How I Got Over My Ex

now I think as men we truly do stuff down our emotions I think the day-to-day we stuffed on our emotions but when we feel something it is a level of intensity that can move mountains and that's why I've noticed that generally breakups are a lot harder for men and it's also you know the reality for a man and the reality for a woman is very different when you go through a breakup as a man you don't have an influx of options whereas as a girl you're getting hit up by all those dozens of guys that

were dming you while you were in a relationship pretty much just waiting their turn but that's a conversation for another day and how you manage your relationships but as a dude it is absolutely brutal the month after a breakup you're in the club drunk trying to muster the strength the Courage the confidence to go and speak to a girl and put yourself out there and maybe meet new people all while your ex is being flown around the world taken to cool experiences by guys like me guys who have earned their stripes guys who have already

gone through the things that you've gone through and by the way when I said that your ex-girlfriend is probably getting flown around the world doing cool trips and cool experiences with guys like me I hope that that hurt a little and I hope that you understand that you can either get bitter or you can get better use that pain except that it's not fair because quite frankly it's not because listen you're not getting flown around the world as a dude in his 20s just because of your looks or your Vibes but that is the reality

of the world and that is the reality of privileges that women have and by the way men have a lot of other privileges you know it seems that the year we live in everyone just wants to fight men versus women who has a harder one side bashing the other no I think you can look at things very unemotionally and understand that things are very different for men very different for women there are double standards for women and there are double standards for Not all men a certain caliber of man but that is a right that

you have to earn and that is why I want to start off by telling you about my first ever breakup because I understand that that line may have upset you a little that your ex-girlfriend is immediately getting snatched up by different guys and being flown around the world for cool experiences but you need to understand that those same guys once upon time went through the exact same thing that you are and I am one of them so let's take it back to a young 14 year old Eman I dated my first ever girlfriend from the

age of 14 to 16 beautiful relationship it was my safe space now a lot of you guys that know my story know that my house was a place that I was scared of that I dreaded that I didn't ever want to bring people to I mean my first ever girlfriend I was so embarrassed in my house not because I didn't have warm water because I had no heating I was embarrassed because in my bedroom the wall was literally starting to cave in there was so much water damage that I could literally start to see the

inside of the roof and at night I could hear all the rats running around so Not only was an amazing relationship her family and her family home it was a safe space for me and I know that some of you guys when you're going through your first breakup it's not only just the person it may be the whole ecosystem around it maybe you guys are family friends maybe you guys have known each other for 10 years maybe there might be some other complications involved in it you know and that can definitely make things a little

bit more difficult but at the end of the day you still need to fight through it so my first ever relationship our family was moving back to the United States of America so five months before we broke up we knew we basically knew what the expiry date was and I remember I scrounged together all the money that I could to buy the cheapest economy ticket all the way to New York from London and I went and I visited her for the last time and I remember it was like this you know scene out of a

movie we're at our last final sort of dinner with her parents and and we're seeing the clock come down and as it gets to 60 minutes before I need to leave to the airport her and I just can't even speak anymore like our throats are so swollen we've got tears in our eyes because we know that it is coming to an end and I'll never forget it we said goodbye on this New York hot summer day I get into an Uber and me as a man well I guess that's the thing I wasn't a man

back then I was still a boy and we'll touch on that a little later down the line me in the back of this Uber I'm like crying and the Uber driver was so sweet just like your typical New Yorker he's like bro do you need a box of tissues man like are you good I explain the situation and he spent the next 30 minutes basically saying look bro you're young you'll get through it and at the time it felt like I wasn't gonna get through it it felt like my world was just collapsing that was

for me back then like the one ounce of safety I ever felt it was like her her family her home like it was for me personally it was the only sense of normality in my life at that stage it was probably one of the most painful experiences in my entire life and I am seeing that as a person who's gone through the most Crazy Life where the Devils seemed to follow me for the first two decades of my existence I have been to Hell and back and yet a little breakup seemed to be like the

most like painful and traumatic thing I will always remember that and I always keep that as a reminder of just how much when a man truly loves a woman just how much it tears him apart when it finally ends and you know obviously it feels like there's reminders everywhere I remember one time I was walking through the park and I'm walking and I get to this exact spot where me and my ex-girlfriend used to lay in the grass and we used to read Marcus Aurelius meditations together and she would read a passage and I would

read a passage and it was all like it's pretty much like the dream romance and I see the spot where we would sit six months prior and I just get tears flowing down my face I felt like my first ever relationship was just a mirage it was like a dream I didn't even live it and in that moment I lost a part of myself that I never got back and that part of myself was the boy which leads me into the first way to get over a breakup and that is to welcome yourself to the

club the first way to get over it is to embrace that this is your initiation I want you to think of your biggest heroes in this world and understand that we all went through the same thing we all had this shared experience this was all part of our initiation all part of our initiation to go from a boy to a man I mean really let that sink in the fact that you and I have gone through the same thing and you and I went through one of the same initiations to go from boy to a

man so it doesn't matter how strong someone appears How brave someone appears how much of a hero you think someone is I guarantee you that their first breakup the men that you look up to their first breakup ruined them and I can tell you do that from first-hand experience it was so painful but isn't there something beautiful in that isn't there something beautiful in the fact that as men we all go through it we all have this shared experience the thing is it's really hard to go through something when you think it's the end when

you think that it's the end of a chapter you know oh my life's over at that ended blah blah no you need to start looking at it as the beginning the beginning of your new life your new life is a real man you need to go through the hero's journey and you need to understand that in every good movie there are ups and there are Downs there's turbulence that's what makes it fun and when you start viewing Life as a movie you start to have a lot more reverence for the difficult times that life puts

you through so I just want to congratulate you and I want to welcome you to the club now the next way to get over a breakup is to delete all photos all videos and unfollow each other gentlemen I don't understand why you keep old cute couple photos it really is very Twisted to me because you need to understand that at this point to truly get over your first love they have to be dead to you they might as well be dead because listen if you got broken up with and you get back together with her

she will forever look down upon you always and if you broke up with her and got back together with her within the first year well then she'll think that you are indecisive little coward and never take you seriously either she's gonna think that oh you're just a sore person that just flip-flops your decision and listen there is no reason you should be following your ex-girlfriend when you guys break up because first things first she may be in a situation where she's hanging out with some gay dude you know someone snaps a photo and maybe she

reposts it you know re-shares it on her story and now you think that she's dating some dude or who knows maybe it's a second cousin or something like that and there's all these different misunderstandings I guarantee you you're gonna go on there and you're gonna look at who she's following and you're like oh who's this new guy that they follow each other and how do they know each other and it's just gonna mess with your head so don't do it because you're either gonna have tons of misunderstandings as I said you know maybe she's just

hanging out with some gay dude and that's a misunderstanding but it's gonna play and it's gonna twirl with your mind or even worse there's no misunderstanding and that dude she's taking a photo well guess what that dude is piping being your ex-girlfriend sounds harsh good you need a wake-up call so why is it why do you want to put yourself through that pain why do you want to see the dude who you pass the Baton onto and now has your ex-girl so listen it does not come down to an immaturity thing and if your ex-girlfriend

goes oh no that's immature we should still be able to follow each other well then you go listen my dear if I'm an alcoholic then do you think it makes sense for me to be following liquor brands on Instagram of course not so in the same way you and I shared a very deep meaningful connection and if I am to move on to the next chapter of my life I should not be knowing or seeing what goes on in yours and vice versa it's not an immaturity thing where you can follow each other back in

six months a year two years whenever the time feels right but for right now we both have processing and moving on to do so step one and there is no ifs ands or buts about it unfollow each other unfriend each other on Facebook unadd each other on whatever the hell it is that you guys do just separate from a social media perspective step two is delete all of the photos and videos that you have together if you add absolutely must then store them on your USB I don't want them on a Google drive or Dropbox

because you can access them too easily I want them on an old school USB tucked away in some closet so that way on the rare rare occasion that for some reason you might need it it's still there accessible but it's not something that you can look at at night while you're listening to some sad music and feeling bad for yourself because you didn't take my advice you didn't unfollow her on Instagram and now you've seen her abroad with some other dude and you're sat there rather than working on yourself questioning why is he better what

is she seeing him that she doesn't see me Shut the [ __ ] up and realize that this is a man's Journey we all go through it and this might be a little rough this might be a little difficult to hear but I'm saying it because I actually care this isn't some fluffy self-help [ __ ] because I actually care I am in your corner I am rooting for you you can come back and watch this video as many times as you want and every single time you can look at my eyes and see that

I've been there I've done that I have crawled out of I've made something of myself and heartbreak is the best thing that can ever happen to a man in fact let me rephrase that heartbreak is the best thing that can ever happen to a boy in order to become the man that you should be now moving on the last step is delete your WhatsApp your iMessage whatever chats that you guys have saved because as I said here's what's going to happen you're going to get very drunk you're going to come home at 3am you're gonna

look through old chats and you're gonna go wow you know like we really had something special like it's just uh you know maybe we should give this another shot and then your dumb ass is gonna text her at 3 30 some stupid text and she's gonna know that you're drunk home alone with no one else you're sad you're lonely you haven't moved on and trust me that is not a good look gentlemen as I said you need to let this old part of you die looking at old photos videos messages why that's so old you

it's like obsessing over the old worse unrefined you quite frankly there's no point the last way to get over a breakup is every single night or even multiple times throughout the day I want you to visit visualize and I want you to even talk to your future wife and your future kids ladies and gentlemen I know it's tough going through breakups whether it's your first one or maybe it's you know even your second or your third but quite frankly the fact that you guys broke up means she's not your wife she wasn't the one as

I said maybe if you let a few years you let the dust settle maybe things change maybe you guys grow but as it currently stands she's not your wife or she would have been and as a man the more women that you meet and the more women that you date you'll get a better understanding of what a true Queen is without inflicting trauma on yourself and that is very different to what women go through the more partners that are women has the more trauma that she's gonna have because quite frankly she's gonna go out there

she's gonna sleep with some people she's going to date with some people she's gonna carry on all this trauma and the later she leaves it in life the more trauma the more baggage and I don't say that in a bad way to women because once again who caused that trauma who calls that baggage it was the men so the advice for men and women is very very different but as a man the more women that you see the more context you're gonna have for what a true Queen is the reason I say that is because

your queen is out there it's just not the person that you dated so I want you to think five years ten years maybe even 15 years from now I want you to visualize your future wife I want you to have conversations with your future wife I want you while you're working to visualize your future wife visualize your future kids building a better life for themselves when you are sad at home and you just subscribed to your seventh only fan of the month and you just finished up a two-hour Fortnight session and you've just ordered a

McDonald's from ubereats and you sit there I want you to think and I want you to imagine that your future wife and your future kids are watching you and I want you to think about how [ __ ] disappointed they are because your future wife and your future kids are not a guarantee if you keep living the way that you live if you keep procrastinating becoming the man that you should be that's not going to be your wife some other dude's gonna outwork you and that's gonna be her husband those beautiful images of your kids

playing with your future kids the beautiful family life that you built that's all gone because you're so caught up on your breakup you're so caught up on your past you had no regard for your future and just how bright your future will be and just how bright your family's future will be so that is why I know it sounds strange but I want you to in your sleep before you go to bed throughout the day I want you to visualize I want you to even talk in your mind to your future wife to your future

kids to your perfect family and then I need you to understand that the only way you're going to get that by putting your head down and becoming a man who takes all the boxes and it's a slow painful journey and I can tell you right now the no dudes are gonna invite you on their private jet just because just because you're you be yourself no no matter what anyone says life is very difficult as a man you put one foot forward in front of the other for years if not decades and a certain point you

look back with appreciation that you built a kingdom but right now you have work to do so gentlemen I was very difficult on you but that's because I know how traumatizing and rough a breakup can be but I also know that it's the best Catalyst on Earth for you to catapult into a new dimension into a new Echelon of Excellence as a man so on that note as always I'm watching you and I'm rooting for you from far