How to Talk to Strangers - The Ping Pong Method

getting someone to open up can be a rewarding experience especially if that person is particularly shy one of my favorite techniques to teach is something i call the ping pong method i'm not actually talking about actually playing ping pong with a person the ping pong method is a way to frame a conversation so that both parties feel comfortable and the discussion keeps flowing naturally so what is the ping pong method the ping pong method requires two people you are on one side and the person you want to get to know is on the other the

conversation is ping-ponged back and forth like the game of ping-pong here's how it works you ask a question and the other person answers after they answer it is now your turn now rather than dive into another question you talk a little bit more about their answer and then ask another related question the ping pong ball continues to go back and forth with each person contributing to the conversation now the idea is quite simple but mindfully using it allows you to keep a conversation going the important thing to remember when using the ping pong method is

that while you are asking questions you're not conducting an interview a rehearsed list of questions without any commentary or contribution to the discussion will feel unnatural the other person will feel pretty weird too remember they want to get to know you as well they also want to have a productive and enjoyable conversation too even if it doesn't seem like it at first so here's an example of what to do and what not to do when using the ping pong method i'll start with what not to do let's say you say what do you do for

work and then the other person replies i work as a bartender at highland what about you this would be something not to say i'm a barista do you have any pets there's so much more that you can say about bartenders and baristas there's no need to waste a good question just to move on to the next subject instead use the ping pong method a better reply would be i'm a barista i love highland and you guys make the best cocktails what's your favorite drink on the menu this stays on the subject and shows the other

person that you listen to what they said by adding your own contribution you also show the other person how you connect to them or what they have in common if you ask the right questions and show your interest you could stay on one topic like your job or your pets or your favorite books for hours the ping pong method is a simple technique to add into any conversation so don't forget other tips and tricks that can help you out you need to use humor you need to make natural but not forced eye contact you can

use the other person's name and display a body language that says you're confident and listening so now that you know what it is i want to share with you my experience with the ping pong method this method can really help other people open up even shy people have a subject that they can discuss for hours on end the great thing about the ping pong method is that it gives you a better chance at finding that subject i personally use it myself and with great success so here's a little example i went to a family event

and ran into a guy that everyone called uncle john i had seen uncle john a few times before but he was always quiet i couldn't tell you one thing about him other than that he looked like he owned a motorcycle and worked at a manufacturing facility for big trucks now he usually didn't say much so i wanted to test out this ping pong method and i decided to talk to him he was polite he was a really nice guy but he didn't offer much more than a sufficient answer until i asked about one of his

cats i learned that him and his wife have a few strays that they've adopted and then i learned a lot more about his cats now i could have changed the conversation or the subject after a question or two about his cats but i played into the ping pong method a bit more i kept asking questions adding in my thoughts and asking more questions where did you get the cats do you have to take them to the vet to get their shots or do they have to get fixed how old are your cats how many do

you have he answered every question elaborating further and further as i continued to show interest in his cats at one point i kid you not he even put his hands up and pretended they were like pause to show me how cute one of his cats was it blew me away if i had judged a book by its cover i would have never thought that this biker guy would be gushing about stray cats he hadn't talked to anyone at the family party for over an hour but once i started using the ping pong method he started

talking more than anyone around now it took around 15 minutes for me to get uncle john to open up but that's the power of asking questions and getting people to talk about what they enjoy i'm so glad that i was able to use this method to get to know uncle john better i kind of saw it as an experiment and i hope one day i can meet his cats now uncle john and i would have never had this exciting conversation or made such a great connection if i hadn't had the courage to use the ping

pong method and ask him some questions about his life and interests and where he works and what he does until i stumbled upon his cats i completely misread him when i first saw him but that is the beauty of a good conversation you can learn more about anyone or anything just by taking the first step and using this technique enjoy your next game of ping pong and your next great chat ending this video if you want to learn more about some of the exciting social skills tricks tools and stories that i have to share i

recently set up something called a four day brain boot camp where i send you four videos on four important topics the second one is social skills but it goes into a little bit of dating tips as well if you want to learn what the other three topics are and everything i have to share about social skills you can enroll in my bootcamp absolutely free and get the four videos by signing up below thank you so much for watching and i hope you learned something from this and can employ the ping pong method in your own

life i'll see you in the next video