debunking the MALE FANTASY - candid girlfriend, cool girl, manic pixie dream girl

these are men's fantasies that they're feeding us women like I'm so done with the pikm propaganda okay like the earlier we cured the pikm disease the better off we are hey bestie welcome to the spoil girly support group podcast where we talk about how to get that bag while also securing your own bag I'm your host L and let's get into it on today's episode we are talking about candid girlfriends cool girl manic pixie dream girl brain rot core we'll also explore the concept of inner lives and the performative imperative directed at women to perform

their inner lives because if a woman doesn't perform her inner life her interests her thoughts her art for others for men for other women does she even have one and also we will explore why it seems like only acceptable versions of an inner life qualifies a woman to have adopted a full personhood and to be adopted into the venerated class of a full self-actualized feminist woman and everyone else is a candid girlfriend patient zero of the pikm disease has nothing going on in her brain thoughtless a literal Airhead a blank canvas for men to project

their desires and wishes on obviously we don't believe that but a lot of people do so we're going to talk about it but before we get into it I need you to hit the like subscribe and the notification Bell so you never miss a spoiled girly episode with that being said let's get into it let's start with the candid girlfriend here's the video that started it all so what's your take my take is that all guys think they want to date the like cool hot artsy Badd girlfriend with like baby bangs and a bad father

but that's actually not the case at all what all guys in New York want is to date the like candid girlfriend you can trademark that candid girlfriend is a girl who's like five5 and a half naturally thin has mousy brown hair no longer than shoulder length she's like from New Hampshire maybe studied art history and I would say the biggest part of her personality is that she like loves pomegranate and her boyfriend thinks that's like so quirky and adorable 100% agree she's never the like overt center of attention but her boyfriend is always posting film

photos of her # 35mm on his Instagram story and she's always just kind of like the candid girl is the patient zero of the pikme girl she's not even trying to be pikme she's just authentically has nothing going on in her brain pikm girl is a girl who pretends to be interesting and unique to get attention this girl just has nothing going on in her brain she like likes good pottery and so all guys want that all guys want that because they can make a muse out of her also this girl is always referred to

as this one in the caption of the photo happy birthday to this one and it's always like a photo of the back of her head they're like in Tokyo on vacation in the spring do you know what I'm talking about they like both love Japanese culture but they're both white I've really only seen her on like the third slide of like an IG photo dump on her boyfriend's Instagram I would love to meet one of them I'm a girls girl I want to see you up close I want to touch your skin I her name's

Emily they're taking the hot men let's get into the comments is the girl's girl in the room with us the fact that she's being so mean about this supposed hypothetical girl makes me want to defend and befriend pomegranate girl so badly Emily is a Pik me but this behavior is somehow not I genuinely can't tell so a bunch of women were not into Subway girls take they think she is the pygmy in this situation for putting down Emily the candid girlfriend pomegranate girl and people not only wrote comments about how Subway girls take is wrong

they also made videos don't lie you've seen this girl before and on more than just the third photo of her boyfriend's Instagram photo dump you clicked you went to her Instagram you scrolled till you found an old boyfriend you went to his Instagram you went to her friends Instagrams to see if they had tagged her before you went on your burner to watch her Instagram story somehow you tripped and fell into her LinkedIn profile you blacked out and when you came to you were reading an online newspaper article about her coming third in a high

school track me cuz this is too specific she likes pomegranate girl what who what what is this shared woman we all know who likes pomegranate and her boyfriend thinks it's quirky this is personal this is a specific person Emily is real and she's in your head let's get into the comments the girl complaining about the Canon girlfriend is the final boss Pik me she's just too cool and chill she's not like other girls her saying they're taking the hot man at the end LOL Subway girls take definitely ruffled a lot of feathers but some people

have a different take someone said you missed the point that she's critiquing men who claim they want women with personalities but then choose a milk toast partner with no identity that they can project onto the whole issue of that video is that she's claiming she's making an observation about men's idolic perception of a type of woman yet she's only going in on Emily not this loser of a guy plus her saying that they're taking all the hot men at the end was laughable I honestly think she is making more of a point about the narrative

men construct about their chill girlfriends than the actual women you missed the point she was saying how the guy puts no effort in the relationship he calls her this one he only knows she likes pomegranate and and here's the comment that got me thinking like I think Subway girls take is a little deeper than a lot of us think it to be when we first watch it someone said y'all aren't hearing her like I am this video was living rentree in my head after a couple place I started hearing her differently too and this next

Creator articulates it perfectly okay I have two things to say number one there can't be a candid girlfriend core because there is no core there is no visual representation of what a candid girl is because candid girls do not have ideals of what they should look like second of all the thing that everyone is getting wrong about the subway Girls video is when she called Candid girlfriends patient zero of pikme girls she was not calling the candid girlfriend a pikme girl she was insinuating that the candid girlfriend is what every pikme girl wants to be

the reason that we don't like pikme girls is because the way that they act is first of all selfish but second of all disingenuous but the way that a candid girl acts is just how she acts and the reason that they're called pickme girls is because the pickme girls want to be picked so bad but the candid girls like subway girls said in her video are the ones that are actually getting picked but the reason they're getting picked is because men can make a muse out of them they're easily malleable not in their own personalities

but men can mold them in their own minds into what they want them to be and I finish this off by rounding it out and once again saying there is no actual physical look to a pickme girl they are unbothered by the ideas that Society has of them that's another point that Subway girl was making in her video very obviously that every single one of you misinterpreted she's not saying there's nothing going on up here and calling them dumb in every facet of life she's saying that there is actually no conscious thought in their minds

about what other people's expectations of them are in the same way that we are plagued by them I wake up every morning and I make myself look a certain way because I care so deeply about what other people think of me but candid girlfriends don't have to do that because they just go by what makes them the most comfortable and pickme girls wish that they could embody that but everything they do is disingenuous because all they care about is being picked by the latest form of male validation let's get into the comments Subway girl was

too smart for Tik Tok I love this explanation I immediately understood what Subway girl was saying ha Subway girl is so smart because she she is lowkey criticizing the men for how they treat their girlfriends but at the same time did she really have to go that hard on candid girlfriend probably not but the overarching critique here is towards the candid girlfriend's boyfriend not candid girlfriend herself she's literally right and the comments and the stitches to this video are proof to me that like you guys all think that Barbie is most rudimentary feminism 101 and

yet at every single opportunity you fail to take even the most like basic concepts from the Barbie movie and apply it to your own life there's so many SES in comments being like this is woman hating like you don't have to be interesting like it's okay if you're just a little bit boring like why are you hating on women that are just boring and it's like first of all I think what she's saying in this video is far more a critique of the men that specifically select for the type of woman they think of our

passive vessels for like their Arty Endeavor it's about how like he poses her in his photos how he like positions her in his Instagram and like how he thinks that her liing pomegranate is so like funny and Quirk I think it's far more about that then it is a critique of the woman herself of the Emily herself second of all the idea that like it's okay for women to like not be interesting or to not have any like interest or talents or like anything that they can present themselves as confidently the fact that that is

just like okay like sure you're not a criminal for being boring you're not a bad person for being boring but do you have to Aspire to that and this literally is just the Barbie movie like do you guys watch Barbie being like shoot I don't have any like interest or talents or like a sense of self I guess that's fine I guess I'll just sit no that's not the point of the Barbie movie the point of the Barbie movie is that she leaves Barbie land to live in the real world and to try and make

meaning for herself and she chooses like a creative pathway you don't have to choose a creative pathway but the point is that she's trying because the problem is when you're not trying you're really susceptible to just becoming this like passive vessel for people to project onto rather than being able to form any sense of self and being able to like achieve any kind of Liberation and again when Barbie is sitting there being like shoot I don't have a sense of self I'm not saying she should go herself I'm saying like it's good that she's like

I want to try to have a sense of self and it's so hopeful and it's so beautiful that she can want better for herself like it's okay to want better for yourself than to just like sit there and be this like passive person for people to project onto I think there's this really dangerous idea in all of this that like Collective Liberation is not going to require any kind of like individual reflection or individual action of any kind I just think that's not true and it's so like anti-growth like why are people so Avers to

like reflecting and growing like I think the act of doing that is actually a very hopeful act I'm not like trying to shame people into like growing and being better but I think it's like a very hopeful thing to want better for yourself I also saw people being like well we love hbos we love the golden retriever boyfriend so why is it that when like a woman is like that we criticize again the Barbie movie like the whole point of Ken is that it sucks that he's a himbo like Barbie hates him for that she

hates that he's like incompetent and that he's like smothering her and at the end she's like maybe it's not so good that you form your whole sense of self around like your gender and around your relationship to me because I hate that like it's not good for any relationship where one person is a HBO or a bimbo or whatever it has no sense of self outside of that relationship we should all like we shouldn't aspire to have no sense of self it's like in the Billy is song and I feel crazy for like having to

use the Barbie movie to describe these things but like it literally is just the Barbie movie Billy iish is like I don't know what I feel I don't know how I feel but I want to try it's the trying I'm not saying that I'm like the most interesting person in the world but I'm just saying that like I am interested in like growing and forming a sense of self that I can present to the world confidently and I can present to the world as something that I wouldn't like to change about myself it's just trying

this is how I interpreted it like the alternative guys who prefer having a kind of artsy but not two artsy girlfriend so that they can be the interesting one in the relationship and they see their girlfriends as a pretty vessel for their performative coolness but the cired back to critique women instead of men for objectifying their girlfriends for some reason whenever something doesn't sit right with me I don't know why like legitimate reasons come up as to why that certain behavior isn't sitting right with me and I am talking about men who have social media

okay remember when I told you in this class about a man having social media or a huge following on social media is a red flag this is why as we establish in that class women are status and women are the prize so when men post women on social media it's giving objectification it's giving PR it's giving curated performative coolness it's giving using the woman for clout obviously this take requires a lot of nuance no Nuance Nelly like I got people in the comments last time about what about this what about that then it's not about

that then okay what about this what about guys who like use it for work I'm like then it's not about that okay like we're going to get into that subtopic in a little bit like I have beef with the what about this type of people back to the topic when something gives you the ick trust your gut okay like every time a man posts you on social media he is deriving clout from your presence with him and this clout increase benefits him socially financially and egotistically like other women looking at his account now find him

even more attractive because wow like if someone like you would give him a chance he must be a catch as per the poaching the pre-selected mate Theory okay like you need to wake up to how much you benefit every single man that comes in contact with you like wake up okay and if you don't believe that you have low self-esteem you need to work on that like you need to watch a lot of the classes in the spoiled girlly support group until you believe that to be true okay with all that being said a bunch

of people also brought up valid points about how if the original video was a critique of men why was she honing in on Emily the candid girlfriend like why does she have to go hard on Emily like that someone said I get this but I still think she was projecting to be honest how does she know that the other girl doesn't have a rich in her life she only knows about her existence from social media and then someone commented on that exactly and she's saying she's dumb isn't pointing out the critique at the man she

is clearly targeting the woman someone else said I don't think anyone is saying it's okay to be boring she's assuming this specific group of women have nothing going on in their brains and that they have no real personality which is misogynistic so these comments really got into the core of the Crux of the matter and we're going to talk about it the point I really wanted to get into today is that Subway girl perceives Emily the candid girlfriend to have nothing going on in her brain like a literal Airhead but she also mentions that Emily

is an artistic baddy girl so which one is it someone said I think the main problem here is that she's describing a woman with actual artistic hobbies and interests potery finding good stuff at flea market's history of the art studies as being boring and empty-headed in contradiction with artistic baddy girls meaning that she believes that an artsy aesthetic means the person is more interesting and worthy of attention all in all contributing to the issue of performa ism which is such a predom struggle for young women one of the phrases that has been living rentree in

my head is to be a woman is to perform and it's so true I mean I'm a woman and I perform every day I'm performing right now so back to this comment this begs the question okay if a woman doesn't perform her inner life and interest and thoughts for others for men for other women does she even have an inner life it's like if no one hears a tree fall in the middle of the forest did it even really fall so Emily the canid girlfriend isn't seen posting her art she is only seen through her

boyfriend's Instagram dumps where she is referred to as this one instead of her name it's giving objectification how others perceive her is exactly how her boyfriend portrays her and maybe how he portrays her is exactly how he wants her to be a blank canvas for his projections The Muse to his performative coolness and so Subway Girl by describing Emily exactly how her boyfriend portrays her even she falls into the Trap of assuming candid girlfriend is the one-dimensional Airhead her boyfriend portrays her to be wants her to be wants the rest of the world to see

her like this is such a multi-layer take like subway girl may have been too smart for Tik Tok not going to lie like I don't know if it's on purpose but she's also showing how us women fall for the boyfriend's performative coolness for his curation of his objectified Airhead girlfriend this one genius honestly maybe Subway girl was too smart for Tik Tok too smart for us now let's get back to this reaction video that we just watched like I get what she's saying and I don't disagree with her but let's add on another layer one

thing about us women is uh we perceive self-actualization and having an inner Life as a singular set of acceptable paths to self-actualization and inner life creation as dictated by our own selves our own immediate Social Circles for a lot of us it's meditating reading the right books engaging in spiritual ISM being enlightened by certain thinkers and thought leaders like that's the vibe and all other women who don't engage in that one set of acceptable framework is less evolved less actualized less woman we are so much smarter than the other women like they're all literal AirHeads

like there's nothing going on in their brains but as I get older I see how myopic that worldview is women can achieve inner lives Enlightenment by engaging in anything that honors their desires to do good for themselves and for others and sometimes by getting closer to God and what do I mean by that some women's Rich inner lives consist of reading their Bible every morning making their family food going to church spending time with their girlfriends gossiping with their girlfriends these tasks also fit into the framework of self-actualization these also point to a rich inner

life whether or not you agree with that framework like I don't do everything in that framework but the women who do love it and they feel so internally Rich living this kind of Lifestyle developing this kind of inner life and this brings me to this point there is no one acceptable version of a rich inner life but it seems like if you don't have that one acceptable framework of a rich inner life it's as good as you not having one like that's not how that works okay long story short having a rich inner life having

a personal ity outside of lacking pomegranates may look one way for you but it may look different for another woman and that's okay so when we ourselves as women adopt the same de intellectualization of other women that men do to us as a class we call other women AirHeads we say that there's nothing going on in their heads their whole personality type is that they love pomegranates when it is us who lack the understanding of other women's rich in our lives it is us who are ignorant she described the shallow male fantasy about a woman

with no needs speaking of male fantasies let's talk about manic pixie dream girl if you're not familiar with Manic pixie dream girl a manic pixie dream girl mpdg is a stock character type in fiction usually depicted as a young woman with eccentric personality quirks who serves as the romantic interest for a male protagonist the term was coined by film critic Nathan Raben after observing Kirsten dun's character in Elizabeth Town Ren criticized the type as one-dimensional EX existing only to provide emotional support to the protagonist or to teach him important life lessons while receiving nothing in

return Ren writes when I coined the term manic pixie dream girl in an essay about the movie Elizabeth Town in 2007 I never could have imagined how that phrase would explode describing the film's adorably Daffy love interest played by Kristen dunce I Define the mpdg as a fantasy figure who exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer directors to teach broodingly Soulful young men to Embrace Life in its infinite Mysteries and Adventures he expands further that the Trope of the manic pixie dream girl is a fundamentally sexist one since it makes women seem less

like autonomous independent entities than appealing props to help mopy sad white men self-actualize and we have seen the manic pixie dream girl Trope play out so much in so many of the movies we watch growing up from girls to teenage Hood to adulthood and it's overall been a harmful Trope for women even Ren wants to cancel the word that he created and the Trope saying so I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to pop culture I'm sorry for creating this Unstoppable Monster 7 years after I typed that phrase I'd like to join Kazan and

green in calling for the death of the patriarchal lie of the manic pixie dream girl Trope I would welcome is eraser from public discourse I'd applaud an end to articles about its countless different permutations let's all try to write better more nuanced and multi-dimensional female characters women with Rich inner lives and complicated emotions and total autonomy who might scrum ukuleles or dance in the rain even when there are no men around to Marvel at their free spiritedness manic pixie dream girl says have you heard this record manic pixie dream girl says let me save you

with this record let me put the headphones on for you and smile while you listen cut to your point of view watch me smile while you listen hear that that's the sound of you becoming a better person I'm going to paint a picture of a bird on your beige wall without your permission and you're going to love it and you thought you hated birds see me encouraging you to take risks manic pixie dream girl wants you to do something you've never done before like go swing dancing or smile you want to know my my name

you never call me by It Anyway someone said everyone progressively getting less and less enthusiastic as they realize the weight of the words being spoken is a lot to take in I noticed this too like when you're younger a teenager moving into young adulthood you probably wouldn't notice this Vibe until much later but you will probably experience the disappointment of realizing that a lot of the men you will date don't really see you as an individual and it's very disorienting when you make that realization and no one prepares you for it so someone said everyone

wants a Mana pixie dream girl until she breaks character like I said to be a woman is to perform and when you no longer perform are you even a woman remember when Subway girl says oh and candid girlfriends get all the hottest men they're taking the hot men whenever women watch these movies with Manic pixie Dream Girls and the cute guy falls for them and they have this Whirlwind romance where the guy is wrapped up in his own internal thoughts and conflict and the manic pixie dream girl is basically being a pck me for him

and in the end he ends up picking her that's Fantasy Women watch these movies and it forms how they see the world like do I have to be bubbly and helpful and persistent and spontaneous and giving up my vacation to Hawaii so I can help some random guy I met on a plane navigate how to cremate his father's remains maybe then I'll finally get picked that's literally the plot of Elizabeth Town by the way like uh no like these are men's fantasies that they're feeding us women like I'm so done with the pck me propaganda

okay like the earlier we Cur the pikm disease the better off we are speaking of pikm propaganda let's talk about anti- pikme propaganda Gone Girl if you're not familiar with the movie Gone Girl is a book turned movie surrounding Amy Dunn being fed up with being the cool girl she finds out that her husband Nick is cheating on her after he moved her from New York to his sleepy Hometown what does she do she decides to come up with an elaborate plan to frame him for her murder and a lot of people were comparing Subway

girl's canid girlfriend monologue to Amy's monologue in the film men always say that as the defining compliment don't they she's a cool girl being the cool girl means I am a hot brilliant funny woman who adores football poker dirty jokes and burping who plays video games drinks cheap beer loves threesoms and anal schmecks and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary while somehow maintaining a size two because cool girls are above all hot hot and understanding cool girls never get angry they only smile in a CH Grant

loving man and let their men do whatever they want go ahead [ __ ] on me I don't mind I'm the cool girl men naturally think this girl exists maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl for a long time cool girl offended me I used to see men friends co-workers strangers giddy over these awful Pretender women and I'd want to sit these men down and calmly say you are not dating a woman you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men

who would like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them they're not even pretending to be the woman they want to be they're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be and honestly we ate this up because it's so true and it takes real life experience of actually dating men to realize this that a lot of men don't see us as people as equal partners and it's terrible since when was this a thing or has it always been like this anyway a lot of women loved Gone Girl the

book and the movie because it's like a release of Rage it's a Revenge fantasy for all the injustices that men exert on women obviously Amy Dunn is no Paragon of morality but at least the film captures the range of women's emotions and motives and capabilities we're no longer the manic pixie Dream Girls serving as accessories for men's character development leading them every step of the way while making them think that it was all their idea it was all their doing and being the thankless background character waiting for the man to pick them before the credits

start rolling no like at least God girl shows that women can break free from these stereotypes that women can and will fight back that scorning a woman has consequences that were not to be pushed around anymore okay we are done upholding an image and a system men actively sabotage like men love being perceived as loving father and husband all while actively cheating on their wives actively breaking up their families actively dropping the ball and raising their children like y'all don't even like the system you want us to to uphold okay like you don't even want

to do it like you don't even like it either okay we're done on a lighter note you're probably thinking wow this whole class is such brain rot core and honestly it is okay we're rotting today and if you don't know what brain rot core is watch this video hi besti are you ready for Bunch oh my God the fittest fitting is totally giving close to grandmother slay I want to be giving him my ROM come coated like givas K and G I said it before but like look at this dress look at this dress girl

I read all the Tik Tok reviews on this restaurant and I lowkey love how mean they are they're like if you don't get this then what are you doing with your life but they did say that the French shows will change the directory of our life so we need to get it even though I want to be snatched with leging legs by summer and have a glow because I want to get back at my situationship who was walking for flag and give me the EG but he goes to me so I need to get some

slay photos on my can7 X post from my stories then he likes it because that is modern day flirting even though like we met on hinge I still do believe that it was red string theory because like what are the odds that we would both be on there at the same time you know what I mean in this day and age what's going on with you your brother proposed oh my gosh let me see the ring that he chose moist night yeah you're right that is tea but like sustainability right have you seen this debate

on Tik Tok where it's like did your mom pick you up in a black SUV or a white SUV yeah so funny what about me bus oh no no no I mean black I didn't like ride the bus or anything anyway what's the song of the moment yeah Sabrina Carpenter I'm working late cuz I'm a singer and honestly what's wrong with that okay obviously some people do take it too far but I love brain rot core I love that us girles are creating our own language that only we understand it's like being part of a

secret group and I always get these comments that spoiled girly is so cringey like hey bestie is so cringey like okay cringe more okay like if you don't get it just say that like you're not a spoiled girly you can't sit with us language is so powerful and having these words that we share with each other use with each other Fosters a sense of community like people who don't want to understand that will never understand and they don't belong here like if you don't want to understand how spoiled girly is a Reclamation of the infantilization

and the demonization of women for being spoiled for wanting softness for being just a girl then you can't be part of the support group I told you we're going to get into my rant because I'm so tired of these self-centered beans soup people I want to talk to you guys about something I've decided to call the what about me effect the what about me effect basically combines individualistic culture with being chronically online and is rampant on Tik Tok and I feel like it's very easy to write it off as like a lack of common sense

or critical thinking but I don't think it's that so before I continue I am going to explain what this actually is what about me effect is when someone sees something that doesn't really pertain to them or they can't fully relate to and they find a way to make it about them or try to seek out certain accommodations for their very nuanced personalized situation instead of recognizing that maybe they are just not the target audience for that thing I will give you an example if anyone has seen the bean soup video where this girl she makes

like a bean soup that's high in iron to help with your period and it has like a gajillion different beans in it and it's called bean soup and she got all of these comments being like well what should I do if I don't like beans well how do I make this without the beans can you substitute the beans instead of just saying hey if I don't like beans maybe I shouldn't watch this bean soup video like I said very easy to write that off as a lack of common sense but I don't think it's a

lack of common sense I think it's this individualistic culture that we have created in the United States and maybe elsewhere I don't know I don't live elsewhere I live in the US and I see it running rampant here where we make everything about ourselves and seek out accommodations and validation for everything and before someone makes this about something it's not I'm coming to you as a leftist who cares a lot about equity and inclusion so those are not the things I'm talking about I'm talking about when I sit down after a long day and I

come on to God's internet and I see videos that are like here's how to put your hair up into a really cute hairstyle and someone comments and it's like what if I'm bald imagine imagine I have a gluten intolerance if I went on every single video of someone baking bread I'm on Cottage core Tik Tok okay it's everywhere and I was like well I can't have gluten that would be ridiculous I can just go watch videos of people making gluten-free bread so when you come on to this app and you see a video and you

have the urge to comment something like well what about my very specific scenario or well not everyone can I'm going to encourage you to stop use your nogin and remember that things are nuanced not everything can apply to every single person and there doesn't always need to be a specific accommodation for you love you bye like I swear these people are the ban of my existence anyway we've gone on long enough that's all I have for you today I just wanted to let you know that you have so much inherent worth and value in a

world that is held bent on devaluing you now get that bag bestie [Music]