How to Protect Your Peace 😌 Simple steps for stress-free living

In today's chaotic world, achieving inner peace can often feel out of reach. So many of us are overwhelmed by stress and negativity, feeling drained and disconnected. You're at the whim of others and external triggers until you can learn to truly protect your peace.

Wanna learn how to reclaim your peace? Hi, my loves. Welcome back to Lavendaire.

Today I'm sharing simple strategies to help you reduce stress, reclaim your peace, and nurture your happiness and wellbeing, a reminder that your inner peace is within your control. So let's work on it. Before we begin, make sure you're subscribed to this channel and you click that bell to get notified of all my new videos on personal growth and lifestyle design.

Number one, set boundaries. So we are responsible for setting our own boundaries. Otherwise, if you don't set any boundaries, people are gonna walk all over you, make you do too much, make you feel uncomfortable, etc.

So know what you are okay with and what you are not okay with. And then once you've decided that, communicate that to the people around you, whether that's in your relationship, with your family, with your coworkers, with your friends. It's important to clearly communicate what your boundaries are so that people know.

And if they overstep it, then that's kind of like they're in the wrong. But if you don't communicate it in the first place, you can't really get mad at other people for overstepping your boundaries. So it's not something that you have to communicate right away, but say someone asks something of you, you have to be strong enough to communicate, "Oh, that's not okay with me.

I'm busy. I can't help you with that. " You have to be strong enough to know what your boundary is and clearly communicate your boundaries because boundaries are how you protect your energy and protect your peace.

If you wanna go deeper on how to get better at setting boundaries, I have another video specifically on that topic. I'll link it here and down below. Number two, limit your exposure to negative influences.

So take a look at your life, look at the people, the environments, the activities that you do, the media you consume, and really gauge, okay, where is it draining you? Where does the energy feel negative? Where does it feel toxic?

Where does it feel like, "Oh, that's not good for me. That doesn't feel good. That is interrupting my peace.

That is triggering me, making me angry, making me frustrated, or stressing me out. "? So identify those things.

It could be people. It could be environments. It could be anything.

But anything that feels like a negative influence on your life, do your best to cut it out or limit it if possible. So an easy example is if there are people who tend to be really negative and they like to complain a lot and they tend to vent to you and you notice that it's really bringing you down, then that is an example of where you can create some distance, create some boundary, either communicate to them, "Doing that much venting is not okay with me. It's interrupting my mental health and my peace" So work it out from there.

Environment is also another big one. And sometimes this is a little out of our control, especially if you're young, you're living in a home that feels really negative. That does happen.

So in those cases where you can't exactly remove yourself from the environment, do what you can to limit your exposure to it. And what I mean by that is maybe find a hobby, join a club where you spend time outside of that home or that negative environment. Find ways for you to not be in that negative energy so much.

There's always a way. Don't look at it as black and white. Look at it as like the spectrum of gray area.

There's a lot you can do to make improvements. There's always room for progress. So focus on that instead of telling yourself, "Oh, it's impossible.

I can't change my situation. " If you need more help with setting boundaries and dealing with negative influences in your life, consider therapy. So thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video.

Therapy has been a helpful tool in guiding me to understand and heal the people pleaser in me. Over the years, I've gotten so much better at setting boundaries and protecting my peace. It's become much clearer what I can and cannot control.

So I don't overextend myself or put too much of a burden on myself for things that I can't control. I'm more equipped with a positive and flexible mindsets, and I've become more comfortable with putting myself and my needs first. In therapy, I learned mindfulness techniques that taught me to pause and observe my reactions in real time, allowing me to consciously choose self-compassion, rather than defaulting to people pleasing.

If you are interested in trying therapy, BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice. To get started, just go to betterhelp. com/aileen, answer a few questions, and BetterHelp will match you with a professional who can help you with your needs.

You can do it all from your phone or computer via phone call, video chat, or messaging. Let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you all from the comforts of your own home. Visit betterhelp.

com/aileen or choose Lavendaire during signup, and enjoy a special discount on your first month. (gentle music) Number three, don't take anything personally. It's not about you.

So this is taken from the book, "The Four Agreements," which is one of my favorite books, and this chapter especially changed my mindset. It really opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. So if you haven't read that book, I highly recommend it.

But to summarize, don't take anything personally. It just means that whatever you encounter in life, whatever people say about you, people's opinions, or just anything really, it's not about you. Don't take it personally.

People are not trying to offend you on purpose. It's that people are mirrors. And so this is something that's very important to understand is that whatever people express outwardly is a reflection of who they are within.

So someone who has a very dark heart, like someone who's been really hurt in the past, they will be very hurtful. You've heard that saying, hurt people hurt people. It's because they are hurting so much within, they don't even realize it, but they just want to lash out at the world.

They want to have road rage and they wanna be angry. They wanna say mean things because something wants to be expressed from within, okay? And then if you think of like someone who is so loving and so pure, they're gonna just like spread love and kindness.

They're gonna just say nice things. There are some people who have such good energy because they are just so peaceful themselves. In both situations, don't take anything personally because it has nothing to do with you.

Whatever they say, it has nothing to do with you and it just is a reflection of them. You could have like a really terrible hair day and a really terrible outfit and the loving person will tell you, "Oh, you look amazing. " This is just an example that randomly came up, but if they were truly seeing the bright side of everything, they might not tell you the truth because that is their truth.

Their truth is love and positivity versus someone who is really bitter and mean is only gonna say mean things. I'm not saying that all the time, but it comes out. So anyway, this is a reminder that whatever happens in your life, certain things might trigger you, they might disturb your peace, remember that it's not about you.

Don't take it personally. That person or the situation, they have their own issues. It's a reflection of them and it's not necessarily a reflection of you.

So just something helpful to consider. All right, number four, this is a big one, is to clean up your self talk. So I'm talking about protecting your peace and I've been referring to like external triggers and people outside of us.

But to be honest, a lot of the times, we are the disturbers of our own peace. It is really what's going on up here that makes us feel like we're struggling and suffering all the time. Imagine if you truly said nice things to yourself and you truly loved yourself, everything was truly okay, you put no pressure on yourself, no stress, everything's gonna be fine, no worries, that is peace.

You would be able to live more peacefully. But a lot of us struggle with being like that because we have this internal critic. We have this negative self-talk.

We criticize ourselves. We doubt ourselves. We stress ourselves out.

We have anxiety. So much of it is internal that a huge part of protecting your peace and really nourishing your inner self is to learn to clear up that self-talk, is to learn to become aware of where am I being toxic? Where am I being negative?

Where am I stressing myself out? And literally write it out. Write it out in a notepad, the negative self-talk that you tend to say to yourself, like, "I'm not good enough.

I can't do that. I'm not capable. I don't believe in myself.

" Whatever it is, write it down, make it known so that you're aware, you're aware of your toxic self, and then you choose to be better than that. You can always choose to flip those thoughts. Yeah, those thoughts are there, but your thoughts are not you.

You can change what you choose to believe. You don't have to believe every single thought that you think. That was like a game changer for me.

I learned that from therapy. I used to think, "Oh, my thoughts are how I feel and it's the truth," but your thoughts are not the truth. Thoughts are just opinions.

They are not fact. And in fact, you can choose which thoughts you choose to believe in. You can choose to believe you are capable or you can choose to believe you're not capable.

Whichever one you believe, that's gonna be the truth. That's gonna be how you live out your life. So what you choose to believe in your thoughts is so important.

It's so essential, and there's so much I can go in depth with in rewriting your limiting beliefs. I actually have a video that I'll recommend. I'll put it here.

It's a video where I share a practical exercise, a worksheet on how to rewrite limiting beliefs, but I've made a lot of videos on that topic. Yeah, I'll post some down below as well. Moving on to number five, practice self-care and mindful habits.

So you have to be taking care of yourself. That is one huge way to protect your peace. If you are not taking care of yourself, if you're overextending yourself, depleting yourself, your energy is draining, that's when you get just cranky, you're easily triggered.

You're just not in a good place. So it's so important to prioritize self-care and the mindful habits that keep you centered, that keep you feeling balanced, and peaceful, and calm, and positive. So it's different for everyone, but some really great habits that I love and recommend are meditation, some sort of movement, whether it's yoga, walking.

Any type of exercise really is good for making you feel balanced and positive. Journaling is huge for me because that's how I let out my emotions. It's how I kind of regulate how I feel and just come back to center.

And things like simple breathing exercises. Learn some breathing exercises to calm your heart rate, to calm down your nervous system. That is how you protect your peace.

There's so many like practical exercises and applications that you can learn and that you can do. The key here is to do them consistently. Literally make it like a non-negotiable in your daily routine to do something to nurture your self-care, do something to protect your peace.

So whether it's like meditation in the morning, breathing exercises throughout the day or in the evening, some stretching, anything. Make sure you commit to something consistently. Number six, unplug from media and technology.

So it's not realistic to unplug all the time. Clearly we have to stay connected, and technology, media is a part of life, but don't overdo it. I have this video on how to stop doomscrolling that is super popular because a lot of us have this problem with over scrolling on social media, or the news, or Twitter, or whatever you consume.

Know that when you are scrolling some sort of online media, most of the time it's an algorithm and it's out of your control. You're not being intentional what you're watching next. You're just seeing whatever Instagram, or TikTok, or whatever feeds you.

The algorithm is recommending stuff to you. And because the recommendations are basically out of your control, you cannot control when you see something that disturbs your peace, whether it's like an article, or someone's opinion, or it could be anything. But there are some things that just get you riled up, or maybe it's some posts that make you feel insecure, that make you start worrying about yourself, getting self-conscious, or stressing you out.

There are so many things out there that can disturb our peace. So the best thing you can do is to just limit your time scrolling media and technology. Be as intentional as you can with whatever media you consume.

So like I said, you can't control what comes up, but make sure you're following accounts that are positive, that don't disturb your peace. And something that I like to do is I literally put time limits on all of the apps on my phone. Like I give myself like 30 minutes on social media apps a day on my phone because I have to make sure that I don't overdo it, even if it's my job.

Sometimes I find myself scrolling because I wanna research and see what's out there, but then I end up staying on it for hours and then not feeling great about myself. So anyway, be as intentional as you can about the media you consume and do your best to limit it, positive influences as much as possible. Which brings me to my next point, design a positive environment.

So we are a product of our environment and I don't think we realize how much of an influence our environment has on us, our lives, our mindsets, our routines. Even the layout of your home and the way you set things up in your room can influence your routine. And even the apps you have on your phone, the layout of the apps can influence your routine.

Because if you have like social media apps right in the front, or messaging right in the front, you're bound to like click on whatever's easy, you're bound to reach for whatever's easy. So reminder to design a positive environment that suits you, that suits the ideal life that you want to live. So things you can do is maybe start your day with positive calming music.

I love to play meditation, calming music, or classical music when I'm at home to just feel peaceful vibes. I'm all about calm vibes at home. And also, you can like play positive affirmations.

I know you guys love the positive affirmations that I make on this channel. Even things like having good people around you. The people that you see every day, the people that you talk to every day, that's also part of your environment.

What else is part of your environment? Healthy food. You just want to make sure that you have good vibes all around.

And another big thing is for me especially, is to not have too much clutter in the home. And I say that because my ideal is clean and tidy, but the reality is it is very messy often because Wilson is definitely messier than I am. I'm messy too sometimes, but anyway.

I realize that I feel so much better when everything is organized, everything is in its place, and my countertops are clear. It just feels so good. It feels so clear.

My mind is clear when when my space is clear. So just do your best to create a positive environment, but also remember that no one's perfect. Things are not going to be perfect in your environment, but you just have to kind of deal with it.

But whatever you can change or whatever you can control, focus on that. Focus on putting a book by your nightstand if you wanna read, or put your favorite calming music playlist on the top so you don't have to search and do so much work to get to where you wanna go. Make sure everything that you want in your ideal life is easily within reach.

Then it will help you create your ideal routine and ideal lifestyle. Number eight, find healthy outlets to express your emotions. So the reality of it is, no matter how much we try to protect our peace, sometimes our peace just has to get disturbed.

We sometimes feel these uncomfortable or negative emotions, and that's totally okay. All humans feel emotions. You would be weird if you just were peaceful all the time.

So in order to get those emotions out in a healthy way, you have to find the right outlets. So find the outlets that feel good to you, whether it is journaling it out, like I mentioned earlier, exercising, running, blasting exciting music in your ears, and running really hard, sometimes that does it. Or, for me, I also love singing.

I love dancing. I feel like incorporating music, whether you're listening to music, singing or dancing, really helps me express those emotions. It just really helps me get that energy out in a healthy way.

Unhealthy way to express would be to lash out at your partner, I don't know, just be annoying and have road rage. Those are negative ways to express your emotions. The positive ways are let me belt this song or let me scream to this like screamo song.

I don't listen to screamo, but if anyone does. For me, it's just. .

. You can also find a safe space where you can let out these emotions, whether you want to jump around and kick or literally find a place where you can scream at the top of your lungs if you like that. Everyone is different.

So find what works for you. But there's definitely always a healthy way to express your emotions. Number nine is to practice daily gratitude.

So gratitude is one of those things that the more you practice it, the happier you will become. I don't know why. It's just like magic.

Just when you focus on good things, more good things come, more good feelings come. I didn't make the rules. So if you can find time to practice gratitude every single day, whether it is a simple write three things you're grateful for every day or whether it's before you go to bed, you just say what you're grateful for to yourself.

Find your gratitude practice that works for you. But the more you practice gratitude, the more you're rewiring your brain to think with gratitude. The more you practice it, the more you go about life, and then you find things to feel grateful for.

Having a mindset of gratitude helps you pick up on the little things in life and the little moments in life to be grateful for. If you're not used to thinking about what you're grateful for, then you just go about life kind of on autopilot, and a lot of these beautiful things, beautiful moments happen to you, but you kind of don't see them. You're kind of like, "Oh, that's just life, whatever, whatever.

" And so you're not like taking time to like look at it and truly appreciate like, "Wow, that was really amazing. " Something as simple as let's say you bump into a friend unexpectedly. The amount of factors that had to come, that had to happen in order for that to happen is actually pretty amazing if you think of the statistics or probability of it.

So if you had a grateful mindset, you'd be like, "Wow, that was so amazing that I got to see this friend unexpectedly. Life is so amazing. I'm so grateful.

" So making gratitude a daily practice really helps you work that gratitude muscle. It really rewires your mind for positivity and you just feel good about life. It really makes you a happier person.

Final tip number 10 is to choose yourself. It's not selfish. It's called self-love and compassion.

So this is a reminder, especially if you're the type of person that tends to put others before yourself. You tend to put everyone else or everything else above yourself. Remember to choose yourself.

Because if you don't choose yourself, nobody's gonna be choosing you because they're choosing themselves as well. So you have to be the one to protect yourself, protect your peace. You have to be the one to nurture yourself.

Give yourself what you need, be your own best friend, be your own lover, be your own guide. Literally be your number one cheerleader. Be your number one person for you because nobody else is doing that for you.

You might have someone. . .

Yes, some people in your life may love you a lot. They may love you really hard, but they're also busy with their own lives and they're not with you 24/7, but guess who is. You.

You are with yourself 24/7. So in order for you to truly be really great at protecting your peace, you have to learn to choose yourself. And this simply means to align all of your actions, all of your decisions with your own values and beliefs.

Don't do anything that doesn't feel good to you. Everything that you do, all the choices you make should align with what feels good to you and who you are, who you wanna be. Choose yourself means always do what's best for you.

Put yourself first. Don't sacrifice. Don't overextend yourself.

Don't do too much. Don't deplete yourself because you have to think about taking care of yourself first. Basically, don't sacrifice your peace or wellbeing for anything or anyone.

And if you do find yourself sacrificing your peace and wellbeing for anything or anyone, then it better be worth it. Maybe it's your baby and you're a mother, yeah, we gotta sacrifice some sleep and some things. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it.

And in a way, that's also choosing yourself because you chose that. You chose and you decided that you would want to sacrifice yourself in this situation. Let me know down below, from one to 10, how peaceful do you feel in your life right now?

One being not peaceful at all, everything's chaos and crazy. 10 is I have reached inner peace and enlightenment. All right, let me know down below.

And also let me know which one of these tips was your favorite, which one of these tips are you going to work on next? Because you don't have to work on all of them at once. You can pick one that resonates with you and then start to implement that in your life.

All right, sending you so much love. And don't forget to check below for more videos on reclaiming your peace, reducing stress, setting boundaries, all of that. Sending you lots of love, and I'll see you in the next one.

Bye.