Caught My Fiance Who Had Been Cheating on Me, but My Parents Wanted Me to Forgive Him, but Then i...

I caught my fiancé who had been cheating on me, but my parents wanted me to forgive him. Then, I also exposed Dad's affair, and Mom left him after 30 years. I was to be married in July.

Two months ago, I came home from a work trip to find my ex-fiancé in bed with my BFF's sister. I kicked him out, canceled the wedding, and warned him I would get rid of his stuff if he didn't come get it all. Then, weeks later, I dumped it all on the curbside with a "Free" sign.

I sold, donated, or dumped everything he gave me and pawned the ring. I blocked him everywhere, called the cops on him when he showed up after I gave his stuff away, banging on my door, and called them again when he turned up at my workplace and made a scene. I called them on his family when they showed up en masse to plead his case.

I didn't go scorched earth on my ex-BFF's sister; I did tell her husband I caught her in bed with my ex. Last I heard, she'd been kicked out of the house and was back living with her parents. My ex-BFF tried talking me into giving them both a chance to explain.

"What? No! " Then she got angry at me for ruining her sister's relationship, called me petty and cold-hearted, so I kicked her to the curb too.

I don't want dishonest people who are blasé about betrayal in my life. This encounter no doubt simmered under my skin until I unleashed on my parents. Maybe that's the reason, because it lingered.

I was so harsh with them. Last week, I met my parents for dinner. I took a date with me to the restaurant, hoping his being there would waylay any discussion about my failed engagement.

My parents have been pressuring me to work things out with the ex. "He's so, so sorry. I owe it to him to talk with him, give him five minutes to explain himself.

She meant nothing to him; he made a mistake. I'm cruel for shutting him out the way I have. How could I call the police on him?

How could I do the same to his family? His parents are good people; they didn't deserve to be humiliated in that manner. He's having a rough time; he's depressed.

Everybody is worried about him. He loves me—really loves me. He's learned his lesson.

It's time to grow up and forgive him. " No, my date's presence didn't stop them from bringing it all up again. I lost my cool and asked my father if he expected me to give my ex a pass every time he sticks his dick into anything that moves, like he does.

I asked my mother how turning a blind eye to her husband's infidelity works for her. How does she hold her head up while having lunch with women that have slept around with her husband for years? Is that the kind of man, the life she wants for me and my sister, for her daughters?

I asked if they had any idea of the impact that knowledge had on me and my siblings growing up—knowing that Dad was late home from work as he was screwing his secretary; knowing "work weekend" was code for "dirty weekend" with a woman, not our mother. Did they not know why it was that of their four children, I am the only one that still talks to them? Do they not question why they were not invited to my brother's weddings, why they have never met either of my brother's wives and children?

Do they think my sister's silence is because she's being dramatic and throwing a tantrum? Really? I stood from the table, congratulated them on the loss of their last remaining child, and told them I hope their arrogance, willful blindness, and misery were a comfort to them to their last breaths.

Then I left. My date—I should have saved him for a proper date rather than to say "F you" to my parents—took me to the nearest bar, let me cry on his shoulder while I proceeded to get shitfaced, then made sure I got home safely. The next day, he messaged me to see if I was alive and sent a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Sprite over with DoorDash.

I didn't block my parents, but I haven't heard from them. It's been a week, and I've calmed down enough to feel regret—not for what I said, but because I can see the looks on their faces when I made my final farewell. I crushed them, hurt them, especially my mother.

Despite their faults—and there are many—I love my parents. I don't like knowing I hurt them; I'm feeling a lot of guilt about it. Edit 1: I have yet to read all the comments, but from what I have seen so far, I think some details need to be cleared up.

My date knew we were going to have dinner with my parents. He asked me out that morning. I told him my plans for the evening and jokingly asked if he wanted to come along.

I didn't expect him to say yes. I then informed him I wasn't serious, and anyway, it would probably be a little uncomfortable. He said if needed, he could post bail.

So, there you go: he did not enter that restaurant unaware of potential drama. Edit 2: The people mentioned in my post are not the only people in my life. I have my siblings in my life; they didn't cut me off.

My sister flew in to be with me just days after I discovered the cheating, and I have good friends—friends who helped me pack up my ex's things, helped me to move it all down to the curb, a friend that found me a guy that paid a fair price for the items he left behind. Price for the engagement ring: I only mentioned "BFF" etc. because how they acted and what they were saying contributed to all those buried feelings that had been dormant for years coming out when they did, in the way they did.

Comments where OP has replied: "My ex's parents are on the periphery of my parents' circle, and I have no doubt that they know all about my father's too-many-to-count infidelities. I can well imagine that they expected me to put up with the same disrespect my mother has all these years. " Commenter: "You love your parents, but you don't like them nor their decisions.

" Completely makes sense, given what you have told us about your childhood and their recent behavior. What do you need them to do to remain in your life as non-toxic? Think about that: what do you need them to do?

What would be the ideal, and what would be the bare minimum? OOP: "Ideally, I'd like my mother to leave my father and take him for everything. That will never happen.

Another thing that won't ever happen is my father practicing discretion. What do they care for the humiliation they forced on us, knowing their own needs and desires will always be prioritized over anyone else's? I'd settle for an acknowledgement of the hurt we've endured for most of our lives, but I don't think I should hold my breath for that.

" Commenter: "It could well be that seeing how her mom sees nothing amiss with her partner cheating and how OP seems to have no issue with it, that’s why the ex thought there’d be no consequences for him either. " OOP: "I can see how people would think that. I didn't talk about it ever with anyone but my sister.

Even then, we were both drunk and high when it came up. Of course, others would think I accepted that things were as they were. Of course, they would.

It's not like anyone asked if I was okay with it, so how could they be expected to know that I wasn't? I understand that POV. " Update September 29th, 2024: It's been a minute since I was here last.

Life has been busy, work has been busy, and updating Reddit wasn't on my mind. Apologies to all those that continue to send messages asking for an update. I figure better late than never.

A quick recap: I lost my temper with my parents when they tried to push me to forgive and reconcile with my cheating ex. Some really hurtful and harsh truths were shared by me to them in the moment. Afterwards, I felt tremendous guilt; the regret started to eat at me.

Where to start? First, a thank you to all who replied to my post. I tried to read every comment, and though I didn't post for the validation, most of you gave—receiving it did lighten the load a little bit.

It didn't take away from the guilt I carried, but I was able to work through that to see that although my timing was off, what I said was absolutely necessary. Thank you to some of those that sent me private messages rather than posting on the main thread. Having read your own stories of a similar upbringing, conversing with you has helped me to understand that my childhood and teens were traumatic, that those years left wounds that I'd never addressed until this all came about.

One more shout-out to those that sent harassing messages about my choices. Those people that preached about the sanctity of marriage and how men are basic creatures with basic needs, those that attempted to school me on how to be a woman that needs to lean and do my duty by allowing a man his vices, saying that it was really all my fault for not supporting my ex in his time of need. Special shout-out to the men that offered to teach me how to be submissive and learn my place in this world.

And last but not least, the sweet little chicken nugget that told me my reaction was proof that I am a serial cheater and my ex should have used a cattle prod on my happy place. It must have been tough for all of you when your women left. Big props to those ladies for escaping a life of misery with you.

Now for what has happened since: My mother left my father not long after my post, maybe a couple of weeks afterward. She showed up at my apartment one night with her luggage. I can't explain how broken and pitiful she was.

I brought her inside, held her, and my heart broke for her. I realized then that she had no one she could turn to—absolutely no one: no family, no friends. I cannot help but wonder if she had been all alone for all the years of her marriage, and if me or one of my siblings had said something sooner, would she have had the courage to leave my father then?

I'd never seen my mother, usually so dignified and unruffled, look so broken. It shocked me to see her that way. It worried me so much that I made her sleep in my bed with me.

I called my siblings, and within days they all came to show support and love. Then it was me, my mother, and my sister sleeping in my bed. It was good for her to see that her children still cared, because we did care, we did love her.

It was the situation my siblings distanced themselves from. At first, my mother stayed with me. She was having a hard time of it—years of humiliation, shame, and guilt ached her.

I was worried about her state of mind and didn't like to leave her alone. I couldn't take time off work to be. .

. with her every second of the day, so I took her to the shelter and we got her a dog. My thinking was if she had something to take care of, it would distract her from dark thoughts.

I was hoping for a puppy because they're playful and would keep her busy, but she fell in love with a 5-year-old mixed breed, and he fell right back. He's a goof. We don't know how it happened, but we woke up one night to him howling because he had somehow wedged his head in between the spindles on the stairs—his whole head!

We had to call the fire department to rescue him. Of course, my mother didn't think he was at fault, and she now refers to him as her baby. He adores my mother, though.

My oldest brother moved some things around. Ren moved her across the country to live with him and his family; he thought she would do better if there was no chance of her running into Dad or one of his many women. He found her a therapist, and that seems to be working.

She is loving being a grandmother, and all reports are that she is an indulgent one. She has a separate in-law suite, so she gets to see them every day. My brother tells me when the kids go missing, they can now be found at Grandma's.

My dad is my dad; he doesn't lack for company. I had dinner with him not long after my mother moved across the country, where he introduced me to the new woman in his life. I reminded them both that I knew exactly who she was, considering she called my mother her best friend for all my life.

Cue another awkward dinner. My dad tried to make it as pleasant as he could, but whenever she spoke to me, I would bring up a memory from my childhood of her spending time with our family and ask if she was sleeping with my father all the way back then. The next day, he called to tell me how disappointed he was with me.

I felt it only fair to share my own disappointments. We argued for a bit; he tried to downplay all he had done over the years, tried to play the victim of his own actions. I ended up cutting the conversation short and blocking him.

It was just over a month ago when he showed up at my door. I wouldn't let him in, and I'm sure that rattled him some. He told me he didn't want to lose me.

Say what you want about him, but he is my dad. I love him. I don't want to lose him either.

He promised he wouldn't force me to interact with any of his women. So far, we have had a couple of pleasant outings that have gone well. I am cautiously hopeful that we can continue to be in each other's lives.

As for me, well, I took that advice some of you gave me, and I am in therapy. It is humbling to come to the realization that though you may think you're fine, you are actually not. It has been almost unbearable to face all that history and excruciatingly painful to dig through it all.

At the end of some sessions, all I want to do is head to the nearest bar and drink until I forget all about what I just went through to find out where it all started and why I am the way I am. I think therapy is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I don't know how some of you have been doing it for as long as you have.

I also don't know why you do it so willingly. I'm a crazy nutter for listening to all you nutters in the first place, but it is helping. Now for the update most of you want: I cannot even tell you how many messages I continue to receive from people wanting to know about him.

It was almost like you all were saying, "Girl, we don't care about whatever life crisis you're going through; just tell us about the date. " Well, I haven't replied to any of those queries because my post wasn't about him. Now I figure, in a roundabout way, I owe you something because you all played a part in where we are today.

I won't give a rundown of everything that has happened between us, but I will give you a few things. He contacted me after seeing a podcast on YouTube. He sent me a link with the query, "Is this you?

" It would be an understatement to say I was mortified. My mortification kept me from replying to him. I was so deep in my embarrassment that I didn't even bother to read the messages he sent me over the next couple of weeks.

When I finally did read them, it was to find a whole heap of screenshots of people's comments. I'm going out on a limb by saying you don't need me to tell you the contents of the comments he was sending me. I eventually got back to him.

It was difficult for us to make time to see each other; as I stated earlier, my life, both personal and professional, has been busy—busy. He also has a life and work. We were only able to meet up for coffee a couple of times.

I didn't think we were going to be able to grow a friendship, let alone anything beyond that. I've since learned that he is tenacious and persistent, like a dog with a bone. He kept at it until we found time to go on a second date.

That date went well and led to another, then another. Then he introduced me to the two most important people in his life: his grandparents. Grandfather carves little wooden figurines, and I have since acquired a flock of wooden birds.

His grandmother thinks I'm too skinny; she feeds me whenever I see her and usually sends me home with food. He gets along with my sister and brothers. He came with me to visit my mother on her birthday and met them all.

He was very gracious with her. I had him saved in my phone as "Cheeseburger. " He took issue with that because he bought me a double cheeseburger, so I started calling him "Double Cheese," and then shortened that to "DC.

" He is still saved in my phone as "Cheeseburger. " He's an undercover Swifty, and I don't quite know what to do with that. I don't have anything against Taylor Swift, but I sure didn't pick him to love her.

He did use his little sister and niece's cover for his Taylor Swift love; now he uses me. I am fine with being so used. Comments where OP has replied: Commenter: Now this was an update.

I wish you the best. Ask for a duck to go with those birds. LOL.

I wish you a good life. OP: I asked for an owl, and he gave me a goose. LOL.

Commenter: I'm so happy to hear you're dating the Cheeseburger! I hope things continue to go well with that. Was hoping to hear something about the cheating ex, like he's homeless and lost his job.

LOL. OP: He's not even a blip on my radar. Why do you even still love your dad?

Are you in contact with him? Commenter: I love my dad. It's possible to love someone yet abhor what they do, just like I love my mother even though she stayed.

I will not feel guilty for loving both my parents; it will never happen. Further down the thread: Commenter: Where do I dodge the question? OP: I love my dad.

Dad, I love my mother. What he put us through was a form of abuse, and what she forced us to endure by staying was also a form of abuse. I love them anyway.

I'm not going to deny it; I love my parents. Sumi: Next story—principal recognized my BF from when he visited. Now they're threatening to fire me if I don't break up with him.

I, 24F, am a high school science teacher, and my boyfriend, 25M, isn't a model. This is important. Today after school, he helped me carry in some stuff for a lab I'll be doing with my kids.

When he arrived, the principal (I'll call her Jan) was outside for dismissal and was able to meet him while he was helping me set everything up in my classroom. Jan came in and asked if they had ever met since he looked familiar. My BF said he didn't think so, and that was that.

When we finished, I gave him a tour of the school that ended at the office. Jan was still there and greeted us again before a look of what I can only describe as fear came across her face. She quickly excused herself, and we were left alone and confused.

My BF asked if maybe she recognized him from his A page. I said surely not, since she's a middle-aged woman who barely knows how to use her phone. He let me live in denial until I got a text from her as we were cooking dinner.

She said, "Good evening, OP. I'd like to have a meeting with you and an HR person tomorrow morning. Please be in my office at 7:00 a.

m. " So now I'm almost certain that my BF was right and she does know him from his page. He keeps trying to reassure me that it's not about that, but I can see in his eyes that he's at least a little proud of himself.

I've kicked him out to go buy me some stress snacks. My friends are busy, and my family doesn't. Now he's an A model, so I don't know who else to turn to.

Maybe y'all have advice for me. I want to crawl out of my skin. Comments where OP has replied: Commenter: Dingo Fator, baby!

That would be a ridiculous reason to be fired. I would recommend recording if you're in a one-party consent state for recording. She can't fire you because she's a naughty girl.

OP: At the beginning of the year, one of my co-workers told me that another teacher got fired for wearing a skirt above her knee, so I'm just freaked out, I guess. Commenter: Call your union! Call your rep!

Don't admit or agree to anything; in fact, say as little as possible. If it's about his A page, you're about to get paid! But here's a flip side: you said he helped you carry things in—are supposed to have visitors sign in.

Did he? OP: Yeah, I asked for her permission a day in advance and had him sign in at the front office. They gave him a sticker badge.

Update SE 12, 2024: Hello, I asked for advice, and y'all gave so much! Thank you! I felt very supported.

Also, a lot of y'all clocked it; I do work for a religious private school. Anyway, I arrived for my meeting at 7:00. I know a lot of you thought it was early, but school starts at 7:45, so it was a normal time for me.

I did record the meeting, and even though I am in a one-party consent state, I asked to be safe. The meeting started with Jan, my principal, saying that it had recently come to their attention that my BF had been publicly participating in Lua. I asked what she meant since, as far as I knew, my BF had never had charges filed against him for something like that.

That's when the HR lady, Pam, said that. . .

Somebody, they couldn't name, just said it was a staff member who found his account. Like many of you said, I asked what that was since I had never heard of it. They explained, although they did not look as uncomfortable as I had hoped.

Then they asked if I had ever participated in, or intended to participate in, one of his videos. I said no. Jan said that I couldn't bring any unvetted guests into the building, so I pulled up the email thread I had asking for permission and reminded her that he had his ID scanned in order to get a temp badge.

Pam said that it was due to the nature of his online activity that he would no longer be allowed in the school. I said okay and asked if, when I brought my dad to help with things in the future, I would need to disclose his online activity as well. Pam said that wasn't necessary but that they couldn't have any teacher or staff member affiliated with a sex worker.

I asked what that meant, and she said that I could not bring him onto school grounds, to school functions, or anything relating to the school. Additionally, since the school represented the church, the staff could only have relationships with people who upheld a dignified image. Apparently, my BF doesn't do that.

She also said that if they received one report from a parent, student, or staff member of my affiliation with him after this meeting, that would be grounds for immediate termination. I asked if that also applied to the staff member who reported it in the first place, since they went onto a corn site. Jan said that was irrelevant; that the meeting was about me, not the other staff member.

The meeting ended shortly after they asked me to sign an acknowledgment of the meeting. I told them I wanted to review it first and brought it home with me. My BF is furious and, at the same time, keeps apologizing, saying that it's his fault, but it's not.

The standards for teachers are crazy. We're going to have a little Indeed SL LinkedIn date, so hopefully, I can get out of there ASAP. Lesson learned though: never take a job at a religious school.