Why You Procrastinate - and How to Stop it for Good | Elyssa Smith | TEDxBabsonCollege

the world is divided into two groups see which one you fall into people who can handle stress succeed build a great life and people who can't handle stress feel like a constant failure and struggle their whole lives here's the good news I made up those groups that's not a thing but my whole life I thought that was a fact and that I had been born into that second group my name is Elsa Smith I'm a trauma-informed life strategist and I'm going to tell you today how to completely eradicate your procrastination for good my whole life

I procrastinated I left everything to the last second in school and I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough like I thought everything was just harder for me and in order to compete with that first group that successful group I had to work harder be better do more and it was crushing today I'm going to share with you the Deep secret that Lies Beneath Your procrastination it's probably not what you think it lies inside your brain now you might procrastinate and feel like it's not that big of a deal I get stuff done eventually right

and I did too I was actually a really good student I was the overachiever in my family but that pressure to constantly be better than I actually thought I was left me feeling like I couldn't breathe so I procrastinated as a coping mechanism I mean after all why would I start that pain that Agony the pressure to perform perfectly the risking of the Judgment literally even one minute before I actually had to but what I didn't realize is that that seemingly innocent negative selft talk and bad habits actually hinted at something much darker and that

something was about to derail everything that I had worked so hard for the same emotions and thoughts that told me I wasn't good enough that led me to procrastinate in the first place also led me into an emotionally abusive relationship it shredded my identity I walked right into the arms of someone who agreed with me that I was less than and needed to work for my selfworth it left me on the floor emotionally bleeding out and I almost lost myself completely today we are going to take so let me rephrase this so today we're going

to take procrastin Pro procrast today we're going to take procrastination seriously because procrastination was the canary in the coal mine that I didn't notice at the time it turns out that procrastination is a stressing system that the brain automatically puts into place for you today we're going to take These Warnings seriously and I'm going to show you how you can completely overcome your procrastination stop working so hard and LLY and actually achieve your Highest Potential now we have come to know that procrastination negative selft talk and the inability to handle stress can be signs of

past trauma and when you think of trauma you may just think of big things like War natural disasters domestic violence or maybe that like really bad haircut you had in middle school was it just me maybe and that is the most commonly known type of trauma that's called big tea trauma big bad things that should never happen to anyone what you may not realize is that there are lesser known types of trauma little tea trauma is one of those little tea trauma is nonviolent situations that actually still cause a lot of emotional distress think like

bullying or losing a pet what I've come to realize in the last 10 years of doing trauma training and helping my clients to heal is that there's another sneakier form of trauma that most people have no idea they're dealing with I call it Tiny Tea trauma tiny te trauma is little unmet needs throughout childhood that cause your brain to create negative self-beliefs so this could be anything from only being rewarded when you performed perfectly to actually watching your caregivers work too hard without a break and what you need to know about your brain's response to

trauma whether it's big tea little tea or Tiny Tea it's the same it creates unique survival coping mechanisms procrastination is one of these mechanisms raise your hand if you've ever felt like I actually perform better under stress I procrastinate and I kind of need that in order to do my best right and I did too I mean I after all we have evidence that we get that is done when there's a fire lit underneath us and sometimes that's what it takes but here's the thing you were never meant to lean on the crutch of procrastination

forever the way it was meant to work is that you you could use it as a last resort this sort of emergency bundle of energy to hurry up and get stuff done how many of you have heard of the differences between right and left brain yeah so your right brain we'll start over here with your right the right brain is theal brain that is the part of your brain that is very Primal it has one f Focus just don't let you die keep you safe the left brain is The Logical rational brain and this holds

all of your higher level decision making like the real smart stuff and in an emergency your right brain is well equipped to take over and do your fight flight freeze Fawn all of that good stuff but what it does is it also tells your left brain take a hike we don't need higher level calculus in the middle of a life or death emergency normally so when you're a procrastinator what your brain does is it senses that survival brain mode and you're going to go looking for every ridiculous excuse not to do that thing you don't

want to do procrastination is a tool that your survival brain uses to avoid confirming that you're in the unsuccessful group if you are running a race and you kept tripping over your shoelaces would your solution be I'm just going to keep my Band-Aids right here and every time I fall you're just going to dress your wounds no right I mean you would tie your laces before the race starts procrastination is the Band-Aid it's the thing that makes you feel safe but you actually have no shot at winning the race now why would we choose the

Band-Aid instead of tying the laces because of fear right fear of failure fear of judgment fear of success or of Reaching Your Potential poal now imagine your fears like there a violent Storm Out on the Ocean and procrastination is that safe harbor that keeps you away from the perceived pain but the real solution tying your shoelaces lies in calming down your nervous system so that you can feel safe in even when you're embarking out into that perceived storm if you'll close your eyes for just a moment I'd like to have you imagine something I want

you to imagine your future if you were better prepared better rested and could use all of your available energy to rise above emergencies instead of having it drained out in the procrastination stress cycle what would it be like if you gave yourself all the Time in the World to do your very best in every high pressure situation let's see what that looks like in action my client Franchesca was killing it at work but when she came to me no amount of alarm clocks or lattes or self-inflicted bullying could get her out the door to work

on time she thought maybe she was just sort of lazy or something but what we found out when we dug deeper is that she hates being told what to do she doesn't like to be bossed around don't tell me what to do with my time right and so every time she had to be to work on time it reminded her of her childhood where she was constantly reminded she needed to be more grown up more organized more on time but what we discovered is she's actually a free spirit she needs to flow so that childhood

expectation and her true identity as a free spirit that The Clash was her tiny te trauma that made her procrastinate now let's talk about amanii ammani wanted to build a new kitchen in her house and she made the plans added the photos to the mood board years later no kitchen so she just thought she was bad at managing her time and we kind of dug into it and figured out she was very resistant to start the project unless she had every single thing planned out to a tea and she wanted to have all the time

that she needed to complete it all in one Fell Swoop all at once and we discovered that this is the same as the cycle that happened for her in childhood when she felt like she wasn't as smart as the other kids so she would put off her schoolwork so that she could blame the lack of time instead of giving her all and risking being in that unsuccessful group what could happen globally if all of us understood our Tiny Tea trauma could stop procrastinating and could show up at our Highest Potential and is that even possible

can we get rid of this automatic response we can if we learn how to navigate without procrastination as a crutch now you may be able to actually complete that project or give that presentation even if you put off preparing for it until the last second but you're only doing it with half a brain so to speak remember right brain has taken over when you get stressed left brain is not here and at that moment you've got an imbalance and aren't going to be able to perform your best in the short term you can regain that

balance with breath and nervous system regulation in the long term you can actually rewire the negative self-beliefs that the trauma created and stop procrastinating all together Franchesca and Amman once they figured out what their Tiny Tea trauma was we were able to completely rewire all those beliefs Franchesca is not late to work anymore and not only that but she got a promotion ammani got her kitchen and she also decided to quit her super stressful job and get one that she loves that's not as hard on her now that you know that your procrastination could be

caused by past trauma and that with leaving that behind you could be showing up at a higher level it's time to for you to learn the tool that's going to help you create safety for your brain are you ready I heard a yes yes yes please please now okay rub your hands together in front of your face like this we're going to activate the vagus nerve which is in charge of the calming response for the brain okay and now I want you to place your hands on your cheeks and neck give a little pressure and

take a deep breath now rub your hands together again we are calming the nervous system directly and sending that safety message to the survival brain cross your arms squeeze your shoulders deep breath one more time rub your hands together we're bypassing your survival coping mechanisms it's this easy now Cross Your Arms squeeze just above your elbows deep breath how did that feel good do this any time that fear that anxiety those doubts do this when those come up work through your tiny tea trauma so you can leave your procrastination behind for good I can tell

you from personal experience that on this side of that work it is is absolutely delightful to know how much amazing self-love is available to us life is good now go on out Unleash Your Highest Potential to the world I'll go tell them you're coming thank you