stop telling everyone everything

right um hi how are you I hope you're doing well so the other day uh someone called me a D1 yapper and that made me reflect on the fact that I talk a lot and I was thinking about whether or not that's a bad thing because over the course of my life I have met so many people where it feels as though I'm a dentist and I'm pulling teeth trying to be able to speak to them they give me absolutely nothing or the conversation feels like an interview because I'll say something that is so broad

enough where you could really go in any direction with it and I I obviously give my two cents I chip in and I I give a whole monologue a whole Spiel on climate change or whatever the conversation is how good steak is and you know I asked them like oh what about you how do you feel about that how do you feel about that show that movie that book that current event and they'll be like yeah no I I I like that too that's good it's a blessing and a curse to be able to speak

so easily and readily about anything and everything including my personal life but these past couple of weeks I have seen how much more beneficial it is to just keep quiet and not really give people a whole lot of what I'm thinking as someone who's been labeled an extrovert his entire life I wanted to share with you the reasons why I feel as though saying every little thing about your life might not be the best thing to do and how you can go about saying more by speaking less let's talk about the reason why people feel

they need to talk so much in particular about their personal lives there definitely are some deep psycholog iCal reasons why people feel the need to overshare and never having the silence between them and another person settle but I feel that for the vast majority of people what it comes down to at the end of the day is that when they're speaking to another person they enter into their people pleaser mode if you're hanging out with a friend or you're going on a DAT or you're about to meet someone for the first time you're going to

have this innate desire to want to connect with the other person and so you're bound to talk to them because if you stay silent that's going to imply that there isn't really anything to say and that's almost never the case when it's with someone who you've known for a very long time or someone who you want to know or someone who you have yet to know the problem is that in making said connect no in wanting the problem is that in making sorry the problem is that in making the problem the problem is that in

wanting to make said connection you are going to share details about your life that are pretty personal and on second thought you should not have said them at least not at that point not yet my notes are all over the place I do apologize is for that so I'm just going to one two three and we will do with that what we will let us we're going to Frankenstein something together ready okay all right you are more willing to overshare because you have been trained by social media to be vulnerable and relatable with the rise

of the influencer and the content creator there are more and more people fighting for our attention and affection and one of the things that separates insert content creator here from Drake Beyonce Jake Gyllenhaal literally any other traditional celebrity is is the fact that this content creator is opening up about their divorce their infidelity their weight loss Journey the fact that they're a firsttime homeowner the fact that they finally got big in whatever industry they're trying to make it into that they quit their Tech job the list goes on and on and on they share these

deeply personal details that should typically be reserved for family or for really close friends inner Inner Circle type people they share that with you because it gives them a sense of validation because when they post it on Tik Tok or Instagram or YouTube or wherever it is they're going to get flooded with comments of people saying I feel you that happened to me I support you I wish you the best and that also translates to not just external validation but to social currency which we've seen in real time how that can translate to real currency

very quick and even though you're not pursuing a career in social media or content creation that external validation alone might be enough to translate to your real life and so that when you meet someone IRL you're more likely to share and open up and be vable to them you overshare because you seek outside approval and external validation and this is not just for you this is literally for me so just going to share an example for you the other day my dad's business worker and his wife came over for dinner and the topic of where

I went to school and what I do for work came up now I don't like answering that question at all because I feel as though where I am right now there's so much more I am capable of doing outside of work that what I do for work does not speak on the character of who I am as a person and and what I can produce and what I have to give to the world I am actively trying to make a life for myself where I could leave that job and be able to happily answer the

question of oh I do this oh I've done that and these are the next things that I have looking forward to in the future but I'm not there yet and they don't know this they don't know the lore of my life so when asked the question I could say oh I work at a bookstore but I have this YouTube channel and I'm trying to grow it and I have this other side business that I'm trying to start I have this little side hustle and I'm trying to learn this skill so I can be more marketable

and I'm trying to do this and I'm trying to do that so yes I work here but I could do all that and tell them my hopes and my dreams and my aspirations in life but instead I simply just said I work at a bookstore it's okay I was going to pretend as if there wasn't a difference in the video Even though there have been a change in quite a few things but uh yeah it's been a couple of days since that first part of the video and I'm just editing it right now and I've

noticed that the other half of the video has the sound completely cut off so um it is a travesty it's so difficult to get this done but um hope you could bear with the difference I hope we can be with the change and let us move okay the point that I wanted to make a couple of days ago is that it's okay to not want to tell people your business and I feel as though that might be construed as cold or rude but there shouldn't be anything rude about wanting to keep your person personal life

personal it is really hot so we really must be wrapping this up okay next point when you tell everyone everything about you including your hopes dreams and aspirations you are opening up the space for people to negatively affect you and criticize you so let's take me as an example again right so with regards to YouTube outside of my immediate family and one or two people no one really knows that I'm actively trying to create and grow a channel that can get to the point where I am a content creator YouTuber whatever it is that you

want to call this is so cringe but let's be honest and let's just open up to one another I like the fact that with every single video I feel at least I'm learning a little something more and I am bettering the craft and making videos and I am proving to myself that I can do this thing that I wanted to start out and try to do I am enjoying so much the process and I don't tell people anything about it because I don't want them to ruin it for me and I don't think that people

are going to say anything bad right I think that at worst people are going to be impartial and not really care at all and I think at best they're going to want to subscribe and they're going to want to watch and tune in to every single video they're going to turn on the the notifications right they're going to support me every step of the way but there's always that chance that there's going to be one person that's going to be like oh well if you're going to do this YouTube thing you might as well go

into this Niche because it makes this much money or I see you more as doing this kind of content because the way that I know you blah blah blah blah blah oh you've been doing this for like six months now and you haven't seen anything in my opinion I don't care what your opinion is with all due respect I have little to no regard what your your concerns are for my Endeavors this might be a hot take I'm at ruffle some feathers but I really do think that the current social climate that we are in

makes it very difficult for people especially my age and Below to know to establish boundaries and to understand the fact that people are not entitled to know your information they're not entitled to know things about you okay Jose so then how am I supposed to establish meaningful connections with people if I can't tell them what I'm doing or what I think never said you can't tell people anything no I have so look at you it's so hard to not look at the viewfinder um I never said that you can't tell people anything no I'm saying

that you have to be careful about who you are telling these things to and what exactly you're saying to them share with people your accomplishments not your dreams if you're thinking about moving let people know after you've already signed the lease or if you're thinking about taking up running let them know that you're running after you're capable of running a half marathon even if you are in the process of something there's no need to tell people much less tertiary car in your life more than they need to know if you're having a conversation with someone

and the topic of hobbies comes up you can tell them that you're learning Italian but there's no need to tell them that the reason why you're learning Italian is because you're Italian-American and you don't feel connected to your Italian roots and the next summer you're planning a trip to Italy so you want to learn Italian so that you can connect with your family that is in Italy and don't speak English that's a great reason for wanting to pick up another language but the other person doesn't need to know that they also don't even care if

we're being honest I am at work and when things are slow I am a yapper I talk to everyone and I ask them these crazy stupid hypothetical questions that will never see the light of day that will never happen and it makes for interesting conversation in the moment but when I sit back and reflect I realize that I know for a fact that these people don't care about what they would do in a burning building and they can only take three things outside or if they want a billion dollars where is the first place that

they're going to go they're interesting questions to contemplate in the moment but they don't add value to anyone of our lives and I know for a fact that fast forward 5 6 seven days fast forward one day you don't know what my answer was you don't care what my answer was and the same goes in the other direction I have learned that if it does not add value to the other person's life or if they are not asking they're not seeking this information out then there's no reason to open my mouth and tell them and

share this piece of information with them and that's it those are my thoughts those are that's my spiegle that's what I have to say than so much for listening what about you what do you think do you feel like you talk a lot do you feel as though your words don't carry much weight because you're just constantly saying them do you feel like you overshare a lot and you are constantly opening yourself up to people especially people you don't really know or should be saying this stuff to I would love to know what it is

that you think I really would I just think that it's so crazy that this video is taken so many days to put together and when I'm going to sit down and edit it it's probably going to amount to like 10 11 minutes if that um but that doesn't make the fact that it's shorter than the other videos that I've posted any less meaningful I'm so grateful to have been able to talk to you and to share and let you know what has oh uh I have been so grateful to let you know what is on

my mind and what I have been thinking about because I think it's very applicable to my life and I want to know if it's applicable to you so yeah please feel free to let me know what your thoughts are in the comments I would very much appreciate that and have a dialogue with you I would also like to know if you think that the setup is weird if filming in my car is weird I don't know I've seen people do it um as always it has been a pleasure thank you so much for spending this

time with me and I hope to see you again in the next one okay okay bye-bye