandal everywhere they went shell was an Ardent believer in free love and an AOW atheist his wife Harriet subsequently committed suicide which Mary would forever feel guilty about even later imagining that the children she had had with Shel Were Somehow cursed shortly after the death of Harriet Mary and Percy got married the williamses would undoubtedly know about the Shell's relationship with the

other great Rebel of the time the poet Lord Byron they had all spent time together in Switzerland and it was there inspired by a midnight discussion of horror stories that Mary got the inspiration for her great novel Frankenstein written when she was 19 Lord Byron had his own scandals and numerous love affairs the three of them became a magnet for Endless rumors Lord Byron now living in Italy as well the English press had dubbed them the league of incest and Atheism at first Mary paid skant attention to the new English couple on the scene even

after a few dinners together she found Jane Williams a bit dull and pretentious as Mary wrote to her husband who was away for a few weeks Jane is certainly very pretty but she wants animation and sense her conversation is nothing particular and she speaks in a slow monotonous tone Jane was not well read she loved nothing more than to arrange flowers play The Petal harp sing songs from India where she had lived as a child and POS rather pretty could she be that superficial every now and then Mary would catch Jane staring at her with

an unpleasant look which she quickly covered over with a cheerful smile more important a common friend who had known the williams' in the travels across Europe had warned Mary in a letter to keep her distance from Jane Edward Williams however was quite Charming he seemed to worship shell and to want to be like him he had aspirations to be a riter he was so eager to please and be of service and then one day he told Mary the story of the romance between him and Jane and Mary was quite moved the williamses were not actually

married Jane Cleveland who came from the middle class had married a high-ranking English Soldier only to find out he was an abusive brute when she met the handsome Edward Williams a military man who had lived in India as Jane had she fell instantly in love in 1819 although Jane was still married to her first husband she and Edward left for the continent posing as a married couple like the shellies they also had lived in Switzerland and had come to Italy for adventure and the good weather Jane was now expecting her second child with Edward just

as Mary was now pregnant again it seemed in a fateful way that they had much in common more important Mary empathized deeply with their love affair and how much they had sacrificed for each other then Jane had her second child now the two women could bond as young mothers finally someone to talk to about the difficulties of raising infants in a foreign land something Mary's husband could care less about besides the Shell's had no English friends since English expatriates in Italy avoided them like the plague it would be such a relief to have some daily

companionship in this moment of turbulence in her life mared quickly became dependent on Jane's company and forgot any misgivings she might have had about her shell seemed to warm up to the couple as well Edward was so officious in offering to help Shelly in any way Edward loved sailing and boasted of his navigational skills sailing was an obsession of Shell's despite the fact he had never learned to swim perhaps Edward could help him design the perfect sailing boat and Jane began to Intrigue him the more he spent time around her Jane was so different from

Mary she never argued she only looked at him admiringly and seconded everything he said she was so cheerful he could be her teacher instructing her in poetry and she could be his new Muse a role his depressed wife could not fill anymore he bought Jane a guitar and loved to listen to the songs from India she seemed to know so well she had a beautiful voice he wrote poems in her honor and slowly became infatuated Mary noticed all this she knew well her husband's pattern he was always looking for a woman very different from the

one he was with to inspire him and break the monotony of a relationship his first wife Harriet had been more like Jane pretty and simple and so he fell for the much more complicated Mary now the pattern was repeating as he fell for the simpler Jane but how could she take Jane seriously as a rival she was so ordinary he was simply poetizing her he would eventually see her as she was and grow bored Mary did not fear losing him in 1822 the Shelly and Williams's now rather Inseparable decided to move together into a house

further north along the coast overlooking the Bay of larasi from the beginning Mary hated the place and begged her husband to find something else it was so isolated it was not easy to find supplies the local peasants seemed rather brutal and unfriendly the two couples would be completely dependent on their servants nobody besides Mary seemed interested in running the household least of all Jane who had proven to be quite lazy but worse than everything Mary had terrible for boings about the place she feared greatly for the fate of her child Percy only 3 years old

she smelled disaster in the walls of the isolated Villa that they occupied she became nervous and hysterical she knew she was putting everyone off with her behavior but she could not quell her anxiety Shelly reacted by spending more and more time with Jane several months after settling at the Villa Mary had a miscarriage and nearly died her husband attended to her for several weeks and she recovered but just as quickly he seemed to become enamored with a new plan that terrified Mary he and Edward had designed a boat one that was beautiful to look at

sleek and fat in June of that year some old friends of the Shel had arrived in Italy Lee Hunt and his wife hunt was a publisher who championed young poets and shell was his favorite shell planned to sail up the coast with Edward to meet the Hunts Mary was desperate for him not to go shile tried to reassure her Edward was an expert Navigator and the boat he had built was more than seaworthy Mary did not believe this the boat seemed flimsy for the rough Waters of the area nevertheless Shelly and Edward left on July

1st with a third crew member on July 8th as they started on their Homeward Journey they ran into one of the storms endemic to the region their boat had indeed been badly designed and went under a few days later the bodies of all three were found almost immediately Mary was seized with remorse and guilt she played in her mind every Angry word she had addressed to her husband every critique of his work every doubt she had instilled in him about her love it was all too much and she determined then and there that she would

devote the rest of her life to making Shell's poetry famous at first Jane seemed extremely broken up by the tragedy but she recovered more quickly than Mary she had to be practical Mary might have a nice inheritance from shelle's family Jane had nothing she decided she would return to London and somehow find a way to support her two children Mary empathized with her plight she gave her a list of important contacts in England including shelle's best friend from his youth Thomas hog a lawyer hog had his own issues he was always falling in love with

the people closest to Shell First shelle's sister then shelle's first wife and finally Mary herself whom he tried to seduce but that had been years ago they remained good friends and as a lawyer hog could be of some help to Jane Mary decided to stay in Italy she had hardly any friends left but the Hunts were still in Italy much to her dismay however leh hunt had become surprisingly cold to her in this her most vulnerable moment he had apparently lost all sympathy for her and she could not figure out why this only added to

her misery certainly he must know how deeply she had loved her husband and the depth of her morning she was not one to show her emotions as openly as Jane but deep inside di she suffered more than anyone other former friends were now acting cold as well only Lord Byron stood by her and they grew closer soon it became apparent that shelle's parents who had been shocked by their son's libertine ways would not recognized Percy as their grandson certainly as long as he was in the care of Mary there would be no money for her

she thought the only answer was to return to London perhaps if the Shelly family met Percy and saw what a devoted mother she was they might change their minds she wrote to Jane and to hog for their advice the two of them had now become close friends hog seemed to think she should wait before returning his letter was remarkably cold here was yet another person who had suddenly become distant but it was the response of Jane that most surprised her she advised giving up PCY and not coming to England as Mary tried to explain how

impossible that would be for her emotionally Jane became even more adamant in her opinion she expressed this in Practical terms Mary would not be welcomed in London the Shelly family would turn against her even more but it seemed so unsympathetic in the months together in Italy after the deaths of their husbands they had grown quite close Jane was the last real link to Mary's husband left in her life she had forgiven Jane for any indiscretions with her husband losing Jane's friendship would be like experiencing another death she decided she would in fact return to London

with her son and rekindle the friendship with Jane Mary returned to London in August of 1823 only to find that she had become quite a celebrity Frankenstein had been turned into a play that emphasized the horror elements in the book and it was quite a sensation the story and the name Frankenstein now had seeped into popular culture Mary's father who had become a book seller and publisher came out with a new edition of Frankenstein with Mary clearly identified as the author Mary her father and Jane went to see the play version and it was clear

now to all of them what an object of Fascination Mary had become to the public this was the slight very gentle woman who had written such a powerful Horror Story when Lord Byron died in Greece shortly after Mary's return to London Mary became even more famous for she had been one of Byron's closest friends all of the principal English intellectuals wanted to meet her to find out more about her Lord Byron and her husband even Jane was now back to her friendly self although at times she seemed to withdraw from Mary despite her Fame Mary

was unhappy she did not want the attention because it came with endless gossip about her past and insinuations about her morality she was tired of being looked at and judged she wanted to hide herself and raise her son she decided she would move close to where Jane was living in a more remote part of London their Percy would be reunited with Jane's children they could live for each other and share their memories recapture the past Jane was so cheerful and Mary needed cheering up in return she would do whatever it took to take care of

Jane in the summer of 1824 the two women saw much of each other it was now apparent that hog had been courting Jane but he was such an awkward unpleasant man Mary could hardly imagine Jane reciprocating his attentions besides it was so soon after the death of her husband but then one evening in January it became clear to Mary that she had been deceived for quite a while it was somewhat late at night at Jane's house she and Percy had stuck around Percy to play some games with Jane's children and Mary to talk some more

hog had arrived and Jane finally exploded at Mary with a look Mary Had had never seen before on her friend's face she asked Mary to leave so abruptly and rudely that it was clear she and hog had been having an affair and Jane could no longer conceal her irritation with Mary she had noticed for some time that Jane had become increasingly cold and less interested in being with her now she understood this better they remained friends Mary empathized with her plight as a lonely Widow her need for a husband Jane was now pregnant with Hog's

child Mary struggled to get over her resentment and to help Jane as best she could they saw less and less of each other they saw less and less of each other they saw less and less of each other they saw less and less of each other they saw less and less of each other they saw less and less of each other