Alex Jones: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

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LastWeekTonight

Alex Jones is known for pushing conspiracy theories, but he also spends a lot of time promoting his own products. John Oliver and a “doctor” “from” M.I.T. test out his marketing strategy. Connect with Last Week Tonight online... Subscribe to the Last Week Tonight YouTube channel for more almost news as it almost happens: www.youtube.com/user/LastWeekTonight Find Last Week Tonight on Facebook like your mom would: http://Facebook.com/LastWeekTonight Follow us on Twitter for news about jokes and jokes about news: http://Twitter.com/LastWeekTonight Visit our official site for all that other stuff at once: http://www.hbo.com/lastweektonight

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Video Transcript:

We're going to talk about the media specifically one increasingly influential member of it Alex Jones the Walter Cronkite of shrinking batshit gorilla clowns I know you might be thinking there is nothing more I need to know about Alex Jones because you've probably seen crazy clips like this what do you think tap water is it's a gay bomb baby and I'm not saying people didn't naturally have homosexual Feelings I'm not even getting into it you think gay people I don't like putting chemicals in the water they turn the friggin frogs gay do you understand that Wow if he's that upset about a government conspiracy that is not happening just imagine how upset he's gonna be when he finds out about one that actually is like the fact that the government is turning raccoons bilingual oh that's right they're all fluent in French now and they will be working that Into conversation and that famous clip is by no means an outlier Jones is a charismatic performer who gets charged up on a regular basis so there are plenty of lesser-known outbursts like this my spirit gets close to that evil and I feel it and my whole spirit just goes out they call that crazy that's not crazy that's my will my human spirits saying crush those that would hurt the innocent go after the enemy build a civilization Be honorable crush the snakes under your feet well at least now we know what Friday Night Lights would have looked like if they'd given coach Taylor a nasty PCP habit go after the enemy ideally ideally the first thing you should know about the Alex Jones Show is nothing but unfortunately it is an important part of a lot of people's media diets an estimated 6 million people listen to his radio show or watch it online every week and we know at Least one Jones fan seems to be current Russian ambassador to the United States Donald Trump he he supposedly calls Jones after the election has tweeted content from Infowars and one of its editors and just a year and a half ago even appeared on his show I just want to finish by saying your reputations amazing I will not let you down you will be very very impressed they hope and I think we'll be speaking a lot the only thing that could have made that Moment any grow says if Nigel Faraj Bill Cosby and Phil Spector were all on the same corner so look it is no wonder that Jones has been getting a lot of coverage recently we even mentioned him on our first show of the season back in February and in his response to it he seemed a little annoyed with me your ratings are in the toilet you're a joke they brought you back revamped out of the gates to attack yours truly have you lectured us the Donald Trump could never Win over and over again there's you know you're the intellectual everybody knows the British accents intellectual fast and now you make fun of me out of context and and and although look at this loon hey boy people want legitimacy they want real they want to hear somebody that could speak to them and touch him inside okay don't call me boy and to my British accents does not sound intellectual believe me I sound like a chimney sweep Passing through a wood chipper but but I will give him this Jones is right that too often people don't present him in his full context so tonight we are going to do that unless first set aside the key context the Alex Jones has repeatedly used his show to fuel speculation that the Sandy Hook massacre was staged by the government which has been deeply hurtful for the parents of those children over the years that is disgusting and it should be Disqualifying in terms of ever taking him seriously sadly doing things that disqualify you from being taken seriously doesn't really seem to be much of a thing anymore but but there is a piece of context you may be less aware of and that concerns the nature of Jones's show itself it is four hours long and if you tuned it to the whole thing you'll most shocking discovery might be how frequently and shamelessly he pitches Products that he sells in fact remember that clip from him earlier yelling about snakes let's just go back to that and play it out a bit be honorable crush the snakes under your feet get behind me Satan now before I go any further before I go any further we got to fund this operation we got the very best nutraceuticals out there I don't know if I can run this for other week or so we want to run through the end of the month that's like 11 days cuz I don't want to Sell out for mortgage there next to the good halogen 20% off in fours live.com in fours live.com in fours live.com whoa that is a hard turn to have to make the saint watch being deep state god bless are gonna murder you and your entire family open your eyes people they are coming for you they're coming for all of us hmm but first McGillicuddy's oatmeal the perfect way to start your day and look that quick is not an anomaly in One week of recent broadcast on his site we found he spent nearly a quarter of the time either talking about or playing ads for his products or pointing you to the info war store and if you have never gone shopping on Infowars you are in for whatever the exact opposite of a treatise because there's the kind of survival gear that you would expect alongside more surprising items like organic shampoo body wash and deodorant as well as products like combat one Tactical bath wipes a $10 pack of moist towelettes that can be used anywhere needed including the perineal area which if you're wondering is this region right here that's right Alex Jones is trying to sell you sloppy wet rags for your taint and and when you are done wiping down the area between your genitals and anus with a glorified wet nap why not pick up a Bill Clinton rape whistle which according to Infowars should be used to let bill know you're In the crowd and that you know the truth that truth by the way you just spent six dollars on a whistle oh that's right we bought this and by the way our order came with a free nine eleven was an inside job bumper sticker that we most assuredly did not ask for and radio host doing ads is not inherently unusual but since 2013 Jones has increasingly focused on promoting his own products which he sells on his site under his Infowars life brand particularly Vitamins and nutraceuticals at which I believe are the result of the word nutrition the word pharmaceutical from behind I'm pretty sure that's what it is but this this is a big part of Jones's business two-thirds of his funding reportedly comes from selling his products and there are a lot of them and the reason I know that is we bought a whole bunch now down for you there is a super male vitality super female vitality Wake up America patriot blends coffee lung cleanse brain force plus something called DNA force that costs a hundred and twenty dollars a bottle and child ease a herbal blend at which according to Infowars is designed to soothe the mind and bodies of children which is a profoundly creepy phrase and then there is caveman true paleo formula with bone broth a chocolate flavored drink mix made from bee pollen stevia and the dust of chicken skeletons now according to Infowars it is one of the most popular new health trend in the world today and by the look on junkies face it tastes exactly as good as it sounds portal at it on a couple ice cubes and folks it tastes when it's creamy and thick I think better than Ovaltine and it is got all the bone broth and so much more this is why the ancients they believe we had such better bones or so much healthier you look it up this you could freeze this and this is way better Than like Bluebell chocolate ice cream the alex jones did not enjoy drinking that glass of caveman because I have got a glass of plate man right here and I can confirm to you that it takes it takes exactly how you imagine a drink would taste this made from chocolate and domesticated birth corpses it comes at you in waves and that is not the only time that Jones has used himself as a guinea pig to sell his own products and a warning now to our younger viewers the Following footage of a man graphically too comfortable with his own body may be disturbing just ten months before we taped this decided to do this cuz have it us in a while we took photos a year ago and then I gave about six months ago and the weight loss is dramatic already from what happened before okay so you're ready and you're wearing a belt the only thing I can discern happen between those two photos is that you walk shirtless in the Sun for two hours to a belt store You could clip those two photos around and the effect would be exactly the same also look to be fair to Jobs he does have a medical expert who consults on many of his supplements dr. Edward Group the third who looks like the lead in a direct-to-dvd kato kaelin biopic but he's actually even less impressive than that here he is in an info wars ad explaining the importance of one of the products if you're suffering from abdominal pain allergies even like Headaches anemia weakened immune system gut problems depression hair loss excess gas muscle pain nervousness I mean all these things if you look at some of these conditions and then us opening up our borders and all the other countries opening up our their borders you're just dealing with a mass amount of parasites or harmful organisms you can type in refugees spreading disease I mean the CDC is going crazy right now actually I'm pretty sure that if you talk Refugees spreading disease into Google and press ENTER it just takes you right to the Wikipedia page for xenophobia which at the end of the day is a real time-saver for you but but despite the fact that dr. group looks like what would happen if Tom Petty was machine washed instead of dried alleys slash biking in fact he has been pretty defensive about doctor groups credentials there doesn't matter you've got degrees from MIT and everywhere else And a bunch of other degrees the media makes fun of you and says that you're an idiot that's true they say we cannot sell coffee it's a fraud that's right that's right I've been a research scientist for a long time I do have I am MIT alumni and I can tell you that I do research all the time okay stop let's break down that bunch of degrees Jones mentioned group does have a Doctor of Chiropractic degree from Texas Chiropractic College But well he listen lists all these other schools on LinkedIn we checked and he didn't graduate from any of them in fact we asked him and he admits he does not have an undergraduate degree and as for whether he's an MIT alumni he only completed a non degree certificate program there in fact just to be sure we contacted MIT and according to them it is not accurate to say he has a degree from MIT and calling him an alumni would be inaccurate and misleading This man does not look like an MIT alumnus he looks like a fifth year senior at the University of falling off a surfboard so so just to clarify Alex that is what we are making fun of when we make fun of dr. group well that and the fact that he looks like what would happen if Iggy Pop got the Rachel look Jones can inflate dr. groups credentials all he wants he says a lot of crazy on his show but it is noticeable that when it comes to selling his supplements He can sometimes show a caution that is pretty out of character just watch him bend over backwards to repeatedly qualify what he says seconds after he said it maybe you've had back pain before maybe you've had nerves that were cut off this creates tingling this has illogical Heather feeling come back I'm not gonna make claims his research true organically based bio pqq it's not technically organic the other stuff synthetic you're pretty mad lab mate This is made from organic sources but the bacterias GMO I'll just tell you up front but it's not like the super high-tech stuff it's a bacteria that's just been bred to be able to then secrete and produce this just like beer is bacterial thought a good bacteria obviously but this one that's how the Japanese do it but it's bioidentical the stuff is only found in comics and in trace amounts and blueberries right Okay so let's break that down it repairs nerves but maybe doesn't it's organic but not really it contains GMOs which is bad except for when he's selling you something and you can only find it ingredients in comets oh and blueberries and it's the drop-off after that last one that is really incredible you can only find this stuff in dinosaur bones and in trace amounts in Ritz bits and look jones's product don't come cheap for instance he sells This one fluid ounce bottle of vitamin d3 for 2995 but ConsumerLab calm a supplement watchdog points out that you can buy the same amount of d3 from other sources for less than four dollars but Jung's will often give you a hard sell sometimes he'll tell you if his products are different than the ones that you can find in stores and sometimes he'll go even bigger it is absolutely in the crystalline form the strongest you Absorb it so folks don't go out of the store and get iodine from say one of the big change it'll kill you Wow I honestly did not know that you can employ your competition kills people four out of five dentists prefer Trident gum and the fifth dentist is dead because he put a piece of Wrigley's in his mouth and that's basically suicide and Tahir Jones telling him don't sell it his products are marked up just enough to keep his business going as he explained in his Recent appearance on rationalizing low ratings with megyn kelly and it cost forty five fifty million dollars a year Romo how much money's being made well the money that's made is pretty much put back in the face okay so that is remarkable for two reasons first forty five to fifty million dollars is a lot of money and second Jones would have you believe that every penny they earn is being plowed back into a show that looks like it was filmed on the set of a Low-budget porn parody of itself in fact as he frequently tells his audience he needs them to buy more to keep his truth-telling crusade solvent and growing we need to fund ourselves and we fund ourselves by you buying the products we're at a shortfall now because of the massive sustained economic attacks were under but the listeners in just two weeks of almost narrowed that gap I could have to sell my house to keep this place running Three four months I could have sponsors every segment I don't do it I plug enough to fund things fund us give me the energy and I will attack the enemy it's like an NPR pledge drive for people who hate NPR because to listen to junks Infowars is perpetually on the edge of disaster he even has a link on the info war store where you can just give him money to help fund the fight against tyranny and contributors have left comments like $25 May not be much but I know every little bit helps but junk seems to be doing a bit more than just keep his head above water ex-employees described a thriving business with one saying he can sell 500 supplements in an hour it's like QVC for conspiracy and in one of those Clips we showed earlier we noticed he's wearing what looks like a Rolex watch worth around $8,000 which cool and as we looked around we notice He also seems to have another two different Rolexes and you know cooler and here's the thing that is honestly fine he can have fancy watches there is nothing wrong with him getting paid I get paid to make this show but it does fight with his message that he needs you to buy products to help keep his show going and even Alex Jones seems to be a little self-conscious about that disconnect but don't worry he's reconciled it in a truly amazing way I Wear a blue sports coat and a Rolex because it's a symbol of middle class and humanity having prosperity and promoting human prosperity from a perspective of empowering humanity and stealing the image of a man in a sports jacket with a Rolex that is the satanic image so I dress as a Satanist so that I could enter their world and show you that none of it means anything Oh how stupid do you think your audience is okay you Bought a Rolex so you could dress up like a Satanist what are the other two for and it's intently tormenting the parents of Sandy Hook should comfortably get you into the satanic Club I believe that's the easy pass to whatever the hell's version of the champagne room is and look at the start of this piece I promised Alex jung's that I would put his statements in context because he is right that if you play small clips in isolation he looks like a loon but if You play them in context he looks like a skilled salesman spending hours a day frightening you about problems like refugees spreading disease and then selling you an answer remember that gay frog clip at the start he did a follow-up show explaining how chemicals were being placed in the water to feminize society and reduce the population and then immediately segue to this we shall five different brands of the very best water water filtration Systems out there they're amazing they cut out 99.99% of the glyphosate the herbicides the pesticides the fluoride I mean to an untrained eye it sure seems like he was using the idea of a gay frog to sell his products which incidentally is the same mistake the WB network mate I'm not saying I am NOT saying the only reason Jones is talking about the globalist systematically feminizing us is to sell overpriced nutraceuticals so we can buy luxury watches but if I were Saying that it certainly wouldn't be the stupidest conspiracy theory that you've heard so far tonight so if Alex Jones wants his words in context this is it the fact that he happens to sell so many solutions should really Rican how you think about what he is claiming our problems think about it like this how would you feel if at the end of this segment that may well have made you feeling a little dirty I tried to sell you something to wipe that gross Feeling away would you question my motives well I certainly hope not because that's what we are doing right probably because I'm proud to say that we be working with a leading medical expert and I would like you to meet him right now please please welcome happy to have you and we are here the doctor and I to offer you the John Oliver moisture armor two tactical assault wipe the first tactical wipe for use exclusively on the perineum that's Right for goodness sake don't use this anywhere else you're gonna wanna just focus right on this area right okay now doctor doctor how is this going to make people feel better about what they've seen tonight well my studies show that when you vigorously arrive this paint white it causes a sensation that distracts the brain from whatever had previously been thinking about okay and again you've got degrees from MIT And everywhere else and a bunch of other degrees the media makes fun of you and says you're an idiot they do it just for the record you did go to MIT right well I've definitely physically been there now you can actually buy one of these wipes at info wipes calm for 1 million dollars this is real they are actually available for a million dollars apiece and don't even think about buying a similar wipe in a store because those wipes will kill you also These lights have the power to heterosexual eyes frogs so that's very nice to have cuz that's been a real problem what with all the refugees right look this tactical tank wipe has demonstrated incredible results absolutely it sure has look at this photo of me and now look at this photo of me 45 minutes later after buying the tank like you you're much better behind so much red so if you want to spend a million dollars On a tank wipe go to info whites comm and if you are thinking well no one's going to do that all I will say is people pay Alex Jones $45 for a jar of chocolate flavored chicken juice so anything is possible [Applause]

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