The Frame Technique Meditation for Setting Boundaries and Letting Go of People Pleasing

- Over the last six months, my whole entire energy has changed in a very positive and powerful way from the way that it used to be and I believe it has to do with this technique that I'm about to share with you that I believe will profoundly change your life if you do this little meditation exercise for the next 21 days. And 21 days is just a way of wiring it in. But let me share with you a little bit about who I was before I learned this technique and a little bit about who I am now that I've been applying this technique for over the last six months now, four to six months.

And it is something that is very simple, but when you begin to do it, you begin to feel completely different. People begin noticing the energetic change in yourself. You'll begin carrying yourself in a different way, setting boundaries will be very easy where you used to feel pulled in and feel the guilt if you didn't do something someone else wanted you to do.

And it changes absolutely everything. I learned it from my shadow integration coach. That's what I call him, shadow integration coach.

He taught me that it's a Zazen technique is the name of it. It's like a mindfulness typa body awareness technique. And it makes all the difference.

So, where I was before I learned this technique, I call it the frame technique. That's just what I'm gonna call it. And that's what you're gonna learn.

And we're gonna actually do this together in this video, we're gonna do this little activation exercise that you can come back to for the next 21 days, and see how different your energy is. Now, before the way that I was and the way I showed up in the world is that I was hyper, like I was hyper attached to what people thought of me. I was very sensitive to other people's energy.

I could pick up and know what other people were feeling and there was this desire that I had to please other people, some people call this a people pleaser. And while there were certain contexts is like, I have my business, I make YouTube videos, I'm very focused. There were certain contexts as to where I'd fall into other people's frame.

That means what they would want me to do. And I would find that this sounds kind of weird, but I would attract people into my life, that was a reflection of my old childhood wound of the whole ex stepmom situation. If you don't know my story, I had an abusive ex step-mom in my life, from seven to 16 years old, who was mentally, physically, emotionally controlling.

So I always had someone in my life that had a very strong frame and I felt safe in that. So I would attract people into my life that would in a way, take advantage of me, or establish their frame, and I would stick around even though it wasn't beneficial for my energy or I'd feel drained because I was getting that sense of safety out of it. I was getting a sense of connection and validation out of it because I didn't deep down validate myself, and I didn't know where my boundaries were.

So if somebody reached out to me and said, "Hey, come, let's go do this. " And I was like, "No, I don't really wanna do that. " They'd say "No, come on and do it.

" I would then go do it, and that would like show my weak frame in a way. Whereas when you have a strong frame of reality, people pick up on this, you have a more magnetic quality, it's in a way like whoever has the stronger frame, is the person that's leading. If you have a weak frame, you are going to be a leaf in the wind around everybody else.

Now what happens a lot of times too, when we talk about this, just to give you the awareness of this is what happens is people that are highly sensitive or empathic, what happens is when they were kids, when they were younger, they went through some type of trauma, where they had to tune themselves to their outer environment. Maybe they had to tune themselves to their mom or their dad, and what happens is if they weren't getting their need met, needs met, they would then tune to the other people to try to make them happy and to help them. So it's almost instead of the mother and nurturing the son or daughter, it's like the daughter or son tries nurturing the mom in some way, and being there emotionally for them.

And what happens is that's when the people pleaser mentality starts. But also what happens is there's a feeling of not feeling safe in the bottom three chakras, and what happens is then sensitive people or empathic people move up to the third eye chakra, where they can very easily tune to everybody else. So then what happens, is it's hard to set boundaries because you feel what everybody else feels.

You literally think that what other people are feeling about you, is about you. Versus knowing this new mantra that I've been talking a lot about in my podcast channel and even on YouTube, it's oh, that's your not mine. That's what I've been saying a lot.

Because a lot of people, now, of course, you're not doing that for every little thing. Maybe some stuff you do take responsibility for, but more often than not, if you're an empathic person, you're taking on other people's stuff, you're finding it your responsibility. And you're so tuned into your third eye that you're connecting to everybody else, but you've lost yourself in the process.

So, the key and the difference for me is understanding this one concept. The body is this subconscious mind. Now what happens is being in your own frame of reality, which means you're leading in your life, which means that you're focused on yourself as well as other, but you're filling up your own cup, being in your own frame and in your own body, are the same thing, they're the same thing.

So the more you bring your energy into your body, the more you're going to be in your natural frame. And when you've went through trauma growing up, maybe you went through abuse or some type of trauma, you escaped your lower chakras and went into the upper ones, and now you're super sensitive, but the key is getting more into your body so that you feel more safe. Now, now that I've done all this, and I've done this meditation technique I'm about to share with you, I have no problem setting boundaries with people.

Now here's the thing. I don't even need to set as many outer boundaries because I have a level of inner boundaries. Outer boundaries is where I have to say, "Hey, this isn't okay I do not accept this.

" That's an outer boundary that you have to lay. An inner boundary is where you feel that energy within yourself and you have enough self-love and self-worth that people don't even think of crossing that line. So you don't even have to say anything.

So the difference is when I used to walk, I tell this story a lot. When I used to go to the down the street from my house, I would go to a walking trail and I'd be walking around, I'd see people. If I was in a mood where I didn't necessarily wanna say hi to people or something, I would still be out of like this kindness mentality to be like, "Oh, hey, how are you?

" And it was this kind of desperate energy that you could feel after I started doing this, and after I did this for a couple months, I was so, and really, it was only a couple of weeks. I was so in my body, and I didn't feel a need to like, say whatever wasn't authentic. Now I value authenticity versus before I was valuing validation.

And trying to please, thinking that that's where I got my value. Now I get my value from being me. And I've noticed that I've become more polarizing since I've gone through this because I don't care what people think.

I also noticed that it's just natural for me to lead in my life. My whole business transformed to where I started leading. It was almost like I was waiting for somebody to do like I was waiting for some type of guidance or something.

All of a sudden snapped into place, started taking action. I have an app coming out, I have all this cool stuff happening. And it became once I started leading, once I started getting inside of my own body, the boundaries were easy to set.

I became more polarized and I stopped caring what people thought it was just completely different. I saw friends that I used to hang out with and they're like, "Wow, your energy is very different. " And the reason it's different is because I'm actually being me and I'm in my own body.

And there's a level of gravity to that. That becomes very powerful. So, that's the difference between the two.

Now the bridge to that is this exercise that I wanna share with you right now. And what we're gonna do is we're going to tune a little bit of music in the background, and what I'm asking you to do, is to just know, let me explain the technique first, and then we'll do it together. So basically what you do, is you stare at a candle flame that is a couple of feet in front of you.

I have been staring at a candle flame since 2012, just in general and observing my thoughts, I find fire to be a very powerful way of centering the mind. I noticed that when the mind wanders or the eyes wander, the mind wanders. So when you keep your eyes on one point, you become very focused, when I'm making videos and I'm staring into the lens it's very easy for me to focus because my eyes are going like this all the time.

If I go like this all the time and try to do the video it's very hard, do you ever see that meme where it's like the person, what is it a video, what it's called? But it's like, firstly, going back and forth, it was like a Snapchat filter or something like that. But it'd be hard to think you're doing that.

Now, what you do is what my shadow work integration coach told me to do. And it's so simple that you almost don't wanna do it 'cause it seems too simple, but this is what you do, and this is what we'll walk through right now. What you do is for five minutes or 10 minutes a day, you stare at a candle flame.

You observe your thoughts, but what you do is on the in breath, you bring the awareness into your body. You could do this sitting down, you could do this cross-legged, but you're staring at the candle flame, and what you do is, as you are staring at the candle flame, you are observing your thoughts, but you're also bringing the awareness inside of your body. So let's do this real quick let me go grab a candle flame I'll be right back.

I'm back I found the candle. Now what we're gonna do, is with this a couple of feet in front of you, you're gonna stare at the candle flame. Now, what you want to do, is as you are staring at the candle flame, you are bringing the awareness, and the awareness into your body.

And this is gonna sound kind of counterintuitive to many people. But what you do is you actually feel on the in breath, the separation between you and the candle flame. Normally what happens is you feel the connection with everybody else we do these meditations that's powerful, but this is powerful for a different reason.

You see what happened when you become empathic or highly sensitive, is you've lost your sense of self, you felt more safe into other people's frame. So what you're doing now is you're bringing the awareness into the body and you're bringing to the awareness into self. And you are feeling the separation between you and the flame.

Now you and the flame are both connected and separate at the same time. When you were a baby what happened or a kid, you felt the separation, but then at a certain point you felt connected and then you didn't feel safe for you to feel that separation, or you felt isolated and you didn't like that feeling so you kept recreating it. Or what you would do is try to attach yourself to other people and that's when attachment starts.

So the key to this is knowing that on the in breath, what you're going to do, and we're gonna walk through this right now, you're gonna feel the awareness inside of your body, and what you're gonna do is you're gonna put that awareness in your left leg, your right leg, your torso, your heart. And then what you're gonna focus on is feeling the space in between you and the flame. You're gonna feel this space in between you and the walls around you.

You could even feel the space between you and some other people in your life that you wanna establish boundaries with. But basically as you get more into your body, and as you feel the separation, you are taking the energy back inside. So what I would do on that walk that I told you about where I would then go and instead of being the people pleaser, I would go and just be in my own energy from doing this exercise and feeling the separation when I pass people, they would be magnetized to wanting to say hi to me, not that I was trying to do it for that reason, but I was just grounded there's an attractiveness, a magnetism to be in grounded to be in your own energy.

When you're tuning yourself outside of you, people feel that. And it's like you're projecting energy at them. When you put the energy inside people feel that gravity, and it's a very attractive and it's very centered, and you feel better while you do it.

So the key to this is on the in breath, you feel the separation, and on the out breath you relax and you feel the environment, you feel the connection. This is a shadow integration technique as well. But basically what you're doing, is on the in breath you're also very clearly staring at the flame.

On the out-breath you're still staring at the flame, but you relaxed your gaze and you put it on the peripheral. You put it on the peripheral. I can't say peas because this thing will shut off.

So, on the out-breath, you're going to focus on the peripheral, but you still stay focused here just so you kind of relax your gaze, and on the in breath, you focus very intently on the flame itself. So, this is the exercise that we're gonna do. I'm gonna guide you through it right now.

So right now let's take a deep breath in and relax, take a deep breath in. breathe it out. Feel your body begin to relax more and more.

Let's set the intention right now that every one of us feels more centered in our body by the end of this exercise than ever before. Knowing that the more we do this exercise, the more centered we feel, and the more authentic we feel, the easier it is for us to set boundaries, to feel self-worth, and the easier it's gonna be for us to be in our own frame. So let's set that intention right now.

And now, let's take another deep breath in and then stare at the flame, breathe it out, as you breathe out, feel the energy begin to move now into your hands, into your feet, into your legs. With every breath you take, feeling your body relax more and more, put the awareness now in your left arm, your left hand, feel it loosen up, and relax. Put the awareness in your right arm, your right hand, feel it loosen up and relax.

Put the awareness now in your head, feel your mind beginning to melt and relax, and feel the muscles behind your eyelids begin to loosen up and relax. If there's any tension in your jaw feel it loosen up and relax. Now put the awareness in your heart.

I'm gonna count down from three to one, with every number I count down, feel an increase of vibration inside of your heart, it may be subtle at first, but feel it begin to grow more and more as you do this exercise three, imagine a ball of energy in your heart is spinning faster and faster any color that you like. And imagine that the faster it spins, the more you feel this energy, the more you feel this buzz inside of your body, inside of your heart, two, doubling that sensation inside of your heart now feeling it increase more and more, knowing that you're sinking more into your body right now than ever before. And one, feel that energy increase more and more doubling that sensation of love, feeling more present than ever.

And now, as you stare at this candle flame, on the in breath, what you're going to do is focus very intently on the flame itself, and then feel inside of your body and feel the separation between you and the flame. If you're staring at a flame right now, a live flame, then feel the separation between you and that, if you're watching this video, then feel the separation between you and the flame and the screen. So let's take a deep breath in, with every breath you take in, you're feeling that separation, you're feeling safe inside of your own body.

And then as you breathe it out, you can relax your gaze and focus on the peripheral, focus on around the flame, and feel connected to your environment. So with every breath in, you are feeling the separation, and you're feeling the safety inside of your own body, and on the breath out, you are feeling the connection between you and the environment. So you're constantly bringing the awareness back inside, and outside, inside and outside, inside and safe, and then feeling the outside and connected.

And as you do this exercise, you are beginning to feel the energy go more and more into your bottom three chakras set the intention right now, that you bring the energy down into your root chakra, at the base of your spine. Imagine that there is a red ball of energy there. Now put the awareness there, and on the in breath, let's take a deep breath in, and let's feel the separation between you and your root chakra, you feeling the energy there and the flames.

So let's take in a deep breath, and then on the out-breath relax and look at the peripheral and feel the connection to the environment. Now let's move up to the sacral chakra, an orange ball of energy above and close to your belly button. This chakra represents your connection to family members, friends, this is your relationships, and what you can do is begin to feel the beauty and the safety of you feeling in your own body.

Let's take a deep breath in through our nose now, and feel inside of this location in our body, breathe it out and feel that connection. Maybe bring someone in your mind that you wanna create boundaries with. You can still have a love for them, but maybe you need to create a little bit of separation, energetic separation, non the in breath, imagine this person and feel the separation between you and them, on the out breath let it relax and feel connected to your environment.

With every breath you take, you're feeling more centered in your body now, take another deep breath in and do it again. And now let's move the energy up to our solar plexus, a yellow ball of energy that represents our purpose, our willingness to go out into the world, and live who we really are, our willpower center. Let's take in a deep breath now and feel that separation between the flame and our solar plexus, between our heart and our belly button, and on the out breath feel the connection to your environment.

One more breath in to feel the separation between you and the flame. Connection, and now, let's set the intention that with every breath we take, we're more inside of our body, we're feeling the separation. And what we do is with the next breath, I'm gonna remain silent, but on the in breath, you're gonna feel in your body, and you're going to feel this separation between you and me, the separation between you and the flame, the separation between you and everyone else doing this exercise.

And then on the out-breath, you're gonna feel the connection to everything else. So in breath separation, and in your body out breath, peripheral and connection to your environment, and you could even feel the separation between you and your walls in your room, you and your desk, you and your wherever you are right now. So, let's now I'm gonna remain silent and we'll just focus on this energy, (gentle music) you may be doing this and you may also feel different emotions come up in your body.

As you bring the awareness more in your body, and whatever comes up, it's perfect. You're integrating and you're allowing emotions to surface and clear allow whatever comes up to come up. (gentle music) (breathing heavily) With every in breath you take, you're bringing the awareness more into your body, and you're establishing a strong frame within yourself.

A feeling of safety, take another deep breath in, you are safe, you are strong. It's an amazing feeling to be in your body. It's an amazing feeling to be in your own frame.

From this point going forward, you will feel more confident than ever. You may have some emotions that come up to be clear, just witness them, observed them, and feel them, allow them to come up. You are integrating back into your body, and as you feel more safe in your body, you're gonna feel more safe in your reality, you'll develop more of a gravity, more of a magnetism than you've ever had before.

You'll notice that you care less about what people think, that you fill up your own cup. You are still mindful of other people, but you do it from a place of empowerment, not a place of transactional energy, where you wanna get something from it like validation or support, or love, you are worthy for just being you. Separation is a beautiful thing.

And as you start feeling in this, you're gonna be more empowered than ever before. Set the intention right now that from doing this meditation for the next 21 days, your life is forever changed. And you were more in your frame and in your body than ever before.

Let's take another deep breath in right now to wire it in, and then let's do an Om, the Om frequency is a high vibrational energy that we can use to wire in this version of us. So first let's take a deep breath in and out, (breathing heavily) and with one more breath, what we're gonna do is we're going to Om and wire in this higher vibration, let's feel the separation between you and me, but also feel the connection as you're doing the Om between you and everybody else doing this, knowing that you are now establishing a strong frame. And from this point going forward, you will be forever changed.

So, take a deep breath in, (humming) listen to this meditation for 21 days, and watch how your life begins to change. This is what I did four to six months ago and my whole entire life has changed now and all I did was what you just did. Consistency is where the results come.

You'll notice people treat you different, because you treat you different. And that's the key to this frame technique. So with that, go throughout your day knowing you're gonna have an amazing day today, you are empowered, and you were unique person that can feel safe in your own body, have a great day.