Truth About What You Want

I make a distinction between pain and suffering pain is inevitable with sentient beings you're going to stub your toe you're going to get tooth AE and get stomach ache but suffering I want you to consider is optional once we have new found awareness most people I want you to consider are always trying to get away from something so even the things that we want and of course we've got beautiful examples of what we want I want you to consider wanting is a future-based proposition right if we want for something what we're actually saying is we

don't have it and usually the wanting is something outside of us it's exogenous like what are some other the things that anyone wants so you're happy to share again you can be as vulnerable as you want Rel how long have you not had a great relationship with your daughters um three years three years okay this is significant and their teens 20s how old are they 19 20 okay great um and so currently having the absence of a better relationship with your daughters how does that leave you feeling s yes I got it okay I'm sorry

to hear that there dad died like two years ago okay I'm sorry to hear that and I feel guilty about it so why is it that you're associating the passing of your partner with guilt she died of alcoholism okay got it the last five years were really really tough but we were together got it and then finally got so bad I'm like you got to yeah and when and when they left I you and my soul that he wasn't going to make it okay he didn't make it okay got it and so there's belts that

I hav't and so now how are you associating that with your daughters because they're hurt right for the passing of their dad and do you feel they're also blaming you got it and just we get it it's very clear but give us as best as you're willing to share what is the impact for you of looking through that story that if you hadn't asked him to leave that he wouldn't have passed and the impact that that had and the ramifications on your daughters like what does that leave you feeling that I was just strong enough

okay got like had I musle through it like maybe he would have got better yeah and then he would gotten cured and then he'd be at home and we'd all be together and they'd be happy and they'd yeah and they wouldn't be mad at me got it it's really meaningful for me that On's here but it's it touches me that you're willing to share the story fact that we've never met right so first what it shows your courage and your commitment as a mother and I just want to acknowledge that and the Beautiful dedication you

have to even I can't imagine what you went through during the course of that relationship and how hard that was I have so much reverence for women but particularly mothers that we men could never possibly understand what a woman like you goes through so I just I just want you to know and hear that and that I see you for everything that you've gone through that I couldn't possibly imagine or understand this is something that is so beautiful because it's human right and especially for a woman and especially for a mother where we really take

it on as though it's our fault right guilt and shame a very very popular way is to relate to ourselves and I want you to consider outside of this beautiful story that we're all very I feel very fortunate to be a part of I want you to consider that every human being is looking through the lens of some form of judgment and usually multiple forms and invariably it's all self-directed right it's something I did something I did wrong and we see this in kids even in the most horrific and heinous of traumas that kids experience

they're confused right and we can go to the extremes of sexual abuse and physical abuse where the child abandons itself under the impression that it's he she did something wrong so in this particular story which really is it's it's so beautiful because her dedication is really to what I said I want to talk to right which is love and I want you to consider it may seem like a broad statement that every form of emotion is just a different iteration of love like when people grieve it's an expression of love when people are disappointed it's

really an expression of love you didn't get what you wanted you know when people are sad in this case it's a feeling the absence of love right so again what I want you to understand is this is such a beautiful commitment to your capacity to love but the only thing that I see missing is the fact that you're not including yourself in that right which is of course a woman a mother's prerogative usually right it's about everybody else first so every human being is doing the best they can within the limits of their awareness and

their conditioning and our conditioning gets really well formed in the formative years right regardless of what we go through and some people go through horrific things but I would assert that every human being just by virtue of being in this Dimension is going to go through whatever they need to trigger the constraints with which we arrived in those formative years cly between two and 17 right like we we've really pretty much turned on any kind of Primal prison that we have in our subconscious I'm not wanted I'm not good enough I'm not loved I'm not

valued I'm not special usually in the realm of not right so just having been with your husband for 19 years what were some of the things that he might say or talk about himself he had a lot of NS and I was constantly trying to make it better yeah of course beautiful so you can hear that like so he she could recognize and who here can relate first of all to some sense of not enough whether it's not you but yeah somebody else okay it's pretty popular way of living or not living depending how you

look at it yeah okay great so so you're aware of this right and so what I want you to understand is that you're we engage with human beings in the most beautiful way and I've been reading a lot about the power of relationships really and like the actual meaning of relationships and I would assert based on one of my quotes that everyone seems to love is that life will present us with people in circumstances to reveal where we're not free and so the relationship that you had with your partner and now through your daughters is

really exposing where you're not free does that make sense and yeah as long as we sort of expose we superimpose the way that we feel because of like your guilt is because of like you asked him to leave three years ago or the fact that you have a bit of a disharmonious relationship with your daughters right now is because of right their hurt and it's because of right there's this Cascade right your real Primal issue that you brought up is to have a better relationship with your daughters but you don't have a good relationship with

your daughters cuz they're hurt and why they hurt well cuz the dad died and why did the dad die because it's your fault that you ask him to Le right so you start to see all this cookie Trail but really what it comes back down to is that you did something [Music] wrong yeah does that does that make sense yeah if guilt and shame can only live within the container that we think we did something wrong can you remember a time going back to your childhood where you maybe felt that anything come to mind a

few things many anything that really stands out I mean almost too many yeah I got it I can see it in your system yeah so what what one do you think was probably the most painful for young you um talking too much talking too much okay and was that who said that Mom Dad teachers both mom teachers mom and teachers okay you were you too much you yeah yeah yeah can you remember where where was one time that you were talking too much like go to go to the place library in the library okay that

would be a terrible place to talk too much would beautiful Example The Librarian gosh nicknamed me Monica motor mouth and it and it stuck with me like from second grade like till I left mon motor mouth that's a great potential for a cartoon character or something okay mon out that was not done oh no no no I get the whole world you're in and I'm I can't wait to burst your bubble so how old were you when you in this Library s seven okay and so why was it you're reading books to friends you're talking

with friends you're playing in the corner with friends yeah just talking just just not being interested in Books Okay so the librarian Monica Mo M and then where would it happen at home with Mom oh then she called to my mom and then my mom was just like infuriated that I was disruptive and like you know so not only you doing something wrong now you're also bad right let's throw that in the mix cuz it just anything to amplify you know the sort of self- negation and feeling of inadequacy so you're seven so the first

time you get told that like what what was that like when you're like just a kid you know seven motor mouthing your way away in the library yeah and your librarian friend tells you that you're like too noisy and could you like what did that feel like for that little seven-year-old it hurt my feelings and it embarrassed me because she said it like out loud in front of everybody yeah guilt and shame and then she told the teacher and then the teacher said it in the classroom oh wow it was it was just was like

yeah and then you go home and mom hears about it and so she reinforces it and so from that moment forth what decision did you make about yourself that I was disruptive you're disruptive yeah and so what did you decide you had to do in order to compensate for that clean clean clean yeah okay can you expand like anything like the library floor like that my mom that would make people happy like like it would be tidy be useful be of service like okay so I became like jealous with my yeah like I run around

and pop everything and make it like night you know like like yeah be of service t Okay amazing yeah and we could put that under the oaces of maybe just saying like be a good girl right and get everything right yeah yeah so are you tracking guys could anyone relate to this story are there any other wrong bad children in here so I digress okay so Monica modor mouth which I just I think that's just such an epic Monica but anyway it's all the M's okay so we really get the world of that right so

that little seven-year-old who's been shamed embarrassed in front of everyone then the class then at home and then your coping strategy is like well I'm just going to become the good girl in this case I'm going to clean where does that show up in your life today when I get nervous I clean yeah okay like when he died I did his laundry and I folded it and I put it back well I I unpacked his suitcase yeah took it home did his laundry put it back yeah like and and the house became very very organized

like just yeah if it's organized you'll be happy because you know where everything is yeah I get it yeah I really get the world that you live in and I I just again I just want to sit with it because you're quite extraordinary and and I hope you know that by the dime we're done with this conversation not just you but you're a gift for everyone you're in the hot seat right now but I promise you everyone has got their version of this right everyone is cleaning manically cleaning I'm a vgo so I can [

__ ] relate I promisees oh okay great yeah okay so when you live inside of the world that who you are is doing something wrong and that you're bad one of the coping strategies you use is to clean and be a good girl what is do you feel the impact on your emotional and physical body by living that way I got ended up with like pretty bad scoliosis okay which you know I've been doing work on around so I'm not in pain okay but my back's pretty jacked can you hear that so scoliosis back which

to me makes perfect sense right so actually ironically was just working someone in The Mastermind who had had scoliosis for 40 years until I showed her in 21 minutes she didn't right that's not to deny the subtle deformities if you want to call it that or just randomness of the positioning of her spine but to me like whenever we have something that's really back related it's sort of the excess weight that we're carrying does that make sense right so what I hear for you is living in the world where you did something wrong and your

fundamentally bad and the coping strategy is just this almost unanswerable quest to control your environment is just such a heavy weight can you feel that now you're a mom you've given birth to two kids you manag them you rear them you R so women particularly like I make this subtle distinction which is one of my favorite for women which I hope will touch all of you is that one of the greatest Gifts of any woman is resilience I've met some incredibly res resilient women but it's it's almost like a Birthright right like the design of

a woman the intuition of a woman the capacity to rear to raise to give birth but when a woman lives inside of a world that is of some compromise to her own value resilience becomes tolerance oh yeah that kind of hit right you hit do you feel that and this is where so often when I'm helping women who are in situations that really aren't very healthy and borderline abusive you know their capacity to really withstand in this case often abuse you know it might not always be physical but often sadly it is the the capacity

for a woman to be able to withstand when combined with the absence of selfworth goes from resilience power the extraordinary woman to somebody who's abandoned themselves and is able to tolerate so does that resonate so I would assert that your Anatomy is representative of the fact that you're carrying something that's not yours to carry I actually gave this example yesterday and I guess it really hit home so I'll use it again when I was speaking of this event downtown what Monica is doing sorry Monica motor mouth I don't I don't mean say is um he

said imagine you're in Phoenix and actually we got someone here from Phoenix so he can attest to this I used to work with the diamond Banks so I had to go there through the summer which is not my favorite thing to do but it's like 120 something degrees right and so it's akin to what Monica is doing and I hope you can all really resonate with this example it's like you're driving through Phoenix it's 120° out but you you crank the air conditioning in the car but you're under the impression that in order for me

to be comfortable what I have to do is roll down the windows in the car and cool down Phoenix for me to be okay does that make sense that's that's how stupid we are right it's like and especially mothers full pray to that right because it's they're sort of the end of the line right it's everyone else's needs are coming first so we get the world out of it does everyone start to sort of see particularly what Monica is dealing with and you can relate to that everybody right you got your own version of Phoenix

that you're trying to cool down Okay so we're going to do a little bit of an inquiry right to the world that you live in so your daughters are 19 and 20 can you remember either of them roughly around the age of seven great so as their mother were there times that they you recognize that they were making a lot of noise and did you recognize that okay well yes that might be frustrating maybe you're tired you're trying to prepare food they've asked you questions a million times but but you recognize but it's a seven-year-old

right it's she's a child yeah so there was sort of a discernment there that it's like okay right okay so now let's go to monik in the library who is an excitable little seven-year-old who's making noise and talking and doing whatever she is with her friends right did that version of Monica could she have done anything different at that moment in time yes or no no no you couldn't have done anything different right why because I didn't have the courage I I wasn't that was I was I wasn't permitted to talk like that or to

stand that to myself and I'm G to make it even easier for you cuz you didn't that's I love when you say that okay good good I like to please too okay great so yeah so the thing to recognize is back then when you were seven and you're excited and you're in a library and you're doing what you're doing because of the nature of linear time you one of another one of my quotes which many of you may have heard is what happened happened and couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't however what

we do and again I hope you're all tracking because I'm talking to her but I'm talking to you right so whatever your version is whatever you did wrong and I know all of you have done a lot of bad things cuz you Liv in La so first of all you've all done a lot of wrong and bad things right so I want you to understand that at that moment when you were seven you couldn't have done anything different why because that's what occurred to a seven-year-old whatever was going through your body from the state of

your conditioning the programming your genetics your excitement the temperature the friends you were with you that just couldn't have been different but because there was a moment where you felt judged and you were told you were informed that you did something wrong and you don't have the discernment as a seven-year-old to go oh librarian person you're so cute I'm seven I'm just excited right right you just feel the shame and guilt that we because this is part of the programming that we're here to reveal so that then we can fundamentally transcend so that we can

come back to real love and acceptance of ourself which is what I'm hoping you will leave here with so that seven-year-old you can see you couldn't have done anything different right so now you have different timelines so from that moment that you decided you did something wrong and you were embarrassed and now you you're bad and so your coping strategy was in your case to clean so now you have for however many years four plus decades been living in a world where you do stuff wrong and you're bad right and we get the we get

the weight of that even to the fact that it's affecting your Anatomy let alone I can't imagine how exhausting it is and how far you go above and beyond and especially to me there's no surprise with the kind of Partners we bring in right it would be perfect for you to bring in somebody that you have to quote unquote serve or to C up right because that's the way that you've conditioned yourself and I promise you that he had at the deepest level some version of he's wrong and bad too you clean he drinks do

you see this right like I shared once like I said to somebody the guy who's right now working in Santa Monica and has got a beautiful corner office and he drives a Mercedes but he's got a place in the Palisades and if that guy's here don't take it personally it's just completely made up example energetically who's worked so hard to get to the six figures the seven figures or whatever it is isn't so different from the person who is just down the streets on further on abini or in Venice who is currently hitting on some

sort of drug they they both are being defined by a very similar narrative which is perhaps I'm not wanted I'm not good enough and so when we have these fundamental limitations we tend to go either way we tend to prove it or disprove it but we're being defined by the same narrative and when I shared this with someone they were fascinated they like holy [ __ ] like so it looks like the guy who's living the big life but really has no relationship with his spouse he might even be like cheating he he has God

knows how many sort of medications in his in his cabinet because of the disease that's in his system but it looks good relative to the guy on the street who's got his version of prescribed drugs which is just buying them versus through someone in the lap code but I want you to understand the energy and the frequency of how we function as human beings that in our subconscious if we've got some form of negation of ourselves right meaning that I'm not something if who we are without getting too esoteric and spiritual is boundless Timeless beautiful

beings but the narrative is that I'm not something now we're at war with ourselves and your version of War which you you just I'm so grateful for the courage that you have to share this it speaks volumes about who you are as a human and as a mother and I just want to repeat that shows us that you like everybody else in here is at war with yourself can you see that and my commitment to all of you is to find peace one of my quotes is you can't have well peace of people are at

war with themselves do you get that how many people are out there protesting which is another form of resistance right even the resistance it's even called the resistance right the fight against cancer well how the [ __ ] do you think you got cancer in the first place you're constantly [ __ ] fighting right so for you my dear living in this world if you're not in this case doing it right or even worse you're doing it wrong and you're bad leaves you in the state of Perpetual exhaustion and the compensation and I would assert

that as I said your partner through no nothing but the miracle of mirroring had his own version you just coped in different ways that Mak sense amazing so where were you born El Paso El Paso okay great so I'm going to take you through a little exercise you up for it okay great so Monica M mouth is quite a mouthful itself so if I were to cut you open am I going to find a physical manufacturing label like material of your choice word plastic metal inside of you that says Monica born in El Paso she

is bad and does everything wrong yes or no no say it louder for the people in the back no no I'm not going to find that right no I'm going to find blood and whatever I find your genes and if someone really knew how to read your genome then they could explain why you have dark brown eyes and dark hair right like that's part of the hardware so then because we've realized as a group that you really live inside of a world where you're doing things wrong you're bad it impacts the way that you're currently

relating to your daughters which is part of the guilt and shame and this is all going to hopefully just disappear by the time we're done how how does that exist if it's not part of your Hardware where does I do things wrong and I'm bad where does it live in in my heart in my soul in my head in my in my yeah let's go with the third one The Heart I think your heart is pretty [ __ ] epic to be honest your soul impenetrable but your head you know different story for all of

us right so let's say it exists in your head and what is the form of you know I did something wrong and I'm bad what is its what is its structure like the words yeah words just yeah you're the repeating you're with me yeah the words yeah now I want you to consider all of you that she started with guilt and shame and was really talking about wanting to better her relationship with her daughters right so she's not thinking I'm bad and I'm doing something wrong maybe a periodically but it's more I just want to

have a better relationship with my daughters right that's the conscious thought that is sitting inside of this subconscious constraint called who she is is bad who she is does something wrong right so it's in words in your head so I want you to consider based on the question I had before like there's no manufacturing label inside of you right that says so you're bad and you're doing something wrong it exists in your head in words so if it's just words in your head is it an absolute truth and you can only answer yes or no

that who you are like who you are is bad and that you do things wrong no no not at all I would say if I took a poll and here people would say quite the opposite about you anyone agree with that yeah right so if it's not part of your heart Ware and it exists only a software in narrative literally language words that you decided as a seven-year-old through no for of your own because as kids we don't have the discernment but from that moment forth you created a world that you've been living in called

your bad and you do things wrong based solely in words you get that so if it's not true that what you do is wrong and that makes you bad if that's gone it's literally literally impossible for Monica to relate to self as a human being who does anything bad or wrong this is going to take a little bit of a leap of faith because I'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar right now so I'm going to repeat it it's impossible for you to feel like you've done anything wrong or bad impossible

how might you feel I mean that's a pretty good smile but yeah I mean free like say that louder free like relieved yeah free is pretty good isn't it I want you to consider that's you you are free wasn't that seven-year-old free having fun laughing until she was told that she was apparently doing something wrong yeah yeah never went anywhere just got covered up you made a lie through no thought of your own that you've been living in for decades just like everybody here see when we recognize that we live in lies these Primal prisons

and then all we do is we compensate we have to right as long as we become separate from Source from our true like you said Unity right someone said Unity Dasha wants Unity she doesn't want a husband at all it's kind of a pain in the ass not that I've had one but she just wants Unity right which is really true connection with the essence of who we are but we've never lost that because we are that what happens is we just accumulate something on the surface in this in this case a story based on

an experience that was scary and you were embarrassed and all of these feelings are totally appropriate especially for a kid but from that moment forth you created an idea of you that Not only was something you thought but you became and then the you that you are for yourself which is a weird statement but the you that you are for yourself then drives all of your thoughts feelings and actions in this case coping strategies you don't wake up up and say oh I can't wait to clean cleaning has to happen right right on nobody in

here wakes up and says you know I can't wait to make you know wake up and make you know the completely impractical choices that I've been doing for decades over and over again but that's what people do because of these behaviors right I talk about the language we use and the language that uses us everyone here as far as I know uses English right that's so we can communicate but the language that uses us is the words that got created as part of our identity that formed in our childhood so the language that uses you

is that you're wrong and that you do you're bad and it's to finded you but it's not you it's not a truth you were a cute little girl seven in a library who was laughing you just decided at that moment that you must not do that and immediately the essence of freedom and relief that you just tapped into got thwarted it got inhibited it got compromised do you see that so now from the place of freedom from the place of relief can you feel that in your body can you feel lighter yeah are your daughters

here no no they're not right but they are you brought them with you you brought them in the world of you're doing something wrong and bad and you're a guilty mother do you see that yeah this woman who is free with relief has a different relationship with her daughters do you see that yeah that's cool yeah don't you yeah yeah are you doing anything wrong with your daughters was it your fault that the father passed is it your fault yes or no that the father passed no say that a little louder no it's not right

so the whole world that you walked in here with I totally have compassion for and I completely understand but it was all auser and it just sustained see folks I really want you to understand the world that you create a young age it is the confinement that you live in is the prison that you identify with you can only keep it if you have evidence to keep it oh yeah do you just get that yeah what did you just get that I'm creating my yeah you have to iar isn't that insane you wonder why people

drink so much talk to your doctor right yeah your story that you did something wrong and your bad is a lie everybody in here nobody who here really is not good enough I'll take any story okay what do you got tell me yeah but is it a truth that you're not good enough or is that just something you feel feel yeah so it's not a truth I it's not a truth right but everyone can relate to it and then pretending on like I I forever was not good enough my my name in in University was

perfect Pete no pressure there but that was a wonderful way for me to have to create more pressure for myself to reinforce the fact that what I was actually going on beneath the surface is I'm trying to compensate for the fact that I think I'm inadequate you see how exhausting that is yeah yeah so you my dear not only you're a mother three you've gone through God knows what you went through with a husband and through no no judgment of him he was in his own hell right in prison and whatever you had to tolerate

and put up with but now there's just the reality of Life which let's face it as humans it's usually pretty hard enough but then you've got on top of that the suffering of your own judgment living in a world Your Own Prison unbeknownst yourself so there's no guilt or shame that you are wrong and bad and you comp constantly have to clean which is both literal figurative right God knows how many times you try to clean up your your husband right and the only way that we the only reason we do that is because you're

living in a lie called that you're bad and you did something wrong see the ego needs evidence because it's a pretense in case you're not getting it I hate to break a jewel but there's nothing wrong with any of you and I know there's a ton of Defense out there that would try to prove me wrong right that's how attached we are to the idea that that we're basically fundamentally broken there's something wrong with us and if there's not something wrong with us there's definitely something wrong with our spouse if there's definitely if there's something

not wrong with our spous there's definitely something wrong with the government I'm still stuck on that one yeah right so again what becomes available for Monica in the absence of the idea that you're bad and you did something wrong what becomes available for you now in the way that you could walk out of here and live your life and again I'm appealing to your imagination cuz I'm introducing you to a world that you're not familiar with that I could be lovable wow say that louder that I could be lovable who can relate to that that

I could be lovable would that be worth the price of Entry right you're so lovable it's ridiculous you see that like everybody here is lovable let's face it right but I mean look at the contribution she has been to this group already right who could not love a woman who's got the courage to share something that's not an easy story to talk about your lovability is is there because that's the essence of who you are it's what's Driven all of your actions you've been informed by love a compensation of one level but really the girl

who was love who was loving life who then through the the threat of the absence of love love was taken away you then became more loving right there a compensation you love your girls don't you yeah they're lucky to have you but your love gets compromised when you look through the lens of guilt and shame the what I'm about to say I really want you all to get she thinks she loves her daughters and I'm not denying that she does but her capacity to love her daughters is compromised by the fact that she's self-oriented does

that make sense meaning what she's actually up to in real life her love is is unquestionable she loves her daughter she adores her daughter she do anything for her daughters but what's informing her actions towards them is she doesn't want to do anything wrong or bad so whilst we say that we love someone actually invariably it's self-oriented meaning we're up to something we want to get she wants to get acknowledgment she wants them to like her to see her does that make sense and doesn't make you bad we all do it I mean I've had

plenty of versions right but real love doesn't have an agenda so for right now just for right now could you just with us if your daughters are home and even if they for whatever completely inaccurate reasons think that somehow mom is to fault cuz if she had not kick Dad out which is a complete illusion and it's not a truth right your partner had all of his conditioning and his karma and his probable future completely written before he even knew you existed do you understand that right humans are very predictable because we have all of

this conditioning and in all the beautiful efforts that you had to try and help which I can imagine were incessant and beautiful it didn't change cuz somebody has to want to do it themselves right so even if for right now your daughters are still in a false story that somehow it's your fault if you're just coming from Love is that okay that that's what they believe right now yeah yeah yeah it is right because you know it's not a truth right see it all falls part right once you step outside of your world of Illusion

that there's something wrong with you and your bad no you're one of the most loving people in this room you were just looking through a lens of compromise that was a lie that was really about you when in fact it's something that happened to a young seven-year-old who was just being a kid your daughters can't help but love you they adore you but they're also looking for their way of escaping their own hurt and when we're in pain it's so much easier to look to somebody or something else versus just sit with the fact that

they're sad that their dad died you know my dad died when 17 went to work never came back I didn't know how to [ __ ] to process that my mom had already died when I was seven like what does a 17-year-old do like you know it took me years to just be a complete mess and start crying for hours realizing how much I just missed him it still hits me but that's beautiful because as I said it's an expression of love so your daughter's heart is an expression of love but through the lens of

Monica's bad all you can see is that you did something wrong do you see how that completely CH isn't that beautiful it completely changes your relationship so you get to go home because they're still at the house you said and you get to be with your daughters how does that feel really really beautiful it's really beautiful that's all they want they just want to be with you and through no fault of your own you're too busy trying to get their acknowledgement that you're scared that you did something wrong because you're a seven-year-old in the library

superimposing a lie which that was too that this man passed because of you and all you're all wanting is to just connect and feel thank you so so much for your courage and for your love and for the gift that you're going to be for your daughters moving forward they just want to be with you they love you and you're very lovable thank you Peter let just give Round of Applause