Elf Pitch Meeting

so you have a movie for me yes sir I do it's called Elf oh smart Lord of the Rings is super hot right now so who's this tall goodlooking elf man I was thinking that loud SNL guy will Ferell what yes he it actually has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings it's a Christmas movie oh he's a Christmas elf well kind of see he was a baby at an orphanage being cared for by this old nun and then he sneaks into Santa's bag and ends up in the North Pole so Santa just headed

directly to the North Pole after visiting that specific orphanage and never looked in his bag again that's what we're going with so then one of the elves volunteers to raise him so he's raised as an elf oh my God what well that poor old nun lady what are you talking about they're not even going to attempt to bring this baby back to the orphanage no so for the rest of her life she's going to be haunted by the thought that from her perspective a child was stolen on her watch never to be seen again ooh

right this is off to a dark start I mean now that you mention it yes it definitely is but we could pretend like it's not maybe that works for me I love pretending they think his name is Buddy because that's what was written on his diaper but when he grows up he doesn't really fit in with all the elf stuff you know like the elf showers and he can't keep up with anyone's magical powers so what does he do well his adoptive father shows him a picture of his birth parents and tells him that his

dad is living in New York City to that nun leave a photo of his parents in his diaper to get pooped on I guess so so Santa sends him off to NYC to find his dad but warns him to not check out any peep shows what was that so he goes to see his dad Walter but it doesn't really go well so he wanders into the gimbals department store and gets mistaken for one of the elves working in the fake Santa Village okay and he sees a beautiful employee joy and becomes infatuated with her oh

I guess he wasn't attracted to little elves but now that he sees a human woman he's aroused for the first time well that's not a cute way to put it well anyway so the next morning she's showering at work and he enters the room and starts singing along with her which freaks her out oh god well yeah that's super creepy and intrusive of him well he says he didn't know she was naked did in the shower you said they had showers in the North Pole how could he not know hey shut up so then buddy

freaks out cuz he sees that the M Santa isn't the real Santa and they fight and he goes to jail oh he does yeah and so Walter reluctantly bails him out and brings him to a pediatrician to get a DNA test to see if he's really his doesn't it take multiple days to get results from those no this is one of those pediatricians that's set up for instant DNA testing that's not a thing but it might be it isn't so the doctor tells Walter that the best thing he could do is bring this fully grown

man who thinks he's an elf and has just been arrested for a violent crime into his home to meet his wife and his child this guy's not a real doctor well yeah no he's going to be played by an actor never mind so butd he hangs out with the family and shows off his ability of somehow not being dead from diabetes and Walter's wife is just fine with this yes because if she wasn't immediately super cool with it then I'd have to spend time on that and I don't want to got it and then he

accidentally shows her his genitals accidentally first the shower now this yes and now buddy wants to connect with his half brother Michael but Michael thinks he's a weirdo I kind of do too but then he shows off his superhuman snowball throwing skills in Central Park and they become friends I thought buddy didn't have magic elf Powers oh yeah well in this scene he does oh okay so they head over to gimbals even though he got a restraining order and he asked that girl joy out on a date I mean he thinks he's an elf he

snuck into the bathroom while she was showering he went to jail for a violent crime and now he's defying a restraining order it's going to be tough to get her to go out with him actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah cuz see he's the main character so it's Charming so she's going to say yes oh okay great yeah the movie's called elf and he is the elf so he's going to be desirable that makes sense yeah so anyway eventually buddy really pisses his dad off by accidentally making fun

of a man with dwarfism oh my God so Buddy's all sad and depressed and he walks up onto the Queensboro Bridge is he going to freaking jump no he's just going to kind of sadly look at the water but then he's going to see freaking Santa Claus crash into Central Park so he's got to run over there isn't that kind of a long run there's no way for me to check that so then Walter and Michael also see the crash so they run over as well now the three of them have to help Santa just

the three of them with Santa alone in Central Park yeah just the three of them in Santa it's not that farfetched yes it is wa that's not a reaction that makes sense to what I just said well listen a lot of other people do see the Slate crash but instead of going to check it out they all just kind of gather at the edge of the park behind a news lady who's talking about it oh okay yeah just a whole bunch of people standing around in disbelief and also Josh Reuben is there they don't know

what is going on and it turns out there's not enough Christmas spirit anymore to make Santa's slave fly because people don't believe in him anymore well that doesn't really make sense I mean the parents would see gifts under the tree Che that they themselves didn't buy who do they think got those well listen sir that's a problem with every Christmas movie not just this one so get all the way off my back about it let me get off of that thing so then to get more Christmas spirit going Jo's going to sing and everybody's going

to join in I mean that little crowd of people is probably not enough to make the play Fly we'll see everybody watching the news is going to start singing as well like some bikers in a bar a little girl in her bedroom on a little TV the people back at the office on a projector those sound like the last situations in which anyone would be watching the news hey shut up so then they all start singing and Walter's going to join in just in the nick of time and Santa flies right above them and he's

off to deliver gifts wow so the news reporter has a huge story on her hand Santa just flew above her head and there were a bunch of witnesses well no see she's speechless for a second and then the news Cuts back to the studio and they say they guess they'll never know what happened and drop the story completely forever why the movie's almost done sir we're not going to open that whole can of worms Oh unopened cans of worms are tight and so then buddy impregnates Joie and we're done well it sounds like a great

Christmas movie and hey if it does well we can make a bunch more of them what could possibly stop [Music] us hi this is Ryan George from the thing you just watched please enjoy this slideshow from the thing you just watched he [Music]