What Betrayal Trauma Does to the Brain | The Impacts of Partner Betrayal Trauma

what betrayal trauma does to your brain when someone has been betrayed and let's talk about what betrayal is betrayal we think of of course someone cheating on you seeing prostitutes having an affair with your best friend someone at work or you're a husband and your wife is cheating on you with your best friend or neighbor or someone like that that's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of betrayal trauma we call it partner betrayal trauma if you want to Google that part of betrayal trauma you'll find we've done a lot of

research on that and an infidelity is part of that that's one part of betrayal trauma another part of partner betrayal trauma is pornography you you think you're living in this great life and you find that your spouse is using pornography and that you're not enough and that you're what you believed about them isn't true and then you find out the stuff they're into and it makes it worse and your whole life goes upside down but then there's also a third part of betrayal trauma the next partner betrayal trauma is intimacy anorexia you're married to someone

who doesn't give you their heart they're too busy for you they blame you they withhold love they withhold praise um they use anger and silence if they have sex they're not connected or they're not having sex with you they can't share their feelings with you and you feel neglected alone and unwanted in your own marriage or your relationship that's another form of trauma and that part of betrayal trauma is interesting because all three of these traumas have the same statistical impact on the person now I'm going to get to the brain in just a few

minutes but what this does is cause it can cause depression waking or weight loss it can cause a shutdown of them spiritually and emotionally it can cause PTSD symptoms I mean to the 80 or 90 percentile on those symptoms intrusive thoughts dreams um not wanting to go out and connect with other people shutting down the amount of impact that partner betrayal trauma has on the human Spirit soul and body is massive when someone's been betrayed it's like they've been hit by a truck but there's no blood anywhere they're crushed inside their Spirits crushed their their

past is crushed who they thought they were to this person who they thought that person was the the holidays the vacations the birthdays all tainted by now a new narrative a new story their present is destroyed because they don't know what they're going to do who is this person who am I do I have the courage to go forward with them do I have the courage to leave them these are all questions that now existentially they have to ask that they never thought of before the whole the whole rug has been taken out from under

them and they've planted their face on the floor and they're they're out they don't know what's real anymore and if that's not bad enough their future is destroyed financially they could be totally in different place if they leave if they stay do they put up with it is a person going to get help are my kids kids gonna know are they going to not know are they gonna turn out the same way all of these fears about the future now run on them all the time so betrayal trauma partner betrayal trauma is huge and it

affects all of you Spirit soul and body okay and if that's not enough when betrayal occurs your brain I'm talking about the gray matter between your ears your brain begins to operate in different ways the fear Center fires up and it can stay stuck fired up creating a man or woman to be hyper Vigilant trying to check everything out making sure everything's safe make sure that they monitor their phone and their computers and where they go and their cars that's a result of your brain being traumatized restlessness anxiety and a sense of perpetually being in

a protect mode or a guard mode this Alters your ability to regulate your emotions and your mood to be able to calm yourself down it's like this app is running in your brain all the time 24 7. it affects the way you think it affects the way you actually can reason through problems and and even affects the way you can make decisions and whether they're intelligent or not your fear Center hijacks your normal functioning and you find yourself in a world where every task feels challenging your mind will not stop it races constantly you know

you go to pick up the kids you're waiting for five minutes and all of a sudden downloads of all the feelings and thoughts about what you now know as your life your emotions can feel out of control you've never cursed you never yelled you've never been violent and you find yourself doing all of the above your brain has been impacted and your scoping skills are stretched to the very limit because this is a whole another way of having to live it can also go into that um fight mode okay where you're just gonna all your

resources gonna be solving the problem how do we get them help how do we get our help what do we need to do what's the next thing how do we make sure this never happens again and you're moving into that fight gear we're going to fight for this and it's all about that and other parts of your life get smaller you can also freeze and I'm telling you this stuff because in our office and I've been doing intenses for partner betrayal trauma for for over 20 years I'm the father of the part of betrayal trauma

movement I've done a more for women and men in this movement than any single person on the planet and I have great compassion for the trauma that you have experienced it's massive it's multi-dimensional and it actually does affect your brain and I have clients they fly in they do intensives here at heart Counseling Center but we also in the building have a neuromodulation and where they go for five days and their brain gets assessed and it's amazing how it'll be either all the way to the left or all the way to the right and if

you're a woman you you are affected by a trauma 2.6 times greater than men because the way your brain is made when it gets fried it gets fried worse than men and so it can really you can feel like you're not yourself you can feel like you're not functioning at like even 70 percent and if that's you that neuromodulation treatment might be really helpful call our office but what happens is your brain can go this way or this way but it's not balanced and I've seen a lot of ladies who are very stuck stuck stuck

stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck and they can't get out of that gear about the trauma and over the few days they become more neuroplastic the brain begins to be able to solve problems instead of staying stuck in one and I can literally see in their eyes the difference in the way their brain is functioning and what's really neat is at the end of the week they get this report and it says here's here was your brain on Monday and here was your brain on Friday now let me give you an example for my own

life that has nothing to do with someone else hurting me I was in a very severe car accident just a little while back I have a great Jeep fortunately the whole thing's metal in the front and it was one of these snowy white out days in Colorado and I was coming around a corner that kind of goes down and around and as it went down and around it didn't go my Jeep didn't go around it went straight and the tires just slid right into a Dodge Ram truck now fortunately hit me on my passenger side

and fortunately there's a lot of Steel in that jeep and fortunately I wasn't hurt but the airbag deployed and boom and man I I could have died that day and I knew it I knew I could have died that day that's trauma for me and I could tell when I when I got out of the Jeep I just wasn't myself and I felt that way for about a week and I'm like you know what I'm gonna this I'm not shaking this this is this is not me I feel shut down I feel off and sure

enough I went into the neuromodulation office and I said you know I need to I probably need to do a few sessions just to me up and and the technician said you know you've been doing this for a while your brain has never been this bad it has never been all the way to one side see trauma affected my brain now after four sessions my brain was back to better than it's ever been everything was centered everything was functioning in just four sessions okay so I understand personally trauma affects you physically this isn't you know

what you look like if you were hit by a truck everyone would have empathy for you'd have a broken bone you'd be bruised you have a black eye you know you would look distraught you'd be limping that's what you should look like if someone could see what you look like emotionally and physiologically your systems were overwhelmed they were blown out and they had very few options when you found out that your whole life is not what you thought it was now sadly the other person can't fix this this is something only you can fix and

I would definitely recommend you know coming to office and do both do the Intensive for the part of betrayal trauma if you're working on your marriage you can come together and and do the neuromodulation treatment for yourself and allow your brain to start to heal because it won't necessarily heal your brain will stay stuck in that one that one orientation until something readjusted okay and there's nothing in the natural order that's going to do that for you so this could help make that happen for you so you get a more balanced brain again now you

can't change the fact that you were betrayed you can't change the fact that you were all in in your marriage or your relationship a spirit soul body all your heart was in and all of you got smashed when the Betrayal trauma hits your heart but as someone who's suffering from partner Patrol trauma you're the only one who can help you now I would definitely call the number on your screen call our office talk to someone who can really help you anyone that we would share with you to talk to has been through over 120 hours

of training and so you can get help today you can start today don't wait to decide what your partner is going to do about their problems how they got there if they're a sex addict intimacy anorexic you can begin your path of Journey and healing right now I've seen thousands of women get better I've seen a lot of men get better from part of betrayal trauma it affects both genders it affects them differently but it affects you both so please do yourself a favor take care of your brain as well as the rest of the

impact the trauma has had on your life now if you haven't subscribed you need to because there's so many we have hundreds of DVDs on YouTube that can help you and also there's a comment box in which you can put a question we'd love to hear your question and we get back to you as soon as we possibly can and until you hear from us again in another video I really want you to take your next step thank you [Music]