What is AEDP? | Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy - Part 1 of 3

There are many reasons we humans suffer and  a lot of that suffering is unavoidable. It is impossible not to feel pain when we experience  loss or illness or misfortune or Injustice. That being said, much of our suffering is internally  sourced and a lot of that unnecessary suffering has to do with the shame or anxiety we feel in  relation to some part of our inner experience.

While it might be adaptive to be afraid of  real threats we face from the outer world, it is a shame to be afraid of ourselves. And the  truth is, most of us are. We are afraid of, maybe even enemies with, some part of our own mind. 

And what part of our mind is so often laced with fear or shame, our emotions. This is a big deal  because when we are afraid to feel our feelings, whether that be our grief or anger or even our  joy or sexual energy, there's a huge cost to that. This is why many therapies work with  emotion.

Today I'd like to talk to you about one of these in particular called AEDP,  because it perhaps leads the way in terms of supporting clients to regain access to  the fullness of their emotional world. Through really careful, mindful and deep work,  AEDP therapy helps us reclaim our capacity to emotionally connect to ourselves and others. When  that shift occurs what follows is this unfolding change process that leads to greater wellness  and connectedness and vitality.

So let's dive in. [Music] My name is DrTori Olds and in this video  I will be giving an overview of AEDP which stands for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic  Psychotherapy and was developed by Diana Fosha. AEDP offers incredibly deep and heartfelt work but  I want to actually start by pointing out that AEDP has a lot of academic grounding.

I don't only mean  that it has research behind it, which it does, but even more powerfully, that it weaves together many  strands of intellectual and scientific theory like attachment theory and interpersonal  neurobiology, affective neuroscience, trauma theory, the science of transformation and  neuroplasticity. There's a lot of intellectual rigor and history that went into the formation  of AEDP. Now, perhaps because of that rigor, descriptions of AEDP are often quite academic with  a lot of jargon, which is understandable given that it's a complex and sophisticated model.

But  underneath all its complexity and sophistication, at its core, AEDP is simply about two humans  coming together to share a true moment of meeting. Why is that such a profound statement? Because  most the time when we sit across from another person we are not actually fully connecting, at  least not from our deeper self.

In other words, the deepest, most honest, often most difficult  parts of our experience are locked away. We small talk, we intellectualize, we joke around, we  debate, we storytell, but rarely do we share what we are feeling. Now we don't need to share what  we are feeling with everybody or in every context, but we do need at least some people in our life,  even if just one person, who we feel emotionally known by.

And for many of us, the way we've been  conditioned by our trauma or our society does not make it easy to show up in a way that we can  be deeply known. Sometimes it can be difficult to even deeply know ourselves. Now there may be  many reasons we struggle to connect to ourselves or others, but very often at the center of our  difficulty lies our relationship to our feelings.

Why? Because emotion is central to the  active connection actually beginning with our connection to ourself. Why do I link  emotion to our ability to connect to ourselves?

Well, it's almost like emotion is the thing that  helps us, almost forces us, to pay attention to ourselves and to the things that matter to us.  In other words, to our needs, you know, desires, interests, our values. For instance, if we're  in a situation where we're not getting a need met or even being harmed, or perhaps witnessing  something that's not aligned with our values, it's emotion that will let us know and force  us to do something about it.

The truth is, if we didn't have emotion it would be all too  easy to ignore ourselves and our experience. Our emotions force us to show up, in a way. To  confront the truths of our life and have some skin in the game.

When we allow our feelings to do  their job they can serve as this amazing compass, so that we can continually move forward in  creating not only a generally better life, but a life that will match our true self. However,  emotions not only communicate to us, "hey, it's time to show up, this matters to me," they also  communicate to others, "hey, it's time to show up, something matters to me. " Look we're meant  to face challenges or opportunities together.

That's why we've evolved to really telegraph  what we're feeling whether through crying or you know blushing or the tone of our voice. If we  can track each other emotionally it helps us to know exactly when to connect and what to connect  around. That's why being emotionally attuned is the best gift we can give another person. 

It's like emotion weaves us into connection. When we're willing to show up and be curious  about another person's emotional experience think about all we're learning. First, we are  learning about the reality of their life, which seems important if we want to be on their team. 

But also we're learning about the reality of who they are because we're getting a window into what  matters to them. Now, it probably goes without saying that that kind of connection where we are  sort of weaving our lives together, especially around things that matter to us, that that kind of  connection would have likely helped our ancestors survive. In other words, it is for good reason we  evolved to have our feelings and to want to share those feelings.

There's almost nothing better for  our chance of surviving. Given that that is the case, our brain loves to be emotionally known.  Now, different brains, on like a temperament level, might have different needs around how to  come into that kind of connection, so I don't want to say anything like too cookie cutter, but in  general, to be accurately known is the best news possible from the perspective of the brain.

Which  is why it rewards us when we emotionally connect. Now, you might be someone who's had this  experience, maybe you've had the chance to cry with someone or just feel really heard, and if so,  you can probably attest to how amazing that feels. However, you might be thinking, "I've never  had that experience and I'm pretty sure my brain hates emotion.

" Okay, so think of it  like this. Picture emotion is like water. We don't really have to learn to like water, our  brain just identifies it as something we need and it's just natural to drink it when we're thirsty. 

However, what if every time we were offered water in the past it was poisoned. Well, then we might  be conditioned to have a disgust or fear reaction or avoidance of water. But what kind of poison can  enter into our experience of our emotions?

Well, memories of being punished or shamed or neglected  in the face of our feelings. In other words, we can learn to expect or predict that if we allow  ourselves to feel, 1. no one will notice or care.

2. if they do notice they might punish us or shame  us in some way, right, it'll lead to rejection. We can also learn things like, "you know, if I let  myself feel I won't be able to handle my feelings and will be overwhelmed by them" or even, "someone  else won't be able to handle what I feel.

I might harm them if I'm too emotional. " For many of us,  we expect those kinds of negative outcomes around emotion, because that is what we experienced.  Even having our parents simply ignore our emotions is enough to produce great difficulty for us. 

Why? Because right in the moment where we are confronting something hard or painful, the thing  we're upset about, we now are secondarily having to confront something else that's hard or painful  which is that no one seems to care. No one even noticed that I was upset.

Or if they did notice,  they didn't come toward me in a helpful way. That kind of experience not only makes us feel  alone but is often linked to a state of overwhelm. Now, in the research we call that insecure  attachment because emotion isn't doing the job it is meant to do, which is to attach us to each  other, and when emotion fails to be connecting but is rather distancing there are two core learnings  that sort of get imprinted in our deeper brain.

1. emotion is bad. At the very least it's pointless,  but probably is also going to, you know, take me somewhere very painful and overwhelming and 2. 

that I am fundamentally alone. Now, AEDP works to heal both of those two important pieces. It's  almost like taking the poison out of the water.

How, by giving us a new experience around emotion  where it can do its job of fostering connection or attachment. While the ultimate goal is for the  client to develop a secure attachment relationship with themself where they can notice and support  themselves during emotional moments, that template of security is actually learned first through  the relationship with the therapist. Where the therapist can model a new response and willingness  to attune to and co-regulate our emotions.

So why might we expect an AEDP therapist to  do what our parents were unable to do? Well, AEDP therapists work hard to develop what's  called affective competence. In other words, skills around emotional awareness and attunement  as well as their own strength and capacity to be present in the face of emotions, while holding  a deep understanding around why doing so might be difficult for us.

In other words, an  AEDP therapist comes prepared to help. Now, this is different than a lot of therapies we  might be used to where the therapists just kind of passively listens, maybe reflects things back a  bit, or is empathic, but really doesn't say too much. No, an AEDP therapist is actively engaged. 

Why? Because they know they're asking their client to do something that is incredibly scary and  honestly that without the right support will most certainly falter. The reason I say that is  because when we've had negative experiences around our emotions, it's almost like the moment we touch  into those emotions again, our whole brain starts to pulse with the expectation, "I'm about to be  rejected, you know, I'm about to be overwhelmed.

" Such that, touching on emotion makes us feel a lot  of anxiety. Or, if we've learned that emotions are weak or too much for others, we might feel a lot  of shame. That kind of anxiety or shame you can think of as secondary emotions.

Secondary emotions  are feelings about our feelings. If we return to the poisoned water metaphor, if our emotions have  been laced with anxiety or shame, we will want to push them away. In AEDP we call that pushing away  moving into our defenses.

Now this can all happen so quickly and unconsciously and with such energy  behind it. This is why an AEDP therapist or really any therapist wanting to explore emotion can't  just sit back. They need to do what in AEDP is called moment by moment tracking.

Moment by moment  tracking looks like helping clients mindfully track their inner shifts, whether from defenses  toward anxiety, toward emotion, maybe back towards some defenses, all of those inner shifts,  exactly as they're happening in the moment. So the stance of the AEDP therapist is, "let's be  conscious of what's actually happening so that we can actually help you. " If shame is triggered,  this help might look like me as the therapist, you know, offering reassurance that I'm not  judging your emotional experience or maybe even disclosing that I too have been through emotional  difficulty.

Or if the client is feeling anxious, maybe together we could try to have some  compassion and understanding around why this might feel so scary. Or use some mindfulness  or even take a breath together. But again, it's let's take a breath together.

It isn't just  let me teach you how to regulate your anxiety through a breathing technique and that's the whole  therapy, we're done. No, it's let's regulate your anxiety together so we can see what happens next  and what is likely to happen next? Well, if we're able to soften some of the shame or anxiety,  sort of take care of those parts of us first, in a way it's almost like a little more security  has entered into the system.

So now there's more trust and hope and that trust or hope will likely  help us to feel safe enough to deepen into some of our more core emotions underneath. You know, our  anger or grief or longing. We call those kinds of emotions core affect.

Core affect is just another  word for what we are truly feeling underneath. Of course, identifying the emotions underneath  is not the end of the story. Once core affect is accessed, the therapist continues to do moment  by moment tracking, that way the client can still feel really joined and accompanied as the wave of  emotion is moving through.

Now, this may be a very tender piece of work where the client is getting  in touch with inner child places that need to cry, you know, and feel held. Or it may be more  enlivening work where the client is accessing their anger and pictures you know what they would  do if they were really free to fight back. But no matter the type of emotion, it is real alive  and in the body.

This is deeper than catharsis. I prefer to think of it as completion. It's like  when emotions are finally able to do what they were created to do, you know, to connect us to  the truth of our life, and to each other, and to clarify what we need and motivate us to act on  that need, I really picture it like an arc where we start off feeling some kind of deeper pain but  as we move through it, as it sort of crescendos and then softens, where it takes us is somewhere  so much better.

And when we notice how much better this new place is, it's like we've just defied every expectation of our unconscious mind. Our unconscious mind predicts that emotion will  lead us to feel small or alone or overwhelmed, but instead we experience our emotions moving  through in this really natural, doable, even rich and meaningful way. We predict our emotions  will lead to rejection but instead we can see how they can serve as the very medium through which we  feel more connected.

We expect that our emotions will be muddled or confusing, but instead  we find that they help us arrive at greater clarity and empowerment. Diana Fosha says we want  our clients to have a new experience and for that experience to be good. Now, that doesn't happen by  magic.

It happens because the AEDP therapist does the opposite of what we unconsciously predict  people will do. Instead of pulling away in the face of our emotions, the therapist steps in.  Instead of being overwhelmed by our emotions, they are strong and able to stay present.

Instead  of leaving us to be overwhelmed by our emotions, they pace the process and work to co-regulate the  emotions with us. And as all that is happening, as we are able to feel our feelings in a way  that feels right, and truthful, and empowering, then one by one, each fear of emotion  that we have can be deeply undone. And through that process, what we are also, maybe  even more profoundly undoing, is our aloneness.

Diana Fosha is really clear that at the heart  of the AEDP model is the mission of undoing our clients aloneness. Now for a moment,  I just want to let that statement breathe. The goal of AEDP is to undo our aloneness  and what does that have to do with emotion?

Well because nothing makes us feel less  alone than being emotionally known. To be emotionally known, sort of, breaks the  illusion that aloneness is the only possibility. Now, throughout this talk I've been clearly  linking our core loneliness to our fear of emotion, but in truth, it is not only our fear of  emotion that can cause parts of our true self to be sequestered away, there are many other parts of  our true self that can feel scary or bad as well.

I'm thinking here of our sexuality, or some  part of our identity, or our neurodivergence, or maybe the questioning of our faith, there are  many parts of our true self or true experience that can become buried. But even when it is  those pieces that need attention, emotion can be a lovely path inward, because again, emotion  is all about speaking the truth of our life. Let me begin to wrap up by quoting from  my mother, who's an amazing therapist, who also does very deep, emotion focused work. 

And she talks about finding the parts of us that have been sequestered away and working to  rescue them. She tells her clients, "look, there are parts of you that are living behind a wall of  shame. If you'd like, I could come up beside you, gather our courage and together  we can go on a rescue mission.

Now what she's describing is not touchy feely,  lightweight work, it's like a serious mission. It takes courage, takes a lot of technical skill  and intelligence on the part of the therapist, as well as a deep commitment to maturity and  care. It's kind of like, all hands on deck, you know, all the client's and the therapist's  capacities need to pull in the same direction, so that something entirely new can emerge.

Why  are all those capacities required? Because it's like going for the ultimate gold in a way,  you know, the liberation of our true self. I say that because when the brain is no longer  having to do all this work just to make sure we don't feel, it can just work.

It's freed up. It  shifts from preoccupation with avoidance toward a stance of engagement and this shift leads not  only to relief, but all sorts of other positive emotions and states, deep peace, deep love,  including for ourselves, you know, strength, passion, aliveness, you know, real pleasure, and  joy. The truth is, those are just natural states that emerge when the brain is no longer bogged  down in fear.

And a beautiful insight of AEDP, and this is probably Fosha's truly original  contribution, is that instead of feeling better being the end point of the work, in AEDP,  it's just the beginning of another chapter. To use a metaphor, let's take everything I just  described around the therapist supporting the client to finally grieve or move through  their anger or truly express themselves, and let's imagine that process as this amazing  exhale. Using that imagery, I'd say that what we found is that just after the out breath  there's this natural and stunning in-breath.

And we want to linger with that moment because  it's like our chance to breathe in life again. And actually, that piece of the work is  what we will talk about in the next video. But before we close, I just want to say that  therapy doesn't have to just be about learning to better regulate or control our inner  world.

It can be about undoing the fears that drive all that chaos and or deadness in  the first place, so that our mind no longer needs to be so regulated or controlled. When we  can make that shift, this amazing mind emerges. The goal of AEDP goes far beyond simply no  longer meeting a diagnosis, it goes all the way toward being able to experience what it  can truly mean to be fully human.

The beauty, and meaning, and fulfillment that comes when we  allow ourselves to finally be unabashedly alive. Thank you for watching. Thanks so much for  watching.

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