Fr. Mike Schmitz and Sr. Miriam James Heidland, SOLT Explain Healing in the Gaze of Jesus

Time Heals some of our wounds but time does not heal all wounds it's love that heals all of our wounds Jesus is a man who's Fully Alive and so when I look at him I can look at my life and say well where are the places I Don't Love Like Jesus and then that's where I'm called to grow in Christ likeness and that's what this Advent is meant to be about how do I live this Advent in such a way that I'm actually prepared to see the Lord face to face so healing involves or means

bringing my Brokenness my shame to the Lord and letting him see me as I am yes are you afraid of death which and I don't mean to be overly personal I think about it every day it's [Music] okay I don't want to have anything between me and Jesus hi my name is father Mike Schmitz and I'd like to invite you to join me this upcoming Advent on the Ascension app here's a question what if you knew that December 25th Christmas day was the day that you were going to wake up dead I know that sounds

morbid but but there's a a reality of our life would have to change right the way we would live Advent would have to change we'd have to live it with intentionality we have to live it with purpose we have to live it with Grace if you want to join me every day of this upcoming Advent from December 1st to December 25th download the Ascension app and join the wait list or you could go to ascensionpress.com Advent to join download the Ascension app today hi my name is father Mike schmidtz and we are talking with three

special guests as we have this series leading into Advent about how we can prepare to see the Lord face to face so it's to prepare ourselves to celebrate his first coming at Christmas is to prepare ourselves to receive him now in our daily lives ultimately it is to prepare to see Jesus when he comes to us at the end of time or when we come to him at the end of our lives and so today as we prepare to enter into Advent is Sister Miriam James Hyland um now sister some people would know about you

many people do but for those who don't know would you mind just introducing a little bit of yourself or introducing yourself a little bit to us and to our guests it's delightful to be with you again it's always a joy to be with you when you do these projects and it's an honor to be part of them and uh I'm a member of the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity the salt Community I have been in my community about 26 years now I had an encounter um with a priest who loved Jesus

he loved his priesthood and he loved me and that love my parents were very wonderful and that's certainly a major part of it but really the I think the f FAL point in my heart that transformed my heart was meeting this priest who'd been a priest a long time and I had up until that moment I had never met anybody who loved God like that and he wasn't perfect I think we have this idea of saints that you know they kind of float around and they're real people and which is why I love what we're

going to talk about today because it's the real stuff of real people and father was absolutely delightful he'd been a priest a long time and God just gave me to him and that man just loved me and watching how he loved Jesus and watching how he loved his priesthood it awakens something in me to allow Jesus to love me and it was from that encounter over time um as many good things take a lot of time that I heard the Lord called me to be his bride and that was about 26 years ago so how

did you discern soult as a the community you're part of well God was very kind to me and I part of my journey is you know I've suffered a lot of trauma and I had an addiction and things like that and my I was pretty much a hot mess and so I would have never survived a Convent like a nun run I I was so fragile I mean I was very barely going to mass on Sunday and God in his kindness when he revealed a call to become his bride he also revealed to me it

was a salt community and father was a member of our community he passed away about 10 years ago but um he was a member of our community and I my community is very familial we have pre sisters and Ley working together and I loved it and so uh for me it felt like home and that's kind of how we know when it's a good fit is when we feel like home that's so good I uh did I ever tell you I discerned Sal a little bit I love that I don't know if people know that

I love when you tell that part of the story so even in college we did uh I did some like spring break mission trips and they're almost always with Soul Community in Texas oh I love and then um in Louisiana too maybe just Texas okay and then I lived in Central America in bise on the border of uh Guatemala in Biz Ben vjo Del Carmen and taught at their school and that's where I had a massively important like the a conversion that saved my life again I encountered the Lord as a high schooler MH and

then hardened my heart over the course of the next number of years um to the Lord even though I I was serving him on my own terms I loving him on my own terms and then went down to the mission in Biz and it was I remember stepping off the plane and this was a this this mission was Catholic with the capital c and I was like oh my gosh what are these people they're crazy and they just were so good uh and just loved the Lord so well loved me kind of very similarly um

but like a hard love it wasn't it wasn't soft there was nothing soft about that that that how how I was loved because I needed that and I'm just so grateful to well the Lord but also to the Salt community and so even I remember Mr Tim Robinson Mr Tim had said well you know Mike would you want to maybe you should be a soul priest and I was like um Mr Tim I I I would want to because you guys are the most intense community that exists but I grew up praying for uh vocations

in the dases of duth and I thought it'd be really shortsighted of Me Maybe or maybe selfish of me to if I didn't actually feel explicit call to Salt sure to uh pray for vocations and duth and then leave and so I was like well I I'm going to I'm going to try duth first and if it doesn't work out maybe I'll try salt and it worked out so see where we are um yeah so I love your community and I'm so grateful your ministry particularly largely focused on healing if you say more about that

how did how did that happen sure well it happened through a breakdown in my own heart as most good things do um there kind of a cliche saying that you know with a breakdown comes a breakthrough and um it was early on in my religious life that I just kind of had a interior breakdown where my personal resources had ended and I knew that what I was being asked to carry I couldn't carry it and I remember sitting uh on the floor at during adoration one time and I had my head against the wall and

I just was looking at Jesus and I had a lot of Shame and a lot of you know just just a lot of pain in my heart and I just remember looking at Jesus saying I don't know what to do but I can't do this like I can't go on like I can't whatever's happening I can't go on the way I've been going on and it was a great Mercy from the Lord because at that moment the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the things that I'd been running from my entire life were actually affecting

me in my day-to-day adult life because a lot of times what we say is well it happened a long time ago it's not a big deal um it's a big deal everything we've ever experienced lies within our bodies Even in our hearts and in our minds and I I really believe all of our addictions whether it's whatever it is to alcohol or to Instagram or to food or to being right or to being self-righteous all of our addictions are our trauma responses to our sorrowful mysteries wow and most of us spend most of our life

running away from our sorrowful mysteries and thank god father Mike God would not let me run away anymore from my sorrowful mysteries and that was almost 20 years ago wow really and I've been on a very serious very intense yeah so I came to the convent like yeah like I said I was coming out of addiction all kinds of stuff so much unhealed trauma and I think your listeners can appreciate that I just was going to be holy I'm just going to yes you're going to do it be holy and a sister you're going to

be like our lady and it's going to be wonderful and you're going to get a tar and you're going to like in the mountains and sing and I'm like Lord have mercy on us all that's not what happened and than thank God I didn't I didn't know what to do and it was in the convent that I that I received deep healing and I yeah had I not made that decision had the Lord not called me and I don't know where I would be today but I can honestly say I'm so grateful for this path

of religious life and I'm grateful for steadfast authentic love because that love is ultimately and we'll talk about that today love is what heals us Time Time Heals some of our wounds but time does not heal all wounds it's love that heals all of our wounds you're saying I'm going to become a religious sister mhm I'm just going to be holy yep but can we be holy without healing or is it more this is in order to be holy I have to be willing to step out from behind where I'm hiding so it was it

was it that was it was it the hiding uh my wounds hiding your sorrowful mysteries or hiding from your sorrowful mysteries or was it like no this is this what I don't know is that real real question yeah that is and I I think defining healing is going to be very important for us because so even Holiness Holiness is Christ likeness so I look at Jesus and I know you know this very well Jesus is a man who's fully alive he's or he's ordered he's integrated mentally emotionally spiritually physically as a man um everything lies

in integration and so when I look at him I can look at my life and say well where are the places I Don't Love Like Jesus and then that's where I'm called to grow in Christ likeness so how you and I do that through there's a wonderful definition that Dr Bob shoots from the jump all to Healing Center gives for healing which I love and he said healing is an ongoing encounter with God's love and truth that brings us into wholeness and communion healing is an ongoing encounter with God's love and truth that brings us

into wholeness and communion so healing is not fixing it's not sin management it's not minimizing it's not pretending it didn't happen it's it is the agonizing at times encounter with God's love in all the places where I am not whole and I'm not in communion that brings me to become like him because it brings me literally into his own beautiful life and and that's daily Journey that's all of us all we could all admit even if we don't have Capital Big T trauma all of us have ruptures of love which is trauma it's wounds and

all of us have places in our heart where we know that we don't love like Jesus where we want to but we can't where we want to forgive but we can't that one person in our family that we're probably going to see this Christmas that we don't want to see and it's difficult for us to be in the same room with them and we just try to say like I'm just going to try harder this time and there's a whole system that's happening underneath and I think when we can touch that it it gives our

heart freedom to be able to see what's happening and to feel what's happening and then to allow Jesus to come there and that's how transformation happens wow could you say that's you always said he healing is not fixing no it's not fixing what yeah say more about that if you yeah because I think that's what we think it is at times and I think part of it is because many times we we experience our wounds the things we take to confession you know and I think sometimes we want to we want to deal with them

over here and I'm going to deal with it by myself so then I'm not seen here and then I'm going to be like hi but Jesus is like no let's let's let's bring it which is a terrifying level of intimacy and so I think fixing is like just fix me and I'm going to be fine fix me you know one of the priests we teach with says that healing is often looked at as like a search and destroy mission yeah like I'm going to find the one thing that makes me unlovable and I'm going to

destroy that and I'm going to be fine I'll be lovable yeah then I'll be lovable and Christ doesn't see us like that and so he's not coming to fix us as if we're kind of a tool or broken so then Lord fix me and then I can go back to my life what he's demanding which is radical intimacy is an ongoing relationship where everything is brought out and everything is seen and everything is is if not dealt with but faced in love and that's how healing happens I mean we know that in our families we

know that in our deepest desires of our heart um none of us want to be dealt with none of us we ache we ache and we ter are terrified of it at the same time of being seen and loved but that's the kind of love our hearts ache for and that's when it's not happening that's why we're like oh I want I want this you know I'm afraid of it but I want it yeah so that what you're saying is I think I'm so grateful that you said we have to Define healing first because I

think um as we talked today we're going talk about what needs to be healed what needs to what needs to happen in me so that I can see the Lord face to face and without hiding without shame um and to be able to I really am so grateful you said that healing is not fixing I don't know if I shared this with you before but years ago there was we have a household on campus um at St jna household so six or seven women live in this household and one year bunch of years ago uh

some of them really had a Devotion to St cathine of Sienna and just loved her they she was their confirmation Saint and and uh at one point I remember them calling or texting because there was a big emergency SOS get over to the house like okay what is it well one of them had started reading a book that was the theory of the book was that here's St Cath Sena who died at an early age young age um she had had heavy fasts and all these kind of penances but the theory was that she did

all these fasts and pen pen penances not because she was holy but because she had an eating disorder interesting and that she had some kind of of that and that was it and that one of our students had a couple of maybe had that was their one of their wounds okay and so this then of like wait a second we thought she was holy we thought that St Cath s was the amazing incredible saint but maybe she had this eating disorder and that actually led to an early death and so they were just like kind

of freaked out like we thought she was a hero instead of being this this broken person and what do we do and I'm like uh so I reached out to my spiritual director this is many years ago I had I I know better now I go to my spiritual director I'm just like Father what do you think what would you say yeah that they say that she died with this eating disorder it actually contributed to her early death and he said so God made her holy in the midst of her wounds and God made her

holy in the midst of her weakness he didn't have to take it away in order for her to be St Catherine of Sienna there's no actual evidence that that was something that she experienced this is someone's projecting on her sure but even if it were true yeah that God can make us holy even without fixing us yes it would it would mean that she allowed God to love her in her Brokenness she allowed God to love her and use her and and and be close to her that's why it sounds like you're saying is that

okay God here is the shadow here's the broken of my heart I once again surrender it to you is that accurate is that that that ongoing that's bringing this before the Lord and that's really what St Paul says I was given a thorn in My Flesh and I I think we love theoretical poverty in other people we're like oh just let God love you there but our own poverty we're like o and my spiritual director who's so wonderful I've known him forever and he said sister he said your poverty is the seedbed of God's glory

yeah your poverty is the seed bed and we're talking the real stuff that we don't want anyone to know about ourselves like the real stuff where we're like why do I keep doing that or what what is that tendency and it's in those very places I mean I don't know but and those places bring me to my knees literally I'm like Lord I can't fix myself and I this is mortifying to me Lord and I I don't know what to do sometimes and I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what

I want to do I don't know what to do and that's the common lot of our human nature our fragmented human nature and in that in those very places the Lord in those places where maybe other people have shamed us or minimized or didn't want to be with us there in communion those are the very places where Jesus comes to bring us into communion it's it is St Peter by the second charcoal fire where in his deepest shame the Lord draws close and that oh that kind of love father like that is so disarming and

it's so it's so reparative and so healing like that that's that's the kind of love we want to face before we die because that's the kind of love that we're going to experience the rest of Eternity is that kind of encompassing love a love that knows everything and a love that loves andoo that is that is the real stuff well so you said that's the kind of love we have to face because that's what we'll face when we die yes and that's what this Advent is meant to be about is is that sense of okay

how do I live this Advent in such a way that I'm actually prepared yeah to see the Lord face to face so healing involves or means bringing my Brokenness my shame to the Lord and letting him see me as I am yes how do I do that when forgiveness is like we talk about forgiveness today how would I do that when either I haven't received God's forgiveness or I haven't offered God's forgiveness is it even possible mhm and if it's not what do I need to do this kind of a pivot Corner sure sure sure

yeah I think you know I think all of us have those places but I think that um part of our journey yeah part of our journey is coming to a decision and so part of what we're going to talk about is a choice that we make and we talk about choice I know you talk about choices a lot that you and I have a lot of feelings and a lot of emotions that take us a lot of different places but what is you know what is the choice what is the holy spirit inviting me to

in my life and most beautifully that our our passions you know usually do follow along when our intellect and our Wills are healed our passions follow along but that you and I can choose forgiveness and you and I can choose the path of healing whether we feel it or not and it's I learned a great prayer many years ago that we can actually ask for the willingness to be willing yeah exactly of like Lord I don't like even right now so maybe we're thinking about somebody that we're going to see this Advent season or something

in our life that we're not proud of like Lord I don't know what to do but I give me the willingness to be willing to allow you to love me Lord I don't know what I don't know what the next right step is Lord but please bring me and the Lord is faithful to that and he well maybe sometimes we don't want the next step that he brings us but I think even just opening our heart of and allowing ourselves to feel not just to intellectually call to mind but all right what what's happening in

my life what are my pressing symptoms what is my area of distress is there a rupture in my family are there things that I don't want to talk about things I don't want to face because that affects everything in our life and you know you and I know well when we're living an authentic transparent life we relate to people differently relate to God differently and then when we start to hide things or where there's areas of our life that we've closed the door on and we say it's in the past but the past doesn't stay

in the past it's always bleeding into the present and so yeah kind of like the spiritual Master say you know father jacqu Philip ask says you know the spiritually mature person asks how will I respond now not why is this happening to me okay here's the things that have happened to us here's what's here's what our family's facing here's where I'm at this Advent season how will I respond how will I respond now and that choice is continually ours yeah wow so wow that's yes I love that because how will I respond now yeah because

it asks it asks a different question it doesn't seek to blame no it doesn't even necessarily sounds like cuz I think sometimes when we think about uh our wounds or even trauma it's okay where does this come from I need to be able to grab wrap my arms around my hands around it I need to uh find out the source and the the one to blame as opposed to saying I'm not going to ask those questions I can trust God God what do you want me to do with this yeah how do you want me

to respond to this yes so when it comes to hurt and the temptation to blame MH how do we escape the temptation to blame or resentment unforgiveness and offer forgiveness so question before we go like we had to defined healing or you defined healing uh what is forgiveness yeah I think a very simple um definition of forgiveness is uh choosing to let go of a debt that is owed to us and that's a very strict kind of I mean it's under the virtue of Mercy under the virtue of Charity but it really is is it's

choosing it's an act of the will forgiveness ultimately is act of the will choosing to let go to release which is why the parable the unforgiving servant is so rich visually because he he chokes the fellow servants so that this is what you and I were doing when when you when there's an injustice because anger St Thomas qu talks about how anger is about Injustice and so the anger arises because there's been an injustice and the hurt comes and there's a debt incurred and so my that's just that's that's true so the pain we feel

is actually it makes sense it's not like I should be better bigger person like no if if I've been hurt I'm hurt now if they if they've cost me something they've actually cost me something yes they have and that's really important because I think we can feel very guilty about that there's a difference between the healthy emotion of anger and the deadly sin of anger which is about control and that deadly sin is me wanting to exact Justice on my own terms which is destructive and it's about control but the healthy emotion of anger Christ

was angry and I think we're very uncomfortable with that based on the stories that we've had in our own childhoods about anger like what was anger like for your family what was it like when your mom and dad were angry what was it what does it feel like to you to be angry there's all kinds of things about that but Dr Robert enri who travels the world speaking about forgiveness he said the first step is admitting that you're angry yeah because there's no anger without a preceding hurt or an injustice and so understanding that I

think it gives us great space in our hearts that if we're struggling to forgive somebody it's telling us that our hearts have been hurt it's not that we didn't try hard enough so that hurt that keeps coming to the surface is telling us about where there's a real or perceived Injustice that the Lord wants to bring us to the root system and he wants to spend time with us there to release that to understand what's happening there and then we can walk forward but God made us so beautifully that just honoring the way that God

has made us because resentment resentment is a result of places where Injustice has not been solved or hasn't been restored in a way we think so and we've been trying to do it on our own and so resentment we know when I feel resentful it's recenter which means to feel over and over and over again it is our resentment wants to seek revenge and right we want to order justice so you can hear the deadly sin of anger in that we want to exact Justice on our own but really when I feel resentment when I'm

ruminating have you ever fallen asleep at night you're laying on your bed like thinking about what you're going to say to that person and you say this oh you just replay it over yeah and then you're like no I'm going to say it like this no no no then you like replay it's amazing brain scientists show that um every time we ruminate we release the same chemical composition of like the the chemicals that flood our brains and they Harden our neural Pathways really toward negativity so there's something that's happening but what when that happens to

me what I'm noticing is like when I'm really honest like actually my heart is hurting mhm so these are Great Signs like when we see people that are it's hard for us to Bear there's a hurt that's happened and that that's the place to which we must go not why don't you what's happening here because God takes that very seriously and that's why forgiveness is a process that act of letting go is a process and it's okay that it's a process I just want to say everybody like sometimes we feel like it's a failure like

you see that person at Thanksgiving or Christmas you get mad all over again and you're like oh I didn't forget that's not helpful what it tells us is that there's still deeper communion Christ wants to bring us to and that's that's a very humbling Journey because it's much more vulnerable to admit that I'm hurt than using anger to control you well it sounds like grief in some ways it is that's exactly y so like grief is here's the here's the moment of loss yes and uh I've experienced the grief and then I'm like okay now

I'm I'm I've kind of recovered maybe in the sense of like i' reconciled with this grief and then another thing happens and I realize I have to encounter that loss again so here is uh it's it's someone people watching this and listening to this is okay so I've lost someone in my life uh in the summertime and now it's Thanksgiving and i' I've lost them again yes because they're now they're not here for Thanksgiving and I I see Christmas coming and I realize oh they're not here at Christmas and I lose them again and so

grief is a process you don't get hopefully don't get mad at yourself for that ongoing grief because it's it's another marker of the fact that they're not here that that there's been a wound there's been an injury and I'm experiencing that CU it this new moment uncovers that in a new way yes so similarly I imagine not imagine I know anger is that okay I think I've forgiven them I think I've released that debt but then I see them again yeah because and and it comes back up because once again it cost me something yes

you know and so that sense of like here's a new day um wow that's so so it makes sense to give your give person permission yeah that it's not an event forgiveness is not an event it is a process yes grief is part of the healing process and that requires us to feel it and what does it feel like in our bodies what is it like to miss that person what is it like to maybe your dad's an alcoholic and he wasn't around for 30 years and he's taken something from you how can he pay

that back and there's a grief in the childhood that was lost and and that's so and understanding that that comes at very inopportune times for us many times and to allow oursel the the nature to cry to grieve to to name the loss we have to be able to name and lament there's a whole book of Lamentations of of lamenting the loss and and offering it to God because ultimately that process is what we do is is not just letting it go into the abyss but it's letting it go to God and Justice will be

served every single person that's ever heard us every single person that's ever H us is one day going to know when they see God face to face there will not be any minimizing there will not be any kind of sweeping that under the rug there won't be any elephants in the room every single person who's ever hurt us whether they know at this side of heaven or not one day we'll know and like we will too we will too yeah I mean that's uh in the catechism it talks about that in at the at the

second or final judgment yes when the whole story is written we will see to the furthest end the consequences of all our actions yes that sense of all the times we chose virtue and that radiated through history and all the times we chose evil and radiated through history yeah um you're going back to uh how that because of that we have to weigh up what it's cost us one of the things I'll talk about this uh yes later on um uh tonight actually in my talk is in that parable of the unforgiving servant yes is

that it it says in the NAB I think in the American Bible it says who owed him a huge amount yes and but the original Greek says he owed him 10,000 talents which not only is a h huge amount and impossible to pay back sure but at some point here is the the king or the the Lord the master who added it up and said no this is literally exactly this is exactly what you owe me this is exactly what you cost me and one of the things I think a process of forgiveness would entail

is taking that time and I I invite people to do it in the presence of Jesus because because the resentment could just take over that place of okay Lord I know you're real I know you're good I know you love me I'm in a place of being loved what has this person cost me yes and like you say okay dad your decisions cost me uh you ruined Christmas this year but it also every Christmas I've experienced has been this fear every time I pass the liquor store I just feel this thing or whatever that whatever

that and to be able to write that down um I don't trust so and so you I don't trust the father figure the mother whatever that thing is and then to be to because if I don't write it down MH I just think it's a huge nebulous amount how can I release someone from a debt that's like that's a it's a bunch as opposed to Okay you cost me 10,000 talents M and now I'm not going to make you pay me back like now your debt ish uh uh not forgotten yeah no and not diminished

right not not dismissed not we're you said that so clearly too like I'm not uh dismissing or diminishing no the hurt yes and I think sometimes again the Temptation for like holy people or quote unquote holy people is oh no no I'm fine I'm fine I I can take it Jesus would just take it on the chin that kind of idea as opposed to yeah Jesus allowed himself but he felt every punch that's the very part that you've just named um father Mike that perhaps even listeners as you start toing that can kind of feel

that like that's that's courageous because that's part of the healing process is actually have to take a full inventory of what was taken from me and how it affected me how it distorted my identity and that's not blaming I mean I've heard a speaker once say that in order to heal we have to be honoring and honest and we have to honor the people in our life and we have to blaming is not ever going to heal us this is not throwing your parents under the bus it's it's nothing like that's not throwing your spouse

under the bus honoring the people in our life who've hurt us as image and likeness of God and also being honest telling the truth and that can be daunting for us because then then we really have to feel we have to name and that gets us into deep places and it's much easier it seems to be like you know it's not a big deal I used to give a lot of Parish missions um and the second night of my Parish Mission I used to give a whole talk on forgiveness and lead them through forgiveness meditation

and I'll never forget that several years ago um on the third night I was getting ready to finish the mission and this older man came up to me and he said sister it was a really great talk on forgiveness and I said oh thank you sir he said and I'm not making fun of him it just is it was quite telling he said I don't have anybody to forgive but that was a great talk and I said oh do you tell and he said he said yeah I don't have anybody to forgive I just simply

avoid everybody I don't like and he said sister I'm serious he's like there's people in my family there's races of people there's classes of people there are groups that are people that I don't like and I just simply avoid them and I was like I was speechless and I I was like you might want to take a look at that but I thought you know what I think for a lot of us that's our motive oh I forgave and we we secretly sanctimoniously judge them that we're like the you know the Pharisee oh thank God

I'm not like them and and we look down on them and and we may not be able to name anger but we could name being irritated or annoyed or nitpicking I'm passive aggressive like criticism like all those things are like CLA at anger that um if that's our idea of kind of what forgiveness is and that's I look at Jesus and who has no self-defense mechanisms and who is naked on the cross he's teaching us he's giving he's an efficacious model of how we heal and so if we want to be well that is the

degree to which we must go and when we do that father Mike with the Lord what happens is those emotions run through us we can name them we can grieve them and they come out of our system and what naturally arises from that as the Lord shows us ourselves and the person who hurt us who's really not so different than ush I just think of that that that that man's impulse to say the way I deal with this yes is I don't deal with it y like the way I deal with it is through avoidance

and so I just as you know I think of John Paul the second the opposite of love is not hate it's use another way say it is indifference yeah and so yeah I I don't hate them but I also don't love them yeah I don't hate them but I also uh they're not in my life in any way shape or form and I just wonder now there's times and I think this is pretty valuable where there's a difference between forgiveness and Reconciliation there's a huge difference yes but it sounds like in this particular case it's

just I'm avoiding love not I'm avoiding pain I'm avoiding distrust or I'm avoiding um uh what's going to further hurt me I'm simply avoiding what annoys me yes and I could I think that's okay when it comes to uh news channels sure or websites I avoid that because it just makes me mad great but when it comes to family that might not be the best way to sure to deal yeah yeah and and we're not talking about healthy boundaries there are some people that are cannot be in our life and so but what is my

heart toward that person even is it one of compassion right and and maybe just that it's just too tense it's too volatile so there's space but there's a difference between amputation and avoidance versus Lord this is really hard for me I don't know what to do please help me I just need some space like that you could even feel that it feels different and and so yeah I think a lot of us cope with yeah we just that's what we do so I think one of the things I think is really good news is there's

a book called The catechism maybe You' heard of it I have I have I I really I want to read it I want to read it someday do you recommend it I I it's okay if you like that kind of Catholic sort of thing but I one of the this is one of my favorite quotes from the entire catechism this comes from the our father so the Christian prayer the the pillar on Christian prayer and from the Our father and this is such good news for us because it's 2843 and so it's talking about forgiveness

from the heart which is not lip service so forgiveness from the heart is the daunting thing like the parable the unforgiving servant it's like we going to talk about that and so um I love that the church says this and I just offer this to everybody who we all have places in our heart so it talks about how we have to forgive from the heart and it says it is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense and I just want to stop right there because many times we are ashamed for

our feelings we're like Lord I feel such hatred I feel such disappointment and I love that the church is telling us and that silly saying like just forgive and forget it doesn't happen and I it's it's not in our power not to feel or to forget and offense but here's the true Journey but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession wow I'll read that again the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the

memory in transforming the hurt into intercession that to me that's that's love that's Freedom so could you imagine being so free father like if you and I had a a problem and you hurt me deeply and I I in my journey forgiveness imagine that the pain that you inflicted upon me I could be so free that I could stand at the foot of your cross with Mary and offer the pain that you inflicted back to me for your healing wow I mean that's a lot of freedom and that's and that's where we're going to understand

of like in the Divine mystery of God why does God allow things to happen to us I don't know like people ask you that I'm sure why did this happen I don't know but I I do believe that the Lord the Lord in his sovereignty he has to be able to make all things well and make them new and and when I can through notice it says through the Holy Spirit it doesn't say by your own accord because we the holy spirit does for us what we cannot do for ourselves but in our journey this

Advent as these things come up we can say Lord I don't know what to do but I give this to you Lord please please help me help me to bring this to compassion Lord I I just offer this for that person I mean these are really this is spiritual maturity and this is the path to freedom because then you know what then we're free and then we can bless and then then our hearts become like Christ and that's what Jesus does he he doesn't offer us back what we give him he offers us love we

offer him sin we offer him sorrow and he gives us back love and that's that stops the transmission of suffering in the world and it gives us back communion and wholeness wow I it seems even just like the wisdom chur that's that's this what you and so that then but we're not helpless no and we're not hopeless no with the power of the spirit Holy Spirit we can allow the Lord to turn change that injury into compassion and transform the hurt into intercession yes so we're not hopeless and not powerless in all of this and

so it's not so a person is if a person forgives they're not being a victim no because you're being transformed yes and not a doormat and that's I think it's so important that's one of the reasons why I think it's so important you mentioned it's okay to be angry because if just if Injustice has been done right if justice has been violated then you have a dignity and you have a worth and even your anger is a sign that you recognize your worth yes right that even that that fact that so if you try to

dismiss your feelings you try to dismiss uh what you're going through it might even be an attempt to dismiss your very dignity the dignity that you have I love that you said that because many times in our healing Journey um when we go to deeper places in our heart we're going to find Seasons where a tremendous amount of anger comes out and if we don't know what to do or if the people walking with us don't know what to do we're going to think I went backwards but actually because a lot of times in our

trauma we blame ourselves and it's like it's safer to blame myself than to actually have to feel the violation or feel what happened and then place the truth not blame but say that actually that was you and we can go through a tremendous amount of anger and and that's part of our heart's waking up because when that is named and then that is brought into the light not that goes underground into your resentment or bitterness or rage or all that kind of things but when that's brought out into the light and that's the agony that's

the agony in the garden that's the crucifixion of the lament then that can be transformed but that's that is part of the journey it's a very important part well so honesty yes honesty and that that being willing to acknowledge the whole truth yes which is such a challenge for everyone especially when it comes to forgiveness because there's that that you say okay uh I was hurt and this is actually the truth the truth is this action of yours hurt me yes and so again it's not blame but it's telling the truth it also is when

I'm if I'm really willing to step into the truth it's here's what I did yeah but so it's not self blame it's not self accusation either it's that sense of responsibility the truth right the honesty if I'm going to truly forgive without any kind of self- accusation but with self responsibility yes okay Lord let me know the whole truth amen so this person really hurt me and here's how I hurt them yeah what's the whole story yes H how do we get there I think I think that is um that's such a great yeah part

of the healing Journey part of forgiveness is allowing God to show us his Divine perspective of the other person yeah and what is my response I I may not be responsible for how you hurt me but what are my responses you know many times in our hearts like from our from the hurts we've received especially as children part of our heart is a guardedness and then we get married or we become priests or sisters and there's a part of our heart is guarded because of the pain and in that I'm I'm robbing you of a

a deeper area of love because my heart is guarded because I don't trust so it's understandably so but I think that was that's been my prayer for like the last year Lord I want to know the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I'm like Lord Jesus I cuz I I want to be well like Lord not condemn me like Lord convict me I I want to know because I want my heart to be fully alive and I you know I know like in my own Journeys and and you know the people

in my life that have hurt me the most when I really allow Jesus to show me their hearts they're not so different than I am and hurt people hurt people and we all and we all do it and I think making that prayer to the Holy Spirit right Lord how how have I how have I responded to this that's been harmful maybe of course I wasn't responsible for the abuse or anything like that but Lord are the ways that I have from this pain believe things that are not true and harmed others from that pain

and Lord please heal I pray all the time for people that I've hurt in my life like Lord please heal them I may never see them again but I know I'm not perfect and I have a long way to go and I Lord please I just like I don't know what to do but like please and I think that's part of injury into compassion to suffer with because we see that you know we all at times do that to people and the and the Lord comes to heal that for the places we wounded other people

the Lord comes to heal that as well it's so there's nothing outside of his limits well that's I I I love what you're saying that sounds like um in order to see the Lord face to face yeah I have to be willing to forgive yes I just I just have to um and that's not forgetting it's not dismissing or diminishing it is saying this is what you owe and now I release you from your debt yeah but also I have to to some degree ask for forgiveness and take responsibility my one of my first opportunities

to do ministry um as as a seminarian was I was uh worked at a VA Hospital and I worked with hospice men who these were these were men who were in World War II Korea uh Vietnam and then the other half of my time was spent in the uh chemical dependency Wing wow and so I as an honor like I was maybe 24 years old and I got to hear all these men's fifth steps and and this it was just remarkable because it was so humbling for me as these men just were like here is

where I am taking an accounting of my of my life here I'm taking accounting of how I hurt people and then what do they do after that fifth step is then they go and they try to make amends sure and there's that sense of okay so I'm the one who's grieved like I'm the one who's been hurt this is which is true but then that how do I take responsibility and acknowledge who I've hurt so years ago we we on a campus we we did this that notion of what if on December 25th was the

day you were going to die what would you need to do to be ready to see the Lord face to face and one Sunday after Mass this young woman came up to me she said after last Sunday I knew what I had to do and she said there were two uh women in my high school that I know I treated poorly I bullied them and I was I was mean to them and I called them and I I told them I know what I've done I know I hurt you I know I took I I

I ruined your high school whatever the thing was I don't know the depths and I just need you to know that I am sorry and ask for your forgiveness and I just thought two things I thought that is bold yes uh and that is so so honest just uh courageous but she was like no if I were to if I were going to see God in on December 25th if this is the day I'm going see the Lord face to face on my death and I haven't asked these people for forgiveness I wouldn't be ready

and so that sense of not only a willingness to ask or offer forgiveness yes but to ask forgiveness now here's a question for you what should someone in that position be should what that what should someone in that position do like so here I am I and I take my fifth step and now it's time to make amends or it's this this student I have or it's us and there's a big risk in reaching out um any counsel for someone who might say I'm convicted I I know that I've hurt um what's my next step

yeah I think the first step is always prayer praying for that person and you know the rest of that step says make direct demands were possible except when to do so would cause harm yes I'm glad you said that that's a great clarification so um really praying to the Holy Spirit of like Lord what are you asking here because sometimes it would not be helpful for us to contact an old boyfriend or something or a girlfriend to because that just but but I can offer restitution I can offer St Thomas aquinus says that forgiveness is

offering an undeserved gift and you think about Advent being a gift yeah and so what if every day of Advent I offered a gift whether that's a prayer that's a sacrifice whether that's a letter I'm not going to send or a letter I do need to send I think it depends on the nature of the relationship and maybe having a good spiritual director or some a friend in your life that can help bounce things off of but what if it was offering an undeserved gift to somebody every day and and that's how that is how

healing happens but I think yeah I think I really do believe the holy spirit will tell us what we need to do and also to to be prudent in those regards too so like whatever the Lord's inviting but but I all of us have places in our life where we know the Holy Spirit saying this it is time it is time and not out of fear but it is time to live more Fully Alive it is time to have a heart more like Christ it's time to be more honest and if we're really about the

ministry of reconciliation like St Paul says we've been given up a a Ministry and a mission of reconciliation or a message of reconciliation then that needs to be good now and we can always forgive like we can't always with God we can always reconcile because of his will right we come into immediate reconciliation but reconciliation requires two parties right and so sometimes the other person is not ready sometimes they're not willing sometimes it's too dangerous but we the beautiful thing about forgiveness is that we can always forgive that at any time like when you find

yourself little resment start to Fester where you're avoiding somebody where you're like you start to criticize them in your mind wonderful right then like Lord It's a whole forgiveness meditation Lord come into my heart help me to forgive that's such a freedom that we're not a victim to other people's response whether they admit it or not whether This Side of Heaven they even know even realize yes and that what a tremendous gift that that makes us more like Christ like it's the most it's it's at the heart of our father for a reason it's because

it goes right to the heart it transforms everything W I have a friend Nick Davidson who says that love is a one-way Street meaning I just I will the good of the other it's a oneway street he says relationships are two Street love is a oneway street and I think similarly forgiveness is a oneway street yes I can release you from your debt reconciliation would be that you receive that and now we're interested in building trust again we're now interested in in in healing something that's been ruptured as opposed to just like no I'm not

going to resent I'm not going to uh have this unforgiveness because that can be so brutal but so one way for that's what I can do even if they never know or even if they some people always ask they say they say like what um what what if they don't acknowledge that they did something wrong or or what if they don't even have any idea like you can still forgive you might not be able to reconcile but you can still forgive yes you can like you can always love even if you're not loved back yeah

uh you can't have a relationship unless unless you're loved back there's something there yeah which is such good news yeah yeah cuz you're never we're never powerless exactly with the Holy Spirit we can do this so preparing uh preparation Advent help preparation one of the things we need to do to prepare to see the Lord face to face is allow forgiveness touch our hearts yes and to be able to be instruments of forgiveness to others but at the same time there comes that moment where we will see the Lord face to face yes when it

comes to our death so sister I just can maybe one or two kind of like reflections of when it comes to your preparing for death which and I don't mean to be overly personal I think about it every day it's okay are you afraid of death and if so or if not how do you envision how do you prepare for a happy death I think I think there's a natural fear of death because you've never done it before I I know people who gone through like I I don't so I think there's always as a

human person you're like I'm a newbie the first time I've died literally is my first rodeo so I think there's like that like like wow okay and you know we you know as we get older we see people that are our age or younger I mean it's just so kind of like okay but I think um yeah I just I think if St Paul says that we will finally see as we are seen and know as we are known and love as we are loved and um I think part of that journey is the daily

it is the daily journey of healing and Holiness I I don't want to um I don't want to have anything between me and Jesus yeah I want everything to be seen and the day I see him face to face I don't want anything that I that I know of to be hidden or to be that Lord I can say like I've given everything to you and everything is yours and you are mine and this is forever I so I think that's like the real work I'm very serious about that work of like I want to

know the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and that you and I are offering kindness to people we're offering truth we're offering goodness we're like this this journey to become like Christ it's not just like a nice thing that we tell people or that's it's a nice not it's not like theoretical idea it's it's real life and I think for me that preparation is the daily Journey the the daily the prepar preparation for death is the daily journey of Life of how am I living today what do I need to do how

do I need to make amends what do what is God asking of me and um and I think as we take that Journey face to face then the gap between kind of like what could be or what is but also like the fear it lessens because then I know more about Christ I'm like oh I'm GNA I'm going to go see the one I love and everybody that I love and how blessed is that like we get to spend forever with God who loves so we can that in that regard look forward to even though

there's a natural fear like I don't know but we can look forward to it because it's the joy that never ends yeah yeah yeah I don't need to be fixed no to be ready no but just that sounds like that that practice of letting yourself be seen yeah like truly yes um would be the and yeah truly uh wounds and everything uh is part of the healing process but that healing ultimately leads to allowing yourself to be seen as you are yeah um yeah when we stand before the Lord without any other Illusions any other

uh yeah we don't see clearly now no but we will yeah that's awesome it's amazing thank you um sister any last thoughts or any things you'd say like okay here's whether this is healing or forgiveness or um I guess the only thing that comes to me is that the journey is worth it it's worth it it's worth it to live in the truth of who we are it's worth it to have our hearts Fully Alive we're not on a healing Journey so we can get back into control right we're on a healing journey to become

like Christ and and that's the best gift of all that's the goal it's worth it yeah amen thank you so much I thank you so much for your time and thank you so much uh for your heart um I know that I've shared this before but there are so many uh people in my life so many students on our campus that when whenever you've come they have their lives have been so transformed there's been a healing just in your presence and you allowing the Lord to work through you and and that's not just them that's

also me so I'm so grateful uh for your time as I said for your heart and for who you are uh not only to the church but to me personally uh just thank you and uh please know I'm praying for you and we praying for all the people who are joining us this Advent as they prepare to see the Lord face to face amen thank you thanks n [Music]