The People-Pleaser in You Was Born from Rejection. Now Kill It.

Let's talk about something that has shaped more of your life than you probably realize. Your need to be liked. Your need to be chosen.

Your need to be easy, agreeable, accommodating, and pleasant. It didn't come out of nowhere. It was tort.

It was survival. Because before you ever became the person who says yes when they want to say no. Before you ever became the person who holds your tongue to keep the peace.

Before you ever learned to prioritize other people's comfort over your own, there was a moment. A moment where you learned that being yourself was not safe. A moment where you realized that speaking up got you punished.

That having needs got you ignored. That showing up as your full authentic self got you rejected. So you adjusted.

You learned to read the room before you even stepped into it. You learned to shapeshift, to anticipate, to morph yourself into whatever version of you was most acceptable to the people around you. You didn't even notice you were doing it.

Because when rejection wounds you deeply enough, you don't just experience it. You build your entire identity around avoiding it. That's how people pleasing is born.

And that's why it's so darn hard to unlearn. Let's be clear about something. People pleasing is not about kindness.

Please, it's not about being generous or caring or empathetic. Those are beautiful attributes to have. People pleasing is self-abandonment.

Yes, it's self- betrayal disguised as politeness. Saying yes when you mean no is not kindness, it's fear. Shrinking yourself so you don't make waves is not politeness, it's erasia.

Being the strong one who never has needs, who never asks for more, who never expresses when they are hurt. That's not selflessness. That is learned invisibility.

You think you're being considerate. You think you're being good. You think you're being easy to love.

But let's be honest, it's not about love. It's about control. It's about controlling how people see you.

controlling how much you let them in. Controlling how much of yourself you reveal so you don't give them the chance to reject you first. People pleasing is just rejection avoidance in disguise.

And you're exhausted because of it. At some point, someone made you feel like your needs were too much. Maybe not directly, maybe not even intentionally.

But the message was clear. Everything was conditional. You had to earn their care.

Approval was not guaranteed. You had to work for it. Being yourself was risky.

It was safer to be whatever version of you people preferred. So you adapted. You became the caretaker, the fixer, the one who says it's fine when it's not.

The one who never asks for too much. Who smooths over every conflict. Who bites their tongue even when it's bleeding.

How do I know? I've been there. Someone taught you that if you don't make yourself easy to love, you won't be loved at all.

And that's a fat lie. And if you never unlearn it, you'll spend your entire life auditioning for love and acceptance. Listen, you don't get to be everything for everyone without being nothing to yourself.

You don't get to pour endlessly without running dry. You don't get to be the one who's always available, always accommodating, always adjusting yourself without losing yourself in the process. Because here's the truth.

The more you try to be easy to love, the less of you there is to actually love. You become a diluted version of yourself, a manageable version, a palatable version. And you know what's worse?

People will start to love you for it. They love you for being lowmaintenance. They love you for never complaining.

They love you for being mature. They love you for always putting them first, for never asking for too much, for never needing more than they're willing to give. And it feels like love, but it's not.

It's convenience. And if you have spent your life being easy to love, I need you to ask yourself, do they love you or do they love the version of you that asks for nothing? And here's the part that is going to hurt.

No matter how much you shrink, no matter how much you give, no matter how much you try to be enough, you will never be enough for the wrong people. You will never be enough for people who only love you when you're easy. You will never be enough for people who require your silence to be comfortable.

You will never be enough for people who want you when you're convenient, predictable, accommodating. So you see my darling, it's a losing game because the people who only love you when you're small will resent you the second you become full. And that is why you have to kill, decimate, burn the people pleaser in you.

Not because you don't care about people, not because you don't want to be good to people, but because the cost of keeping them comfortable is costing you yourself. And you cannot afford to keep losing yourself just to be liked. I need you to hear this.

The people who are meant for you. They will not require your smallness. The people who love you fully will love you freely.

They will not love you only when you're easy. They will not ask you to break yourself down into bite-sized pieces. They will not punish you for taking up space.

Because real love, real belonging and connection, it does not require performance. And the second you start showing up fully, the second you stop softening your edges to be more digestible. The second you stop being afraid of being too much, you will lose people.

And I need you to let them go, babe. Let them go. Because the ones who leave, the ones who guilt you, shame you, distance themselves when you start standing taller, they were only there for the version of you that was killing you.

And when you realize that, when you finally see it clearly, you will understand something life-changing. Losing them is not the loss you thought it was. M losing yourself to keep them, that would have been the real tragedy.

So, here's my question for you. What would your life look like if you finally stopped managing yourself? If you finally stopped apologizing for your needs.

If you finally stopped proving your worth and just decided that you were worthy now, not tomorrow. You're not here to be chosen. You were never meant to be easy, completely agreeable.

You were meant to be real, human, full, flawed, imperfect, trying. And the second you accept that, the second you stop waiting for permission to exist fully, you will realize that real love, belonging, acceptance, freedom, they don't come from being easy. They come from being whole.

So, are you ready to set yourself free? Are you finally ready to stop managing yourself like a brand and start being yourself like a human? To stop living a mute?

to stop auditioning for roles you were never meant to play. Because here's what I need you to understand. You're not difficult to love.

You're not asking for too much. You're not too intense, too complicated, too much of anything. But you always feel that way around people who do not have the capacity to hold you.

And also the people who are ready to love you, to see you, to accept you. How would they find you if you keep hiding? And the people who accept themselves are seldom drawn to people who don't.

As you know, I can only speak for myself, but I refuse to spend my life auditioning for a role that is not paying me. I refuse to beg for love when I was born deserving of it. You get me?

Mhm. As always, it's been an absolute pleasure. My name is Pearl and I'll see you in the next video.