CIA Spy: Signs He’s A Con Man, A Narcissist, Psychopath Or Manipulator! (Don’t Fall For His Trap!)

what signs would you even warn women let's say if you see this run 333 million Americans approximately 300 million of which are adults psychopathy which isn't a clinical term anymore the clinical term for both Psychopaths and sociopaths is antisocial personality disorder but when those were more acceptable terms it was estimated that 1% of the American population fall under psychopathy 3% of the American population fall under sociopathy or sociopathy right so right there's 4% of the American public that's a laot add into that narcissistic personality disorder that's 6% of the American public that means 10% of

the American adult population empirically are either Psychopaths sociopaths or narcissists and just to quickly do the math that's say it is it 30 million 30 million 30 million I was like in my head I paused cuz I was like I can't be doing the math right you're doing the math right that is that is the reaction that anybody should be having right now 30 million people fall into one of those three categories so when you meet somebody who acts like that yes they are an extreme but you shouldn't be surprised because one out of every

10 is going to be one of those people you're going to meet 10 people today there are more than 10 people in your office right empirically one out of every 10 people is one of those three categories all right how do I test this come to every single person in my company now and ask them questions I'm sure your hiring standard filtered all that out hope but yes so it's an extreme but it's out there so because it's so prevalent it makes your first question so much more viable how do you know when you're coming

across a person like that so the first big thing to understand is the The Telltale sign for somebody who is antisocial personality disorder your Psychopaths and your sociopaths the biggest thing is that they lack empathy empathy is the is the thing that makes us so that we can relate to somebody else's feelings different than sympathy sympathy means that you hurt and and I'm sorry that you hurt and I'm here to give you my sympathy but I don't feel your pain right empathy means you're hurt and I can put myself in your shoes and I can

feel some of your pain right when you are with a partner or when you have a a love interest or you're dating somebody or it's your child or it's your it's your parents when they don't feel empathy they can't relate to your feelings that is a big Telltale sign that you might be dealing somebody who's on the spectrum of antisocial personality disorder another major indicator is that they don't believe in the rules of conduct or the rights of others they don't believe that people are equal right so they have certain rights and you have lesser

rights so they have a right to privacy but you don't they have a right to knowing how much Mone is in the bank account but you don't right so they have this this discrepancy in how they believe what they're entitled to versus what you're entitled to how would you test somebody subtly to see if they're like that or not I like the way you're thinking because that's exactly how you find out whether or not the person you're suspicious of deserves that suspicion or whether you're just being paranoid you have to test them so one of

the best ways to test somebody for empathy is to make an unpredictable or unpredicted change just change something right if if you all agreed that you're going to go to dinner on Tuesday night cancel dinner on Tuesday night and recommend let's go Wednesday instead if they roll with that change easily and if you test them more than one time because a test one test by itself isn't really a test right it's a test over days weeks months if you can make changes and they can accept those changes gracefully then there's a very good chance that

you're dealing with a normal rational human being if you start making changes and then they start guilting you or accusing you or if they start getting angry if they have volatile emotions that are in line with the changes that you're proposing it shows that they already think that their time is more valuable than your time which now as an indicator that you're either dealing with somebody who is immature or you're dealing with somebody who is on that spectrum of Personality Disorder whether it's narcissism or whether it's antisocial Behavior but if they can't handle change it's

a good it's a good sign that that you're not dealing with somebody who sees you as an equal so with dirty John we would have seen if they had asked him certain questions they would have seen him potentially getting angry or having an emot a visceral emotional response to something that is maybe not as extreme correct because I mean change happens all the time right and in in a situation where people are equal like a healthy relationship this is something that that people don't often realize a healthy relationship is transactional I have something that benefits

you you have something that benefits me so we share our benefits together and in a in an ideal relationship us sharing our benefits results in a net win for both of us so it's the the sum is greater than the total of the two parts right right so a healthy relationship should be transactional give and take sometimes I need your help sometimes you need my help in an unhealthy relationship it's very one way it's a zero sum game one person wins one person loses so you have to test whether your partners willing to give and

take or whether they're just there to take going again back to the empirical evidence of the predominance of isfj women and I know that there's lots of different types of codes and there are women of all types of Myers brig's personality types but the empirical evidence is one in five women is isfj that isfj she feels like she should trust this person even though what she's seeing and what she's hearing tells her she shouldn't trust that person she feels like she should she sees that she shouldn't but then she falls on her J which tells

her that as a woman in Western Society it's the right thing to do to give the benefit of the doubt it's the right thing to do to give somebody a second chance it's the right thing to do to let them prove themselves and it's it's a it's a tricky and difficult place to be the more you test the more you learn the more you learn the more information you have to challenge your instincts which make you feel like you have to trust somebody that you shouldn't trust and is there sometimes like a piece of information

that we hold on to as quote unquote evidence that we keep going back to but maybe that's um falce evidence as well and the reason why I asked you is dirty John apparently um everyone said oh he was always saying like what a great father he was and like you know he was so loving to these two to his two daughters and so let's say you're meeting him for the first time you hear about oh my God he's this great father maybe you meet the daughters you think oh my God they've got a great relationship

then you see signs on the contrary but you keep going back to maybe false evidence that no but I must be imagining it because he's clearly an amazing father so what you're talking about now is something we call the relevancy principle the relevancy principle dictates that whatever is the most relevant should carry the most empirical weight so if you made a delicious steak two years ago but every steak that you've made since then has just not been right I shouldn't keep asking you to make stake because over time what you're showing is that you have

lost relevancy in the art of making a good stake it's the same thing with dirty John could he have been a good father sure could he have been a good father four days ago sure but what is he today and what is he most often what is the most relevant piece of information that you're getting it's not necessarily that the evidence was false he really did do nice things at some point but he's also very realistically Done Dirty suspicious uh dishonest things since then so you've got to fall back on the relevancy principle this is

another trap that women will fall into more often than men because of the whole the societal pressure to give people the benefit of the doubt the person he just he just slapped you he just called you stupid he just whatever he just spent money on the credit card and lied about it whatever he just did he just did it according to the relevancy principle that has to carry more weight than what he did six months ago or two weeks ago or even yester so if yesterday he said I'm sorry babe I'm going to do better

and today he didn't do better you have to put more weight in the action that he took today than the promise he made yesterday how do you reinforce that then because I love it I think it's so strong but you do end up in that moment if you're not used to it or practice just reverting back to the means right and and you you nailed it on the head right there you have to practice so there are certain tools that that are very basic tools that we use in the field all the time to keep

us away from the the process of questioning and and reverting right a journal is a fantastic tool very simple tool to use you keep a daily log or a morning log and an evening log you keep some kind of journal to remind yourself of what is relevant in that moment so then when you when something happens on a Tuesday you can open your journal and go back to last Tuesday and see the journal entries and start to see what is the predominance of information without the journal we forget yet our short-term memory only lasts for

between 7 and 14 seconds wa it's super shortterm and in that short-term 7 to 14 seconds our brain is deciding whether or not to move something from short-term memory into long-term memory but long-term memory still only lasts about 72 hours it has then there's different categories different types of long-term memory that the that your long-term memory will shift into to make permanent memories or make academic memories or make skilled Behavior memories right so when it comes to behaviors of people if we don't value it in the first 7 to 14 seconds we won't even remember

it if we do value it because we we think it's suspicious or we think it's dishonest we'll hold on to it for maybe the next 48 hours but after 48 hours we let it go if we don't do something else to make it permanent so if you want to look back over the last seven days of your relationship a journal is a fantastic tool a voice memo a diary these are all simple tools that we can use right I've I've even met uh field officers who just kept a jar so two jars and Marbles and

all they would do is they would put a marble into the good jar when they saw a good behavior and a marble into the bad jar when they saw a bad behavior and over time you just see like oh there's a predominance of bad behavior and even though you don't know the specific examples you get the gut feeling that you need to make the decision that you know is in your best interest and that visual you just can't ignore it you can't ignore it you can't you can't rationalize your way out of that but when

you're sitting across from somebody who's a common abuser or someone who actually is a narcissist or antisocial personality disorder when you're sitting across from them because they lack empathy they know exactly how to make you feel good because making you feel good is just a matter of giving you what you want so they say the things you like they act the way you want them to act because they logically rationally they understand what you cognitively trying to achieve they don't feel it but they can see it like academically there's a the word that is most

often used to describe a psychopath is someone who is cold blooded cold blooded is something that we often think of means like they'll murder You In Cold Blood yeah what cold blooded really means is that they don't get heated they don't get passionate they don't get excited they don't get angry they don't have that hot blood that makes you have a temper instead they're always very attached that's what cold blooded means from that cold blooded position they can literally read your patterns of behavior because they don't get distracted by all the emotions that you and

I get distracted by that keep us from seeing a pattern wow and would they would it be harder to interrogate someone like that because they're not showing um emotions and Es and flows it's harder to interrogate them on an emotional basis yes because they're very stable in their emotions compared to a sociopath right psychopath and sociopath both antisocial personality disorder sociopaths have very Dynamic ranges of emotions narcissists have very Dynamic ranges of emotions so the good news for women is if you're dealing with a partner who can flip a switch on their emotions you're not

dealing with a psychopath even though a lot of times like I know for men when men see women go from extremely happy to extremely angry we're like oh my God you're a psycho it's actually exactly the opposite the psycho is the person who never goes through those extremes somebody who goes through those extremes is the definition of the opposite of a psychopath so when you're interrogating or when you're questioning somebody and you see that very stable detached emotional Foundation you know that you're dealing with somebody who's on that spectrum of antisocial personality disorder remember 10%

of the American population falls under uh psychopath sociopath or narcissist that 10% of people the formula that makes them who they are is part genetic and part environmental what kind of childhood do you have what kind of parents do you have what foundational emotions what foundational survival instincts do your parents ingrain in you in this case the Tinder swindler was programmed with the sense of self-reliance that you had to be nefarious you had to be sneaky you had to be a trickster you had to to lie so his ethical Compass was programmed completely different than

the average person now lying was needed to survive right and survival was and success was defined by how effectively you lied and how much you stole the average workingclass American family who's taught to believe in hard work and honesty and the pursuit of happiness that is the the total antithesis for them which is why my mind doesn't go there when I meet people the last thing I'm thinking of it's oh they're a complete Quirk and they've got criminal record and they've done all this dodgy stuff um so how do you then start to know in

those situation cuz he's sending them photos right of like oh and he's like his face and like the bodyguards like bleeding and so you would think that that would be evidence how do you start to identify when someone's actually withholding so many secet because the fact that he was able to do all of that and have such a background that he never got found out is crazy to me and if 10% really are all those things how do you start to know if they're lying or not and then pull out any secrets that maybe they're

trying to keep from you I would actually flip that on the I would flip that on its access okay it's not your job to worry about other people that's that's the F in the isfj you feel like and Society has put a rubric on you where you feel like you are responsible for worrying about other people that's why that's why women end up often times feeling like they have to please others it's their responsibility to make others feel good what I would recommend is that we completely change that mindset right the first thing that EV

every human being and especially for this for this conversation we're having it would mean the world to me if every woman who hears this conversation the first thing that she asks herself the first statement that goes through her head every time she meets a new male is one in 10 one in 10 is this person in front of me one out of the one out of the 10 that is going to be on this spectrum first question is this person one of the 10 that doesn't mean don't talk to anybody that doesn't mean you question

them doesn't mean you assume they are but you ask yourself the question right now you're not asking yourself that question everybody comes with a blank slate everybody comes with an opportunity benefit of the doubt we should change that rubric this is not a benefit of the doubt type of world that we live in we now live in a world where we should say are you one of the 10 the second thing that we should that women should pay attention to how quickly do you like somebody because the faster you like them really quickly Andre you

need to slow yourself down because you already know what's going to happen if you like them too fast they're going to get your trust and they don't deserve your trust yet people who are not nefarious are often times the hardest people to like they're socially awkward they're a little bit rude they're kind of rough around the edges so it's you don't you don't fall in love with them very quickly but they're probably very honest people they're honest which is exactly why they don't know how to manipulate the environment manipulate your experience to make you like

them and trust them so quickly so when you're dealing with somebody that's a little bit like aggravating or irritating chances are they're not trying to manipulate you but if you're dealing with somebody who like I really like that person they always know what to say they totally get me hold on time out no like trust am I liking them too fast have I already started trusting them and are they one are they the one in 10 if you just ask yourself the two questions and you're constantly reminding yourself that those two things exist you're going

to slow the process down we have a concept in Espionage called time distance and change in Direction and that concept basically means that you need to create time space so that because time will tell you if something is real or not you need to create distance when you're always together then it's uh the pattern is set and it's harder to see changes and deviations from the pattern then when you're physically apart right so it's like the reason we don't move in too fast with a boyfriend or move in too fast uh with a girlfriend is

because once you're living on top of each other it's very hard to see how the other person responds to the distance element instead of dating every day we date every three or five or 12 days right like give yourself distance and give yourself time to find the interruptions in the pattern give that manipulator space and time to screw up because someone who's genuine is going to be very consistent because they are genuinely demonstrating who they are and then change in Direction like I was telling you about testing earlier you want to make changes changes in

direction will tell you a lot about how a person reacts to change and if you're the one dictating the change it tells them a lot it tells you a lot about how they react to you being in control a fair and Equitable partner understands sometimes you're in control sometimes I'm in control because it's a transactional relationship a nefarious or malicious partner will never accept that you're the one making a change they will always get upset about it and they will turn that against you so what about those scenarios and because I love that that breakdown

but the space thing almost for me I get why you're saying it but there is something to comp someone who's trying to manipulate or lie or deceive you use that space as a way to not have to keep interacting with you giving you information that maybe then later they forget right because you know Liars you almost have to keep track of what they say to then say let's say six months down the line hang on a minute that didn't jve with something else they said down here so when you're talking about someone with malicious intent

it's actually the other way around people with malicious intent want to reduce that space what the reason they have space in the beginning um so think about dirty John again dirty John was on a dating app so he was cultivating multiple cons at one time well the only way he can he can cultivate that many cons is by being distant from all of them right but as he started to hone in on which ones were the most susceptible his job was to close distance as quickly as possible think of it like a like a lion

hunting a gazelle a lion is going to sit and watch the herd and find the sick and the elderly of the herd and then when the herd starts to run he will that lion or lioness will pick the slowest one to attack and then dedicate all of their resources into closing the distance and attacking that one prey that is most susceptible to them that's exactly what dirty John was doing that is what the Tinder the Tinder swindler was known to do as well was to cultivate multiple cons until the one showed itself as most susceptible

and then very quickly close distance and introduce that manipulative behavior and there is a process to manipulation that's important to understand and I'm sure we'll get to it but when you start to see that manipulative Behavior take hold if you've done a good job of is this person one of the 10 am I liking them too fast have I used time distance and changeing Direction and now if you've done all of those things and you're like the uh the Ted Bundy woman who was like where's the where the door handles why is he a police

officer in a Volkswagen you've started collecting this these data points of evidence that you should not trust the person and that's that's the moment where she jumped out of a moving car we all have to accept that sometimes to keep ourselves that is what we must do we must be willing to jump out of a rolling car no matter what Society thinks of us our safety is our responsibility not the police not Mom and Dad not our husband not our spouse our our safety is our responsibility and if that means that your parents are going

to yell at you because you come back with torn jeans and a scuffed elbow and they never believe that you saved your own life to hell with them you know you just saved your own life who cares what Society thinks there has to be a time when we're willing to challenge the societal norm and understand that the societal Norm is not there for our best interests it's there for the best interests of societal order it's there for 90% of circumstances it's not there for the 10% of bad guys who are out there looking for us

when I think about dirty John's uh the daughter who ended up you know stabbing him to think through what you know that that my life is at stake at this point so I will kill back right it had to take that for her to then make sure that he never does that again obviously I'm not suggesting people just got and kill people but the fact that it was like her life or his she ended up having to take his but I think of how many of us don't feel the threat in that way right where

it's your life or death but a lot of time it is from like a emotional standpoint like it's the death of your emotions the death of your soul when someone can do something like that so extreme you know and I think a big thing is you end up not only not trusting other people you end up not trusting yourself right and that distrust of yourself is one of the key things that a manipulator is looking for because if you already don't trust yourself what that means is you put your trust somewhere else because we all

have to trust we all need a North star we all need a Guiding Light a compass so when a manipulator sees someone who does trust themselves it's the perfect opportunity to step in and be the thing that they trust again I was I was mentioning how how I know that I'm I'm privileged to be sitting on this show with you as a as a male on the show and I'm I know it's not just because you like my hair or you think I'm friendly hair is dope though and you are very friendly it's because CIA

has a process yes for manipulating people it's what CIA does it's how it keeps America safe cia's job is to manipulate foreign targets into providing secrets to the United States that give the United States an unfair advantage in military uh economics and and political power our job is to follow a very uh systematic manipulation process and identify the people who are susceptible to that specific manipulation process it's what we're designed to do and one of the Prime things that we look for when we're cultivating a Target just like dirty John just like the Tinder swindler

when we're when we're cultivating one out of many many targets what we're looking for is who is the person that demonstrates an inherent distrust for themselves and then as we get to know and find those people we then start to look for what the source is of their distrust of themselves and when we find that the source of their distrust stems back to their childhood is that typically where it comes from it comes from different places so there are some people who trust themselves because they made poor decisions in college or they made bad decisions

with money when they were you know in their 20s or 30s so there's all sorts of different places where people start to doubt themselves but when you find someone whose self-doubt stems back to their childhood now what you know is you have somebody who is deeply conditioned to be dependent on someone else so uh uh George Santos was a politician a corrupt politician who lied about uh his Li about everything and still made it to Congress crazy when you look at his background he came from a very poor Brazilian family where he was one of

several children uh where Mom and Dad were highly successful and the children were kind of left to to fend for themselves with a rotating door of nannies and whatever else right so in this in this Brazilian corrupt family this is where he kind of built his foundation this is where his wiring was made so is anybody surprised that as he became a 40-year old male in the United States in a predominantly paternal society that he felt absolute uh Comfort lying about his educational background about his work history about everything else to win a vote and

then is it not the ultimate con to basically con a constituency into voting for you I mean that is exactly how manipulation works you manipulate the emotions of people who are susceptible to that manipulation so he knew what the right message was with the right Cong congressional district to get voted by saying the right things just like spies collect assets by knowing what to say and how to change the vein of trust so that the target trusts the Spy or trusts the con man or a constituency trusts their congressional representative or somebody trusts their doctor

or somebody trusts the CEO of a company if you want to learn how to spot a manipulator a con man or a psychopath then click here right now when you put the four of those things together you kind of create the perfect concoction for a con man to step in and they leave you high and dry broke alone and dejected