Why Most Men Don’t Dare to Dress Well

00:00 So my wife and I were invited to a party the other day. It was  a bit of a fancier one. It was in a nice venue.

They had sent out invitations, but they weren't  specific about the dress code. Now, I knew the host. I could read between the lines.

I knew that  I was going to wear a casual suit and my wife was looking great in a beautiful dark-colored dress.  Now, when we arrived, what we found is there was a wide range in the attire. The women for the  most part were dressed eloquently.

In fact, I can't think of a woman that wasn't wearing  a nice dress. The men on the other end, yeah, this is where the range was. Now, nobody  was wearing anything embarrassingly bad, 00:30 lot of thought into their outfit, they were underdressed.

And, gents, I'm not  here to judge other people. And I encourage you to look past clothing, really try to get to  know people, don't judge a book by its cover. 00:39 However, the reality is most people do judge a book by its cover.

Most people  make a decision about you based off what they see. And the big problem I see for a lot of men out  there is that they don't have the courage to be the best dressed man in the room. And I say that  not in a way to make it sound like a competition, but instead to highlight the fact that  many men out there even when given the time even when their partner dresses well, they  choose for a variety of reasons to dress down or to dress in a way they always have.

Now,  there's a great HBO show called The Newsroom. 01:06 And you've probably seen the clip where Jeff Daniels states. Not the  greatest country in the world, professor.

That's my answer. Now, he says this statement to a lot of  proud Americans. It shocks them and then he goes in to make a point.

And his point is the first  step in solving a problem is to recognize there is one. Gents, the problem I want to raise awareness  of in today's video is that the majority of men out there do not realize the importance of their  image. We go out there and we spend tons of money on our education.

We spend a lot of time gaining  experience. We approach a problem with enthusiasm. 01:35 But when it comes to our non-verbal communication, our ability to send a message  with our image, our style, the way we dress and the way we present ourselves, a lot of guys out  there, well, let's just face it, they are dropping the ball.

You've got that great friend, good guy,  spends all the time in the gym, has a great body, but wears clothing that just, yeah, just makes him  look bad. All this begs the question, why do so many men not understand style? What's holding guys  back from being the best dressed man in the room?

Actually, to be more specific, their best dressed  self. Because here's what I'm shooting for. 02:05 I want you to look great whether you wear a suit, whether you're  wearing casual clothing.

I want you to be able to put your best foot forward. And in today's  video, we're going to identify the economic, the psychological, the cultural, and the practical  reasons why most men choose to not dress well and how you can overcome those obstacles. So, the  first reason why most men aren't dressing well is that the majority of men around them do not  dress well.

The reality is that we are social. 02:32 creatures. You may think you independently think about  things.

No, you are taking cues all the time from the people around you. If everyone in your  friend's circles wears a baseball cap, a t-shirt, and jeans with running shoes, guess what?  You are going to fall in line.

And experiment after experiment has shown that human beings  are incredibly susceptible to the actions, behaviors, and dress code of those around  them. And, yeah, I said dress code even though it's an unofficial dress code. Very rarely  nowadays even that party I went to the other day.

02:59 there wasn't a dress code, they didn't lay it out. I always think it's easier when  they do. But, the thing is we still look around, we take cues, we look.

If you go into a casual  environment, you start to feel out of place if you are dressing at a higher level. If you walk into  a party and everyone is dressed to the nines and you're not, you're the odd man out, you are going  to feel a bit odd. You are going to feel odd.

03:19 underdressed. And, of course, no surprise here that in the West  particularly the United States and Canada, we have seen dress codes just become more and  more casual as we've gone towards athletic wear as we've worked more and more at home as  the casual Fridays of the 80s turned into the casual week of the 90s as turned into  pajama month by the year 2010. In fact, nowadays when I'm out wearing a sports jacket,  people think I'm wearing a frigging suit which there is a big difference between a  suit is a jacket and trousers.

And, 03:46 made from the same material, a sports jacket or an odd jacket as the name implies  a non-matching material with the trousers. In any case, as society as a whole became more casual,  started dressing down and carrying less for style, even if you tried to maintain your own standards,  it became increasingly difficult as those around you continue to dress down in all the  environments we find ourselves going to, the overall dress continues to go down  and in general is geared towards comfort. 04:12 And I did bring up that italics in comfort because I think that  brings up another reason why a lot of people aren't dressing well is a lot of guys assume  that dressing well is somehow uncomfortable.

Now, in defense of the 10-year-old that is forced to  wear a piece of clothing that he's not used to and it's not nearly as comfortable as a t-shirt. Yes,  he's got to wear, you know, that tie. He doesn't know how to tie, it's way too tight.

He bought  this, his mom bought him this shirt when it was, you know, two years ago. He's outgrown it.  Yeah, this is incredibly uncomfortable.

04:39 And some of you guys that occasionally have to wear a  suit maybe at a wedding, you're like, man, I do not like this stuff. It's weight  doesn't fit well, it doesn't feel. Just wearing this necktie for a few hours, all of  a sudden you've got redness around here.

Yeah, in this case, you're wearing a costume. This  isn't clothing actually made to fit you. So, that's why it's uncomfortable because most likely  it's using actually poor quality materials and the fit is not good.

However, whenever you buy quality  men's clothing that's made to fit your build, 05:05 actually you put it on, there's no hot spots. It's actually made from a  luxurious material, maybe it's going to be wool, a really high-end cotton that is very  comfortable. And you get used to it.

05:15 to wearing it. And that's a really important point because a lot of times we're not used to –  if you're not used to wearing a particular type or style of clothing, you're not really uncomfortable  in it, you're just unfamiliar with it. And over time, the more times that you wear it, you become  more and more familiar.

It's like going into a gym for the first time. You don't know where any of  the equipment is at, you don't know how to use it. By the tenth to twentieth time you've been in the  gym, you start to feel like a regular.

You know where things are at, you know how the workouts are  supposed to go. The same thing with dressing well, you understand what works with what, how things  should be layered, how the fits should be. 05:45 of a sudden, you become very comfortable.

All of a sudden, you start liking  the fact that people call you sir that people actually notice you when you walk into a place.  They assume you're the man in charge because you look like the man in charge. And that takes me  to the next reason I think a lot of guys don't dress well is they are oblivious to the fact of  how important it is for us to dress in a manner.

06:07 so that people make a positive judgment about you whenever they see you.  Now, I know some of you guys out there are saying, I don't care what people think about me. They  should be able to see into my heart and know that, you know, I've got that fancy degree  I've got all that experience.

No, people don't have time for that. You don't  have time for that. There's a whole field of science about this heuristics basically how  we use mental shortcuts as human beings to be able to navigate the infinite.

I mean,  there is just too much information. So, we break things down and we use these, you  know, these prejudices, we use these shortcuts. 06:34 be able to say, okay, I'm going to go this, I'm going to do  that.

Historically, this has worked for me, it works about 90% of the time. Because,  yes, there are anomalies out there, but usually when you meet a person and they're  dressed in a certain way, your idea of success whatever your field may be, you've, okay, I know  that this person normally dresses in this manner, so I'm going to be able to use that quick  shortcut, save my energy, and to be able to move on. When you understand that that's the way  most people work day to day, all of a sudden you 07:04 that I project the image I want to.

And, seriously, there are  tons of professions that do this. Whenever you're getting on an airplane, you see those guys  board early, the pilot and the stewardesses, guess what? They are dressed in a certain  manner.

If you had a naked guy running to, you know, a building and say, everyone  get out, we're going to call the cops, you're going to think he's crazy, you're  going to call the uniformed professionals. 07:23 But, if a uniformed professional who looked like a fireman came in and said,  everybody, get out of here. What are you going to do?

Everyone's getting up and they're getting  out of here based solely on what we see. And so, when a guy understands, hey, you dress in a  certain manner in certain fields, you're going to be able to close more sales. You are going  to be able to send a signal of authority.

People are just going to question you less and you're  going to have to deal with just less a-holes. 07:45 All of a sudden, the rewards and the incentives for a person to start dressing better, they're  there and that's what I love. What a man realizes is, yeah, it's not – it's not about the style,  it's not about being a fashionista, it's about using your clothing as a tool to get what you want  out of life.

Now, some of you guys at work from home are like, okay, Antonio, that doesn't apply  to me at all. I don't go anywhere. Then, in that case, I still would recommend that you dress well,  that you shower, that you maybe put on a favorite fragrance, that you dress in a way – well, who are  you dressing for?

You're dressing for yourself. 08:14 And there's an entire field called enclosed. 08:17 cognition.

Classic study here, they had a group of students, they were like five  hundred of them. Two-fifty thought were told they were wearing doctor jackets, the other two-fifty  were told they're wearing painter smocks. They took a test.

Guess what they found? Those that  thought they were wearing doctor jackets were more attentive and therefore their mindset was in  the right place. They scored statistically higher on their exams.

Now, don't confuse my point. I'm  not saying to start wearing a doctor's jacket whenever you're taking a test. What I am saying  is understand that the clothing you wear actually 08:47 Think about it with athletes, if you were to have, you know, some of those top  soccer players go out wearing a ballerina's tutu.

08:53 They're not going to probably perform as well because  they're wearing the wrong clothing, they're going to feel out of place. The same  with you and they've even shown this actually on video. If you haven't showered and you think  you smell, your confidence level is lower and they've shown this.

Yeah, they have a whole study  on this. And, again, I've done this research, I see it again and again and I want to encourage  you whenever you've got that important meeting, actually get ready for it, dress well for it  even if the camera is not going to be turned on. You know and you feel good and you are  going to be able to perform at a higher level.

09:23 Now, if you're nodding your head throughout this and you're  like, Antonio, this all sounds great, but I'm still not going to improve my style,  I'm not going to look good because I don't want to stand out from the crowd. I get it.  And the desire for human beings to fit in, this is primal.

I mean we go back, you  know, thousands, tens of thousands of years. If you were thrown out of the tribe,  this was pretty much a death sentence. But, here's the thing, as human beings, we often  internalize and we overthink and we think.

09:47 What matters to others actually, it really doesn't matter to them. If you want to  be that guy that has the reputation, just, hey, being the bow tie guy, being the guy that maybe  dresses a little bit better, this actually can be to your advantage. Years ago when I owned  a custom clothing, I had a client he worked over at Microsoft and he was pretty much the only  guy that ever dressed well.

And guess what? When Bill Gates was in town was having a charity event,  they were like who actually has a black tie outfit because the event was like in three to four hours  they wanted to send somebody from his division. 10:17 was the only person, he  was not the most qualified.

10:19 person to sit with Bill and Melinda Gates when they were  back together. But, no, he was the only he was just simply the person that was prepared. So,  there is an advantage to actually standing out and having that courage.

Again, I'm not going to  say stand out in a negative way, but I do think if you are well put together you've got your own  individual style. Maybe it's going to be vests, maybe it's going to be you've got a particular  type of shoe that you want to wear, whatever works in your environment, find a way to be able to  bring it in and to make that style yours and don't 10:49 crowd. Now, this one is a little bit more serious,  but some guys just have a negative.

10:53 body image. Maybe they got the pear shape, they've got the bigger wider hips, they don't have  much muscle in the upper body. They're like, man, I just simply want to wear baggy clothing that  hides everything.

Well, here's the thing is baggy clothing, it just makes you look it just makes you  look like you're wearing baggy clothing. Instead, if you've got that type of build, wear  clothing that actually is going to build up your shoulders is going to maybe slim  up the hips. There are particular cuts, there are certain styles of clothing. 

Again, that's why I like classic 11:23 jacket or a blazer jacket, this is going to build up the shoulders, it's  going to make the hands look larger. Depending on, you know, the cut of the back of the jacket,  you can actually get something with no vent which is going to slim up the hips around,  you know, around the hips a bit. My point being is no matter what your body build is,  you can find clothing that better suits and makes you look your best for the body you have  right now.

Whether you are tall and skinny, you're short and stout, you know, if you  are you don't want to look big and sloppy, you want to look large and in charge. That's what  we're shooting for here. Like the kingpin, right?

11:53 Seriously, when it comes to ethics, he's got something to improve on. But, Fisk,  when it comes to style, the man has it. Next up, we've got judgment and reaction.

So many  guys don't want to dress differently, don't want to dress up because they don't want  other people to judge them. I like Nudie Cohen's point. He was this amazing the rhinestone  cowboy look he actually built out in Vegas, amazing Ukrainian immigrant.

He would always say  it's better to be looked over than overlooked. 12:19 And when you embrace that that people are going to judge you, well, you might as well be judged as  looking good. So, at the party the other day, yes, I probably was one of the, you know, best dressed  guys there.

I wasn't afraid to look great with my wife. I knew we were going to take some pictures,  we were going to be spending some time together with others. And I had a number of men and a  number of women compliment me, wow, you look great.

And it feels good and you just simply learn  to be able to say thank you, say I appreciate it. You know, I do, you know, people know what  industry I'm in and what I do for a living. 12:49 is it's like, hey, I got to live up to the brand.

But, point being is just  learn to be able to accept the compliment and know that if people are going to judge you, they're at  least going to judge you as someone that cares, someone that puts in the effort maybe in their  mind a little bit too much, but, you know, that's more on them than you. So, what about time  constraints? What about convenience?

Is it harder to dress well? I don't think so especially if you  lay out your clothing, if you design a wardrobe, if you build things out so that you can  just simply walk in. I always talk about the interchangeable wardrobe, but one of the things I  talk about with that is also being able to color.

13:19 block. As you guys probably have seen, most of my jackets, you know, I've got reds right  here, I've got browns. Whenever it comes to my trousers, they're usually going to be in grays.

My  shoes are going to be dark browns, but I keep this pretty consistent. Yes, I've got some blue jackets  as well. My shirts are mostly going to be whites, they're going to be blues.

These colors are,  you know, some people may find boring. I find it just easy to be able to go in there and mix and  match and to be able to build pieces out. Again, with an interchangeable wardrobe, you could  own less, you can get more.

It's going to be 13:48 three pairs of shoes, three trousers, three shirts, and three jackets. Now, the goal  here is for you to have three solid outfits with all twelve of those items. See how it goes right  across?

Three, three, three, and three. Instead of three outfits here, we actually have eighty-one  outfits because everything is a hundred percent mixable meaning that every pair of trousers works  with every pair of shoes, works with every shirt. 14:12 works with every jacket.

And let's talk about  the excuse, I don't know where to start, I don't know how to dress better. Guys, come on, I  give you so many tools here free on this channel, but if you actually want a guide down in the  description of today's video, I'm going to link over to my style system. We've got a special  going on if you want a step-by-step program.

14:31 on how to improve your style. Get access to me and  my team to be able to give you feedback on your outfits to be able to just help you and  motivate you and hold you accountable to taking action to become the man you know yourself  to be. When it comes to image and style, guys, I'm going to link to it down in the  description.

Guys, I give you so many free tools here at Real Men Real Style, so continue  your viewing experience. I got you covered. If you want more information on how to dress like  your best self, guys, boom!

Check out this video. 14:59 Got you covered. I care about you guys.

Again, style is important,  but what's more important is that you get the opportunity to show the world who you are. You are  that rough uncut diamond who I hope that you can shine and the world will find you and you will  go out there and make a difference. Guys, yeah.