Cereal: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive)

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John Oliver explains why we need a fun new cereal, and makes a proposition for Cheerios. Connect with Last Week Tonight online... Subscribe to the Last Week Tonight YouTube channel for more almost news as it almost happens: www.youtube.com/lastweektonight Find Last Week Tonight on Facebook like your mom would: www.facebook.com/lastweektonight Follow us on Twitter for news about jokes and jokes about news: www.twitter.com/lastweektonight Visit our official site for all that other stuff at once: www.hbo.com/lastweektonight

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Video Transcript:

Hello there internet i'm john oliver host of last week tonight we are off this week but i'm coming straight to youtube exclusively to say smash that like button hit subscribe click that notification bell hit the little x on your browser close your laptop and go outside because this whole video is about cereal i'm aware that there is a lot going on in the world right now but Instead of focusing on any of that i'd like to raise a subject that is near and dear to my heart and that is there simply aren't enough cereals and to be clear i don't mean in a food shortage sort of way like we're running out of cereal and as a result people are starving although that might be the case i don't actually know i just mean that there aren't enough new cereals Anymore you might say that's a minor gripe but think about it we haven't had an exciting new cereal in what feels like a hundred years remember how thrilling serial news used to be remember when trix tried to unite a divided country by introducing wild berry blue a new fruit shape that wasn't just red or blue but both of course you do it was a controversial as it was delicious and it represented What cereal could be at its best innovative inexplicable transformative remember when a presumably fatal factory error resulted in a cereal that was 100 crunchy fruit berries remember reese's puffs when that first came out no one even knew if that was legal it was candy for breakfast the point is when was the last time cereal news penetrated the mainstream Since then i'll tell you it hasn't in fact in the last 10 years there has been exactly one good serial commercial and is this one which is 30 seconds of sheer perfection no way no really i think i could dunk on you maybe but i bet i love kellogg's frosted flakes more than you you are funny that's the truth dolly Come on buddy my picture's on the box tie breaker who's got the deeper voice i win i win i win tony oh you're cute when you're wrong and i still love these more than you no way same time tomorrow tony yeah see you then buddy all right love you love you more excellent that is start to finish a perfect serial commercial because it begins with shaquille o'neal telling tony the Tiger no way with absolutely zero additional context right off the bat an incredible introduction to any piece of art and it ends with him telling somebody the tiger i love you in just half a minute it established a world in which tony the tiger exists has a handsomely decorated home office including a custom tony nameplate apparently video chats shaquille o'neal every single morning for breakfast And that they love each other that is a more richly detailed cinematic universe than what marvel has made in 13 years it is genuinely hard to decide no i'm still talking about the commercial it's genuinely hard to decide what my favorite part is up to and including the fact that on youtube it's titled mission tiger tit for tat look I can't say that that commercial inspired me to buy frosted flakes why would it after all they are human scabs that have been non-consensually dredged through powdered sugar they're a potpourri mistake that simply never got corrected it's a trash cereal but it is still far and away the best thing to happen to cereal in decades because cereals aren't even Trying look at cheerios their official twitter account has fully submitted to the worst toothless impulses that dominate positivity twitter they deliver empty nonsense like good morning today is yours what and families make the good go round what the are you talking about your oat hoops no one looks to cheerios for positivity Especially when you consider the fact that when cheerios asked for acts of goodness to share they didn't retweet any examples you worthless impotent empty suit of a cereal brand you know what i'm gonna issue you a one-time challenge i will donate 25 000 to the charity of cheerios choice if they simply use their official account to tweet you I'll do it and what's more i will double it if they target the twitter account of an actual non-famous random user and do it but the larger point here is cereal is in a rut and don't tell me there is not room to innovate here how about making an existing cereal blue making oops or marshmallows make gushers a cereal i don't care those are just three hit ideas off the top of my head and i'm not even a serial Scientist why is there a cereal where the pieces look like tiny little men think about it make the shapes little men with marshmallow dogs so it would be a serial way you pretend to be a giant while eating it listen to me and think about that uh what about nighttime cereal what do i mean by that i don't know you the market is hungry for fresh ideas here's another One what about a cereal where the pieces look exactly like legos and you can eat them and they're delicious i know what some of the parents are thinking they're thinking this is a great idea and they're absolutely right what about a mystery box cereal there's a big question mark on that box and every single cereal is different holy that is such a good idea why isn't there a cereal for goth kids seriously why not the marketing for almost every cereal seems to be sports centric there's often a chase or some heist involved or the implication that cereal is essential for before and after doing sports there has never once been a single cereal marketed directly and solely to soft Sad sixth graders who feel lonely even when they're surrounded by people and that is frankly unforgivable there should be a cereal for kids who won't really have friends until college and someone should make it for them and before one of you comments what about count chocula you goth kids don't like chocolate they hate it goodbye I am so desperate to see something new and challenging in the cereal marketplace that i'm here by offering one of our many living and breathing mascots to whatever cereal company actually makes something that i deem fresh and provocative you want the we got him tiger you got him you want mr nutta butter he's yours You want the vaccine cicada to promote your new cereal that's a very weird request and i already like the way that this is headed the point is any of these things are yours if you elevate the serial game for the common good is this what america needs right now no is it what it wants yes yes it is and if you hold up your end maybe just maybe we can heal this nation a little bit i'm John oliver this has been youtube smash that like button we'll be back june 6th goodbye you

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