Craig Ferguson couldn't hide the Dirtiness eyes... The Ladies found out about It

[Music] please buana hello what a beautiful name that is buana is that Serbian by any chance oh it is wow you read your card I can't believe it no I because during the commercial break I I said welcome and I said poana that's a lovely name and she said it's Serbian and I said oh you're from Serbia or something and then you said I didn't read my cards yeah you didn't I really want to look at this wow talk talk yeah that's right oh look you've got tattoos on your so do you I do I

have a lot of them looks like a naughty one that one no no no no not at all it's very patriottic it's a little bit naughty because it's on me but the uh how many do you have just the two three this one too oh that must have hurt like yeah my Lord in the palm of your hand how drunk were you I was actually Stone Cold Sober really and heartbroken oh yeah the pain helps it's the snake cup I love the snake snake cup I was excited to meet the snake cup the snake cup

is excited to meet you and Jeff where's oh there hello there my dear how are you z z Jeff kakos yeah I didn't know you spoke s sure I do yeah yeah fluently fluently oh really say something else in s then yeah uh Tacos El Carbone good night Sans thank you Jeff's Jeff's so funny yeah your accent sounds a little bit Australian to be honest I have to be we did move to Australia when I was seven I see which part of Australia we moved to Sydney and then I moved to Melbourne have you been

I have been to both places I really liked Melbourne I don't quite like Sydney as well but Melbourne my Lord so good lots of punks in Melbourne I think they keep I was one of them Fe now you're in a suit just yes yes but underneath the suit naughty tattoos and the Heart of punk rock you have any other tattoos yes m I don't I was really drunk no I would never get my you know where did you get your tattoos then um on your arms no but I mean where did you get them in

New York all right oh God I hope he's not watching who the guy who did this one I felt in love with him when he did it and then he did this one and it says can't get rid of you and then he broke up with me wait wait you got tattoos done by a lover yeah well he wasn't my really yeah oh gosh that's Brave and then we broke up and then I got this one yeah but that must be tough cuz then it's on you well no I love them okay no fair enough

yeah I don't regret a single one right all right what are you doing with that card now I'm just saying what you've been told to talk I'm just I've always been intrigued watching your show what the cards say cuz people work and they they yeah they actually work them I tear them up every night yeah I know I know and I and I kind of just thought it would be nice to mention you know that people work hard to write the they do and and you know their work is deeply appreciated my thanks my thanks

to all of the people who write on these cards every night I only reason I tear them up is to express my disdain for the job and the medium that's all but you're you've got it no don't CL that don't cut that you have you have the be this is the best talk show I I think it's a great talk show but that's like being you know that's like being the the you know the the tallest I mean so so what no you're lucky no I like this I do you you curse and they put

a little flag over your mouth they let you curse do you Cur yes J she's seran she's seran and then Australian she doesn't understand her ways let her talk you're a racist man double racist Serbia and Australia have you ever have you ever been back to Serbia oh I didn't even see that you were there sorry yeah yeah yeah yeah no come on yeah that's right yeah but I appreciate the work you do he didn't do these did he no no he doesn't do that he's way above that he tells people to do these oh

okay okay okay and they're like but he tears them up every night and he says you better do them let's no no let's see hang on rake oh well no we did that talk about people's show yeah I do tell tell me about R oh my God they're going to love me for bringing that up rake yeah yeah rake is is it any good yeah there you are L you should watch it I've seen them all are they on uh TV and you know what I'm not just saying that yes it's on to me I

to Fox I already said it 9:00 p.m. Thursday night 9:00 p.m. Thursday night yeah you know it's so I was cuz I was really nervous about having to talk about it because you know most PE I really wish they had like an like a like a an honesty meter when people talked about oh you don't want no I do because do you know what because like me talking about rake everything would be honest the honest truth it's such a good group of people to well who like kir yes oh do you know no he's been

here a couple of times no I need to say something I need to say something may yeah I mean I don't know he was ill very ill was he yes very very sick on set and he stayed on set to work I do a live show every Wednesday night I'm about to go and do it after this you're my warm up act um where where do you do your live show at the three clubs now we're talking about my show and re is going to kill me I'm promoting a different show no it's it's all

right I I it's fine I do it's kind of like this really you do a talk show yeah no no it's called The Blind Date project I go on a project what kind of a blind date are we talking about sister oh is this for real yeah I'm cleaning hang on is this board music or is this like no it's it's Noir it's Noir music I've never done a talk show you need to be very nice to me I'm a talk have you never done a talk yeah be gentle well this isn't really a talk

show you can't see me he's not a real horse okay go on I've been waving and he's not W he's not he's not there okay the only people are here are you and me and the skeleton baby so we what were we talking about are we talking about my show no we're talking about your show of the three of clubs or something so it's a fully improvised hour I have no idea how that would work me it works you should be a guest you should be my date Craig you should come and be my date

on it a fully improvised hour it's called The Blind Date project I go on a blind date with a different actor or performer every week and directions are sent to us via text messages phone calls and it's an improv show that lasts an hour in a karaoke bar and we sing there's no set ending and what happens is I'll do it I'll do it I'm going to I'm going to hold you to it I'll do it it's just the kind of thing that I like it expresses contempt for the format and I like that which

format I have no idea my feet aren't even touching the ground I'm so sh so oh my God the Tom Cruz still hold on anyway rake's amazing cuz Greg was really ill and he yeah thanks thank you we keep that in case Tom Cruz is ever on he's my height maybe maybe now that he sees that it works yeah don't worry Tom we're we're set up for you oh we got to we have to go we're way over sorry really way over I'll talk to you more on your uh the show or do we have

to do the commercial break now yes oh you will come you'll come and do my show but you don't play yourself you play a character to oh you can play yourself then you can okay great all right then but I play a character all right go to a commercial break oh let's go wait who's your character her name's oh it doesn't matter she changes according to who I'm not allowed to know that it's you either right I don't know who it is so I'll put you in touch with my people and then we'll figure it

out we'll be right back every my next guest my next guest is a very beautiful actress her latest film The Little Death or uh pity Mall you're welcome five people that know what I'm talking about opens this fall she's also joining the cast of Shameless on show time oh please welcome buana noov everybody [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] look where is my I'm I can't relax without the Tom Cruz stool really I don't you need it I think your legs are rather long you're longer than Tom Cruzes I'll get it though no no no look when

I when I sit back in the chair what happens here it is God here stick that one for a minute would you for you or me what hang on sorry Rusty TR bone sorry here you are the still and Cas Tom Cruz is ever on the show why has he never been on the show I don't know something about dignity anyway how are you doing I'm very well hi Jeff hi there how you doing baby good good how are you do you know any more Serbian I'm better now that you're here oh really yeah do

you know sbian she's serban yeah sure yeah yeah this is Weir oh God are you all right there else isn't life just about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable I'm trying sort of I know it is go you're very deep tonight what's wrong what do you mean you don't want to get deep on The Late Late Show if we must we must we don't need to how are you listen I I will I will do that blind date thing with you the your blind date project that you do with I am going to do it I've

just been a little bit forgetting to do it for those of you who don't know what he's talking about last time I was on the show he promised on American Air that he would come and be my guest for a live show that I do every Wednesday is it live like this or is it live no it's live theater oh oh Live Theater oh in a in a bar okay and I go in a different I go on a date with a different guy every week and I wanted Craig to come and be my date

one night and and I and you know and I and I'll be there I I'll text you really yeah well no the texts are sent to us by the director they give he gives us messages like try and kiss her or don't let him kiss is you or which I think might be could could be could be a bit of a problem uh but it's not real life we play characters okay then fine I'm in it's not like this this all right so I so I'm a character then if I come to you create you

create your character and then you play that character all right I'd like to be a an Austrian therapist yeah that would be great I will talk like this the entire time okay I will be a Serbian adult entertainment woman isn't that's what you are you know I don't mean in the adult entertainment like a ooo and the boans but I mean you know I mean more like in you know you the the the you do it entertainment for a grown up people who enjoy watching television yeah yeah you dug your way out of that one

good good me buku why do you sound Australian though because I grew up in australi that's it I remember now oh you're you're remembering it's buana it's me no no no I know right I just I was I was thinking did you grow up in Australia or is it an affectation I couldn't remember wow that would be really talented of me well I see it's what I did with Scotland I grew up in Dakota not so that's awesome I brought my own blue papers but we talked about it all right oh performance space 122 in

New York so we're doing the show in New York in January oh I'm available in January come and do it then performance space 122 is part of the coil Festival that's great I'll do that though if I'm in New York in January which is very po possible okay yeah good be fun we'll call you again and I'll tweet you again did you tweet me last time I tweeted you I've tweeted you I've I've tried everything i' I have given up Jeff how do you say frisbee in the barn in [Applause] Serbian one hell of a

guyet hell of a guy love he means it in a very loving way well uh listen we're we're out of time oh again it happens all the time on the show you run out of time all the time well it's just the nature of time does it run out really well it I don't know if time runs out I mean but I think what happens is that humans have a span in which they're lotted and talk shows are part of that and this particular segment has reached the uh the uh painting for the fiord area

of its uh this is a this is an X segment this is a this is a segment no more this is a dead an expired segment it's a vague Monty Python reference I like it I like it well what what are we doing now we're doing did you get all your things done I want to make sure you get everything done yeah thank you thanks for being so kind you know what what about you who calls awkward silences on the show yeah I can do that you want one yeah well well because you know you

you're a little angry at me I can tell you fin no I I've had women angry at me before I know the signs I've had women who Adore Me be angry at me as well that's me that's that's what's happening okay awkward uh awkward pause silence oh we we're already in it then um smell my finger what do what do you want to smell my finger that's disgusting disg isn't that one of those weird whoa It's just smell my finger smells a bit like Ben Kingsley smell it we got to go you want to say

uh you want to say good good night oh is is this the end of the show there'll be another bit but it's not that good this is this is probably the this is it really I mean some people might stay around but only because they're high this is where most people will turn it off so which camera do I say goodbye to the one with the red light there's no there's no I don't know what to say good night good night oh you mean because though so you can hit me with a tennis racket and

I may enjoy it did you make that film in France we did oh it's lovely there isn't it we did so pretty Paris and Normandy for three months rough how long were you there 3 months oh my God and I'm stuck here do you speak French I'm T mhm did you get a chance to look around Europe or you were making the film or you just stay in France I did I did I I went to London a couple of times I went to the south of France so you went to London and you went

to France and south of France south of France north of France you could only really go Amsterdam as well oh yeah in there MH did you have any baked goods when you were in Amsterdam I don't know what you're talking about well you know what I'm talking about like a little cookie maybe little cookie I'll to tr one hor in a stall over there yeah that that's not really happening you just had a lot of cookies now that's not true I'm kidding you so you went around that's lovely though did you like did you take

the train I love take you take the train yes yeah I know I've been to Europe many times oh I know I can hear that about you yeah yeah you probably thought I was German uh-uh no I think you're very proud to be Scottish I am well I'm very proud to be American and Scottish I'm American now are you American I am I thought you were yeah why did you think that you've got nice teeth oh so do you I was at the dentist today actually my mouth's a bit hurty I haven't gone in years

you look you that's not possibly true you you have to go like once a week with teeth like that no I no I really should go really yeah open your mouth let me see your teeth you're fine and remember though that's a Scotsman saying it so of like if I can see teeth I'm like you're ah head of the game that's amazing wow may I ask you about that is a very interesting piece of jewelry it looks Indian almost two rings oh is that's lovely and it's on can we just uh can you isolate this

finger so that we can I just want to see the Rings you're a fascist man you're a fascist he won't let you show the the finger which is isolated with the rings on it like for example I have a ring on this finger right here that's you changed that no from when we just met you've changed man I feel like you slipped it over just to do that no no it it's too big for this finger and it well it could go in that finger I guess but then I'd look like one of those guys

one of which guys you know the guys that wear their fingers those guys what guys the horse the horse doesn't wear Rings it has Hooves do you do you ride horses I went riding yesterday did you really I did what kind of horse riding do you do do you do the like wear a little black outfit and a top hat no just say yes yes okay thanks and any other type of horse riding well they're Polo horses and they're English saddles so I'm trying to learn that it's much more difficult than watch yeah yeah English

saddle is much harder you just get get an American saddle it's like putting a sofa in the back of the horse you're just hanging out yeah you got that big thing in the middle just hang on to it and off you go yeah so uh in the film there's you and Robert DeNiro upand coming young actor how'd you go on with him you know he's good yeah I've heard that I'll wait and see I want a couple more performances yeah see how it works out who else is in it Susan Michelle fer Michelle Fifer Tommy

Le Jones yeah yep heard of all of them heard of them yeah yeah yeah were they grumpy with you Tommy Lee Jones is very grumpy no he wasn't yeah with you maybe not so much it depends on who you are though you probably think men are really nice and well behaved quite a lot of the time I don't think that you don't think that no I'm sure they behave themselves a little bit more around you you know where are you from origin San Francisco oh I see so so a lot of men weren't really that

interested then is what I'm saying am I offending everybody in the world tonight it's bad I've Got It Bad tonight what part of San Francisco are you from Burling game it's about 10 minutes south no I don't know that but I like San Francisco though it's lovely you ever go to The MythBusters there up there no I haven't you should go there they blow up it's amazing well that is fun do you enjoy blowing stuff up we blew some stuff up in the film in the film yeah we did what did you blow up buildings

did you blow up that little french actor there that was coming over to was that actor French he was really yeah does he not look friendch no he looked a bit too Ginger I mean I suppose you get Ginger Frenchies I suppose but all the extra things on his face those were fake so I feel kind of bad he had a lot of acne yeah yeah but it's not his acne I think I should clarify that for him well the thing is you know he might have acne and it might go he might have have

acne by now did you ever get acne when you were a kid yes really of course how was that and braces acne and braces all those things really I wasn't I was beautiful when I I believe this I believe this no right we're all talking like that is I all right welcome to England all right we don't speak French here girl no that was really good I live for quite a some time in London actually as it happens as it goes yeah doing Oliver the musical yeah that's right I'm say can I have some more

I've talked like this whole time my friend Russell BR talks a bit like this have you ever met Russell uh-uh he'd like you yeah he would he's lovely he's English yeah yeah yeah just saying you never went to Scotland though I've been to Scotland once really yeah when a few years ago I see I was so sick that I didn't see anything were you undercover or something at the I had an 104° temperature and I was only there for a few days so wow what was wrong with you a lot were you coming off of

something no okay I was just checking I thought I've been in the Mountain skiing right and I just got really run down so I have to go back to Scotland yeah why on Earth would you go when you were so sick well it was a part of a family vacation Christmas experience so couldn't ruin Christmas I'm I have no problem doing that every year no I like to lose my temper and get hideously drunk in front of the kids wow no of course not I don't even drink anymore I lose my temper though over what

oh stupid I like just stupid crap what about you do you you lose your temper you seem very even sort of I'm mellow you're kind of gorgeous actually yeah you really don't you don't have a temp hey [Music] don't applaud when I say that it makes me look even creepier you don't you don't lose your temper you're very kind of no that's why you know movie business is fun you can act out and then you'll cut and then it was all pretend are you do you do a lot of yoga no are you understand back

to the LA thing well maybe I don't know are you are you very La do you do you eat a lot of kale I do really you do all that you what is the diet everyone's doing the paleo diet do you hear about this you have to eat like a caveman I'm like fine Club a bear and chew on it or something no processed foods well that I do oh okay and that makes you calm makes you a lot of things I'm kind of scared and kind of turned on at the same time but that's

the way I am all the time so we're out of time yeah fancy an awkward pause but a therapy what you fancy you can twerk with a horse if you want that doesn't no I didn't think you'd want to do that what's the therapy well you tell me your problems I'll fix you up I don't have any problems mhm that's denial that's your first problem everyone has problems there's no shame in it there's no shame in it Diana I don't have bad problems mhm well I think that's taking a judgment on a good or a

bad problem there's no moral in a problem a problem is simply a problem so tell me why you hate [Laughter] America they warned me about oh come on in the best way no come on I think I've laughed on this show more than I've ever laughed on a show really yeah man you must do some crappy shows Bro internet douches yeah you look really lovely very elegant indeed well I feel like I'm sort of in some sort of space situation don't you think well you kind of a heart I'm sort of in a very tightly

tightly it is it's kind of like a sort of oh I'm from another planet captain and we don't understand not having sex just a bit you have to be careful how you move in case you explain well be careful how you move too many things no that's well relax okay let's ease into it yes you'll be fine it's all right I was just saying to John Goodman how much we enjoyed accents that people who talk a little bit like you well I actually said that just now saids somebody was very very lovely and I said

thank you very much and I thought that's actually quite a no saying thank you very much it's a lovely thing to say thank thank you very much but you can't really say just like thank you very much it's like thank you very much sounds a bit well when the thing is you see what happens because I've lived in America for a long time and you're American now if you say thank you very much like that they Curt oh they G they're like oh well nice to meet you your nice to meet you your lhip and

they CT that's a great thing no it's fine have you been in America long I've been here for a couple of years and um and I love it very very much I have to apologize because I've just broken something upstairs oh I break things upstairs all the time do so we're fine I broke the salad tongs because I helped myself some carrots and they snapped into there's salad tongs there's salad Tong not anymore not anymore are you and you broke them I broke them they just snapped those were my salad tongs very crummy salad tongs

I'm really were they plastic salad tongs they were you know I have to tell you this is something I've learned in Los Angeles don't eat communal salad like in Spain well you're not meant to well no in Spain you can eat communal salad you can I don't know but in Los Angeles people are like is that salent and they use the tongs and then you go thank you very much and they curtsy and the sneeze the suspicious the sneeze guard there's a sneez guard up there I I don't think there is did you break it

were you very violent as a child I wasn't Craig I was very gentle as a child where are you from from chisik in London I used to go with a girl from chisik did you I did she had a fantastic bum oh that's I used to travel from North London on the Picadilly line to see her bum did you it's worth it it's worth it was worth it every trip that's a good thing yeah it's full of pensioners and pigeons and bottoms pensioners are old people that we called seniors here in America yeah senior that

was now the girls whose's botom I went to well she'll be a senior now I suppose I don't know if she is well I'm sure her bottom still fine that's not the point so you're from chisik I am I and are you family acrobats or something absolutely not wish they were what are they then they're pses Poots it is I I'm trying to not say your name too much cuz I'm sure you get a lot of trouble about being called a boots well it's fine in Europe it's okay in America it's game over because people

in hotels if you happen to be in a hotel and you call downstairs for some suspicious request they assume that I'm man wo woo suspicious request such as Sho shine Sho what Sho shine could you send up a Sho shine thank you very much really a shoe shine when in Rome what When in Rome don't eat communal salad I don't understand do you get your shoes shut your shoes are well these are Matt these are more of they are well done well I know about women's shoes yes and I'll tell you why because I know

what women like on purpose so that I can you know finagle my way into their affections and then see their bottoms y good plan it was worked for me almost flawlessly up until now love what you're doing thank you that you get the stripes and then the B it's color blocking but it's kind of taking it further thank you your makeup looks beautiful thank you I'm wearing makeup but I'm a man it's it's unheard of it happens do you wear a you you wear makeup no you're not wearing any no wow you're just naturally very

that's good so much was Steve Carell wearing makeup on his pants he was wearing he had to be tanned deeply deeply tanned every couple days and waxed or shaved well yeah he's very hairy I know Steve Carell he's a very I mean a bit of a hair suit he's very he's very bucolic you you feel you want to give him a banana when you meet well he you know he's been waxed before when he did four-year-old virgin he did the famous waxing of Kelly Clarkson that's right which I now say every time I'm waxed it

helps I my back my my chest every time it helps with the pain but this time he was sh D and tanned and he had the big wig so he had to go through everything that I usually have to go through for a movie but this time I but you didn't have to do any of that no I came in like hour and it's a movie about do you enjoy magic do you like Carrot Top and stuff I huge fan I car doesn't do magic who does magic other guyi yeah that guy they often get

mixed yeah I know yeah I when I was little I had a magician at every birthday party really and yet I never learned how to do the tricks I just like to watch and be amazed you know I don't want to know how I like that with sex yeah yeah I never like to do any of the tricks I just wow how do they do that yeah no it's nice where are you from originally um my I'm I'm Irish and and American and I have a dual citizenship do you have are you an American citizen

yes I am look I got my tattoo yeah yeah very cool yeah did you get a tattoo when you became an American citizen no no do you have any tattoos I do I have a few I have one really bad one I actually have a bad tattoo club if you want to be in it uh I mine are all pretty awesome well well it depends what tattoo did you get I got I didn't plan to tell this story oh I know I have a tattoo uh uh of a dragon that I got when I was

13 and it is who the hell would tattoo a 13-year-old girl I know you hand over cash they'll tattoo a cat they don't care wow and and it I was in New York City and I thought it was a great idea it had a lot of meaning at the time but now it's hideous but I started Club where is it it's it's on my lower lower lower back it's not a trans yes yes it no it's not all right it's over it's over to the right it's on I don't it's like it's an ass stamp

which is probably a lot classier yeah I mean and also it's kind of like it's of its time you know it's part of your story I have a huge Tableau of a fox hunting scene in my back with a Fox's tail disappearing in my butt you can be the president of the bad tattoos no that's the tattoo I've always wanted but haven't had the courage to get you know I have a friend I have a friend Nam Mike O'Brien who has bad tattoos on purpose so he has buckets of chicken tattooed in different parts of

I like him I'd like him to be my friend he's the best yeah he sounds like a lot of fun in the you'll see yeah I'll bet yeah I'm not coming my tattoos are good I don't have the well I'll get the Fox Hunt tattoo and then I'll come okay good all right but what do you do at the meet and just all look at each other's tattoos yeah I'll get a bad tattoo to see yours it' be totally worth you only see it if you get the yeah yeah no I'll do it yeah I'm

for sure I'm getting Pat s Jack tattooed on my ass deal hey uh so if you're from Ireland would it be presumptuous of me to think that you were a Catholic oh I'm not but but but I have all the respect of world for our new pop boo boo no I'm trying to dig myself out of that it was just a joke I was lighthearted said it on TV it was light-hearted banter I didn't mean anything by it at all yeah knock it off not what juel said so do you know juel my best friend

is she here yeah she's been here she's been here she's been here I had to ask she won't be coming again but oh no she will the the thing to remember about Jula is she's got a very forgiving nature oh yeah I met her at the mall once when she was getting her family are you a fan of Jewel yeah I mean absolutely really what other music do you like do you like the you I can't remember her song what was it I like a good oh you like one of those I do like I'll

get a bad tattoo I'll give you one of those what else what else you want I don't know man I'm kind of lose now but know about it's bad Tattoo Club business yeah are you going to get any more tattoos yeah probably you know once you get one you get another one they're kind of Addicting they kind of are I I like the kind of feeling of get I like being downtown yeah you know what I mean like being downtown like when you're in the tattoo Parmer and you're downtown and all the guys are around

a big strange man just hurting you is that what happens to you yeah yeah yeah but I think it is I mean some people really don't like them I I I do like them I think how they look I like them I think that what when they're left on your body that's just the kind of result of what happened getting it it's more fun getting it than it is having it is just there it doesn't really that doesn't bother me at that point but but the going to get it is important yeah agree going down

town I think though as well I I like it because it makes me feel like I'm not owned by the Borg of show business as well I kind of feel like do you ever do anything like that to just wander off you feel like you're not part of this great what's up coming to go machine that tries to suck your soul out for profit do you ever you ever do anything to try and get away from that I try yeah I try you can run but you can't hide I know uh and then they bring

you back in with offers of cash and prizes mean we'll give you cash if you come back all right then I know it's like when you're a kid and you run away and you get two blocks away I run away I'll show them and then it's dinner time yeah oh they probably learn their lesson I'll go home yeah yeah you look at CBS they're like we're good I'm like I'll come back anyway yeah tattoos are expensive I'll come back yeah they are they are they really are B tattoos is not so expensive though no no

uh well they can be I mean there's so many bad ones it's it's fantastic I once when I was on house you keep touching you keep touching I don't mean to do that yeah yeah but you can't help yourself it's like you know no see that you know what that is that that knee right there that like catnip for actresses yeah this a magnetic help it I can't Dare to Live the dream Olivia dare but I was going to say when I was on house I remember seeing a fan showed me that he had Hugh

Lor's face tattooed on his arm and I took a picture and showed Hugh really excitedly like look look and Hugh was like that's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen I hate it he's like that I've lost all faith in humanity yeah but to be fair I've known you for 25 years he lost all faith and Humanity years before oh God I need them I made everything up I have remember you're fine this will be fine you don't need these I don't need these to talk to a lady oh yeah you look Sensational I mean

really very elegant indeed I love your shoes thank you they are pretty you've got quite a sexy voice for you thank you right so you don't eat meat or you do eat I eat meat when it's consciously collected if that makes sense so if anyone absentmindedly uh they're not paying attention what they're doing like oh look I cow followed me in we might as well eat it you wouldn't eat that no I would not eat that I see but if someone sets out to get meat you you're in yeah you got it okay meat pies

or uh have you ever been to Britain to eat meat pies meat pies also seem really thrown together together well they are you get the meat you get the pie Shazam yeah that's against the that's what I mean that's have have you well what what do you eat then I'm interested because you're in terrific shape clearly today it I could have eaten now but instead I we made a little salad at home and I made some like shallots and I cooked a thing and I just you know and I know where everything comes from and

it's all organic and I'm one of those people so what I'm hearing as you had some shallots I ate shallots that's all I ate today what what are shallots they're they're like onions they're like onions and like another like two vegetables had a baby and then it was a shallot I think that's technically meat if they can have babies I ate meat today you ate baby shallot it was a small town named shallot do you have do you have any animals I do what do you have yeah I don't eat them though that's well depends

I have well that's true two Pomeranians I would if they behave continually how they've been behaving we may eat them soon they bark a lot but two is a Pomeranian big or small I don't I'm not familiar it depends how big you are cuz if you were a very big person it would be small but if you were a very small person all right so if I was like dog what if I was like about six 2 and a half 200b how what size would it be it would be smallish on the small side right

so to me it would be a small side dog oh true yeah a small side dog no I didn't say side dog like a side salad so you have two that's it two Pomeranians no two pom I have three parrots I'm about five birds away from Heidi flies W yeah three parrots I know I don't know it just happens you get one and all of a sudden I know that's what happens why did you get three parrots do were you raised by parrots or were you raised in well parrots are like dinosaurs so maybe we

all were raised by parrots well first of all how does that make sense because dinosaurs didn't raise anybody they were dead before M arrived and anyway we don't know that maybe we're like small single- cell organisms that we were learning things as we were multiplying cells this makes a lot okay I see where you're going all right so what traits do you think you've picked up from the dinosaur I don't think I have a all but well maybe it wouldn't be that breathing would be one thing maybe would be cool thing to pick up they

were good at it so I think we we could have learned that I don't know that they were good at it cuz when Ever every time I've seen a movie with a dinosaur in it they're a movie with a dinosaur cuz we're really good at knowing what dinosaurs were like right and how they were really giv me a hard time about the dinosaur thing first of all I didn't make Jurassic Park not the first one anyway I wish you had cuz then I could be in the next one that was a great movie I like

Jurassic I love that movie have you ever seen a fossilized piece of Amber with something in it yeah really yeah cuz I go to that gem show that happens out in the desert with all those weirdo people do you really yeah I love that place we go there every year by so many rocks and I just have my house is full of rocks rocks and parakeets so yeah it's a dangerous place I'm turning it into where dinosaurs used to live movies I yeah I tend because you're attractive that's what happens no it's true people like

to see the pretty girl get maed no no no no people like to see pretty girls uh because a lot of the movies not going to be pretty so it's like like a rest for your eyes right well I'm not very pretty and Evil Dead I can tell you that I bet you are do you like what I'm doing with my eyes here I don't know if I should have started it but I'm doing it now like does it remind you of the movie a little bit like that's kind of what happens to me really

do your eyes go like this a little bit can you do this with your eyes without your fingers I don't think that's possible is it I don't know it's worth trying you ever been you ever been to Amsterdam um no they got some they got some pretty good coffee in N yeah I think they're known for more than just their coffee aren't they H not so yes yes yeah a little bit quickly we got to get out of here do you fancy a mouth organ an awkward pose sure sure sure yeah sure what do I

do take it out you sure is it clean of course it's clean it's new yeah it's brand new never been touched it's like a taking out a cond not that I not that I've done that not that I've done that in a in a while I can't say I've ever done that as three children ready one two 1 2 3 4 wait anybody you're not American no where are you from I'm from England really how Charming I know really which which part of England Windsor really I always enjoyed meeting English girls I always like meeting

English girls and perhaps maybe doing to them what they're ancestors did to my country I always not that my what big hands you have hello it's created by Ryan Murphy who did Nip Tuck oh yes that's the show about the plastic surgeons that are sexy it was sexy yes I haven't seen it oh you haven't no no but I hear yeah I was on it for a long time and um I'm glad you it some really embarrassing things no no no I did you I did naked anyway wanted to see a DVD box thing just

in case you know I'm oh no please was that creepy when I said that I didn't mean it to be I'm was just kidding on get me really I'm not kidding uh you were a waitress in a Howard Johnson's I was a fountain girl at hoo's and I was oh do you have that uniform as well I had the the little po uniform yes and I was so short I used to have to jump into the bin where all the ice creams were the 54 flavors this is like a dream I had and and there

was a a melted ice cream line across my chest at all times on the polyester uniform it's not as attractive it wasn't good really This truly is the greatest day of my life I 14 years 14 years you been right in Show Business you get like some sort of a medal for that it's a lot yeah but we but we like you have you know other people that we sleep with so oh no I don't no I don't do that oh you were kidding no yeah I was kidding oh I just let the cat out

of the bag do do so you're a swinger do you go to do swinger parties in wouldn't not be so fun if I was yeah yeah you know what it would I'd be like let's see what you got now oh my mother's going to kill me no no your mother's been here be elegant Jolie why do you have to have that mouth not on this show if you if you're elant if you're here if you were elegant here you everyone would be like one of these things is not like the other you know it would

work I you are elegant you look lovely I like your jacket it's kind of business but sexy it's like ratty um a librarian well I like a librarian but ratty well I like filthy filthy yeah filthy librarian hello Alison you look nice I very much like your boots and gloves thank you they this is their first outing today they're very very nice inde they're very fun to to sit in they're not easy to walk in and I have to admit that I forgot my contact so I'm a little blind this is Craig kilborne kilborne yes

um and um and I was looking as I see that you're wearing your purple too I am a purple for the spirit day that's right purple thing and the purle and I'm also wearing purple down below let's see I have purple a purple thong on do you really yes I do let's see no really do you no okay uh it's nice to don't you find yourself if you wear one glove walking in circles I've only worn it coming down that hallway I haven't really gone out it's quite an odd sensation to wear one glove you

feel you should go that's magic De le have you ever have you ever uh go on help yourself yeah yeah all right maybe you should use with the one with the glove though until we know each other better would you like to put on the glove you feel a little magic yeah all right I've got enormous hands though I do too hey no let's let's check that out my God I felt a bolt of electricity go through my J right there it was like a Vulcan thing do it again oh also the drug stuff getting

over all that cuz I don't know if you know that I have had a very public drugs drug issue no IAD I didn't know anything about it sadly no that's all right or even like not sadly you know maybe it's a big blessing I've had it well you're not on drugs now are you no not at all well there you are then you can dance with a horse with the best of them absolutely are you you don't need drugs to talk to a cheeky robot skeleton do you are you on drugs am I on drugs

no not really we're all done with that I always say I always say I lost yeah yeah right there all right sorry man I always no I don't I haven't done any for years I mean when I bought them they were still using you know the the dealer would AR in a bicycle with one big wheel and one little wheel I was like that's how long ago I took drugs they're like hey do you want drugs there you and i' be like you bet you mister thanks for coming to Scotland where I'm the only kid

that talks like this uh that's very funny no thanks no yeah are you quite U do you have quite a hot temper do you think it depends where I'm at in my menstrual cycle uhhuh would it be presumptuous to ask me uh at what never mind I I think I know the answer no I don't no you don't no right uh really does that does that a real thing uh you know the old PMT aren't you married yes and you're really asking that question I've been married three times wow yeah yeah I asked the question

at least twice too often but men have a cycle too you know that's actually been proven by charet and doctors on television it has no I there is a there is apparently men have a cycle too where they you know go oh I'm depressed and then oh everything's fine and I'm like oh that's my polar disorder yes yes there like Sho yeah okay oh look at the hey look that's some ink you got there what's that yeah I have ink everywhere don't look yes no there's nothing wrong with that I'm a Tattooed Lady do you

have a trap stamp uh you know a little a little round you know what I don't like to call it that well clearly you do have one that so it actually goes all the way down my back really what down my spine what does it depict um it's sag no does it do you have aatto a Bob sagot you're welcome internet Rumor Mill um it actually is probably Le more spiritual than it is dirty and nasty horror likee um it sayso sorry daughter mother sister and it's my children's names they all does say in eng

Chinese Chinese you know because I'm I'm Chinese do you do you speak or read Chinese just those letters that are on my back and you're absolutely sure that's what it says Brad Garrett used to like to me bend me over the table and order off the menu yeah you know are you oh I'm on the Tweety I know I follow you on I follow you on the Tweety all pretty special yeah that's good how many followers have you got uh like 665 that's a lot that's a lot you have more no no I'll get I

think 14 that's a lie you have you have over a million yeah but 13 it's not a competition it's fine we're different people oh okay all right you know anatomically really explain can you show me in some way um well Jeff Jeff can you explain what's the difference between a man and a lady no that's it that's all you can dud uh Bulls you look Sensational tonight are you going out somewhere special afterwards I just came to see you really yeah looking this good well you look a lot better than the last time I saw

you when was show oh on your show yes but you put me you dressed me up in costumes make me do little tricks you I think you were dressed as a woman I was that's right yeah don't spoiler La yeah um Craig and drag is a is a very frightening thing to um I have to say in drag I feel I look even more like a dude very not make you do not make a pretty woman I do not you on the other hand make a very attractive woman well cuz I am one well that's

going to work for you do you do you ever thing a thing about Tom celic or do you just like big men with mustaches I like big men with mustaches really no but I just fell in love with him back in the day right you like the Magnum PI I like the Hawaiian shirts I've never heard of them oh you're so funny you should be on the television I'm Em I'm actually embarrassed I said that I blushed no really blushed at is that the kind of blush that no that was just a really like oh

my god I've just made a fo of myself a national TV BL oh but this is the place to do it yes I I do it here every night yeah absolutely nonsense no are you crying yeah no I've made myself I've laughed at my own Badness of my own joke that's exactly my [Laughter] technique oh it's lovely to see look at you you look Sensational that's a lovely silky thing going on and let me see your shoes oh yes very nice shoes design these who the Olen twins shut up I know it's not weird I

have a shoe company and I think they make really did they do one shoe each or did they I don't know their names Mar Mary Kate and Osama Mary they uh we had a live show last Wednesday and it was like being shot out of a cannon and it was so much fun my God it was fun now I'm I'm sort of addicted and I want that's why we do this show live every night because I it was so sweet of you all to stay up so late really nobody watches it when it goes out

out now like I'm I used to when I was young but yeah what really oh yeah I used to late late things yeah didn't you sure when you I always wanted to be in late night television it's nothing to do with having a failed career as an actor it's like the Pinnacle yeah it's what I always wanted to be come out read some Q cards tell nobody cares what you say cuz they're all sort of half in the bag that's right it's kind of like my childhood oh shut up we first met you were reading

that poem at John car Lynch's house I know I had the I admitted last time I was on so too I've sort of had a big crush on you and I I had a big crush on you too the poem was about vaginas it it I mean I least I think it was about vaginas wasn't it I there were some sexual you know connotations in that poem I don't know what I can't remember what it was about I got lost in your in your eyes and what you mean I don't think that's true I think

you might be doing that talk show thing of flirting with the host I tried that when it was on Leno it doesn't work at all he was like do you like doing the talk shows no I I don't care for it either to be honest I I'm but you taking your necklace off yeah I'm taking it off cuz I'm too worried it's going to hit my microphone and they're going to get mad at me so I'm going to take it off I like What's Happening Here undressing it's like a whole how's this thing that you

feeling a little constrict that a little bit take it off relax I'm I'm doing something down in Louisiana right now and I had a couple days off wait wait what do you mean doing something down in Louisiana what are you talking about I'm working on something oh y acting oh right I thought you were like doing something like doing a thing like like I a thing no but I I I watched all of season one and two of Game of Thrones and C everything all right well that's what I'm going to do too now apparently

yeah go down to Louisiana watch Game of Thrones I think I'll yeah you can back here in a few years you can do that right now anyway we're out of time um we've got three dogs one farty English bulldog named Buster I've got a farty French Bulldog do you yeah it's a problem it's real I've got some special food chocolate CH you can no you can't ever give chocolate dog I know you can't do that I know I don't even know why I said it I such a too much chocolate I know I that's what's

wrong with me too it's on my mind no more chocolate I know I'm sorry I've been eating too much of it it's making me weepy and farty yeah and cranky right P yeah yeah exctly in your p in my pant well did you ever wait tables while you were waiting you know what I didn't but I just waited tables for the first time last week why I took a catering job how's the show doing I know I know I I I've never done it and I and I I don't I like to be busy yeah

yeah sure yeah yeah so I did it it was fascinating how bet yeah people are people are so rude people are rude yeah people are awful and you know what I'll tell you something the people who are rude I was uh I was catering so you know you're passing more deres I didn't bring them more deres after a while I just stopped I was like if they want to find me they can find me but the people who are nice I'm bringing them the stuff Fresh Off The Grill well you're going to damage your catering

career don't normally craigy craigy we don't normally let anyone dance with the horse but when you came over wearing that dress and whispered in my ear as you said I'd like to dance with the horse then the horse when a woman says that then the horse comes out you're nice and everything but I've never seen a a horse with blue eyeshadow Before You Wear It Well you do that's natural you have a very odd group here yeah yeah we we do but I think you fit right in don't you did you choose that cup to

match your dress you know I used great I used to be a model you did right yeah you know you have you have a very a very lovely staff they came out and asked what color mug I would like to have on the set yeah but that's that's how they soften you up before they tell you you're not getting paid for your [Laughter] appearance I don't mind you leaving as long as I can watch you walk away H you know that never gets old yeah for me NE I tell you oh John and I used

to fly first class together we we used to hold each other's hands as we took off cuz we were terrified and then once we got up in the air we were like we we we couldn't get enough first class be like we want more warm nuts give us some more sh that we were just like just love that's what I love about first class is warm nuts really I didn't know you like warm nuts I well I come from a cold climate so you know it's the novelty value for me listen I it John is

sadly missed and it's it's a great loss to to the show and to the community you