A video for when you doubt yourself

hi I'm Angelo I'm 13 years old I'm from Southwest Wales and I'm self-educated basically I like the idea of being creative and creating things yourself that stand for your philosophy or creating a mood that you can share with other people about this time last year I quit school to self-educate myself to teach myself things that the school doesn't hey Dad I'm going to start recording for a movie are you yeah it's going to take place when I'm 45 huh what's about to happen within the next 5 years Dent the universe yeah s Sor [ __

] [ __ ] on your dream like my entire [Music] dream and in a [ __ ] Shar M oh my God the funny thing about the sense that one is destined for success is that when they win it's called Divine intuition but when they don't it's called narcissism or delusions of grandeur when I was 11 years old I began to get that sense I would watch motivational speakers talk about successful people about greatness and I would think to myself hell yeah I'd watch a movie and if there wasn't an epic training montage then I'd

consider it to be a bad film there is no tomorrow I didn't realize it at the time but I was forging a core aspect of my personal identity that when everybody else tried for 10 I'd be the guy who tried for 20 and a video has emerged showing a group of youngsters risking their lives at the top of an eight story I was into parkour at the time and I would train until the Patel attendons in both of my knees got so bad that I ended up in crutches but I did get pretty decent on

parkour good enough to compete at a few competitions one of which nearly killed me when I got slapped in the spleen by a bar of scaffolding an injury that had six doctors telling me that I might not make it it was my first encounter with death and realizing how limited our time here was caused me to re-evaluate how I was spending every second of it and I came to the conclusion that school had to go so I wrote a document outlining the pros and cons of self-education and presented it to my family and With a

Little Help from a psychologist's professional opinion I managed to escape School my future was now my own and I did not anticipate how much pressure comes with that I essentially had a quarterlife crisis at the age of 12 and the whole experience [ __ ] me up for a while enough to land me in the offices of a few therapists I picked up a pen a camera a microphone Bitcoin just about anything that captured my interest and began experimenting but over the years the camera was the only thing that stuck I started making shitty travel

videos got a few gigs at some music events that paid about 20 bucks and with everything that I created I was sure that it would go viral and launch me towards my destined success it never did thanks an um yeah so um don't touch meth kids is the uh that's the underlying message there uh the next talk after fast forward a couple years and between the pressure of proving to my family that self-education was was a good decision parental divorce proceedings and the failure of every single one of my terrible creative Endeavors alcohol addiction getting

scammed by my first employer cheated on by my first love and a shitty encounter with the police The Vibes were astronomically low in 2017 so I did what lots of 15-year-olds would do in that circumstance drugs 2017 sucked and the night that I was called into the police station for possession of weed I reached a fork in the road try even harder to fix the mess take on more suffering in order to keep my dream alive or give up go hard or go home I went home I never would have told you that I had

given up but I spent all of my time hanging out with drug dealers getting into fights and partying so my actions spoke [Music] louder day by day my dreams began to look like nothing more than just dreams naturally the next 3 years were a write off but after a few more close encounters with police you want a bag on top of you nope and sees a vehicle under Section 59 of a police Reform Act 2002 okay you po your signature there to say I've read that to you when I was 18 I reached that fork

in the road again go hard or go home but this time I decided to go hard I got so fell back in love with learning wrote a book and started going to conferences the book didn't sell very well but it did get me a job working as the video guy at a Bitcoin brokerage and running their YouTube channel the only catch was that I would have to leave all of my friends behind and move to a new country on my own at 19 years old hello YouTube channel I haven't started yet and won't start for

another 2 years hello anyway this is me in the past when I was 19 here's some more my belongings in my books a sacrifice that I was willing to make in exchange for my dream I love it and thus began the loneliest two years of my life and two years of isolation and hard work later I was independent in the best shape of my life let's go getting invited to podcasts and to speak at conferences uh like we said we've got Angelo here with us this evening Angelo M I love Angelo's mind man he thinks

in some uh ways that you know sometimes I I think [ __ ] know I think I'm F sday we have another returning guest Angelo Morgan Summers he's the author today I'm speaking with Angelo hey Angelo how pod we have Angelo the guest will be joining us is Angelo introduction by request a professional cool kid Angel a girl I was head over heels for came back into my life and I had done it all without school for a brief moment in time I was on top I started to feel like there was light at the

end of the tunnel like my sense that I was destined for something more was correct and that all of my sacrifices weren't for nothing and then a couple days after my birthday last year I got a call from the CEO the company had gone bust overnight everyone got fired I lost almost all of the work that I had produced in the previous two years I moved back home feeling as if 2 years worth of working harder than I ever had before had just gone down the drain things didn't work out with the girl and I

started to get that feeling what if my dreams are just dreams and there it was again the fork in the road go hard or go home I went hard the videos I made for the company's YouTube channel didn't get many views but they did get me a remote script writing job for another YouTube channel suddenly I was making enough money to go and see the world working remotely a dream that I've had since I was 13 so I packed my bags don't me to the boy don't fake on me the boy don't fake fake don't

fake don't fake on me don't fake don't fake don't fake fake [Music] me don't F me don't don't don't me boy don't F on me is it boy don't don't F on can we get a different [Music] female why they feel like my intention something [Music] ugly if I gave you my heart would you still love me L B I feel like nobody trust me trust [Music] me don't F don't F don't f [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] when you're out of it of course like about halfway through that trip

I got a message from my script writing client telling me that they were canceling the show and just as fast as I had achieved my dreams I lost them I was on my own in a remote island in Thailand with a laptop and a camera and I just been told that my income was getting cut off and there it was again the fork in the road go hard or go home I flirted with the idea of settling drinking again getting a normal job being normal but at this point I knew I wasn't built like that

anymore I had made a habit out of chasing my dreames with Reckless abandon but I had no idea what to do next so in the meantime I decided to start my own YouTube channel and share some of the things that have got me this far I made a video talking about my generation's struggle with masculinity and it got 100,000 views in the first 5 weeks this was the first time anything I ever made got any recognition so I was shocked that guy hey man I'm going to give you a sub dude you got no subs

but um shout out to you dude I made some other videos about about how I found meaning in my life and escaped nihilism and I started to get some messages that said things like I came to some realizations while watching your videos that might have saved my life I got hundreds of comments that made me feel like my suffering wasn't for nothing messages I had always dreamt of reading began flooding into my inbox and I realized something the line between Grandeur and delusions of grandeur is just one good day and because of this it's not

about whether or not you make it it's about how unwavering you can be in your Pursuit how ruthlessly you can refuse to settle because making it can only ever teach you something about the world but going hard trying regardless can teach you something about yourself and that is invaluable I think almost everybody has that voice in their head that tells them the destined for something great but only some of us act like it and in the end what's going to matter more to you that you won or that you fought I'm not talking about some

dumb participation trophy [ __ ] either I'm talking about the warrior stand the moment where it's The Last Samurai and the enemy is at the gate by the thousands and though he knows Death is certain he fights regardless why clearly not because he wants to win he knows that he won't but because he wants something bigger than that he wants to fight when I got the call that I was going to lose my job and two years worth of work I was pretty convinced that I was a fraud that my dreams were just delusions of

grandeur and that maybe the sensible thing to do would be to settle down and get a normal job but after years of being the guy who tries for 20 it had become who I was it was in my blood and that I kept trying had become more important to me than whether or not I win I still feel a crushing sense of fear when people ask me what I'm doing and I tell them I'm making videos for a YouTube channel with 6K Subs because I have no idea whether or not it's going to work out

in fact the odds are that it probably won't but if it doesn't I'll be the guy who tried regardless that matters to me a lot the line between Grandeur and delusions of grandeur is sometimes as thin as one good day so if that day ever finds you what do you want your story to be the guy who cowed away and got lucky regardless or the guy who refused to give up whether you like it or not your actions are not just your own you're at the center of a Social Web only six people removed from

everybody on earth and the way that you choose to live will bleed into that web further than you think so what do you want to represent only trying when you know that you'll probably win or trying even when failure is almost certain I've failed at more things than most people my age have ever tried and it sucks every [ __ ] time but when I look back at my life it was the periods of time where I wasn't trying that were the worst because I had the lingering background pain of knowing that even if I

did have what it takes I would never find out when you hear my story it might sound like between the ages of 15 and 18 I gave up on my dreams because I got into drugs but it was the other way around I got into drugs and partying to distract from the pain of knowing that I was letting my dreams slip through my fingers so if you're anything like me cursed with ambition and delusions of grandeur just hear me out people will tell you that you're delusional you will tell yourself that you're delusional they will

give you plastic encouragement when you're stationary and tell you to be sensible when you start to gain momentum they will offer countless cautionary tales about why your latest opportunity won't work out and most of the time they will be right but they have to be right every single time you only have to be right once and then all the pain all the sacrifice all the sleep you lost when you were too busy dreaming will suddenly become worth it you will reach back through time and alchemize that suffering into something incredible something rare something you and

the thing that sucks the most about trying that you don't know whether or not it'll work out is exactly what makes the act of trying regardless so beautiful and May maybe it's not about getting rewarded maybe it's about living beautifully maybe the reward isn't what you get but who you get to see yourself become after all that's the only reward that can't be taken from you so before you tell yourself to be realistic remember this the odds of your existence are less than 400 trillion to one you don't know what you are where you came

from or what it's all for there is an entire civilization of cells that you've never met working 24/7 to keep you alive and you have no idea how any of it it works so maybe you're not the best Authority on what is realistic and what isn't you know almost nothing but you know that your days here are numbered so in the words of the last great emperor of Rome Marcus Aurelius think of yourself as dead you've lived your life now take what's left and live it properly [Music]