Spiritual Friendship – Timothy Keller [Sermon]

today we read this passage out of the book of Acts Acts 20 this is Paul talking about Paul and when he that's St Paul when he had said this he knelt down with all of them and prayed they all wept as they embraced him and kissed him what grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again and then they accompanied him to the ship after we had torn ourselves away from them we put out to sea and sailed straight to cost the next day we went to roads and from there

to patara and we found a ship crossing over to Phoenicia and went on board and set sail after sighting Cyprus and passing to the south of it we sailed onto Syria we landed in Ty where our ship was to unload its cargo finding the disciples there we stayed with them seven days through the spirit they urged Paul not to go to Jerusalem but when our time was up we left and continued on our way all the disciples and their wives and children accompanied us out of the city and there on the beach we knelt to

pray after saying goodbye to each other we went aboard the ship and they returned home we continued our Voyage from Ty and landed at tmis where we greeted the brothers and stayed with them for a day leaving the next day we reached cesaria and stayed at the house of Philip the Evangelist one of the 7 let's end right there now every single week we're looking at another aspect another trait or characteristic of the church as Jesus designed it to be and we're doing this not just because of this Covenant renewal time in the life of

our church but also because anybody here anybody listening if you want to know anything about Jesus there's almost no better way to do it than to see what he designed his church to be there's almost no better way to know who he is or what he calls you to be except by looking at what he says the church should be now all the traits we're looking at are actually listed in Acts chapter 2 and one of these weeks I'll actually get out the list and go over them but the one we're looking at today uh

as soon as we uh come to it we have a problem with the English language because the trait we want to look at today is mentioned in Chapter 2 of Acts verse 42 where it talks about the early church and it says they devoted themselves to Fellowship Fellowship that's what we want to talk about today Christian Fellowship right away we have a problem because the word has been so trivialized and debased and when you think of Fellowship you think of punching cookies in the fellowship hall you think of U you think of touring the Holy

Land in a bus with the Sunday school class and we're having great fellowship and because the word has been so debased people nowadays like to talk about they use a different word for it they talk about Christian Community and that's a much better word that the experience of Jesus Christ The Gospel creates Christian Community but today I'd like to use another word that's not really better but it's a bit different and I think it'll be a little more challenging and maybe even a little more practical what the Bible teaches us is that the Gospel of

Jesus Christ creates and calls us into spiritual friendships I got this word from a 12th century book by a red of Revo an English monk it's a very very helpful book spiritual friendships in other words the Gospel of Jesus Christ does not simply send you deeper into the heart of God than you ever thought you would go or deeper into the heart of a hurting world than you ever thought you would go but it sends you deeper into the heart of other brothers and sisters in Christ giving you profound profundity and intimacy of relationships beyond

anything you ever thought was possible with any other human being that's what we're taught and all I want to do is to show you that in this very strange travel log as I read it through when you got done did you say and I mean when you read this you say what is this about this is just a travelog this is what is this where's the what's going on here uh but in the travelog this is all about friendship and even though there's way too many principles to bring out I'm going to give you four

four extremely important principles of spiritual friendship that we need before before we go to the table because the Lord's Supper is the perfect place to think about this according to the Bible spiritual friendships according to this passage I should say there's four principles spiritual friendships are needed discovered made and forever they're needed they're discovered not just made they're made not just discovered and they're forever number one first thing is they're needed something is happening in Paul's life here and you don't really get the picture of it unless you read the whole book of Acts but

let me give you the context starting here Paul's Life Changes forever all the rest of his life becomes one crushing trouble after another before this point Paul's sort of in charge of his life he makes his goals he goes out and he does all these missionary Journeys but in chapter 20: 21 we didn't read it it's up a little earlier in chapter 20: 211 Paul says that the spirit of God had shown him that he needs to go to Jerusalem and he knows if he goes to Jerusalem he'll be arrested imprisoned and that's exactly what

happens and in the rest of his life it's just one trial after another trial a narrow Escape an attack his life is in danger one more narrow escape and he's totally out of control his life is one more crushing trouble after another and starting here you will see that he spends an enormous amount of time with friends look look carefully everywhere he goes he's surrounded by his friends they walk with him to the beach they walk with him he's spending hours and hours and hours weeping And discussing and and talking and arguing as we're going

to see on and on and on suddenly he begins to swim in friends and what does this tell us here's the first lesson to need and to want deep Spirit deep friendships is not a sign of spiritual immaturity but of maturity it's not a sign of weakness it's a sign of Health um when Adam was created in Genesis 2 we have one of the great theological weirdnesses in the Bible because chapter 3 is When sin enters the world and all bad things happen from Genesis 3 on all the bad things but in Genesis 1 and

2 we see Humanity before the fall before sin when everything is great and as a result all the way through those first two chapters we see God saying it is good it is good it is good it is good but suddenly we get to one thing before sin comes into the world which is not good one thing that God says is not good that Adam is alone now here's what this means Adam was not lonely because he was imperfect but because he was perfect the ache for friends is the one ache that is not the

result of sin every other ache every other longing that Adam ever had that human beings ever had the the hunger ache the sickness ache the guilt ache see the lack of meaning in life ache they all come from sin this is one ache that's a good this is one ache that is part of his Perfection Adam could not even enjoy the parad God made us in such a way that we cannot enjoy Paradise without friends God made us in such a way that we cannot enjoy our joy without friends human friends Adam had a perfect

quiet time every day 24 hours you see never had a dry one and yet he needed now what does this let's practically apply this number one if you are lonely if you want more friends if you want closer friends if you feel lonely you are not dysfunctional you are fine you're lonely because you're not a tree you're lonely because you're not a machine you're lonely because you are because you're built this way that's the first point now I'm going to show you in a second that one of the reasons why you're lonely now you have

to be careful about this let's do a little self-analysis one of the reasons why you're lonely is because you want friends one of the reasons you want friends is because you don't have many friends one of the reasons you don't have friends may be because of sin because of flaws because of mistakes you're making but the passion for it the need for it the sense of lack is nothing not wrong at all that's first secondly let me apply this I hope you know who you are some of you have learned or are learning through semiconscious

decisions not to want or need friends now there's all kinds of reasons why this happens some of you may have if you live in New York City for more than four or five years it's a tremendous Temptation you've so many people have moved away you start to say I don't want to get started again it's also an age problem as you get older you realize how much time friends take or just the fact of living in the world people let you down people disappoint you people hurt you and so I would suggest that almost always

it's semiconscious very seldom do you say I am not going to need people anymore sometimes you do that but generally you don't do that but I hope you see that an awful lot of us are doing that right now and I beg you not to I say it's hard on your heart it's [Music] wrong you see the less you want people the less you want friends the less like God you are the less like Jesus you are if you read one of the things that amazes me Paul wasn't the only tremendously strong great person who

desperately needed friends there was a greater one and he had 12 friends and they never understood him and they continually let him down and they were always hurting his feelings and yet if you read the gospels you'll see one of the reasons why the gospels are so full is because he was constantly sharing his thoughts in his deepest hearts with his friends who didn't even get it until after Pentecost I mean take a look you I was just reading the other day here's here's in Luke 12 what does Jesus says he says I have a

baptism a fire to undergo and how distressed I am until it happens me what is he doing he's always thinking out loud he's always sharing his thoughts he's always saying would you please come and pray with me if you don't need people if you're afraid of accountability if you're afraid of people looking inside if you're afraid of have people people nosing into your business if you're afraid of needing if you're afraid of love the less you want friends the less like God you are don't you realize what is the purpose of creation and what was

the purpose of redemption what is the purpose of everything God has done since creation to make us friends see if you decide I think it's just not worth it I'm not going to need people look what you've done to yourself look what you're doing to yourself one more thing one lastly please friends friends let yourself need people and here's the trouble when you're in trouble it's too late you know very few people walk around very few people walk around saying I love air oh air air what good is my brain without air it wouldn't work

without air what good is my this food without air it wouldn't work you don't walk around say air oh my gosh air what would good with any of my life do no you only start to feel that way about air when you're underwater then you start to say then you start to say wow air I mean you know boy and you don't walk around saying I need friends usually until you emotionally and personally go under and then it's too late if you don't have them if they're not there spiritual friendships you need them secondly spiritual

friendships are discovered not just made now one of the things that I would never have known and you wouldn't either unless youd read the commentators but the people who know something about history and background and and the original languages and all that the people who write commentaries point out something that when they when Paul gets attire he's getting to a church that he did not plant he's getting to a church that he did not start he's getting to a place where there where he's meeting Christians that probably he's never met before and they feel that

it is their right to rise up and to say Paul you're all wrong to confront him to urge him through the spirit not to go to Jerusalem to get involved with his life and to get involved in decision- making and astonishingly and of course I couldn't print all the rest of the chapter if you watch very carefully you'll see astonishingly Paul lets them he doesn't say how dare you this is part of it the point is people that you have no natural Affinity with if you share Jesus Christ with them there is an automatic there

is a bond that exerts itself now in a sense even the pagans understood this if you read the one of the greatest works that was ever written on friendship is written by Cicero Pagan Greek a Roman I guess philosopher and if um uh and even in our own day we have people like Emerson who wasn't wasn't a Christian but they understood this and that is that the very essence of friendship is not to look at each other but to look at something in common what makes you a friend is not that you're kneeling before each

other saying dude don't you want to be in a relationship with me what makes friends friends is that you're both kneeling before something else the essence of friendship is to say not do you love me but do you love the same truth the what makes friendship happen is not that you're looking at each other and saying how's our relationship ship but you're looking at something that has captured your heart so even the pagans understood this the friends can't in a cannot be made out of nothing they can't be made out of nothing there has to

be some common passion some common adoration but you see with Christianity we've got an incredible possibility look twice Paul kneels and prays and right there you've got a physical picture of spiritual friendship if if you're both kneeling before the same God if you're both adoring the same God that pulls you together in astounding ways over and over the Bible says the most formative possible experience you can have is an experience of the grace of Jesus Christ and when that comes in this is what's so great there's a friendship bond that is exerted it's in a

I even use the word automatic though I'm going to show you you have to work with it it says in Ephesians 4: 2 and 3 it says maintain the Spirit of unity and the bond of Peace it doesn't say attain the spirit of unity and the bond of Peace maintain you can't attain it you can't create it you can be a steward of it but it comes it's a gift and it's there when two people fall in love with Jesus Christ they are becoming friends no matter who they used to be did you hear right

when two people become friend they start to fall in love with Jesus Christ they're kneeling before they are becoming friends no matter who they used to be this is beginning to happen at Redeemer look at your uniforms we all have to have uniforms we're all part of some human Community look at the way you're dressed look at the way you're made up look at the way you look there's Uptown uniforms there's downtown uniforms there's corporate uniforms there's creative uniforms there's homeboy there's Valley girls there's preppies there's yuppies and you got to be something oh I'm

not anything well then you're probably a nerd but Tom Wolf some years ago wrote this great story about the fact that when the Vatican when the Vatican brought their Treasures to the Metropolitan Museum of Art you have to have a kind of supper you have to have a big meal at the Met and the people who have brought so the trouble was the people who brought the art were priests so the Met had to do it they brought all the glitterati you know the glitterati the people who run the museums the people of the art

world the people who are successful in the art world you see the glitterati and they had them sit down and they and at the meal they were seated like this glitterati priest glitterati priest L PR and Tom wol said uh somebody at one point a couple of them did get out to go to the bathroom or something and on the way back in one was heard to say to the other one my God who are these people and you see that's New York we see each other on the streets but we live absolutely parallel lives

we would never want to know somebody who wears that kind of tie but when Christ happens you know what's going on you don't if you're if you're a glitterati you don't stop dressing Chic but you're not kneeling before chicness anymore you're not kneeling down and worshiping chicness you're kneeling down and worshiping Jesus Christ and that makes you a brother or a sister with the nerdiest nerd who loves and is kneeling before the same thing it means that there's a bond there that you don't have with your what used to be your own people you're a

Christian first and you're anything else second it doesn't matter who your ancestors was it doesn't matter your race it doesn't matter your experience it doesn't matter way you've been through through Vietnam or World War II or the depression or the divorce culture it doesn't matter your age spiritual friendship is discovered first now I got to move on see in other words it is there are possibilities for getting on inside the Christian church with people between people friendships that outside the Christian Church would be impossible anywhere else and the Bible over and over again I don't

have time to go into it now says that this is the test that you have experienced Grace if you've experienced Grace you find yourself not just sort of getting along but coming to love people that before you would have never wanted to even spend a moment with never that's one of the ways you know that something's happened to you and if it isn't happening to you and you can't give me a list what's it mean here let me make this application this is one of the reasons this this second principle that friendships happen they're not

something you can create denovo and they come from what you're in love with and they happen with people who are most in love with the same thing you're in love with as a result of that this is one of the reasons why a lot of people have very few friends CS Lewis in his book four loves puts it this way he says if you want nothing but approval if you want nothing but friends you'll never have friends because friendship is always about something besides friends he's got this great spot in his book which explains why

some people and probably some people right here find that they don't have much in the way of friend friends he says that is why those pathetic people who simply want friends can never make any the very condition for having friends is that we should want something else besides friends if someone asks you do you see the same truth and the honest answer is I don't care about that I just want you to be my friend then no real friendship can possibly arise there would be nothing for the Friendship to be about those who have nothing

can share nothing those who are going nowhere can have no fellow Travelers but let me get it down to Christian ity one of the reasons why you don't have more friends is because your friendship with God isn't passionate because you're not kneeling on the beach because his love is not just overwhelming you one of the reasons why people come to certain folks and open up is because there's a Poise there's a peace there's a love there's a joy there's a Vitality that comes from their friendship with God you're not attractive unless you have friendship with

God here's the great irony make friendship with God more important than friendship with people get in with God more than you want to get in with people and people will come and want to get in with you spiritual friendship is discovered not just made then thirdly spiritual friendship is made not just discovered now somebody says isn't that a contradiction no it's a tension but if you look here you will see that these friendships take a tremendous amount of work in a sense the gospel gives you the raw material I mean you artists know this sculptors

God gives you the raw material but then you have an awful lot to do with it and if you look carefully you know the word coinonia that Greek word that is always translated Fellowship in the Bible is actually uh means to share now take a look look with me and see if you if you want friendships you have to share you have to share look number one they share their feelings look at on the beach the first time they what they wept they kissed they embraced guys guys you can't be a Christian you cannot be

you cannot have spiritual friendship unless you share your feelings secondly they shareed their things have you notice that Paul was staying with people Hospitality people opened their homes people fed him you can't be friends unless you're willing to share your things thirdly they share their faith they're constantly talking about the lord they're constantly talking about the gospel they're constantly praying there's this great place in Hebrews 3:1 13 that says exhort one another daily lest you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin the word exhort is one of the Greek words for preach and it says

you have got to have people in your life that are so close to you that you and they can you can preach the gospel to each other you've got to have friends to preach the gospel to you or you will be deceived your heart will automatically Harden unless should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin you are not spir it's not spiritual friendship unless you're preaching the gospel to each other unless you have got some people in your life that you authorize to press you sometimes and that leads to number four they share their feelings

they share their um what I just do things they share their faith they're sharing the decision now here's what's fascinating they say in verse four that the spirit through the spirit the spirit had given them enough insight as to say if you go to Jerusalem that's going to be the end of your missionary career and they urge him not to go but if you go back to chapter 20: 211 you'll see the Paul says the spirit told him to go now some people get very confused about this but only for this reason what is fascinating

is if you read along a little further and I guess I better read it to it for a little further they keep arguing with him and at one point it says um when we heard this we and the people were pleading with Paul not to go up to Jerusalem this is verse 12 and then Paul answered why are you weeping and breaking my heart I am ready not only to be bound but also to die for the Lord Jesus and when he would not be dissuaded we gave up and said the Lord's will be done

notice they didn't say the spirit told us you shouldn't go you are disobeying the spirit and he didn't say look the spirit told me I have to go so why are we having this discussion any View of the spirit's guidance in your life that is so mechanistic it leaves out the process of friendship of iron sharpening iron of really being open to each other anybody who doesn't understand that doesn't understand the power of Christian friendship we are never allowed to make our decisions by ourselves there is no unilateral decision- making going on Paul never says

mind your own business he doesn't even say that's a Christians he hardly even knows like entire you're not a friend unless you let people into your business and unless you stop being self- accredited you're not a friend unless if you can continually come and say the Lord said and you have to obey what I'm telling you but it's you're also not a friend if you if you refuse to let people come and say I just think you're absolutely wrong you've got to listen you have to share decisions okay one more thing you have to share

your time every other kind of love besides friend love will push itself on you because it's a biological or sociological necessity romantic love will be pushed on you by your hormones family love will be pushed on you by your family citizenship love will be pushed on you by your country I didn't want to do jury duty and when it was done I said boy it's great to be here working with my fellow citizens to try to make this a more just place but it was forced on me but nobody will force you on this and

friendship love because there is no biological or sociological necessity would take a lot more time it's being squeezed out you've got got to share your time you've got to share your heart you've got to share your life but there's one more thing I had to read this thing 20 times before I saw it look at the word we who's we Paul has said if I go to Jerusalem I'm going to probably be executed and everybody else is says if we go to Jerusalem you know he's probably going to be imprisoned and executed but Luke goes

ahead he's going to Jerusalem with him why would you do something as stupid is that especially when you had some doubt that he was right cuz that's friendship as Alid says in worldly friendship you really aren't loving people for their sake you're using them see whenever you find yourself loving somebody because it makes you feel good about yourself because it's a slick person or loving somebody because this person is giving a lot of approval or loving somebody because they're listening to you and they're eating you know you know out of your hand but then when

the person becomes stupid in your mindset or stops approving you or actually becomes actually more of a drain and if you say then I've had it with you you never love them to start with you love the love you were getting you were using them if a person who always seems to need you suddenly starts to get strong and you don't want to be their friend anymore you needed they're needing of You Luke is committed a friend shares commitment a friend shares life a friend says I'll be there thick or thin and if you do

all these things built on that original thing that God has there in Christ you will have the most powerful the deepest friendships and relationships you could possibly ever have one last thing friendships are forever now I'll tell you where I get that from you have to read the whole book of Acts you have to understand the narrative you have to understand the flow but Luke is again and again showing Christians saying goodbye goodbye you'll never see me again goodbye you'll never see him again yet there's a Poise and yet there's a peace and that's the

reason here's the reason why no other religion believes that friendships last you see they don't really believe that uh you know Easter religions say when you die you go into impersonality secularism says you know well when you die you rot and even religions that believe only in a god they don't believe in the Trinity they believe God used to always exist and then when he created human beings or Angels then he started having relationships but Christian God is Triune if you go back to Proverbs 8 and you will see it talks about the father and

the son God and wisdom delighting in each other as they created the world the Bible says that relationships and friendships were the reason we were built our creation is the result of friendships and our destiny is eternal friendship you know there's is a very very awful but wonderful folk song It Was Written many years ago and you can tell you you've heard songs like this it's about a woman who's sitting on the beach and this is it's an American folks line it goes like this a where is my sailor boy where is my sailor boy

he sleeps at the bottom of the deep blue sea and he can't come back to me she stood on the beach at dawn and gazed at the misty blue saying see as you hold him to your breast does he mention my name to you oh please tell me deep blue sea is he sleeping peacefully while the Winds of the north are blowing icy cold can you keep him warm for me if only my Grieving Soul some token of love could find if only the waves would tell me where he sleeps I would leave this world

behind okay here's a woman and her love or her husband has been drowned and she talks to the Sea as if it's a person and she thinks of him not as chemicals but is still there somebody she wants to relate to and she yearns for the idea of Eternal friendship but the chorus every time it's a great song because the chorus every time says this but what does the deep sea say what does the deep sea say it moans and groans and splashes and Foams and rolls on its weary way you know why because the

sea isn't personal the sea can't keep him the sea can't hold on to him the sea can't keep him warm at night the sea can't keep him until she gets there so she's on the beach and she's the answer of the sea I don't care and yet when Jonathan Edwards was dying and his wife was far away in Stockbridge he was down in Princeton this is back in the 1750s he dictated a letter to his wife through his daughter Lucy and this is what he said give my kindest love to my dear wife and tell

her that the uncommon Union which has so long subsisted between us has been of such a nature as I trust is spiritual and therefore will continue forever two people kneeling on the beach behind the sea is a heart all creation was about making us friends all Redemption is about keeping us remaking us friends and therefore Christianity says life is about friendship go get it now as we go to the Lord's Supper here's what I suggest you do here's what we're going to do this is a perfect time because the Lord's Supper is all about Unity

where do you see what we're singing first of all I suggest if any of you have a friendship to repair this is the time to do it if you know you've done something wrong if you know that you just have got to swallow your pride and go to somebody and make the Friendship up it is traditional in fact Jesus even suggests it he says if you know that you've got something between you and a friend leave your gift at the altar and go now this is a way of saying this fast in in ancient days

they used to always say I will not eat or drink until I get something done okay if you want to really really make a promise don't take the Lord's Supper until you get your friend back abstain so that you can actually kind of strengthen your heart for it and don't think of it as a failure it's a success you have a friendship to repair do that secondly some of you need to just in general get rid of all of the hurt feelings and the and the and the fussiness and all you know our friendships are

supposed to be about Jesus not about do you like me how well do you like me there shouldn't be all this Intrigue there shouldn't be all this awful self-consciousness it wasn't much it wasn't long ago that a friend of mine who I've known for a long time called me up and said I you know what for years I've been upset that I call you five times for every time you call me and then I began to realize that our lives have gone differently I'm a private person and you're much more of a public person and

I want you to know I'm glad you're my friend and he took all this off of me me cuz what he was saying is what was he doing at that point he was getting rid of the Intrigue he was getting rid of all that un the self-consciousness he was starting he he was starting to say I'm full because Jesus Christ is my friend I can love you better because I don't need you so badly and you need to do that some of you during the Lord's Supper take the Lord's Supper but at the same time

say this is the strengthen my friendship with you so I can strengthen my friendship with other people and some of you by the way who are married need to ask God show me how to make my spouse my best friend again or maybe for the first time oh make this Lord's Supper about friendship friendship with him friendship with each other let's pray thank you for listening today gospel and life's Ministry is supported by generous Partners all over the world your gifts allow us to share the gospel message with millions of people through our podcast Radio

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