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my daughter banned me from her wedding so I secretly canceled the whole thing I paid for it's absolutely true that no one can harm you more than your own children my circumstances are identical Ava my 27-year-old daughter forbade me from going to her wedding for the past week I've been drinking and pouting her wedding which I financed was scheduled for yesterday yes it was a wedding present that I was paying for Ava was a challenging youngster when she told me about her wedding preparations I was relieved that she was finally getting married to someone she

loved because I had a lot of nightmares while raising her I helped since she and her fiance were struggling financially and couldn't plan a good wedding what do I receive in exchange I was not allowed to go the devastation is beyond words I added my brother to the guest list by calling the wedding planner a few days ago the guest list was full he claimed to see if we could arrange anything I requested him to email me the whole guest list he said that Ava had told him to keep the guest list private I informed

him that since I was her father and the one covering the wedding expenses they had best follow my instructions despite his reluctance he sent me the list when I threatened to call his boss my heart sank when I saw that I wasn't on it with my wife since neither my wife's nor my name was listed I called the wedding coordinator once more and insisted there must have been an error he clarified that he had been expressly instructed not to mention our names until he shared the email exchange between him and Ava I couldn't believe it

they were told to prevent us from entering the venue which made the situation worse how devastating must that have been although I was aware of my daughter's animosity toward me I never would have guessed that it would reach a level where she would not let me attend her wedding she was at her bachelorette party that day so when I frantically called her her phone was on voicemail she didn't call that day or the following despite my message requesting her to do so I arrived at her flat where she and her fiance were residing on the

third day right before the wedding she said that she was too busy getting ready for her wedding to meet with me she was avoiding me since by that point The Wedding Planner had informed her that I was aware of the guest list I went there to ask her a question but her demeanor simply made me more irate I informed her that I was aware that she had prevented me from going to the wedding well good for you was her response traveling to the location saved you time and effort if I have time I will forward

the wedding photos I went utterly insane this was all there was no explanation no regret no apology her cruelty made me cry tears filled my eyes as I questioned what I had done wrong to Merit this she said that I had always mistreated her first by slapping a stepmother in her face and then by siding with other people even when she was at fault she wanted me to stand up for her without reservation when she harassed my sister's daughter how could I stand up for her when she was discovered using pills in class I did

defend her and prevented her from getting expelled I helped her get into college but she decided to remain unappreciative in spite of everything I accomplished she accused me of generating negativity in her home when she noticed me crying I reminded her that her wedding was being paid for by me she became hostile and claimed that I owed her this and that I wasn't doing her any favors I went crazy and told her that I owed her nothing this wedding was a favor and I had done more than enough she said she didn't have time for

my emotional drama and asked me to go when I got home I sobbed uncontrollably in front of my wife Mercy who is aa's stepmother Mercy is a good-hearted and forgiving lady yet she became enraged for the first time when she witnessed me cry she urged me to do something about Ava we must stop Ava from feeling entitled to harm us she continued up until a year ago when she eventually found a respectable job Ava had been surviving off of my money she didn't have any money saved for her wedding because of this I'd had enough

I made the decision to discipline her I called off all of the wedding plans I didn't care that I hardly received any money back from the advance payments I wanted to cancel The Wedding Planner as well as the wedding location but I knew that would notify Ava who could then make other arrangements I intended to spoil her special day I allowed her to keep her dress since she already had it all of this made me feel bad but after giving it some thought I knew I had done more than enough for her why should I

feel bad about interrupting her wedding if she didn't when the wedding coordinator and the Caterers and decorators showed up at the location on the wedding day they were turned away when the security showed them the cancellation email it sparked a flurry of activity when the wedding planner called to ask for the last payment I informed them that I was no longer concerned and that they could speak with Ava about it they informed me that when the venue guards denied Ava access she got into a fight with them her fiance saved her just in time after

she nearly got arrested for trespassing I had blocked her number when she attempted to contact me I had denied her entry to the main gate when she arrived at my property I desired Tranquility but I wasn't scared of her talking was pointless since like she did when I visited her home her comments would just make me feel worse she needed to take responsibility for her conduct she could no longer be repeatedly forgiven as a child Ava just wanted her friends to attend her wedding not family I honored her decision fortunately she had to deal with

her friends about the wedding cancellation so I didn't have to tell them my parents were the only ones who weren't thrilled with what I accomplished they said that regardless of how terrible our kids are to us we should never treat them cruy informed them that Ava was the cause of this all her life she had been cruel and egotistical no matter how hard I try to defend what I did the guilt Still Remains I pretend to be brave but I secretly regret calling off my own daughter's wedding my heart has been relieved by writing this

down even if I have no idea why I'm here update one I appreciate all of your moral support I didn't think my acts would be praised by others I was afraid I would be considered a fool for taking such a harsh stance against my own daughter a few of you inquired as to Ava's history of animosity toward us I apologize for missing that previously here are the specifics I had no idea how this format operated my second wife is Mercy a 45-year-old woman my kid from my first marriage is named Ava when Ava was 7

years old I divorced her mother my first wife Ava's mother left me for him after finding someone else I was granted custody of Ava because they were leaving for Europe and didn't want her when Ava was 13 I remarried mercy and ever since mercy and I have had to deal with Ava's anger Mercy is the object of her intense hatred when she was a teenager it made sense it must have been difficult to watch someone take her mother's Place Mercy a certified children's counselor and teacher reassured me that Ava would be all right as an

adult she thought Ava would view me as more than simply her father she would see me as a person in need of a companion 5 years after the divorce I got married in the hopes that Ava would value the fact that I had raised her by myself over those 5 years Ava was disliked by both her mother and her new spouse regretfully Ava showed absolutely no gratitude rather Ava became increasingly hostile toward mercy and me in the hopes that Ava would find friendship there I had to send her to live with my sister who had

a daughter of the same age because things had gotten so horrible after a few months of smooth sailing my sister gave up less than a year later since it was their last year of school my sister didn't want her daughter's grades to suffer as a result of the petty arguments that Ava and her daughter had she informed me I had to return Ava as a result Ava lived with us until she graduated from high school although she would spend her breaks with my parents she eventually declared that she would complete her high school education while

residing with them and refused to return home I made arrangements for car pooling because my parents residence was far from her school as long as she was content and peaceful that Arrangement lasted but her High School grades were terrible when they were released at that point I discovered that she had joined the wrong crowd students who were doing drugs she wanted to live with my parents because she had a nasty boyfriend after they went to bed she would slip out and tour the city until after midnight her senior year of high school had to be

repeated another nightmare was getting her through college she wouldn't have been accepted any place else due to her bad grades and depressing attitude so thank God I had some contacts who helped her get a spot at a respectable college she once again surrounded herself with the wrong crowd and used drugs while she was a college student she had to go to rehab because things got so out of hand she finally graduated at age 25 but she had a relapse the year after so I had to send her back to treatment for a few months she

truly has been a pain in the butt so calling her such wouldn't be impolite she has continuously caused me distress embarrassment and misery I'm so grateful for Mercy my understanding wife she could have talked me out of leaving Ava if she had been any other lady but instead she was the one who continually urged me to wait Mercy has given given so much of herself for Ava and me and I'm so grateful for it the fact that I got married again and mercy even more so seems to be Ava's biggest grievance Mercy isn't Native American

you see the Middle East was the birthplace of her family her parents who were immigrants in the United States were unable to support their five children so she grew up in an NGO they came to the United States with nothing after fleeing a war torn area I was drawn to Mercy for that reason despite having a difficult upbringing and little money she persevered obtained a master's degree found a lucrative teaching position and established a successful life for herself despite being a self-made woman Ava refers to her as a gold digger yes we have some generational

riches because my family has had a successful export company for two generations since this is my second marriage and her first Ava thinks Mercy married me for financial gain Ava argues that if it weren't for financial gain Mercy wouldn't have married a single father who was 12 years her senior Mercy is 4 5 and I'm 57 I don't know who gave Ava these thoughts but that's why she called Mercy a gold digger a few of you also inquired as to whether Ava's mother had anything to do with this in actuality she hasn't gotten in touch

with either Ava or myself since our divorce all I know is that she was in Germany when I last heard from her regarding the present circumstance Ava attempted to vent her rage by contacting me after I called off her wedding but I prohibited her from doing so on any platform when I called off the wedding my parents were upset set and offered to cover the costs if Ava wanted to reschedule however Ava betrayed them saying they were supporting me using harsh language she even threw them out of her house and told them not to come

again although her teacher who also happened to attend the same gym as me was the one who discovered her High School substance use she blames them for it following this my parents had a change of heart and accepted my decision to call off the wedding I can't give Ava the right to take advantage of and harm us whatever she pleases I still haven't heard from her so so I have no idea what she's up to 10 days after her alleged wedding day my parents paid her a visit 2 days ago they are still not married

they're probably arranging a new date or simply haven't followed through oh and I blocked the credit card I was using to make the purchase she still had access to it but she hadn't used it much since Landing her job she will probably be upset by this but I don't care anymore I don't feel guilty now that I know how she treated my parents they have always cherished and protected her and they are in their late 7s it was right to cut Ava off update to hello everyone although it has been more than a year since

I last updated this topic I have remained in close contact with all of the people who PMD me or left comments on the post a few weeks later I learned that Ava had married her fiance in a secret ceremony attended only by their closest friends I wished her luck in life and was pleased for her I had no social media connection to her so I had no idea what was going on in her life my niece informed me that Ava had changed her face Facebook status to reflect her and her husband's move to a nearby

City before I received a call from an unknown number a week ago everything in my life was going according to plan it was Matt aa's husband I was anxious fearing that she might have suffered some sort of mishap she wanted to meet me in person which surprised me but he reassured me that she was okay he claimed he would explain when we met when I asked why he proposed getting together for supper and said he was in town in my heart I hop that this would be an opportunity to make a mens with Ava I

believed that Matt was serving as a goet and that she might be too embarrassed to approach me I went to see him with Great Expectations but to my disappointment Matt arrived by himself he said he had no idea where Ava was when I inquired about her with a sinking heart I inquired as to her whereabouts then he disclosed that they were no longer together according to Matt Ava had a history of abuse during their marriage and had a serious problem with anger management even over small disagreements she would hurl objects and smash household objects for

as long as he could he put up with it but eventually it got to be too much and they split up Matt continued by saying that Ava had psychological problems and attributed any problems she encountered to other people because they had relocated to a new city for his work she and he had many arguments Ava was angry at him for removing her from her hometown even though she had secured a comparable well-paying position there that was only one of their numerous problems Matt stated he wanted to apologize face to face he acknowledged that he had

seen Ava treat me mercy and my parents cruy but he chose not to step in since Ava had used him against us all he felt bad for ignoring the warning signs and causing himself suffering I informed him that Ava was to blame and that he was not I held myself partially responsible for not raising her well I also expressed my regret to him for what he had endured with Ava then Matt asked me to do him a favor he claimed that Ava was pleading with him to take her back since she had been upset by

the breakup but After experiencing her mistreat he had lost interest in her he nevertheless sent her warm wishes and asked if I could help her during this trying period because of her rage Ava had lost all of her true friends and Matt felt I could help her by taking her to therapy I informed him that although I hoped I could Ava would not allow me to be close to her he got it and we both said we wanted to help Ava if she would let us I made the decision to go see Ava after that

talk unfortunately things didn't work out as planned she attacked mercy and me but I had come by myself so Mercy wouldn't see gavea anger in an attempt to soothe her I apologized right or wrong didn't matter to me at the time I just wanted to assist her I advised her to see a therapist first but otherwise she could say anything she wanted about me Ava brought up the past without listening she screamed that she wanted to kill Mercy because she detested her so much she acknowledged that she was embarrassed by our marriage and embarrassed to

introduce Mercy as her stepmother which is why she had barred us from attending her wedding she threw me out of the house when I tried to talk sense into her accusing me of being the cause of all her issues to be honest I don't care anymore and I'm not sure if I was correct or not I don't know how to help her but all I want is for her to recover update three I appreciate all of your moral support when I created the last update I was pretty upset and this place has truly helped me

relax Mercy advised me to get in touch with Ava's School closest buddy we knew each other well because her family lived next door I messaged her on social media to explain the situation because she now resides in South Africa since she was the only person Ava had never battled with I requested her to get in touch with Ava in the hopes that she could get through to her her buddy promised to assist and happily she did Ava committed to therapy and I think it's going well because she came to see my parents a week ago

and expressed regret for her actions she acknowledged that she was no longer able to contain her hatred because it had become so strong she still holds me responsible for everything though and stated that she would never forgive me I no longer Harbor any animosity toward her even though I'm not involved I simply hope she has a happy life I appreciate your support everyone I sincerely hope that no father ever has to deal with their own child's intense hatred I sincerely appreciate you staying until the very end please remember to like share and subscribe if you

truly enjoy our videos enjoy your wonderful day my sister can't have kids and now my brother-in-law is stalking me because I refuse to be a surrogate to have a child with their DNA my my sister is identical to me 30f for the purposes of this narrative we will refer to her as Stacy Our Father reared us after our mother tragically died during childbirth I've been seeing Mike for the past 3 years while Stacy has been married to Jeff for eight years my sister's desire to become a mother is something I've always known about her she

was constantly coming up with ideas for weddings Nursery themes baby names Etc even when we were kids I was always more interested in reading and enjoying yourself I'm currently working as a flight attendant and trying to have my writing published my sister has never held a job to be honest we enrolled in college right away after high school after graduating from college she became a stay-at-home girlfriend to her fiance whom she eventually married I've been aware for some time that my sister has been making fruitless attempts to conceive despite spending thousands of dollars on IVF

and pretty much everything they could try because she wanted to experience pregnancy she has had one miscarriage and has not been able to conceive again they have begun to talk about other choices after 5 years of failure my sister is Keen about having a child that has both of their DNA her words not mine and is not interested in adoption she visited my place around 3 weeks ago and we were simply chatting and watching asterisk Modern Family asterisk as normal she told me she needed to ask me an important question while she still had the

courage she asked if I could be her surrogate which made me nervous after a moment of inaction I asked her what she meant she said that she needed needed me to be her surrogate since I understood what a surrogacy meant she was aware I said that I had no desire to have children I'll be honest and say that I have never found the idea of having children appealing in any way however this may be because of how we were born I informed her that although I could not bear her child I would have no problem

giving her my eggs no matter how many she needed she was Furious when she heard that she was screaming that it's clear how envious and spiteful I am because this is a simple work her cheeks flushed she had always mentioned having more than four children but I didn't want to bring it up would I be expected to do this each and every time I'm beginning to feel terrible and I'm not sure in the end she told me that I could never be her sister if I couldn't do this one thing for her she rushed out

after smashing a photo of us that I had on my mantle since then she has only sent me images of her vision boards and Diaries from when we were children claiming that I'm preventing her from starting a family pointlessly and that I should see the wider picture because it's such a sensitive topic my boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable trying to influence me in either direction and won't give me advice claiming that it belongs to my sister sincerely this is the longest period of time I have ever gone without speaking to my sister and I'm so close

to caving in is it incorrect of me to refuse to act as my sister surrogate asterisk asterisk edit asterisk asterisk as I read over all of the comments I would like to express my gratitude knowing that I am not the villain makes me feel so much better but I would be lying if I claim that I am not inclined to just do it I can't articulate how much this distance from my sister makes me feel but I see too many questions that I want to respond to in the hopes of receiving other answers asterisk asterisk

money asterisk asterisk my mother's death was caused by a provider error rather than natural causes my sister and I don't have to worry about money because we have substantial trust from the money my father used to fight the hospital not working for 9 months or having to pay for the egg retrieval procedure Etc is not a problem at all because her spouse is also financially secure the fact that the baby shares our DNA and that one of us is carrying it because we are identical is more a result of her stubbornness how can I conceive

if she can we were involved in an automobile accident that prevented her from becoming pregnant and caused her to miscarry she and our father receiv received the brunt of the Collision because they were in the front seat she has experienced severe difficulties with egg retrieval and regrettably her body is no longer capable of bearing a kid I don't know exactly how that went wrong but I do know that it isn't working and isn't an option getting her to talk about non-viable choices so I can better grasp them is difficult I don't have a child so

doctors won't let me be a surrogate I greatly appreciate your knowledge we always watch football with our dads and significant others so this Thursday we're having a family supper if she chooses to go this subject will undoubtedly come up update 1 2 days later I promise to give you an update tomorrow but last night while I was hanging out my dad called and invited me over for supper so we could could talk I want to start by expressing my gratitude for all of the advice and comments not only were some of you rude to me

but also to my sister and boyfriend I still value the assistance when my dad called I assumed he had spoken to Stacy so I didn't even inquire what it was about I know you guys won't be pleased based on the responses but I asked my partner where he thought he would be if I went forward with it he assured me that he loved me and would be there for me no matter what but he would not stand by and watch while my sister treated me like garbage if I was acting in this way under duress

I genuinely fully understand his statement that he wouldn't be able to support me my sister and brother-in-law were already at my dads when we arrived for dinner when we walked in I spoke to both of them but only my sister answered my brother-in-law met my partner alone and gave me the most repulsive look there was an uneasy Stillness and tension that might have been sliced with a butcher knife when my dad seated us down at the table somebody talk he said this has to be fixed before tomorrow night's game my dad is a huge football

fan haha I began by informing her that I had done some research and that in addition to my original worries I now had a few more and needed to know precisely what she needed from me I started by asking her what it would be like to be a surrogate are you agreeing to it she said she started crying when I informed her that I simply wanted more information considering that I have never successfully carried a kid to term I asked her if she was aware that a doctor might reject me as a surrogate she claimed

to be aware of this and to have simply sent my brother-in-law and and I to a center of excellence so we could act like a couple after my successful insemination I would ask that provider to transfer me to her OBGYN so that I could continue receiving care my father stepped in and told me that it was a bad idea to try to become a mother by asking me to do something that a doctor wouldn't approve he didn't want to take sides but it was clear that he didn't agree with any of it dot my brother-in-law

interrupted him by saying don't try to berate my wife with these stupid questions after he asked her why she felt so uneasy about the thought of a surrogate discuss with your self-centered daughter the reasons for her inability to assist her sister that changed the atmosphere right away when my partner called me a be Asos sketch he began to yell at me my father told him that he was not allowed to treat his daughters disrespectfully in his house everything simply caught fire my sister was sobbing and pleading with me to do her this favor I was

afraid and didn't want to die so I told her that I would switch places with her if we could that was probably the first time I had ever spoken that out after that we were unable to settle any further issues my brother-in-law lost his temper and refused to apologize so my dad asked him to leave as he was leaving my sister invited me to come chat to her alone on the porch and told him she would meet him in the car she said she was simply on edge and it had been hectic and she apologized

for her husband calling me a b asterisk titch when we went out I told her that we needed to work things out and that she shouldn't apologize for him you don't get it you don't understand she said repeatedly as she urged me to think again she told me me that her in-laws had cruy joked at one of their recent dinners that she was a murderer referring to the kid she lost when I pushed her for further information she claimed that when she questioned her husband about why he didn't defend her during the joke he responded

that it was true he made strange remarks about how he was eager to see their child's appearance and that she couldn't make up for it she suggested that I carry the child and he was completely on board with the idea since he claimed he would never be able to look into a child and see pieces of both of them she thought it was her idea but the way she stated it it sounded like he sewed the seed she stated she only wanted my assistance to get things back to normal because she hadn't seen him so

enthusiastic since the baby I tried to tell her that what she was attempting to accomplish was incorrect and that nothing would ever be normal again she replied she would call me later but he began honking the horn and hurried her to the car I am not even willing to donate my eggs so that she might have a child with him even though I feel like I might lose my sister I looked into the egg donation procedure as you suggested and wow it was quite different from what I had anticip ated her divorcing him is what

I want I will never assist her in having children with that man I honestly believe that before I ever let her implant his child in me or use my eggs to even conceive a child with him I would serve as a surrogate for her to become a single mother I was unaware of how much shame his family was forcing on her every time my phone rings I literally jump at it because I know she will be calling soon and I will have to let her know I can't and won't do this even though I'm afraid

I'll lose my sister I appreciate all of your help help but I probably won't update anymore update to one week later although I know I promised to stop updating a lot has happened and I can't even begin to describe the strange sense of comfort I get from writing my Insanity on this page many of you advised me to use greater caution around my brother-in-law out of concern that he would turn violent I'm kicking myself now for not paying attention I believe this to be a minor setback and that I knew my family well enough how

incredibly gullible of me the day after he called a b asterisk my sister called me back the next morning but I was in the shower and missed the call there was no answer when I called back before we arrived at my father's place that evening for football the day was typical my sister had just in after kickoff my dad was asked to step outside and speak with her spouse since the game was on and he had the option of waiting until the commercial break or coming in and apologizing like a man in front of everyone

who saw him treat me disrespectfully my dad said no she inhaled and pointed out that he wasn't being entirely honest my father became enraged when she attempted to make similarities to a past circumstance he apologized for failing her as a father and assured her that he didn't train her to be weak and insignificant for a man he also added that whatever he did Led her to believe that this was the way to have a healthy relationship without saying another word she simply rushed out as her eyes began to water after the game I had a

smashed front passenger window and two flat tires when I went outside to my car after putting two extra tires on the automobile and towing it into his garage with his truck my dad instructed me to take his second car don't worry he replied he would fix the car and I could come retrieve it whenever I had time I said no when he asked if I wanted to spend the night my sister didn't pick up when I called her I can't believe this is where we are I texted her adding a few more words to keep

some of it hidden it should never be necessary to destroy your family in order to love a man that's the problem she said in response you refus to assist me in rebuilding my family which has already been ruined after that I tried phoning her again but she didn't pick up I saw a car following me on the way home upon gaining a clearer perspective I recognized the vehicle as belonging to my sister's mother-in-law she has an extremely unique car decal that I have never seen anywhere else which is the only reason I knew this in

a panic I called my boyfriend and asked him to come back to my house the automobile came up behind me as I pulled into my driveway fortunately by the time my brother-in-law exited his mother's car and and attempted to approach me my partner was turning down the street my boyfriend was shouting at him as he ran out of his car Jeff began shouting right away I simply wanted to apologize I only wanted to say I'm sorry after a brief altercation with my boyfriend Jeff returned to his mother's vehicle and drove away although it didn't seem

deliberate he did collide with my boyfriend's car throughout the process and it is still operable I must admit that after this I no longer felt quite at home I haven't actually been home since I packed my bags and left for my boy boyfriend's house even though I know I will eventually have to return I'm not entirely sure I want to even if my dad installed a camera and flood lights to the driveway and back door yes I did contact my sister but neither that evening nor the next day did she reply in any way then

I began to see a black automobile following me one day and a red one the next I know you could say I was frightened and only dreaming but I would see them begin to follow until I drove in the direction of the police station as instructed by my dad and then they would stop as soon as they saw the station I joined a few Pals for breakfast on Sunday to celebrate a friend's impending nuptials and talk about the specifics of the bridal shower the waiter approached me and informed me that there was an emergency and

that my spouse was UPF front I walked up to see my brother-in-law assuming it was my boyfriend and she was just misinformed in an attempt to avoid creating a commotion I walked up to him spoke softly and told him to go or I would contact my father he informed me that he just wanted to apologize because everything had just gotten out of hand it was odd since we were sort of in the doorway and people were rushing in and saying excuse me I therefore proposed that we move outside to clear the area he stated he

didn't mean to call me a be asterisk ditch and apologized when we got outside I interrupted him when he said that I didn't understand how difficult it was for him stating that I didn't care since his actions were getting too aggressive and disorderly not only toward my sister but toward everyone else as well he begged me to think again but he acknowledged that he could understand how I could feel that way I immediately retreated and urged him to go as he reached for my stomach I mentioned that my dad's stalking was a problem and that

we could arrange a time to speak or I would call the police he grabbed a handful of my hair as I was making my way back inside the restaurant and said don't you effing walk away from me after that I honestly don't recall much because everything happened so fast and several onlookers became involved although he ultimately ran away before the police could reach him a report was made similar to what happened at the restaurant he attempted to approach my airport turn teral 2 days earlier claiming to be my spouse and informing them of an emergency

he refused to leave and was taken into custody naturally he received bail and has since started sending me the most disgusting messages after the performance he gave at my employment my sister did leave him she has been pleading with me to drop the charges using her current residence with our father as justification despite my actual scalp bleeding from the force with which he pulled my hair and the minor scratches on my arms and neck from when he continued to act aggressively when strangers attempted to she has been certain that he did not hit me at

the restaurant in some of the texts he sends me he describes the horrible things he will do to me such as how he will get me pregnant and keep me with him forever how he knows I am the woman who will give birth to his kid and how if I don't make things easy for him we will both pass away before he quits up just some extremely alarming things all of these are coming from different texting applications because I banned his number when I told the police they indicated that nothing could be done until he

took action because there was no way to verify that it was him I literally live in constant fear in addition to the usual safety measures I take I'm taking even more care now that my boyfriend takes me to work I have trouble falling asleep my sister has stopped communicating with me and I send her a screenshot each time her husband messages me my dad has urged me to stop because it's hurting her but I told him that she needed to understand the abuse her husband is causing and that I couldn't believe she stood up for

him during some of this I feel like I've lost my sister and I may not even be able to recover C from this I feel awful because I feel like I've essentially taken over my boyfriend's life he hasn't mentioned it but because I'm afraid he occasionally has to cut short his usual gym sessions if he needs to pick me up or leave me off when I have to go somewhere else or work he can do more of his routine when he's gone for a day because of flights but we're essentially compelled to live together now

I like it but I don't know if he does I can't breathe and I feel like my life is slowly spiraling into lunacy because of the dispute we had the other day about the AC temperature update three one week later hello my brother-in-law is currently stalking me but I'm not sure where to begin he wants me to have his child but I don't want to delve into the specifics regretfully The Narrative only becomes more disorganized the police said that the text coming in from unknown numbers couldn't be linked to him so I unblocked him after

others advised me to do so he has messaged me a few times from his real number stating that we need to speak and reach a consensus naturally I haven't participated the disgusting texts from odd numbers have persisted I always feel like someone is following me but I can't be sure I feel like a blue car is following me when I go to Duncan for coffee I've really taken a leave of absence from work because I've reached this point I've moved in with my now fiance and entirely abandoned my apartment he was there when I went

grocery shopping a few days ago his hand rubbed my back as he came up behind me I yelled and leaped to get his attention and he feigned Confusion by raising his hands and saying I'm sorry I'll leave you alone I'm sorry the witnesses essentially accepted his apologies on my behalf and sent him on his way because he appeared so sincere I was literally unable to breathe speak or even form words other than someone help I was so powerless my apartment was broken into and left in ruins the next day I received a strange number the

next day with the warning it'll only get worse I'm afraid right now my sister lives with my dad and she is certain that it isn't her husband he's been in contact with her regarding obtaining a fresh perspective and leaving the state because he feels like he's been unhinged and needs to re-enter she said adding that things went too far I am at a loss as to how to persuade her that he is lying it appears that the cops won't assist him because he hasn't done anything wrong for anything to happen I feel like I need

to die or have him seriously damage me help me please since I'm in the United States right now I would appreciate it if you could let me know about any laws that would be of assistance or encourage the police to be more help helpful I'm having trouble falling asleep and I'm getting to the point where I don't want to leave my apartment help me please update 4 even though this has been completely crazy Reddit will always hold a special place in my heart I will make this as brief as possible my partner questioned me why

I was looking at Flats once he learned that I was going to rent one for a short time like a fool he proposed to me right away after I informed him that I thought he needed his space back I'm actually engaged right now taking over his flat has made me feel much better haha I explained that my brother-in-law was getting out of hand in a post in the advice subreddit he came up to me at a grocery store and I didn't do well defending myself there it wasn't my best moment he shattered a few items

in my kitchen damaged my bedroom and broke into my house he is aware of my passion for my espresso machine and mugs yes cameras were later placed but I wasn't present during my leave of absence I essentially kept hidden away in my fiance's apartment before I received a surprise call my sister had been ignoring my texts and not interacting with me she was crying on the phone when I answered I thought something had happened to our dad so I asked her what was wrong she clarified that she knew her husband was following me because she

had been monitoring him she claimed that she was telling me because she had gone to the police who had informed her that they would send someone to speak with me we spent 5 hours on the phone my light bulb went off after the hair pulling incident and I went into investigative mode she explained she claimed that she chose to call the police because she was worried about my safety at at that point she expressed regret for putting me under so much stress although she would want to put all the blame on her spouse she admitted

that a small part of her was astonished when I said no she clarified that she doesn't care about the DNA issue my brother-in-law was the one who demanded it all she wanted was for her family to be whole she will be temporarily living with me at my house until the divorce is finalized and everything is calmed down they have a prenuptual agreement so it shouldn't be too difficult but I'm sure he won't make the divorce simple a side note when my father slipped and revealed that my sister's husband had broken into my house I did

learn of it it seems like she kept the knowledge because she needed to make a decision he claimed that after she told him he told her she had no other option and forced her to leave right away it seems that she didn't fight very hard I'm not really sure how I feel about this but my dad stated that he believes she only needed someone to say it to her in order for her to understand I'm glad she ultimately made the right choice the following day the cops arrived at my fiance's flat after I gave my

statement they told me that they wanted to have an agent drive an unmarked car around me for a day and that he would be arrested if he followed me they said that it would happen right away and that I shouldn't Panic if I thought I was being followed but they didn't tell me which automobile was after me in essence he was apprehended just 2 hours after I left my fiance's residence he was stopped and taken into custody as we drew into the third place where we went on a date that night at the restaurant I

had more Margaritas than I should have I was informed by the detective that I will receive receive a call from the DA's office which I believe will happen tomorrow given the way things have gone I honestly don't think they'll hold him to much but I do hope that since they have his phone they will be able to physically verify that he was texting me which will increase the severity of his sentence this week I have my first flight back to work and I can't wait to resume my regularly planned routine I had the opportunity to

watch the Fantastic football games today with my sister dad and fiance I sincerely hope I never need to edit this again many thanks to all of you dad wants me back to avoid my grandpa's Financial penalty after kicking me out and lying about the rent at the age of 14 I f-21 lost my mother I was 17 when my dad got married again in addition to my Stepmother's daughter F15 they also had a boy M3 and a tiny girl recently I've been working since I was 16 in order to save money for personal purchases when

I turned 18 my father told me that although he would still pay for food and other necessities I was now an adult and should begin paying a symbolic $500 in rent we argued and I was unhappy but in the end I accepted this agreement dad told me 7 months ago that I had two months to leave because stepmom was expecting a kid and they would need my room considering that they both have private offices and that stepmom hasn't had a job since the birth of my baby brother this was odd they insisted that I move

out though to be clear there isn't much drama or conflict between stepmom and me who knows but I don't believe this was an evil stepmom act I'm actually pretty close to my step sister I support her with her schoolwork and help her work through her personal issues I adore her to recap I was at a loss for what to do I can't afford to live alone because I work part-time and attend college to study civil engineering in order to find a solution I called my aunt and asked if I might stay with her for a

while offering to pay the rent she said I could live with her for free because she was surprised by what my dad was doing but she also promised to speak with my dad when Grandpa visited our home the following day he and dad had a private discussion although I couldn't hear the words I did hear dad's irate voice Grandpa eventually arrived at my room and gave me three options first I could stay with dad and stepmom without paying rent secondly I could live with my aunt or with grandpa and grandma third Grandpa would pay my

rent and other bills while I found a place of my own he said I could stay with Dad if I wanted to and that I didn't have to make a decision right away at first first I was happy that I could stay since I believed that everything had been settled however dad and stepmom became openly hostile toward me in the days and weeks that followed and I felt very uneasy in my own house Cassie my stepsister even saw and inquired as to why they were upset with me when I finally made the decision to move

out I told Grandpa who promised to take care of everything he relocated me into one of his rental apartments a few weeks later Grandpa purchased me Necessities like a stove and refrigerator and the flat is beautiful he he even gave me a check for $115,000 claiming that it would assist me start living on my own and that I could stay there for as long as I wanted without paying rent as long as I was working or studying my dad and I haven't spoken much since I moved out even though I miss everyone especially my stepsister

he hasn't come and I haven't gone to see them either I'm still hurt though my stepmom gave birth two weeks ago it was pleasant if a little odd to visit them in the hospital a few days later dad called to tell me that I should return home since he and the kids missed me he went into endless detail about how much he regretted asking me to leave I promised to give it some thought I went to see my aunt yesterday and shared what dad had said with her with a laugh my cousin said I'm sure

he does I wanted to know what he meant they then disclosed a great deal of information that I was previously unaware of it turns out that my aunt's house and Dad's house are actually owned by Grandpa to ensure that no one in the family would have to worry about Necessities like food and housing grandpa had formed formed a similar arrangement with all of his children and some grandchildren I had called my aunt at the time and she had called grandpa who was upset with Dad for charging me rent in addition to putting me out Grandpa

visited our home that day and sternly reprimanded dad even threatening to kick him out the petty part begins here do you recall the1 15K that Grandpa gave me over time I paid dad that much in rent and now grandpa is forcing him to reimburse me in addition dad is being charged $1,200 by Grandpa to to cover the rent loss on the apartment where I currently reside I may be naive but I was unaware that Dad wasn't earning much money by himself until recently we had a lovely home vacations and a comfortable lifestyle but I suppose

Grandpa was pitching in behind the scenes with three children living at home a single source of income and the additional burden of repaying Grandpa my cousin believes dad is currently having financial difficulties according to my cousin dad wants me to return home because he thinks that if I do Grandpa won't punish me as much to be honest I have no idea what to do although I've been enjoying living alone for the past 6 months I still miss them I miss the life we had before everything happened and I miss my siblings but I'm also offended

since it appears that money is the true reason he wants me back first update let me make it clear that my grandfather and Aunt are from my father's side of the family before I respond to some queries I don't have a lot of contact with my mother's side I have uncles and aunts but they don't live close by and my maternal grandparents died before Mom did even though I get along well with my two other uncles on my dad's side my aunt has always been like a second mother to me especially since my mother passed

away it was implied that my stepsister would have to begin paying rent when she reached 18 and my stepmother was aware that I was doing so I don't know though if she was aware that Dad didn't own the house or how much grandpa had contributed financially Monday's update I called Dad the day following my post to let him know that I had made the decision not to move back I just just explained that I was comfortable where I was and that going back would feel like a step backward without mentioning anything I had been taught

however I did mentioned that I wanted to stay in contact and that they were welcome to have me over for dinner at any time I also mentioned how much I wanted my step sister and Stepbrother to visit me at home dad didn't seem angry but he did sound disappointed he concluded by saying we'll see and went on although I was also a little let down he called me on Friday to ask if I would like to join them for lunch on Sunday we decided to have dinner on Thursday as I indicated that I already had

plans with grandpa and grandma despite the fact that we communicate and chat frequently I haven't yet told my stepsister about any of this although she hasn't heard her parents talking about me she did say that her maternal grandmother who is staying over to help with the baby is incredibly annoying that made me giggle I'll try speaking with Dad on Thursday because I didn't want to raise cass's expectations only to have him reject my offer of a sleepover my most significant news is that I recently returned from a visit with Grandpa and Grandma I told them

I wanted to know everything that was happening but we also had a great day together I felt as though I had been living in a world of deception and I was no longer a child there were a few extra specifics but the key points were the same as what my cousin and aunt told me last week due to Dad's limited savings grandpa has been covering many of our essential expenses such as school Medical Care Etc Grandpa also informed me that prior to her death he and mom made the majority of the contributions to my college

fund I feel a little foolish for not recognizing it sooner but I suppose it makes sense in order for my stepsister to feel included and have the same possibilities as the rest of her siblings grandpa has also established money for them this man is amazing I realize how fortunate I am to have him and I adore him so much numerous others have made helpful rather than critical remarks emphasizing how fortunate I am to have grandparents and other family members who can support me I'm really appreciative and hope to help others the way they help me

in the future I also shared my concerns about Dad's financial status with Grandpa he reassured me that Dad would be all right he would simply need to practice more frugal spending for a bit Grandpa vowed to never let any of his children or grandchildren to endure hardship or lack basic necessities he's attempting to teach Dad a lesson that he probably ought to have learned long ago as many of you have already noted I have therefore made the decision to keep my distance and not tell Dad that I'm an expert I think it's best if he

keeps believing I'm in the dark even if several of you suggested that I approach him finally we discussed the reasons behind dad's expulsion of me I could see that dad's actions had hurt both Grandpa and Grandma but Grandpa also had no response he claimed that he approached his father for an explanation but received none I'll continue to make an effort to connect with my siblings outside of my father and stepmother for the time being additionally I'll attempt to schedule weekly dinners with them even though I'm aware that most of what you have all stated about

my father is accurate I still want to make an effort to keep in touch with him if if not for his benefit then at least for the benefit of my siblings and me don't worry though I won't allow him to harm me once more update from dinner last Thursday a few individuals messaged me to inquire on the dinner's success but there isn't much else to say I went there after work on Thursday and my goodness I missed my siblings terribly I stayed with them most of the time my baby sister is so adorable that I

could eat her up and my baby brother has grown up a lot no matter what I never want to be sep separated from them again the only person I maintained in frequent communication with via phone calls and texts was my stepsister Cassie I unintentionally included her name in my initial post she is a wonderful lady and while she is aware that I didn't leave amicably she is unaware of all the specifics or financial information she was overjoyed when I asked whether she would want to spend some time at my place for an overnight she would

have started packing right then and there if I hadn't intervened guess where my Stepmother's mother is staying while she's still there assisting with the baby in my former room the baby's room has been converted into a guest room and because it's closer to the master bedroom it's now my Stepmother's former office it was a little painful her mother continued to monitor me even though I've only met my Stepmother's parents a few times and they've always been kind to me she was continually watching me as if she thought I might take anything regardless of where I

went or what I did she refused to leave my side while I held the infant in any case supper went as smoothly as you can imagine except from that I was happy to see my siblings and play with them for a few hours even though it was a little weird I told Cassie at the end of the night that we should have a sleep over that weekend absolutely not her grandmother said right away but I was surprised when my stepmother intervened she said I could pick Cassie up for dinner on Saturday after soccer practice if

she wanted to my stepmother gave me a very sincere hug as I was leaving we've always had a decent relationship as I stated in my first post but I kind of came to believe that she's just a bad stepmother because so many people have said it I felt really emotional and bewildered when I left in the afternoon of Saturday I picked Cassie up she compared Shawarma to a pork burrito when we first tasted it after watching asterisk Inside Out asterisk there isn't much of a difference spending the day with her was wonderful and I'm thankful

that she's in my life after dropping her off on Sunday I walked inside to visit my other siblings dad was out meeting a friend from work so he wasn't there in case you were wondering my stepmother used to work for advertising firm but is now a stay-at-home mother and my dad is a lawyer on Friday we have another supper planned I don't want to bring it up right now but I'm not sure why dad wanted me to move out or why he charged me rent I would prefer not to take the chance of destroying my

bond with my siblings since things are finally settling down to regular living I'm not sure whether there will be any more updates second update things have been quite routine since my last update the Friday before last my dad and I had another meal I chose to ignore stepmom's mother who I'll call eie for evil even though she was still giving me the evil eye I was considering taking my younger brother to the park yesterday and I had planned another supper for Last Friday dad needed to talk to the entire family so he called on Wednesday

to ask if I could reschedule and go to Grandpa's on Saturday instead in the interim Cassie has informed me that my stepmother I'll refer to her as Shay and iie have been having a lot of arguments Shay's father who I'll call Libby short for lying bastard arrived last Sunday on Monday liby and eie returned home after what seemed to be a major altercation I went to Grandpa's yesterday afternoon and my aunt was there as well Dad and Shay showed up shortly after with Cassie dad apologized to my grandparents and to me obviously humiliated additionally Shay

expressed regret to me and Dad explained the events of the previous few years Cassie was there for the entire chat but she didn't know all of it while I did though it may be a little disorganized I will attempt to explain everything here Grandpa and a friend founded a business years ago and it was a huge success Grandpa sold the business and made a substantial profit when dad turned 25 he made the decision to give a home to each of his children with the understanding that they would use it to pay off debts or purchase

homes he gave each of his children $350,000 Grandpa didn't want his children to experience homelessness since he had witnessed it happened to others but instead of purchasing a house Dad relocated to New York to establish his own legal firm and grow into a well-known and prosperous attorney however things didn't work out so well for him as you may expect when he ran out of money and was unable to pay his rent half a decade later he turned to Grandpa and returned home Grandpa assisted him in finding employment with a friend after some time Dad began

to rebuild his life moved out of Grandpa's house rented a house met my mother and started dating her after a while he proposed to her after they fell in love Grandpa came to them and promised to give them a house before they were married his other children had already heard about this and approved of it the house would remain in Grandpa's name and eventually go straight to Dad's children in Grandpa's will though because he didn't completely trust dad and he wanted to make sure dad's future children would always have somewhere to live I was therefore

wrong in the past only my dad and two of my cousins reside in the houses that Grandpa owns my uncles and aunts do not after that I was born and for a while everything was fine until my mother died when dad found it difficult to care for me by himself Grandpa began to provide financial support after a few more years dad got to know Shay however dad never mentioned any of this to her since he felt ashamed about not owning the house and Grandpa's financial help Dad was only a mediocrely accomplished lawyer in her eyes

she asked if she could become a full-time stay-at-home Mother after they were married and she fell pregnant too ashamed to refuse dad assured her it was all right Dad was having even more trouble now that he had three children and a stay-at-home wife dad saving were running low but Grandpa was still assisting in order for Grandpa to continue helping for the benefit of the children dad acknowledged that he partially blame Shay on Grandpa suggesting that she was to blame for his financial difficulties let's now discuss Shay's parents Le and eie they started telling dad that

I was being spoiled that I would handle money carelessly and that I had an easy life because they thought he was a successful and affluent lawyer L would tell Dad stories about how at my age he had to pay his father rent and how he did the same with Shay's brother who pulled himself up by his bootstraps and became successful and independent it seems that Dad was affected by that attitude he started to worry that rather than succeeding on my own I would become reliant on him or more likely Grandpa and his wealth even though

grandpa had successfully raised three of his own four children he began seeking parenting counsel from his in-laws instead of Grandpa because he was afraid I would become like him and one his dad's financial assistance he told me that he felt humiliated which seemed to influence a lot of his choices when I questioned why he didn't speak with Grandpa first in reality L came up with the rent notion according to Dad his first intention was to save the money and then return it to me however sheay was unable to save the money since she had a

new child was unemployed and had to maintain appearances for her family additionally he misled me at the time by claiming that grandpa had done it with his children and that it was common for parents to collect rent a claim I only learned to be untrue eight months afterward that fact however seemed insignificant at the time given and everything else that transpired I didn't reveal something in my earlier posts because at the time I didn't believe it was important I belong to the lgbtqia plus group I've been honest about this and before my mother died I

told her about it I don't Market it but this will be important in the future anyway to continue L starts to confide in dad among other things L starts recommending that I move out and Dad starts talking to him about his financial difficulties dad initially dismisses the notion then dad begins to worry when Shay getss pregnant again at that point Lei and eie approached dad and offer to assist him out not just by providing financial support but also by having eie move in with them once the baby is born since eie would be present to

assist with the children eie even offers to persuade Shay to return to work however they stated that I would have to move out in order for this to occur they said that it was time for me to leave the nest that the house couldn't hold eie and so on eventually they persuaded dad that my moving out would benefit everyone dad didn't share any of this with Shay he just said that he believed it was best for me and that it looked like a wonderful opportunity given the impending baby at first Shay was opposed to it

but she gave in to Dad after he played the I know what's best card I have to move out they said in a recent piece I explained events from my perspective Grandpa went to Dad's house that day and they got into a heated argument not just between dad and grandpa but also between dad and Shay at that point sheay learned that Dad was riant on Grandpa had virtually little funds and did not own the house at this point dad's agreement with her parents remained a secret after that day I asked Shay why she was acting

so rudely toward me making me feel uncomfortable and wanting to leave after looking astonished she apologized and began to cry stating that she was upset with Dad and never with me she was unaware that she was somewhat to blame for my departure I told her it wasn't her fault and I was crying too gentlemen I believe her even though I know a lot of you have said negative things about her and I don't blame you you can't fake the expression on her face when I informed her I didn't feel welcome she was merely attempting to

give me space but I'm beginning to believe that she is just as much of a victim of Dad's Behavior as I am to recap the facts once I moved out Grandpa stopped providing dad with financial help and began charging him rent for the house the one expense he kept covering was Cassie's schooling now that everything as public knowledge dad and Shay have had to reduce their spending which includes selling her car and giving up nice meals and snacks they received some financial assistance from leay and eie but sheay was already under a lot of stress

and was pregnant it was evident to me that Grandpa shared my real sympathy for her in her ordeal he probably had no idea how much anguish he was causing her I don't know how he will handle the house with dad eie moved home with Dad and Shay prior to the baby's birth things appeared to get back to normal after Shay gave birth but with the new baby dad began to feel even more bad about what had happened he contacted me again at that point as I had informed you let's fast forward to my first dinner

with them after I left dad and Shay observed that eie was acting suspiciously although they talked about it nothing came of it after Shay continued to talk to Dad about her mother dad began to share with her the things he discussed with eie and lei including money raising children and other subjects Shay approached her mother after my second dinner and they got into a heated argument Evie apparently yelled something like I can't believe you're letting that slur back into your home after getting rid of her during the dispute it was at that point that Dad

finally understood and recognized what a fool he had been eie was expelled they got into another argument when lay arrived to pick her up in reality dad wanted to pretend nothing had occurred keep me around and discreetly meant our relationship but Shay stood her ground she demanded that he tell Cassie and the rest of the world about everything not just to me thus we reached the current time everyone was crying including dad my aunt Grandpa Shay and Cassie Grandma simp held me close without saying a word dad said there would be no more deceit no

more falsehoods after Dad and Shay left I stayed at Grandpa's because I wasn't well enough to drive I got home this morning took a long shower and sobbed a lot now I'm composing this to see if it helps me sift through my feelings and make sense of everything that must be the end of the tale right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do I feel sorry for Shay and Cassie sad and enraged I experience both everything and nothing tomorrow tomorrow I'll give my therapist a call to see if I can schedule further appointments

although I've been going every Friday I doubt I'll be able to wait a full week having said that I guess the person who wagered on evil step-grandmother has won am I the [ __ ] for losing it and calling my father a weak pathetic man in front of his family original post August 18th 2024 my father has always been against any confrontation or arguments he is extremely passive refuses to stand up for himself and avoids any conflict if someone isn't paying attention while walking and bumps into him he insists it's his own fault if his

employer would mess up his salary he wouldn't bother fixing it if a mechanic didn't properly repair his car he would just accept it as his this unfortunately resulted in a tumultuous childhood with my insanely narcissistic mother she controlled his every move she got him to quit his job and be a locked in stay-at-home Dad she had him do every chore she insulted him at every step she cheated on him relentlessly and even brought APS into our home she enjoyed making his life miserable every day and he never questioned it my extended family God bless them

were there for me so many times as much as they could be they tried for years to make my father leave but he never budged when she would direct her anger onto myself in the form of screaming insulting or general demeaning my father never once found the guts to stand up for me or support me when I was a kid if I cried to Dad about something mom did or said to me he he would sweep it under the rug or just insist I forget about it hell he would even try and justify it As

I Grew Older it really set in for me how messed up this was my mother gladly kicked me out of the house when I was 18 and my father just sat there and looked Sullen didn't say a damn thing I joined the Air Force almost immediately and got stationed on the other side of the country the dynamic was awful and I could have easily gone down the incel route if not for therapy and the amazing people I met along the way it took years for me to get in a better mental space face I was

filled with hatred my mother left my father 2 years after I got stationed and utterly destroyed my father in the divorce she was killed a year later in a DUI with one of her APS I took a lot of joy in hearing that it took her hours to die and that's when I really knew I needed help to process things I'm almost 30 now have a girlfriend who is perhaps the best thing to ever happen in my life and fully understands the situation with my family I have learned to not allow myself to be consumed

with anger and resentment by my past or so I thought you'll see and instead put that energy to my future I have been extraordinarily low contact SL near no contact with my father since I left as much as I try I cannot make that connection with him I recently went to a family reunion and brought my girlfriend with me my father was there as it was his side of the family they have many issues with him but he is family so whatever I guess I made sure to avoid him I was chatting with my uncles

when I heard my father talk in the background He was discussing how a coworker of his was going through a divorce as he discovered his wife was having an affair and was positioned to have a very favorable divorce on his side my father remarked how his co-worker should work instead to forgive his wife and by his own words set a good example for Unity and forgiveness and how he believed he set a great example for me in that extent I swear it was like a switch went off in my head and I was mentally back

to being the RFI 18-year-old all these years and he never learned a damn thing I turned to him and asked if he was [ __ ] serious he looked at me and started to stutter I know the next minute was pure word vomit and I can't relay it perfectly but to sum it up I shouted how he was a pathetic father pathetic man his family all know he's a disgrace of a human being who would rather his son be treated like [ __ ] than defend him because he's a [ __ ] coward no one

would ever see him as an example to live by his wife would rather [ __ ] half the neighborhood than even touch him and he should never ever believe anyone respects him I began to derail and ramble between my shouting and my girlfriend quickly took me out and drove me home it was insane just how quickly being away from him made me feel better she just held me when we got back and told me it's okay again the best thing to ever happen to me I was ashamed of how I lost it and I'm now

going to resume my therapy that's a given however I'm glad I finally unloaded what always needed to be said on to him extended family is pretty mixed with reactions his brothers my uncles said it was time for him to hear it from me my grandparents are pissed I did that in front of the entire extended family with some saying I should have done that behind closed doors instead of everyone aitah has no consensus bot oop was NTA with a few ytas relevant comments comment one it sounds like you finally got to express the pent up

feelings you've carried for so long while the Outburst wasn't ideal it seems like it was a necessary step towards healing it's good you're resuming therapy to process this further oop yeah afterwards it hit me that although it was very cathartic it definitely wasn't the most appropriate way to handle it LOL comment to he sounds like a gentle kind and well-meaning person you directed what is very clearly anger and resentment for your mother at him it's a bit more complicated than being an [ __ ] or not you seem to have got some catharsis out of

it I just don't believe he is the one you really wanted to scream at and from the sounds of it he was also a victim of your mother too and while he was an adult and should have known better he obviously didn't being non-confrontational isn't some character flaw it's psychological and he probably needs therapy himself screaming at him and demeaning him actually sounds like something your mother probably did SL would do and I worry about you if that is something that actually made you feel better about yourself oop yes I fully admit he was a

victim of my mother but he was a victim who had a support system he never wanted to use he fully let me be a victim my entire childhood because apparently it was too much effort to try and to this day doesn't believe he needs therapy comment three all I can say is based on your post and this interaction is deeply misguided and you're failing to recognize the truly horrifying thing you're behaving like the mother you actually should hate oop oh trust me I fully hate her as well but she is gone and there is no

use in holding a grudge against a dead person I had hoped though after his son making him an outsider in his life his family openly joking face Toof face about his failings as a father and his ex-wife draining him for everything he had and making him start over in a one-bedroom apartment his friend slowly leaving his life one at a time out of embarrassment that he would have maybe have at least one moment to reflect and maybe consider he should have done things differently oop getting therapy due to his past trauma oop eh yeah either

way I need to hop back on the horse for therapy it'll be good for me as for my grandparents I really have had to look back as to how far this pattern of enabling goes back I know they did what they could to try and help but it always seemed like there were times that more active measures could be taken times where people should have been far more Stern with his addressing his behavior the older generation on his side are the classical their family and we stick together no matter what and I have to think

whether his passiveness and enabling is something he picked up on his own or something he learned from his own parents update one August 20th 2024 2 days later thanks for the advice and recommendations even among amongst some of the yta however some of them needed to be addressed because they were either hilarious or cringeworthy some of them were very angry and they kind of confused me at first until I saw their comments further down or saw their profile and saw rants about double standards or complete nonse or ramblings about women so yeah not helpful advice

and they were great dark Reflections about how I could have turned out if not for the support in my life some attempted to portray my dad as a humble kind caring sensitive old man who I'm just being a big bully to this was a very good insight into how enablers of abuse get away with so much in today's world because so many people forget how they are part of the abuse themselves some were attempting to mentally dissect me or have a gotcha moment with me to pull apart my story that was generally asinine and I

had to step away from those before they asked for my cranial measurements or something so it was pretty much immediately when I was up the next morning that I realized I needed to resolve the events of last night I first spoke to my girlfriend and gave a sincere apology for having her see me like that she reassured me that nothing was wrong she'd known me for years and has always known me to be level-headed and understands why I kind of snapped she herself has a history of dealing with narcissistic families so she absolutely understands the

dynamic she only really told me that it would be best to work on spending time around my extended family since my father will always be there I told her don't worry I'm immediately going to talk to them afterwards to figure that out so those parts are fine looked kind of like an ass in front of her but I'm making sure sure that doesn't happen again I also informed her of my intentions to resume more therapy just to keep myself steady which she was happy to hear I called my grandparents and sincerely apologized as well for

putting such a sore Dent into their family reunion that it wasn't appropriate and while I still feel it felt good to say that to him it should have been privately and not in front of everyone I also told them that going forward as much as I love spending time with them since the family always hangs out in one group that my father will always be in for now and until I can handle being around him I need to distance myself occasionally until I feel comfortable interacting I told them that I am nor would I ever

be establishing an ultimatum or demands of them and that either way I need to step back I guess during my apology and explanation I was kind of just going on a tangent because my grandfather interrupted me to calm down he told me that after I left people kind of separated or slowly started leaving and they eventually were able to talk to my father oneon-one I guess seeing me have such a freak out resulted and my grandmother having a mini freak out of her own when she started talking to my father resulting in her kicking him

out while I have a great relationship with both my grandmother has always been extra protective of me so seeing me that way must have set off a fire in her my grandfather then said that it has become a bit of an open Family secret about my father's failing his brothers taunt him about it and generally don't have a great relationship with him and for my grandparents it's always just uneasy but seeing me the other day and how it still affects me so much has really liked it for a lot of people that it was really

bad they began to try and say sorry if they didn't do enough which I very adamantly retorted that they did more than what anyone could have expected it was very emotional for a minute but culminated in then telling me that they have decided to distance themselves from my father for the time being and have given him the ultimatum that unless he has a deep introspective and regularly goes to therapy that distance may become permanent my extended family I've been told are going to try and reach out or call or whatever but I asked them if

they could relay to them that it's not necessary and that I'm fine and I'm sorry to them as well for ruining the day which again they told me I shouldn't apologize for being hurt since then extended family have sent some messages with the general consensus that it's okay with some older members complaining about my lack of respect towards my father and finally I texted my father hoping to meet at a local coffee shop and have a final talk I met him and he didn't look good I think his parents tearing into him finally got the

message through I had so many things I could have said but I instead asked him first thing if the coworker he gave the advice to took it well he just said that neither him nor several co-workers interact with him anymore I asked him if he truly 100% believes that every single thing he did for me as a child was for my benefit he didn't really say anything I then finally asked if he has any regrets for how I was treated as a child and if he thinks he ever did anything wrong he looked utterly defeated

and just mumbled that he could have done more I could have poked and prodded and could have gone on another rant but instead I told him this should be goodbye and I hope he gets the help he needs I think finally unloading my frustrations was what I needed to finally be able to move on and find peace I absolutely need to keep on track for therapy and admit that a public bitching moment isn't okay but I should be fine comments comment one this is an interesting one the ability to control one's failures yes that's what

I'll call your situation is very powerful you'll do all right comment to congrat congratulations sincerely on owning your actions no matter how Justified you acknowledged your Outburst was uncomfortable for others and likely not appropriate in that setting it takes Incredible strength of character to admit your failings even if you have no idea how else you could have reacted in that moment that you immediately communicated that to your loved ones is a huge sign of how respectable and genuine you are as a person I really hope you keep moving forward from this situation with the same

mindset good luck comment three NTA it's sounds like you handled things well after what happened you took responsibility by apologizing to your girlfriend and family and it's clear you're committed to moving forward by focusing on therapy and healing it's understandable that you snapped given everything you've been through it's also clear that your Outburst made your family realize the impact your dad's Behavior had on you don't beat yourself up over it you've done what you needed to do to move on and it seems like you're on the right track now update 2 September 12th 2024 3

weeks later things have progressed over the last couple weeks and I now have a broader context about my family long story short is there was a lot hidden from me my father was an absolute [ __ ] to his family and that's why they treat him the way they do I got a lot of feedback including the compilation posts on best of redditor updates in boru and one thing that stood out was people questioning if my extended family could have contributed to the abuse and that's why he was so feeble and since I was trying

to work on my relationship with my family I figured it was time to ask the hard questions before going that far I met with my dad's brothers who invited me out to a popular lunch spot for context and Clarity Dale is the oldest brother he is married and has a daughter and a son my father is the second oldest self-explanatory John is the second youngest also married with a son bill is the youngest married with three daughters so anyways we met up and I ripped the Band-Aid off asking about my father growing up what was

like beyond the basics I know and what really is going on with their relationship Dale sighed and basically summed up that besides what I know there is a lot of backstory I'm unfamiliar with that they never told me about simply because it was never the time nor the place to what I've always known is that my father was fairly normal when he was young a little shy but fantastic academically played Sports occasionally had a close-knit relationship with his brothers and meeting my mom in High School junior year made everything go downhill what I didn't know

was that my father was was a guiding figure for his two younger brothers and was generally seen as one of the nicest people with a bright future ahead of him my grandparents adored him and he even became a little bit of a golden child but no one minded the reason his family doesn't respect him is what happened to his behavior when my mother got attached to him it first started simple my mother acted rude and distant to the family they weren't huge fans but my father loved her so they tolerated it she became possessive and

slowly isolated my father and convinced him to give up his ambition and goals the family became concerned and spent a long time trying to talk to him and convince him to leave my father didn't budge and began to lash out when I was born my extended family tried to talk to my father about my mother's attitude my father was angry and threatened to report them for harassment he was in denial about her behavior when Dale's wife was having fertility issues my mother messaged her appalling and cruel things when Dale was pissed and went to talk

to my father he told Dale to drop it and even Justified it Dale punched him and the police almost got involved Dale hated him going forwards Jon grew to hate him when my mother insulted his son due to mild physical disabilities my father cracked a joke about what she said Jon hated him then finally Bill who always idolized my father tried to inform my father that my mother made a pass at him and urged divorce my father responded with a maddening call of utter hate and relationship ending words to sum it all up the more

time my father SP spent with my mother the more he began to repeat her attitude when they showed signs of abuse to me and tried to intervene my father threatened to lie to accuse them of worse things my mother had money and lawyers and could make their lives hell if they tried and my father would gladly let her they were stuck and could only do so much at a time the older members of the family like the grandparents great and uncles and such believe in the traditional mindset of family sticking together no matter what while

the generations further down want to keep a distance from him they're all stuck between a rock and a hard place there's more they told me out it was all essentially that my father died on the hill for my mom ruining his relationship with his brothers in the process and when she died and destroyed him he probably had to realize it was all for nothing my grandparents seem to not want to accept the fact that he was lost or maybe they hope he can fix his life who knows this was a lot to process and was

only confirmed by my father himself when he called me to ask about family therapy with us I cut to the Chase and asked if what I heard was true he said yes I would have agreed to maybe some family therapy but now I have no idea I refused to force my son to forgive my brother after he excluded him from his wedding now my family's divided over it allow her to organize everything including the location Cuisine music Etc in July of last year Karen made the decision to organize a destination wedding at a posh Resort

the invitation arrived and it was sent to my son and myself I tried to book our hotel room as soon as the page launched and I even had a plus one if I wanted to to be clear I couldn't risk not getting a room therefore I had to call the hotel to make my reservation because the link wasn't working the email confirmation stated room for two adults but I didn't give it much thought because I thought the hotel representative's language barrier might have caused the error at about the same time I also purchased our airline

tickets less than a month before the wedding in January my sister-in-law contacted me in tears and told me that Karen had messed up my kid was 13 at the time and it seems that the resort was adults only meaning that no one under the age of 16 was permitted when I requested whether Leo and I might stay at another hotel they informed me that my son would not even be permitted to attend the ceremony or the reception because the entire resort was child-free disappointed I promised my sister-in-law that I would discuss it with my son

she insisted that she and Jack wanted to inform him in person even though I knew how thrilled he was about his uncle's wedding to be honest when my son was informed that he couldn't go he broke down in tears he begged them to reschedule the wedding even providing his savings as collateral after 30 minutes of this my sister-in-law became irate and informed him that the day wasn't about him and that he was being self-centered after a while Leo apologized and retired to his room my son ceased communicating with my brother after the wedding unless it

was specifically concerning me such as when Jack had to relay a message because he couldn't get through to me Leo would ignore any messages that Jack sent him Leo would only answer simple queries like can you pass the salt or help grandma with the plates at Family get togethers but he would turn his back on my brother if Jack or Mary attempted to strike up a discussion or inquire about his schooling to make up for the wedding Jack and Mary offered to take my son on a special spring break vacation a month after the wedding

but he turned them down and subsequently informed me he didn't want to go he adhered to his decision which was terrible because I knew he truly wanted to go there and I wasn't yet able to finance it the same thing occurred on Leo's birthday as I do every year he inquired whether I was going to throw him a party when I replied that I was he asked me not to bring his aunt and uncle he only stated that if they didn't want him on their special day he didn't want them on his I attempted to

persuade him to invite them because they are family and were truly sorry when I told my brother he wasn't invited he started crying this past weekend when we were at my mom's house and the topic of Leo's plans for college came up things became heated my mother urged Leo to be making plans after asking him if he still intended to attend the same institution as Jack Leo responded that he had changed his mind and was no longer interested in response my son said he had decided to study something else because he was no longer interested

I thought you wanted to be like your uncle my mother then asked why would I want to be like him was my sonk recent response I stepped in at this moment and reminded Leo that his rudeness was unnecessary but the harm had already been done after hearing what he had to say my brother brother and sister-in-law quickly departed my brother texted me last night accusing me of being bad for letting my kid Harbor this resentment he even said that I wasn't attempting to mend their relationship because I was jealous of it I retorted that he

was solely responsible for allowing his mother-in-law to arrange a wedding where my child was not welcome and that these were the results of his own behavior he ended the call my mother and a few other family members believed that in order for us to move on I should make my kid forgive my brother claiming that it was only a little error and that there was no malice but but I don't concur my kid was obviously harmed and he should only be given the opportunity to move past his hurt and forgive them when he is ready

edit I apologize for not getting back to you yesterday after viewing the civ7 Revelation I became preoccupied with a civ6 game now that I've read through every remark I wanted to respond to a topic that keeps coming up I wasn't at the wedding it didn't feel right to leave after what had happened and I didn't want to leave my son alone while the majority of the family was away Leo tone more than the words he used was impolite in his response to Grandma's query he provoked his uncle with a tone that I've seen him employ

previously and am familiar with he was attempting to start a quarrel not only answering an improper query I have respected his boundaries and understand his pain and anger but that doesn't mean I have to put up with his acting aggressively whenever he feels like it as for the actual conversation let me summarize what Mary my son and I said Mary we made a mistake and you won't be able to go to the wedding Leo but why I want to go and you invited me Mary said the venue only accepts adults you can't enter Leo said

can't you make an exception me Leo they can't do you recall being informed that they couldn't have kids in the bar when you applied for a part-time job there that's how it is Leo says can't you get married somewhere else Mary we are unable to we have already spent a lot of money on that location Leo replied I can give you my savings Mary it's insufficient additionally none of the guests want to Forfeit the money they have already spent Leo my father is wealthy I can leave if he gives you money it's unfair I want

to attend the wedding Jack Leo I apologize but we can make it right after the wedding how about we take you to Greece Leo I don't want to go to Greece he said growing increasingly agitated I'd like to attend the wedding why do you not want me to be there me it was an error Leo we were unaware that there was a minimum age limit but they wanted you there Leo that's unfair then why did you invite me on my uncle's special day I would like to be with him this is not our fault Mary

exclaimed raising her voice you have to let it go it simply occurred I'm sorry you can't make it but you must quit being so self-centered it's not your special day it's mine it was then that Leo lost it I tried to comfort him and gave Mary a shut up look without saying anything as I indicated in a previous comment Jack did say something to her but I was unable to understand what he was saying Leo apologized and begged to retire to his room after he had cooled down Jack and Mary made an effort to apologize

but Leo ignored them my kid requested me to go but I followed him to his room to check on him I returned to the living area what the devil is wrong with you I asked it is not your place to shout at my son Mary I apologize I simply have too much stress for the past 2 months my mom and I have been at odds over this me I don't give a damn you made it worse when I told you over the phone that he would be disappointed leave Jack Jacob please it wasn't her intention

I'll compensate Leo me I don't care I said leave after they departed I went to see how Leo was doing I don't remember everything that was said because I don't have a photographic memory but that's the main idea of what transpired that day update one in a nutshell we will no longer be going to family gatherings my brother promised to respect my son's boundaries after we spoke he also described the actual events Leo is currently doing a lot better longer update I told my mother that until things settled down and more crucially until Leo felt

at ease again we would both no longer attend family events she was obviously unhappy but it appeared that she had now realized how much Leo had been harmed by her persistence surprisingly she explained that she was so adamant that Leo forgiv Jack because he had fallen into depression Leo might become estranged from the family if I made him forgive his uncle I informed her when I informed my sister that we would no longer be going to events she was equally upset but she understood in order for the children to continue spending time together she recommended

that we establish our own weekly ritual over the last few weeks Leo has spent time at my sister's house one week and her kids have visited me the following Leo appears okay with this Arrangement and it's Ben official that grown-ups aren't pressuring him to talk to his uncle I texted my brother the weekend after my post to arrange a private meeting so we could chat Mary wasn't present Jack quickly expressed his regret for his actions and the things he had said to me he verified my suspicions he had been under stress due to frequent arguments

with Mary and had even contemplated divorce due to the severity of the situation I assured him I wasn't worried about it even though it might sound harsh I hoped he would be honest with me about what had transpired Jack insists that it wasn't until late November that he learned the venue was childfree but Mary had known for a long time perhaps since the beginning as many of you suspected it seems that this all began when Jack and Mary took Leo to the beach a few years back my son unintentionally called Jack dad when they were

playing but he swiftly corrected himself Jack said it was simply a minor lapse similar to when a toddler calls a teacher mom Jack dismissed Leo's embarrassment with a laugh the catch during that vacation Jack's father-in-law Phil and mother mother-in-law Karen were present and heard Leo knowing that Mary couldn't have children Karen lost it when they got back from the trip and said she was triggered by witnessing a random child called Jack dad Karen became poisonous and hostile toward Mary Making demands such as preventing Leo from being present during her visits despite Mary's attempts to clarify

that it was simply an innocent error Karen coerced Mary into allowing her to organize the ideal wedding for her only daughter despite Jack and Mary's initial desire to alope and forgo a lavish ceremony after years of manipulating emotions Mary ultimately gave in an attempt to maintain Harmony Karen then took over the wedding plans and deliberately picked a location that would not accommodate children when Mary tried to protest after learning that the venue was reserved Karen played the victim and dismissed her worries even if they slept at a different Hotel Mary said she tried to work

out a deal with the resort that would let kids attend just the ceremony and reception the management however refused to change the policy Mary became more and more nervous as the date Drew near and in November she told Jack the truth my brother claims that Mary finally snapped at Leo in part because to her own Mother's persistent manipulation and bullying and in part because she felt guilty for allowing things to get to this point Jack informed me that instead of excluding Leo and my sister's kids from the wedding he would have called it off if

he had known sooner however it was impossible to cancel by November since too many attendees had already reserved hotel rooms and flights none of this I informed Jack Justified the way he and Mary had handled Leo particularly Mary even though she was older than 40 she nonetheless picked a battle with a toddler because Leo intended to utilize the 2,000 he had saved to attend Jack's wedding she had screamed at him and called him selfish I reminded Jack that he had disappointed Leo who admired him and considered him a hero Leo had learned that Jack didn't

value him as much as he had assumed I informed Jack that I would go low contact myself and that I would back Leo's decision to stop communicating with him jack requested an opportunity to apologize to Leo but I informed him that he had already done so and that his only option was to wait for Leo to accept it although Jack appeared offended he promised to honor our requests and give us some space and time regarding my son I expressed my regret to him for not advocating for him earlier and for making him go to weekly

family events I informed him the going future he was free to choose how he wanted to manage that aspect of the family I informed Leo that I would be there for him no matter what and that I wouldn't be disappointed if he decided to quit going entirely even if he looked hesitant to do so I was pleased when Leo oos that we spend more time together alone doing things he used to do with my brother rather than attending weekly family events we attended a vintage car exhibition last week and we're going to see Wicked the

following week it sounds like fun but I'm not a theatrical person Leo shouldn't hold back simply because he had a falling out with someone he cared about I told him adding that I was concerned he had stopped doing things he enjoyed in essence I informed him that he could still enjoy those activities alone or with someone else he acknowledged that in spite of Jack he had ceased doing them even though he really wanted to I then made the decision to buy him some games that he had been looking forward to but had refunded following the

altercation with my brother as an early Christmas present he even persuaded me to join him on his PS5 for a game of Final Fantasy online while he plays on his PC he seems to like watching me fail even though I'll admit that I have no idea what I'm doing because the last Final Fantasy game I played was still in 2D we would appreciate any advice you may have for my birthday we ultimately agreed to travel to his ideal location I was a little disappointed that I won't be celebrating my brother's birthday for the first time

in almost 50 years but all that matters is that I have my son it's a relief that Leo is content and less anxious about family issues it's also encouraging that the family appears to be finally recognizing our limits all I can hope for is that my brother can improve his marriage even though I'm angry at what they did I do want him to be content after finding two tampons and other Clues I uncovered a disturbing truth behind my husband's secret meetings original post I 29f have been with my husband 30m for 7 years married for

four I've never had reason to suspect he was unfaithful to me or even remotely dissatisfied with our marriage he likes to joke that we're still living the honeymoon phase nearly 5 years and two kids in I wouldn't have questioned that or him were it not for a surprise I found in his car last month when buckling our daughter into her car seat I noticed something slotted between the cushions I pulled it out and saw that it was a tampon this wouldn't have been so unusual had I not had an IUD that has stopped my period

for the past year and I didn't even recognize the rapper style I brought it to my husband's attention and he didn't seem to understand what it was let alone why I was holding it until I told him where I'd found it and why I was almost certain it wasn't mine he Shrugged and said it probably belonged to his coworker Fiona it's not uncommon for my husband to carpool to lunch with his co-workers and were both fairly close to Fiona and her husband so I figured it was entirely possible that tampon had slipped out of her

purse whenever he had driven with them or offered her a ride no big deal I put it out of my mind until we had dinner with Fiona and her husband a couple weeks later I had sincerely wanted to believe my husband I just couldn't get over the way it had been tucked in the seat and how my husband had seemed not to have any regard for it whatsoever maybe playing dumb I don't know I did something that I now feel kind of crazy for doing I faked an emergency and asked Fiona if she had any

tampons while we were out together she handed me one almost identical to the tampon I'd found in our back seat and I breathed a sigh of relief so the tampon there was probably the same tampon here and in all likelihood there was an innocent explanation as to why it had been left in the back seat in the first place I thought I'd seen the last of the out-of-place feminine hygiene products until I found another tampon this morning this time in my sock drawer I feel physically ill at the thought of my husband having an affair

and even more nauseated at the thought that the woman might have left these tampons out for me to find if it was my husband's coworker why would she give herself away by offering me one the other night in any other situation I would want to talk to my husband about this but I feel too sick and embarrassed to approach him with what I found what should I do relevant comments I've had a period of 30 years and never put a tampon in a sock drawer trust your gut and get cameras neither have I I've considered

so many explanations for the tampons that wouldn't implicate my husband but none of them make sense really I'm terrified to set up a camera if it means confirming what I suspect right now has Fiona been over to your house and had time to plant the tampon she's been to our house many times and vice versa to my knowledge she wasn't over any time in the past week so if she planted that second tampon she had to have found a window of time when I wasn't home anytime she and her husband visit we all stay downstairs

and you'd have to go really out of your way to make it to our bedroom that is around our dogs over the safety gate past the other bedrooms not saying it's impossible but definitely tricky to do on a quick bathroom break I would guess how old are your kids could they have found a tampon and put it in a random place two and almost four both have a mischievous streak so I didn't want to rule out the possibility of one of them moving stuff around but I can't imagine how they'd get their hands on one

possibly two random tampons that I never bought update post contemplating every possible source of two tampons has been my personal hell for the past few weeks but I wanted to share an update shortly after posting here I told my sister what happened the tampon in the back seat and the sock drawer my husband's cluelessness the tampon from Fiona and all the things I suspected but didn't want to believe we compared tampons save for the backseat one I had already discarded and they were a match just in different absorbes I hadn't left either in a place

where my husband or daughter would have found them and moved them around my daughters didn't know what they were or where they had come from my sister was convinced it was Fiona either [ __ ] my husband [ __ ] with me or both direct confrontation of either party still seemed like a bad idea so she suggested inviting Fiona and her husband over for our Labor Day barbecue Unfortunately they already had plans my sister and I agreed that it was too soon for cameras without any other evidence so it was just a waiting game from

there watching my husband been for any changed Behavior there was none our house for any misplaced foreign items there were none and even the girls for any new friends they might have met my sister's husband was adamant on this last point and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless if anything had been happening in or around our home he said it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me and the girls since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week

I felt a good bit of consolation in that it wasn't until my younger daughter 2 yo came down with something last week that I felt any differently I wanted to be the one home taking care of her but my husband insisted that I stay at work while he stayed home with her I was okay with that my sister and her husband figured it was a good sign that he would take the time off at a moment's notice and at that point we were all already beginning to put the tampon Fiasco behind us by the third

or fourth day I was just happy to see a near- healthy child and a husband who was helping see her through it toward the end of that week though I came home to something strange the toddler that I'd left that morning in an old PJ set was now dressed in a onesie I'd never seen before with a tiny clip in her hair I can't say I have the sharpest memory but I have a pretty good sense of what my kids wear on a day-to-day basis and particularly what kinds of clothes they wear I'd sworn off

the ful length sleepsuits with snaps across the front long before we'd ever had our second the long Snaps are just a pain in the ass and a no-go for efficient diaper changes IMO it's just not something I would dress her in and my husband knows as much he doesn't plan for or buy the girls clothes and he certainly doesn't accessorize them so I was bewildered and kind of floored at the thought of someone around our sick child without my knowledge I didn't think twice and I went straight to my husband to ask if anyone had

been over to see him or the girls he seemed confused like before and asked me why I would think that it had just been him and the kids all day I asked him again if someone had so much as stopped by to say hello and he denied he told me to calm down I might have lashed out and come forward with the accusations right then and there but our older daughter was in the room and she sensed something was up in a calmer voice I asked him a third time if anyone had been around our

children and my husband swore that the girls hadn't been around anyone but him he also denied buying new clothes or doing anyone's hair with our daughter in the room and my emotions all over the place I decided to leave it I couldn't make sense of it then and it hardly seems clearer now after I've driven myself half crazy with explanations that aren't adding up relevant comments to answer a couple questions my two yo can only string together a couple words at a time and when I ask her about her time with daddy or her clothes

bow she answers based on the cues I give her for example who gave you that pretty bow and she repeats pretty bow back to me or mama daddy over and over my older daughter almost four was at daycare that morning and she can't recall anything different from that day doesn't remember the PJ change or the hair clip so my guess is she was changed sometime that morning but I'm not totally sure I have a 45 minutes commute to work so stopping by for lunch isn't really feasible my sister has been kind enough to leave work

and drive past a few times here in there and she hasn't seen anything out of the ordinary we have a ring camera at the front door and I've got the app on my phone with notifs on nothing there yet if anyone has recommendations for more discreet surveillance I'd be open to it I'm just the least techsavvy person and worry another camera will be easy to detect LOL edit and yes we get our carbon monoxide detectors tested regularly is it possible one of the hair clips came from daycare I could see the hair clip being a

possibility but less likely on the onesy my younger daughter hadn't been to daycare in days and if either of them had returned with something like that before I would have noticed especially since it was the kind of onesie I hate with a passion low L people comment that they can't wait to find out the ending to this Saga my money's on the Hollywood horror ending hopefully dreamed up the dogs too so I can finally stop picking up their imaginary shits and whatnot final update post after nearly losing my mind over a hair clip and a

onesie I realized I wasn't getting anywhere with the accusations and half-baked guesswork I'd gotten so absorbed in the paranoia and misery of my situation that I wasn't sleeping eating or caring for my kids the way I should have been and I wasn't getting any answers so I decided to pull the trigger on the hidden cameras and have them shipped to my sister's house with my BL agreeing to help with the install setup over at mine before the cameras were ever delivered though I got my long- awaited confirmation last week a ring notification had alerted me

to motion at the front door while I was at work half expecting to see a delivery person pet or Lawn Care salesman for the 15th time you can imagine my surprise when I saw a clip of a young woman leading my daughter into the house handin hand with my husband and other daughter close behind them the girl girls were supposed to be in daycare and my husband was at work the woman as far as I knew was living two states away with a court order keeping her there I immediately called my husband to ask him

what the [ __ ] this woman was doing in our house he didn't answer so I texted it to him even in his stupidity he probably realized he had messed up by going through the front door knew I had gotten the ring notification and wanted to delay the inevitable by the fifth or sixth subsequent call though he did pick up the woman on the camera was my husband's sister as I would come to find out later she was the likely source of both tampons the onesie and the bow she is also a registered sex offender

and a recovering addict who spent the better part of her adolescence and young adulthood coercing The Silence of another one of my husband's family members after she had molested them I hadn't seen or heard from her in years and from the way my husband talked about her I didn't expect I ever would but here she was in our house with our children suffice to say I was livid it wasn't an affair at all and still somehow infinitely more disgusting knowing who it was and why all of this had been happening apparently my sill fresh off

another stint in rehab had wanted to reconnect and make amends with people she'd hurt and my husband was high on that list my husband didn't want me to know or Worse try to keep her family our children away from her so they'd been meeting in secret often at our house when I was at work they would enter through the garage in my husband's car so the ring camera at the front door wouldn't tip me off she spent the night on a weekend I had been on a business trip and slept in our bed she babysat

our girls on a night my husband told me he had dropped them off at his parents she bought the girl's clothes and dressed my youngest in the onesie and bow that my husband had promised in his life I had dressed her in myself my husband swore this was all in my head the tampons the onesie the bow and all the rest he was perfectly content to watch me agonize for weeks over a woman he insisted didn't exist shrugging off each progressively more unsettling Discovery like it was news to him and telling me I was being

irrational he insinuated that I was experiencing postpartum depression two years after I'd given birth four years later I told him that one of my biggest fears for motherhood was to suffer from PPD like my mother had with me to not be fully present for our babies and be left with a world of guilt and regret as they grew older he told me I wasn't sleeping enough that I missed the girls too much that I needed to take a step back and re-evaluate the state of my mental health I gave him the benefit of the doubt

because he was my husband and because no other version of events made sense now after a month of this mind [ __ ] I have nothing to show for my trust but this pathetic situation and a lot of anger my 12-year-old daughter left me for her rich stepfather after losing her mother and being kicked out by her stepfather she returns broke at 22 my ex-wife then 41 female and I then 45 male split up 12 years ago she found solace in the company of a wealthy man sorry there's no better way to put it she

was a stay-at-home wife and mother who had little interest in working or earning money she wanted to stay at home and take care of the house and our daughter I never forced my daughter to work after she was born even though my finances were tight I was working two jobs and earning enough money to eat well however my salary could not afford the luxury lifestyle she desired I will not go into detail regarding my relationship with my ex this pieces about Lara details regarding my ex-wife may be covered in another post when Lara was 10

my ex-wife admitted that she had been sleeping with a wealthy man she moved out on the same day that we filed for divorce we became co-parents to Lara because I had two jobs and she didn't we decided that I'd have Lara on weekends I formed a strong bond with Lara we have some fantastic Adventure trips together even though the divorce was traumatic spending time with her made me feel so much better As Time passed I noticed Lara was delaying our meetings previously every Friday I looked forward to her email explaining what she planned to do

over the weekend however the email's substance eventually changed to sorry I can't make it this weekend we're going skiing or we have other fancy sports or SL trips with stepfather I initially ignored this believing her stepfather was simply trying to keep her happy and that I should not be jealous I eventually concluded Lara didn't want to see me as regularly our weekly meetings became bonly then monthly only one day of the weekend I saw she was not enjoying our time together as much as she used to when it became clear that she was purposefully avoiding

me I challenged her I tried to explain that I was doing everything I could to keep her happy even overextending myself financially despite this she continued to forsake our weekends together she began lying claiming she had schoolwork or projects on weekends when in fact she was going out with her stepfather her excuses sounded real at times but they were mostly made up whatever little time we had together she would always complain about how much better it was going out with her stepfather since he doesn't look at the price tag before ordering anything even on trips

I accompanied her on she would prefer to spend time with her stepfather she began grumbling about tiny inconveniences that previously did not disturb her but she never stopped talking about the new PlayStation 5 or bike her stepfather gave her or the expensive stuff her mother purchased I felt she was too young to grasp that showering someone with material possessions is not love the problem got worse when she ignored me for almost 3 months despite several calls and texts I received no response desperate I called my lawyer and told him everything he informed me I could

sue my ex-wife for alienating Lara but Lara was 12 at the time and my lawyer advised that if she admitted in court that she no longer wanted to spend time with me it may exacerbate the situation Lara could say she needed more money to live up to her lifestyle ST which could imply increased child support yes I was already paying child support despite the fact that her wealthy stepfather provided so much for her I dropped the idea of suing my ex for custody there was no purpose my attorney advised we have a formal out of

court conversation with them it would help me understand what they wanted I agreed to go this way and my lawyer wrote them a letter with extensive allegations he said that we desired an outof Court settlement I had a strange sensation that my ex-wife would refuse to talk since she had enough money and time to burn in a court action to my astonishment she agreed to discuss and resolve this matter in front of the attorney my ex-wife's husband attended the conference as did my ex-wife and Lara they both swore they were Beyond this and had no

idea if Lara was ghosting me they admitted they had no part to play in it and stood aside allowing Lara to speak for herself Lara then delivered the most devastating blow of my life she demanded that I relinquish my parental rights that was 10 years ago yet I still remember the frightening event vividly I was dead silent for I'm not sure how long my lawyer pressed me for a response but I just stared at everyone what do I say when I looked at my ex-wife her lips twisted into a smile as if she knew what

was going to happen I took Lara's hand and murmured baby I hope you understand what you're saying giving away my parental rights would mean you could no longer call me dad you would no longer be my daughter she shook off my hand stared straight in my eyes and said yeah that's what I want I was astounded I ran out of words to explain the implications of her decision my lawyer attempted to explain the legal repercussions such as property concerns and other issues but she refused to change her decision she looked at her stepfather and questioned

once he disowns me you'll be able to adopt me as your daughter right he nodded with wide eyes and replied certainly darling words cannot express the bitterness I felt at that moment my world was destroyed to say the least I lost my sense of purpose in life after my wife of 15 years cheated on me Lara was the one bright spot in my life she was the one I looked forward to after working two jobs I didn't date anyone for 2 years after my divorce I didn't have the time and didn't want to I wanted

to give Lara my complete love and attention this is what I received in return she wanted to get rid of me my state was so pitiful that I couldn't think clearly my lawyer borrowed some time to respond to them I'm sure my ex and her husband slept well that night after seeing me in such a vulnerable position my lawyer drove me home after he went I cried like a baby for hours in my empty house my heart was filled with a wide range of emotions I contacted my folks and informed them of Lara's desire they

were completely terrified and hurried over to comfort me my parents particularly my mother were really close to Lara she had been caring for her for over a year when my wife needed surgery and was forced to stay in bed during that time my mother took care of both Lara and my ex-wife mom gave it a go but Lara insisted that I give up my parental rights she passionately wanted to be her stepfather's daughter he had informed her that he couldn't adopt her unless I relinquish my parental rights I asked my lawyer what my choices were

he suggested we could sue them for manipulating Lara but because she was 12 it would be difficult to show she was being manipulated besides they had the money to pursue a longc court action whereas I did not Plus what's the sense of battling when the person I'm fighting for has already decided on their side it was a lost battle I had no choice but to swallow the bitter pill and give up my fatherly rights I spent the next week wrapped up in my bed I left my second job who do I work for now I

lost all motivation to get up in the morning and go to work I took so many absences from my full-time job and struggled so hard that I was eventually dismissed I moved to a different town slept at a subway station and walked around like a crazy person for days I gradually got out of it found a new job went to the gym and enrolled in treatment it took me around 2 years to recover I didn't date but I did go on a lot of solitary tracks as a form of treatment during one of these visits

I met my current wife Briana she had a 5-year-old daughter named Emma after a while of dating we moved in together Briana introduced me to Emma for the first time and I broke down she reminded me of Lara I strongly wanted Emma to address me as Dad but I held back I did not want to damage myself again I had a healthy but distant relationship with Emma on her 12th birthday Emma requested me to adopt her I felt so overwhelmed I now have two kids Emma and Amy a three-year-old toddler with my second wife I

believe I've provided enough context on my circumstance fast forward to a week ago I was returning from work when I noticed a familiar face smiling at me as I approached I saw it was none other than Lara I felt Shivers as if I had seen a ghost she was taller Slimmer and much more attractive but it was easy to recognize her she ran up to me and hugged me saying Dad I'm your daughter Lara I finally found you I gazed at her with lifeless eyes and replied I have two daughters but you're not one of

them before she could say anything I began walking away she followed me me but I turned around and yelled quit following me or I'll report you I did not see her after that the next day she arrived at my residence as soon as I opened the door she exclaimed I apologize I know you're angry with me but please hear me out mom has died and dad I mean stepfather has brought his mistress home he doesn't love me as much as he did when Mom was living he's cut me off financially and says I need to

start earning my own money when I pestered him he threatened to disown me me I listened to her outburst and said with a straight face so what she began pleading with me for another opportunity I screamed at her to leave and Slamm the door in her face she then went to my mother and apologized she was able to persuade my mother with her emotions and now she wants me to reunite with Lara for the sake of our family the anguish she caused me is preventing me from reconciling with her am I an an asterisk asterisk

hole update one some of you inquired about my ex-wife wondering whether she was a gold digger if she manipulated Lara or if it was my fault so here's a quick background on my ex-wife we dated for 2 years before we married she worked at a neighborhood bar as a waitress while we were dating I was a regular there which is how we first met she was living with a cooworker I worked one full-time job and lived in a studio apartment that's when I acquired another job saved more money and purchased a house to accommodate her

we were married and she quit her work for the first 6 to seven years of our marriage she was pleased and content with my salary but then she began moaning about how her friends husbands earned more money she would even tell me that instead of settling for me she should have waited longer to find a richer husband it was offensive and we would have fights of course I couldn't just stand there and take the obscenities she hurled at me eventually our connection became chilly and distant one day she revealed that she had been sleeping with

a wealthy man and would be going out to live with him I didn't beg her to stay St but I did warn her that these wealthy men regard women like her as toys they play with them and then discard them when they're finished she said she didn't rush things this time and she'd been seeing him for 2 years she trusted him enough to live with him after that I didn't have anything to say I kept quiet and sucked it up some of you pointed out that Lara was just 12 when she requested me to disavow

her and that I should have battled for her you are correct that she was a juvenile when all of this occurred and I do not deny that she was emotionally and financially misled when she became 18 she had the option of contacting me but she chose not to she's now 22 and is just seeking out since her stepfather Cut Her Off financially someone questioned how my ex-wife died I didn't ask Laura about it but she informed my mother that her mother died from a serious illness Lara also had a liver condition and needed surgery as

a baby the problem is that Lara is exploiting my mother's emotions in order to assist her reconcile with me instead of discussing it over the phone I went to see my mother and discovered that Lara had fed her SOB stories to win her back she stated she was homeless had no employment or money and had been living on the streets since her stepfather kicked her out my mother requested I meet her and I accepted for her sake mom contacted Lara and she arrived within an hour I probed her aggressively and all of the facts came

out it turns out that her mother and stepfather spoiled her so much that she never finished high school she was too busy vacationing and dining with them to think about about schooling or school I'm not sure what that man was thinking by indulging her in this way I'm not sure what her mom was thinking when she allowed this to happen Lara insisted that everything she did and said including the parental rights issue and the ghosting was part of her mother's plan to embarrass me I asked her why her mother would do such a thing she

said it was because I didn't make enough to purchase her mom high-end clothing and accessories which had embarrassed her in front of her friends Lura claimed her mother devised the scheme to shame and humiliate me in front of her new husband listening to this was really distressing because it brought back all of the traumatic experiences I had worked so hard to forget I told Lara that the past was done her mother was gone so what did she want from me now she asked me to accept her as my daughter again when I questioned what would

happen after that she quickly said it means I would be your daughter and you would have my back I answered okay I will accept you as my daughter but all you will get from me is love I'm planning to give Emma and Amy my property insurance money and savings but I shall cherish you as my eldest daughter will that work for you she froze after stammering for a time she responded yeah we can discuss money later you are not going to make a will now are you I said yes Emma and Amy are already identified

as beneficiaries in my insurance and savings accounts I also bought a house in the new city and gave it to my second wife Brianna I won't change any of that for you if you're you're good with that bring me the document I signed giving up my parental rights and I'll have my lawyer prepare a new one to overturn it she answered yeah sure but remained mute for the rest of the conversation my mother offered her food but she rejected citing a pressing matter two weeks have gone and she has yet to turn up I pointed

this out to my mother adding that it was all about money Lara backed off after I informed her I wasn't going to give her any what a useless piece of work she is update two I warned you it was all about money and it certainly is Lara returned to my mother's house two weeks ago despite the fact that we had last spoken four months ago she looked awful with red puffy eyes covered in dark rings and rashes all over her body possibly caused by swallowing something she was sensitive to she was crying and screaming for

assistance she demanded money from my mother Lara explained that she had been living with a friend since her stepfather disowned her but that friend had now thrown her out as well she claimed to have sold the majority of her items to buy food in recent months but she now had no money or possessions mom questioned why she hadn't acquired a job Lura claimed she dropped out of school and no one would hire her mom recommended communicating with a friend who manages a bakery to see if she could get Lara a job as a cleaner or

something similar after all there are many careers that do not require a high school graduation Lara remained mute and wailed asking my mother for money mom gave her some packaged meals and $100 she also questioned why Lara had not brought the paperwork to challenge the disownment Lara stated that it was at her stepfather's place and that she would retrieve it next time she accepted the money and food then left Mom didn't tell me about this visit at first because she assumed I'd be upset with her 3 days earlier Lara returned to my mother's house with

the same sob story mom asked what she did with the money and Lara responded she spent it on groceries when Mom inquired about the job Lara did not provide a direct answer this time Mom refused to give her any more money claiming she didn't have any to spare and no more food she simply handed her a loaf of bread as Lara Was preparing to leave Mom inquired whether she had changed her mind about being my daughter Lara responded what is the sense of having him as my father if he isn't going to give me any

money he has given everything to his beggar stepchildren mom was taken aback by her statements and chased her out of the house threatening her not to return mom quickly called to tell me about both trips I did feel upset with her for assisting Lara the first time and I warned mom to be cautious while answering the door at night based on Mom's description of Lara's appearance it appears that she is engaged with bad company and may pose a threat to Mom especially since she is living alone following dad's death last year we want to seek

a restraining order against Lara in case she returns and causes trouble again today I went to my mom's residence I went outside to see whether Lara was around but I couldn't find her I will be staying here for a week I don't know what to do but I'm sad about her if what she said about my ex-wife is correct my ex went too far in her attempts to disgrace me destroying her own daughter's life if Lara is lying about it she has already paid the price for her nasty Behavior by the way someone remarked on

my previous post that everyone has the freedom to make their own decisions and Lara wasn't bad for choosing her stepfather over me she was simply on the wrong side I suppose that's true she made a decision 10 years ago and she has to live with the consequences for the rest of her life I threatened to cut off my children's inheritance if they don't become independent by getting real jobs am I the [ __ ] for being too harsh hi Reddit I am a 55-year-old father and accomplished company owner I've been running my own business for

about 30 years and I've done well for myself my wife 53f and I have been married for 29 years and have two adult children Caleb 28 M and 26f my parents left me a considerable Legacy when they died which helped me expand my firm to where it is today so let's pretend we're financially comfortable now this inheritance isn't just a sliver of change it's a life-changing sum of money that in the wrong hands might easily be wasted my wife and I have always recognized the benefits of hard work we did not come from a wealthy

family and had to start from scratch we wanted to give our children possibilities they didn't have but I'm starting to wonder whether we went too far I guess that's why I'm here I need guidance my parents were not tremendously wealthy but we did okay when they died they gave me a considerable Legacy primarily real estate which was rather inexpensive at the time however I did not use that money until I had earned my own I wanted to prove to myself and perhaps to them that I could make it on my own even after they left

so I threw my heart and everything into starting my business from scratch and it is now doing exceptionally well well my wife and I have always lived nicely and we have ensured that Caleb and Maya had everything they needed as they grew up they attended the greatest schools had unlimited opportunities and never had to struggle as I did but this is when things became difficult when I started generating real money I wanted to offer my children the life I never had they attended the best schools dressed the best and had everything they needed we established

trust funds for them when they were born so at the age of 21 they had more money in their accounts than I did at the time Caleb and mayia grew up in an entirely different environment than mine they never had to work summer jobs or worry about paying for college and now they grown-ups relying on trust funds with no actual jobs or ambition they live in their own little bubble entirely separated from the outside world I had always thought that as they grew older they would desire to make something of themselves but that has not

happened Caleb spends his days hanging around with friends and spending money on flashy gadgets whilst Maya is is into the influencer lifestyle attempting to construct a brand around herself with no actual substance they are both entitled lazy and frankly bullies they have never had to struggle and it shows I adore my children but seeing them like this is frustrating they don't seem to understand the worth of anything because they have never had to earn anything my wife bless her heart is far more patient than I am she keeps telling me they'll figure it out eventually

but I'm not convinced that is why I ultimately decided to take issues into my own hands it all came to a climax during a family meal a few weeks ago my wife and I were discussing our retirement plans nothing too serious just brainstorming ideas for what we might want to do after we retire from the business Caleb and mayia understandably were uninterested in the discussion until I indicated that we'd have to decide how to manage The Inheritance suddenly they were all ears I suggested that they take over the company in the future but they promptly

dismissed the idea Caleb chuckled and stated that he did not want to squander his life working and Maya made a sarcastic remark about how she is too preoccupied with her career to worry about it I could feel my blood boiling I asked them what they intended to accomplish with their lives and they just Shrugged it off Caleb claimed he didn't need to work because the trust fund was sufficient while Maya stated that she was building her brand whatever that means that's when I understood how far gone they were and that my biggest error might have

been giving them too much too quickly when I was their age I was already working hard to earn a living I was on building sites at dawn learning the craft from the ground up my children on the other hand appear satisfied to sit back and live off the family's Fortune with little desire to pursue their own success I attempted to convey that life is more than just coasting on what you've been given but they didn't hear me they made it apparent that they had no intention of working a real job or making any substantial contributions

to society it was like speaking to a brick wall after supper I could not stop thinking about it my children are grown adults but they behave like pampered teenagers I couldn't shake the notion that I had let them down somehow I spent years creating something that may prepare them for life but instead of appreciating it they simply take it for granted something had to change quickly the next morning I sat down with my wife and explained what I was thinking we needed to stand firm or our children would grow up to be useless people without

a purpose she wasn't delighted at first as I pre previously stated she is more patient than I am but she finally agreed that something had to be done at the next family supper I informed Caleb and Maya that I was modifying the terms of their inheritance they would no longer receive any money until they worked full-time for at least 2 years and by real jobs I mean full-time work that is unrelated to our family business and pays someone other than us there will be no begging for a position or requesting favors from our Pals they

needed to find their own path the Expressions on their faces were Priceless Caleb actually snorted as if he couldn't believe I was serious and Maya simply stared at me as if I had a second head I stressed that this was non-negotiable they could either step up and demonstrate their ability to succeed on their own or they could say goodbye to their inheritance Caleb was the first to react he slammed his Fork down claiming it was wrong that I was holding their Futures hostage Maya never to be outdone jumped in claiming that I was attempting to

wreck their lives because I did not come comprehend the current world my wife attempted to negotiate saying that we could find a common ground but I stayed fast I assured them that this was for their own good even if they couldn't see it just now Caleb and mayia left shortly after that they both stormed out in Rage screaming about how I was ruining everything my wife merely glanced at me as if she didn't know whether she should be angry or proud I told her I wasn't doing this to be harsh I just wanted them to

mature but even as I said it I wondered if I had made a big mistake the aftermath of that dinner was immediate and severe Caleb and mayia didn't communicate with us for a week which is rare given how much they rely on us for everything my wife was split between supporting me and wanting to smooth things over with the kids but she ultimately stood by my side she agreed that they needed a wake-up call no matter how harsh Caleb finally called but it wasn't to apologize instead he preferred to dispute he said I was being

unrealistic and that expecting him to find a real job was setting him up for failure he told me I didn't realize how difficult it was for his generation how the employment Market had changed and how he shouldn't be compelled to do something simply to illustrate a point I heard but did not back down I reminded him that everyone has to start somewhere and that if he was serious about his future he'd figure out how to make it happen Maya chose a different method rather than confront me directly she attempted to go through her mother she

informed my wife that she was supporting her brand and that I was hurting her career by pushing her to take a job she did not want my wife bless her attempted to be diplomatic but she eventually informed Maya that she needed to stop relying on us and start working on her own neither one of them took it well Caleb accused us of being out of touch and Maya claimed that we were sabotaging her progress they both threatened to exclude us from their life which seemed like a slap in the face but we did not back

down we informed them that this was non-negotiable and that if they wanted to inherit anything from us they had to demonstrate their ability to make it on their own we're now in a standoff my wife is attempting to maintain order but the children refuse to cooperate they've made it clear that they believe we're being unreasonable and they're not afraid to tell us so part of me feels terrible as if I push too hard but another part of me knows this is the correct thing to do they need to learn to stand on their own two

feet even if it means being furious with us for a while so Reddit am I in asterisk asterisk hole for giving my children this ultimatum I want the best for them but I don't want to push them away did I go too far or is this tough love just what kids need update one one month later things became even more problematic when I posted about what was going on with my children Caleb and mayia still enraged by my ultimatum decided to include the extended family they went immediately to my in-laws and even contacted several of

my cousins talking about how unfairly they were handled it wasn't long before before I began receiving phone calls and texts from various family members some of whom I hadn't spoken with in months all wanting to comment on the situation my parents-in-law were the first to call they were understandably anxious and wanted to know what was going on my father-in-law who has always been a softy believed I was being too severe and suggested I soften up with the kids my mother-in-law on the other hand was more encouraging of my decision she has witnessed firsthand how spoiled

Caleb and mayia have become and she is concerned that if we continue to enable them they will never learn to fend for themselves then my cousins joined in one of them who is more like a brother to me said he understood my point of view but cautioned me from pushing Caleb and mayia too far he reminded me that our generation was raised with different ideals and that I might need to be more aware of the pressures that young people face now another relative a successful lawyer accused me of attempting to control my children's life and

advised me to let them sort things out on their own even if it meant they failed despite the conflicting perspectives I remained steady I stressed to everyone who inquired that this was not about controlling Caleb and maia's lives it was about ensuring they had the necessary abilities and mindset to achieve on their own I wasn't asking them to become CEOs overnight but rather to demonstrate that they could hold down a job and contribute to society I knew it wouldn't be easy for them but I felt it was necessary Caleb and mayia did not take this

lying down Caleb the more rebellious of the two decided to start a business he claimed he was going to start day trading since he had read online about people making a lot of money doing it he poured his little funds into it but within weeks it was evident that he was in over his head he lost practically everything and then had the audacity to phone me begging for more money to invest I told him no that this was not the type of work I was talking about he hung up on me and we have not

spoken much since Maya went a different route she began attending networking events which appeared to be little more than parties where people drink cocktails and discuss their brands she said she was developing vital connections to help her Advance her profession but I knew otherwise it was just another method to avoid doing a real job when I asked how these events were translating into real opportunities she became defensive and accused me of not believing in her I informed her that I believed in hard work rather than playing pretend at this point it's evident that they're both

looking for loopholes in my ultimatum they want the inheritance without having to work hard and it's annoying to watch them spend time on these half-baked plans but as much as it hurts to see them struggle I'm not backing down Caleb and mayia began to make less phone calls as the weeks passed when they did the conversations were typically heated they both attempted to Guilt Trip my wife and me claiming that we were abandoning them and that they couldn't believe we were prepared to destroy our relationship for money Caleb even threatened to cut us off altto

together if we did not back down my wife was upset but I could tell she was beginning to see things my way she had always been The Peacemaker but even she was becoming upset with their behavior we both realized it wasn't just about the money it was about their Futures and we couldn't allow them to go down this road still it was difficult to hear our children threaten to break ties with us especially because all we wanted was for them to flourish on their own at one time Maya attempted to turn several of our friends

against us she claimed that we were unrealistic didn't understand the new employment environment and were setting her up for failure some of our acquaintances particularly those with Children of similar ages sympathized with her complicating matters even more we began to receive unsolicited advice from individuals who had no idea what was going on and it seemed as if the entire world had become engaged in our family drama despite this my wife and I remained on course we understood that succumbing now would only reinforce the behavior we were attempting to change but it was difficult really difficult

and I couldn't help but worry if we were doing the the right thing we decided to reduce Caleb and Maya's monthly allowances to make things more realistic for them until now they had been receiving a rather large sum from us each month which they spent for everything from rent to shopping spree but if we were serious about teaching kids to stand on their own this had to cease we also canceled the credit cards associated with our accounts if they wanted to continue living the way they had been they'd have to figure out how to pay

for it themselves the reaction was quick Caleb called enraged claiming that we were attempting to bankrupt him Maya wrote a lengthy emotional email accusing us of being uncaring and said that she didn't know how she would survive without our help my wife and I read it together and while it was difficult to watch her sad we knew it was the push they needed we responded by assuring her that this was a normal part of growing up and that we were certain she would figure it out if she tried for the first time they were confronted

with the reality of limited cash Caleb could no longer afford his expensive Hobbies while Maya had to cut back on her socializing they were both angry hurt and bewildered but we could only hope that this was the Tipping moment it was a tough love approach but we felt it was the only way to get through to them so Reddit what are your thoughts are we going too far or is this just what they need I'm staying solid in my decision but it's taking a toll on our family I would appreciate any help or insights you

can provide update two 6 months later hello Reddit we appreciate all of your help and advice over the past few months it's been a difficult Journey but I thought it was time to update you on what's happened since my last post first and first I'd like to add that I took several of your comments seriously particularly the ones about mixing tough love with emotional support so this is what has been going on let us start with Caleb he was missing for a bit after our most recent major disagreement he wasn't returning calls and when we

did speak with him it was evident he was still upset over the whole thing I knew he was going through a difficult period but I also realized he needed to figure things out for himself so we gave him space Caleb realized around two months after the ultimatum that he couldn't keep coasting on his remaining savings with no income and no help from us he was compelled to look for work he initially sought to apply for high paying opportunities in Industries where he had no experience but when those didn't work out he had to lower his

expectations he eventually got a job at a local manufacturing business it wasn't Flash and it wasn't what he wanted but it was a legitimate job with genuine hours and a real payment the first few weeks were tough Caleb frequently complained about the physical effort the early mornings and the monotony of the job he despised every minute of it and made sure we knew but my wife and I remained supportive encouraging him to persevere and reminding him that everyone has to start somewhere he gradually and I mean slowly began to acclimate he began to take pride

in his work and while he would never confess it to me I could tell he was beginning to recognize the significance of what he was doing he's been at the facility for nearly 4 months and while it's still not his ideal job he's no longer considering quitting every day he's even started saving a little portion of his paycheck which he'd never done before it's a little step but it's progress and I applaud him for sticking to it it's evident he's not quite there yet but I'm seeing hints of the guy I always knew he could

be now onto Maya her journey has been unique but equally tough after we took away her stipend and canceled her credit cards she tried to keep up appearances for a while she'd continue to brag on social media about her fantastic life but it was clear that things were falling apart behind the scenes Maya eventually understood she couldn't keep pretending things were fine people stopped attending networking meetings when they discovered she couldn't actually provide anything important in return and parties ceased being enjoyable when she couldn't afford to keep up with the crowd it was a terrible

wake-up call for her and for a time she appeared lost but then something interesting occurred one of the people she met at a networking event mentioned an entry-level position with a marketing agency it wasn't enjoyable and it certainly wasn't the influence or lifestyle she'd been looking for but it was a job after some coaxing and encouragement from my wife she applied and was hired she had a difficult first several weeks too Maya was not used to answering to anyone and struggled to acclimate to the job structure and deadlines she contacted us several times in tears

un happy with her supervisor or overwhelmed by her task but like with Caleb we remained supportive while telling her that this was part of growing up she gradually regained her footing she's been with the firm for approximately 3 months and while she still doesn't love it she's starting to understand the importance in what she's doing she even discussed taking some courses to hone her talents which is a significant step for her with both Caleb and Maya now working our family's Dynamics have begun to evolve our once stressful and unpleasant family unions have gradually become more

relaxed there is certainly some stress Caleb and Maya aren't delighted with their new circumstances but there is also a sense of relief my wife and I have tried to be there for them as much as we can without giving in or bailing them out and I believe they are beginning to appreciate that interestingly Caleb and mayia have begun to bond via their common professional experiences they have always been close but this is different they are commiserating about their work sharing anecdotes about their difficulties and even giving each other advice it's good to see them supporting

one another rather than relying solely on us for everything our extended family has also begun to come around the family who initially condemned our decision are starting to recognize the advantages they've seen the changes in Caleb and mayia even commenting on how much more adult they appear my wife and I still have moments of Doubt but we are increasingly confident that we made the right decision I won't lie witnessing my children suffer has been difficult there have been been times when I wondered if I made the right decision but seeing them gradually begin to figure

things out has been fulfilling in its own way I know they aren't out of the woods yet but they are making progress which is all I can ask for so that's where things are now I know this trip is far from over and there will be more hurdles ahead but I am cautiously optimistic thank you again for all of your advice and assistance it's been quite helpful as we navigate this difficult circumstance I'll keep you all updated if there are any noteworthy developments in the interim any suggestions for how we can continue to help Caleb

and Maya without coddling them would be very welcomed update three one year mark hi Reddit I am back with another update it's been about a year since the whole Affair began and I wanted to explain where we are now first and foremost I'd like to thank everyone who has followed our tale and offered advice it's been a difficult year but one of growth for all of us recently we held a large family gathering to review knew how things were going Caleb and mayia were both present as was my wife and it was the first time

we'd all sat down together since the inheritance ultimatum began I'm not going to lie I was nervous I wasn't sure how they'd react or whether they'd be willing to discuss their development but to my surprise the chat went better than I had anticipated I began by telling them how proud I was of the progress they'd made over the last year Caleb has stuck with his job at the manufacturing Factory and while he doesn't particularly enjoy it he has has made significant progress he's acquired a strong work ethic and his supervisor even told me via a

common contact that Caleb has been doing an excellent job he started saving money and is thinking of taking some night classes to better his skills Maya on the other hand has begun to establish her foothold in the marketing World she's still at the same company but she's taken on additional responsibilities and even directed a few small projects she started talking about her job with pride which I hadn't heard her do before she's also enrolled in several online classes to expand her knowledge and she's starting to realize the importance of working her way up rather than

expecting everything to come easily we discussed the inheritance circumstances again to ensure that everyone was on the same page I underlined that the terms remained unchanged two years of steady meaningful work before they could get their inheritance Caleb and mayia both accepted this without fight which was a huge relief it's evident they're not happy about it but they're not fighting it as hard as they were before as we were winding up our talk something unexpected happened Caleb added that his employer had been speaking with him about a promotion it's not a great leap but it

would entail more responsibility and a higher salary he appeared shocked that he was being considered but I was not I've witnessed the changes in him over the past year and I'm not surprised that his efforts are being recognized he's still sorting things out but for the first time he's discussing his job as a long-term profession rather than something he's doing to meet inheritance requirements ments Maya also had some news she's discovered a genuine joy for her marketing career particularly the creative aspect she's been discussing with her supervisor the prospect of moving into a more specialized

function and she's even considering returning to school to pursue a degree in marketing this is a significant departure from the Maya of a year ago who was more concerned with her social media following than with any genuine career path it's been incredible to witness these developments in them they're each starting to discover their own path and while they still have a long way to go they're making progress that I never imagined possible a year before our family Dynamics have improved as a result of all of this which has been both surprising and enjoyable there's a

true relationship today that didn't exist before our interactions are deeper more meaningful and less about money or material possessions Caleb and Maya are beginning to perceive us as more than simply wealthy parents we are individuals who care about their Futures and happiness we've also witnessed an improvement in Caleb and Maya's relationship they'd always been close but there was always a Competitive Edge between them driven by who could obtain the most from us or live the most extravagant lifestyle they now support one other in ways they never did before they've even talked about collaborating on some

side projects combining Caleb's practical skills with Maya's creative abilities it's early days but it's encouraging to see children thinking about how to help one another rather than relying solely on us this event has also brought me and my wife closer together we've had to make some difficult decisions as a team and while we haven't always agreed on everything we've learned to communicate more effectively and support one another through the obstacles it's been a learning process for both of us as parents and partners so Reddit is where we're at I am optimistic about the future but

I am aware that we are not yet out of the woods the coming year will be critical especially as they reach the 2-year Milestone of The Inheritance conditions we'll continue to assist them as best we can and I'll keep you all up updated on how things proceed any ideas or suggestions on how to sustain this momentum would be highly appreciated update four final update hi Reddit it's been 2 years since I initially sought your assistance and I wanted to provide you with one final update it's been a long trip and I can't thank you enough

for all of your help and advice along the way this experience has been tough but also quite gratifying as we approached the 2-year Mark the family felt a sense of expectancy Caleb and Maya were both aware that the inheritance circumstances were about to be reviewed and while they didn't say much about it I could tell it was on their minds they'd both come a long way since that fateful supper where I first laid down the law and I was curious how they'd take this final exam a few weeks before the 2-year Mark we held another

family meeting I wanted to sit down with Caleb and mayia learn about their experiences over the last two years and discuss what happens next my wife and I were both nervous and eager we'd seen so much progress ress in them but we knew this was a key time when we sat down for the meeting I began by acknowledging how far they had gone Caleb and Maya both appeared scared but I could see pride in their eyes they knew they'd worked hard and I wanted to make sure they knew we noticed and appreciated it Caleb was

the first to speak he discussed his time at the production factory and how he came to see work as more than simply a means to a goal he's been promoted twice since my last update and while it's still not his ideal job he's beginning to recognize the value of hard effort and consistent advancement he's also begun to take on some side projects utilizing the talents he's gained at work to create something of his own it's evident that he's considering his future in a way he never has before Maya then told her story she is still

with the marketing agency but her work has become more specialized with an emphasis on Creative projects she's also taken some college courses in marketing and design and she's discovered a genuine enthusiasm for her profession Maya has always been creative but now she's turning that creativity into something solid something that could lead to a real job she's pleased with her accomplishments and optimistic about the future after they were finished my wife and I discussed our ideas we told them how proud We were of their growth how they had overcome obstacles and learned from them we discussed

how important their trip has been and how it has prepared them for whatever is ahead then I surprised them I informed them that due to their growth we were increasing their inheritance I stressed that this was more than just a reward for completing the two years it was a recognition of the individuals they had become they were astonished and I believe overwhelmed but largely thankful for the first time I felt as if they genuinely appreciated the importance of what they were receiving not just the money but also the lessons they acquired along the road so

where are we currently Caleb and Maya are significantly better off than they were two years ago Caleb is still working at the company while also working on his own projects and he is considering starting his own firm eventually Maya is excelling at her marketing agency and is thinking about obtaining a degree full-time they've both matured tremendously and I couldn't be more proud so this is my final sign off thank you for following our story and helping us along the road if I could leave you with one piece of advice it would be to never be

hesitant to challenge your children no matter how difficult it may be sometimes the most difficult decisions lead to the greatest growth good luck to everyone and I hope your own parenting experiences are as rewarding as ours have been take care Reddit and who knows perhaps I'll return someday with another story until then cheers I've worked hard for 17 years to support my family only to discover my wife's betrayal and that some of my kids aren't mine original post hi I'll try to keep this short both in our 30s and have been together 17 years I

male 30s and am the Sole Provider for my family of six partner and four kids two high energy dogs I work 5 days a week and sometimes work on weekends if we need a little more cash my partner is a shm and hasn't worked since our eldest was born by her own choice I wake up at 5:00 a.m. and take the dogs out prepare kids lunches snacks ensure all School Essentials such as bags Etc are at the front door then head to work in a physically demanding job kids are picked up for daycare school at

700 due to Afterschool activities and clubs Etc they're not home until 6:00 I come home at 7:00 and make dinner most nights help with homework do beath time for the little ones do dishes take dogs out for a longer walk again put little ones in bed if the house is a mess I will of course clean it I pay for everything mortgage bills Insurance groceries clothes toys technology after school activities dates a woman to deep clean the house once a month my partner wants to go on a two- we long vacation with her friends which

will overlap with the weekend away I had planned with my brother who I rarely get to see as we live so far away she wants me to cancel my trip as she's tired and needs a break we got into an argument over it in which unkind things were said on both sides but I am unwilling to budge on this how do I get through to her that I need some rest tldr I pay for everything do housework Child Care Etc while my wife is a sahm she wants to go on a two-e long vacation with

her friends which means I won't be able to go on a weekend trip with my brother which was planned well in advance we argued in which she told me I need to help out more and I basically said what's in the title how do I get through to her edit lash additional info hello all sorry I haven't replied to many comments but I have read most of them I've seen a couple questions I'd like to answer and figured that making a post would be better than replying to individual comments my children are between 16 and

six my wife doesn't take anyone to their clubs SL activities Young younger Children's School finishes at 300 p.m. their clubs are in the school older kids school finishes at 3.30 they stay in a club until 4.30 and then go to a youth group with their cousins until they come home my eldest makes their way to and from school on their own while my youngest is picked up and dropped off kids are of course able to eat breakfast at home but often enjoy eating with their friends before school starts at 8 my wife doesn't walk the

dogs because she doesn't like to and frankly they don't like her I enjoy my time walking the dogs because it allows me some time to think we have a large yard with dog houses toys and some agility equipment for them to use while I'm gone they also get mental stimulation through Kongs and puzzle toys which have been prepared and stored in the freezer what does my wife do all day honestly she's not isolated she often tells me of things she's done with her friends sister mother Etc she goes to the gym does and enjoys Hobbies

such as embroidery knitting and some jewelry design she changes what she likes to do says it keeps things fresh housework wise she does the laundry I fold and distribute later she will give dogs water and prepared meals enrichment we have those robot vacuums and air purifiers to deal with the dog hair but my wife will vacuum if heated I wipe the countertops put dishes in the dishwasher after meals older kids take care of their own rooms bathrooms for an allowance have you ever not truly noticed something until it's right in front of your face I

was so mad because I wanted to go see my brother and she wanted to go on vacation with her friends yes she wants me to pay for it and things have been like this for so long that I didn't see how unfair and imbalanced things were until I truly started to look at how our duties were distributed you've all given me a lot to think about I'll answer some comments later update one some of you have suggested that I enable her behavior and I'd like to address it to explain how things got this way to

begin with my wife worked from age 16 to but I'd often come home after work during the early stages of her pregnancy and she would tell me of how bad the morning sickness had been and how she was getting in trouble at work for being late or not turning up due to the issues she was having one night after a long discussion about things she suggested that it would be easier and better for her and the baby if she stayed home during the pregnancy I was reluctant at first because we weren't exactly swimming in cash

but ultimately the health of my wife and child were more important than a few months of added stress to save Mone money we moved in with my wife's older sister and her husband we split rent and utilities but we still saving some money the pregnancy wasn't easy on her she was often cranky and uncomfortable and as a result could be quite mean rude and a bit handsy so after further discussions with my wife and her sisters I took on more of the household duties such as cooking Etc when my eldest was born my wife's sister

helped with child care while I was at work for the first year but after she and my wife had a fight when he was about a year old we moved into our own place but my wife struggled during the day when I wasn't there to help so we ultimately decided to put him in another daycare facility I would drop him off on my way to work and would pick him up on my way back home when I finished once home one of us would cook dinner while the other watched the baby back then we had

no pets so household duties weren't too much and could be handled by a couple hours cleaning on Saturday or Sunday when we could split it between us both when my son was three my wife's sister offered to get her a job where she worked my wife had to do an interview but my siil was confident she'd get the position my wife was reluctant and nervous about returning to work but attended the interview and was offered the job I don't remember much of our celebrations that night but it ended in the conception of our second child

my wife told me when she'd been at her new job for just over a month she stuck it out for a couple more weeks but was fired due to not turning up for shifts I asked one of her doctors about the issues she was having so early in the pregnancy back pain leg pain nausea Etc but my wife cut me off before I could finish and asked me to leave the room when we got home she berated me for speaking to her doctor like she was a child and told me that if she wants something

brought up to her doctor regarding her pregnancy that she'd do it herself I had embarrassed her because she knew her body and knew what was normal and what wasn't I still thought the issues had to be addressed with her doctor but whenever I brought it up her mood swings would get worse my meal came to live with us when my second was born for a short while when I returned to work after my paternity leave when my daughter was about 4 months old my wife expressed that she was having difficulty looking after her by herself

during the day but my Mill who had her own life and responsibilities couldn't come back and stay indefinitely we had a two-bedroom apartment then and having her sleep on the couch didn't seem fair to me so we enrolled my daughter in daycare while my son was at Nursery my son went to daycare after Nursery as well so I'd pick them both up around 6:00 p.m. and head home my wife promised she would speak to her doctor about the possibility of depression Etc and her mood did improve with the additional help with the children my wife

took on cooking and cleaning duties then but struggled as well I would often come home to burned ruined food and would need to make something else anyway so I ended up cooking dinner most nights so we wouldn't be wasting food during a weekend away for a friend's wedding when my daughter was five I suggested that my wife go back to work both kids were in school now and I thought we could improve our lifestyle with two incomes we we had recently bought a house because the apartment was too small for us and the children needed

their own rooms she seemed hesitant which I understood after being out of work for so long but she agreed she applied for several positions but had no luck with interviews or callbacks we found out she was pregnant with our third not long after that and returning to work was put on hold again the pregnancy was difficult as expected but again my Mill came to stay when I had to return to work she stayed for a while but had to return to her own home eventually before she left left my wife told me that she feared

she would struggle with our second daughter just as she had the first too I tried to reassure her but she seemed to become insanely depressed the second her mother left I would return home with the 8 and 5-year-old to a screaming baby and nothing done around the house her mood and actions affected the entire house so reluctantly I put her second daughter in daycare as well but I told my wife she had to talk to her doctor and that we'd no longer be having any more children she was and and we had a huge fight

about it but I got a vasectomy and she accepted it we've always used protection my wife is on birth control and I always use condoms but given that it had already failed twice for us when my first was conceived after my 21st I was so drunk I don't think I wore one our second after celebrating her new job and our third at our friend's wedding I didn't want it to happen again but obviously the universe had other plans for us and our third daughter was born 2 years after our second when we were celebrating a

promotion I'd gotten at work obviously this is a brief summary of events and there have been several other moments through the years when I've suggested she go back to work but I thought I'd try to provide further background for those who are curious about how we got to where we are someone asked if my wife has had a break recently she has never taken two weeks away before but she goes away a couple of times every year for weekend trips with family and friends the longest she has been gone is a week in regards to

the dogs and why they don't like her she doesn't like them she thinks the mental stimulation I provide through Kong toys games puzzles Etc is unnecessary but freaks out if their energy levels are too high one is a German Shepherd which I was gifted for my birthday and the other is a German Shepherd malinoa mix my wife brought home because she thought our GSD needed a friend yes they have been to training and we originally in Doggy Daycare for the first couple years on to the update update two so as one of you suggested I

took a day off of work I genuinely wasn't feeling too good either but I intended to speak to my wife about the situation while the children were at school kids all left for school by 7ish my wife came downstairs at 11.45 and seemed very shocked to see me she asked what I was doing at home and I explained I took a sick day as I wasn't feeling well the first words out of her mouth were but we need the money you don't look that bad I made a face and she quickly asked what was wrong

and asked if she could get me anything I asked for water and we sat on the couch but soon her phone rang and she went off into the kitchen to talk she came back a while later and asked if I wanted to get something to eat and I said we could make something from the kitchen she said she wanted to go out and I said we could order take out but I wasn't in the mood to go out the dogs had been sitting by the chest freezer waiting in the pantry for their lunchtime enrichment for

10 minutes now and I asked if she was going to feed them she flopped onto the couch and asked me to get it I said no she asked again and I said no again she glared at me but eventually got up and gave it to them she asked me to take her out again several times and I kept saying no I was starting to get a migraine which I told her but she kept asking suggesting we could go shopping she could get her nails done and we could enjoy the day together I refused said we

had something to talk about and she said we would then go upstairs she came back down 40 minutes later dressed up and said if I wasn't going to take her out she'd go herself I tried to get her to sit down so we could talk but she blew me a kiss at the door and rushed outside without even locking it while she was out I took some of your advice and canceled the cleaning lady we have I apologized to her as I really did like her but she was very understanding and I think we parted

on good terms she returned home at 8:00 p.m. and immediately asked where dinner was I told her the kids and I had already eaten she asked where her dinner was and I told her she'd have to make something for herself she said she' just order something and I told her no this gave her pause and she looked at me like I just told her she had to starve she said she couldn't cook and so told her I know she's perfectly capable of making something we have plenty of food it's not like she has to be

Gordon ramsy to stick a tin of soup or something on the stove she left again and returned 30 minutes later with McDonald's for herself which set the younger kids off yes they'd already eaten but she walked in the door finishing her burger and drink with an empty bag in McFlurry tub our youngest asked why she didn't bring her any ice cream and my wife said daddy said I wasn't allowed to I did not say this and I swear it took more strength than I'd like to admit not to yell at her in front of our

daughter when the kids were in bed I asked her to sit and talk about the situation regarding our trips she asked if I'd rescheduled with my brother and I firmly told her no and that I wouldn't be I tried to have a conversation I explained I felt our duties were incredibly uneven and that I'd like for her to take on more responsibilities with the children in the house she argued that she does enough and I asked her to make a list she put laundry down feeding the dogs making doctor's appointments and grocery shopping and I

brought out my own list with everything I've told you guys so far and added that I created the dogs meals she simply has to give it to them I fold and distribute laundry take kids to doctor's appointments and that the groceries are ordered through an app on her phone delivered to the house and I put them away she got up then I asked what she was doing and she said she was going upstairs I didn't argue I didn't want it to resolve an argument and wake the kids up she was visibly shaking with anger a

while later I went upstairs as well she was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded did I leave and go sleep on the couch I refused and climbed into bed she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again I refused she grabbed me and physically tried to drag me out that resulted in a fight and I ended up sleeping on the couch because she was going to wake the kids up again the following days were much the same I have stopped folding and

putting away her laundry I do it for myself and the younger kids and my two oldest take their piles and put them away themselves I still cook for the kids but have told my wife that she has to make her own meals Petty I know I think my eldest heard us arguing because he asked if he could take the dogs out for a couple walks with his friend during the week he hazes and he says he's enjoying it but I think he and my wife had an argument the other day because he's been very distant

with her and things just feel off he's asked me about three times if I love him or course I've told him there is nothing he could ever do to make me not yes I've tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to talk yet and I need to respect that I think pushing him could be a mistake Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother I had one but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted

to sleep she kept trying to initiate sex but I wasn't in the mood I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone so was her suitcase I've texted and called but there's been no answer other than a text telling me we'd talk about it when she's back she ignored me and went on her trip regardless and I am furious I have left her some cash in in the bank account she has the card too but have removed everything else into another account I had to tell my brother why I wouldn't be coming to see

him and he arrived here on Saturday with my nephew and two nieces the house is very full but honestly it feels more open than it has in a long long time the kids seem relaxed and so do the dogs I don't know what will happen with my wife but I am done I can't afford a lawyer right now and unfortunately I don't know anyone who could give me a deal or do me a favor but this marriage is over it should have been a long time ago tldr wife and I talked had an argument she

went on trip regardless and my brother is here with his family this sub only allows one update so if I post anything further it will be on my own profile relevant comments oop on if his wife might have undiagnosed health problems including PPD oop I spoke to her doctor about the issues she was having because she would not he asked her what was happening how she was and she would say the pregnancy was fine she was having no issues yet at home all I got was how hard things were how ill she felt how sore

she was screaming yelling at me I went to bed because I am 6.5 and work a physically and mentally demanding job it is not good for my body to sleep on a two-seater couch I wanted to sleep as I had work in the morning she escalated and got physical not me she made the argument worse not me undiagnosed PPD she has been to her doctor who had diagnosed her with nothing she she told me so herself and as for me knocking her up it takes two people to create a child we do not live in

America and my wife is pro-choice if she wants to terminate she has the ability to do so I told her after our second was born that I didn't think having more kids was a good idea and she insisted I said the same thing after our third and after my vasectomy and she lost her mind let her go on vacation and feel like herself For The First Time in Forever did she not feel like herself when she went on multiple weekends away last year with her friends does she not feel like herself when she's hanging with

the girls for lunch dates throughout the month do you know the last time I saw my brother in person before the pandemic he is here to support me if you want my wife to go on vacation so I can't then it's perfectly reasonable that my brother can come to the home I pay for when I need him are you my wife update three I'm not going to add this to the post as it's already long enough please excuse any spelling mistakes as I'm so tired thank you all but I'm not in America I know a

lot of you have suggested I message her telling her I'm going to divorce her Etc but I think I'm going to play it cool act like I've accepted her decision so she's not on guard I know she said something to my son but he won't tell me what it is and I feel like if I push him to he might not ever but my nephew and him are hanging out a lot they're close despite not seeing each other much so I'm hoping he might confide in him and maybe open up I'm not just letting this

go we will talk but I don't want to push him too much I am not not a lightweight I can drink but I have been exhausted and I mean very exhausted for some time now and I think that maybe that's why I passed out after having one drink but I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I wasn't suspicious I am suspicious a lot now I swear I'm not an idiot but I really feel like one now some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested especially my youngest

and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine my girls all look the same just older versions of each other so if I have to DNA test the youngest I have to do them all I never wanted kids this is why I've always used condoms I'm not the biggest fan of them but I love my own I love these kids regardless of the DNA test they are mine but I fear if it comes back that they're not it could damage our relationship

my brother has read my posts and spent the last days telling me everything he hates about my wife obviously not in front of the kids he's pretty funny and I feel like I haven't been able to laugh like this in a long time he says he's going to make a Reddit account Lord knows what he'll say writing this update has opened my eyes further I see how the timing of wanting her to go back to work leans up with each pregnancy but when these things are years apart and you're concentrating on supporting the family and

work your brain sometimes pushes these thoughts away until something triggers them again and boom you're slapped in the face with the realization that your entire relationship is potentially built on a mountain of Lies she has her phone and an iPad with her so I can't check any of that but I'm going to be going through her stuff is it in envisioning privacy likely do I care right now no I feel like I've wasted the majority of my life the good years and that feels horrible to say when I have four kids I promise I don't

mean that they're a waste as I said in the post this marriage is over I am done my kids deserve better but I won't be alone when I confront her as I said she can get handsy and no I have never retaliated and I don't want to be put into a position where I need to I thank you all for your comments your Insight your kindness I know I haven't replied to many comments at all but don't really have time to do so when there are so many but I am trying to respond to DMS

as that seems like the easier thing to do I want to ask my S what actually happened with my wife in that job but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious my S is a kind woman but she is my wife's sister so her loyalties lay with her I suppose and I don't want to alert my soon to be ex does anyone have any ideas how I can do this seems odd to bring up a job my wife had for a very brief time years ago I wish you all the best relevant comments oop

on the accusations for not respecting his wife's needs and wants o how do I not respect her needs wants I pay for everything and do the majority of the child pet care and housework I have not gone on vacation in years because I was providing for my family I have given her everything she's wanted for the past 17 years and she couldn't give me a weekend with my brother why couldn't we both go on vacation because I don't randomly have the money to fund two weeks away for her I can't just up and leave my

16-year-old to look after three younger kids and two high energy dogs I couldn't take them with me because that would mean multiple plane tickets and accommodations food etc for them as well as dog sitting boarding for the dogs new update hello all I'm sorry it's taken so long to update things are not good while this update will be small I will try to do a longer one when things are a little better yes we are separated and will be getting a divorce my Fel has graciously offered to help it's taken me so long to update

because as most of you already knew some of the children aren't mine my eldest son is mine my three daughters are not I found out not long after my first update and while I thought I could handle the news clearly my body couldn't and I had a heart attack thankfully my brother was with me and called an ambulance I am recovering but Jesus Christ scared the shite out of me and my family as some of you may remember when my ex left for vacation I took the majority of the money out of the account she

used but left some as I didn't want to leave her stranded that money about 500 or so was gone in a few days she used her own money that she's been making from only fans to fund her trip yes I'm serious she has only a fan account my son had offered to take the dogs out for me during his lunch lash free class time and walked in on his mother making content in the living room she told him that I wasn't making enough money for the family to survive and that she had to be the

only fan to help support us she told him I was ashamed and embarrassed and that I would be very unhappy and hurt if he mentioned it she told him that doing so could ruin our marriage and could lead us to divorce my in-laws know everything as my brother had to call them to help watch my kids while I was in the hospital my f is furious and my mil is just devastated she keeps apologizing to me like she's the the one who betrayed me my ex moved out she tried to make me leave so she

could stay in the house with the kids but after a conversation with her father she's renting a place my eldest daughter and my son know the girls aren't mine my ex told them after they said they didn't want to go live with her at her new place my Mill was with them at the time and according to my daughter began screaming at my wife for her behavior my youngest two don't know yet but they will this isn't something I can keep from them forever they already know that something is up I've cut my hours back

at work and have been able to work from home it's obviously a desk job for now but I am thankful to my boss for working with me on this I came home to find out that my Mill and one of my Sills had cleared out my wife's hobby space and made it an Office Den for me I am very grateful for their support during this I know it can and be easy to take the side of your daughter sister's ex partner during a breakup but I appreciate them while things aren't great by any stretch of

the imagination I feel strange things seem calmer without my ex in the house there seems to be more laughter around and even the dogs appear more at ease but I am so so angry which obviously isn't good for my heart I've wasted a huge chunk of my life raising kids that aren't mine in a marriage that was messed up from the beginning now please don't take what I said as me saying I regret my girls I don't at all they are smart beautiful cheeky little weirdos in love with all of my heart but the Betrayal

stings the fact that I've been working my ass off for years and she's been making thousands on only fans and been keeping it to herself stings I am ashamed humiliated embarrassed angry relieved it's a mess of emotions in my head but I know I'll get through it hopefully I need to for my kids and dogs if you have any questions I'll try to answer in the comments am I the [ __ ] for divorcing my wife after she thought I was lying about being raped as a child as context I was repeatedly raped by my

brother's babysitter when I was around nine she would grope me force me to remove my pants and then either stick my dick in her mouth or try and give me a hand job whenever my four-year-old brother slept most of the time I was paralyzed and wouldn't couldn't do anything to stop it she would always buy me sweets or video games for my DS as a reward so in a weird way I started growing attached to her and would try and seek the abuse if it meant getting her rewards I knew whatever she was doing was

wrong but she would always threaten to take my life if I ever told my parents so so I never did while the abuse was actively happening everything stopped as soon as she graduated college and moved States I only realized how [ __ ] up the things she did to me were when I was around 14 15s and understood the concept of consent when I tried to open up to my parents strict Catholics it never ended well first they blamed it on porn and claimed it corrupted my mind into imagining these things happening to me if

I claimed I was telling the truth my dad would beat the [ __ ] out of me and my mom would ground me I tried opening up to my friends but their reactions weren't any better my male friends just called me lucky and asked if the BJ was good my female friends claimed I was just lying to get attention and laughed in my face I learned to just try and forget the past and vowed to myself that I would never mention this to anyone again now on to last week my wife had heard some good

things about this show called baby reindeer on Netflix from our friends going into it I knew it revolved around sexual abuse and stalking in my mind I thought I was over the past and I could handle watching the show no problem big [ __ ] mistake at the end of episode 4 I was literally on the verge of tears and I felt all the supposedly forgotten memories come flooding back at the end of The Next Episode I couldn't hold it in anymore my wife paused the show and just stared at me after a while I

did finally manage to calm down a bit she asked me why I was crying and I just let everything out she said she was sorry hugged me and we went to bed soon after I apologized to her the following morning morning for ruining our night from the moment I let her know about the abuse I felt something change in our relationship no more kisses when I came back from work and no more initiating anything intimate from her side she wasn't mean or anything but I felt like something was bothering her I tried to apologize for

maybe making her uncomfortable but she would just claim there was nothing bothering her and I was just being paranoid yesterday me and my wife got into a pretty heated argument about her lying about taking out the trash but during the argument she said something that floored me beyond belief she literally said at least I'm not lying about being raped you [ __ ] narcissist I literally couldn't process whatever just came out of her mouth she tried apologizing right after saying that but I just packed a few clothes and left to stay at my friend's house

she tried calling me several times since but I haven't bothered picking up and have blocked her for time being I know I might have trauma dumped on her and I know women aren't into that but I just want some sort of acknowledgement support I don't have anyone left to turn to with this and that's why I'm posting here I've had two therapists to date and both didn't seem to help much my gut is telling me to divorce her but she's genuinely the love of my life throwing away six years because of this one moment doesn't

sit right with me but IDK wibta for divorcing her am I actually the [ __ ] here I would love to hear some of your guys opinions on my situation and if you've read this all the way through thank you relevant comments Danny Caps fan my heart aches for you being sexually abused is bad enough but but that nobody believed you and either mocked you or punished you for telling what happened is horrific and I was going to suggest therapy but I looked at your post again and saw that it didn't do much for you

maybe a Rape Crisis Center will be able to recommend a therapist who has experience with victims of CSA what your wife said is appalling it seems you feel she doesn't love you since your Revelation and isn't on your side that's reason enough to want to leave her NTA gnome 5314 NTA you did something Brave by opening up and she threw it back in your face I'm sorry that you faced such rejection your whole life unfortunately that is all too common for men who have been sexually assaulted it's up to you to decide if you want

her back but either way is valid op thank you so much I'm pretty sure this happens a lot to women as well I went to a few Anonymous meetings and heard a lot of the same from women who claim people just thought they were trying to get a settlement or something hot cross buns 72 NTA as a CSA Survivor the turning point for me in my marriage was when he told me to get over it and it's been so long we are now divorced while it wasn't the sole reason I left knowing that he wasn't

a safe space for me anymore if at all was a driving force so while I won't tell you to leave her I will say you do need to speak with a professional regarding the assault and keep her at a distance while you work through your emotions she can never take back what she said to you and there needs to be consequences for that send PHX and to add to the part about talking to a professional op you mentioned the ones you've talked to haven't helped I would keep trying and go to a different therapist until

you find one with whom you mesh well see if you can find one who has a focus on sexual abuse trauma and even check if they have experience in this area with male clients unlucky uncore addendum 3,425 NTA also I wouldn't call what you did trauma dumping you opened up to your wife you're supposed to support each other I'm sure she was probably shocked would explain some of her lack of empathy but to call you a liar and a narcissist no you've spent enough time being invalidated by [ __ ] deleted user not only that

weaponize the trauma of one of the worst things that could ever happen to someone to make op feel small guilty betrayed insecure alone invalid then call them a narcissist and a liar to retaliate for being called out not taking the bins out if it's monstrous op is right to consider that an instant relationship ends because [ __ ] me it's so many layers of evil imaginary Yak 6487 NTA therapy I'm a CSA Survivor I'm a woman I told my ex-husband about some of it after a trauma response to something he was attempting to do sexually

I wasn't comfortable and didn't think I could he seemed to be understanding one night after he had been drinking heavily he tried to do this again and I said no he said why not I'm not the one who are at pdu so don't take your [ __ ] out on me by denying me he assaulted me and did it anyway did y'all know that back in the late 80s there was no laws on the books about Marshall rape until 1993 BC you couldn't rape your wife back then he's an ex-husband for a reason she needs

to be an ex for a reason as well I wish you the best Lanna Shaw I don't think you can call that trauma dumping if she was some random girl you were on a first date with yeah sure but she's your wife and that's the sort of established relationship that should be a safe place for you to open up about past traumas the fact that it ended up asterisk not asterisk being safe isn't your fault and I'm so sorry that she responded to you the way she did I understand feeling conflicted about divorce because it

is such a hard thing to go through but you absolutely would not be wrong to do so I wish you the best whatever you decide to do aah does not have a consensus bot but oop was voted NTA and most comments most of the comments were supportive giving advice and telling their stories some downvoted commenters advised oop to Never Cry or open up in front of women update first of all I just want to thank everyone for all the amazing love and support for the first time in my life I felt heard and didn't just

feel like a burden to people I don't know what I did to deserve any of this but I just want to let you all know that I'm beyond grateful as for the update shortly after posting I decided to go back home I had work the next stay and didn't want to burden my friend with my marital issues any longer upon coming home I was met with her screaming at me for just leaving the apartment and ghosting her without having an adult conversation with her I just let her know how hurt I was by the things

she said to me and that I needed some time to myself to gather my thoughts she tried arguing back with how there is nothing to think about and that I was being an immature crybaby from that point onwards we have barely been on speaking terms I know a lot of people are going to be mad hearing this but the longer I thought about my marriage and my wife the more I wanted to give her another chance she wasn't Perfect by any means but neither was I a lot of my past relationships Ended as a result

of my past catching up with me but I really want to change it this time she isn't the first partner friend to have this type of reaction to what I went through I know it's tough but I feel like I just needed to bite the bullet if it meant keeping my sanity I didn't want to start over again after we somewhat started talking to each other again I sat her down for a serious conversation and let her know again how hurt I was by everything she said I let her know about all the ridicule I

suffered as a result of me opening up and her having the same reaction just reopened unhealed wounds she just kept quiet until I mentioned coup's therapy she then started crying but not for the reason I thought I tried holding her but she just pushed me away and screamed that I seriously thought about ending our marriage over some silly argument we had and that I was just trying to make up some sob story after watching baby reindeer for attention and sympathy according to her all of this was just too convenient to be believable if it was

real why didn't I mention any of this throughout the 6 years we have been together at this point I even started tearing up I apologized for keeping this from her for so long and then tried reassuring her that I in fact wasn't making this up but she just slapped me and stormed off to bed that was a week ago and I have been sleeping on the couch ever since whenever I try to speak to my wife she just makes snarky comments towards me and just storms off I just cry myself to sleep most nights and

just wish I never [ __ ] watched that show none of this [ __ ] would have happened I currently don't have the money for therapy and just feel lost I don't want a divorce I want to try and make this work but this whole mess is just so draining I'm not in contact with my family so I don't have anyone I can turn to with this how would you guys move forward in this situation relevant comments just Anthony there is no saving this relationship from the looks of it you're going to end up miserable

and ultimately stop telling her things to avoid arguments Andor belittling from her end be honest with yourself what exactly are you looking for in marriage counseling she'll need her own individual therapy before she can take on marriage counseling it won't get anywhere if only one person acknowledges there's a problem op I understand you've been with her for six years and she's by far the best you've had but she isn't the best for you let alone the one why compromise the rest of your life to her when you can get out and move on you're only

27 you have so much time to get out there and find someone who loves and respects you all of you you still have so much time to find someone who will take you in your trauma seriously who will work with you every step of the way no matter what it is who will own up to their own faults in a so-called adult conversation you deserve better you know you do don't settle for less you wouldn't treat yourself the same way your wife does get therapy when you have the money and work on yourself if you

believe that you have flaws of your own that contribute to a Rel relationship's failure it's a cliche saying but it's better to have no company than Bad Company op everyone here supports and believes in you the only person left is you you can do it within 10 years you will look back at this and thank yourself for leaving this situation it's hard work but you can do it fits design at the end of the day staying with her is increasing your trauma please leave her for your own sake ratty handwriting sir I have been married

for 18 years I have known my husband for 22 years after 9 years together he disclosed that he was attacked and raped at the age of 14 after knowing throughout our relationship that I was also a survivor of child sexual abuse I tell you this because I want you to know what my response was I held him while he cried I asked if he wanted to report it to the police I supported him when he didn't I encouraged him to seek counselling when he was ready I talked to him about my own experiences at no

point at no Point did I belittle him disbelieve him make him feel less of a man criticize him tear him down and I certainly did not act physically violent towards him your wife's behavior is so far on the other [ __ ] side of normal I wonder frankly if she's human you deserve better this is cruel and vicious behavior on the part of your wife she's a horrible horrible person and she will never improve but you have the rest of your life to live happily please please please walk away odd underscore task a 8,211 what

you are going through isn't normal and this is not a healthy relationship your wife is abusive she belittles your experience as an abuse Survivor then she hit you that's three strikes in my book you can do much better than this abusive woman for your own mental health you would be better off without her o o I understand but I'm afraid I won't find another GF wife after her I have issues being intimate sexually and rightfully a lot of women aren't into that my wife was waiting till marriage so it worked out perfectly for the both

of us sons of Sparta 1, 1984 dude I was also raped as a Boy by a man there's plenty of women who don't judge for that kind of thing the fear of being alone shouldn't keep you in an abusive relationship up until where she slapped you it could have been explained Away by a bad reaction to uncomfortable information but it's never okay to hit someone you're in a relationship with regardless of who has what in their pants op yeah she wasn't the first partner I've had that slapped me I just added it to my update

thinking it wasn't that big of a deal but people here have made me realize it isn't normal first uncore Alfalfa 28005 people start over in their 70s and you are going to stay with this unsympathetic woman a woman who doesn't care enough to believe you and then belittle You Are you seriously willing to stay in this relationship sir you were sexually abused your wife doesn't care and isn't supportive and is Al abusive towards you well if you don't want to start over Okay op thank you but please understand that I've spent 6 years with her

seven in August she's the first one that was willing to accept some of the flaws I have edit I've realized that I'm just beating a dead horse by using this as justification to stay with her I'm contacting a divorce lawyer Mike Reddit 74 you're talking about what's called a sunk cost fallacy it's the belief that because you've invested so much time and money into something that you can't give it up this marriage has run its course burdened m79 accept you she ridiculed you and then when you apologized which you did not need to do quite

frankly she physically assaulted you she called you a liar and struck you this woman does not accept you she's even turned down the option of Coupes therapy so clearly has no interest in making this work what she wants is for you to be wrong and her to be right and she's not going to change until you B your reality to fit her desires you can't do that because it will destroy you if you think wasting 6 years is bad just imagine how you'll feel when you've wasted 40 years on someone who belittles your trauma and

hits you when she can't handle the reality of a situation think about that for a while do you really want to spend decades living with someone who thinks the best way of dealing with situations she doesn't like is to Simply hit you and run away you can do better new update again I just want to thank everyone for the amazing love and support you guys have shown me on my last two posts even though the response on my last post wasn't what I expected it was a reality check for me I'm beyond grateful for all

the DMS and I promise I'll get to responding to all of them someday but I'm going through a lot at the moment so please bear with me I have over 200 unread DMS after I posted my update I realized that I was definitely in an abusive relationship and even though I wanted to make the marriage work she has shown zero willingness to change her attitude towards what I went through 2 days after posting my update I contacted a lawyer and filed for divorce I gave her plenty of chances and she has time and time shown

me that she won't even acknowledge my trauma let alone show me any form of support I initially kept everything a secret and slowly started preparing my assets savings joint bank accounts Etc I did finally tell her about me filing for divorce and she didn't take it well she tried fighting it and claimed I will never find anyone else that's willing to put up with a giant [ __ ] who can't even admit he wanted whatever happened to him according to her no woman is willing to put up with an attention-seeking crybaby like myself I'm not

going to lie what she said got me and for a brief moment I considered halting the divorce but after she came home drunk one night and berid me for an hour straight she snapped me back into reality I don't know where the woman I fell in love with went but that wasn't her Looking Back Now she'd given me plants of red flags but I just ignored them for the sake of being loved for once in my life for once I wasn't called gay for not being able to have sex when immediately getting into a relationship

wasn't laughed at for having random seizures Etc I moved out of our apartment after her rant and have been staying with my friends ever since after she realized I wasn't coming back anytime soon she dm'd all my friends claiming that I was an attention [ __ ] and was making up some sob story about being raped and that she was the one actually filing for divorce not only that but she also told them that I was physically abusive and according to her they shouldn't hang around a guy that hits women most of my friends just

immediately called me names told me I failed as a man and blocked me the friend I'm currently staying with seems to be the only person on my side I also want to mention that I moved away from the us to live with my grandparents in Europe when I was 19 I mentioned it in one of my comments so I thought I'd mention it here there were people who thought that she might have contacted my parents and that fueled her reaction to the abuse I faced there is literally zero chance she can contact them since I

didn't even and tell her their names I was doing an apprenticeship at a bank and she even started sending them evidence of me abusing her I have no clue what she wrote to them I had a meeting with HR on the 20th and they've decided to fire me I tried fighting it but they just said that I wasn't worth the hassle I'm now back doing construction don't have a proper education and have lost almost all of the people I'm close with I'm just beyond tired at this point not angry not sad just numb I feel

like whenever I try to take a step forward I take three steps backwards maybe I am just this unlovable and pathetic maybe I deserve all that's coming to me I just don't know anymore as stated by the title this will be my last post Reddit has given me so much great advice and made me realize so many things and I'm beyond grateful for every single one of you who helped me but it's also destroyed my mental health for every 50 positive and supportive comments and DMS I've received I've had one person say the same things

I've heard all my life and I've let those people get to me a lot of people asked me why the hell I have such strong feelings towards my babysitter giving me [ __ ] first of all I was nine and she on multiple occasions threatened to take my life second of all I left a lot of the other details out of my post because those memories are just too painful and I didn't think it was relevant for the purpose of my original post I'm going to mention them here since I've nothing left to lose at

this point she would shove things up my ass like cucumbers pens Etc she would regularly hit me in the balls to punish me for disobeying her she would would dress me up as a girl and would force me to dance for her and pose in suggestive positions there were times where I couldn't walk properly because of the things she did to me and I got ruthlessly bullied in school as a result how would you guys navigate my situation any advice would be appreciated thank you so much for reading this far into my post and supporting

me over these past few weeks just a big thank you to two youwriting mmore romance and you in that page for checking up on me and genuinely being amazing human beings they help helped me through some seriously Dark Times relevant comments historical main 8,196 I'm so sorry you didn't deserve this not at all please change your number and any other contact information you have if you are still at your friend's place please use that time to find a job something you can use to support yourself I don't know how hard it may be for you

to get an education degree but it doesn't hurt to try also if she comes at you again document any form of contact in case the authorities get involved exer 96 I'm so sorry for what has happened to you you deserve better I'm surprised most of your friends really believed her story over yours did you try to explain your side to them o yes but they didn't listen she used my mental health issues ADHD and BPD as a way to back up her claims and they all believed her Bas clean I'm terribly sorry that this happened

to you all of it I am a survivor too and it really [ __ ] you up it never leaves you but you can work through it it takes time and dedication I'm sure that there are free support groups I don't know where you are located but in the US there's one that's specifically for male survivors just keep taking good care of yourself I'm so glad you found support here you deserve it and all the good things also she is obviously a miserable person and Karma will come for her I feel like you have a

form of receipts in your posts here to show your innocence but who would want to be friends with people like that it's a tough pill to swallow but just look at the whole thing as getting rid of a lot of dead weight I would also consult with a lawyer about that employer letting you go LMK if there's anything I can do to help