𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐫𝐧

you're a man you are a man stand up and be a man we're going to have wins we're going to have losses the difference is how do you look at it how do you approach it how do you deal with it how do you admit it and see it for what it is and then what do you do about it what do you do about it you cry about it you mope about it you drink about it you sleep around about it you get mad and getting fights about it you just hang around just turn

the world out just zombie about it you fry yourself a marijuana want about it say Dwayne I'm sad dude that's a part of life you think you're the only man on this planet that's sad say Dwayne I'm going through depression well welcome to the world welcome to the rest of us and that was when like the reality of the situation of like there was no Escape there was no one who is going to come to save me hard times create Hard Men Hard Men create soft times soft times create soft men soft men create hard

times we are now around soft men and hard times there's a lot of men struggling right now there's a lot of men if you know I talk about it a lot that if you look at the stats around suicidality in the UK the thing that's most likely to kill someone between the age of like 18 and 40 is themselves for a man do we really not know what it is to be a good man and and I would go so far as to say to be a good human being right because take responsibility for what

you're doing take take ownership of your life go go do something that's hard go try and accomplish something that's hard you may win you may lose you may succeed you may fail I'll tell you what you'll be better if you avoid those things that are hard if you don't accept that challenge if you don't step up and step into that cold water and you sit on your couch and eat Doritos I I I can tell you this is not a good move this is not a good move don't do that just it seems like especially

with confidence right or self-esteem there's a relationship between confidence and competence M so what you're looking to do is try and have what you believe that you can do be ahead of what you can do now you're not looking for it to be delusional you don't want it to to be able to believe that you can do something like fly right but you need to have a relationship between the two what people are asking for is for their confidence to be so far ahead of their competence that or without having even been competent at anything

in the beginning and that's just delusion that's fantasy the life you want is on the other side of a few hard conversations and you're living a life you hate because you're too afraid to have them add some things to that list of what it takes to be a maybe not a good man but at least a happy and fulfilled man one of the words he used is Brotherhood and I was thinking about all the things you got from your time in the seals and it's almost a bit of like a microcosm of what I think

a lot of men are looking for that sense of purpose that Brotherhood and they find it these days in like video games and stuff right which I video games I've got no you know I cost no judgment on people that play video games I've played video games my whole life but there's a it seems like there's a reason we're getting like increasingly addicted to these video games cuz they're giving us something that we're searching for in real life and not getting you use the words Brotherhood purpose these are things that the seals clearly have in

huge huge amounts is there anything else that You' add to that list of what it takes to feel fulfilled yeah Jiu-Jitsu it's it almost has become a joke amongst me my friends people that listen to me is you got some kind of a problem in the world you got some kind of problem in your life GO train Jiu-Jitsu there's a reason why I say that cuz the things that you just mentioned discipline guess what you need to go train jiujitsu when you're tired and you don't feel like it discipline guess how you feel when you're

done you feel awesome you get a bunch of dopamine guess who you're there with a bunch of dudes that you can relate to and guess what you're going to do together you're going to struggle you're going to go through some hardship together you're going to sweat you're going to choke you're going to get your arm broken these things are going to happen not going to get your arm broken but but you're going to you're going to be with a little Brotherhood and by the way women train Jiu-Jitsu too my daughters all train Jiu-Jitsu it's all

good so yeah Jiu-Jitsu is one way now look could you go to the Rock Climbing Gym yes you could could you go to the CrossFit gym yes you could could you go to the yeah the soccer field football field whatever yeah you can do that stuff so yeah go do that stuff that's shared suffering together with a group on a regular basis whether you want to or not that that's those are all little components of being in the mil milary being the SEAL Teams that's what it is that's what you're doing that's what does a

seal platoon do they train to get ready for go to war how do they do that they go to the desert they carry their guns they run through little choreographed moves they get hot they carry weight it's suffering it's just shared suffering and they're working together and they're learning skills that's what you're doing in a Jiu-Jitsu gym that's what you're doing on the soccer field so go out and do those things with other human beings and it's going to make it's going to make things better for sure you don't have to feel feel good about

it you just have to keep going the feeling will pass but you will remain you are greater than your feelings going to bed late and waking up early to work for a few days won't kill you you're not going to burn out you're doing what it takes if you're one of those people that push work life balance just remember the people who like working a lot don't care I've never regretted trying harder at anything ever hard times last long but an epic story feels like a lifetime you have to build a person that can withstand

the pressures of whatever they're going to be dealing with in life and we don't do that I'm not trying to send a message of run 200 miles be the bestass [ __ ] world but be tough you better have a part about you that's tough a part about you that can break down situations and get better and break down situations very quickly Within some trauma in your life some Devastation in your life because it's going to come the devastation the trauma is going to come and you can't allow that to become a jersey barrier it

can't be a jersey barrier it has to be something that you can maneuver through very quickly and move forward that takes a lot of toughness get up move towards that challenge whatever that challenge is move towards that challenge and go attack it and you may be successful and you may not be successful but you will be better at the end of the day I ask myself one question can I take one more step and usually the answer is yes so if you can answer that question and not take another step that is real failure that

is real quitting so a lot of people can take one more step but they choose not to I don't know if you can take two steps you got to answer that question after you take the first step but I can always take one more step so if I choose not to that's on me I gota live with that extreme ownership is this went wrong this failed didn't accomplish this and it's not the fault of my boss it's not the fault of my girlfriend it's not the fault of my parents it's not the fault of the

weather it's my fault and I'm going to take ownership of it and I'm going to fix it that's what extreme ownership is and this is a very difficult thing to do because it hurts because when you look around at your life and you look around at your job and your financial situation and your relationship and your physical health when you look at all those things and all the problems s that you may have with those things and you say the reason I have all those problems is because of me that can hurt that can sting

and a lot of times our ego rejects that and makes excuses and lies and then we don't have to change anything and then nothing changes well I believe that you have to build belief belief is like there's an after school special belief where the mom says believe in yourself and that's all great but there's also a built belief and the built belief is one where you are constantly like for me I came from a bad place How I build belief is through the the daunting tasks I put myself through so that's proof positive that I

can so it correlates and that's how this piece of [ __ ] kid that I once thought I was built belief by saying hm I was in three hell weeks I went to Ranger school I tried out for Delta selection undeniable stack of proof that is proof [ __ ] so whenever you think whenever you think you can't confidence comes from the thing that you built you must build belief you must build confidence it can't be like hey um I'm going to go knock that [ __ ] out you got to look over here and

say I can knock that [ __ ] out it's belief and it's built on what you put in to yourself there's a lot of men if you know I talk about it a lot that if you look at the stats around suicidality in the UK the thing that's most likely to kill someone between the age of like 18 and 40 is themselves for a man you know there's so men are clearly struggling in some capacity with purpose or meaning or something so I almost feel like you know a lot of these sort of toxic influences

of what a man should be have now emerged to offer our answers but I doubt though toxic influences and I say there's got to be another role model another sort of blueprint for what it is to show up as a man well I was going to give you a real I guess it would have been a real cheap answer of uh I think it's Marcus aelius is stop discussing what it is to be a man and be one I was going to I was going to walk out of here with that one i' be like

pretty good question avoidance there um but there's some Merit to that right and and I was almost thinking like dude do we really not know what it is to be a good man and I would go so far as to say to be a good human being right because when a few years ago there was these discussions going around about toxic masculinity right and you take these traditional masculine traits and people are saying this is toxic masculinity and they're bad and I wrote a couple articles about it if you take any trait of a human

being and you take it to an extreme masculine or feminine or otherwise you take it to an extreme it's it's going to be a problem it doesn't matter what it is so if you take even a really positive trait like generosity if you're a a super generous person that's wonderful is it possible to be too generous well yes it is now you're getting taken advantage of and now you end up in an abusive relationship like there's all kinds of problems that can happen so when we talk about masculine traits and what's a man well what

are some of the traditional masculine traits to be competitive now is it bad to be hyper competitive where you screw people over and you hurt your health because you want to win in this particular category is that bad yes it is does that mean we have people that are not competitive at all and they don't care if they win or lose no that's not good either so that's one trade what's another good Mas aggression aggression is a masculine trade is it good if I'm walking into a restaurant pushing the hostess out of my way of

course that's terrible it's terrible is it good if you and I are working together and I say hey shut up and do what I said is that good no it's not good so can you take aggression too far yes you absolutely can can you get to a point where you're not even asserting yourself at all and you're getting yes you can is that good no that's not good either so there's a bunch of traits that we could run through that are considered traditional masculine traits and if you take any of those traits and you take

them to an extreme they're going to be bad stoicism right being stoic being unemotional is it good to have no emotions whatsoever no that's called a sociopath right is is it good like I was talking about earlier to let your emotions run your life and make your decisions based on your emotions no that's not good either what do we want to be as a human as a man want to be balanced you don't want to be extreme in any direction even when you asked me like oh Joo what are you undisciplined on I told you

chocolate chip cookies I could have also said uh yeah sometimes I like to eat uh mint chocolate chip milkshakes sometimes I get lazy in the work out and you know what I freaking warmed up and this sucks and I'm I'm leaving uh sometimes I'm supposed to I was going to write something and now I didn't write anything I'm supposed to write a thousand words today I didn't write any and guess what I didn't write any tomorrow I I'm a slacker so if I was so disciplined that you know my wife was like Hey let go

out for dinner I was like no I still got to write my thousand words is that good no it's not good so any characteristic if we take to extreme it's going to be a problem and so we as people should be balanced and I think what we need to be attuned to is it's it's it's much easier to be extreme it's it's much easier to say oh no emotions cool and turn them off that's easier then or or a total emotion Mayhem that's easier it's harder to find balance it's harder to find balance in business

it's harder to find balance in life it's it's hard to find balance and what we have to do is we have to be attuned to the the that we're getting we have to be attuned to the feedback that we're getting so if we're talking to our wife and she says you you're not going to be home for dinner again tonight for the ninth night in a row that you're going to stay late at work you need to be paying attention enough to say oh yeah guess what I'm a little too focused on work right now

and then the other end of that spectrum is my boss says Hey Joo you're leaving early again well you know it's wrestling season my daughter's got a wrestling match so I'm going to leave okay I need to be attuned enough to say yeah if I focus 100% on my job I'm going to lose my family if I focus 100% of my family I'm going to lose my job as humans are supposed to be balanced I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and impossible the fact that something seems impossible

shouldn't be a reason to not pursue it that's exactly what makes it worth pursuing where would the courage and greatness be if success was certain and there was no risk the only only true failure is shrinking away from life's challenges and you're going to fail you're going to fail and you're going to fail and you're going to fail and then you're going to win and that's life life without those challenges it's just existence don't just exist go live