Surprised My Cheating Wife With Divorce Papers at Her "Secret" Hotel Getaway Affair.

Surprised my cheating wife with divorce papers at her secret hotel getaway affair. Hello, guys! I hope you are all doing well. This is a pretty long and messed-up story. Sorry for any errors as I am writing on my phone. I've come to the end of my rope and have no idea how to navigate this mess. A bit of background: I am 43 and my soon-to-be ex-wife is 40. We have been married for 16 years and have two kids, a 14-year-old daughter and a 9-year-old son. Our marriage was very rocky in the beginning, but we

made it through those tough years and came out much better from it. We married young so maturity wasn't all there yet, but we knew we loved each other and could conquer any obstacle that came between our marriage. I'm still not sure whether this was wishful thinking. Anyway, my wife is a manager of a very big advertisement company for 3 years, and I'm in engineering for 7 years. Both our jobs pay well and have given our family a pretty good lifestyle. We were a very tight-knit family. We always made sure, as parents, that we were there

for our kids to create great memories. No matter how busy we got, we always made time for our kids. Honestly, I consider myself a good dad and husband. I messed up sometimes when it came to my wife, but I did anything for this woman. It honestly shocked me to my core when I found out that she was in a long-term affair. Which brings me to the discovery. Wife was acting distant. In fact, the last 2 years before this one were the hardest. She just didn't seem to like anything I did. She kept comparing me to

her boss (yes, I know now) and would always tell me how he would handle this or that. "Can't you read her mind? Well, her boss can." "Don't take initiative to take her out on dates and make her feel special? Well, her boss does that for his wife." "Why was I so immature?" I would ask. "What does she want me to do to spice up our love life?" Her answer usually was, "Don't ask. You need to already know and do it." So I researched, bought books (you know, since I was clueless, someone else had to have

the answer). Anything I attempted was met with either half-hearted appreciation or bitter disappointment. My wife was never like this in the years I've known her. So I thought that the inability to make her happy was something I seriously needed to fix. Little did I know it wasn't me who was doing the fixing. During this time, we were very close to her boss and his wife. They also have kids, and the kids loved each other. We brought them to our barbecues, family outings to the park, game days at the arcade. They have been to our house

numerous times, and we've been to theirs. It's no surprise that we became close. I would confide in her boss about our marital problems. He gave me good advice. I thought he was a swell guy. Anyway, back to the discovery. I had grown emotionally tired from my wife's demands to better myself, where the marriage was concerned. I was honestly shocked with her attitude because, before all this, I thought we had a great marriage. So one night, she was busy laughing and giggling while texting someone. I was next to her in bed and was curious. The moment

I leaned my head to take a peek, she viciously pulled away from me. She was angry instantly, asking me what I was doing. I told her I wanted to see what the joke was, and she told me it was none of my business and retreated to the bathroom. I think that's the day when I just knew, deep down, that there was an affair of sorts going on. I did not have proof though. I made the mistake of asking her directly the next day. She was furious and denied any wrongdoing. I did not have access to

her phone, but I wanted the truth terribly. I asked for her phone, and she refused. Only later during the night did she grudgingly give me the phone. Almost every text message she sent to specific people were deleted. I could tell because some conversations seemed inconsistent and others downright ridiculous. I gave her the phone back, and we did not speak of it until a month later when I was able to get a buddy on it to check the phone and recover deleted texts. My wife had gotten another phone prior and hardly used the one she handed

to me. Some texts were recovered, and it was through bits and pieces that I finally had proof that there was an affair going on (and you already guessed it – with her boss). I just knew if I confronted her then and there, she would find some way to weasel out of it. So I bided my time. I was a wreck, though. All I could think about is how it was going to affect the kids. The situation was horrible, and I cried in front of my buddy. I still did not want to give up the marriage,

so 3 days later, I bought "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair." It's okay if you're shaking your head. I started reading, hoping that if I gave it to my wife, she would stop this nonsense. I wanted my wife back, and I wanted to save the marriage. I had planned on talking to her on that Saturday to work things out, but she had told me they had an emergency at work and not to wait up on her. Of course, I contacted the workplace on the day to confirm the story she gave me –

and received no answer. They were not open on Saturdays. I tried... Her phone, but no answer. She came back home at 2:00 in the morning on Sunday and immediately showered, and then came to bed. I asked why she was late, and she dodged the question by saying that she already told me not to wait for her. I was sick of this. I did not give her the book I brought. I was suffering, and she didn't care. She saw me suffering and didn't care. I contacted her boss's wife to find out from her if she knew

anything. I was so desperate for stability, and to this day, I don't regret doing that. She was as shocked as I was when finding out. She wanted to confront her husband, but I told her he will probably lie and try to hide it better like my wife did. We met at her house to discuss what was going on, and I gave her the little proof that we had. She wanted more evidence, so we both decided to gather evidence on each of our sides and compare them. I started snooping on my wife more, and she did

the same with her husband. It was very easy on her end to find undeniable proof. Her husband was so arrogant that he didn't even delete the texts on his phone between him and my wife, and the little texts I found earlier finally made sense. We had a whole picture of how long the affair was: 2 years. The boss's wife was livid, and so was I. She wanted to get revenge on them, and so did I. They slept together everywhere: her house, my house, expensive hotels, business trips. It was sickening to read all that. They even

sent each other pics, but we decided to ignore the pics because we didn't want to scar ourselves with the images. We wanted revenge, but not an affair ourselves. We both decided that if they wanted each other, then they can have each other. We both drew divorce papers at round about the same time. We were dead set on it. Our spouses didn't know that we knew, and we acted our part. By the time our ducks were in a row, they were at it again, this time through collaborating with the boss's wife. We knew exactly where and

how they were going to be served. We knew which hotel they booked for their weekend of fun. I personally went there with the sheriff. I waited in the lobby as the sheriff got everything working, and my wife was called to come down from her room. She did, dressed in a bathrobe, and I feared nothing else. She was panicking, frantically asking me what I was doing there. It was quite a distance from our home but not too far. The sheriff asked for confirmation of her name and information. She confusedly answered in the affirmative and was served.

It was very satisfying seeing the shocked look on her face, but I did not want to rub it in. So, I decided to walk away knowing the job was done. She didn't let me and was holding my arm, pulling me back, and demanding to know what was the meaning of this. I told her, "You had an affair, and I'm leaving you. Simple." She started screaming at me and then pulling my arm hard. The sheriff had to step in and tell her to release me at once. She did so and started crying, telling me she can

explain. I had the wrong idea. It's my fault. I was getting angry, so I left quickly to get home. My wife told her boss, and he panicked. From what I was told, he rushed home only to be served there. We did not give them time to get their heads on straight. We blindsided them, just like they did us. My divorce will be finalized in a couple of months. Hers might be taking a bit longer. Both my wife and her boss have been fighting us on the divorces. Neither wants to get divorced. The excuses I hear

is that they never intended to leave their spouses. It was a purely sexual affair, nothing more. People have worse affairs and still come out with a great marriage. They [ __ ] up and would like a chance to unfuck the situation. I have asked my wife what she thought the outcome of all this was. She said she was going with the flow and acted completely out of character. She is not that person anymore. I told her she's an idiot. People around me are calling me evil for not giving my wife another chance. My kids know

what's going on, age-appropriate, and they are behind me 100%, but would like it if we stayed together. My resolve is slipping, coupled by the fact that we still live in the same house, and my wife is going to therapy and reading the book I brought. It's getting harder to stick to my guns. She says she's remorseful and will do whatever it takes. All I tell her is that she's sorry she got caught, and that's all I need to know. She's called me a bitter, resentful person who can't look past all the negativity. She apologized for

it later, but I know that's how she feels. The boss's wife and I still talk, and my wife absolutely hates that. She thinks I'm going to have a revenge affair or her boss's wife is the reason. I will not give us another chance. She has asked me repeatedly to initiate no contact with her boss's wife, just like she did with her boss. I told her she's crazy. We didn't do anything wrong, and why should I respect your opinions now? See, I think I'm done. I have no respect for her. She still doesn't want to give

up and is actively trying to engage with me about her thoughts and... Processes to her affair, I see as excuses, so I don't entertain her. She wants me to do therapy with her. I read many places where the therapist blames the victim, so I was like, hell no. She wants me to read infidelity books with her. What is the point if we're going to divorce anyway? She wants to be intimate. I told her she was not going to manipulate me with sex. She says it's not manipulation and she just wants to show me how much

she loves me. I corrected and said, "Love me now." You mean people around me are frustrated with me, even my mom, because they say people make mistakes. In my wife's realization through her mistakes, that she truly does love me. I told people that I will never be anyone's fallback plan. I feel very bad for treating her the way I do. I still love her, even though there's hate there. Am I being unnecessarily cruel to her? She's trying really hard, but I just don't care. Should I reconsider the divorce? People are saying I'm moving too quickly

and I will regret it. Is that true? I don't know what's real and what's not. Edit: Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my situation. I have read all your comments, and some of you touched on important subjects, and I will have a discussion with my wife in a moment. I will keep you updated, but I think divorce is really the best route for me and my kids. Reading here has helped, update for the story. Okay, I'm back again. I'm trying for the second time because I've been getting email after email asking

me for an update. Thanks for your concern, guys. I understand your curiosity, and I'd like to clear up a few things. Firstly, my wife and I are in a sort of good place right now. It is not because we are reconciling, no. I'm still divorcing her. The last update I posted, which was taken down by the automod, explained in great detail our situation. The short version is my wife is still begging for another chance and is doing whatever it takes to get it. I will not give it to her because her affair was way too

long for me to get over. If it had been a one-night stand, that would be a different story, but no, two years is just a slap in the face. I have gone to a few therapy sessions with her because I'm not a monster and still love her. One session was very good and made me understand that my wife is actually remorseful. She has not been perfect with how she handled the fallout of her affair, but she has been trying pretty damn hard. The second session was a mess of her upset at me for continuously contacting

the boss's wife and her being afraid of a revenge affair. It was the angriest I ever was throughout this whole mess, and we did argue a great deal later because I refused to do what she wanted, which is no contact with the boss's wife. That was resolved when I promised her that there will be no revenge affair. I know I don't owe her anything, but she's still my wife until our divorce, and I still want to hold true to my commitments. I've been going to a few more sessions with her just to see her progress.

Yes, this therapist is an individual and marriage therapist. No, I'm not going to these sessions because deep down, I want to save our marriage. I want to see my wife's progress myself, participate if I have to. After the divorce, I will step away gracefully. The boss's wife is still leaving her husband, and her husband is still fighting her on the divorce. She is as adamant as I am, and I will admit we do confide in each other when we have a low day. I still do not see any affair happening; we are just on friendly

terms with each other, that's all. She is a strong and independent woman who takes no [__] from anyone. My kids are fine. They know just because we're divorcing doesn't mean we love them any less. They don't want to divorce but understand why it's necessary for us in an age-appropriate manner. My wife doesn't work at the advertisement company anymore. She works elsewhere. She resigned shortly after I served her. She has been strictly no contact with her former boss. According to her, she reached out on forums to get help on saving the marriage and used that ad

eyes. I've been reading a lot here, and at first, I didn't understand why people stayed with adulterers, but after seeing my wife work her butt off to be a better person, I can see the temptation. She's not a monster; she's just flawed and made horrible choices which she's learning to be better from. She has offered me everything under the sun to be given another chance. I'm not so sure I have it in me. The closer divorce comes to being final, the more at peace I feel. We recently had a long discussion of her asking to

have a chance after divorce. She has offered a post up. I was not completely opposed to it, actually, but it would be a very, very long road for her to travel for me to even consider it a possibility. She seems quite willing, but I don't see how that would benefit any of us, to be honest. A huge part of me wants this divorce out of a fleeting sense of justice. It's the only justice I can get without lowering myself to an adulterer. My mom and I made up after I revealed more about my wife's affair.

Although now she's absolutely furious with my wife after learning the details. I don't know how to navigate that one rant. Revenge affair. Okay, I didn't want to write here until my divorce was finalized, but I'm just pissed off today and really want to vent. As many of you know, my wife is scared crazy about a revenge affair. Simple reason is because I'm still in contact and see the other woman. She betrayed my wife who is very insecure compared to other betrayed spouses. Is that how it's spelled? Other betrayed spouse is younger, a model, very attractive,

and owns a successful business. It makes my wife paranoid that I will give in to temptation and cheat on her as revenge. I still cannot believe the nerve of her to give me the "two wrongs don't make a right" speech. Of course, she isn't wrong and I don't intend to ever follow through. But her hypocrisy infuriates me every time. I'm going to visit other betrayed spouse like yesterday. She gets extremely sad or extremely clingy. I don't know how many times she has thrown herself at me just to make sure that I don't cheat on her

back. I reject her advances and it only makes things worse. It absolutely floes me that cheaters are this selfish, only thinking about themselves and their pain, while the betrayed have to trudge along and try to pick up the pieces. Another thing, our kids still see their kids. I never go to other betrayed spouse without my kids, but no, my wife still thinks I have it in me to be as heartless as she was and take any opportunity to bang the woman. Laughable. Om is still living in their holiday home, begging other betrayed spouse to take

him back. I'm not going to lie, it brings me a sense of great satisfaction to see him suffer the consequences. He has not tried to threaten me because of how much leverage I have on him. He is allowed to visit his kids anytime he wants, but doesn't want to see me, so he makes sure I'm not around and then visits. I pity the guy, honestly. Currently, my wife has been super apologetic. She has showered me with affection, which I simply brushed off. I'm not in a good place. We are having a therapy session today and

I feel like unloading all the pain and hurt I've had to endure because of her. The rage I feel is becoming overwhelming. Update: Well, checking in, nothing really new to report to you guys. There have been a few things that have developed, though. Looking through my posts and messages made me realize what a great place this is that gives support to people like us. I've been reading a lot of stuff that concerns infidelity in order to get a better picture of my situation. Anyway, during a recent therapy session with my wife, she requested that I

give her a little more time for her to win me back. She had reason after reason why it would be a good idea for me to at least try and see if I could participate in recovering our marriage. Not necessarily reconciliation yet. I repeatedly brought up the fact that she was only trying now because of the fallout of her affair. She would never be trying if she was still seeing om. She emotionally abused me for months and I'm not the type of person to get walked all over, even from the woman I loved. She acknowledged

all of her wrongdoings and apologized once again. She has given me so many promises of making it up to me. She wants our marriage to grow stronger than ever before and believes it's possible. I asked her if she was willing to put up with my rage because I have plenty to spare. She was like, "Absolutely," and she would like me to unload on her whenever I feel like it to help myself process the pain. Usually when I asked her why she had an affair, I get a million excuses. This time, she was forthright and told

me there was no excuse for what she did, and she would spend every day for the rest of her life showing me through her actions that she was truly remorseful and would never hurt me that way again. She actually unloaded her feelings onto me and it made me understand a bit that she really was very insecure of herself and jealous of other betrayed spouse. The affair made her ego skyrocket and she liked feeling beautiful and desired. She acknowledged that the affair was definitely a fantasy and would never last. She hardly thought about the consequences but

did think about it from time to time. She regrets ever having the affair and says she will live with this guilt for the rest of her life. She will probably never forgive herself. She told me she could never hold a candle to other betrayed spouse and the reason she was so sure I would cheat back is because other betrayed spouse is not only beautiful but she is a woman with integrity. Not once has other betrayed spouse ever said a mean thing to her or threatened her. It was all my wife's insecurities talking and maybe the

fact that I was angry at her for betraying me. Here's where it gets interesting: The therapist asked me what would it take for me to consider my wife's proposal. Nothing came to mind. I was honest and told her a time machine because what I have now is a sham of a marriage and I never signed up for it. She told me all marriages face problems ranging from infidelity to death. It's how those problems are dealt with that shows the strength of a marriage. I honestly could not believe where this conversation. I was headed, and I

told the therapist to focus on my wife. The therapist told me my inability to listen to logical reasoning might be a problem communication-wise. I did not disagree. My wife and I had a long talk during the drive home. She questioned if I felt emasculated due to her affair, considering she had never asked me that before. I was genuinely surprised by the question. I answered yes. She shocked me by asking if I would feel better if I slept with another woman. I again told her I'm not, nor will have a revenge affair. She explained that she

was talking about a trial separation where I go out and get my mojo back, and she will remain faithful and wait until I'm good and ready to come back to the marriage. I thought she was desperate before, but I found her proposal crazy. I asked her how that would benefit the marriage in any way for both people to be having affairs. She told me mine would not be an affair because we would be separated, with conditions aligning with my freedom to see other people in place. I told her that's a huge risk on her part,

and she responded that we were getting divorced anyway, so if this doesn't help us, at least I can see what the outside world has to offer. I obviously rejected the idea because it seemed way out of character for her to propose that. My wife has been strangely calm and patient these few weeks; she's like a different person from the crazy insecure one. Of course, I know not to trust her for my sake. It's very difficult though. Even though she doesn't want it, she has been very generous in the divorce. I've read so many times where

divorces get nasty, but not mine. It feels quite unreal to be in this situation. Edit to add: Let me make it clear, I'm still going fully through with the divorce. I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this update. Back again: Hello, everyone. I have another update in this sorry state of my life. Before I get into that, I'd like to thank the people who continuously reached out to me in support. So currently, my wife and I have decided to be civil and spend the holidays together as a family. It will be the last holiday that

will ever happen, although my wife is still hoping otherwise. I wanted to do this for our kids' sake. I love my kids. Our divorce will be final in the middle of February. For those of you who were curious, we have split everything half in half. Although she has been very generous on her side, I still don't know whether it's a tactic and she might turn nasty later. But so far, she has been nice and confesses that it's because I have been a great husband and father, so she feels I should get a more than fair

divorce. Considering what she has done, that is not to say that she will lose a lot out of the divorce, but I do get slightly more. Thanks to her. I have decided to stop going to therapy with her. It was giving her false hope and sending her mixed signals. She has confessed that she has a burning desire to be intimate with me throughout the time I've been absent here, and her understanding that I felt emasculated and undesirable. Thanks to her affair, she has been frequently, and I mean frequently, trying to engage me in sex. In

all honesty, my wife hardly initiated sex before all this, so I found it a bit upsetting that she was doing it now. Over time, I grew to appreciate the fact that she saw this as a hang-up of mine and wanted to address it. I've rejected her, though, but she still persists adamantly, stating that this has nothing to do with reconciliation and she just wants me to feel good and desired. I have cut off contact with the other betrayed spouse for now because things were getting a little too personal for my liking. To the person who

pointed out that I was having a revenge affair, I guess you were not way off. I didn't even realize it myself until the other betrayed spouse confessed that she does want to try and see where this relationship between us goes. She has stated that she would wait for my divorce to be finalized before we tried anything. I was very confused and had no answer for her, so we have decided to take a break from being around each other until everything is sorted out. The other betrayed spouse is an attractive woman, but I don't know if

I can return her feelings. I don't know how to handle that at all. Someone insinuated that being around the other betrayed spouse is affecting her possible reconciliation with her husband. I assure you that I have nothing to do with her decision to leave him. She is done with him, and that's all her. We do not talk badly about our spouses when we're around each other. The other betrayed spouse recently met me in person to apologize for everything that happened. He was always an arrogant guy, and this experience really humbled him. I did not accept his

apology. Call me petty, but I don't give a [ __ ] about what he's going through. I have a question: Is it okay for me to have sex with my wife even if we're not reconciling? I have to admit I miss having sex. I miss the intimacy and closeness of it all. My wife is eager and has been trying everything possible to initiate it, new lingerie, sexting, touching, letters, etc., and sometimes I find it hard to resist. She even threw away, burned, and replaced anything that had to do with the other betrayed spouse in my

house without me asking. Her to, because frankly, I just didn't care to know exactly where they had sex. It's not easy for me to switch off these feelings. Is this a trap? Am I being played? Before someone says "kick her out of the house", I have already tried that. I want her here because it's less of a hassle until the divorce is done. Rant: it's finally dawned on me now. I thought I wasted all these years on a woman who was nothing but worthless, but she gave me great kids and great memories—these things I will

never forget and will cherish as a man. But I finally understand, I can do better than her, and I'm going to do better than her. I have had a flood of people giving me advice on how to deal with this situation. I finally, finally understand that I deserve better than her. She screwed me over, put me down, and made me feel less than when another man showed her attention. She literally invested her energy in another dude. I can't believe I'm finally coming to terms that I'm over her. Only now, now, now she does whatever it

takes to keep me. Now she's investing her energy in us. Now she wants me to be happy when she didn't give a damn before. Now she wants to be this adventurous person in sex with me. The sex we had was never mindblowing, but I liked it. Now I see how much I've missed out on through her text with Om. I know just the tip of the iceberg how graphic their trius were. Now she wants to show me just how much she loves me when admittedly she has been quite lazy before. The lazy sex speaks volumes

to me. Now she gives me space and is happy and supportive of anything I do when before it was all about giving her attention and providing for her at the same time. Now she values my boundaries and goes above and beyond to add to them. Now she sees me as the king I wished she saw me as before, but no, I had to smack her off her pedestal first. Now she's the ideal woman, but it seems fleeting to me. Now she is completely transparent with me about everything, she is brutally honest too even if it

will upset me or embarrass herself. I don't think I've ever seen any woman with a constant look of shame on her face before. She wishes this affair never happened. I can see how much she kicks herself every day. I can see the hopelessness on her face when I'm just not receptive to anything she does. She looks so miserable, especially when she tries to hide it. It makes me hate myself sometimes, but to me, it's necessary. Why can't I see this as a positive thing? Why can't I judge her for her actions now they show remorse,

right? Many people have LTAs and come out even stronger than before, right? Why am I basing my decisions off emotion and not a place of mature objectification? Someone else will end up getting the better and improved version of her, while I venture into another uncertain relationship. Why not fight for this when everything seems to point to something good in a future? These are the lines I've been given, and I have one answer: I will not accept disrespect. Maybe I was willing to in the early stages of discovery, but I woke up from that quickly. This

is to answer the people who have me and regularly asked about my situation. I'm going to enjoy this Christmas with my entire family and then move on. For my wife, I decided to stop listening to the nonsense I created in my head to keep my wife's control over me and move on entirely from the idea of her. I will not be dating her or giving us another chance. We are over for good. I like to say that my wife isn't a villain, and that is true. I want her to be happy as well, but it

will never be with me. She has shown me that I have called other betrayed spouse today and offered her dinner after the holidays for her support. When I absolutely hit rock bottom, she said she would love to. I know this stuff doesn't happen often, but we really supported each other throughout all of this, and I owe her thanks. Before people start talking about how much I planned this with OBS, I honestly did not. My emotions have been so screwed up this few years that the very thought of another woman never crossed my mind. And it's

dinner, nothing else, unless we both want it. But the closer divorce gets, the more I realize I actually have options and one option has been right there. What about Om? I don't give a flying FK about the dude. I do not think I will marry again, and I will tell this to any woman. Although my divorce hasn't been much of a hassle, I am losing a lot of money still. The whole idea of marriage just seems like a sham to me now. Sorry for being so cynical right now. I don't want this post to offend

anyone, but I'm still jaded. I gave my best years to this woman, and I'm starting to realize how little I got back. Happy holidays, you won't be hearing from me for a while. Update: officially divorced. It's been a long time coming. I did mention before that I would come back and update for the last time. Here it's over. My ex and I have officially separated for good. It happened almost 3 weeks ago. For the better part of a few days after the fact, I grieved like I lost a loved one. I think it hit me

extremely hard. That my marriage failed so spectacularly never cried that hard ever since I discovered the affair in the first place. I raged a lot too, definitely one of my lowest points. Everything has been organized for my ex, partially on my part for the kids' sake. She moved out of the house, and I'm looking to buy her out of her part of it. She lives in an apartment now, very big downgrade for her, and it pretty much depresses her. She is still going to the therapist, still invested in reading and studying infidelity. Don't know exactly

why we've had long talks leading to an after the divorce, minimal physical contact. I know I shouldn't entertain her now, but she's still the mother of my kids, and I want us to be good co-parents. I'm nothing if not logical about the situation, largely thanks to this community and others, of course. It's the same tune, she wants to reconcile, and I think it's too risky for me to put myself in that situation again. Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to give her that gift. This past weekend I accompanied another betrayed spouse to dinner with no

intention other than enjoying each other's company and chatting. We talked about all sorts of things. Things got flirty between us, and I must admit I was very reluctant to entertain the rapidly changing mood. Well, I guess I should say the night ended in a very passionate way. Sorry for TMI, it was probably the most mind-blowing sex I've ever had. OBS is very much a giver and spades above my ex. I did not intend for it to go that far, but other betrayed spouse, who I was willing, and I was as well, learned quite a few

more tricks in the sack. LOL first time I ever had someone that enthusiastic to please me and not the other way around. Guess I shouldn't call her other betrayed spouse anymore as she divorced her ex, but for privacy's sake, I'll just use that. I do not think we will take our relationship further. To be honest, I think the hormones and wine got the best of us that night. She would like to, but I am undecided. I need to sort myself out emotionally, and I think she does as well. I feel very good, though people might

not like hearing this, but the sex I had with other betrayed spouse really helped a lot with my residual self-esteem issues. I felt desired, alive, and finally understood what I was missing out on. I will never settle for robotic sex again. What was more satisfying was knowing that I was not cheating and did not lower my morals. All things considered, I'm very proud of how I handled all this crap. I wasn't perfect, but did the best I could. I'm probably coming out very lucky compared to many BHS, even if I did lose a substantial amount

of money in this process, but it was because I was willing to absorb advice and listen to people with experience instead of going in blind and hoping for the best. For that, I will be forever grateful to you guys, you, and everyone who let me in ear saved me from destroying my self-worth even further. Takeaways - respect yourself, never ever accept disrespect from anyone else, not even people closest to you. Everyone deserves a healthy, fulfilling relationship, never settle for scraps from your partner. Every committed relationship should include a healthy and fulfilling sex life. If your

partner is not giving his/her all to you but did so before with someone else or in an affair, do not tolerate it. I'm not advocating sexual abuse or rape, simply lay out your dissatisfaction, if your partner isn't willing to meet them, do not settle for boring sex unless you both agree on it. It is okay to walk away from that. Communicate, communicate, communicate. I cannot stress how super important that is. If you're ever betrayed, only you can truly heal yourself. It took a long time for me to understand this. There are many more, but that's

all I can think of right now. I'll be available to answer comments that you may have, but in about a few hours from now, I'm done posting here for good and moving on with my life. Have a good one, everyone. Update: things are May right now. Hey guys, I've been getting a ton of emails from people who wanted to know how my situation is going. I have been purposely staying away from anything involving infidelity because I still get triggered here and there. With that in mind, I'm still dealing with a trauma. I don't like to

dwell too much on something, so I've been away from this site and others in a bid to move on. However, since there are so many people concerned about me, I will ease your worries and give you an update. I'm okay, no accidents, no poof, I'm off the face of the Earth. I'm still an IC other betrayed spouse. I still have my girlfriend. She managed to settle her case with OM when it came to child custody and finances. She could have been vengeful and taken him to the cleaners, but instead she handled that situation maturely. There

is indeed some friction between the children over all this. We are trying to deal with it as best as possible. We have had to start their therapy to make sure that they properly adjust and understand that the relationship other betrayed spouse and I have as little bearing on them. But we do consider them important when it comes to how this situation is handled. This is extremely hard because not everyone is on board. My daughter, my ex, and OM do not like being around each other. I genuinely think both of them blame the. Other betrayed spouse,

how things turned out! I'm not kidding here. There is tension when those two are in close proximity to each other. My ex still wants a second chance and is probably angry that other betrayed spouse is in the way of me seeing things clearly, and not throwing away all we have indefinitely. This woman is so diluted, I'm genuinely worried about her antics. She tried something at a Fourth of July party a friend of mine threw. I shut it down, but I guess not firmly enough. I did not believe the people that said she would be pining

for me, but you guys were right: she wants to come crawling back in a bad way. Other betrayed spouse is letting me handle that, but she's getting sick of my ex too. Did I mention my ex hates other betrayed spouse with a passion? I really thought that my ex was changing for the better, but ever since I left her and asked for someone else, she's been a train wreck. That's what I still don't get: I treated her better than anyone else in my life, and she treated me like crap, but the moment I basically said,

"F you," she is doing backflips trying to get my attention. I don't know whether it's something I should be angry about. Well, there you have it. Y'all can rest easy now. I am worried about my daughter. Hi all! I am not new to Reddit, but I am new to this sub. I've been looking around for good sources to deal with the situation I'm in. Feel free to check my history to get a better background, but I'll summarize it here for you all. My ex-wife had an affair that spanned on for approximately two years. During this

time, my ex-wife was kind of abusive towards me and compared me to our roommate a lot. Our sex life was worse than before, and I initially took all the blame for my shortcomings. Once I discovered the affair, I didn't immediately have a plan to leave her, but it slowly came to pass one weekend when she left to have fun with the roommate and lied to me about it. I reached out to other betrayed spouse, and we worked together to divorce our respective spouses. During this process, the affair was disclosed to our children in an age-appropriate

manner (a "mommy broke a promise to Daddy" type of talk – no details, just that we were going our separate ways but still love them very much). They took it as well as anyone in this situation would hope, but of course, they didn't want the divorce to happen, which is completely understandable. My ex-wife had been insistently pushing for reconciliation, but it wasn't in me to give her another chance. I forgave her, understood it wasn't about me, and wanted to be done with the relationship. As the divorce came closer to being finalized (though very costly, the

financial damage wasn't too great), other betrayed spouse and I slowly started a relationship. At first, it was akin to FWB, but now it's a lot more serious. If it wasn't for us supporting each other during the fallout of the affair, I think I might very well still be with my cheating ex, or worse, have killed myself. Half-joking anyway. I talk to my kids all the time to understand how they're dealing with this. I try to make sure our conversations are open, and if they dislike my relationship with other betrayed spouse, they can tell me so,

and I would not be offended. I don't want to put them in a situation that will mess them up in the future. My son, 10, loves other betrayed spouse. My daughter prefers a little more time adjusting to the new dynamic. She's 15, she says she wants to see me happy and doesn't want to interfere with my relationship with other betrayed spouse because it's not her place. I told her that I want her to be happy too, and if she doesn't like other betrayed spouse, she can say so, and I won't mind. She says she's fine

with other betrayed spouse and just needs some time. We have had many discussions with them about healthy relationships. I've had many discussions with my daughter about her fears and worries, and so far, she seems pretty supportive of me. Other betrayed spouse and I are very discreet with our relationship so as not to overwhelm all the kids involved – my son, daughter, and her two daughters. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is in therapy. Even the roommate, in a separate issue altogether. As you can tell, this is indeed a bizarre situation which leads me back to my

daughter. The fallout of the affair and decisions made have definitely strained the relationship she has with her mother. She openly tells me that she hates her because if it wasn't for what she did, none of this would have happened. She is extremely rebellious when it comes to her mother. She sulks when it's her mother's turn to take her, she brushes off her mother's attempts at affection, she even cursed at her once, which resulted in me stepping in and telling her to be respectful, which she did follow in that incident. There have been arguments between the

two, and it worries me a lot that my daughter is affected in such a severe manner. The ex-wife is trying to deal with it as best as she can, but there is only so much she can do on her own. She wants my assistance in re-establishing a relationship with her daughter because it was my decision to divorce. I could throw her cheating in her face, it was her fault, I am above that, but it puts a lot of doubt on how I handled this situation. Things to list that I'm worried about. About Dash, daughter has

no respect for her mother Dash. Daughter wishes things could go back to before; she doesn't know her mother abused me Dash. Daughter is in therapy, but I don't know how well that's helping her Dash. I am worried that she feels she has no voice and no control over the situation; therefore, overwhelmed Dash. She has handled my relationship with other betrayed spouse well, but I am worried she is hiding her emotions Dash. I feel like I might have screwed up my kids' lives by divorcing their mother; not going back to that toxic person, though. Any advice

is highly appreciated. Update: I know you guys were worried about me. Hey all, yes, I've seen your inboxes and chat requests. Sorry for not responding; I'm not active anymore here, but I'm very much aware that there are people who have been trying to check in on me and my situation. I'll ease your worries with this update. Be warned, this isn't a happily ever after. Let's start off with the big elephant in the room: How are other betrayed spouse and I doing? Actually, fantastic. If I knew a woman like her was out there earlier, I would

have hunted her down years ago. LOL. All jokes aside, I've never had a stronger relationship with any woman besides her because my ex-wife put me through the ringer so much, I had little clue what a healthy relationship looked like. I still doubted myself, but other betrayed spouse has helped me through this and is a phenomenal partner. I'm very much in love with this woman; she has shown me time and time again that I mean a great deal to her, and I feel the same way towards her. Nothing more than a girlfriend, though. I'm still doubtful

of the whole idea of marriage. We're still doing things privately and involving the children as little as possible in the whole relationship thing, but yes, the kids know we're dating. As for the kids, it was a bit of a rough start, who am I kidding, but they are getting along really well now. I think it mostly has to do with us being heavily involved in their lives and making sure they had an ear to talk to whenever they had problems; also, lots of therapy. My daughter and son love other betrayed spouse to bits; she has

a way with kids. Her children like me a hell of a lot more than almost two years ago. Her youngest even started telling people that I'm her stepdad at functions and outings I took her to, which greatly surprised me. I was worried she felt forced to see me that way, but she said she liked me a lot and I make her mom happy, so she's happy I'm her stepdad. You don't know how emotional I got after hearing that; it hit me like a ton of bricks from out of nowhere. But I did put up a

valiant front. I like seeing my kids happily playing with OBS's, although they formed a united front to relentlessly tease my son, who is the only boy and youngest of the bunch. Yeah, no idea if I should laugh or cringe at that one. So how about my cheating ex-wife? We are on good terms; she has been working really hard on her own to repair her relationship with her daughter, and I was happy when my daughter told me she could find it in her heart to forgive her mother for what she did. They have been through a

lot these years and have progressed well together. Even with that, I don't think my ex-wife has fully accepted that we are done as a couple; she still seems to be looking for her, hinting at a second try. She's been going to the gym and still attending individual therapy. Overall, she seems much healthier now, but I don't really care. I've made peace with the past; it's her problem for not doing the same. She talks more with other betrayed spouse now, which is reciprocated, but other betrayed spouse regularly regards her with skepticism, which she should given all

that's happened. OM is a lost cause. I didn't realize what a mess the guy would be; all that money and no brains. He has a girlfriend now, but his kids despise her and are very open about it. It took me some time to see how full of himself the dude was, to be honest. I don't like his girlfriend either; she comes off as extremely materialistic, selfish, and callous towards the girls. So to conclude, we are doing better than okay. Don't get me wrong; I had my doubts if this was the right path, but with a

lot of effort from the people involved, it's turning out splendidly. No happily ever after, just really happy now. Well, there you have it. Y'all can rest easy now.