Get Your Priorities Straight

Good afternoon. Dwayne here, Dr Creek Rainer School. We're up on top in the new place.

I've been working on the tack room and and uh getting it ready and um on the other side of the camera here. We got the uh got it fixed up for the office and and u we're putting in our own little private cigar lounge in here. And uh so I came up to get some stuff done today, but it's been raining since I've been up here.

And so we're working back in here. I just videoed a I just recorded a video for the Tack Room Bible Talk and uploaded it over there. And and so now I'm going to take the time and and uh catch up and do one here uh for the uh Wrangler School.

I'm about down to the nub here. I'm finishing up a tabernacle by my father and got me a good cup of coffee up here. And so, we're just kind of taking it easy while while the weather clears up outside.

It has rained more this spring. I I tell you, it's hard to get stuff done sometimes. That's what I talked about today, though, getting stuff done.

Um we we bought this place and it's 38 acres basically. Um the the house in this barn were built it was owned I'm going to straighten this camera up just a little bit. It doesn't bother me.

Sorry about that. Was owned by um some Amish. Now, Amisher are they're se they're they're all broke up into all different clans.

And you can't judge one group of Amish in one place by all Amish. They're all different because they're all dictated by their bishop and what their individual beliefs are. Um, and but anyhow, this place was built and I can tell that whoever originally built this place, they did a they did a really good job.

This barn, I'll show you more of this barn later. There's some real oldworld craftsmanship. Different spots.

I see some things that really some extra heart, some extra thought and stuff went into this barn. Um, some of the fences on this place are really good. Now, we are in a tack room, but that tack room is in the barn, so we're going to have some flies.

So, if you hear some buzzing, we're just keeping it natural. All right, don't worry about it. Um, some of the fences that were originally put up were put up.

It was done well. My granddad taught my dad when my dad was a kid, and my dad taught me when I was a kid. Um, the first thing you judge a farm by is the quality of the fences.

And a man with uh really good fences is a man that takes pride in his farm in his ranch. But since then, over the years, there's been other people in here and they they didn't they didn't take as much pride. And and that's already out.

I'mma fire up another one. All right. This is this is a good cigar day.

So, uh, I actually got a I'm going to smoke a Cohiba. It's a Esplandidos. I've had about half a dozen dozen different types of actual authentic verified Cuban cigars.

And these Esplendiditos, they're about uh, of the Cubans, they're about the best I've had. About my favorite. Um, but I prefer a good Nicaraguan cigar.

But, uh, somebody sent me these as a gift, a very generous gift, and and they're pretty good. So, I have one every once in a while. So, anyhow, when we bought this place, um, there's a lot that needs to be done.

Okay. The house was built as a shop house by the Amish and it wasn't um it's not finished out. It's basically just a shell with a bedroom and a pantry built in.

And uh so and then I'm just going to fuzzle around here, guys. It's just just is what it is. Okay.

Uh we got there's three pastures up here which are total between the three of uh make up probably um 20 acres split split up into three different pastures. And so we had that and we had the house, we had the barn, we had a lot of stuff that needs to be done and it and then we still have the place down below that we've been renting. I'm going somewhere.

or I'm just getting there kind of slow and halting. And right now there's just me, okay, and and mama and it it's overwhelming. And so I came in here and I'm like, man, where do we even start?

And so I said, okay, I started breaking things down into priorities. priority is I have to get the horses off of the pasture they're on down below because it was only like a 3 acre pasture and there's seven horses on it and the weather this spring we came in here in July in January about January 9th or January 11th uh and then it's been an incredibly wet spring and we had nowhere else to go. So they ate that pasture down and I was feeding hay and I said, "Okay, first priority is we have to get these horses off this pasture.

" So I came up here and went over these three pastures and all of them needed fence work, some more than others. And so I picked the middle pasture. I said, "Okay, priority number one is get the fence fixed on that middle pasture so I can get the horses up here.

" And that pasture is probably um I don't know 7 acres. Probably about 7 acres I'm guessing. And I knew that's not enough for seven horses all summer, but priority one step at a time.

So we mom and I spent two or three days working on fence and cutting out trees and cutting trees off of fence line and driving tost and getting more wire and stringing more wire. And we got that fence safe and solid enough and we got the horses moved up here. Okay.

So, that was a priority. And then I said, "Well, what's the next priority? " Well, the next priority is this tack room, office, cigar lounge.

I've got guys coming in and and doing we're doing interviews and podcasts and stuff like that. I said, "So, I need to get that done. " Um, and so I started working on this and I can work on stuff outside when it's not raining, which is seems to be pretty rare.

And when it is raining, I can work on stuff in here. Uh, the house is is basically it's just a shell. So, we have to build it in and so it's priorities.

Now, my wife, I told my wife from the start, I said, "You have followed me everywhere. " And this is our final. Unless God comes down and does something drastic, I've already got a spot picked out back there where I'm going to fence in, and that's where they're going to bury me.

I'm not leaving again. Um, and uh, so I told Dan, I said, "This is this is our retirement. This is our our end place.

We we're going to run the school here until we're not anymore. " Um, but you've lived in some really rough houses following me. So, whatever you want in the house, that's what we'll do.

Um, and you just pick what you want. And so, she has been and so I've had to come in and say, "Okay, we will do that. " But to just come in here, I can't pay contractors to come in and do all this.

Uh, so I have to do it and we have to do that before we do this. And then we have to get this done before we can do that. And we got to put a little bit more money together before we can get that done.

So she comes to me very, and she's extremely understanding and supportive this. She says, "I don't understand construction. I don't understand all this.

this this is just my wish list and uh and then you tell me what we can and cannot do and when we can and cannot do it and uh so I'll say okay we can do that but it's not on the top of the priority list um because it you know there's not just building out the video room there's not just fixing fence there's not just the I mean the yards you got to keep the yard mode you you got livestock you got take care of. I mean, there's everyday stuff that you have to do, too. So, you have to fit that uh into your into your properties.

Now, the horses have been up here for I don't know, two or three weeks now, and they're starting to eat that pasture down. So, I've got to get to the pasture next door, and I've got to do some fencing over there. I've got to hang a gate.

I've got to there's a an original homestead well over there that the cover isn't solid. So, I've got to get that covered up. So, I have to get that open up so I can move the horses over so the pasture on right now can continue to grow.

We we we don't want to overg graze anything. So, these are things that have to be done. So, I'm constantly I I have enough work here to keep me going for the next 20 years before I get everything done that I want to do.

And I think of things I'm like, "Okay, we need to do that. Okay, we need to do that. " And then I'm like, "I can't do that right now cuz this has to be done.

" And so I keep things moving forward and I I keep things progressing by not getting overwhelmed and not getting too distracted with little things to the side and just prioritizing. I you know if I get up over the morning I say okay I've got this this this and this that that has to be done well which one is the more important and so then I'll pro okay okay this is priority we've got to get this done and so I'll work on that and if I don't get everything done at a particular time that I want to get done I can at least have the peace of knowing I got the most important thing done today and tomorrow we can keep working down the list. Cuz if you've ever done work like this, any of this stuff, um, it never goes as fast as you think it's going to, and you never always have the supplies or the tools you need.

And it's all of a sudden, man, I've got I thought I had more wire than that. Now I've got to go to town to Tractor Supply and get more wire. Um, you know, and that's a 18 mile round trip.

And that took a chunk out of the day. I wasn't counting on. And you know, there's that sort of stuff.

But that that's just all of life. And and I want to apply it today. I want to apply it to a marriage.

Okay? If you'll let me do that. I know within reason that there's folks out there that your marriage has grown a lot of weeds and certain fences have been allowed to um get weak and trees have fallen on fences you had around your marriage when you first started.

And uh certain wires have broken and gotten tangled up and uh and And maybe you're not. Maybe you and your spouse are not. Let's just abandon the ranch and leave.

Let's just I'm leaving. Maybe you're not at that point, but you're not proud of what you've built. you're not happy, but you've become so overwhelmed with all of the weeds and all the broken fences and the leaky roof and everything that you just don't know where to start.

And so, you haven't started. You know, I spent I spent one year in Bible college one time. My dad told me before I left, um I I told him I said, "I'm going and I was I was grown.

Um, I was the second oldest or third oldest single freshman in the college when I showed up. And it was just a small Bible college. And my dad said, "Son, you don't you don't need to go to Bible college.

Um, you've been taught your whole life and you know more Bible than most of the professors that are going to be there. " And uh but there was a girl there and uh and I I wasn't going for the for the education and uh so I went cuz that's where she was going. Now when I got there she'd she had another fell and uh and I might have told this before I was I was heartbroken as I wandered around campus.

I was just devastated for about two days and I said, "This campus is just full of girls. What am I worried about? " And so I stayed for a year.

And uh but I I mean I left with a grade point average of 1. 11. I wasn't there to study, to learn.

I I didn't have a major. Um I had wasn't for any of that. But I would come in, I'd walk into my dorm room and I'd have a stack of books about that high and I'd slam them down on my desk and and I'd say, "Boys, I've got so much homework to do.

I think I'm going to take a nap. I was just overwhelmed with the school. I was homeschooled, you know.

I didn't grow up in that environment. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. There's there's more here.

And I don't even know where to start. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm going to go take a nap.

I ain't going to do any of my homework. Um, if you're going to college, that's not how I recommend you approach it. But that's how we get with life sometimes.

Whether it's the farm, whether it's the marriage, whether it's our the quality of who we are. We're like, man, I've got so much homework. I have so much to study.

I have so much to fix. I don't know where to start. So, we take a nap.

We go to sleep. And it never does get done. All right?

And so sometimes if we want to if we want to repair a farm and a farm will not get in this kind of disrepair overnight and so it's not going to get fixed overnight. It took years of neglect for things to get in this condition. Okay?

And so it will take sometimes it'll take years uh to get it back into its original condition. Marriage is the same way. Your marriage does not get to the negative state that it's in overnight.

Usually sometimes a tornado will come through and wipe out your farm and sometimes a tornado will come through and wipe out your marriage. All right? Uh but normally it doesn't.

And so you you start out by saying, "All right, I'm probably going to have to spend the rest of my life getting things back to the state that they were, the pristine state that it was. Um, but it's worth it. So what I'm going to start doing is I'm going to start prioritizing.

" Well, what is your priorities? My priority is my finances. No, it's not.

No, it's not. Well, my priority is a bigger, better house. No, it's not.

It's not. Um, well, Dwayne, what is my priority? Your priority is your partner.

Your priority is your best friend. All right. And that's your priority.

Now, I could spend years working on this place and eventually, if I don't die first, get it back up and get it to where I really want it to be. Um, but if I got mama out here helping me, we get it done a whole lot faster. And the work becomes a whole lot easier.

It's the same with your marriage. First thing to do is get your spouse back on your side. Uh, now I'm not saying she doesn't love you anymore.

All right, maybe she don't. And I'm talking to fellas, wives, get what you can out of it. Okay, sorry, but that's how this channel works.

Okay, I'm not saying she doesn't love you anymore, but she may not like you so much as she used to, and she may not respect you as much as you think she should. But then you got to ask yourself, how respectable are you? Have you earned her respect?

And so you start with the little things. I had to start. All right.

We we four or five years ago um you know things were pretty rough around here and it was my fault. Okay. And so we came to the point I came to the point it's like I've got to start fixing things.

And uh you know people say well one of the things that's missing is you know people don't tell their spouse uh I love you enough. I think there's something more foundational than that. My wife and I have started we still you know we tell each other hey I love you.

Um but you know what carries more weight than that is you tell your spouse you know I like you. I like you. I like this about you because love in our the way it's defined today and the way approach love becomes a duty and when you tell somebody I love you yeah it carries some weight sometimes uh if we act like we do but the other thing is there's always in the back of someone's mind well you love me because we're married you have to but I don't have to like you and so if I like you as a person.

If I respect you as a person and I tell you, man, I sure do like you, that carries a lot of weight. And it's a little thing. That's a little weed you can start pulling out of your garden.

Um, a just start with the little things. Uh, fellas, I'm going to walk I'm going to walk carefully here. I'mma walk I'mma walk delicately.

Okay. Um you say, you know, the the physical aspect of my marriage just ain't what it used to be. Well, whose fault is that?

Whose fault is that? When you come in from work and you just approach your wife, bam, all of a sudden, you haven't taken a shower. All right?

You haven't combed your hair. You haven't combed out your beard uh or shaved. Uh put on a clean shirt.

Okay? Put on a clean shirt. clean yourself up a little bit because you're telling your wife in a very little way that I you're you're worth the effort, honey.

You're worth the effort and I care enough that I want to take some extra steps to make myself more pleasant for you. And and we come and and you know, if we're not careful, we'll approach that side of things uh like we're chopping firewood. Um, and I've said it before, man.

Guys, we're microwaves, but your wife is a crockpot. And if you start of a morning before you ever leave, being gentle, being complimentary, not complimentary over the top to the point that it doesn't matter. It doesn't make sense.

It It doesn't seem real. It's It seems like you're saying something in order to get something. And uh and then, you know, depending on your situation, just send a little text from her.

Hey, thinking about you. Um you know, and then come in and and clean up and go help her with the dishes. Now, my wife and I, my wife and I had very clear delineations.

All right? I always worked the jobs. I always worked outside the house.

I always took care of the finances. Change the oil in the car. mowed the yard, split the firewood.

She had her job and I had mine. But, you know, sometimes if you'll come in and walk across that line and stand beside her at the sink and dry the dishes as she's washing them, um, you just pulled another weed, buddy. And uh, and you're approaching the heart of your wife like you did when you guys first dated.

These are the things that you have to start out. These are the priorities. You say, "Dwayne, our biggest problem in our marriage, the thing we fight about the most is money.

" Okay, money is not your problem. All right. Your problem is that you and her are no longer pulling in tandem.

You no longer have each other's hearts. If you have each other's hearts, okay? If you want what she wants and she wants what you want, then what you both want is the same thing.

Let's just say to get out of debt, but you approach it with communication. You approach it with compassion. You approach it like she actually matters to you.

All right? And this doesn't work in in all situations. I understand that.

Okay? I understand there's the other side of things. But if you're in this situation, um, you got to get your partner back on your side emotionally and mentally and sit down and say, "Where do we want to go?

" Sit down and have a talk. Where do we want to talk? Where do we want to go with this marriage?

What is the number one thing that's keeping us from getting there? Well, then, how did this number one thing come up? and what can we do to fix it?

What can we do to fix it? Uh and it just it starts with priorities. Okay.

Um you say, Dwayne, we we don't agree on the children. We're always fighting about the children. And so I think the number one priority is to get the children so they're behaving again.

That's not your number one priority. The number one priority is to reestablish the bonds of friendship with your partner and get your heart and her heart on the same path so you guys can agree. And that may not be instant.

All right, I've got a bunch of woods to clean out here and that ain't going to be instant. I've got to fix that fence down there and that ain't going to be done in an hour. It's not going to be done in a day.

Okay, it's not going to be done in an instant. But I have a goal in sight. And so I'm going to start out with the most important things.

Well, Dwayne, where do you start with something like that? You start with a pair of loopers. I talking about the fence.

So you you you start out with a roll of wire and a fence stretch. No, no, you don't. You start out with a pair of loopers and you've got to go down through there and you've got to clear out that fence line and clear all the bri out here in Kentucky.

These these brier bushes are everywhere, man. These these uh they're wild rose bushes and they they'll just completely So, you got to start out cleaning the wire rose the wire, sorry, the wild rose bushes out from around the wire. And you got to clean the saplings that are going up through the broken wire and the saplings down along the fence roll so you can get down through there to work on the fence.

You can't work on the fence if you can't get to the fence. So, the priority is not working on the fence. The priority is first we got to clean so we can get to the fence and then once we get to the fence then we start working on the fence.

But you have to start back here before you can go fix what you see is the problem up here. All right. Does that make sense?

All right. A lot of times your marriage is the same thing. A lot of times your relationship with God is the same thing.

A lot of times your relationship with yourself is the same thing. Okay. Sometimes you got to start out with a pair of loppers before you're ever ready to go to a fence stretcher and you got to start removing stuff that's in the way.

Okay, it's in the way. And these are the little things you have to do. So that's that's where we're at and that's what we're doing here.

Um we we made just we were out fencing the other day and we just made it a few feet down cuz we had to stop and and some of I had to go get a chainsaw. mama's out there with the loppers. Um and and we're just clearing out the fence roll so we could get to the fence.

Um before we could ever start cutting the limb that had fallen across the fence and finding where the wire was broken and fixing it, running new wire. We could not run new wire because there's so many saplings and so many of these rose bushes and thorns and stuff in the way. We had to clean all that stuff out before we could even begin to start repairing the fence.

And some of you, excellent, good job. You're trying so hard to repair the fence, but you haven't cleared the briars yet. And what are the briars?

The briars are how over time the your relation your personal emotional relationship with your spouse. You've allowed stuff to come in between you prickly stuff and thick and just stuff in the way. And so you need to start figuring out what are the briars, what are the saplings, what are the things that I need to clear out from the fence.

That's priority. And then go in and fix the fence. Okay.

Um I hope this isn't too vague of an allegory, but the grand thing about an allegory is you can take it and you can apply it to your particular situation. I can sit here and give every application I can think of, but that doesn't mean I'm going to land on the one that's your particular situation. Okay?

So, if things are a little bit overwhelming, just step back and start prioritizing. And your farm, you've been married for 30 years and your farm is kind of broken down and grown up. Sometimes you got to clear stuff out of the way that should never been allowed to get there in the first place.

And it's the little foxes that spoil the grapes. That's what the Bible says. It's the little foxes that spoil the grapes.

It's the little briars that cause you the most grief in fixing the fence. And it's the little tiny thing that you just ignore. You don't pay attention to.

You don't think it's important enough. Those are the things that are getting in the way of you fixing your relationship. whether it be with your spouse, with yourself, with your God, with your children, with members of your family.

Um, get your priorities in order, okay? And and then don't get impatient. things did not get in the situation they're in now overnight and you're not going to clean them up overnight and you're going to get scratches from the thorns and you're going to get stuck from the barb wire and your back's going to hurt from running the chainsaw and you're going to get frustrated and you're going to get rained out.

But keep a vision in your mind of what you want that farm to look like when you're done. And just keep plugging and say, "Look, if it takes me the next 20 years, then at the end of 20 years, I'm going to be h I'm going to have something that my wife and I can be proud of. " Okay?

I hope this encourages somebody today. Um I hope this I I genuinely hope somebody watches this, fellas. I hope you watch this and then send me a, you know, a comment.

Tell me, look, I watched it. It really opened my eyes. I sat down and showed it to my wife and we watched it together and we realized how things have just kind of decayed and we've decided that instead of selling the ranch and buying a new one, we're going to start fixing what we got because this is our forever home.

This is our forever marriage. This is This is my forever friend. Okay.

Anyhow, I hope it helps you and uh we'll uh we'll catch you guys next time.