Life lessons from a people pleaser

hi guys welcome back to my channel my name is Liz um okay so today I've decided to do things differently I want to share some life lessons with you guys that I have learned uh being an extreme people pleaser you know people Pleasers they see the world kind of differently and you know why because people really treat them differently and they treat them like you know trash basically yeah if your people please are watching this you know what I mean you know I have been bullied my whole life like in my house I was bullied

and in school I was bullied and I'm not talking bullied as in like oh just like making fun of my appearance no no I was physically hit I don't really want to go into my bully story I uh I think I will in like an interview or a podcast that I do if you guys are interested but to give you guys a little context like there was one school that I was severely bullied at where basically there was this one instance that like the guys in the class that used to bully me they uh told

this other guy who was also getting bullied in my class um to punch me in the face and I honestly I was like just minding my business because I was like just leave me alone you know I was just doing my stuff on the computer and then they they were really rattling this guy up to punch me in the face and then that guy I knew he didn't want to do it but obviously if you're getting bullied and then they're pressuring you he came over and he literally punched me in the face and I looked

at him and obviously it hurts so I started crying and I ran to the principal's office and I was like when are you guys gonna help me like I'm literally getting bullied during gym classes they like the guys would throw the basketballs I mean really hard that I would walk out of the class like crying and bawling my eyes out but it wasn't only men that was bullying me women as well like uh in another school I was going to like for example these girls thought it was funny to roll me up into a carpet

during gym class and I couldn't breathe I literally thought I was dying I was like please like release me I was like yelling and they couldn't even hear me I thought at that moment I was dying but you know why I was getting bullied so much because this girl could not stand up for herself this girl literally had no boundaries and I would do anything and everything to just be liked by people you know sometimes you cannot fit into places because you were meant to stand out and I did not realize this I did not

fit in I did not because I was not like the rest I literally was the weird one out I did not think like the other people in my class I had a really weird understanding of the world so I wanted to constantly dim myself in order to fit in with them and they didn't like me the thing as well was that at home I would never tell my parents um or my siblings that I was getting bullied because I I had so many issues at home already and uh I like I was getting abused at

home as well so I didn't want to be like the drama child or the child that brought like issues home you know so I would just like you know like suck it up suck it up and there was one time that my sister actually found out that I was getting bullied because she went to the school where I was like physically hit and stuff by those men and um basically one of my former classmates these girls she had told her like oh my God like you don't know how much your sister was getting bullied in

this school and all these things and my sister came home and she was like Liz like were you getting bullied and I was like huh no you know I was so embarrassed and she was like why did you not tell me and my sister's like the kind of person like she does not get bullied you do not talk to my sister disrespectfully anything my sister has this mentality of like I'd rather have people fear me than disrespect me so people would not treat her the same way it was brought up in a way that was

like okay Liz you are gonna listen if you don't listen you'll get abused you know you got physically abused so for me when when somebody even though this day asks me something and I don't want to answer or I don't want to do it I go into like a trans mode and I answer or I I just do what they ask me to do because it's it's like installed in me you know it's like either that or you'll get hurt so I really am still struggling with this and I'm still going to therapy with this

and this is why I love therapy guys by the way and that's why I'm advocating for therapy therapist is one that told me Liz this is not who you are and you can actually change this around so it gave me a lot of Hope as well I'm telling you therapy changed my life however I do know that therapy can be quite expensive and that's why I want to thank better health for sponsoring this video better help is the world's largest therapy service and it's 100 online with better help you get access to a network of

over 30 000 license and experienced therapists that can help you with any issue you might be facing to get started you answer a few questions about your needs and preferences in therapy so that better health can match you with the right therapist from the network then you can talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable whether it's via text chat phone or video call you can message your therapist at any time and schedule live sessions whenever it's convenient for you so if the therapist you gone it's not the right it for you better help allows

you to switch therapists with no additional charge it would better help you get the same professionalism as an in-person therapist but at a way more affordable price to betterhelp.com wizard list of your first month and I've also linked them down below in the description let's get right into it the first thing I learned being a people pleaser is basically people will keep treating you like trash until you get boundaries for yourself and you are firm about them see the big issue with me was I would let you treat me badly and I would just forgive

you quickly and that's it like I would be like oh yeah you can do that but yet tomorrow I'm talking to you again why am I talking to you isn't that people are so comfortable saying whatever to you but the reason that people are so comfortable to ask you whatever is because you don't stand up for yourself it's because you don't have the courage to say Hey listen do not speak to me like that or Hey listen do not treat me like that and even when you do say that they know that you're easy to

forgive you will like quickly be like oh yeah okay it's fine and you guys are friends tomorrow again no this is where you go wrong when you tell someone Hey listen do not speak to me like that and they still continue to do it you do not talk to them you do not go near them you protect yourself and your boundaries I distance myself from a lot of people that are not willing to meet my boundaries not willing to meet my standards if a family member some family members I was like okay you are not

willing to respect me then leave me alone I'm not asking for of crazy things I'm asking for respect I'm asking to be treated like a human being and you're unable to do that then you're unable to stay in my life if you tell a person that truly loves you Hey listen I don't feel comfortable when you do this to me I don't feel comfortable when you say this to me they will actually try to change it and and make you feel more comfortable but when you say that to a person that benefits from using you

and you having no boundaries they will get offended and they will be like oh you change now you feel better no I don't allow you to treat me like anymore another thing I learned is stop making excuses for people that treat you badly no I don't care about how they're feeling I don't care about their mental fate I don't care about what they're going through I was going through a lot of stuff as well and would show up to school and try to be nice to people it's not an excuse you are 100 in control

of how you treat others and if you can't if you can't treat other people well then you stay away from people because there is no reason that you should be hurting other people because you are hurt no way and there's no reason that you should be accepting and making excuse for other people that are hurting you because you think like oh that's sad for them but what about you do we ever feel sad about ourselves like it's so good and everything is everybody's like oh you're so Noble for caring about others but when you care

about yourself you're selfish no there's one girl in my school yeah and she used to bully me so badly she was like one of the popular girls but she was so mean to me and um she basically was to make fun of my appearance would make fun of my lips and then uh basically uh I would always think like oh yeah but it's because her father left her at a young age that's why she has trauma from that and that's really sad and stuff but Liz like you're sitting there you're getting abused every day at

home and you don't treat her like that so why was I feeling empathy for her when she had no empathy towards me and you know why she had no empathy towards me because I had no empathy towards myself I would rather feel bad for her than I would feel bad for myself and that was my big issue I could not put myself first you are not a bad person for having boundaries and standing up for yourself see I I think like as well when I am a people pleaser I have this belief of like oh

no I just want people to like me I I don't want to cause drama I don't want to be a burden so I'm gonna do whatever they ask me to do or I'm not going to speak up for myself I'm not a bad person because I have boundaries or I am willing to speak up for myself I am actually a person that respects myself because it's not that you're gonna go out there and be a mean person or be unkind to anyone no when somebody crosses your boundary and you're not comfortable for something for example

somebody asks you an inappropriate question and you don't want to answer you say hey I prefer to not answer that question or you just completely go silent and you don't answer the question not a bad person if you if you don't answer the question you know you're not a bad person for saying I don't feel comfortable with this I I want to honor myself and my own needs thing I learned is uh people don't have the same heart or intentions as you see for me I was uh always very isolated even as a kid I

didn't have many friends and constantly like when I would have a friend or encounter them they would do something to me that was completely like that was so bad and then I was like end up crying to my mom and stuff and I would say like Mom why would they do that I would never do that why would they do that and I was really naive in my thinking but my mom constantly tell me Liz people had do not have the same heart as you people are not the same as you and I could not

understand this until I grew up and I saw so many toxic toxic people and then I was like yeah my mom is right you really have to get into the mindset of okay other people are not like me I cannot expect them to act like me or to do like or to not do things that I wouldn't do no you have to be able to accept that okay they will do things that I don't like and and they will cross boundaries but then how do I react to it how do I allow them to treat

me that's the question you should ask yourself because you have power over that you don't have power about how they are or how they treat you but you do have power over how what you allow and how you react it is a big deal like most of the time when you are a people pleaser people will tell you when you get angry or something or they cross your boundary or whatever that you are overreacting like it's not that big of a deal no it is if it is a big deal to you what do they

know how can they feel your feelings you are in your body if you felt hurt by this or you felt that that was not the way they should have been treated you then yeah that's fair tell them no it is a big deal I'm hurt by this I don't care what you feel because you don't feel what I feel right now you don't feel the hurt that I feel right now so honor your feelings listen to them if you are hurt then yes it is a big deal they have hurt you it doesn't matter how

small the situation might have been don't let them Gaslight you into telling you what what you feel is right or wrong no you know yourself best you know your feelings if this hurts you then it hurts you and you can honor that another thing I learned is to look at people's actions and not what they tell me see in life I would hear a lot of oh this I love you unless I love you always I'm your best friend this and that and then I was like everyone claims to love me but I don't feel

loved by anyone and it's constantly like you have to look at how to treat you do they treat you well do they treat you with respect do they actually say to you like hey Liz if I'm gonna do this for you do they actually do it if you need them do they actually show up look at their actions do not look at what they tell you because I'm telling you I promise you people will put words in your ears like like it will be magical like a whole musical they will make of it and if

you believe anything then you'll be easily manipulated and you will go down like years and years maybe even stuck in a relationship because they keep promising you stuff no look at how they're treating you what is it that they're actually doing how are they making you feel that is most important do not look at words I do not trust words I trust action you have to start asking people when they ask you something that you didn't like or whatever or they do something that you didn't like then you have to start asking why did you

feel comfortable to say that to me or why did you feel comfortable to do that to me I start asking this question and you know why first of all you will start to understand maybe they'll actually give you an explanation as to why or maybe you gave they will say you gave off this Vibe or whatever so you can literally look at yourself and be like okay next time maybe like I should literally change that so people don't don't do that again you know or they will feel really embarrassed by what they did and they

will not give an explanation and then you can also see like whoa this person does not have the right intentions with me but ask people why they did what they did to you another thing is start asking yourself am I doing this for me or am I doing this for someone else like for example I one time I had like this one friend and she basically were meeting up and stuff and she was basically like gonna bring me to this guy that I didn't want to go to and I told her already I I don't

feel comfortable with this person but like when I was on my way she was telling me we're going somewhere else then I was on my way to the car and then she calls me she's like yeah we're gonna go to this guy and then I was like I was like shocked and I didn't want to say anything so I just closed the phone then I called my other friend and then I was like yeah she's telling me to go there I don't know what to do and then she was like Liz what do you want

to do and then I was like I don't want to go there I don't want to go to this guy and then she was like okay then you go home so then I was like yeah you're right so then I called the friend I was like I'm not coming and then I told like uh the driver to go home so then I'm at home and then I started to develop this mentality of like okay am I doing this for me or am I doing this for someone else because if I had went I would have

went because she wanted to you know but every time I say yes to something when I really want to say no I am saying no to myself and what will happen down the line is I will become so insecure because I'm always putting list down in other for other people to feel good and comfortable but how does that make me makes me this big and small and then in like future and stuff I would be afraid to speak up for myself so no if now I'm thinking like okay they are asking me to do this

do I want to do this um no okay I won't do it like literally you have to start thinking that simple do things when when you feel like it's good for you do them when you don't feel like it aligns with you and your purpose you do not do them no matter what they say no matter what they want you to do do not push yourself down to make someone else go up it's not your job to fix them see me I constantly want to help people ever since I was young I want to help

everyone like if if you come to me with like whatever I remember like even one time like I literally my last money there was like this home soon that came up to me I had no money and this was like my last money and was like yeah please I need it like I have a son this and that and I was like yeah yeah she needs it more than me so I gave my last money to her but I didn't have any money you know but then it was like you know what the whole thing

was I was so comfortable with like a disrespecting myself and what I need in order to help other people and that is not good that is not good and sometimes I truly believe that God like makes people go through stuff because that is their path you cannot intervene you cannot beat hero and try to help them because you're intervening God's plan for them stay in your lane sometimes you don't have to help people it's not your job it's it's your job to take care of you it's your job to take care of you it's okay

if they don't like you people not everyone will like you you know it's like it's normal that people don't like if people have different interests people they they don't care some people are just general haters you know if you don't have friends that's fine sometimes you can't fit in something because you're at the wrong place the wrong people are surrounding you maybe you are just an extreme people pleaser and people are just like taking advantage of you like my issue so it's okay you don't have to be liked by them do you even like them

that ask yourself do I like them you know no most of the time you will not like these people that are taking advantage you or whatever so why do you need them to like you you don't need your validation you have to start validating yourself you know and especially also if you're on social media and you're scared that people will not like you whatever people hate some people hate on everyone like you can't make everyone like you let you you have to accept this my friend she told me this she was like listen there's literally

YouTube videos of cats yeah catch this plane and you will see hate comments under that like some people are just bitter let them be bitter it's okay if they don't like you don't prove yourself the only person you have to prove yourself to is yourself don't allow anyone and everyone to get close to you or to get to know you it's actually a luxury to know you that's how you have to think about yourself in life exclusive things are more valued that's why you have when you have exclusive Brands high-end Brands they're they're like for

a certain group only and they're very exclusive they're at a very high value because they're not for everyone not everyone can afford to be around them you have to see yourself that way if you just allow everyone and everybody to come in like what are you a trash collector if you just allow everyone and anyone to come close to you or to get to know you people also realize that you are someone without boundaries because you have no boundaries of who you share your energy with which is so sacred you know you are a sacred

uh Divine being so protect yourself protect yourself from certain people if you feel that there's a A vibe that's off okay don't don't get too closer to them don't let them get close to you like follow your intuition a little bit about people it's much more important to have quality over quantity these days I have like one best friend I have my sister who's my best friend and I am very happy with that I do not go around making lots and lots of friends and then like I don't want to be in drama or like

a reputation issues or like all this gossip no I don't want to I want to protect my energy I want to keep my energy for the people that I love for the people that I appreciate and love me as well practice saying no without explaining yourself too much see you sometimes if you don't want to go somewhere if you don't want to go out you can just say like no I don't feel like it you know to your friends you don't have to constantly like give a whole reason why or make something up or one

of your 10 grandmas died you know no sometimes you just have to be I don't feel like it I don't feel well no just no simple no it's okay to say no and people that actually love you will not get offended by that they will actually appreciate it and be like okay fine we'll tell you if there's anything that you need just let them know or if you want to talk just let them know but if you want space then that's totally up to you I recently as well started practicing saying no uh to friends

and family and honestly there's literally nothing that was wrong with that they didn't give me any crazy blowout like I thought it would be or they would hate me no not at all they're just like okay fine like it's that simple people are literally like okay they don't care you know so get that out of your head then it will be a big drama it will not just practice practice saying no yeah I know it's it's a little hard and baby steps and I that as well but it helps very important is as well to

have time to reconnect with yourself see me because I'm highly sensitive I really need a lot of alone time to connect to myself to literally hug myself and be like this is gonna be okay and literally make me feel like I am inside of my body and ground myself because a lot of times when I'm around a lot of people I pick up on their energies and like you know when you you try to help them you try this and and I can't help it like right as if right now I still cannot control it

my my constantly trying to help um but it's very draining so then I go into isolation mode because I need to recover from all that but now I've realized that I need time to reconnect with myself I need time to do things that I love and take care of my myself in order so that I can also be you know presentable for other people and I just really enjoy like spending time with myself I enjoy spending time with my cat he helps me a lot with my emotions um I just enjoy doing things by myself

and getting to know myself better so have time to do that like literally sometimes you sit even with yourself and just stare at a wall let your thoughts flow write down Journal meditate all these things it's very beautiful and last but not least is forgive yourself for the past times you've let the people treat you badly because honestly it's okay like we're all learning it's not your fault like if we did not go through that we would not have the wisdom right now on how to handle it and I am honestly very very grateful for

everything I went through because it made me so wise like literally I know a lot about people I know a lot about like how to handle situations so I'm really grateful for that um it's okay like I forgive myself there's no point in being angry at yourself you know my uh my therapist she told me this because I was literally like I was telling her like yeah all this I can't stop people pleasing and I was getting really angry at myself and she was like Liz the anger is not gonna help because once again you

are getting angry at your inner child who was manipulated into thinking that the only way she would receive love was if she did whatever the other person asked and again you are abusing her by getting angry at her and she was like Liz she doesn't need more anger she needs love and that's when I realized like yeah you're absolutely right I need to be more kinder to myself I need to be more gentle with myself and forgive myself for the ways I have allowed other people to treat me and the only way I can do

now is look forward and have boundaries and make sure people don't treat me like that and little by little get where I want to get it takes a lot of practice like literally I'm standing here today I'm the wizardless I have millions of followers and still today I have people pleasing Tendencies I even had like recently a fan come up to me and was like go stand over there I'm gonna take a picture of you and I was like I was in my head think like I don't want to do that but I couldn't say

no so then I stood there and I I like let them take a picture of me and then I was like why did I not say no and then the same day as well I had like uh some person that I knew asked me some really inappropriate questions that I just answered because I I didn't feel like I couldn't like not answer them so then I remember my sister she was she came to visit me then and I was literally standing outside imagine I'm like millions of followers at the wizardless I'm standing outside I'm starting

to cry and bawl my eyes out because I cannot stop pleasing and I cannot like stand up for myself so it takes practice so now like little by little I'm starting to say like hey um I didn't like this or hey I don't want to answer your question and honestly I see that like I don't get a bad response or something from it like it genuinely just normal so yeah it takes practice so guys like I said we're all healing together we're in this together and uh yeah I'm healing you guys are still healing so

yeah I love you guys so much I hope you learned something from this video and yeah I see you in the next video bye guys bye