How to LOVE WITHOUT emotional ATTACHMENT: allow people to choose you

i'm dr orion taraban and this is psych hacks better living through psychology and the topic today's short talk is how to love without emotional attachment now this is a topic that has been requested many many times by my viewers so i decided to do an episode about it it's difficult to love without attachment but it's extremely important to learn to do so this is because if you can't quite bring yourself to love without attachment then you will either resort to games of control or resign yourself to the emotional rollercoaster by loving without attachment you can

maintain your peace and serenity and enjoy relationships with those who freely choose you in return sounds good right so how do you do that the way to love without attachment is to treat people like cats cats come when they please not when you call them and they leave when they want if you try to pick up a cat that doesn't want to get picked up you're going to get the claws and if you don't give attention to a cat that wants it it's going to harass you until you do i like cats because i understand

them now where i live in my neighborhood there is a neighborhood cat a siamese and the two of us enjoy each other's company probably at least in part because i like to put milk out for it i'm never really sure when i'll see it again but if i put out good milk the cat will come back cats don't pass up good milk it's in their nature so if i put out good milk consistently the cat will come back and will enjoy each other's company again it's kind of sweet now now i have no idea what

that cat gets up to when it's not around but when the cat is not there i'm not thinking about it i'm not worried about it i'm not wondering if it misses me i'm not suspicious that it's at somebody else's house and that's because i have other things to do with my life i'm working on my businesses i'm going to the gym i'm spending time with my friends i'm living my life the cat is a fun benefit when it's there i'm with it completely for a pleasant moment and when it's gone it disappears entirely from my

consciousness i'm not waiting for the cat to come back but if i put out good milk it probably will now by now some people are probably thinking okay orion but people aren't cats you know people have responsibilities and duties and obligations and i mean what if that cat is out there drinking someone else's milk well here's something to consider if that cat is drinking someone else's milk that's not your cat that cat does not belong to you that cat belongs to the neighborhood do you see you have to be very very careful with thoughts related

to ownership in relationship as this enters into the conceptual territory of slavery i don't believe in slavery i don't think it's right or just but you end up with emotional bondage bondage is a synonym for slavery when you cannot or will not love without attachment think about that it's a sad truth that many people give more love and freedom to their pets than to their partners and humans need significantly more love and freedom than animals do it's just harder to give it to them at the end of the day even a marriage license doesn't entitle

you to ownership of the other person and trust me a marriage license isn't nearly as useful at securing a good relationship as is consistently putting out good milk back to the metaphor cats like milk if you keep putting out good milk the cat will keep coming back and if you put out the best milk in the neighborhood it will come to your house first now you can't really control if it goes to someone else's house but it will be less likely to do so if either it it's not still hungry when it leaves and or

your milk is so much better than any other milk it could get in the neighborhood that it kind of puts its nose up in the air and passes it by and just for the record it's the cat who decides who has the best milk and the cat communicates that judgment through its actions now why do i put milk out because i want to trap the cat in a lactose-exclusive relationship not really like i said i like cats i'm a cat person i put milk out because i like cats i'm not expecting anything in return the

cat will come back in its own time and will enjoy each other's company and if it doesn't well some other cat will because i put out good milk do you see in this way by just putting goodness and value out into the world you will never belong without company in some cases people will beat a path to your door and those who recognize the value in what you give will come back every day of their own free will because they can't get that milk anywhere else do you understand it's the best milk around and what

happens with those you connect with every day you form relationships with them and these folks stay in your life because they choose you every day and not because you somehow stop them from leaving but if for whatever reason you don't see them again be grateful for the good moments that you had wish them well and keep putting out good milk another cat will be along presently so there are a number of lessons here on how to love without attachment as a recap here are some of them first put out good milk second when the cat

isn't there go on with your life third beware of thinking this is my cat and fourth get comfortable with the fact that cats come and go in their own time this is how you love without attachment what do you think remember to like comment and subscribe for the algorithm and please see the about tab for more information on donations and consultations thanks for listening