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my girlfriend asked for an open poly relationship I said no and now she's acting strange what should I do my girlfriend 28 and I 26 have been in a relationship for 3 years and a few months now but not long ago she started sliding in hints before telling me that she wants to try an open or poly relationship she asked about this before at the start of our relationship and I thought that I made it clear that I was a monogamous and not interested in that now she's asking again and saying how we could both

even share a girlfriend or we could be open and hookup with whomever I told her no and asked her why she was pushing this again she said that it could be a way to spice up our sex life and I said something like okay well I'm not into that you know that so no go she got agitated and said to just try it which pissed me off and again said no this conversation happened a Le over two weeks ago and she still seems to be pissed off about it not really talking to me and sleeping

in the guest room I've tried to get her to talk to me about it but she just brushes me off and says that it's not important anymore I've been venting to friends about it and a few of my friends brought up that maybe she's already cheated or is cheating and is trying to cover it up or maybe she has someone in mind that she wants to bang I doubted it at first but now I wonder because she has been a Le more distant and just overall off even before the whole open relationship talk we haven't

been having sex as often as we used to but I chock that up to it being because of my hectic work schedule I'm not sure what to do I'm afraid that if I start digging that I won't like what I find edit I'm going to either Snoop on her phone or confront her about it I love her but I also don't want to be played with if she's hiding something I will find out from the comments comment one if you're afraid to dig because you don't like what you'll find well that's understandable I would be

too but it's no good way to live op replies true I've been debating if I could sneak her phone really quick comment too she's either already having sex with someone else or has someone she wants to did you know she was by before you started dating op replies I'm be and she's lesbian or as much as I know she said that she dated a boy in middle in high school but started dating girls in late high school if my memory serves me right update it's super late but I'm numb sobering up and just can't [

__ ] sleep this [ __ ] sucks but I need to get this off my chest and out my head so a few days ago I posted about how my GF of 3 years asked me for an open relationship or to try a poly relationship I actually got to sit her down to talk the next day after posting about it and asked her why she brought it up again she asked in the past in the beginning of our relationship after dating for so long she repeated that she just wanted to spice up our love life

and I asked her how would that spice things up though the only one who's going to find it sexy is you because you know that I'm not into that she said something about how I should be open-minded about it because so many people wish they had a partner like her that would be okay with them screwing other people I said yeah if they were into that then I'd get that after a Le more back and forth and talking in circles I just said listen if you want to screw someone else then just say that however

we'll be over I love you but if you want this then you should go be with someone that would give you what you want cuz I can't I thought that she'd be a Le remorseful or apologize or anything but what she told me I assumed she thought that I just broke up with her because she just got pissed and screamed out oh so we're over fine I've been screwing her guy friend anyways and I'm pregnant yeah my lesbian GF is [ __ ] pregnant by a [ __ ] friend of ours my hands are shaking

just thinking about this again I tried to hold it together but I just couldn't and I tried to kick her out but she wouldn't leave so I left for a friend's place and have been here over the weekend my now ex kept calling me but I only answered and told her to get her [ __ ] together and move out and go live with the douchebag who I deleted and blocked because I would lose my [ __ ] on him at that time then turned off my phone I turned my phone back on this morning

and my ex left messages I called her to get closure if anything and asked her how long she said since December when I went out of town I asked if they [ __ ] in my bed and she said yes I asked if this was the reason for the open relationship BS and she again said yes lastly I asked if she was planning to keep the baby and still stay with me and she said yes I just hung up I've deleted and blocked her on everything for now because I just need to distance myself right

now I'm going to see if I can break my lease on the AP we shared because now that I know that they've been fooling around in there I don't want it anymore for now though I'm just chilling at my friends and we probably be here here until I can get out of my lease I have no more tears left I can't tell if I'm in shock or emotionally broken I took some time off work but I don't know how I'll ever get back to normal after this thanks for the advice from my previous post I'mma

try to get some sleep now from the comments oop is advised to get tested and change her passwords Etc in addition the question of how the baby was supposed to fit into a lesbian relationship is brought up several times comment one gez she's a terrible person and you did the right thing pushing the issue and I'm amazed and shocked that she thought you were going to be okay raising someone's baby I'm so sorry you're going through this oop replies thing is that I love kids and she knows that if and a huge if this was

an accidental pregnancy due to us being open I probably would have stayed it's definitely different in this case obviously I still can't get over how freaking ridiculous this is I honestly wish it was a joke comment 2 a I mean what was the plan here surprise I'm pregnant like how did she think she was going to explain that one without outing herself as a cheater comment 2 B I guess the plan was let's be Polly whoops got pregnant but you agreed to being poly so you cannot be mad at me oop replies honestly that's the

only thing that makes sense to me it was a dumb idea but I guess it would have worked in her head comment three you might want to get a lawyer and research how child support works in your Circumstance the last thing you want to do is pay for this child oop replies yeah I'm safe unless I magically started making sperm and grew a member this actually made me laugh a Le because she kind of tried to make me a baby daddy Laugh to Keep from Crying as they say new update op updates on her profile

the 16th of August 2022 one month later so first things first thank you all for your support and advice I really appreciate it the good news that night I posted my last update I definitely wasn't in a good head space but I allowed myself to grieve for a few days then got right to work I went and got tested and I'm clean no HIV or STDs thank God I went to my landlord and I told her the situation as well as had a formal letter typed up just in case she's always been a nice lady

and was kind enough to offer me a cheaper apartment that I could move into easily if I wanted to but I decided to just move out of this complex so I'll need to pay this month's rent my ex won't pay her half so then my part of the lease will be officially broken I don't know or care to know if my ex will break or take over the lease but that's on her I've already got a place lined up and we'll be rooming with another close friend of mine bad news it was about a day

after I posted my last update that my ex just showed up to the friend's house that I was staying at I don't know how she found out but we do have a pocket full of friends so it's not that hard I was under the influence and numb and didn't want to see her but she kept pushing it and refused to leave at first I came out and told her that we should talk outside then I closed the door behind her she still refused to leave so I stepped outside to talk to her or she talked

and I just stared at her she started with apologizing and trying to put the blame on me being busy all the time which yeah I was working a lot but every free time I had was spent with her then she said we weren't having enough sex then saying that the sex meant nothing with the guy and then somehow it took a turn to her saying that now we could start a family without a paid donor I just remember going off on her and calling her out for screwing the guy repeatedly and then trying to cover

it up with some [ __ ] she started crying and yelling back but I told her to just go back to a baby daddy and tried to go back inside but she pulled on my shirt trying to stop me and I sort of pulled away hard to get away about a day after that my friend told me that she posted about how she left me for being abusive and that it drove her into the arms of the father of her baby along with pics of them together apparently the douchebag even tried to back her up

on that [ __ ] but almost every mutual friend of ours knew what really happened by then and they absolutely blasted her until she took the post down goodbye and good [ __ ] riddens to both of them I only feel bad that the baby will have such immature parents other than that I'll probably take some time to get away after settling down in my new place I'm not going to hold on to that pain anymore I did love her with all my heart and thought she was my forever but she betrayed me in a

way that I could never imagine she knew about my past relationship and promised to never hurt me the way my ex did I guess she didn't lie about that since that ex never cheated on me lied and manipulated sure I'm taking a break from love right now maybe I'll get a pet to start my healing Journey from here I left because my husband almost killed our newborn son by not paying attention my my young daughter tried to save her brother and got hurt I'm 25 and have been with my husband 30 since 2018 we have

a three-year-old girl and a newborn boy but tonight things almost took a turn for the worse my husband has always had trouble paying attention but I never thought it would come to this our neighborhood is weirdly laid out with cars zooming by at crazy speeds at all hours of the day I was folding clothes when I heard our toddler screaming dad help that tone made me drop everything and Sprint outside what I saw made my blood run cold our newborn in his stroller kening towards the busy street I screamed and ran to him barely stopping

the stroller in time my baby girl's hands and knees were scratched up because she tripped trying to run after the stroller I snatched up my baby heart pounding and scanned for my husband he wasn't watching he was chatting with neighbors completely oblivious the anger I felt was unlike anything I've ever experienced I stormed up to him shouting in disbelief he looked shocked at first first then realized what almost happened the apologies and tears came pouring out but it was too late I couldn't wrap my head around how he could be so careless so blind to

our toddler screams and the stroller rolling away I packed up the kids and left staying with my parents they're on my side but my husband keeps texting begging forgiveness calling it an honest mistake but I can't shake the terror of almost losing my baby because he couldn't focus for a single second my baby girl got hurt in the process because he couldn't pay attention I almost lost my son because he couldn't pay attention I can't stop crying I feel so guilty I wish this all never happened sorry it's short I just want to hold my

babies and I can't stop shaking every time I think about it what if I was just one second late would I have been planning a funeral and the reason I left the house instead of him was because I hate that house I don't feel like it is safe for the kids with all the traffic and I was right it's my husband's workhouse I can't be running either I had a C-section less 6 weeks ago a lot of people are saying why wasn't I watching the kids I was doing their laundry like a parent does he

takes them for walks to have bonding time with them he literally created this by himself this has never happened before how was I supposed to know in people saying why didn't I get him checked out I'm not his mother he is 30 years old I'm sick of people acting like I have to parent my own husband while I literally have a newborn a toddler and I'm still healing from a C-section that I teared my stitches from when I ran to get my baby I don't care if it was his ADHD the court wouldn't care either

if he killed my child he would have gone to prison either way relevant comments comment one okay he was 100% wrong and I'd be livid just like you however I'm a little confused about the situation like why was your baby just in a stroller unattended why did the stroller randomly go into the road since it sounds like you were at home is this maybe something y'all normally do just to have a place for a baby to sit out front of your house when your toddler is playing outside and maybe it was a freak accident I'm

going to be honest as a mom most of us have stories of near-death experiences with our kids we can be naive and stupid and expect a little child to have more awareness survival skills than they do when my son was two we had a horrible experience with an escalator and I still have times where I can't sleep because of it we are all idiots when it comes to Parenting because how can you know until you live it and seriously like every parent has one of these moments unless you're one of those insanely lucky ones I

still really don't understand the whole scenario of what happened happen but to me it seems he really has remorse and feels terrible and once you go through something like that you never forget it so if he cares and loves your kids he's devastated and has learned a hard lesson I don't know that your response was the best but get why you did it in the moment but I think you guys have a serious talk and maybe look into moving if possible I wouldn't go straight to divorce like Reddit loves to preach I think there is

a solution here and so sorry you're dealing with this it's literally the worst feeling in the world op hi love let me just clear it up for you so I was sitting inside in the lounge room and there's a huge window behind the TV that was a little open so I could hear outside that's when I heard my toddler scream for her dad to help when I was outside he was standing on the neighbor's driveway I assumed that he must have had left the baby literally on the road because there was no possible way that

it would have rolled off like that and my toddler was playing with the neighbor's cat before she noticed her brother was rolling away when I confronted him about it he tried to explain but he just kept stuttering I still don't know what exactly happened I don't know if he didn't put the brakes on the stroller if the wind blew him away I just don't know my neighbor contacted me and asked if I wanted the security footage because his wife is 100% on my side so I'll probably find out once it gets sent to me comment

to I want to acknowledge that this is a horrific situation but saying I don't care if it was his ADHD isn't going to fix anything and will probably only make things worse talking and thinking about it like he intentionally tried to kill your child isn't either with ADHD you actually do not register things like this at all sometimes life expectancy for those of us with ADHD is actually significantly lower because many of us end up often accidentally killing ourselves it is not the same thing as carelessness but learning about ADHD a little deeper can help

you guys be safer understanding how my ADHD works and using different than standard precautions like my brain needs has actually most likely saved my life lie out what you want from him that's probably because he gets his ADHD better under control whether that be through prescription medication or more homeopathic method that you get a different place if possible that he does not take your kids out in your front yard without you Etc also neither he or the neighbor noticed but you heard your kid from inside something seems off here were your neighbors just watching the

stroller roll towards the street was your husband on the other side of your house where he couldn't see the stroller were you already walking outside as this unfolded I'm trying to understand better what was going on here and why your husband or the neighbor did not notice but you did from inside people with ADHD tend to be incredibly good and quick to act in emergency situations so this is especially weird I'm absolutely not accusing you of leaving anything out or anything but asking you to think about what your husband and the neighbor were doing that

neither noticed that smells fishy this is a horrible situation I lost a pet due to the inattentiveness of ADHD but I can't imagine losing or even nearly losing a child op that's why I'm waiting for the footage it doesn't make sense how this all happened I don't know how to explain my house there's a huge window in the lounge room it was open a little too I can listen out the neighbor house is two houses away we are at the End of the Street near the main road that when you first walk into my house

on your left there is the lounge on the right the kitchen when I got up I couldn't run that fast because I'm still healing sorry if this doesn't make sense when I ran outside the neighbor's wife was running for the stroller but was still far away and the neighbor was helping my little girl off the road that's all I seen I'm just waiting for a response from them my husband was just standing there hands on his head doing nothing comment three I [ __ ] screamed when I read what happened are you okay like did

you get any more damage to yourself you literally just had a baby what the [ __ ] was your husband doing like being outside with small children especially on a busy street should be treated like watching babies swim because anything can happen in an instant I hope you're okay and also DK but do you all have cameras in your house I wonder how long your husband was talking to the neighbor op I tore my stitches from the C-section and had to go to the ER while I was there I made sure my baby girl got

her knees and hands bandaged up the crazy thing is I didn't even realize I was bleeding until I was in my parents car my mom pointed it out she panicked and took the baby boy back to their house and my dad took me and my daughter to the hospital update one the neighbor's wife sent me the footage and I really can't just wrap my head around it so my husband was walking with the stroller and my toddler was in front of them when they passed the neighbor's house my neighbor was outside washing his car and

my toddler saw his pet cat and stopped to head it so my husband stopped left my baby on the road he didn't even bother locking the wheels and walked all the way up the driveway not even bothering looking back at the baby he had his back face to him for about 5 minutes before the stroller just suddenly started moving I think it's because the road is on a hill kind of or it could have been the wind my toddler never went near the stroller it couldn't be her the stroller went down the road in my

toddler that's when she started screaming and running for it when she saw if the neighbor started running after my daughter when she tripped he tried to pick her up that's when the neighbor's wife's car comes into frame and she stops and starts running back to the way the stroller is coming after that you can't really see anything because it's all out of frame but you can hear all the commotion my husband just stood there the whole time hand on his head with a Blank Stare on his face he didn't even do anything when our toddler

was crying from hurting herself he only started crying when I confronted him what should I do I genuinely do not know what to do I'm panicking this was never the life I wanted for my kids I don't understand why he was standing there I have not even gotten a text or a call from him since I got sent the video it's just been silent I just can't get the sound of my daughter's screams that's the sound that no mother wants to hear I can't explain at the moment but it felt like my blood went cold

and I just felt pure fear I never want to watch the footage again update 2 hey everyone I posted here a while back about my husband nearly killing our newborn son I wanted to give a quick update on the situation after reading through the comments I decided to go back to my husband many of you pointed out that if I left him we'd end up with 50- 50ths custody of our kids which I couldn't bear so I made the difficult choice to stay even though my love for him has faded my plan now is to

tough it out until our kids turn 18 and then leave I'm terrified of getting pregnant again especially since I'm not allowed to use birth control or get my tubes tied my parents who could offer support are moving away leaving me feeling trapped despite everything my husband tries hard to make things right he still treats me with affection and goes out of his way to create special moments for our family seeing him bond with our newborn and our daughter fills me with conflicting emotions I know I can't stand being with him but I can't bear to

separate him from our kids either he was so happy when we came back home but I can't stand even looking at him I feel some quilt because he still calls me by my nickname looks at me like I'm the only girl in the world besides our daughter and he still continues our Traditions like when the kids are sleeping he he will go get ice cream and our favorite snacks and sets up a fort on our bed to watch movies on our laptop even though I'm sacrificing my happiness my priority is ensuring my children's safety and

well-being it's a tough situation but I'm doing my best to navigate it for the sake of my family this is a throwaway so I'm going to log out by update 3 as you can see from my previous post I did go back to him and it was quite literally the biggest mistake I've ever made but I felt like I really had no choice no money family moved out of state A lot has happened the past couple of months so it turns out my husband started taking meds for his ADHD a couple of weeks before I

was due to give birth to our son he took my kids on a walk to cover up the fact that he was also on meth he took my kids to meet his dealer apparently every time they went for a walk looking back at the footage now it makes so much sense because of the way he was talking to the neighbor before everything happened he was kind of leaning to the side I talked to my neighbor and I asked him if he knew that my husband was on drugs he said he didn't but he noticed that

my husband looked a bit off recently his wife works at a AB Clinic after a fight where I had to flee with the kids to the neighbor's house she pointed out that the way he was acting was the way that people acted with drug withdrawal my neighbor and his wife ended up helping me book a flight to my parents I'm currently with them right now and I have spoken to a lawyer that my parents are going to help me pay for I think all the people from my original post that told me to keep the

footage because it is going to come in handy my husband keeps sending me videos of him shooting up and doing other substances he keeps saying that they are going to fix him he sent me a video of him standing in our kids room room and he was just screaming at me saying that it helped him cope with his addiction he took a knife and stabbed both of our kids mattresses I am not going back he even cut up the side of my bed there's a comment from my previous post that has been sitting in the

back of my mind and has been bugging me I think you know which one it was it was by relevant comment saying I don't care if it was his ADHD isn't going to fix anything and will probably only make things worse talking and thinking about it like he intentionally tried to kill your child isn't either with ADHD you actually do not register things like this at all sometimes life expectancy for those of us with ADHD is actually significantly lower because many of us end up often accidentally killing ourselves it is not the same thing as

carelessness but learning about ADHD a little deeper can help you guys be safer understanding how my ADHD works and using different than standard precautions like my brain needs has actually most likely saved my life lie out what you want from him that's probably because he gets his ADHD better under control whether that be through prescription medication or more homeopathic methods that you get a different place if possible that he does not take your kids out in your front yard without you Etc also neither he or the neighbor noticed but you heard your kid from inside

something seems off here were your neighbors just watching the stroller roll towards the street was your husband on the other side of your house where he couldn't see the stroller were you already walking outside as this unfolded I'm trying to understand better what was going on here and why your husband or the neighbor did not notice but you did from inside people with ADHD tend to be incredibly good and quick to act in emergency situations so this is especially weird I'm absolutely not accusing you of leaving anything out or anything but asking you to think

about what your husband and the neighbor were doing that neither noticed that smells fishy this is a horrible situation I lost a pet due to the inattentiveness of ADHD but I can't imagine losing even nearly losing a child WTF it baffles me that you can even compare losing an animal to losing a child you made people with ADHD sound completely unreliable for themselves and that they can't do anything you made them sound very helpless in saying that the life expectancy thing was completely uncalled for as well I bet many people with ADHD reading that completely

disagreed with you judging from all the comments and YouTube videos I've seen on my post I don't know if you're projecting that you lost a pet from your inattentiveness of ADHD if you were letting things die in your care you need to get stronger help and know I was not going to lay out what I want from him he's the one that started mixing his meds and was high off his mind every time went out for a walk and no I'm not ableist I was in a very vulnerable state when I first posted my original

post all I was doing was looking for help and advice but all I got was where was you what were you doing why weren't you with the kids why didn't you get your husband checked out I was healing from a [ __ ] C-section get that through your heads I genuinely hope that everybody that said something horrible about me and my original post has to get cut open and then 4 days later is forced to run down the street I gave him another chance like you all said in my original post you saw what happened

stop using ADHD as the excuse I genuinely believe that if he had killed my child you would have have defended him and no I did not know he was on drugs and all the people that reached out to me I'm going to be forever grateful for all of the parents with ADHD that didn't make me feel like it was all my fault and all the stories that you guys have shared with me made me feel so seen because I know exactly how it feels I hope everybody is doing well everybody that was defending me I

wish I could give you a big hug I genuinely wish I could send gift baskets I would thank you from the bottom of my heart and I am so sorry about that comment that that person made I know you guys are all not like that you guys are genuinely intelligent from all the comments that I've read I could not thank you guys enough and one person that sent me that horrible message I genuinely hope I run into you one day so I can beat your ass until you see stars and say anything about my daughter

or my son one more time and I will literally track you down I fell in love with a married man while engaged to my fiance of 6 years now I regret it and am trying to reconnect with my fiance say we have been together 6 years now and during the third year of our relationship I cheated on him with a close family friend I had started taking him for granted and it became easy to cheat because I didn't value the relationship he broke up with me and we were split for months and the times I

was single I realized he is a great BF I begged for him back and he took me back but I had to promise to never speak to the guy again I'm happy to say I never cheated since then and haven't been tempted at all I understand how great of a partner I have that being said the guy I cheated on was a close family friend and recently I rekindled our friendship behind his back nothing romantic have you ever met someone who is a terrible partner but a great friend that's him I hated the fact that

I let a stupid mishap ruin our friendship my fiance found out and was angry I apologized and we talked and he needed space he sent me a text of his demands to continue the relationship and I copied and pasted it his text after doing some thinking I can't trust you whether it was platonic or not this is the second time that I know of where I have violated my trust the hardest part isn't this but now I have to wonder how many times have you violated my trust or done something behind my back that I

just don't know about you claim this is it but how can I believe you I love you and want to work on this relationship but it's going to require a lot from you we are postponing our wedding indefinitely when we first got back together it took 10 months before I felt secure in the relationship again I have no idea how long it will take to feel secure again Eli I Chang the name we'll be blocked on everything and you're to never speak to him again this now includes family events if you know he will be

there do not attend if you didn't know and he attends you are to ignore him I have unrestricted access to phones social media emails Etc every password I want to know for any device you have no hanging out with male friends alone you are to be home by one if you do go out with your home girls there will be more but these are my demands and they aren't up for discussion if you aren't willing to do it then then the relationship is over take your time to think about it end of text I called

him but he said he's not arguing with me about it and won't call him back until I decide what I want to do I feel that this is extremely harsh considering the fact I didn't cheat this time ever since we got back together I never cheated on him op believes that the punishment is too far I think I was wrong but I feel that the punishment doesn't fit the crime I made a horrible mistake years ago being friends with someone doesn't equal sign cheating even though I was wrong for going behind his back op is

convinced to follow her bf's rules okay I'll do it I just needed to make sure he wasn't going too far but if this is what it takes to rebuild his trust when commenters say that op is on her way to cheat on her BF again she claims you don't think I'll follow his rules good thing I don't let people tell me what I can't do I'm going to be laughing when we work through this get married and have kids update one we had a really great conversation and he was vulnerable and said it made him

feel like I didn't value him he was crying and it really hurt me to see the pain I caused him he told me that please let's not go forward with this unless I can promise that I won't go behind his back again because he can't go through this pain again I told him that I promise I will never hurt him again and will always be honest and upfront with him now we talked about the rules and he said they will be temporary and will be adjusted when we go to coup's therapy now it's time to

put in the work to repair the relationship I know it will be a lot of work but I'm prepared update two so next next month I'll get married this fall I was with an amazing guy and we worked through a lot of issues together I thought I loved him and I think I still do but not in love with him about 3 months ago at my job we got a new co-worker who is very handsome and extremely attractive I mean I have never been so physically attracted to someone in my life we started to deepen

our friendship but romantic feelings came I repressed mine but to my surprise he confessed his feelings to me as well I told him we got to think about our spouses but our feelings continue to grow he told me he stopped being affectionate with his wife because he feels like he is cheating on me when he does that he only wants to be affectionate with me I've started doing the same thing and haven't been intimate with my partner the big thing is a lot of people will be hurt when this comes out he can't divorce his

wife right away because of finances but he will as soon as possible I have to call off the wedding but I really don't want to hurt my current fiance when asked about her previous infidelity op says I have cheated before and I'm starting to realize it's because I didn't understand being in love with the guy I'm seeing we both aren't romantic with our current Partners I don't want to be with anyone but him also he's going to divorce his wife we have a plan for when his finances get straight how is she justifying this affair

this is completely different the first time I cheated was because I was selfish this time it was because I fell in love with someone else I didn't choose this no one picks who they love this whole experience has taught me how complex love is and that I've never been in love before this is so hard on op that's not fair I didn't want any of this to happen it breaks my heart that I'm going to have to call off the wedding but he's a great guy and I'm certain he will find someone else I wish

I loved him or didn't fall in love with someone else because life is more complicated than that I don't want to hurt him and have been thinking oh the best way to tell him you guys act like this doesn't hurt for me too you guys are not being understanding or empathetic when commenters tell op she's gullible about the married guy she keeps emphasizing I'm going to tell my fiance but we can't tell the other guy's wife yet he's trying to get his finances in order first update three I took everyone's advice and decided to end

things with my fiance this was the hardest thing I had to do in my life I know you guys think I'm a terrible person but this is an unimaginable situation to find yourself in I want everyone to know how much this hurts I really wish I didn't fall in love with someone else I wish I could make myself fall in love with my fiance but I can't it took me so long to accept this I hope you guys can understand that I can't convey this enough that I care about my ex fiance I know this

will be best for both of us even though it's hard right now when asked if oop told her ex- fiance the truth she says I didn't lie I told him the truth that I fell in love with someone else I told him I still care about him I keep telling you all that I care about him and would never use him as backup he's a great guy and there's a woman out there who will love him and be lucky to have him there's no reason we both can't be happy when commenters tell oop that there

is no way the married man is going to leave his wife for her she says he is going to divorce his wife unfortunately divorce is extremely complicated but he said he will keep me updated it's not just finances but a lot of other legal stuff since I wasn't married yet it was easy to end things for him it's a lot more complicated than that when commenters continue to call oop gullible she says no I was very clear in our conversation today that I want this figured out by the end of the year that's plenty of

time for him to figure out finances and legal stuff that way by 2025 we can just focus on each other update four I realize I treated my fiance horrible and received my karma my co-worker and his wife are getting a divorce because she found out he was cheating with multiple women plural he's a disgusting animal he lied to me and others pretending that we were the only ones I ended things with him I'm glad he's been exposed now regarding my ex fiance I've taken the time to reflect realize he's actually my true love I hate

that I heard him I reached out again to him but he said he will always love me but he's done with me that was painful to hear I just can't get over what my coworker did in destroying multiple relationships including mine it's painful to see an experience edit I wasn't clear but I take responsibility for my actions just because I'm condemning his disgusting and manipulative Behavior doesn't mean I'm justifying my actions my actions were horrible but I've learned from them my wife's gym addiction is ruining our marriage she's having an affair with a gym friend

leaving me with our unborn child op's wife 30f has always been fit but has been increasingly passionate about working out over the last 1.5 years returning to a gym she had previously left due to her busy schedule the gym slowly started taking over her schedule both weekend days and every weekday pre and post-work going to the gym becomes the solution for any stress fights crisis everything is gim to the point where if the wife misses a session it affects her mood negatively as op says like a junkie not getting her fix as wife is now

foro pregnant op expresses concern over the intensity of her workouts and also that he simply misses her given all her time is now taken up by Jim they can't work out together because Jim is her time she won't work out at his gym either Jim becomes a form of escapism from real life a compulsion essentially and no problems wife is running away from ever really get solved because Jim is simply not the solution wife seems to think it is Jim has become so prevalent that family members Friends start making comments on how much time wife

and Jim spend together update One op shares that he had originally laughed over comments on his post that speculated about infidelity but quickly came to discover they were correct wife has been sleeping with guy from gym who she had mentioned to op countless times as a gym friend there is confrontation op breaks wife's phone wife hits op op leaves for a short period of time and returns to wife who though remorseful will not admit to exactly what infidelities she's committed update one ends with OP feeling guilt for his rage left with zero answers as to

exactly what's going on with wife update two my wife admitted to an affair February 12th 2024 wife admits to an affair she felt bad about it but not bad enough to not sleep with guy from gym pretty quickly she might even be in love with him she doesn't know or won't say and oh there's a chance the child she's currently pregnant with might not be Ops she'll get a paternity test though Stellar work wife my wife is moving in with her AP they're in love February 22nd 2024 guy from Jim and wife who will still

be referred to his wife for now are moving in together she's not getting the paternity test op expresses sadness for her that she just can't be alone or seem to work through her mess on her own wife had been with OP since she was 20 and op theorizes she is codependent guy from gym allegedly doesn't care if the baby isn't his he's happy to play house with op's wife my wife has agreed to a paternity test February 29th 2024 shocker guy from jym wants a paternity test so a paternity test they will get in follow-up

comments op reveals the results say he is in fact the father an update on my wife's Affair in pregnancy March 15th 2024 op is now conflicted he has gone from excited to be a father to not being sure he's going to be a father at all to now knowing he will will be the father of a child born into the disaster that wife has created there is a small but non-physical confrontation between op and guy from jym when wife brings him to op's house to gather things she needs and op tells guy from gym to

leave or he's going to punch him op and wife have private words upstairs wife is just so in love with guy from gym she can't help it predictably confrontation becomes physical when op returns to his living room to see guy from gym still standing there despite the warning and so op follows through and coldly clocks him update five closes with op and wife still legally married but wife dedicated to living with and loving guy from JY another installment of the implosion which is my marriage April 10th 2024 op's wife is still perante 26 weeks op

and wife have agreed that he will be the one in the delivery room when the baby is born and guy from Jim will not be present guy from Jim has a big problem with this of course because having an affair with and housing another man's pregnant wife simply would not be enough op prepares to sell the marital house and split the profit he gets to keep their dog thank God wife's sister shares with OP that wife is already complaining about guy from gym that he's selfish hangs out away from home too much Etc birds of

a feather and whatnot op ends the update expressing that he is at least happy his soon to be ex-wife is miserable I'm still alive May 19th 2024 I'm still alive I'm mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I'd taken my own life no I'm not on the brink of ending my life I think I'm doing better than I have since all of this started around the time of my last post my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on Tik Tok and

YouTube I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming I have over 100 unread messages here I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time and I got to the point where I didn't really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore so as of today our baby is doing less than 10 weeks we're in the home stretch now I don't feel prepared at all all of this other stuff has just been so distracting I started working in a nursery it's not done yet

but I have the floor finished and the walls painted my ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and Furniture I chose she's not legally my ex-wife yet but I've started calling her that it sort of makes it easier I also packed up a bunch of her stuff originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things but eventually just said screw it and started packing it I'm at the point where it'll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here why did I leave it for so long she came over to

get some of the boxes I packed up she came alone things were fine between us I loaded the stuff into her car we didn't argue at one point she started to tear up and said she [ __ ] up I said yeah she did but there's no point talking about it now she [ __ ] all over our marriage she has her musclebound [ __ ] to go home to now anyway so who cares she said I know but it's not the same I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to [

__ ] him the first time supposedly he's going to let me be in the delivery room when my baby is born I didn't even argue it when she said it like that but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child she says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn't really be right to not allow me to be there I'm going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child I'm going to try to just ignore

him for the time being she was acting all sweet and laying on all of the I really want you there I really need you there stuff and I know mentally I'm not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way I'm trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it's so hard when she's actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad she invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house I'm not sure I can bring myself

to go into another man's house and look at the nursery set up for my kid I did ask her if she was truly safe there though I don't know why it's just been bothering me as pissed as I still I don't want to find out he's mistreating her and I definitely don't want my kid to be going into an unsafe household I haven't told her about anything her sister has told me they probably won't last but as of right now there's a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house it

kills me to think about it's almost Soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long she says she's fine he genuinely loves her he's great with kids he accepts that she's having a baby and that this is part of the package she insists it's not weird because she wasn't pregnant when anything started between them I asked her why she did it why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place she said I don't know then went into I don't want to talk about this mode and left pretty soon

after typical behavior from her just run away overall I'm doing okay I'm not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of Scotch every night anymore I mean on occasion but for the most part no I feel more used to my new normal now and that'll all change yet again pretty soon additional info there is a draft of a custody plan now but the court won't approve anything until after the baby is born right now she's in agreement but there's plenty of time for her to change her mind or for him to convince her to change

her mind she plans to breastfeed but with agreement that she'll pump and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with Mom everything I've read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently without gaps that are too long in between and it's best if each parent is feeding changing bathing Etc during their time time at this time she's in agreement with all of this I can say that she's not said or done anything to indicate she wants to restrict my time with the baby other than the whole delivery room thing

she seems to want me to be involved in that respect I hope she sticks to her word if not I will be fighting it through legal means I'm a dad July 2nd 2024 I have a baby a little girl I'm a dad she was born yesterday at 11:57 p.m. 2 weeks early as he's done before she was having some pains off and on and he left for work yesterday morning she works from home on Mondays she told me around 8:30 a.m. she was having contraction 17 minutes apart the same thing happened not long ago but

then by evening all the pain stopped I was at work so I told her to keep me posted a little later she said they were 15 minutes apart and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting I asked her if she needed somebody there with her she said wanted me to come be with her I didn't even mean to volunteer myself she was scared I didn't even ask why she didn't call him I left work and went over to his house uncomfortable doesn't begin to describe it but there were obviously more important

things going on he wasn't there she didn't even contact him she said she just wanted it to be me and her there in her words he hadn't seen her pee or [ __ ] herself yet but I've witnessed all of that stuff already so she was more comfortable with me there I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible set the whole thing about her Affair our marriage everything to the side for a brief time time I don't really know what my purpose was being there but I think she just needed somebody there

so she didn't feel alone she spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings I was timing the contractions and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together so I thought it was probably actually going to happen it wasn't nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet and it was getting close to when he'd get home I was planning how I'd handle that when she called

me me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke it wasn't like in the movies with this huge gush of water so he got home and I was there he came into the house and the first thing he asked is what are you doing here I think he thought something else was going on no you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared he said he was home and he'd be with her until it was time to go to the hospital he put his hand on

my shoulder and said something like thanks bud I got it from here and we'll call you when we're on the way to the hospital he called me bud I told him I wasn't his [ __ ] buddy and to [ __ ] off I could tell she wanted me to leave I'm not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn't what she needed and I knew that it was his house so what was I supposed to do I left and prayed

they'd actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born she texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital at that point I still didn't know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he'd decide was best for his apparent wife and child I was allowed to be in the room I didn't force my way in there she said she wanted me to be there he was there too by far the single most awkward experience of my life

and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there and I didn't want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did I can't imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking [ __ ] humiliating then the guy tried to police what I could see I put the baby in there he's [ __ ] watching and it's like this is still my wife and and that's my baby I chose to stay dignified and I ignored him

the entire time I was there to do whatever she told me to do and my focus wasn't on him but in any other setting I don't think I would have been able to hold back the baby came flying out I mean as far as labor goes these are the nur's words and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they're talking about she tore very bad because the baby came out so fast the baby is so tiny barely 6 lb and only 18 in but perfectly healthy I went home for a short rest although

I really couldn't rest at all I went back today and of course he was there surprisingly he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not didn't ask he even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later I wondered if mine might be poisoned but I tried to be nice he's still not gone so I'm wondering how long he'll be around I just can't let myself do anything that will make her

try to keep me away from my daughter now I don't want them making it difficult for me I'd prefer not to share her name publicly but I can confirm it's the name we chose for a daughter years ago he had no say and he hasn't said anything about the name at all it kills me to see him holding her though I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre company I'll know I will get my time with her when he's not around he's already posting them on his

social media I don't know how I'm going to do this but I'm going to figure it out I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won't let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter's dad I totally get doing anything for your kids now and if it means having to pretend to get along with him I will additional comments from oop it's not about picking me I just have a hard time not caring about her anymore the fact that she was carrying my child made it a lot

more difficult otherwise I could have and would have cut all ties with her I don't know I still feel the need to protect her or help her hopefully it'll get easier now that she and the baby are two separate people honestly I'm considering doing something pretty stupid she's getting discharged from the hospital early tomorrow morning I don't want them to go home with him so I'm thinking about asking her to come home to our house instead it's ridiculous and sets us up for disaster it wouldn't be to be with her I don't want my newborn

baby going home to another man's house I don't think it's for the baby's sake that I want to stop it it's for my sake but it's not like we'd be divorced and living together forever so we'd live together for some period of time but eventually we'd go our sep SE ways date other people and so on I can't trust her again that would probably be worse for our kid in the long run at least by being in two separate homes in the first place this will just be the norm for her and she won't have

to go through that heartache of being one family splitting into two I just don't know how I'm going to be able to handle seeing my child going home from the hospital to his house I'm honestly scared to be present when they're discharged because I'm not sure I can control myself I caved and I asked her to come home with me when they was discharged from the hospital I framed it more like if you don't want to go home with him you don't have to I let her know she could come home to our house if

she wanted to she said she can't why because he's done so much for her he moved her into his house they have a whole nursery set up he loves her I don't love her anymore after what she did her words but he loves her and accepts her even with the baby she thinks she'll never find anyone who will love her and love our baby too so she can't risk losing him I tried to tell her she doesn't owe him anything just because he let her move in and there's a nursery there doesn't mean she's indebted

to him especially not when it comes to something this big she said I want to but I just can't I'm sorry I left I told her I couldn't sit there and watch the get into his car and go to his house as a consolation I gotta you can come over and see her tomorrow great I know she did this this is all her doing but why am I the one feeling like I failed this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't immediately shut her out I basically just pushed her to him o o on the AP

posting pictures of the baby online today I told him he can't post pictures of her online he said he was just posting a few pictures to say how proud and happy he was of my wife it wasn't weird I said he can post her all he wants but he can't post the baby he didn't seem to be taking it seriously so I told him I know he wishes he'd won this one but he didn't she's my kid not his if he's genuine about being all buddy buddy and respecting me as the actual father he'll respect

my requ Quest he said okay he understood we'll see new updates Life Update July 24th 20124 many people have asked for an update on my situation but I've been pretty busy there's the baby plus a week of completely unrelated but NeverEnding annoying problems remember that book Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day that's the week I've been having but I'm not even going to get into it Beyond saying I can't even stay at my own house right now due to a giant hole in the wall I've been dealing with insurance and contractors

all day and they hit a water pipe I'm still on paternity leave and continue to regularly spend time with my daughter we have a set schedule for when my daughter comes to stay with me so I've been spending less time over at his house sometimes my wife needs help during the day though or just to be able to take a shower or a nap so I will stop over to help her really I just want to take advantage of any opportunity I can to spend time with her and bond with her plus breastfeeding isn't working

out very well she's still not producing enough milk and I know she's upset about it but it sort of makes things easier for me at least she has help when the baby is with her supposedly he helps gets up at night Etc I'm on my own and I won't lie and say it's a walk in the park but I think I'm getting the hang of it the other day she called me and asked me to come over she said she was on the verge of a mental breakdown I've heard that line from her many times

when she cheated on me without my knowledge and it was usually mostly related to her job I got over the there and she was saying she can't handle being a mom she can't handle life she can't function she was crying this time she couldn't run off the gym she would if she could but she's not really allowed to exercise yet she won't talk to anyone won't seek professional help some days she seems much better than others she's just an easily overwhelmed person everything overwhelms her sometimes we have dare I say a good time together the

most she can really go as far as physical activity right now is walk we took the baby in her longest walk yet and walked from his house to my house everything was fine in the walk she was in a good mood we were joking around then she turned really sad after being at my house our former shared house after a little while she finally admitted that this isn't how it's supposed to be raising our daughter between two homes she said my home is our daughter's real home and she's only supposed to have one home then

she started sobbing about not having a home anymore my house isn't her home and her boyfriend gura's house isn't her home and she's essentially homeless and doesn't belong anywhere she admitted she [ __ ] up really badly and she doesn't want to share custody or to only see her daughter half the time she just wants to come home but she loves him and she thinks he loves her and our daughter and she doesn't want to hurt him after he's done all this for her I said so what what she wants for her kid should be

more important than his feelings if he can't get over the fact that the married pregnant woman who he was sleeping with wants her kid to grow up in a single home with her actual father he can [ __ ] off he can [ __ ] off anyway if she can't tell him and wants me to tell him I will she doesn't think she can tell him I told her this is her biggest issue communication and honesty just tell people the truth and stop being a [ __ ] about ever telling anyone the truth about how

you really feel thing is I've been tolerating him lately don't like him but tolerate him I'm not hanging out with him ever I know it sounds crazy coming from me but I think he's genuinely in this still shouldn't have been [ __ ] my wife doesn't absolve him of any of his involvement he's back to being cloying nice to me suggesting we hang out try to be friends he's so [ __ ] happy all the time it's a little unsettling but I think he's just one of those people and maybe that's what she likes about

him I'm not one of those people never will be so anyway she and I sort of got into an argument started as a discussion turned into an argument then morphed back to a discussion all about everything we don't like about each other in our relationship in the end we were both both able to say what we need from the other person she's just too overwhelmed right now and can't make any changes she can't handle trying to change right now it gives her too much anxiety so I don't know we're sort of at an impass right

now then this stuff with the house I've just been extra stressed and not really all that Pleasant to deal with my wife has moved home for now July 28th 2024 this month continues to be the strangest I've ever experienced the repairs to my house were made and I'm back home thankfully I can can only take a few nights under my parents roof I slept with somebody else we went out on a date I think we both just wanted to have sex to say we'd finally gotten over our former spouses she's the ex-wife of a friend

of mine she and I are actually closer SL better friends now than her ex-husband and I several people have suggested that we start dating each other we get along great and we are on the surface a really good match but it was too [ __ ] weird for both of us she's very attractive very social and fun to be around and has been incredibly kind to me during this whole ordeal but I can't see her as more than a friend I had been intentionally avoiding sleeping with anyone else I hadn't been with anyone since the

last time I slept with my wife that feels like an eternity ago for the longest time I wasn't interested in being with other women then it sort of morphed into my way of feeling morally Superior to her I was going to hold out and not pursue anything until after we were divorced it's pretty pointless and childish just a dumb way to make myself feel better and to be able to say I never cheated I still don't feel like I cheated there is no marriage anymore within hours of this happening I started getting texts from my

wife saying she decided she wants to come home it's like she had some sort of sense she was saying she was ready would I come help her I called her and told her I don't want her to come home and to be in a relationship again she doesn't get to just decide that's what's going to happen she then started to say oh I know I just meant move back in I told her I didn't really believe her and felt like she was just jerking working me around again she said she thought our conversation the other

day had gone so well and that she thought we seemed to be at a place where we could really work on fixing everything but until then she could live in another room she said she was completely serious about it and she wants our daughter to be in one home I feel so mixed about everything but ultimately I want my daughter living in my house 24/7 and I don't want another man helping to raise her so I took the bait today I showed up at his house to help her move some things but I anticipated I'd

get there and she'd either have changed her mind or she wouldn't have been planning to leave at all and was only waiting to see me do some more tricks for her they were arguing when I got there the baby was crying she was crying and running around packing things in bags and he was following behind her begging her to stay offering to do anything to make her stay he accused me of this being my idea maybe it was IDK I don't really care what he thinks it was obvious she had just sprung this news on

him shortly before I got there she was telling her over and over that she just wants her child raised in one home and that his home home wasn't really their home and she was sorry she was doing this to him after everything he'd done but she just has to give our daughter one home with her real father we got back over to my house and she's obviously an emotional mess I have no room prepared for her not 15 minutes later he shows up at the front door she didn't want to talk to him he wouldn't

give up and eventually he was there on the front porch loudly saying things like that's not what you were saying when you were blowing me last night so at that point after I'm sure our neighbors had been enjoying this embarrassing scene long enough I told him him if he didn't leave I'd call the cops I went out there and tried to calm him down I mean I had to sympathize with him she runs away that's what she does I may have said a few other things in my own favor and to make him realize he

doesn't want to be involved in this mess that is my wife I don't think he'll give up so easily it sounds terrible but once she was at my house I sort of found myself wishing she'd leave with him I know I'd wanted her to come home and I tell myself it was mostly due to the baby but now I'm wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into she said I didn't really blow him last night I haven't done anything with him since she was born I've only been thinking about you I told her yeah right

you expect me to believe it even if it's true what on Earth makes you think I'd ever believe anything that you say then out of spite I told her I slept with somebody else I know I only told her to hurt her and I feel bad about it now she immediately demanded to know who I told her it wasn't her business she claims it is her business because we're still married nope I'm not sharing so now we're awkwardly existing I don't have much faith that she's going to stay here I think she'll be back at

his place within the week I've told her that he's not allowed over here he has no business being here and if we're raising our daughter in the same house together then she can't just run off to his house to be with him whenever she feels like it it won't work that way she says she knows and she wants me to want to be with her again and she'll prove to me she can be a good partner she tried to kiss me and I rejected her she's upset she's taking a nap now I feel like I've

dug myself into a very deep hole now relevant comments smoke thin mitts brother you better get her out of that house and fast ell loop I was really doing a good job of tolerating the guy since they came home from the hospital I don't like him and never will like him but I don't believe he had any nefarious intentions with my daughter however my heart broke every time I had to leave my little girl over there at another man's house or when I'd go over there to pick her up and he would greet me at

the door holding my baby talking to her like he was her dad no that's one of the lowest feelings in the world so for these Reasons I'm happy to have them here I just don't know how this can or will work with her mother living here DC photo 78 is this really the environment you want your child to grow up in oop no not at all but I also don't want her growing up in another man's home what I'm worried about is my wife dragging her back and forth I've told her she can't do that

it's not fair to me or our child purple uncore Bishop 2 if you really don't want your daughter being raised Halftime by AP your only real option is to truly attempt to reconcile but it's pretty clear neither of you really want to reconcile with each other it's just that neither of you want to be apart from your daughter if she is going to live with you for even a couple of days you need to have some tenderness in your heart for her and be willing to lovingly interact with her and your daughter your ww is

postpartum and an emotional wreck so if you gray rock or get angry [ __ ] will go south fast in a way that won't be good for your daughter all other paths lead to 50/50 its custody and acceptance of AP having a role in your daughter's life be civil not friendly civil to AP as you say your W loves him and will likely go back to him soon if you and AP are at War it will be terrible for your daughter o I'm going to be nice we sat on the porch while it was storming

outside tonight and she was talking to the baby and said this is how it should be daughter's name mommy and daddy several rude comments immediately popped into my brain but I kept them to myself I figured I might as well enjoy it while I can well enjoy having my daughter here and maybe pretending we're a normal family for an hour I'm not actually enjoying having my wife here right now it's not making me feel good I didn't mind when she was here the other day when we took a walk and came over here but today

I'm really not enjoying her being here I'm going to keep that to myself wife accused me of cheating whenever I talked to a woman we tried therapy but it didn't work then she slept with a guy to make me understand wife accused me of cheating every time I talk to a woman so we tried therapy but it didn't help then she slept with a guy to let me know how it feels my name is John and I am 30 years old I met my wife Claudia who was 28 years old when I was in college

at that time I was majoring in business economics while Claudia was studying English we first crossed paths at the house of a mutual friend we hit it off pretty well and dated for a couple of years sometime after we both graduated I decided to propose to her and she said yes right away that's the summarized version of our courtship since I don't think there's anything really noteworthy in there we've been married for 4 years now I think I started to notice some changes in my wife by the way let me just say that her name

is Claudia as a pseudonym after we got married I think about a year after it started after she walked in on me and a female colleague together at a bar I know it sounds bad but it was an entirely innocuous situation a bunch of us co-workers went out after work for some drinks which isn't an unusual occurrence and as people started to leave one by one it was eventually only me and this colleague left at the bar Claudia walked in with her friends and they came to say hi to us I returned the greeting normally

because it's not like I felt like I was doing something wrong but it was when Claudia got back home after me that everything hit the fan when she walked in she threw her purse down and came stomping towards me she pointed a finger in my face and started screaming about how she caught me in the ACT cheating on her I tried my best to tell her that wasn't the situation but she honestly didn't let me get a word out when she finally calmed down only after calling me every terrible thing a person can call a

cheater I explained the situation to her even showing her photos that the group of us had taken earlier that night I also pointed out to her that I didn't react strangely when she came with her friends because I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong and I had hoped it would be evident after my explan explation she said okay seeming to have finally understood she stood there for a few seconds like she wanted to say something and then she went into the room this was quite some time ago but it still irks me to this day

that she never apologized after all of that however the reason why I'm retelling this whole episode is because that was the point where she seemed to become clingy and overly jealous I would sense mood shifts if I looked in the direction of a woman or simply answered a few questions for a woman even if she was just asking for dire c s I also noticed that these rules didn't seem to apply to women who were very obviously not a threat I think a sensible amount of jealousy is healthy because it allows for the enforcement of

boundaries but it's very easy to tell when it's excessive in her case it just seemed to become excessive after that episode which didn't make sense to me because she had no reason to be so wary of me in the presence of other women most of the time I'll know that an interaction with a woman has soured her because I'll notice a shift in her emotions but it is only some of the time that she actually starts something it's never a civil discussion as she always gets emotional around the topic and to say it drives me

crazy as an understatement because she'll always cite the smallest thing as the reason she suspects me for instance there was a time when she caught me in one of the female neighbors in our apartment building talking in the hallway we were literally just talking about some basic politics and Claudia walked out of our apartment saw us in the hallway and walked back in as soon as I saw that that happen I knew I'd be in for it at that very moment I'll admit that I thought of divorce because honestly I knew that I couldn't keep

living that way it was highly draining the only thing was I felt like it' be better for us to approach Coupes therapy first at least before I ended things with her after all I love her so we tried that and truth be told it helped at least in the immediate period but things took a comedic turn when she felt the therapist was taking my side too often and then the therapist was the next person who Claudia assumed was trying to sleep with me I remember laughing out loud the day she expressed that thought it didn't

make the situation better but I couldn't help it we eventually switched to a male therapist and with that the sessions were at least able to go on much longer at least until the point where it seemed like the changes were actually sticking in her head we went several months without an incident so it finally seemed like there was progress well at least until the point that I'm writing this post about the last several months have been normal like how things were between us before the hyper jealousy even became a thing however I think things blew

up when Rebecca the same colleague who was in the bar with me years back came to the house to hand over some documents when I wasn't there since I was meant to be working from home the next week I think my wife recognized her from the first time around and I don't know whether she had a winter soldier moment or whether it was simply because a woman came directly to the house looking for me but all hell broke loose when I got back home she started howling at me the moment that I walked through the

door and I was greeted with the documents being thrown in my face she asked me why Rebecca knew where I lived according to her before I could even answer it was because I must have brought her there before to sleep with her the real answer was simply that I had told her where I lived when she said she wanted to drop the documents off it didn't help that Rebecca is quite a curvy woman so it then moved into a rant about how I must like women who are more endowed than she is and I must

have been sleeping with them all over town she even said she was going to get herself tested for STDs because she was entirely convinced that I had cheated on her numerous times once she was done raving I walked into the house took a few basic things that I would need and I walked out I honestly had nothing to say to her especially not in that state I also knew that no matter what I had to say it probably wouldn't enter her head because when she's in that emotional state the voice of reason doesn't get to

her I knew it' be better for me to leave the house entirely so I did that I heard her shouting behind me enjoy Rebecca's bed now this happened very recently and I've been sleeping in a hotel since then the thing is I am set on divorcing her because I really can't live several more Decades of my life best case scenario dealing with a woman who thinks that I'm cheating with every other woman in existence the problem is I know that the therapy sessions help to some degree and I'm fighting Within Myself trying to figure out

whether I should try and attend sessions with her again or whether I should just give up I think this is the decision I need help with so I'd love it if you could all give me your opinions and thoughts on the situation edit I've noticed several comments suggesting that I've already done enough and that it's time to let go of our relationship in many ways I agree with this sentiment I worry that regardless of how many therapy sessions we go through it might only take one small incident for her to revert to her extreme jealousy

this constant fear of triggering her insecurities is draining and it's not fair to either of us living under such tight control is not sustainable and I'm exhausted from constantly having to prove my fidelity while I may not proceed with a divorce immediately I am now more open to the idea than ever before the thought of ending our marriage is heartbreaking but it may be the only way for both of us to find peace if this issue arises again I think I'll be ready to end it for good to be completely honest living under such tight

control is not sustainable and I'm exhausted however I also don't want to live with any regrets therefore I plan to give her one last chance but if it happens again that will be the end for me this last chance is not just for her but also for me to be sure that I did everything I could to save our marriage I'm not very hopeful though so I'm slowly preparing myself for the possibility of being single again the thought of starting over is daunting but it's better than enduring a life filled with mistrust and in constant

accusations I've reached a point where my mental health and well-being are more important than holding on to a relationship that causes me so much stress it is what it is and sometimes letting go is the best thing we can do for ourselves update one well here's an update that I wasn't expecting at all and I don't even know how to express how freaking pissed off I am with this new development as I mentioned in my last post I was starting to get more comfortable with the idea of divorce but I wanted to give her one

more chance to improve the good thing is that it didn't take long for it to become clear that she's never going to get better and she showed me in the most obvious way possible I realized there was a problem when we attended a friend's barbecue Claudia was being unusually touchy with someone there we didn't know the person but I asked the host who was my good friend and he told me that the guy was recently divorced and worked in the construction industry I was concerned because my wife had never been so touchy with anyone but

me so was obviously strange Behavior this was about 2 weeks after the last episode I described in my previous post anyway I tried my best to keep an eye on her during the barbecue and avoided making a scene when we got home I spoke to her about it she didn't seem apologetic and said well now you know how it feels then that left me speechless because it was basically her admitting that she was rubbing up on that guy intentionally to make me jealous it was so stupid to me since it wasn't even a sensible comparison

she gets jealous when other women speak to me I've never thrown myself at them or gotten touchy it was far from the same thing she even added are you just jealous because he's a handsome guy because he's more fit than you at that point I walked out because I was starting to get to the point of anger where I wanted to hit something she said nothing as I turned and left and honestly I knew for a fact that I was going to get in contact with a divorce lawyer I didn't return to the house for

3 days the funny thing is even if I hadn't been sure enough she solidified my decision the very next day I got a call from my friend who hosted the barbecue his name is Bill and he seemed pretty serious he said we should meet so I agreed when I met him he told me that his friend the one Claudia was talking to called him according to him the guy said that he had hooked up with Claudia the day before which was the day after I left the house and he wanted to know what Bill thought

about her since she said she was single I must have zoned out at that point because I honestly can't remember what was said after that by hooked up it seemed clear they had sex and Claudia presented herself as single the worst part is I might not have found out if the other guy hadn't talked to Bill about it my head was spinning and I didn't know what to think or how to proceed at that moment Bill saw I wasn't paying attention so he waited for me to come back he said he told the guy that

Claudia was married and the guy seemed genuinely shocked apparently she gave no indication that she was married and he told Bill forget I asked and I'll forget about her immediately Bill finished telling me all of this and I went home right away to confront her I didn't rehearse anything and was ready to let my pure anger guide me because honestly was there anything to rehearse that would best Express how to handle someone who is cheating on you when I walked back into the house I wouldn't say she was in a good mood but she was

more chatty than usual after something like that she still had an obvious at itude because the first thing she said was didn't expect to see you back already with a stupid grin on her face she was clearly trying to rile me up and it worked because the first thing I said was shut up I've never been so Curt and she seemed taken AB back I then said you slept with a guy from the barbecue don't even think of denying it you cheated on me Claudia she stood there for a few seconds before sheepishly saying now

you know how it feels it came out almost in a whisper so I know she must have realized how stupid it sounded I'm not proud of it but I threw one of our ceramic kitchen ornaments at her feet I was pissed off by that stupid comment because I've never even come close to cheating on her so for her to see this as retribution was crazy I can't remember what I said after this but I remember a lot of cursing screaming and explaining I told her she was crazy if she thought this made any sense I

told her she had never caught me even close to cheating that she constantly overreacted to the slightest interactions I had with women and that she was delusional to think I had ever shown signs of unfaithfulness I pointed out that all the things that triggered her were always women's actions toward me never mind toward them despite the many times she accused me of cheating she never had definitive proof of a single one it was all in her head and I told her she needed help I think that was the moment I expressed everything I'd ever wanted

to scream at her when I was done she said nothing she just stood there I asked if she had anything to say but she said nothing at all and just shook her head slightly I told her to pack a few of her things and leave again she stood there for a bit before walking to the bedroom she came out about an hour later with her suitcase packed and I haven't seen her since then this time I definitely don't need any help figuring out what to do next I've already contacted a divorce lawyer and I really

want to make sure I hurt her in the split because I've put up with way too much over the years I'm so exhausted Ed and annoyed that this is what it had to come to I'll update you all once the divorce is finalized and I know where I stand update two I am incredibly happy to share this update and feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders honestly I feel fantastic in a previous post I described my extremely jealous wife who constantly accused me of cheating or being interested in other women her

decision to intentionally make me jealous and then sleep with another man was the final straw I quickly contacted a divorce lawyer and it didn't take long for the papers to be prepared I made sure she was served at her workplace for context she works at a publishing company so I'm certain this created some office gossip in fact I know it did because she sent me an angry text that evening accusing me of embarrassing her and being vindictive fast forward to the divorce proceedings I realized I had messed up big time because I had no concrete

evidence that she cheated on me I didn't record my conversation with Bill the confession from her Affair partner I tried to see if Bill could get the affair partner to admit it again but that wasn't feasible however I managed to convince the court by explaining her jealousy the couple's therapy we attended and recounting the entire story honestly she attempted to spin the story in her favor from the start but it was transparent thankfully in the end I received a very favorable outcome I got to keep the house which was Fair since I lived there before

she moved in it was Det determined that there was no need for me to pay alimony even though I earned more than her because the difference wasn't significant enough and the judge didn't want to reward her behavior fortunately we didn't have any children which was a relief I was glad to be free of any ties to her I also think I got off easy because I agreed to let her take several pieces of furniture and appliances from the house I did this mainly because I didn't want daily reminders of her around so that's it I'm

finally free of her while it's painful to realize that I spent so many years being falsely accused of cheating and then actually being cheated on I'm relieved to be in a position where I know it won't happen again now it's time to move on to the next chapter of my life am I the a for forcing my family to babysit for me why does my family expect me to babysit for my sister for free but get upset when asked to help June 13th 2024 I'm 19 and living at home working a part-time job doing some

freelance work and taking online courses to prepare for college next year my 25-year-old sister had her first child 8 months ago the father isn't involved and only pays child support my mom is excited to have her first grandchild and is constantly offering to look after the baby so my sister can feel at ease working full-time and afterwards we'll have some time for herself to relax the thing is about 70% of the time I'll be the one looking after the baby and while I admit that I enjoy it and like spending time with him I can't

help but feel mad because they don't have any consideration for my time mom would drop the baby while I'm in the middle of my lessons because you can always watch the recordings later or just ask someone to tell you what it was about or when I'm working in my freelance stuff because looking after the baby doesn't really require much when I complain about getting delayed in my projects my Breaking Point happened last week when my mother and sister left the baby with me for a whole day because I mistakenly told them I didn't have to

work and would be staying at home to catch up with some pending stuff and study I told them both I was irresponsible and they called me a spoiled brat that night night my grandma and other members of the extended family were calling and sending me messages about the importance of helping family and to understand that my sister doesn't have it easy being a single mom I got mad and sent a message to the family group chat saying that they were right helping family is important and we all should be supportive of my sister I then

proceeded to write a schedule in which all of us could take care of the baby because one Aunt goes to visit Grandma on Mondays and Wednesdays mornings they could babysit those days Friday afternoon the eldest cousin and her siblings are at their residence they could watch the kids at that time and so on I left early on Saturday mornings and late on Tuesday nights to watch the kids the arrangement made my mom and sister very happy but not so much about the other family and when someone pointed out that my sister didn't get the baby

for a whole day discussions about my sister being an irresponsible mother started with my mother trying to defend her am I the a for causing this how come they were expecting me to be my sister's unpaid Nanny but then they get offended when the same thing is being forced on them I may be the [ __ ] because I caused this and don't regret it one bit relevant comments commenter not the a you aren't a spoiled brat your sister is a spoiled brat she chose to bring a child into this world thinking other people would

parent him for her the only person responsible for this baby is your sister op I blame that on our mom when my sister told us she was pregnant and that the father would be involved our mother assured her if she kept the baby then she would help her whenever she needed as she's already retired and like I said was excited to have her first grandchild comment her if your mom assured her that she would be the one to help her whenever she needs it why is she turning around and dumping the baby on you instead

op I might have a theory on that long before my sister got pregnant my mom sister and I were talking about the future and the topic of marriage and kids came up I must have been around 14 at the time and I proclaimed that I wanted to be childfree mom didn't take it too seriously then and said you'll change your mind when you grow up I haven't changed my mind I believe that she is trying to persuade me that babies and kids aren't all that horrible since on occasion when I babysit she would say things

like oh I would make a great mother and I'm so good with kids but I'd prefer not to although I enjoy being an ant and was quite happy to have a nephew the incessant babysitting exhausted me being under pressure like this isn't helpful but I might decide against having children in the future adoption or surrogacy are options I'm considering and I'm sure my mom would approve of either choice sis getting a nanny or babysitter I already suggested hiring a nanny several times but my sister claims that she wouldn't feel at ease leaving her child with

a stranger I then agreed to babysit certain days according to my schedule but they wouldn't respect it I did get paid to babysit a few times but they would make a big deal out of it and I would end up feeling guilty so I stopped asking for any payment commenter not the a it's nice to help out every now and then when you can but you have a life too your family shouldn't expect you to babysit and just be fine with it when you clearly have a busy schedule and now that they have a taste

of their own medicine all of a sudden it's a problem op I think most of the problem is that they don't consider what I do aside from my part-time job a tutor at a children's academy worthy of being busy I work as a freelance editor of audio and video but they just see me as being on my laptop just because and I take Spanish courses four times a week along with audio engineering stuff three times a week both require me to do homework and in the latter case work on projects but but they still don't

consider that a big deal and I'm honestly too tired of explaining to them why both are important commenter I absolutely love this well done how much time off from the child does your sister get at present op I think it is easier to tell you how much time my sister gets with the baby she's a pargal at a law office works from 8: to 5:00 Monday Wednesday and Friday between commuting and she and Mom saying she needs time to eat and Rewind she gets the baby around 700 p.m. Thursdays are home office days but home

office is still work she won't watch the baby until the evening on weekends she'll take care of the baby on Saturday evenings and Saturday mornings unless she goes out for brunch or coffee with her friends which isn't every Saturday to her credit Sundays are split half and half we usually spend the first half of the day with extended family and in the evening the paternal grandparents visit to bond with my nephew so objectively she does not really spend a lot of time alone with baby commenter that was a beautiful way to address that everyone always

says family until it comes back to them op hahahha thank you I admit I got the inspiration after reading several Reddit posts and comments dealing with similar issues what if I did was how I felt and while I don't particularly regret choosing that path I worry a little bit that I may have gone too far the family is having a lengthy conversation about this as I mentioned to another commenter honestly I wasn't being all that serious I mostly was angry and just wanted to prove my point but given how it all blew up was way

more than what I hoped for update same post June 20th 2024 1 week later okay A lot has happened honestly I'm still not in the mood to provide a full update the main points are my sister did try to impose the babysitting schedule I made and the family wasn't happy mom my sister and I had a big discussion and hurtful things were said on both sides I'm currently staying with my best friend and his girlfriend who are total sweethearts but it's not a feasible long-term Arrangement even though they have said I could stay with them

as long as I need the family is complaining Non-Stop and I'm feeling guilty because technically I'm the one who caused this by creating the schedule in the first place maybe I should have just sucked it up I really feel sorry for my nephew Sundays are when the whole family comes together and this Sunday my mom's eldest sister my grandma's eldest daughter is traveling from out of state this is significant since she is in a positive sense the matriarch of the family and Grandma's Golden Child I'm anxious as well as hopeful if anyone can solve this

mess it's her but at the same time I'm worried she'll blame me like everyone else I'll provide a full update then also sorry for not having the time to answer all the comments and private messages like I said a lot of things happened but here's some of the questions some people asked one my relationship with my mom and sister was pretty good before my sister got pregnant my sister and I always knew that she was more favored by our mom because they had more common interests while I had a similar bond with my dad this

wasn't necessarily A Bad Thing think it more of it if one of us wanted to visit a friend or a specific favor we knew which parent to ask we would actually team up sometimes to convince them of something me appealing to Dad and sis to Mom sadly dad passed away 5 years ago he was an amazing father and we were absolutely heartbroken but the one good thing that came out of it was that it helped us Bond Dad loved classical music and was really into it and programming I would go to concerts with him and

he got me into gaming after his passing mom began to buy tickets to classical concerts and the three of us would go together as a way to remember him we also went to watch Super Mario movie because my dad would have loved to be there even if sis and Mom knew little of the franchise so things going this bad makes me pretty sad two my job I work part-time at a kids after school academy where we tutor them in subjects they find difficult and help them with their homework and test preparation my freelance job involves

video and audio editing for my best friend and his girlfriend both are streamers and content creators they know about my Reddit post but asked me to leave out their personal details so please don't ask for their accounts I create one weekly video for her and one or two for him three do I pay rent no I don't dad had a hard time with his family and while my sis and I didn't know the details and were no contact with them we kind of imagined what went down mom promised to keep the house safe for my

sister sister and me when dad left it to her they decided to accept us for paying rent as long as we cover our expenses ourselves sister and I cover our groceries cell phones and some services and I pay part of their gas whenever they give me a ride because I don't have a car four extended family as I mentioned we have no contact with dad's family mom who is 50 years old is the third of four siblings the eldest Aunt the eldest Uncle deceased who was the father of the cousins I mentioned in my first

post and the youngest uncle who is 39 years old and single grandma is currently 77 years old five my nephew's dad he and my sister were together for about 2 years when she found out she was pregnant and decided to keep the baby the relationship ended because he is child-free a paternity test was conducted after my nephew was born confirming he was the father he pays child support but has no contact with the baby his parents my nephew's paternal grandmother and grandfather do keep in touch from what I was told they and the rest of

their family didn't approve of his actions regarding my sister and nephew so far they don't know what's going on and I didn't involve them in the initial babysitting schedule because I'm sure that would have caused another whole mess update post June 26th 2024 6 days later 13 from original post I'm not sure how to post an update if you want to know the full story it is my profile there's an edit there with some more relevant information and questions you asked a lot of things happened and I'm finally in the mood to write the update

so here it goes my sister followed the babysitting schedule I set up which involved our extended family and they were not happy two days after my post she left my nephew with one of our aunts the aunt had plans to meet some friends for brunch and had to take the baby with her the baby was fussy and crying so she had to come home early understandably the aunt was upset I had agreed to babysit the next day and that's when things started to go downhill my nephew is usually comfortable with me but this time he

was very fussy and coughing which seemed odd mom wasn't home and I tried calling her but she didn't answer until about 2 hours later when she finally came home and checked on my nephew he had a slight fever of course we called my sister and she blamed our Aunt for taking the baby out questioning how she could have a life while being forced to babysit she accused our aunt in the family chat sparking a huge argument suddenly my mom and sister remembered that I was the one who involved the whole family with the babysitting schedule

and blamed me that was my breaking point I ended up yelling at my sister calling her negligent and a part-time mother to my nephew not my proudest moment and I immediately regretted it not going to lie my mother countered by saying that if my dad who passed away 5 years ago could hear me he would have been very disappointed in me that really hurt because I was very close to him and he always put family above everything still I was mad and said that I expected my sister to reimburse me the amount I took from

my college fund in full again not my proudest moment and I immediately regretted it not going to lie some background when my sister and I were born dad and mom set up a college fund for each of us dad always encouraged us to study and improve ourselves when my nephew was born I took $5,000 from my fund to start one for him in honor of my dad as I'm sure he would have done the same after that I packed a bag and took an Uber to my best friend's apartment I told him what happened and

he and his girlfriend invited me to stay with them as long as I needed I blocked my mother sister and the rest of the family spending the following days both avoiding them and worrying about my nephew last Friday I received a call from an unknown number it was one of my eldest aunt's daughters she and her family live in another state so they mostly followed the drama from afar my cousin told me they were coming to visit and my aunt was going to have a serious talk with all of us not going to lie I

was really nervous I think I mentioned this in my previous post my mom who's 50 years old is the third of four siblings we'll call them Rose eldest Aunt Mario eldest Uncle deceased father of the cousins I mentioned in my first post my mom and John youngest Uncle there's also Jane Mario's Widow and the Ant I mentioned in this post who took out the baby Rose is pretty much my grandma's Golden Child in a good way she's the second mother to her siblings and overall a very strong woman she and her husband have five adopted

children and due to their complicated Logistics my uncle and two of his sons are doctors and the youngest of that set of cousins is in college hearing that they are suddenly coming over was a very big deal Sunday arrived and my best friend and his girlfriend accompanied me to my grandma's house for moral support Rose and her family were already there and I spent most of the time avoiding my mom and sister deep down I knew my mom wouldn't dare to yell or confront me in front of rose as she's afraid of making her angry

after a few hours Rose finally addressed the elephant in the room it was a long emotional discussion and we all ended up crying I'll sum up the main points one baby nephew is a human being not a stray puppy to be passed around he needs some stability two stop with the if you couldn't afford to or didn't want a child why did you have one comments my nephew is here and he's not going anywhere so let's focus on Solutions three to my sister as a mother you need to learn to put your child first while

it's okay to rely on help sometimes don't do it all the time it's bad for the baby and burdens others involved four to my mother stop enabling her five to the rest of the family unless you're willing to offer some solutions don't meddle in other people's Affairs six to me about the babysitting schedule well done kiddo and I cried in relief my sister then admitted that while she loves my nephew she felt unfit to be a mother and wasn't fully conscious of the responsibility it would take to raise him apparently my mother was aware of

that and her response was to make me babysit my nephew in order to make my sister feel less stressed out and yes to make me hopefully change my mind about having kids in the future Rose also talked to Mom about that Rose then said that worst case scenario she and my cousins talked and either her eldest son and daughter were willing to adopt my nephew apparently both discussed it with respective spouses and all on board if it came to that to be honest while it is good that my nephew would be in a loving and

safe home Rose and my cousins are amazing people it would hurt not seeing him as often anymore Rose emphasized to my sister to think it carefully and that if it came to that it would be a permanent adoption not a daycare service where she could dump him for days weeks and then pick him up later that's mainly it my sister will be seeing a therapist next week mom and I have apologized and I clarified I didn't actually want to be reimbursed for the money in my nephew's college fund and some members of the extended family

also apologized for pressuring me to babysit in the first place I'm back at my house and have compromised to babysit three times a week all according to my personal schedule and for a reasonable period of time during one of those three times my sister will be joining me as she admitted she felt she didn't really know my nephew and haven't really bonded with him so since the baby is somewhat attached to me the three of us will be spending some time together overall I think it was a good resolution but time will tell I really

really hope my sis will improve and be the mom my nephew deserves thank you all for the support and the comments whenever I felt that what I did was wrong your comments really helped to lessen the guilt and some of you even make me laugh hopefully this will be my last update so thank you all I had to protect my husband's niece from a pitbull attack while he ran off I've been ignoring him since then should I forgive him for this I'm going to start with this I'm still a bit traumatized I will be finding

someone to talk to and a friend made this account for me because I am not a frequent user I don't know if the Pitbull made it I haven't asked my husband his niece nephew and I were in our backyard I assume our gate was open I can't remember the Pitbull came out of nowhere and latched onto his niece 5f my niece screamed I turned and kicked it with all the force I could manage I was lucky enough to hit it in the jaw somewhere that made its jaw dislodge my husband who had been a few

feet away shouted something like who dog is this I told him to get our bear spray from the house I was in a panic I am an animal lover but it was so insane the pit bull seemed almost rabbit in hindsight I don't think it was it wasn't foaming at the mouth it was just crazed my husband ran but not towards the house he literally ran out the fence gate and shut it behind him not towards his niece or nephew who was also present in an outdoor bassinet that I managed to toss onto the picnic

table to make sure it was out of the dogs reach while holding his niece over my shoulder I put her on the BBQ to keep her out of reach the dog was literally jumping and snapping and I was worried that if I tried to carry her I'm short it would manage to grab her out of my hands it chased me when I ran for the shovel but then I swung at it and I swung until it stopped I don't think I will ever forget the sound or feeling it was so high stress I didn't even

realize that it had bitten me twice I haven't spoken to him for a full week even though we live in the same house I didn't ask where he went he only came back a few minutes later to pack us into the car and drive us to the hospital he's getting angry that I'm giving him the silent treatment but I feel like it's his fault that I had to possibly end that animal if he had gotten the bear spray I literally keep it in my purse in case I'm ever attacked by an animal or otherwise then

I don't think I would have needed to do what I did it was literally just inside the door he knows where I keep it instead he took off to God knows where me and two children that I'm not even related to could have died it might not even be relevant but I don't even like kids I am staunchly childfree and he is the one who offered us up to babysit for the weekend I don't know is this grounds for divorce I'm not sure I can even look at him any attraction I had to him is

pretty much gone he tried to touch me yesterday just to move me so he could pass and I smacked his hand away without even thinking about it like he was some stranger at a bar because it was literally jarring he's just been skullking around trying to talk to me then getting frustrated then skullking more I wasn't expecting him to be macho and fist fight the freaking dog but at least follow instructions at least not leave me in a life and death situation with a toddler and an infant should I be able to chalk this up

to the moment panic I don't even know if I want to hear him out relevant comments commenter if it makes you feel better that dog would have been considered dangerous and put down either way you defended yourself and the children from an unprovoked attack you were so courageous and saved the kids lives be proud of yourself op I know that consciously I think but thank you for saying that because I just feel so terrible commenter downvoted he absolutely might do it again would would you feel differently if he told you that he was bitten by

a dog when he was small and he just couldn't stop himself from running away I'm not trying to excuse him people have flaws and you have to decide if you can tolerate them or not Opie no I wouldn't really seeing as I was attacked pretty badly by a dog when I was young around 10 11 I still have scars on my thigh I still like dogs and I would like to think I reacted appropriately in the situation those kids could have died I could barely stomach explaining his his niece's injuries to his sister I was

balling apologizing that I didn't do more I can't imagine if something worse had happened to a longer comment we used to Camp I had trusted that he would be able to react appropriately also he doesn't have any childhood incidents regarding animals that I know of I actually do I was attacked by a German Shepherd pretty badly but I still like dogs commenter downvoted fight flight freeze or Fawn everyone reacts differently to treat stress in the middle of a crisis some people panic and cannot follow instructions or even hear instructions they're just in flight or freezing

these reactions aren't really something we can control I mean you don't even like kids and your instinct was to protect and fight i' talk to him about it op I'm trying to I keep telling myself to try and then I see him and I remember him freaking running I don't know if I want to be with someone whose reaction is flight at all even if it comes naturally one more thought from op if his niece and nephew had died I just don't think anyone would give a damn about his instincts that's the thing because they

could have why should he have to protect you would you protect him I expect us to protect each other I guess is what I mean I didn't expect him to take one for the team I expected him to have my back update my friend said that people update often but I don't know how to attach it to the other post I thought I'd update since a few things have happened sorry if this is needlessly long I didn't expect this to get so many comments and kindnesses I want to say I'm so sorry to everyone who

has experienced anything similar because my God it has not been easy for everyone worried about my mental health I got an appointment through an app with my work yesterday because I decided I really needed it and labeled it high priority however it felt like just a preliminary meeting she said she wanted to get me feeling a bit more comfortable because I was visibly tensing up whenever I started talking about it and she even noticed it through the video chat last night I also told my husband I needed space I apologize that I don't have more

of an update on our relationship than that I wasn't as nice as I wanted to be he argued and didn't want to leave it's my house but I told him I just didn't want to look at him that I couldn't look at him he cried and I hate that I felt apathetic towards it I haven't slept well so I'm not sure if I'm just over tired and still so shaken I was also emotionally exhausted after the appointment so that might have added to it I got a few questions about his sister and her husband so

I thought I'd answer they aren't speaking with him I don't know when it happened I was definitely out of it at the hospital while I was getting the stitches and everything but I do think after I was done blubbering and trying to explain how something so terrible happened to their little girl under our watch they apparently asked him where he was I still haven't talked to him about where he went so I don't know however it clearly didn't satisfy them his niece just got out of the hospital yesterday so that really triggered everything and a

lot happened I had sent flowers a bear and this one toy she'd been asking about I didn't go to the hospital though I was scared seeing me would make her nervous but his sister and her husband sent me flowers too and it made me ball again I'm just a freaking mess honestly the father sent me a long message that I haven't been able to get through but it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever sent me he also sent me a $1,000 Visa card I literally thought I was reading the amount wrong they are good people and

I still feel terrible that I couldn't have done more for her everything's just replaying in my head anyway I obviously haven't looked into filing yet but I am not against the idea of it and it really did help me feel better about wanting a divorce over this I know fight ORF flight can't be helped but now I think I realize that it's okay not to want to be with someone who would leave you behind I think I can say I'm a fighter and I want a fighter with me maybe he'd be better off with a

runner instead too then he at least wouldn't be leaving someone behind I don't know it feels like I'm done but I'm also just a mess so right now I'm just glad I have space thank you to everyone for making me feel like I wasn't being ridiculous I think it always feels like there should be multiple issues that tear a marriage apart unless it's infidelity or something and it's like I know he may not have meant to betray me but he still did whatever his reasoning not sure when I'll be speaking to him but I will

try to update then relevant comments commenter I'm so sorry you went through such a horrible experience it sounds like the parents are thankful you protected their children at risk to your own safety I know I'd never be able to repay you if they were my kids you protected I'm glad you have gotten the therapy ball rolling I wish you and your niece a speedy recovery that little girl is always going to know how you saved her and I'm sure you'll always be her aunt regardless of whether you stay in your marriage or not I'm so

proud of you op they're good people his message was really soothing to read because I still feel guilty about how badly hurt she was from that initial bite but she's home now and I'm glad I don't know how it works with children in therapy because she's so young but I hope they get her some commenter downvoted I read the original post and I understand you the man doesn't have a masculine bone in his body doubt he will ever be a protector you are in a tough spot and hopefully things get better op I don't need

him to be a protector just to have my back which I thought he did but now I don't believe he would do that anymore op's support system I have a decent support system though my family isn't close by they've been messaging and video chatting with me a lot hours long group chats I think my mom has been trying not to give too much of her opinion on my relationship though she was more focused on making sure I knew how to clean my wound and finding counseling Etc she's a former nurse my boyfriend quit his job

without telling me and now he refuses to look for another job I'm tired of paying for everything my boyfriend 33m quit his job last year without telling me I only found out 2 days before the rent was due we split everything 50/50s when I asked him for his part of the rent when I asked he simply told me he quit because he was tired of working at that place since then I've been paying for everything including rent food gas bills and anything he needs I had to work two jobs while going to school for a

while it was hard but I finally finished school a couple months ago and I found my dream job I make enough to live comfortably even take care of my BF and still have money for saving however I still want him to get a job to support himself because I think as an adult he needs a job but I feel like he relies on me too much and he thinks since my job pays well he doesn't have any reason to work he always says things like you make good money now so maybe you could buy me

my dream car or you should open a business for me to run it bothers me a lot I don't mind supporting my partner financially if there's a legit reason that prevents him from working but it's not the case he spends most of his time playing playing games meeting up with friends or just at home watching movies I still have to do all the chores and take care of our dogs his family thinks that he's been working to take care of me so that I can finish school which is not true now they think I was

able to finish school and got a good job all because of him I don't even want to explain to them I just want him to get a job and have a future when I tried to talk to him he told me I'm not supportive and now that I have a good job I look down on him what should I do is it even worth it to try to talk some sense into him I don't want to start dating at this age but I feel like I can't keep doing this edit many people have asked why

him why did I stay for years what did I see in him so I just want to answer it here we started off pretty normal we split everything 50-50s and I had no problem with that but throughout the years he started showing his true self I was in school and school was the most important thing to me at that point so I invested all my time and energy into it I was in a PhD program so I had stiped around 30k yr which was enough for myself but not for two people after he quit his

job I was very stressed out but I had to focus on school and tried to do everything I could to survive I didn't have time to really think about my personal life and I also didn't want to go through any changes in life so I just let it be in addition he guilt trips me a lot so I feel bad for him but now that I have a stable job I have time to really think about my future I don't see myself being with him long term I don't think it would be as easy as

hey let's break up because I know he wouldn't let it go that easy but I'll start planning to get out maybe ask some friends for support his name is not on the lease so I'll stay where I am and he'll have to move relevant comments comment one you work two jobs while in school to support someone who happily sits on their ass not contributing not even cleaning or caring for the pets why why have you accepted this and the worst part is he lets his family think that he's supporting you so he actually has enough

sense to know that what he's doing is frowned up you don't want to start dating at this age you mean 31 so you'd rather be 31 taking care of a stay-at-home boyfriend who contributes literally nothing how is that a better Outlook at 31 op's reply I think it's because I was too busy figuring my life out and trying to do everything I could to survive all I did was work and go to school I didn't really have time to think about my personal life now that I have a stable job I have time to think

about my life more and more I need to this and take care of myself TBH I'm not even sure how to date anymore but I guess I'll try and hopefully able to find someone I will have a talk with him this afternoon to tell him it's time to end things and he needs to move out he will probably give me the my life is miserable talk again but I think reading all these comments makes me realize I should feel bad for myself and not for him I'm sure once he moves back to live with his

family they will reach out to me to tell me how good he has been treating me and how he helped me through school they've done this before when I told them things weren't working for us I will tell them everything this time comment to you were in a PhD program you are intellectually smart apply that to your emotional and financial intelligence if you were a classmate when this happened I can tell you the other grad students would ask why you were still with him after a grace period of a couple of months leave and rebuild

your life op's reply I haven't told any of my family and friends about the situation because I'm kind of ashamed of it my friends would probably think I can't be this stupid but but two of my very close friends did tell me that I deserve better just based on the way he treats me in front of them I will have a talk with him this afternoon and a couple of my friends will be waiting outside in case he gets physical or refuses to leave wish me luck update 1 it's been 2 months since I posted

about my situation on this sub and I just want to give you an update of how things went after I made that post before I go into the details I just want to say I really appreciate everyone here after I resolved everything I occasionally would go back to my original post and read the comments to remind myself that I've done the right thing after posting on here I went home from work that day and asked my friends to come over but stay in the parking lot while I sort things out with my now xbf before

I could even start the conversation he told me his friend got a new car recently and how I should get him a car since I can afford it I got really upset and told him he could have got himself a car if he was working I told him how stressful it has been for me with him not working and fully relying on me he started that my life is already miserable and not being supportive talk I was sick of it so I said I wanted to end things here and he needs to move out ASAP

as expected he got upset and threw a tantrum he was yelling throwing stuff around and when he realized I was being dead serious he started threatening to hit and kill my dogs I jumped in between him and the dogs to stop him from harming them then he pushed me and grabbed me by my neck I was able to get him off of me put the dogs into a room and called my friends to tell them to come in and call the police he was trying to hit me but my friends got there in time I

think he got scared when he saw my friends showed up so he backed down but still verbally told them to get out of the way or he would hit them too the police came they took him away and told me he wouldn't be able to come into the apartment anymore he had to move but would need to be escorted by the police if he wanted to grab his stuff later it was a horrible experience but it showed me that I've done the right thing I thought that was the end of everything but his auntie called

me when she found out and tried to gas light me saying that he didn't do anything wrong and I was just upset so I called the police I told myself that I no longer have to deal with this [ __ ] so I told her to leave me alone and hung up his family would continue to harass me but stopped when I threatened to report to the police I continue to pay the rent and bills like how I've always been doing the only thing that's changed is I'm now so much happier I'm the happiest I've

ever been in years I just got a promotion last week I've been spending time enjoying life with the extra money I have since I no longer have to pay for his expenses as for my ex he's moved in with his aunt I got a protection order so we are not in contact at all relevant comments many people congratulate op and wish her well op responds thank you it feels great to wake up in the morning and not have to worry about what kind of crap he is going to give me today and OMG the extra

saving that I have since I'm not longer financially responsible for a full-grown adult thank you I've realized that all the uncertainties that I had before really don't mean anything my life is only getting better and I've received all the support I need from friends and family and people on Reddit too comment one how long were you in that relationship op's reply I was in that relationship for 8 yrs comment two I hope you change the locks and why didn't you tell his family about his refusal to work I hate that they think of him as

the victim now and that you used him to finance your studies and then dropped him op's reply I haven't mentioned this but his family is the type of people who it doesn't matter what he does he's always right to them I knew even if I told them that he refused to work his family would still defend him and make excuses for his behavior it has happened with other things before but his family can take care of him all they want now I didn't put this in the post because I didn't want the post to get

too long but when his auntie first called me she told me if I kicked him out he wouldn't have anywhere to stay because she couldn't let him stay with her I knew she was just saying that so that I would feel bad and wouldn't kick him out so I told her it's none of my business and he needs to figure it out himself guess what he moved right into his aunt's house after he was released comment three op will you be able to move given he seems unhinged what are the chances of him coming back

in a later date he already has escalated to violence and seems like he has gotten his rotten morals from his family who enables him and may do the same I read way too much ra and baru hearing how bad things escalates I hope you're able to do the following filing a restraining order and documenting all instances of the abuse that has escalated consider moving and keep the information where you move to the down low plus a change of place may do wonders for your mental health invest in a ring doorbell cam it's for your safety

and the dogs alert your rental apt or property that he is not allowed unless on a scheduled time to pick up his stuff find a safe space for you and your animals in case he escalates again anyone who has gone to his manic level of harming you and animals will repeat until they find another Obsession he is an abuser and he's at the stage he lost control and is going berserk but may also be biting his time better be overly cautious than not I hope you be fully free of him op's reply I'm planning to

move to a new place soon and it's nicer and closer to my work too since I can now afford it with the extra money I have I have no doubt he's capable of harming me and I'm honestly not sure if he would leave me alone I'm considering filing a restraining order against his family also because even though they've stopped coming to my place to try to Gaslight and guilt trip me they still try to call me sometimes with different num since I blocked their numbers already I just ordered a ring camera and I'm also going

to move to a new place soon he doesn't even know where I work because he didn't care he'd never taken me to work or even asked what company I work for he only asked about my salary when I told him I got a new job I was sad that he didn't care but now I'm glad that he doesn't know much about me besides where I live comment four I hope you read this and seriously consider it we are attracted to what is normal to us not necessarily what is good for us you need to spend

some time with a therapist unpacking what in your past taught you to accept being used women especially are often taught to be people Pleasers even to the point of their own detriment I hope you spend some time rewiring yourself to only accept respectful loving treatment my heartbreaks that you went through this I sincerely wish you well op's reply I'm spending a lot of time taking care of myself I have had a couple therapy sessions in the past couple weeks the whole incident was traumatizing to me I'm a lot happier but still need lots of time

to heal update it's been a year since I called the police on my xbf after he hurt me and threatened to hurt my dogs I hope the same thing doesn't happen to anyone but if you're currently in a similar relationship I hope this post will help you realize good things will come after you stand up for yourself after my ex was taken by the police I dealt with some harassment from his family but they eventually left me alone I moved closer to my job in basically a different city that's 30 means away from my old

apartment I took some time to heal and went on Vacation by myself it was great I finally look forward to coming home and spending time with my dogs one of them passed away from cancer a couple months ago about 6 months after the incident I met someone he's a great person and for the first time in a long time someone treats me with love and respect I'm very happy at the moment I've learned to set boundaries and expectations early on to avoid being in the same situation again now to my ex's case yesterday I got

a call from the prosecutor's office to be honest Hest I totally forgot about the case and I thought there's nothing else to follow up on but they called to inform me that they'll be pressing charges and asked if I would be okay to testify I said yes it'll be hard for me to go to court and talk about the incident if he's right there because even though I've completely moved on with my life I can still feel the fear when I heard about the case I'm somewhat still traumatized by the whole thing but I think

he needs to be responsible for his actions especially after his auntie tried to defend his actions by blaming me it really sucks that I have to go through all of that to end a toxic and abusive relationship but I got out somewhat safely and I can't imagine what my life would be if I stayed it was a hard time but it's worth it things are definitely better and I'm surrounded by people who truly love me and appreciate me simple and little things in life truly make me happy like how my BF got me bubble tea

and prepared dinner for me when I had a hard day at work last week I can't believe just more than a year ago I thought a day without an argument was already a good day relevant comments comment were overwhelmingly proud and supportive of oop in leaving and encouraged her to testify against her ex here are a sampling of those comments comment one good for you leaving that toxic situation the exact thing happened to me last year as well I was in a relationship with a toxic ex and I finally stood up for myself and ended

the relationship we had to love together until we figured out the living situation since unfortunately both our names were on the lease the way I got out was by calling the police after he swung a sound bar at me I'm still traumatized about it to this day I'm in therapy for the things he did and said to me he plead guilty which I'm so glad that this nightmarish chapter can finally be over op's reply I'm glad you were able to get out before things got worse it's a very traumatizing experience but therapy does help I

hope you have a good support system and are around people who care about you and understand your experience comment too you may want to reach out to the victim Advocate and see if the prosecutor's office or anyone else affiliated with the court has an emotional support dog that you can have with you when you testify I was pleasantly surprised that a small County near me had that for a person I work with when she had to testify against a family member it helped her feel more calm and protected going into testifying my stepdaughter wants her

real dad to give her away even though he breaks her heart by skipping town and breaking promises he makes to her my stepdaughter will be getting married on August 3rd the wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother's life I say her mother because we aren't married though we've lived together for 10 years for the past 6 months my stepdaughter graduated last December from University I paid for her to go to college though it was a state school it still ran 40K she does not have a job and has been living with us

for the duration of her college career and since her graduation I also bought her a car to get back and forth from school when she finished high school from time to time her deadbeat father would pop into her life and she would Fawn all over him although he has not contributed a scent to her education or paid any child support though that is my girlfriend's fault as CS was not part of the settlement she still loves him and wants him in her life he stays long enough to break her heart by skipping town and breaking

some promise that he made her the wedding venue holds 250 people Max I gave them a list of 20 people that I wanted invited you know since I was paying for everything they told me that was no problem and they'd take care of it so why let these people know they'd be getting an invite and they should save the date Saturday I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course and asked if he was coming he told me that he wasn't invited he told me that he got an announcement but not

an invitation he had it in his back seat along with probably 6 months of mail and showed it to me sure enough it was just an announcement and my name was nowhere on it it had her dad's name and her mom's name and not mine this led to a pretty big fight with my girlfriend as I found out that none of my list of 20 made the cut for the final guest list because 250 people is very tight I was pissed but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in

my life had already been offended my girl friend said if some people didn't RSVP yes I might be able to get a couple people in but that is an ultimate slap in the face in my opinion so I was boiling on Saturday yesterday we had a Sunday dinner with the f future in-laws family and us and a surprise guest the real dad at this little dinner my stepdaughter announced that her real dad was going to be able to make it to her wedding and that now he'd be able to give her away this was greeted

with a chorus of oh how great and how wonderful I don't think I have ever felt so angry and so disrespected I was shaking I took a few seconds to gather my composure because I honestly wasn't sure if I would cry or start throwing punches or both once I was sure I'd be able to speak I got up from my chair and said I'd like to make a toast I can't remember exactly what I said but the gist of it was this I'd like to make a toast the sound of spoons against glasses rings in

my ears it has been my great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past 10 years a how sweet at this point in my life I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to the bride and groom because they have opened my eyes to something very important confident Smiles exchanged they have shown me that my position in this family is not what I once thought it was and now a glimmer of confusion and shock begins to spread on the faces in the room though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or

Godfather of the family commanding great respect and sought out help in times of need it seems instead that I hold the position of an ATM good for a stream of money but not much else as I have been replaced as host both on the invitations and in the ceremony I am resigning my financial duties as host to my successor real dad so cheers to the happy couple and the path they have chosen I finished my drink you all can let yourselves out is this selfish I'm supposed to Shell out 40 50 grand for a wedding

that I can't invite anyone to that I am not a part of I'm so done with this crap I'm done with my stepdaughter I'm done with my girlfriend I transferred the money out of our joint account last night she has not had a job since she moved in with me this morning I called all the vendors I had written checks for deposits to refund my money at present it looks like I'll lose around 1,500 for the venue but the other vendors have been great about refunding too long didn't read you want your real dad to

be on the invitation to give you away and to sit at the head table fine your real dad can pay for everything too update one the immediate aftermath was a tantrum and people sitting there mumbling while not actually saying anything to me but to each other after much yelling with the GF about me being selfish I spent the night in my home office and no one knocked on my door not once today's aftermath is kind of depressing for me GF brought me bride's wedding planner to show me how much work I was ruining I thumbed

through it found a page in the music section for father daughter Dances all of the songs were catered to real dad's taste so I thought they were just being disrespectful but now I'm feeling feeling like they never really gave a crap at all especially since the menu included two ingredients I'm allergic to that actually made me laugh either way I'm glad to be done returned to the planner and asked her when she and the bride could move out also I never promised to pay for the wedding I offered them the use of my home when

they were sure it was going to be small but other than that all I've heard is how it's the bride's family that should pay so let it be the bride's family then aka not me final update girlfriend and bride are now moved out they are moving in with the groom it was very hard not to be Petty with some of the belongings they took with them but it's done and I switched out the locks and now it's time for a brew I can't believe how popular this story got but I feel good to be given

support by so many if I find out what happens with the wedding I will let you know but I can't guarantee that I will put in the effort to find out from what I've heard they are trying to scale things back and get his parents to help out GF burned Bridges when I found out she tried to write herself a check on our joint account the day after the unpleasantness by then I had already moved money so I guess I'm a bigger ass than her but I could feel it coming that's all thanks when my

late husband's ex-wife passed away I had to decide whether to adopt his children we haven't seen each other in 2 years hello I of course know how awful this sounds but it is a recent development and I'm unsure sure if I'm completely in the wrong before I married my husband he had three children with his ex-wife who were 2 25 when we got married his ex was still bitter I say this in the most respectful way possible but it's true as they had only been divorced officially for a year after that custody was a big

issue with us with her and my husband fighting for full custody unfortunately we only ended up getting weekends and the complete months of December and July while they were out of school so it goes without saying I wasn't much of a mother figure to them rather than their father's wife my husband passed away 2 years ago in an accident and I haven't seen them aside from the funeral in all that time his wife called me up sometime last month to reveal She's suffering from a terminal illness a brain tumor and that she was hoping I

could take in the children after she passed both her and my husband's parents are far too old to even care for themselves completely I still take his mother grocery shopping as she can't do it alone and that there was no one else who would be able to care for and support the children in a proper way she said her sister suffers from addiction and I'm not sure if that could be something the state would consider if there was truly no one left I told her I'd consider and needed to think it over and would call

her in my mind I feel that even though it's heartbreaking that she has to consider who will care for her children when she's dead so soon but I'm not sold and I don't want to jump in with full custody of three children who I haven't seen in 2 years op adds more information in the comments for people who thought it was relevant we were married for 5 years and together for six the kids are now 10 10 14 no we never got around to having kidss of our own and I still don't have any their

mother never remarried I do passively for myself but could reasonably support the three of them provided we all make sacrifices and their mother or the state helps supplement the income either with her life insurance or some type of Aid the biggest issue I have with myself being th is the commitment these are little people who my husband loved dearly but at the same time I barely know I've always thought I was a decent person but my extreme hesitation make me think otherwise update I want to thank everyone for their cond es for my husband and

the life he lost I wasn't sure if it was my right to update this as I'm sure I made a decision most people would think me awful for but at this point it's more of a releasing of feelings off my chest as you know my husband's ex is ill and I still feel for her greatly with much sympathy and will pray for her and her children but it's been a very long time since I was in any way a parent to them even as a stepmother most of their care went to my husband I just

don't feel I could properly care for them and myself in my life I told her this and and I feel awful that I made her react the way she did crying and coughing there was so much guilt I felt it was awful but I think I have always known my decision that I wasn't going to take in the children I just didn't want to acknowledge it because it made me feel awful I wish I could tell you where she decided they're going but after our meeting where I told her my decision it's been radio silence

as much as I would like to say they're going to people who are perfect and they'll be fine I don't know and their mother doesn't owe me an explanation but I do wish them and her the best and in the best case scenario I pray for her health my husband admitted to cheating with his best friend I'm not mad and I don't know why what should I do I 35 have been married to my husband for a bit under 10 years now we have no children yesterday night after dinner my husband Jay broke down and

admitted he's been sleeping with his childhood best friend Pete for quite a while now longer than I want to say it was the first time I have seen him cry in more than two years over something serious Jay is the kind that cries over dogs dying in shows but is Stony silent at tragedy however I'm not mad I'm not even sure I care I do love my husband more than anything in the world and I don't want to leave him I can't move on I can't stay like this and I don't want to but Jay

has said he won't stop seeing Pete no matter what I choose he's sorry for doing this to me and he has said he loves me and I'm his wife and heart but Pete means the same to him basically he can't choose he loves us both it falls to me to choose and I don't know what to do honestly the bit that hurts the most is the fact that Pete is a good friend of mine but he couldn't face me himself and instead let Jay break down in front of me sorry this turned into a rant

any advice would help if anyone's gone through something similar TLD drr husband cheated with a friend wants me to choose between staying with him and him continuing to see as a fair partner in divorce I can't choose without advice I want to stay with him I honestly don't feel anything about this affair honestly edit it's come up a bit so my husband has been openly bisexual since before I even met him Peter is be or pan he's dated guys and girls and others in the past no one in the last 3 years to my knowledge

I'm straight edit too since apparently I have no self-esteem I guess I couldn't possibly have four degrees a PhD make roughly dollar1 120k a year be the main provider for the household run my own business and go to the gym twice a week I know I look good I actually have a rather large ego about myself this honestly has nothing to do with self-esteem I don't know where it reads that I'm a poor little girl who got in over her head by a big strong man but I can bench press Jay and wait I know

what I'm worth and I know I want Jay so relevant comments comment one leave op I don't know if I should though we're happy we can still be happy throwing that away seems I don't know comment too so you don't mind sharing your husband how many nights a week will you get to be with him or will his friend be moving in with you op I don't know he's managed to be with Pete enough in the time we currently have I don't know how it would change if I stayed comment three what I don't understand

is why don't you want better for yourself he told you he doesn't care if you stay or leave but Pete he stays I think because he cares about his relationship with Pete how do you stay with someone who doesn't care if you stay he doesn't want to fight for this relationship you yourself said you don't care that he cheated you are financially independent what's keeping you from just ending it and moving on you say you love him but if you did wouldn't you care that he's cheated for years with a person you considered a friend

wouldn't you care that he's chosen his relationship with Pete as the one he can't let go of op must be how I wrote the post sorry jay does care he just can't choose and doesn't want to force me to choose he's staying at a friend's house not Pete's I double checked he's staying with a married couple of lesbian friends we have so he's not cheating with them right now so I have the house and quote as long as I need to do anything is it bad that I don't really care that he cheated I have

some heartache of the lies and who it was with not that it was a man but Pete but the actual cheating itself doesn't bother me too much and I honestly think I could just move on ignore it or somehow work with it update after reading all your advice I chose to ask for space which he J 36m freely gave he was staying at a friend's house when I called I couldn't face him yet and asked this helped to confirm what I already knew he was indeed staying with our mutual friends a married lesbian both 36f

couple so no he didn't run to Pete 36m as some of you thought I was leaning towards separation after reading your advice well a few days after I requested space I decided to ask for separation officially to cut a long ice cream and tear filled 3 weeks short I caved and called him I did not beg for him back or anything like that I asked him out for a walk and we had a long talk talk it was a fair while ago so I can't word for word type what was said but it boiled down

to this one I still love him no matter what two he still loves me no matter what three he loves Pete no matter what four he does not value either of us above the other when he spoke about me leaving but him not leaving Pete he was giving me an out more than anything else Jay would be destroyed if I chose to leave but he didn't want me to stay if I truly didn't want to which is why he didn't beg for me to stay after this talk we stayed SE for a few more days

about 7 weeks ago Jay moved back home and Pete came over for dinner that talk was longer harder and contained more personal details that I do not want to share here but the points were as follows Jay and Pete have not been together as long as I feared it's about 28 months not since they were teens Pete truly didn't want me to get hurt and he was the one pushing Jay to be honest with me Pete is gay but he dated girls in the past neither of us are attracted to each other and we are

not together we are all going to individual and couples and group therapy couples are each of us as me and Jay need to work out our marriage and emotions Pete and Jay need to work out the secrecy and talk through their own relationship and Pete and I want to work on working together something I should have mentioned but didn't doe to the fact I knew how Reddit would react is I'm asexual I am not in any way sexually attracted to my husband or anyone for that matter however I choose to have sex with him as

I know he enjoys it I still have a libido I just don't feel the need to have sex when I have sex with Jay rarely once every two-ish month it isn't a chore but more a more intimate cuddle Jay knows this and has known this our entire marriage in fact he was the one who helped me figure out I was asexual if this is hard for you to understand remember attraction choices asholes will be blocked with no reply honest questions can be answered so yeah that's my story I can take further questions in the comments

tldr we separated cried got back together are happy I got a promotion and we are all in therapy together and individually relevant comments comment one sorry I'm a bit confused are you guys a thruple minus the sex or did you get back together with Jay and accept he has sex with Pete also does that mean you now don't have to have sex with Jay out of obligation anymore because he's getting his needs met by Pete op me and Pete are not together I don't know if I will have sex with Jay again it's something I'm

working on in therapy how do I tell my host mom about her son's weird Behavior I feel like she won't believe me and I don't know what to do original post July 1st 2024 I never thought this would happen I cannot sleep tonight because of how helpless I feel in this situation I am an all pair I started at 19 went to Australia and took care of two little girls and I loved it after a year I came back home and went to college but I decided that I wanted to travel again because I'm interested

in teaching English abroad one day I met a really great family on an accredited website that I used last time for my alpair match I met a German family they really liked me and I really like them and the area I have always wanted to go to Germany so after about 3 months of talking and making sure there was no other family I wanted to go with more we went through with it now I am in Germany and I have been here for 2 months they have three children all boys including a one-year-old who is

the cutest thing on earth a 14-year-old who is friendly and sweet and a 17-year-old who I do not really provide much care for he kept to himself a lot and did not talk much with me which I did not mind because I'm mainly there for the two younger ones but some weird things started happening I began to notice that he started staring at me a lot whenever we were alone or even at family dinner he walks up to me at times and it sounds like he's asking me questions in German but I can't understand him

the oldest boys can speak English when I tell him I don't understand him he just walks away I asked his brother once what he asked and he said it was something bad and he's told his brother to stop but he won't listen then over these past two weeks he's made accidental contact with me sometimes he will brush up against me even when there's enough room for us to not bump into each other one or two times when this happened I felt something on my waist like his hand but I thought maybe it was an accident

now that they out of school We're alone at the house during the day while the parents work and sometimes when I'm playing with the baby he will come and play with the baby too but he will be very close to me like to the point where I have no personal space I have had to tell him a few times to give me space and his younger brother has even said the same thing still for some reason I thought maybe he was just shy before and was starting to get comfortable with me I did not want

to jump to conclusions or label him as anything so most of this I have let go I really like hanging out with the baby and playing board games and other activities with the 14-year-old he is a funny nice kid but the bad thing that really happened was yesterday the family went for a walk and I stayed behind because I had bad cramps the oldest boy also said he did not feel like walking so he stayed behind we were there alone and after they had left I tried to go to my room but he blocked me

I kept asking him to move but he kept blocking me the look on his face like he thought it was funny scared me he would not speak English with me when I kept asking him why he was doing this and at this point I felt scared and decided to walk the other way I was going to hide in a bathroom until the others came back but then he grabbed my arm and forced my body against his I do not know if it was a forced hug or what but I tried to pull away but he

reacted by tightening his grip so I just froze he let me go after a few seconds and just left the room when the family came back I went into my my room for the night because I felt like I would just start crying in front of them I do not know what I should do I feel ashamed that I could not fight him off and that I am literally being harassed by a boy so much younger than me I am scared to tell the host parents because I can tell they love their son a lot

and at the end of the day I am just a random girl that they have only known for 2 months I am torn because I love the younger two so much already and wanted to have a good time in Germany but this boy is acting so weird I do not know why he went from basically ignoring me to doing this I know that despite all of this I should probably try to talk to the host parents probably my host mom as I am more comfortable sharing this with her but I just do not know how

to bring that up how do I basically tell her that her son did something really weird to me I never thought I would have to do this or be in a situation like this and I need some help please too long didn't read I am an air one of the boys who I live with has consistently been doing weird things to me and yesterday he forced me into a hug I know I probably need to tell the host parents but I don't know what to even say I feel so helpless and alone right now update

July 3rd 2024 hello I posted not so long ago about a really bad situation I hope that it's okay for me to post an update even though it was removed I received a lot of people reaching out to me asking if I was okay and if I could provide an update so I wanted to give some closure in short I am an opair in Germany and was being harassed by my host parent son who is 17 years old he basically assaulted me and although it is still hard for me to come to full terms with

that word I now know that it was in fact what it was yesterday was my day off and after reading through everyone's advice I contacted my agency that morning I made sure to first get out of the house so no one would overhear me and to get away from the older boy the younger boy who was 14 years old asked me if he could go with me as I was going to the library and I did not mind taking him although technically he could go by himself I see older children walking around alone a lot

in Germany but he specifically kept asking to go with me and like I said before he is a really good kid to be around so I did not mind I was planning to go to a closed off area and make my phone calls while he went around looking for books but while we were walking to the library I could tell he wanted to say something after a while I asked if there was anything wrong and after a bit of a pause he asked me nervously if I was okay and if anything had happened yesterday he

said he was wondering why he did not see me at all anymore after they came back home I did not say anything at first because I did not want to tell him inappropriate information I told him I just had bad cramps which was true and wanted to sleep but he is a smart kid and I think he knew because he asked if it was because of his older brother when I did not say anything as I was so caught off guard by his questions he asked if I was leaving he honestly looked so sad he

said he was sorry and that he hoped I did not have a bad impression of Germany now I almost cried because of how depressed he sounded I told him not to worry about it and that it had nothing to do with Germany him or the baby and that I would be okay so I finally contacted my agency when we arrived at the library I was so nervous that I was shaking when I made the call but they were amazing and took everything I was saying seriously I just told them that the oldest child was making

me feel unsafe and in vague terms what happened without going into too much detail they understood thankfully what I meant and told me that they would work on replacing me if that's what I wanted they also said they would reach out to the family to let them know of what was happening and of my concern with their son I then called my mom being a mother after I told her everything that had happened she yelled at me a little not in an abusive way but for not telling her sooner and told me very sternly that

I was not going back to that house tonight even being an adult I don't argue with my mom when she uses that type of tone she sounded so frantic and sent me money to stay at a hotel for a while until they found me a new placement even though she really just wanted me to come home I felt a lot better after talking to her after a while the younger boy came back over and told me very plainly I am going to tell Mom he would not listen to me when I told him not to

or not to put himself in that situation I can handle it he seemed very angry he tried to reassure me that his parents would listen and that they know that older brother causes trouble sometimes they had another girl a few years ago that left because of him and everyone thought maybe since he'd grown up and changed it would be different I stayed at the library while he went home and jut waited I did not know what was going to happen I already had a hotel booked by then and knew I would probably need to go

back to get my stuff about an hour and a half later I left the library since the parents were at home today I felt somewhat safe going back to get my stuff before I got back I received a call it was from my host mom when I answered she was very frantic she asked me if I was okay and where I was when I got to the house the parents were in somewhat of an argument I didn't understand all of it because they went between German in English but I heard some words like not again

and ruining in short the mother pulled me aside she said that she wasn't aware that the oldest son was still like this she begged me not to leave she told me she wanted her two youngest sons to have healthy attachments to their caregivers and that it was very hard for them to do this with the oldest she was actually crying during all of this and told me she doesn't know why he acts like that but she did not raise him like that and that while she loved her son she was not going to tolerate that

behavior anymore she said that once he turns 18 next week I had no idea his birthday was next week he will have to go live with his Uncle and Cousin in the Netherlands for the sake of everyone in the house she told me they the parents discusted it a bit when the first incident happened but since he seemed to act better they dropped it at the time when I asked where he was she said that he left quickly when his brother came home saying he was going to a friend's house he probably will not be

back and she said that even if he does she will not let him in and will tell him to go to his aunts who lives not that far until he can go to the Netherlands she actually looked very sincere and Stern when she said this and even though the father looked like he was in shock he agreed with what she said I did not know how to respond to them it was not the reaction I was expecting but I wanted to be honest I told her that I was going to stay at a hotel for

a while and that she would probably hear from the agency I told her that I love the two younger boys but I might not be back she said she understood but would appreciate it if I at least thought about it for a day or two before I left I hugged the baby and the 14-year-old goodbye so that is what happened I am safe in the hotel now I didn't at all expect that reaction from them I felt almost sick with worry when I wrote my first post of not being believed but even though the oldest

boy probably won't be back and will eventually be forced to leave I still feel the effect effect of what happened lingering I still feel vulnerable and overwhelmed when I even think about what happened I feel so bad for the younger children I'm not sure if I should go back or not she told me to think about it I will give it some time and see what my agency says first about other placements I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me through something really difficult but I am safe now in this hotel and am not

going to rush back into any situation without thinking over my options and asking for my mom's opinion thank you once again too long didn't read I contacted my agency and Mom both listened and took me seriously I am now safe in a hotel and am waiting for my agency to get back with me on possible placements my mom is helping support me financially and emotionally while I wait the host parents find out about what happened the 14 yo told them and reacted in a way I did not expect they are begging me to stay saying

that the oldest boy will be sent to live with relatives for his Behavior once he turns 18 I am not sure if I will go back although I miss the younger two I am going to wait until my agency gets back with me first before taking next steps thank you to everyone who reached out and helped me added comments commenter as a German this post infuriates me first of all therapy is free here it sounds like the parents did absolutely nothing when this happened for the first time they just hoped and thought their son got

better secondly the the fact that they just want to get rid of their son by pushing him onto someone else instead of wanting him to face actual consequences like going to the police with OP is also infuriating German police aren't perfect but my own experiences with them have been genuinely good and I want to encourage op to go to the police lastly the parents are trying to make op stay in a house where she was assaulted that alone is so utterly toned deaf that it's hard to believe sorry Netherlands op yeah I've officially made up

my mind that I'm not going back there it hurts because I do love the younger children so much I hope they will be okay the kids I watch become a part of me in a way I still keep in contact with the family from Australia and the younger ones here really seemed comfortable around me the mom even said they usually aren't as open at first with new people like they were with me I might still keep the host mom's contact info just to see if I can check up on them every now and then purely

for that purpose now that I'm really reflecting on it it was a little strange that she still wanted me to stay after what happened I thought maybe for my mental health she would encourage me to leave but I think she is desperate for an air since they work a lot it's amazing that therapy is free I will suggest to the host mom that maybe the 14-year-old might need someone to talk to I made sure to tell him that I was not abandoning him and he seemed to understand he is very levelheaded for his age I

know he will continue to grow into an even more amazing young adult as he gets older he told me he wouldn't forget me and he would tell his baby brother about me a lot so he will always remember too it's also good to hear about the police I always worry about being a foreign girl and not being taken seriously in another country I am going to reach out to the Weiser ring like another poster suggested and see if they can help me in that aspect I feel bad for the people that might encounter him in

the Netherlands but I heard they don't play around there so I hope he gets some sense into him soon but there are vulnerable girls and women everywhere so it does leave me with a sad feeling op makes another update in the comments to give an update I spoke with the agency sometime earlier today and asked them if there have been other a paars with his family they said this is their first time placing someone with the family and if another opair was with the family before it was probably through another agency but they had no

knowledge of this and when they interviewed the family was told this was was a new experience for them I am thinking maybe the other girl was through another agency there are a few of them I'm not sure that all alair agencies can see each other's networks but they said they will look further into it they told me that for now they will not be placing any new girls with this family so that gave me some peace of mind op makes another update in the comments to give an update I spoke with the agency sometime earlier

today and asked them if there have been other aairs with his family they they said this is their first time placing someone with the family and if another opair was with the family before it was probably through another agency but they had no knowledge of this and when they interviewed the family was told this was a new experience for them I am thinking maybe the other girl was through another agency there are a few of them I'm not sure that all op pair agencies can see each other's networks but they said they will look further

into it they told me that for now they will not be placing any new girls with this family so that gave me some peace of mind would I be the [ __ ] for telling my boyfriend that him being a trump supporter gives me the ick hi y'all new account because I don't really want anybody connecting this with me I 20f started dating my boyfriend 21m about 2ish months ago we've known each other for approximately 3 years we weren't initially interested in dating but it kind of just happened and things have been really well except

for one thing I found out he's a trump supporter now before you lecture me in the comments about how I shouldn't let politics get in the way of my relationship please hear me out it's just been a couple of things that have really rubbed me the wrong way about him for some reason for context I am a Hispanic female immigrant fled from a country where if I can put it in simplest terms went to [ __ ] who's had nothing but bad experiences with Trump supporters because almost every single time without fail they would always

say or do something extremely demeaning to myself or my family talking about how people like us should be deported without even realizing they are referring to us saying that people like me are a threat to the country [ __ ] shaming etc etc I consider myself the kind of person who judges a person's character based on what they believe in and time and time again it's been proved to me that these types of people are the type I should stay away from on the day that Trump got convicted we started talking about politics and he

told me that he's not really a felon the courts were unfair there was bias and he should have had a fair trial not exactly verbatim but that's pretty much the point he made when I told him that Trump was a felon now when we were watching the boys S4 and that one part where an old man was explaining to Newman that women can reject pregnancies he agreed with that old man when I explained to him that that's not how women work he apologized to me but I was still absolutely surprised that he didn't even understand

such a basic thing about women he has a sister so it's not like he grew up without women in his life we had a conversation about immigration and he told me that all immigrants should be immediately deported I told him that myself and my family are immigrants and if that meant he wanted us to be deported to which he said but you guys are legal I'm talking about the illegal ones I told him that this type of rhetoric makes me feel unsafe and the conversation kind of just ended there when we were having a conversation

about the Trump Epstein relationship he told me that it was all a conspiracy and that Trump isn't the type of person to do that I brought up a bunch of examples of trump being a predator the [ __ ] Grabber stuff heckling a 10-year-old the creepy comments about his daughter the flight logs making the point that while being Guilty by a Association isn't a thing the other instances of him being a predator make this seem a lot more plausible he told me that Trump never did any of that and in a way that kind of

broke the camels back for me because I myself am a victim of sexual assault and the nasty thought occurred to me that if I ever got assaulted he probably wouldn't even believe me that he is standing behind someone I consider a rapist means that he condones Trump's actions and by extension the actions of the man who assaulted me I don't know how he who grew up with women and has a girlfriend who he is fully aware of is Hispanic and an immigrant has lgbtq plus friends and states that he loves people like me and his

family can even stand behind something like that it makes me wonder if there's a side of him that he hasn't revealed to me yet because this is a new relationship and that makes me extremely uncomfortable I'm asking if I WBT for telling him that this gives me the I because my own family is telling me that I shouldn't let politics get in the way of my relationship that Trump wants people to fight each other and that I shouldn't let Trump win but I really don't know can I get some advice relevant comments catp matologist NTA

he may be speaking out of brainwashed ignorance but even after offering your perspective he tells you that you're wrong if you stay with him you will never stop having to educate this guy and he doesn't really want to be educated op yeah I can agree with that every time I invite him to do his own research he'll always pull up a pro Trump article and use it as evidence that I'm wrong or ask me multiple times where I'm getting my resources until I doubt myself self he's been asking me to promise that we wouldn't let

our differences in beliefs cause problems in our relationship and I feel like I'm being babied a bit it's been really stressing me out because aside from that he's really nice to me and a lot of my family is excited about meeting him and his family breaking up with him after I just announced I was dating him would cause even more problems for me but the more I think about it the more I realize that it will probably be for the better I think I'm okay with carrying through with it I'll talk to him when I

see him later I'm not really excited about it because we go to the same school update hey y'all update here I didn't really expect my last post to blow up or for people to tell me that this is a justifiable reason for ending a relationship so thank you for not being judgmental a lot of people were asking me what country my family came from so I'll just say it since I don't think that's identifiable information it's Venezuela if you don't know what's happening there then I envy you also shout out to those PPL who thought

this was AI generated I find it kind of sad that this has pretty much become the state of Reddit now like if you think something's AI just don't engage with it that's what people who post AI want from you don't let them win now on to the update I spent the last couple of days with my dad who was visiting me and deleting social media and muting a bunch of politics related stuff because I've come to realize that regularly listening to people talk about how people like me ruin the country and how we don't belong

here isn't really good for my mental health and neither is dating someone who openly admits to supporting that group so I talked to now X BF I went to his room instead of inviting him to mine because I knew that if I let him in my room he would just refuse to leave until he convinced me and I wanted to keep the power of removing myself from the situation at any time we live in a college dorm firstly I should say that I admitted to him on the day that I made my first post that

him supporting a known rapist is hurtful to me because him tolerating that behavior makes me question if he's tolerant of the POS who assaulted me and thus I see him in a different light and he sent a very long text message just telling me that it hurt his feelings and that he does care about me being essayed I didn't really understand though because he votes for a pisk say Grabber it boiled down to I feel terrible that you see me as the type of person who'd be okay with rape because I'm not okay with it

I acknowledge that I might have been an ah to say that so I started that conversation by apologizing to him and then following with me just telling him that I want to end the relationship and going back to being friends I don't think I meant the friends part though you can't have your cake and eat it I can't can't be your friend if you affiliate yourself with a group of people who regularly [ __ ] on me he tried to convince me to stay by saying that he really loved me and cared about me and

respected my opinions that we shouldn't let politics get in the way of our relationship I responded that I can't change what he believes and that I value a person's beliefs in the group of people they associate with as a method of how I judge their character I've already judged him I don't like what I see and therefore I've lost my feelings for him he told me I was making a generalization I told him that while it is true that I might be making a generalization we can't change the fact that in this landscape of politics

many of my rights are in the chopping block and that I'm already starting to resent him for not really feeling listened to when I try to talk about how anxious it's making me he told me that none of that stuff is going to happen and that our different opinions shouldn't get in the way of our relationship that he's voting for T asterisk ump because he thinks he can fight inflation and cares about military members I told him that while I can lost a million reasons why that isn't true that isn't relevant to the convers ation

he then said that all his other relationships never consisted of talking about politics and that this was ridiculous I pretty much told him that he can't have his cake and eat it I can't date someone who Associates with people who give me trouble and that this won't be sustainable ending is better for the both of us I realized that this conversation was going nowhere and decided to just leave I told him to just give up on it already before leaving he kept asking me to stay while he thought about what to say but I didn't

I'm just done I don't really feel sad I feel so relieved I'm going to leave social media for a while and just focus on myself for a while I'm going to therapy too I'll Stick Around to read your comments IDK how much longer I'll be able to respond though if I go radio silent then just take that as a sign that I'm no longer on this app have a nice day relevant comments M Dennis 1,974 NTA you don't break up with him because he gives you the ick his support of a racist and homophobic conv

victed felon does not align with your values it's not a quirky little thing like disagreeing on a choice of music or what team to root for in a game BDW he may claim to have all these diverse friends but I can assure you that they do not consider him their friend with views like this anyone in your family's opinion about your relationship does not matter here they aren't dating him you are the fact that you point out to him how you are an immigrant too and that doesn't seem to register at all to him honey

he's an Ault there's no saving him op you pretty much summed up my exact thoughts on why his gay friend doesn't want to hang out with him anymore I found out recently that there's a bit of a rift in their relationship and I didn't even start thinking about why until I learned more about him gosh everyone's Burning Bridges change my view muting mics during Biden Trump debates May unintentionally disadvantage Biden by masking Trump's interruptions and disrupting Biden's responses Biden and Trump are scheduled to debate a lot of people are praising this as a win generally

but especially for Biden because it will stop Trump from interrupting Biden during his responses I do not think that is right in fact I believe muting the microphones will benefit Trump much more than Biden muting someone's microphone when it is not their turn to respond does not stop interruptions it only stops the audience from hearing it consider this Biden is answering a question posed to him meanwhile Trump is talking and rambling over Biden if Biden gets distracted by this this as any reasonable person would then this could very easily throw off Biden's response however to

the wider audience who cannot hear Trump's interruptions it will simply look like Biden is stammering stuttering or otherwise too old especially in an era where sound bites and Tick Tock Drive political perceptions this could end up looking really bad for Biden I realize Biden could also employ this kind of tactic but it is simply not his debate style Trump's debate Style on the other hand and is very suited for this kind of tactic there could be ways to mitigate this though part of the debate rules could include a requirement that both candidates are visible at

all times like in a picture and picture format or the two could be physically separated like being televised in different rooms however I think that on its own the rule to mute microphones for the person not responding will mostly benefit Trump in the debates I would like to believe that the political debates are as Fair as possible so please change my view edit this was fun I appreciate all the discussions well maybe not all of them but most of them I have given out a few Deltas based on the discussions firstly past debates have shown

both candidates on screen for the vast majority of the time even when only one candidate is responding to a debate prompt while I still think the overall effect of a muted microphone could benefit Trump more I recognize that this fact does mitigate some of the impact on Biden addition Al muted microphones would introduce a new debate format and the interruptions would be more akin to the disruptions Biden experienced during the State of the Union although I still believe the overall impact favors Trump seeing that Biden can react better under pressure when he is the only

one with the microphone provides evidence that the risk to Biden is not as significant as I originally thought furthermore Trump's ego might not allow him to take advantage of the muted microphones or it may even irritate him to the point that the audience sees Trump reac negatively to being muted while I am fairly sure Trump can hold himself together better than this scenario suggests I concede it was not something I had considered originally ultimately we will have to wait and see how the debates unfold to truly understand the impact of these new rules thank you

everyone for the engaging discussions ultimately we will just have to wait and see for ourselves thank you everyone moreover Biden and Trump have agreed to debates on June 27th and September 10th on Wednesday Trump's campaign also called for two additional debates one in July and another in August the former president later posted on Truth social that he would accept a Fox News debate on October 2nd Biden's campaign did not confirm that the president would attend any debates other than those hosted by CNN and ABC News first why are you so sure that Trump rambling off

on the side is going to throw off Biden you treat it like it is a guarantee when nothing suggests Biden even has a tendency to be thrown off by side comments your entire premise is based on something that has never happened and there is no evidence that it would happen so no I do not think this style of debate actually benefits Trump additionally this strikes me as something easily anticipated and prepared for Biden had little issue dealing with this behavior from Trump last time and his team can easily prepare for this part of the debate

pre this goar around if anyone on Biden's team had thought this would be a hindrance to his performance they would not have included it in his list of demands for the debate moreover the interruption thing annoys me yes Trump interrupted a lot more but it is usually stated as if Trump was the only one interrupting for example the final debate saw Trump interrupting 34 times and Biden interrupting 17 times not counting a word or so thrown in that did not interrupt anything but multiple words that were trying to talk over the other that microphone shut

off is needed for both candidates furthermore you have already received enough answers about your concern I would like to highlight why your concern just does not hold enough weight the debates are pure trash we all know that the network airing the debate is not going to ask any real questions does it matter if they argue about a nonsensical question what percentage of Americans are undecided but will vote what percentage of those live in a state where their vote counts 5% less who is this debate for having the internet ask questions and then selecting the questions

based on up votes would solve the first issue kind of however they would be answering questions about aliens and reparations so not exactly the second issue would be a great question to ask but we know that is not going to happen and we know nothing is going to change we also know politicians are the best of the best at talking without saying anything we might as well have a debate with Joel Ausin and Ken Copeland at least those two do not have dementia in closing this exercise is pointless I am still going to watch though

I have to admit all this press Trump has been getting for losing his marbles is fascinating I am pretty sure it is just the democrat's way of deflecting Biden's faculties but it is worth a couple of hours to see if they are digressing similarly or if it is a one-horse race in addition politics in the modern age is rarely about changing anyone's mind about the issues instead it is about motivating them to come out and vote or making rebuttal to reasons the other side uses to try to discourage votes basically turnout is everything debates will

of course only motivate the kind of people that watch debates but that is non-trivial and even a percent is huge responding to this I hear what you are saying and on principle I would agree however I think we have enough evidence to prove they do not care about people coming out to vote somehow Reddit has forgotten exactly how the Bernie ordeal went people on here seem to be convinced he did not have a chance to win that is absolutely false if the Democrats really wanted to win they would have given him the nomination this year

if either party wanted to win they would have pushed other candidates but they cannot because they are all getting paid by big money to keep the status quo they cannot let someone up there who is going to make sense talk about facts and focus on the big issues everybody would vote for them every change they would make would cost big money billions of dollars the rich have a strangle hold on our economy and they love it every major problem we have is Big money's fault any correction would negatively impact the rich they are not going

to let that happen and the politicians they pay are no different the rich are paying both sides of the aisle they do not care which candidate you vote for they win either way vote do not vote where and Andrew Yang Alexandria okazi corz or Bernie t-shirt try and talk Mark Cuban into running or John Stewart it will not matter they will never allow it to happen at this point striking and boycotting are the only tools we have that could work my guess is they would come down on us like we are Gaza if we tried

additionally I was really with you up until you mentioned dementia so I am just going to choose to ignore that because we will not agree on that I do agree though that the debates are not great however with the system we have now and the level of Engagement with eligible voters sometimes having a debate to help Drive voters perception of you is important it sucks but it is all we have right now until there is a significant cultural shift in how eligible voters view political participation a sort of AMA for each candidate is interesting but

it does not carry the same punch that a debate has I imagine the AMA for lack of a better descriptor not that it would necessarily be on Reddit or something would be similar to a virtual Town Hall style debate which we have seen plent of and they do not carry the same level of weight that a debate can for the Casual undecided voter furthermore it would still be a debate I am just saying NBC could read the questions that citizens submit and always ask the questions with the most up votes instead of reading the questions

their advertisers submit which is exactly what we get now I am not following you on the dementia thing have you not heard the news about Trump having issues are you unfamiliar with Biden's issues would Alzheimer's work better for you moreover assuming Biden has not declined too much from age which he does not seem to have then he is still a highly trained public speaker and debater I am nowhere near that level of training and do not find it difficult to tune someone out if I am talking so I would find it difficult to assume most

people as trained as Biden would struggle at all especially for people who use tactics like the Trump team does morality ethics and politics aside the Trump team beautifully exploits Human Social weaknesses to such a ruthless extent flooding your mind with every form of Gish Gallop is a very common tactic for them and you would be at a loss to lose a single drop of attention to it an opponent continuing to quietly ramble during your turn needs to be ignored for similar reasons if the audience cannot hear it anyway you do not need to respond to

it and you should not waste time even processing the audio as it is likely to only result in a loss of quality to your own arguments granted this es on Biden just taking what would otherwise be an easy counter however Trump is a master Troll and comedian and probably one of the hardest people in human history to ignore I cannot exactly vote for Trump since the Republicans are actively calling for my death and I still have to give him major credit for his tactics and being able to play the apparent Fool For example people laugh

at him for so many bankruptcies but he is probably thrilled with the overall results and as far as I know has not tried to argue against the perception of his in confidence there which for as often as he broadcasts his insecurities it should be very telling how he feels about the reality so often even into his old age as it has become less of a choice because of that I think I partially agree with you I doubt anyone else is willing to and could really pull off a significant off-mic distraction in the middle of a

presidential debate as well as Trump could now I am much more interested in the debate just to watch Trump's tactics when he is muted and how Biden handles it lastly nothing will stop interruptions Biden already needs to prepare for that so there is no change in that regard whether the microphone is off or on Trump will try to interrupt and affect Biden however if the microphone is off Trump cannot interrupt the audience from hearing Biden whether he stays calm or not the audience will only hear him responding and will only see Trump trying to interrupt

him that is a benefit for Biden as it makes it easier to ignore Trump knowing that nothing he says is actually reaching the audience what is more the fact that Trump cannot be heard by the audience may bring another benefit he may get triggered enough to do something foolish trying to come and talk to Biden's microphone trying to scream loud enough to be heard all of that will be a positive outcome for Biden highlight comments to begin with one sentence in the post States especially in an era where sound bites and Tik toks Drive political

perceptions this could end up looking really bad for Biden to this one comment responds I do not know the will you shut up man is a classic the original poster agrees but they argue that addressing interruptions could potentially look weird to the audience additionally addressing the interruption would take time away from Biden's response and the fact that Biden would still have to address the interruption means he has to prepare for that which takes away time to prepare for other issues when asked why would he need to address it the original poster responds with a good

question they clarify that addressing the interruption could take any number of forms such as actually responding to what Trump says or even just taking a moment to pause to reather thoughts because the interruption threw off his train of thought they assume that all interruptions get addressed in some way meaning that when an interruption is created the person being interrupted is no longer able to Simply carry on with their response as if nothing happened there is always a little bit of a distraction that manifests physically such as a pause or even a facial reaction a reply

to this comment adds there were a few things that came out of that one stand back and standby too another reply States no one who was not already completely Pro Biden was impressed by that moreover part of Trump's way of debating includes getting a gotcha moment in those types of debates and it will be harder for him to get those moments a reply to this comment suggests he is going to complain his free speech is being violated once they turn his microphone back on another reply adds if he wants to spend his microphone time complaining

that is less time for him to actually address the questions asked a third reply states you have to stop conceiving of such people as capable of being rescued by outside forces they are the only ones who can free themselves of the cult if they choose to the only thing the rest of us can do is stop pretending cultists are serious people with a coherent political Outlook and focus on moving less entrenched voters one step further towards sanity and caring about governing on policy concerns instead of just Vice signaling buzzwords the original poster responds that is

a reasonable take but still I am not so confident that this rebalances the equation and that the negative impact on Biden is still greater than the negative impact on Trump you might be able to convince me if we dive into this further to answer this someone explains that Trump's debate tactic is to confuse the other parties and push his own agenda while cutting the other candidates to get good publicity and clips spread over the internet of how he owned the other side they see the microphone mute as a disadvantage because he will not be able

to cut Biden during his points which will allow Biden to pass his points clearly Biden is more like a debater who comes with prepared points while Trump adds stuff along the way which benefits from open microphones as they can be delivered in the moment additionally another comment or questions why are you so sure that Trump rambling off on the side is going to throw off Biden you treat it like it is a guarantee when nothing suggests Biden even has a tendency to be thrown off by side comments your entire premise is based on something that

has never happened and there is no evidence that it would happen so no I do not think this style of debate actually benefits Trump the original poster replies I mean these two have already had multiple debates together with Biden getting thrown off by Trump's interruptions several times a link on YouTube I will update it in the comment below there is my evidence do you have any evidence contrary to to this someone responds you are comparing being talked over by someone else with a live microphone versus being thrown off by someone chirping on the sideline in

your earshot those are apples and oranges if you want a more apt comparison then use Biden's response to being heckled at the State of the Union that is what you are suggesting is going to throw Biden off his game not Trump with a live microphone interrupting Biden a reply to this States because Biden is a stumbling fool even when he has a teleprompter and a captive audience he is going to be a mess whether there are interruptions or not pure comedy if he was not the leader of the Free World it is really elder abuse

at this point furthermore another comment observes this strikes me as something easily anticipated and prepared for Biden had little issue dealing with this behavior from Trump last time and his team can easily prepare for this part of the debate prep this go around if anyone on Biden's team had thought this would be a hindrance to his performance perance they would not have included it in his List of Demands for the debate a reply to this asserts bro you are talking about the same Biden team that has messed everything up in a row for four years

straight yeah I do not think they think things through as well as you would expect even in the 2020 election Biden did not win as much as Trump lost people were already hating everything about the guy and would choose anyone over him that someone became Biden because his slowness and lack of awareness awareness was a strength when put with Trump he did not get pissed and react as much as Trump wished he did because he did not understand what was going on to begin with he was not prepared to win he simply had insane weaknesses

that paired well with Trump's style all Trump has to do is make adjustments Biden is going to do it exactly the same as in 2020 because that was just him being him slow and forgetful also Trump has shown he can learn very well from the past while Biden has persistently ignored it in every policy decision and discussion I mean the guy is a vegetable I do not know why people give him and his team so much credit that is why many people always underestimate Trump simultaneously Democrats have made the exact same mistakes that they did

in 2016 with regard to Trump they have fallen into his trap all the same their efforts have backfired just like they did in 2016 because they are the same exact efforts so no I do not think it is reasonable to have much expectation from Biden's team in this election orever the original poster responds sure but even if Biden is prepared for the interruptions the microphone rule does not prevent the interruptions from happening Biden could be just as prepared for interruptions with microphones muted or not the point is that muting the microphones does not stop the

interruptions I hesitate to accept that because they asked for it it must be good political mistakes and miscalculations are made all the the time it certainly strengthens the case for Biden's team but it is not sufficient to change my view on its own merits another person elaborates the microphone rule does not prevent the interruptions from happening means they stop the television audience from hearing said interruptions if Biden is prepped so said interruptions do not disrupt his flow which his team could easily make part of the debate prep then having the microphones muted provides only disadvantages

to Trump I hesitate to accept that because they asked for it it must be good means fair but given that the people supporting Biden are some of the top political strategist in the Democratic party it is fair to give them the benefit of the doubt on decisions unlike 2016 where Clinton did not correctly prepare for how Trump would behave Trump is a known quantity now the Biden Camp knows how he will try to debate and that is going to be part of any debate strategy they develop we saw it in 2020 the most iconic moment

was Biden's will you shut up man the Biden Camp knows what to expect and will undoubtedly have that be a major part of their planning if I had to pick your or my judgment on how to best structure the debates versus theirs I would pick theirs every time am I the a for insisting my son call his grandmother Mrs Smith instead of grandma because she refuses to accept me as family original post September 3rd 2020 my relationship with my mother-in-law Mrs Smith is crap she's cold to me because I kept my last name Miller she

says I'll treat her like family when she wants to be part of it she calls me Jake's friend my husband Jake loves me all the same he doesn't bother standing up to her because it's a way for her to start a fight we rarely talk to her she makes no effort neither do we Jake and I had discussed whose last name our kid would have prior to the birth he initiated the conversation I'd left the decision up to him after the birth the families visited the hospital Jake asked what our son's last name was going

to be I told him it was still his choice he smiled and said little baby Miller I like it he filled out the paperwork mother-in-law looked livid she started asking questions but my dad started crying both of my brothers have died dad has never mentioned it but I know passing the last name down makes him happy neither Jake nor I anticipated this nor did it for this reason but it was sweet all the same after she left mother-in-law let people know what I had done and how now she wouldn't feel like a grandmother a month

later a sister-in-law announced her pregnancy mother-in-law said finally I'll feel like a grandmother again my husband didn't say anything neither did I our son started talking during a video call where my mother-in-law did nothing but gush about sister-in-law's daughter who is adorable Jake was trying to get the baby to talk son lost interest I took son and Jake let mother-in-law ramble some more before ending the call mother-in-law said she wanted to say bye to son Jake turned the phone mother-in-law said say bye to Grandma make son say it I'm Grandma now I snapped inside so

I said say bye Mrs Smith my mother-in-laws face dropped Jake turned the camera away and said bye quickly he laughed said I was awesome but we better put our phones on silent the only call to text I responded to was the other sister-in-law who said I didn't need to go out of my way to be nasty that mother-in-law went around saying how excited she was about son lie that her initial comments were understandable because I talked Jake out of tradition I did not and that I'd hurt mother-in-law mother-in-law needed time to adjust I said thank

you for your input mother-in-law texted eventually saying I'd really upset her I said here I was trying to respect the importance you feel to last names you've said multiple times I'm not family because of my last name you made it more than clear that's the reason my child doesn't make you feel like a grandma now you'll be known as Mrs Smith she said sorry she didn't mean it that way but that my Dad's reaction was an example of how important last names are I now had to forgive her because of my family it made me

angrier that she brought my dad into this and I can't tell if I'm being the [ __ ] or not edit thank you again to everyone who gave Awards it was very kind of you and I do appreciate it Jake is home and I had him read the post some of you really cracked him up some made good points which we have discussed apparently he also got a text from his sister and asked how much money she got from mother-in-law for telling me off he also made sure to tell sister-in-law who had the baby that

we hold nothing against her should mother-in-law try to spin it that way she knows mother-in-law better Jake would also like to tell those who are telling me I should take his name that he disagrees and he's not about the sexism you're spewing though he does now want to send mother-in-law a Christmas card from of The Millers edit too you guys are being great I woke up to many more responses than I anticipated thank you just to clarify my son will not be calling mother-in-law Mrs Smith they barely have a relationship as he's still a baby

and mother-in-law makes no effort after some discussion Jake is going to take time to figure out what he wants from mother-in-law and if he thinks that's possible relevant comments commenter one can I just say your marriage sounds great the way you wanted the baby's last name to be his choice and he chose yours there's so much love and respect here also I like how he stands by your side in his mother's nonsense you both are awesome not the aop I just assumed our son would have his he brought it up he said it was fair

since I was doing all the work he said if he pushed a human out of him he'd want to put his name on it which makes me laugh I still let it be his choice because regardless of his name I'm going to love this kid if we have a second I may insist they get his last name seems fair I am a very lucky woman but it should be noted he wears his gross shoes through the house so not perfect but he says I sleep like an MMA fighter so I suppose we're even op responds

to a comment that answers many points here I don't see a reason why you were angry when she told you about your father's reaction seems a pretty valid point the importance that the last name has for your father in her this observation doesn't excuse her actions but still a good point I mean for what you have said seems like your dad would have made some nasty comments but his crying shows how important it is for some people mother-in-law divorced the man whose last name she took it wasn't even her original name and she has another

son who's going to have kids my husband wasn't her only option and my father lost two sons my Dad's reaction comes from a very different emotional place and frankly he knew he wasn't entitled to it he simply appreciates it even father-in-law didn't care and again this decision was made by my husband with my full support why isn't she mad at him I'm not sure if this is how you should say it taste of her own medicine it was a good move to show her how unrespectful she was doing the same and calling her by her

last name was a good move indeed but now that she is taking account ability I think that's the word it would be a jerk move to keep calling her in that way maybe you can use this to put boundaries to her actions so it would be smart to get an agreement instead of keeping the last name War I'm not going to keep calling her that I'm currently discussing with my husband what we should do verdict not the [ __ ] update October 23rd 2020 Jake and I appreciated all the support though Jake wants the direct

Messengers to know that he's okay with me taking his balls because he loses everything anyway this brought him a good chuckle before the serious talk we both also want to be very clear that taking his name was never on the table nor does he care I also want to say I know how great Jake is though since the post he's been demanding I thank the world's best husband anytime he does something for me his humor is my favorite part of him because it's his mom I let him decide how to handle it we both agreed

that our son would obviously know mother-in-law as his grandma but he wouldn't have a relationship with her unless she addressed the blatant favoritism that conversation did not go well she denied having favorites lied about pretty much everything then told me the compromise she was willing to make was that if she had to accept me for who I am being that I kept that name I'd have to accept her for who she is I didn't respond before Jake ripped into her about how she didn't get to make demands that she was critical of me assume things

that he already told her weren't true that this conversation was happen happening because we didn't accept who she was he said if he ever heard her make another comment about the Miller last name he'd take it she started crying about losing her family and he hung up one sister-in-law who is mother-in-law's favorite child sent me a nasty message including the line I wonder if your dead brother would be happy if you used him to break mother-in-law's heart I sent the screenshot to mother-in-law and said call off your dog or I'll take her to the pound

I have sent a screenshot of that to anyone who has tried to question me if they tried to defend mother-in-law or sister-in-law I blocked them word got around quickly about this and now sister-in-law is all but cut out of father-in-law's side of the family even father-in-law has come down on her hard sister-in-law is desperately trying to apologize and fix this she even allowed Jake to read everything mother-in-law sent to her about my last name I tried to read some of it but stopped I don't want to be angry I'm taking time to decide how to

handle this I am happy to be done with mother-in-law she never really bothered me it does take a lot to get to me but I don't want her behavior and attitudes being normalized with my son I wasn't prepared for motherhood to have such a strong effect Jake did admit he gave son my last name for my dad years ago my dad asked if Jake was going to propose to me Jake said if my dad wanted to know he would give him a heads up but he wouldn't ask for his Blessing or permission in many more

words dad said he never had had any expectations of that he didn't worry about gender roles though he was glad he would gain a son again Jake didn't feel obligated he just wanted to do that for my dad sincerely thank you all edit hey everyone I did not expect to wake up to the amount of messages I did I appreciate them all Jake takes both the compliments and the insults as do why I also want to clear up some questions yes this is real but I'm not going to prove Pro that mother-in-law took father-in-law's name

they are divorced they have two daughters and two sons brother-in-law intends to have children and will pass on the Smith name sister-in-law has a daughter who has sister-in-law's husband's name sister-in-law also took his name the youngest sister-in-law is the one who sent the text I'm not going to apologize for how I spoke to mother-in-law after she encouraged her daughter to use my brother like that there is text proof that mother-in-law did this sister-in-law showed Jake I have no intentions on seeking therapy or a relationship with either of them and that's the most that can be

asked of me in this upset state if when we have a second child I always intended for them to get Jake's last name Jake knows and is cool with it Jake is willing to be called by my last name but I doubt he'll actually change it neither of us is willing to do paperwork out of spite either yes I still cry remembering my dad crying about this I always assumed Jake did this for this reason he really is a great man relevant comments commenter to you've got yourself a great husband not a lot of people

could stand their ground like he did good luck to both of you and your little son op he's always been able to stand up for himself I won't say it didn't get to him especially what his sister did but he just runs it out he may also make himself a world's best husband t-shirt if he sees more compliments but he does deserve it and thank you commenter three would he consider changing his name to Miller or would that just pour more gasoline on the fire op yes he would but he tries not to let anger

make his decisions I also don't think he would because of the paperwork required and he does everything he can to avoid it including bribing me to do it commenter for that line call your dog off or I'll take her to the pound so bloody good op I didn't mean it violently either just keep your yapping dog in your yard or I'll make it someone else's problem sister-in-law is still yapping just more whiny now I don't think she realized her family would draw a line in the sand the majority aren't necessarily taking our side but it's

clear they're staying out of it because defending her isn't really an option commenter five I'm glad op and her husband feel at peace but Jesus [ __ ] Christ they need to go NC with the Mother-in-law before she can damage their child with her favoritism of the other grandchild and her General unhinged pettiness commenter 6 100% unless mother-in-law's Behavior takes a complete 180 op's kid will notice the favoritism and it will hurt I can say from experience my dad's sister was the favorite Child and by extension her kid ended up being the favorite grandchild and

my nana wasn't shy about it my other grandmother actually took her aside at one point and told her that I wasn't stupid and eventually I'd be old enough to notice the blatant favoritism and choose how I wanted to deal deal with it sure enough I got to age 16 and sent my nana my prom photos on messenger she ignored them completely not even a you looked great message while at the same time posting my cousin's prom photos all over Facebook talking about how beautiful she was I blocked her and I haven't bothered speaking to her

in the eight years since it was the straw that broke the camels back after a decade and a half of my cousin getting better presence dictating all our outings getting her way with tantrums and being automatically believed when she would get me in trouble for things she did commenter 7even same thing with my grandmother she treated my dad's sister's children so much better than us she was awful to us growing up while treating them like princesses it's funny now how much she has changed her ways now that we are all grown and she finally realized

that my cousins are [ __ ] it's a bit too late now she needed to treat us better as children not pretend all is well now that we are all in our late 40s and 50s