How women TRAIN men to be ANGRY: don't reward what you don't want

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is how women train men to be angry this is something that many women do and that many women do inadvertently and this of course is to be expected as few women prefer to be in the presence of male anger in fact most find male anger terrifying which makes their contribution to this process all the more tragic and ironic and this is not to say that men don't have their share of responsibility in this after all they inadvertently

allow themselves to be trained in this way however if women can come to appreciate how they may be perversely incentivizing male anger it will go a long way toward reducing unnecessary relationship conflict to explain how this process occurs I'm going to begin by sharing an anecdote from my own life now I am by no means a perfect person however all other things being equal I'm a fairly patient guy in the last 10 years I can count the number of times I've raised my voice on one hand and all of those times have been associated with

two specific women I was in a long-term relationship with one of these women many years ago and I remember having a lot of trouble getting through to her and this was really puzzling to me because I know that I'm actually an exceptional Communicator I'm articulate and precise in my words and I have good command of tone and expression to clearly indicate my emotion in general I don't have a problem transmitting my message to my intended audience however when I brought certain issues to her attention for whatever reason my words just didn't seem to penetrate her

understanding in the moment it would seem as though she understood however when the conversation was over she'd just go back to doing whatever it was that she was doing before as if the discussion had never happened and in the beginning I just assumed that this was my fault that I hadn't yet used the right words to represent how important this was to me or how disrespectful and hurtful her behavior was I assumed that if she understood this she would have to change her behavior and the fact that she hadn't changed her behavior was proof that

she hadn't yet understood therefore the solution was to try again and to communicate more clearly and effectively than before and I did try again many many many many times not only that I used all the various communication strategies and psychological tactics I had at my disposal to get my point across and none of them worked I was calm I was patient I sought to understand rather than be understood I tried everything I could to let her know that her behavior was problematic and that I wanted it to stop all to know aail until one day

after scores of unsuccessful attempts to get through to her I had had it I snapped I lost my temper and I yelled and screamed at her and guess what happened for the first time ever in the history of that relationship ship she apparently heard what I said and she changed her behavior and it was at this point that I realized that I had to take myself out of that relationship which I subsequently did why because if the only way I could be heard in my relationship was by raising my voice and becoming increasingly aggressive then

I would be molded into an angry aggressive man over time neither one of us would have wanted that outcome but that's what would have happened if nothing changed that relationship was headed to a very dark place as I would have functionally had to choose between being angry and being ignored women you have to understand that the vast majority of men don't escalate to anger immediately and you should just leave any man who does rather the vast majority of men will try to communicate with their women many many many times in different ways using different strategies

before resorting to anger and this is how women inadvertently train their men to be angry By ignoring disrespecting or invalidating them when they attempt to communicate non- aggressively and as should be abundantly obvious this is very very stupid now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow and if you want to donate to the mission of this channel you can go to my website and

tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this episode using the venmo link provided I'm doing it this way so I can get more of that donation without giving YouTube a cut uh I really appreciate your support you make all of this happen thank you very much now if a man for whatever reason can't seem to get through to his woman about something important to him if he remains unheard time and time again then there are really only three things that can happen the first thing that can happen is that the

man will escalate to anger and aggression For Better or Worse most men are going to attempt this strategy first before moving on to one of the two remaining options in general when people don't feel heard they get louder this is often counterproductive especially in intersexual relationships however it is one of the remaining options when reason and understanding fail and just to be clear this isn't always a bad thing after all men are socially expected to be protectors and they are encouraged to fight for the things that matter to them typically one of the things that

matters to men are their primary relationships now when the security of that relationship is threatened by say a home Invader few women would have a problem with their men fighting to defend their relationships however when it is a woman's behavior that threatens the security of the relationship then men are placed in a double bind they feel pulled to protect the relationship but doing so functionally means they end up fighting the woman who constitutes that relationship if they don't fight they lose if they do fight they lose this is unwise women it is not wise to

put men in double binds unnecessarily and this is because after most men escalate to anger and aggression and find it to be counterproductive they are left with only two real courses of action either the man collapses internally in order to protect himself from the pain associated with his continued invalidation becoming over time a shell of his former self or he leaves that's it those are the only options a man has when dealing with a woman who won't listen to him he will either escalate collapse or leave there are no other options now women does this

mean that you simply have to cater to men's every desire absolutely not however it does mean that it's in your best interests either to rectify problematic Behavior as quickly as possible or or to find ways to ensure that you disagree with your man in a way that does not leave him feeling invalidated or disrespected in general you should take respectful requests from the men in your life seriously because they may not remain patient and respectful indefinitely and you wouldn't expect them to remain indefinitely patient and respectful if they were dealing with anyone else who was

threatening your relationship failure to do this functionally ensures that you will experience more and more conflict in your relationship until you end up either a with the defeated shell of your man's former self or B alone and how do either one of these outcomes serve you and just for the record just like I encouraged you to Simply leave any man who immediately escalates to anger I encourage every man I work with to Simply leave any woman who refuses to respect his boundaries or listen to his reasonable requests fighting with a woman isn't worth it for

a man because there's no way he can win and staying in a relationship until he is a husk of his former self is an even more devastating outcome this means the best possible move when dealing with such women is for men to exit as quickly and graciously as possible I've since learned my lesson and you can too what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider

becoming a channel member with perks like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening