Why successful men are jerks: no one wants to do the laundry

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is why successful men are jerks I would have said but episodes with profanity in their titles are penalized in any case that's the sentiment here from a woman's perspective it can seem like the more attractive a guy is the more High status better looking higher earning Etc the more difficult he is to deal with the less he's seems to care the more of an he seems to become and today I'm going to explain to women why this

might be the case first of all ladies you have to understand that men use different strategies with women as a function of their circumstances most successful men haven't always been successful in fact the vast majority of successful men used to be unsuccessful men why does this matter well when you're unsuccessful you generally have time but not money and when you're successful you generally have money but not time however men in both groups will attempt to utilize the resource they have in Greater abundance to improve their success in the sexual Marketplace this is why I made

the argument in a previous episode that romance is for men that is it's a sexual strategy utilized by unsuccessful men the idea here is that these men may not yet have a lot of what women might be looking for with respect to a long-term relationship he may not yet have stability or lifestyle or status or career or wealth so how can such a man possibly compete with the men who do he can use romance he can stimulate the woman's emotions why because he has the time but he doesn't have the money now romance doesn't require

money it doesn't but it absolutely does require time and effort and thoughtfulness it's about going that extra mile to show that you listen that you care that you cherish and unless our guy is extremely attractive this might be the unsuccessful man's best shot at competing with the men who can offer more tangible benefits like if you can't put a woman in a house or fly her to Fiji or pay her bills you better be able to light some candles or leave a handwritten note you know what I mean and if you're not willing to do

that and you're not very attractive then best of luck to you now women what you have to understand is that men don't actually want to do these things most men don't like buying flowers and candles and sending good morning texts and calling to check in about nothing and all that but they do it because a they think you like those things and B they don't yet have the things that you really really like like it's true that women like flowers but they really like not paying rent and who can blame them I'd rather get a

check than a handful of dying buttercups this is why women might like the sweet romantic guys but they date and the men who are successful and established and while these women might complain that these men never buy them flowers They're not leaving them for the men who do are now at a certain point guys figure this out and they typically figure this out as they start to become successful nothing much has changed from their perspective they haven't become more physically attractive or masculine or charming but suddenly women seem to be looking at them in a

different way as men become successful they learn the things that women actually respond to which are very different from the things that women and Society have told him women respond to and this is actually a relief to most men why because most men don't really want to do all that like I would argue very few men organically have the desire to buy a woman roses in the vast majority of cases this was an idea that was put into his head by his culture it didn't come out of him spontaneously when he does so he's not

enacting an authentic emotional impulse and most men on some level know this maybe you see where this is going as men become successful they begin to experience firsthand what women really respond to which empowers them to increasingly dispense with the behaviors they never really wanted to do and which don't really seem to have a significant impact on outcomes anyway these men have learned that even though you might not love the fact that they don't buy you flowers or light candles you will still them and they learn this by observing your behavior ladies so you are

at the very least somewhat complicit in creating the conditions you lament if you appreciate the insights on this channel I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book the value of others over the course of 432 pages I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual Marketplace once you read the value of others

you'll never look at relationships the same way again now available in ebook Audi book and paperback formats the links are in the description here's another way to look at this money money is many things to many people and one of those things that money is is Liberation from drudgery like when I was broke I had to put my clothes in a hamper and walk three blocks down to the laundromat and feed quarters into the janky machines and sit there for hours like a sucker because I didn't have my own washer or dryer but when I

got a little money guess what I just Dro those clothes off at the dry cleaners downstairs because suddenly my two hours was worth more than the 30 bucks I had to pay one of the best uses of money is that it can liberate you from the drudgery that you'd rather not do and that's exactly what's Happening Here ladies men don't actually want to buy you flowers and send good morning texts that is laundry to men whether they're right or not these men believe that having money and providing all these other benefits like lifestyle and status

and comfort allows them to escape the drudgery of Romance of jumping through all the Hoops that they didn't really want to jump through in the first place but might have felt that they had to if they were to have a chance with you when they were less successful like me and my laundry these successful guys believe that they have finally finally arrived at a place where they can dispense with all that like no one is more satisfied with a washer dryer than someone who had to go to the laundromat for 10 years you hear what

I'm saying they're never ever gonna feed quarters into a machine again now whether or not you agree with this ladies I would argue that for your own Effectiveness it's important that you at least try to appreciate the perspective complaining that successful men are dispensing with romance is not in your best interests despising the 99% of what you're getting in favor of the 1% of what you're not will only make men resent you like I've been on dates I you not where I've taken care of everything kicked the woman up took her out to eat at

a nice restaurant planned a fun activity for afterwards put a lot of effort into the experience covered all the expenses and at the end of the night she said no flowers it's like are you serious how infuriating and invalidating as I've stated previously never punish people for doing what you want all that does is demotivate further effort that certainly was the case in my experience I remember responding I would hope that the fact that I'm here with you and literally not anybody else would have been special enough however if you really want flowers I'm sure

you can pick some up for yourself on your way home she did not get another date in any case that's why so many successful men are for better or worse they believe that they finally arrived at a point where they don't have to do the anymore and they believe that by observing how you responded them differentially over the process of becoming successful uccessful what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to anyone you think might benefit from its message as its

Word of Mouth referrals like this that really helped to make the channel grow and anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my website the links to any everything are in the description below as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening