7 Simple Steps To Attracting Your SOULMATE (It’s Not What You Think!)

welcome back to the school of greatness I'm very excited to talk about this subject today it's the seven keys to Lasting Love Now why am I diving into this I've been fascinated with relationships for as long as I can remember when I was a kid I really didn't feel connected to too many people I was the youngest of four my parents were working extremely hard in their jobs but also trying their best to parent us and I was always struggling with friendships I didn't really feel like I had a lot of friends growing up I

felt like I was more picked on and kind of the kid in the back of the class who was just struggling in school and really just got made fun of a lot and that was the memories or at least the stories I tell myself and I remember in middle school high school college starting to observe people a lot and seeing how do people work in relationship Dynamics what makes people attracted to another person what makes them interested what makes them laugh I started to observe people and really just study human dynamics human behavior and social

situ situations and I started to experiment a lot I started to try to build deeper relationships I tried to be a funny human being I tried to act intelligent I tried to jump in quickly in conversation I tried to show off and show a big ego of what I could accomplish in my successes in sports and things like that and really I learned the hard way about how to not do relationships from multiple quote unquote failed Intimate Relationships that I've had since I was 16 until I was about 38 um and a lot of different

healing modalities that I've been through over the last 10 years emotional intelligence workshops coaches therapists immersive somatic experiences to get reconnected to my nervous system and my body get out of my ego and into my heart and truly connect with my authentic self and so today is breaking down the seven keys to Lasting Love and figure out how to you develop and create a conscious relationship with someone that you truly love and care about how do you choose the partner wisely but also when you're with the partner how do you make sure the relationship lasts

not just through suffering and surviving but through thriving and that's what this is all about I don't believe that this world and this life is supposed to be sad and suffering and a constant situation where you just feel like I am not enough this is never going to work out all my relationships fail and I am never going to find someone that I truly care about and love and I'm never going to be able to have a happy relationship a fulfilled thriving relationship I truly believe that we are meant to overcome the adversities and the

stories and the beliefs that hold us back from the things that may have happened to us and write a new story and create a new relationship with ourselves in the world and ultimately attracting an incredible partner for yourself so that you can have a love story a life full of a lot of love and you can think about every single night the Gratitude and appreciation you have for this relationship I truly believe it's possible one because I never thought it was possible from all of these stressful struggling failed relationships I experienced they felt like a

ton of work they felt like we were never in alignment and we were always off in some way they felt like um they just W never the right fit and I don't blame any of the people that I was in relationships with I didn't know how to choose out of really these seven different things we're to talk about I didn't know how to choose from a place of wholeness and a journey of healing I was choosing out of a place of anxiousness avoidant being emotionally unattached to at certain times or whatever it might have been

out of fear really I was choosing out of fear and the goal is to choose from a place of faith and love knowing that the relationship is never going to be this perfect thing you're never going to find the perfect person who never makes a mistake or who isn't flawed and if that's what you're thinking right now it's just not going to happen but through these seven keys that we're going to talk about in this episode you can really set yourself up for a lot of success in your relationship and when I think of success

I don't mean it looks good to the outside world I don't mean you've picked a partner that looks good on paper and that your parents approve of and your friends admire I'm talking about success in the terms of you feel a sense of Peace gratitude and Harmony inside of you and your environment is full of love again it doesn't mean you're not going to have challenging conversations or struggle from time to time or face adversity together but the goal is to create Harmony and create a peaceful thriving relationship with Harmony not with stress not with

chaos not with explosive emotions and chaotic energy that is not a thriving relationship that might be fun and interesting for a short amount of time but over a longlasting relationship that is unsustainable it will burn you out and it will bring you to your knees and make you feel like the world is crumbling against you your goal is not to create that relationship but to create one that supports you in becoming your greatest self the highest version of you where you can actualize your talents your gifts and dreams and manifest those into the world in

service through the relationship that's what this is all about so Harmony peace and Harmony that is the thing that I I've learned is the highest form of currency in an intimate relationship when you have those things it feels like you can do anything in your life you feel this renewable energy you feel like man I'm so blessed and grateful that this person fully accepts who I am and wants to see me improve and grow as a human being and they want to see me thrive in my my career my profession and my health and my

my other relationship uh my dreams they want to see me Thrive they don't get jealous or insecure they get excited for me that's what you want to experience when you're in this place of peace and Harmony this renewable energy that makes you feel you are unstoppable and so these seven keys to lasting love this episode is for those who are willing to do the work this is not supposed to be um it just comes to you effortlessly if you don't do the work now if you're willing to invest the time and energy to do the

work for yourself to start to heal to integrate to process these different things that you may have been running from or avoiding or things you've been chasing to try to feel and fill up something that you feel empty inside we've got to learn to face ourself we must learn to embrace the parts of us that we don't enjoy that we feel shame or insecurity or doubt or anger or resentment or we must turn around face and embrace those things and then replace those things with a new identity with a new belief system with a new

way of thinking feeling and experiencing life a new lens to perceive the world in a different way but if you're not willing to turn around and face yourself not run away and not Chase something else but turn around and face yourself if you're not willing to embrace the parts of you that you you do not like and that you do not love the things where you feel ashamed of if you're not willing to embrace those things and start rewiring your brain and rewiring your nervous system to connect to those things and heal them to create

wholeness healthier relationship with self and your own self identity and if you're not willing to replace those old beliefs with new beliefs and embrace the change that you need to make in your life to feel whole then this isn't going to work for you this isn't going to work for you you're not going to find Prince Charming who's going to rescue you from all of your wounds and traumas of your past and heal you by themselves that's not going to happen you're not going to find the perfect woman who's going to make you feel loved

and seen and acknowledg because you never felt that before in the past that's not going to happen you have got to be willing to do the work on your own as well and when you do that work you're going to start to see people differently and you're going to start to attract the ideal partner in your life to then create lasting love the work must be done by you this doesn't come easily without the work when you do the work that's when you attract and it's like Voom you become a magnet you become a Vortex

of love you become abundant with possibilities for love then you have to be Discerning to make sure you ask the courageous questions and get to know the right person and make sure you're in alignment with your values your vision and your lifestyle those will be key and choosing your partner with alignment values vision and lifestyle once you do this then you've got to follow through on these seven keys and when I looked up the biggest fear people have when it comes to relationships I found this according to psych Central the most common fears within relationships

include intimacy inadequacy and abandonment now let that sink in intimacy inadequacy and abandonment we all have some type of fear that we need to overcome which one of those is the greatest fear for you if you're watching this right now leave a comment below on our Channel and let me know type in which one that is for you intimacy inadequacy or abandonment which wound do you have or have you had in the past leave a comment below and how many of you have entered a relationship and feared it would go away or you might lose

it like if you don't give in or please them of everything they want maybe they're not going to like me and love me and they're going to leave me I love this quote by Diego AKA young pelo who we had on the show he said we allow ourselves to love because it's worth the risk even though there is a chance of loss or hurt we take the leap again and again because love is one of the best parts of being alive we don't do it because it's easy we do it because connection makes everything brighter

oo I love that quote Diego young pbl I love that quote because on the other side of fear when we heal and go through and face ourselves the parts of ourselves that we don't truly enjoy that we're afraid of on the other side of that that's when it becomes a loving experience that's where we can feel love at the highest level but if we're living in fear and anxiety and worry about abandonment or a lack of uh inadequacy or whatever it might be if we're living in that anxious feeling we're going to attract out of

a place of anxiousness we're going to stay in a relationship in that and that's not going to allow us to thrive and flow energetically in love the thing that's missing for most of us is one thing and this thing is holding you back from experiencing the most beautiful life you could ever have it's a thing that keeps you stuck it's a thing that keeps you feeling not enough it's a thing that continues to put you in front of the wrong people and keep you in toxic relationships and the thing that most of us are missing

is self love and we will give to others before we give to ourselves we will take care of our pets better than we take care of ourselves we will give everything to everyone else and then we will have a hard time giving that back to self and that is just not going to set you up for a successful long-term relationship we must learn to switch this I'm not saying stop being a generous human being and stop thinking about people that's not what I'm saying but what I am saying include yourself in the conversation of being

a generous human being include yourself in the love you give others give that love to yourself as well don't only be selfish don't only have an ego don't only think of you give it to you as well you deserve that and if you're willing to give that to others but you aren't willing to give that to yourself how are you going to attract and receive love from another if you can't even receive it from yourself it will be near impossible and you will sabotage the relationship over and over again no matter how much they try

to give you how much they try to love you how much they try to support you you will reject it energetically because you haven't learned how to love yourself first so this will be one of the keys that you're going to need to focus on if you want to have a thriving long- lasting relationships and before we dive into these seven keys I want to read one more quote that I found online I'm not sure who said this but I found this quote that says if you want something you have to become it first if

you want love love yourself first if you want to be valued value yourself first if you want to be taken care of take care of yourself first become the energy you want to attract I want to read that again become the energy you want to attract in relationships all forms of relationships there are Keys tools and insights to find love today I want to talk about ways to making love last love for your partner but maybe even more importantly developing love for yourself because again if you do not learn the tools for loving you you'll

never have a longlasting intimate relationship with another person so key number one is communication now that may not be some New Concept for you but how many of you have received feedback from your partner or friend or coworker that you are not the best at communicating or maybe you don't even know how to receive feedback because it's a one-way channel of communication and you're not a good listener effective communication is the foundation of every relationship but specifically in intimacy and there is one big thing that most people do not do in order to become a

great communicator and communication has nothing to do with what you say communication has everything to do to how you listen and most people do not have the skill of listening it is a skill it's something I've been working on my entire life I still get to work on listening and I have done over 11 years of interviews that I've recorded over, 1500 episodes I've interviewed so many different Incredible Minds in the world and I still need to learn how to listen better I still up sometimes I still add my two cents when someone's talking I

still do those things now yes that is natural conversation and flow you're you're ebbing and flowing in a conversation but the key to being a great communicator is not how funny you are how interesting you are what you say how smart you are it's how well you listen this is everything in relationships everything I feel blessed in some ways because my biggest adversity and challenge as a kid was my fear of speaking in public I could not stand up in front of an an audience of three or four peers and speak for a sentence without

feeling like everyone was going to laugh at me I couldn't get up in front of the class and read aloud because I had dyslexia and struggled reading um I just was always worried about how people are going to think about me based on what I said so this was a big insecurity and fear that I needed to overcome and that became a great gift for me because I was afraid of that so it taught me how to just sit there observe and listen and really pay attention what are people saying what are they not saying

what are they saying with their body language their facial expressions what are they what are they wanting to say that they should be saying and the more I would observe this in different social settings from elementary school all the way into the business world to interviewing some of the top people in the world the more I'd experience this at Live Events experiences all these different social dynamics and and uh places that I would go the more I would do this the more I would realize that listening is the key it's the key to communication and

the funny thing is I would go to events in my early 20s and I would somehow get in the room with with big leaders thought leaders leaders and authors and speakers and somehow be in the room with them and I always be thinking to myself man I'm 10 20 years younger than this individual I have no experience compared to what they their experience is they are just so much smarter than me and so all I would do is ask them a few questions and look at them and pay attention pay attention and then I would

ask a follow-up question and I would do this for 10 20 30 minutes and if we were at an event and I would essentially be asking a few different question questions for a period of time and at the end of this conversation the person I always say man you're just such an interesting person like this has been a great conversation and I'm like I didn't even say anything I just ask questions but if you want to become one of the most interesting people in the room or in a relationship become the most interested person in

the room or in that relationship and what that means is be interested and curious about other people especially in your relationship and communication most people they might do this in the first 6 months to a year but then they stop doing this they stop being interested and then you lose communication so be willing to ask questions be willing to be vulnerable and open up be willing to pay attention this is one of the keys to Lasting Love is communication and communication is not all about speaking it's about listening observing and being curious we've had several

different um social dynamics individuals communication experts uh facial expression experts on the show so make sure to to check out some of these episodes that we've had that can give you tools for increasing your Communication in relationships and again by going to your partner and checking in on them by asking them how they're doing and actually listening to them this goes way better than just speaking what happened to you all day long or complaining to them so be willing to listen and ask questions the second key of longlasting Love is vulnerability Now ladies you may

be thinking yeah I've been looking for a vulnerable man I've been looking for a man to open up to to show me his emotions and all the men I find are emotionally unavailable and they're closed off and they're just ego driven and listen I used to be that way so I know how it feels but I didn't have a safe environment with me that's why we've all got to be doing the work so that vulnerability opens up and is available for us but ladies if you want a man to be vulnerable with you you need

to First create a safe environment that they can be vulnerable and the challenge that I've faced in past relationships is I've been vulnerable I've showed emotion in terms of like sadness and tears and I've been made fun of when that happened in previous relationships and I'll tell you what that doesn't make you feel safe that doesn't make you want to show your emotions or be vulnerable ever again it makes you want to toughen up it makes you want to say never again am I going to be open and real and vulnerable with this person because

I don't feel safe and if you want to shut a man down then don't let them be vulnerable make fun of them tell them never to show their emotions and you will get a one-sided man that man may be strong and he may be tough and he may get things done but when you want someone to really feel intimate and vulnerable with you've already shut that out of your relationship and that's going to create distance in a long-term relationship so vulnerability is key number two to Lasting Love now I'm not saying every day you need

to be vulnerable and sitting there eye to eye staring at each other and crying and weeping over something every single day that's not vulnerability vulnerability is authenticity it's being real it's expressing how you truly feel but but most people don't express how they truly feel they feel like they've got to act apart they feel like they can't truly open up and that really will hurt you so again there's a lot of strength that comes in doing the internal work there's a lot of strength it comes in facing the different traumas you might have whether they're

little traumas or big traumas but this is the work that you're going to need to do in order to be vulnerable and it took me a long time so you got to also give people Grace because some people's traumas are so deep that they don't want to face those things right away and you can't force someone to face these things you can't pressure someone to be vulnerable if they're not ready so also take a breath and accept the person and meet them where they're at it took me 25 years to really start opening up about

some of the biggest traumas that I had from sexual abuse and abandonment and other feelings and emotions that I felt really triggered by that I wasn't willing to talk to people about until I felt like enough was enough and I had to start doing the work and it was a 10 11year Journey from that point that I've been constantly evolving doing the work and growing and I still have a lot of work that I get to do and that's okay but again don't force and pressure someone to be vulnerable you know Dr Bernay Brown who

we've had on the show amazing interview that we had is well known for discussing the power of vulnerability in relationships and how it Fosters intimacy and deepens connections and I love this quote by brne Brown vulnerability is not winning or losing it's Having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control of the outcome man When You're vulnerable and you have the courage to show up and be seen and not have control of what is going to happen next how is someone going to respond how am I going to feel man

that takes courage and it may seem like a small or simple thing but that takes emotional vulnerability emotional courage I can go on the football field against the biggest man head-to-head smash my head against them full speed tackle them score touchdowns I could get in the fight with anyone and take care of myself I can do whatever I need to do that's courage that wasn't courage you know there might be moments where I need to be able to defend and protect myself if there's a life or or death threat but most of times it's an

ego threat it's a threat to our ego and our image that causes us to fight to confront uh to pick a fight with someone and that doesn't serve us we're confronted by ego that's not courage courage is actually Rising above that and knowing I am strong and capable enough to handle any situation because I'm training and developing myself but it doesn't mean I need to use these anger or aggression to fight in any situation she says it's not about winning or losing right it's about having the courage to show up and be vulnerable without knowing

the outcome the challenge is you've got to be making sure that you first attract a partner who is vulnerable with you before you get you know committed uh date the person get to know them make sure that you can be vulnerable in the first few months of dating them before committing to them and getting married to them and realizing oh there's no vulnerability here we've always been surface level because that surface level is not going to support you in thriving for a long lasting relationship maybe it works for a year or two but eventually that's

going to get old key number three respect if you do not respect your partner if you not respect the life that they've chosen then that means that you haven't accepted them them that means you've chosen a partner that you do not accept and if you don't accept them that means you judge them it means you're judging them that they need to make a change they need to become someone different they need to do different things and have different beliefs and have different way of thinking and acting and different careers and all these different things that

means that you are essentially are above your partner you think that they need to change in order to make you happy and meet you where you're at no my friend that is a lack of respect and that is a lack of vulnerability and emotional courage that you had early in the relationship because you didn't ask the questions you didn't listen like we talked about in key number one communication you didn't listen fully and ask the courageous questions to understand is this a person that I respect is this a person that I respect their values their

Vision their lifestyle is this a person that I respect on their whole past as opposed to holding on to the decisions they made in their past and the things that they're ashamed of can you Embrace those things and accept them knowing that they've overcome them knowing that they have made mistakes in the past just like you because you're not perfect and you've learned to respect how they overcame their shame their insecurities their doubts their fears maybe the mistakes they've made maybe the flaws that they have and if you can learn how to accept them then

you can learn how to respect them and a lot of people don't have respect because they haven't created clear boundaries and agreements they haven't communicated these are my boundaries these are my agreements this is what I want to do moving forward so we've got to be thinking about respect in the terms of how I made a conscious decision on how to choose a partner that I accept have I had all the conversations that I need to have to feel like I accept accept this person and therefore I can respect them again respect comes with personal

agreements and boundaries and I'll just share a couple of those from previous relationships that I was in I never really created boundaries I never really created agreements I just kind of wanted there to be peace I wanted there to be happiness and joy all the time so I would give in when the person wasn't happy and I would do things that I didn't want to do to try to keep the peace and try to make sure that there wasn't too much stress or there wasn't too much care and that usually ended in more resentment from

me and then a lack of respect for the person I was dating because I felt like I was doing things that I didn't want to do and I'm sure they did vice versa so it created a lack of respect and more resentment and that resentment doesn't allow you to create long- lasting love so I lacked the courage to communicate and to give clear boundaries and create agreements and most people are unwilling to respect themselves with clear boundaries and agreements because they're afraid to lose the relationship they're afraid well what if I do this what if

I create a boundary and agreement and the person doesn't like it and they don't want to be with me that is one of the biggest fears the insecurity of inadequacy and when you face yourself embrace the parts of you that are insecure and heal and mend those things and replace yourself with the higher version of you the new identity that serves you and your mission at a higher level then you understand if this person does not accept me from my boundaries and my agreements then I have chosen the wrong person and this will not last

long term when you say I am going to choose you as my partner and be in a committed relationship that means hopefully you've gotten to know all the parts of them or as much as you can and then you can say I accept you for who you are and I'm not going to change you most of the time people are trying to change the person they're with to make themselves feel better that is not your responsibility your responsibility is on you to make sure you create an environment of peace and Harmony inside to have a

beautiful relationship with yourself a joyful happy relationship with yourself that is your responsibility and your job it's not to make the other person happy you add joy to your partner you add to their happiness but you do not make them happy by changing who you are that will never work key number four appreciation now I'm a big fan of the concept of Love Languages not Everyone likes this idea but I just think it's a good practicality for getting some Basics out of the way in understanding how your relationship is working and if you figure out

which one of your love languages are five love languages uh appreciation or words of affirmation physical touch for me that is like in a feeling of appreciation when someone touches me when someone's you know rubbing my back or just holding my hand or just telling me how much they appreciate me through words of affirmation I just feel like oh the person I'm with has chosen to love me and they appreciate all the parts of me when I don't feel appreciation it doesn't have to be every day or something like that but when I don't feel

someone I'm appreciated in general it's kind of like what's the point of being in this relationship and the same for you you've got to be showing appreciation in ways that the other person can receive them and the challenge is if some people aren't able to receive appreciation that might be a tough way to have a long- lasting relationship also but if you can understand the love language of the person you're with maybe it's not words of affirmation or physical touch maybe it's quality time maybe it's acts of surface maybe it's gifts whatever it is ask

them how they feel the most love when you ask them and you do those things it's just going to bring them more joy and make them feel appreciated if you are in a relationship with someone and you do not feel appreciated I don't think that's going to support you in being in the relationship long term you're going to feel resentment anger and frustration and you're going to wish that this person acknowledged you for all that you did for them in this relationship and the ways that you could receive them so appreciation is key and making

sure you communicate to the person the way you like to be appreciated now I for some reason when I was in my wounded season when I would attract people out of a wound and out of chemicals and out of desires versus out of values vision and lifestyle I would always seem to be in a relationship where someone didn't share my love language as the top love language and so they always liked things that I was was n naturally good at doing or showing and vice versa they would do things that I wasn't really good at

receiving I liked to be receive love in a different way and I like to show it in a different way and so it always seemed like it was so much harder work because the things that I wasn't naturally good at they wanted me to do and they would request me doing it over and over again and they felt like man this is just it's not who I am it's not the way I naturally do things in the world whereas when I started to heal and I finally attracted a great relationship with my fiance Martha we

have the exact same love languages in order from top to bottom so what that means is I naturally show up giving to her love exactly the way she likes to receive love so it means I don't have to change who I am naturally for her to feel loved organically on a daily basis I just need to keep showing up my best self and vice versa she shares her love with me and the ways that I truly enjoy to receive love and it's just a beautiful way of saying okay learning and communicating about each other before

you get into the relationship just to see if you're aligned as much as possible and I'm not saying you're not going to have a great love life and relationship if you're not perfectly aligned on those things but you want to feel organic and in alignment in the best way possible with how you feel and give appreciation key number five is growth now this is something that I just believe is necessary either you both need to be willing to grow together or at one point or another you'll probably grow apart so either you both commit to

saying hey we are individually going to be working on ourselves throughout our relationship we're going to be growing healing developing becoming a greater version of ourselves and we're going to be working together in the relationship to grow and develop the relationship as well if both individuals are willing to do that you have a big chance of success for long lasting love I'm not saying it's 100% going to work out but you have a greater chance of long lasting love let me know in the comments if you've ever been in relationship with someone else who didn't

want to personally grow they didn't want to develop they didn't want to new things they didn't want to get coaching or have feedback they were always right they never wanted to you know learn how to improve themselves they never wanted to go to a workshop or read a book or listen to a podcast about ways to better themselves it is exhausting being with someone if you are into personal growth and wanting to improve and the other person does not want to at all it is exhausting and it can only last so long so either both

people need to make a commitment and say we're good where we're at right now we've learned everything we need to learn up to this level of Our Lives where we've met we don't need to learn anything else we don't need to improve anything else let's live at this level let's stay here all the knowledge we've gained at this point is as much as we need and we're both going to stay at this level and not going to try to improve and grow to higher levels I think either both people need to come to agreement that

that's where they're going to be or both people need to agree to personal growth and having a growth mindset having an abundance mindset and being willing to say you know what I'm going to try new things again it doesn't mean I need to change who I am my personality you're still going to accept the person who they are but the commitment they've made to personal growth they will naturally evolve over time so you either need to both commit to zero growth or both commit to personal growth individually and together in the relationship I just think

that's so important not just in the relationship but both individually and together in the relationship to allow it to thrive if I look back every relationship I've ever had we were not in alignment on those on that philosophy the relationship I'm in now we both individually have strategies skill sets support to help us develop individually separate of each other but also we work together to grow together we go to workshops together we meditate together we get coaching together we go to therapy together we do we do activities to support growth in the relationship we have

conversations and go through journaling prompts we do things to allow communication respect growth to happen together and all of the successful relationships that I've interviewed and met with who've been together for a long time they talk about willing to grow individually and together so again I encourage you to make that commitment that doesn't mean you need to be obsessed every single day and wake up at 5:00 a.m. and you know meditate for 10 hours a day and go you know do workshops non-stop but investing in a few things every year and say hey I'm going

to read this book and let's go through this book together I'm going to get a coaching session once once in a while and and try to improve myself just whatever it is for you I just think it's important number six is quality time together a lot of times people do this in the first 6 to 12 months you dedicate quality time and intimacy and experiences and adventure and then for whatever reason you just end up going to work coming home watching Netflix eating pizza and ice cream and going to sleep and repeating that over and

over again for years that is not going to be a life that you love you've got to be willing to spend quality time together it's not sitting there and just watching TV together and eating ice cream and pizza sure you can do that once in a while but if that's your life that's not going to be a fulfilling life that you really enjoy and everyone's different here but some practical things that can enhance the quality time you spend together is really setting aside time every single week and scheduling either a date night an experience or

something where you're not on your phones where you're not in front of a TV where you're not uh just watching a YouTube video together or watching Netflix but actually scheduling something where it's shared quality time I think doing a digital detox is one of the greatest things you can do in a relationship so that'd be another thing you could try hey can we go away tonight and leave our phones at home I don't know many people that can do that but it is freeing if you just say hey let's go on a walk together after

dinner and leave our phones at home let's go out on a date and leave our phones at home and don't worry you're going to figure out how to get to the location you can write down the address you can get there a certain way but you can leave your phones at home for 4 hours you will survive trust me I'm a millennial I grew up at a time without cell phones we were able to survive and get around and connect with each other without having to be on our phones I dare you to go on

a digital detox date for 4 hours with someone and see what happens when you both don't take your phones no Apple watch no phones no iPads no trickery here here just go out and spend quality time together go for a walk for 20 minutes without your phone and watch what unfolds in your life it will be magic you'll feel free and you'll feel connected more than ever taking the time to have meaningful conversations you know Martha and I do you know she's incredible because she wants to grow constantly so we will read a book together

and we'll do a chapter at a time it doesn't have to take all day but we'll read a chapter for 30 minutes with different exercises or questions that we can ask each other about relationships and this is Meaningful conversations it allows us to ask things courageously without having to do them without some prompt or exercise this is a a safer way to have tougher conversations and talk about things that maybe still are uncomfortable for us so have those meaningful conversations those deeper conversations mindful activities you know man there are so many activities that are that

are fun that are you know harmless but they may not be mindful so sure have those date nights those activities those experiences have fun but also take time in the relationship every single year year to do something mindful last year Martha and I went on a 7-Day Retreat together Meditation Retreat with Dr Joe despenza who we've had on this show many times it was incredible we didn't have our phones on us we were meditating all day and learning about our minds and the power power of our minds and connecting to our nervous system and our

body and creating an abundant life when you create that shared experience together with mindful activities it just bonds you in a beautiful way and creates more Harmony more connection more vulnerability and intimacy and again it sets you up for lasting love it's so key so again mindful activities is one of the keys to creating quality time together and number seven key adaptability now adaptability flexibility you know some people say you know the key to a great relationship is compromise compromise but for whatever reason I just don't like that word I think there's a better way

of saying it and I think that's being flexible being adaptable and again you can't be the only one in the relationship when both people are willing to have this mentality then when things have to constantly change or they don't go as planned or you need to change your plans you're both both able to come in this place and say okay it's okay we're both adaptable we can both handle this challenging moments tough moments stressful moments you're both adaptable you're not both rigid and saying ah I'm freaking out and I just think that's key it's not

about compromising it's not about sacrificing necessarily although there will be sacrifices but I really look at sacrifices as decisions and choices that you are willing to make to create a healthy driving relationship and when you make a commitment with decisions and choices that you want to be in this you're saying you know what this means you know the responsibility that this means to be in a committed intimate relationship and with that means you got to be flexible you got to be adaptable now if there's any parents watching right now you probably know the definition of

adaptability more than anyone I'm not a parent yet but I can understand that when you have kids you think you have plans but your plans are going to change all the time you you think you're going to be somewhere at a certain time but if your kid gets sick or is throwing you know a fit or has to go to the bathroom and takes longer you have to be flexible and adaptable you have to get out of yourself and be willing to adapt to whatever situation is happening the same thing in a relationship if you're

single you live your life on your terms but you're in a relationship you've committed to wanting to be there for another so if your partner or the person you're with is struggling or having a hard time you can't just neglect that person if they're sick you can't just neglect them you've got to treat them you've got to take care of them you've got to be there for them as you would want them to be there for you that's what intimacy that's what love and that's what a relationship is it's the ability to adapt and be

there for one another seven keys to Lasting Love I want to leave you with this quote by Dr Joe despenza since I did mention him and I and I loved the episode on love and attracting love in your life it's got over 10 million views on our YouTube channel so if you haven't seen this video with Dr J despenza on Love I highly recommend watching it but here's the quote by Dr Joe despenza he said falling in love with life is falling in love with yourself and falling in love with yourself is falling in love

with life remember you are love you are already loved love is abundant in your life and you being born means you are love the reason you're here is to experience and express love on the highest forms we have to remember one thing though and I think a lot of us have lost the memory that we are love that we are valuable that we are enough and we have to turn around or look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you were created to be here to experience love at the highest levels and even though

you maybe have never experienced it yet and maybe though you've been told that you were nothing that you weren't going to amount to anything that you don't matter where people have neglected you abandoned you in certain ways in your life and you don't feel loved I'm telling you you are loved I want to remind you that you are loved you are worthy and you matter but it's not going to happen overnight of you knowing this unless you're willing to do the work unless you're willing to really face the parts of you that you don't like

to look at the things that you've never told anyone the things that you're the most ashamed of unless you're willing to turn around and face those parts of yourself and embrace them and forgive yourself and forgive others who have harmed you or hurt you and really create an integrated healing whole self internally if your body does not feel safe emotionally or physically in certain situations it means you've got work to do if you haven't been able to connect with or find the right person in your life right now it means you've got work to do

if you don't feel like you're enough or you're valuable or you'll never be enough to be in a great relationship you've got work to do and I'm telling you it's an exciting time it's an exciting time because the years that I did the the deepest work the years that were painful to face myself were some of the greatest years because you know why they set me free they allowed the pain in my heart to finally go away it set me free it opened me up to attract someone in my life who has given me so

much more love and peace than I've ever experienced before that's where the work begins again if you feel like you're in this situation in your life leave a comment below that you're excited to do the work you're excited to find love and you're excited to be the love of your life first before you attract the love of your life next again I'm so excited I hope this was a powerful conversation for you I hope you enjoyed these seven keys if you did we've got some other episodes that I think you'll really enjoy in the description

please share this with one friend that you're thinking about right now that you think could really be inspired by this episode make sure to click the Subscribe button if you're here on YouTube follow us on Apple or Spotify podcast click the follow and listen as well and again I want to remind you that you are loved you are worthy and you matter and you know what time it is it's time to go out there and do something great as an athlete I was hungry to find a hero someone who could inspire me and convince me

that I could do what I wanted to do when it was football I found inspirational players and watched their highlight tapes I found out who their Heroes were and watched those tapes as well in this step I want you