how to stop self-sabotage from ruining your potential | the signs, causes and solutions to beat it

you keep putting off important tasks even though you know you should be doing them any single time you start making progress in the gym you stop going you set unrealistic standards for yourself and refuse to do anything unless it's perfect you're literally standing in the way of your own progression if somebody else was out here flaking on you like this you would probably think that they hate you so why are we treating ourselves like this one thing that isn't discussed enough is that yes when you're trying to become the dream version of yourself you need

to put in all the work and you need to be disciplined but also you need to work on your yourself internally so that when you do finally get into a good space or start receiving all of the things that you dreamt of you feel secure enough in yourself that you don't then start to sabotage them so in this video I'm going to be sharing all of the unique forms of self-sabotage that a lot of the time you probably don't even realize that you're doing and then all of the ways that you can overcome them to

stop self-sabotaging in your life but before we get into it make sure to check out all the links Below in my description because my selflove guide book just came out and is available to order worldwide on Amazon it's called by yourself The Damp flowers and is a practical guide to learning how to achieve self- love in all areas of your life and down below you can also find my Instagram my Snapchat my Tik Tok my other YouTube channels my podcast self-obsessed where there's like a whole other bunch of exclusive self-development advice on becoming the most

powerful and self-obsessed self over there and finally this video has been brought to you by Thea study if you didn't already know then get to know because Theo study is going to save you if you are in a period of your life or in school University and you need to study this is a new tool designed to help students work smarter and not harder Theo study is known for helping students Master true understanding of whatever they're studying and their subject rather than just memorizing information which at the end of the day is going to help

you get better grades when looking into the study myself I have to say that my favorite feature of this platform is the Smart study feature this uses spaced repetition and requires students to actively recall what they are studying and the reason I love this so much is because I have to do this myself back when I was in school and I honestly think that this is the most effective studying method to be able to get up to those a grades so I'm so glad that this is an entire section of the the study platform as

you study you get feedback in real time on what you missed not to mention reading all of the explanations and clicking the learn more Button as you progress helps to maximize all of your attention on what you're studying and this form of self quisine works wonders for students so then you don't have to waste time copying over studying guides making flash cards and rying too much on your short-term memory and what's really good is unlike other tools Thea study is not going to answer all of your problems for you if you ask its AI to

do so Thea study is not about helping you cheat it's out here to improve your skills so you actually become the best student that you can possibly be Thea study supports almost every single subject from basic biology to algebra to Advanced Medical studies and Niche historical events they also support English to Spanish and English to French to be completely honest I wasn't always an a gr student I really had to completely switch up my entire studying strategy to be able to finish school with Straight A's and I think what really contributed to that was the

amount of practice papers that I was taking and Thea study already knows this because they have a tests feature and this basically means that any student can then take practice timed examinations on their platform to help make sure that you take away any of that exam taking anxiety and you are the most prepared so if you're ready to level up in your academic career then you can join bsud for free via the Link in my description it's available in 80 plus languages so everyone can use it chapter number one signs you are standing in your

own way and committing self-sabotage and you might not even know it number one is your actions don't match your truth AKA you are not where you want to be because every single day you are feeding the life that you don't want most of the time this form of self-sabotage is rooted in a lack of self trust you don't trust that you have the ability to achieve the things that you want to or that they're too hard or too frustrating so so you make the process of it sound exhausting before you even try which ends up

being this vicious cycle of wanting to do things but never quite mustering up the courage to go and do them sign number two is you always avoid the right direction I personally think actively pushing away the things that could help you grow is the biggest form of self-sabotage you were literally cutting off your own Lifeline when you were telling yourself you want to succeed this form of self-sabotage is definitely a difficult one and the reason that we will avoid going to therapy or avoid having the difficult comp conversations that is going to help us develop

as a person is because our subconscious and this is true for literally everyone this is not a you problem is so addicted to and attached to the familiarity of the life that we've had so far that it has difficulty just comprehending trying to be someone else or living a different life there's a lot of fear around that and it just wants things to stay the same all the time and if you don't actively work on shifting your subconscious and visualizing your dream life and really making that your new normal and your new familiarity then your

subconscious is always going to ground you and take you back to where you were before which then manifests as self-sabotaging in your real physical life sign number three you believe everything will fail or everything is hard and nothing comes easy and so that is the result that you keep on receiving this is basically a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure you are manifesting your own struggles because of the way you talk to yourself because of the way that you perceive and think about the world and therefore the energy that you are radiating and giving every single day

this shows up as starting a new project or going out to meet new people and instead in the back of your mind you are thinking what if this goes wrong what if they don't like me what if I fail what if everybody sees me trying and then it doesn't even work or I don't make money doing it you haven't even done the thing yet and you already have so many negative expectations which eventually will be your downfall and while I appreciate a lot of the time we cannot control our first thoughts because it's our subconscious

and it's just natural feelings and emotions that are coming up you can control your second and your third thought you can shift it into something more positive and more abundant to make sure that you are showing up in the right energy in your life to manifest the results that you actually want rather than setting yourself up for failure and lastly sign number four that you are giving some self-sabotage in your own life and need to cut it out is chronic indecision your inability to make decisions can keep you stuck in this toxic cycle of analysis

paralysis and while you are stuck in doing all of this overthinking and every single thing you're going to do in your life somebody else has taken that idea and they are already doing it they are halfway in the process to achieving that thing while you are still thinking about whether you can even do it and it's not your fault you don't know that it's wrong and you don't know that it's holding you back because in your mind it's a form of self- protection you don't want to waste your time you don't want to make the

wrong decision you don't want to go down the wrong path but all of those things you don't want to do are ultimately sabotaging your process because in order to win you need to try and you need to fail and by the way if you're struggling with this I have an entire podcast episode on failure that's really going to help you shift your mindset on this the irony of this type of self-sabotage is that by refusing to make a decision you are making a decision which the decision to not move forward okay enough of making you

feel bad about yourself we are not about that over here so let's move on to chapter number two which is the cause of yourself sabotage because once you identify the cause you can work backwards from it and undo all of that damage to become the best version of yourself now you could say there are so many different causes of self-sabotage perfectionism negative core beliefs insecurities the need for external validation blah blah blah BL we hear all of this information all of the time but I believe there's actually only one cause of self-sabotage which is true

true for everybody and it's the fear of being hurt also known as trigger avoidance when you have a painful memory or wound from when you were younger let's say this painful memory for you is asking for help from other people and the pain around that action was being shut down being made to feel stupid being ignored being betrayed not having trust in anybody that pain will then translate into self-sabotaging as an adult when you then decide you have to do everything by yourself everything falls on your shoulders you cannot trust anybody else to rely on

them and you end up self-sabotaging in this way because your subconscious believes that if you were to display that same action again you will then be shut down in the same way and you will receive the same amount of pain and the same response once again which of course is not true but this is what happens when we're hurt and we have certain traumas and so then because you don't work on the subconscious belief that then translates into you pushing people away and you don't even know why and feeling like you're not good enough another

example of this main cause trigger avoidance as to Wild self-sabotage is let's say you got heartbroken by somebody that you just love and trusted so much that emotional turmoil and the emotional distress that you went through in that situation forces you to protect yourself so you never have to go through it again so your self-sabotage then looks like you putting walls up pushing good people away not being able to be vulnerable having trust issues with almost everybody in your life being overly judgmental to other people to push them away and make excuses as to why

they can't be in your life and why you can't lean on them and all of those beh avors boil down to the action of supporting the core negative belief that Love Hurts love is painful it's not easy you can't have it it always results in pain and that is true for any painful situation that you have been through so then it might be that vulnerability is wrong or I am not academically smart or people don't love me we all have this negative core belief no matter what traumatic situation that we went through which then forms

as self-sabotaging as we grow up it's exactly why whenever you get a good opportunity or find a good person you can't trust it because your subconscious is telling you it's too good to be true there must be something wrong with it this person is out to get you and so now you have to find the flaws in that person or the negative side of that situation to support the limiting beliefs that you've had in your subconscious all throughout your life that leads us onto chapter number three the solutions aka the homework for this video everything

you can do practically and actionably to break out of your self-sabotaging habits step number one is fall in love with your suffering Yes you heard that right because we know that the main cause of self-sabotaging is trying to avoid pain trying to get away from the painful consequences that we lived through when we were younger and then doing the actions to make sure that we don't have to go through it again and so the opposite of that and the solution to overcoming this entire toxic cycle of back and forth is to instead embrace the pain

and I know that might sound really weird and really dumb in your opinion but think about it painful experiences are always catalysts for growth think about it this way the last hard situation that you just got through do you think you 5 years ago would have been able to do that no because all of the knowledge and all of the emotional experience that you have gained through every challenge you've gone through in this life has equipped you to deal with your most recent ones the first time that you went through a friendship breakup or got

betrayed by somebody you then knew what standard to set and what to look out for in all of the friendships that you made a few years later it makes you stronger and wiser it's literally the purpose of life and that leads you to my next point which is that pain gives us so much Clarity and so much information about what we want in our lives if somebody has pushed you away if you have failed academically it helps you regroup your thoughts and think does this matter for me do I want to run ah head first

into this situation again or do I want to direct my attention somewhere else and on this subject of embracing your suffering and falling in love with it I have to talk about the power in being disliked I used to run away from this so much and I used to mirror other people or people please to make sure that people didn't think I was this villain or that they couldn't be friends with me or that they didn't like me or that I was a no I love love being disliked because it directs me to the people

that are actually meant for me I will show up so authentically and so effing cringy because if you dislike me great you are doing me a favor it's that sort of pain that you need to come to terms with and the way that you do it is by growing this Detachment it's about always knowing that everything is going to work out for you it's also about understanding that your past mistakes or whatever you're going through right now does not define you or Define which way your life is going to go and when you think about

it that way of course you're going to put yourself in relationships of course you're going to open yourself up to new experiences no matter how obviously scary they're going to be and of course with every situation comes the possibility of a heartbreak or pain or failure but you know that's just going to help you grow and become a better person it is never something to run away from this links into solution number two which is to surrender control which of course links back into Detachment see self-sabotaging and this entire cycle of supporting your limiting beliefs

is addictive and you like doing it because it gives you a sense of control with every situation you go through if things are always matching these core beliefs that you have about the way that the world works or how people are it allows you to predict how things are going to end but the thing is uncertainty is normal and it's the best part about life because when nothing is uncertain that means everything and anything is possible well yes there's always a side that things can crumble and go badly and fail because it's uncertain there's also

an amazing possibility that things could turn out better than you could have ever imagined and when you finally Master the mindset and the feeling of becoming comfortable with the fact that you will never have all of the answers to everything you are then more likely to have the courage to be able to try new things without falling into this trap of perfectionism or needing to have it all worked out or being stuck in this place of analysis paralysis remember that the most uncertainty is always a step outside of your comfort zone and the second that

you go to that place all you're going to get is confidence and expansion and the final solution for overcoming yourself sabotage is probably my favorite and it's to practice visualization because think about it every single time you self-sabotage you are doing that because before you complete the self-sabotaging action you have imagined oh my God this is going to go really really bad or oh my God this person is going to break my heart and you are seeing this negative consequence play out in your mind which then motivates you to then push it away or do

the thing that's not actually serving you so what if we replace that with you cutting out that first initial scary feeling or thought and building on those second and third thoughts that can actually benefit us which is then VIs visualizing this is going to go better than I could have ever imagined everything is always working out for me in my favor visualization literally helps you rewire your brain to only see the positive outcomes and I have always said that visualization is something that I practice every single day I kid you not guys it's in my

morning routine it's in my daily to-do list I will not let a day go by where I do not practice visualization because it's such a powerful tool that has contributed to so much of My Success and helped me overcome my number one obstacle and my number one self-sabotage when I was first starting out on social media which was self-doubt which HED me back so many times but when I started visualizing things going my way and me actually succeeding and me not needing to doubt myself but being the most confident version of myself it gave me

the confidence and courage to actually Chase my goals to actually give it everything that I got because I could already see it being a reality in my head and so I could not recommend but practice that even if it's for 60 seconds every single day and that brings us to the end of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it this has been a requested video for so long and I've always looked forward to filming it here so please comment down below and let me know what your favorite part of this video was or if

you're going to take something from it or most importantly which solution SL homework you are going to start practicing from this because I would love to know don't forget that my new book bios of the dam flowers which is available on Amazon also has homeworks after every single chapter in the book like multiple homeworks to make sure that you are being accountable on your journey and actually making significant effective progress so I highly recommend you check it out and if you're still watching comment the word blueberry down below in the comment section to confuse everybody

else that didn't get to this part of the video I appreciate you so much and I will see you same time next week on Friday for a brand new video bye [Music]