I live in a small town in the Southwest. I regret staying out after dark.

several years ago I suffered a small stroke which I was lucky enough to walk away from at only the cost of many of my long-term memories it fragmented that part of my brain to the point that I had to relearn much of my teenage and early adult life from photos and exposing myself to those people and places again sometimes my memories are spans of imagination to bridge the gaps I remember my family in patches up to my teenage years and not much between my second year of high school and my mid 20s with gradually more

detail as I reached my 30s up to my 40s where I have no problems sometimes it feels like I never saw the first few seasons of the television show in which I'm the star people just pop in like they were always there it is often frustrating and it doesn't help that my experience makes me more prone to spikes of anger I don't live where I spent those dead patches of my life so there are literally hundreds of people from that time who exist as either ghosts abstract feelings or not at all I visit my hometown

every so often to put flowers on my parents' Graves and try to remember when and how they died I keep in touch with my estranged sister whose memories of family are tainted by her bad experience es and resentment toward our parents my only window into that world is through my younger sister who I wouldn't keep up with if not for our shared family she lives in my old Hometown and our age difference is such that we knew many of the same people most of those people have moved away but some planted Roots less than a

mile from where they grew up for some reason those are the people I know best through talking to them even though they probably played little or no role in my real life people will approach me every so often both there and in my own adopted City and I'll have no idea who they are people sometimes get mad at me for insulting them that way I've had ex-girlfriends slap me in close buds walk off angry because they don't understand my situation some think it's a joke sometimes it's sad but other times it can be downright Gary

I was sitting in a pizza joint in the business district of Trenton Delia working on something among the lunchtime crowd when someone sat down in the empty chair opposite me I looked up from my work and automatically began the process of threat assessment and identification for me it has become a practice usually it's someone I know and I'll act like most people if I don't immediately recognize the the face but they seem to know me I will try to place them in my Patchwork brain somehow this was someone I didn't know but might have seen

many times older in his 50s a stocky guy grinning with confidence leaning on his elbows and leaning forward indicating he was acquainted with me the eyes are familiar my brain traces that to a feeling of unease he's not ugly but his gaze is severe he wears a suit like it's a costume because his posture isn't right for the cut of the Blazer that smile is not entirely Pleasant except that he's trying to make it seem so this process took me about 3 seconds which is just long enough to seem like an awkward pause because he

says nothing at first he just Waits For What I guess is an automatic reaction now I'm in a preo crowd pressed in close enough to smell the entire menu and over here a dozen life stories and woes if I had the want to do so so I'm not feeling threatened but uneasy after a few more seconds I actively stop blinking to see how long it will be before we start this conversation he breaks and goes first you don't recognize me do you Jimmy his smile broadens and I can't help but admire an expensive set of

teeth that I think might be more appropriate inside the head of a mule the skin over his forehead wrinkles carrying two plucked eyebrows along the slob this helps because nicknames are great contact clues my parents called me James my colleagues and current friends call me Jim my sister calls me Jimbo Dumbo because she's a jerk only people from back home in that Gray Zone of time called me Jimmy my brain keeps working my face neutral I replied with the usual sorry no I have a bad memory for faces that smile is trying to split his

lips off his face his eyes narrow severely and they glisten with tears pressing out between the lids he blushes hard like I'd slapped him it's honestly creepy but it proves my memory of this guy is accurate I think so Jimmy this is you now huh not sure what to say to that he's starting to hold himself together putting pressure on his elbows and bringing himself across the center of the table with his bullet topped crazy person face nearing the edge of my laptop screen that flimsy barrier gives me a little Comfort but not much this

is me now I'm in a suit minus the jacket I left in my car I'm 30 years 50 lbs and a lifetime of experiences Beyond whatever he's thinking of as then but seeing how he's wearing a suit that he probably digs out only for job interviews weddings and Court appearances looking like he's either seething or suffering from impacted bowel I could easily dismiss the air of contempt in his statement I am me as I always was I guess this was the best I could do while my brain work to give me something to work with

he says I didn't think I'd ever run into you again Jimmy I bet you hoped I never would I thought I just told you I don't recognize you practice this in a mirror did you his face is not in my nightmares he's not one of the dozens of images I only see in lucid dreams that mix fantasy with fractured memories usually about bad people or events breakups losing my parents or beatings I suffered in school from students at the local clown college but he's not from there I heard you got sick did you have a

breakdown or something I said what I was thinking clearly you're not an old friend what do you want his face suddenly went slack his cheeks fell and his brow unraveled the eyes still narrow softened as he considered my response I I can't even tell if you're messing with me he said in a low Grumble he sat back and planted his palms on the table eyes scanning the dusty Rafters of the pizza place lost in thought it was the way as right pinky bent against the tabletop that unlocked something in my head it was bent at

an odd angle the ring finger was weird too they had been broken a long time ago and not properly set it was that in the phantom pain p in my cheek and neck that connected the threads in my head but not enough to give me a name or a place or a time I just knew he was dangerous when I get into those rare situations I have to Stave off a panic attack it's a lot like arriving at work only to suddenly remember that you have a big presentation to give or like that dream where

you're in finals week but you never attended class you smug selfish ass hole he growled his fingertips pressed down on the checkerboard tablecloth if I saw you anywhere else on the street in an alley back home maybe behind the school I would end you the last part Drew out some ancient hatred that broke through the practiced facade he'd probably perfected in front of a mirror for many years there was something evil but honest on his face reflecting a truth in his heart about me in front of me was a mystery from the dead space of

my past my face burned and I held my hands behind my monitor when they started to tremble something about this guy's face displayed all the bad men in my life that I'd forgotten hidden dangers among the enemies I may have made and forgotten it felt like I had slipped into the skin of some kid who died at 23 while that kid may have met this guy and clearly didn't hit off with him the current occupant of this skin had literally never met him before under less hostile circumstances I would have tried to explain that my

memory gaps were not a choice I seemed to remember a Thanos snap of memories from certain times in my life I only know that certain people existed in those gaps because my sense of object permanence suggests they came to me from somewhere all I could do was shake my head slowly maintain eye contact and watch for sudden movements aware that others were tuning into our intimate reunion the man worked to pack all his anger back into himself it was hard but he managed to put the toxic paste back in the tube and sat back this

gave me a better look at the old suit that fit him better when he was 10 lb lighter and the new tie that someone had given him maybe for whatever brought him to town his face fell into an expression of disappointment like this was a moment he dreamed of and it was wasted because of the Dozen witnesses around us then he shot up out of the chair and left the restaurant he didn't even order I guess I sat there lost as to what I had been doing in the first place I took my time to

stop the trembling in my hands and the sparks in my head and then I made my way out to my car I sat in the driver's seat still frightened not about what had just happened but about what I might have done to earn such seething hatred from a stranger a shadow crossed the driver's side window and I looked up with a start it was him he stabbed a finger into the glass that gesture felt familiar don't you ever show your face back home jackass I'll smack the fat right off your face you hear me he

pounded the sight of his hand against the glass but it only trembled about as much as I did and then he was gone surely something so heinous would be in a police record right at least a tale told by people from around that time and place I had no inkling of such a thing no cool story to put a face to I began to resent the fact that I didn't have the presence of mind to ask a single damned question before he bolted that frustration fueled my damaged brain pushing it to fire harder through the

mess of memories and imaginings the based on a true story section of my mind that tries to make sense of things I no longer witnessed Greg that name jumped out at me complete with the extra G making it seem more real the face was just a flicker in my knee understand more forced me not to think too hard about it part of my coping mechanism is assigning values where none exists making connections for the sake of protecting my sanity even at the cost of real memories I have to distract myself from filling in memories with

false details and let that subconscious part of my mind work out the facts as best it can I went back to work and made an appointment to meet my sister that weekend put flowers on Graves and find my old yearbooks I wanted to go on social media and ask my friends from that time about the guy maybe creep on their friends Pages looking for a grinning skull as a profile pick but that's dangerous too every new face I register risks becoming a fictional version of itself something about boots and snow these useless reports Emer emerged

early but I Revisited them knowing the boots were important and the snow was cold and hard physical pain was associated with these memories too I also started running my tongue over a chipped tooth for the first time in as long as I could remember I drank heavily that night because although I'm not supposed to it kills my dreams that weekend I met my sister who didn't recognize my description of a man and 30 years Beyond any memory she could have of him I asked her if I ever did something so horrible that it would make

a man want to kill me over it she replied that I made her feel that way a lot then she asked me to borrow $50 I was luckier during a round of golf with a friend who understands my situation and represents a good friend I quote unquote lost he is the custodi of many of my memories and helped me recover those first few years we grew apart because he says I developed a different personality all about order and following instructions you went Square he said not recognizing the irony do you know someone named Greg from

our past who I really pissed off I described him and explained to the conversation we shared Philip was doubtful but he thought about it for a while as he did I added random details a favorite pair of boots winter time in the snow maybe being thrown into it and chipping a tooth Philip looked at me and I could tell he knew something it was before I met Phillip but he had heard about it I was 15 I got into a fight with some kid named Greg who had just transferred into the school he was as

Philip put it a dick with within a month he had been expelled part of the reason for that was he beat the living hell out of me it wasn't important to Philip so my old story about getting beat up on the walk home through heavy snow wasn't a big memory for him but he remembered the part about the boots it was Winter Greg had old sneakers and a long walk home he walked with an older kid a Dropout called Clyde who whom everyone in the neighborhood hated Clyde and Greg were kindred spirits in their life

hating rebellion and love of violence when Philip told me Greg beat me up for my boots and maybe left me to walk home in wet cold socks it didn't jog a memory but it made sense we continued at playing golf and I lost six balls before I gave up on the 15th hole soon after I got back to my motel Greg kinsky had a name and a face Google filled me in on the rest I wouldn't know about the boot story until much later but Greg kinsky was a convicted felon he was also on the

sex offender registry I was if not the first Domino to fall in his life the one that ensured they would keep falling steadily soon after he was expelled from school Greg met up with other troubled kids including Clyde and began selling drugs he moved into trafficking and worked in a warehouse that packaged and delivered large quantities along the way he pursued his favorite pastime of meeting using and abusing young women he went to jail for beating a woman at a bar he dated another woman and went to prison for a sex act with her underage

daughter with doors closing behind him Greg created an enemy's list of all the people who r him I know this because it was used as evidence to put him in prison again for stalking an ex-girlfriend how he was back on the streets and what brought him to trans Adelphia remains a mystery but I'm pretty sure I was or still am on his list one of his many victims who walked home half a mile through snow and thermal socks and whose parents had Greg arrested for it he knows where I live I know this because he

sent me a message on Facebook which was sequestered because he isn't a friend or connected to me in any way he quoted my address and added see you sometime that was over a year ago I've locked down my social media since then especially after he started liking pictures of my wife and sister I hate going home now I hate going to the old Haun even the ones in public because I don't want to see his face I'm at a point where the Gap in knowledge is narrowed and seeing him again might fill in all the

details of that beat down somehow I think remembering it frightens me more than the risk of anything he might try to do to me to give you some background I'm from a city in the northeast of Scotland in the UK what happened here didn't just affect me but also two close friends who for the purposes of this story will call Debbie and Joe we all used to work for Virgin Megastore I started there back in 2003 Debbie joined in 2006 and Joe joined us in 2007 the entire staff of the store for the most part

were all close friends we were all music and movie nerds so we shared the same interest and sense of humor every year over the Christmas period we would take on temporary staff as extra help for the volume of customers in 2007 one of our temps was Rory this is his real name most of us hit it off with him brilliantly he was a young guy seemed really passionate about music especially Pink Floyd which was a big win with Joe one of the greatest guitarists I've ever for Matt and with me as I grew up on

Pink Floyd through my parents Rory was also a budding filmmaker and his love of movies matched his love of Music we had a lot to chat about and became friends quickly it was rare to keep in touch with temporary staff after the Christmas period but Rory was an exception he didn't live in the same city as the rest of us but kept in contact through text and social media he would come to the city to hang out from time to time moving forward to Christmas of 2008 Virgin megga Store had become zavy entertainment by this

time Rory came back to work with us as a temp especially with me I ran the stock room in the store which was the busiest place during Christmas and I'd had bad luck with temps who didn't work hard so I was happy to get someone I knew would work hard and who I could have banter with he could be a bit annoying trying to force different live versions of the same Pink Floyd song he' found on the internet don't get me wrong I love Pink Floyd but I also love a lot of other music nevertheless

I figured he's young he's passionate but he's cool around this time Rory started putting together a homemade Pink Floyd documentary he interviewed Joe and me for it and to be honest he did a great job considering the limited tools he had zavi closed in February 2009 due to the Global Credit crunch all the zavi staff including Rory kept in touch since we had all become close working there fast forward to the summer of 2010 we had a zavi reunion night out which Rory organized most of us who still lived in the same city managed to

make it Joe had moved to Glasgow at this point but it was a fun night out Rory stayed at my place afterward I should point out here that Rory Was preparing to go to America for his second year working as a camp counselor for Camp America at Camp Wigwam in Maine Ohio since zavi closed I had gotten a new job doing the same thing at another entertainment retail store and that Chris Christmas Rory came to work there as a temp again initially I was fine with it moving into 2011 Rory started raising red flags although

at the time I didn't see them clearly he claimed that while in America he'd gotten a job helping with editing and camera work on the show Burn Notice at the time I was like wow that's cool man well done it didn't seem unbelievable since I knew we had talent in film making he also claimed he was working for Camp America in Florida which led to his work on Burn Notice where it was filmed at the time then when he was back in Scotland in 2011 it was time for another zavi reunion Rory had to be

in charge of it which bothered me because he technically didn't work there when we closed and was only a temp I felt sickened to seeing him post constantly on Facebook about what was essentially just some old friends going to the pub again I thought he's just young and easily excited he's harmless though then another red flag was raised Rory and another friend who shared an interest in film making talked about doing a film in the city they spent the whole day looking for locations and afterward when I spoke to Rory he was like yeah we're

going to do this and that making it sound like they had some exciting ideas but when I spoke to my other friend about it he told me all Rory did for the whole day was ask me about my favorite directors it was a complete waste of time I thought he's young and excitable and has a tendency to exaggerate but he's harmless in 2012 Debbie who I mentioned at the start of the story became a closer figure in Rory's life Debbie is nearly 6 feet tall a blonde bombshell and at the time one of the nicest

people you could ever meet with an amazing sense of humor we became super close when we worked together but it was always totally platonic I looked at her more like a sibling she would come to my place for dinner and to watch movies and I knew all her close friends and some family members she and Rory went to the cinema a few times and hung out afterward absolutely nothing wrong with that for now moving on to Christmas time Rory was back as a temp for the third year in a row and by this time he

had started to annoy the other staff while on lunch he would sit and brag about all the television shows he worked on during his summers in the states like Burn Notice Criminal Minds and the wire unfortunately I didn't hear about this at the time because people knew I was friendly with him they didn't want to seem like they were talking crap about him the staff got along famously on a personal note talking with him at work became a bit weird he started talking to me in a really smug and condescending tone which I didn't appreciate

given that I was 6 years older than him and had helped him get his temp jobs every year I thought we were friends around this same time another zavy night out was coming up Rory Debbie Joe who was visiting from Glasgow myself and a few others plan to go the day before the get together I received a text from Rory saying hey man the plan for the night out tomorrow is to go to a pub quiz your favorite now I don't go to Pub quizzes for tedious personal reasons and all my friends knew this Rory

was essentially implying that the rest of the guys had planned to go to something I wouldn't attend I was super angry about that text so I kept quiet about it it turns out those guys didn't go to a pub quiz and there was no intention to the next day Joe came into the shop to talk to me since I had missed the night out while I was talking to him Rory stood next to him in a defensive stance answering everything I asked Joe like he was a spokesperson the this was infuriating because I was at

work and couldn't lose my temper while Joe was happy go-lucky and didn't even notice Rory's Behavior Rory was obsessed with Joe because of his guitar talents to the point where it became unhealthy around this time Debbie started to sense that I was having a problem with Rory which was true contact with him triggered anxiety and anger because I knew something was a mess but Debbie and Joe were constantly fooled by his false charm so I kept tolerating him I love those guys and didn't want to cause drama in early 2013 Rory claimed that his dad

had a life-threatening stroke which he survived but was left incredibly disabled this later turned out to be a lion a toou to get sympathy from Debbie and Joe moving forward to 2014 Joe moved back to town from Glasgow into Debbie's spare room and this is where Rory really started to phase me out from the group despite having recently hung out with me and having stayed at my place several times over the years he took Debbie Joe and another ex- zavy friend to three different Prince gigs around the country initially I was super angry but in

hindsight I was relieved Rory paid for all the tickets to those gigs which was another red flag I have to point out that when he wasn't working with me as a temp over Christmas or an America over the summer for Camp America and various television shows he made it seem like he was a freelance photographer and video editor this would have been fine but he didn't have a website a Facebook page or anything else to contact him for that work taking that into account and the fact he's throwing cash to go to concerts around the

UK I was concerned about where his money was coming from after the prince gigs I blocked him on social media because his posts and comments on others posts were just annoying he constantly undermined people and argued with folks who had different opinions Debbie took issue with me blocking him and stuck up for him in hindsight she had been groomed by him and had Rose tinted glasses on when looking at him I caved and got back in touch with him even though I know now I should have walked away from all of them I dearly loved

Debbie and Joe and didn't want to lose their friendship even though I knew deep down there was something bad about Rory throughout 2014 Debbie and Rory got super close anyone who didn't know them seen Facebook pictures would think they were a couple over the next 2 years years my contact with these guys started to drift Rory would come to my place for a bit and then when leaving he would say I'm a way up to Darling Debbie's I would invite you but you're not one of the Three Amigos a lot of the time it turned

out he wasn't actually going to her place he even came to my place to stay the night once claiming he needed to catch a flight to the states in the morning for a video editing job then it turned out he was just going back to the village where he lived to his mom's house eventually I walked away quietly I took Debbie Joe and Rory off my newsfeed and hid any Facebook posts I made from them I figured if I saw any of them in the street I would be polite and just get away as soon

as possible I started to investigate Rory's claims about his time in America I relayed them to a friend and his flatmate who had lived in America America for a long time they both told me there's no way he could be doing all that stuff which ended up being true if you go to America to work for Camp America that's all you're allowed to do with a bit of research I found the camp Rory actually worked at proving he never did Camp America work in Florida during this time I had friends who still followed him on

Facebook out of intrigue they would ask ask me where is his money coming from Rory was going to stadium and Arena concerts in the UK at least once a week some of these gigs cost as much as 200b a ticket not to mention travel costs in accomodation I knew something was up I knew he wasn't involved in drugs he claimed he made money from YouTube but his channel barely had any subscriptions and all his videos were of copyright material so there was no way he was making money that way I wondered if he was making

money from editing and avoiding paying taxes that was the only thing I could think of believe me if I could have afforded a private detective to investigate this guy I would have during all this time Debbie and Joe were hanging out with Rory and posting how great he was on Facebook despite the fact I found Rory had a second Facebook account where the profile picture was of him and Debbie this was a secret account I took a screenshot and showed it to Debbie she was just like oh isn't that his American account sorry Debbie but

you were really not seeing the truth now let's fast forward to October 2018 by this point I had severed contact with Rory completely and missed Debbie's wedding the previous year where Rory was a bridesman I hadn't seen Joe in a good while either I was back at work after lunch for about 5 minutes when my friend who was on her lunch break in the staff room came running through to where I was hey have you heard Rory was in court this in itself was initially shocking I thought was it for tax evasion or copyright infringement

no she said for making videos of little kids between January and November 2017 he had been pretending to be a girl online using YouTube and Omegle to groom young boys once I was told what he had done I was in an adrenaline fueled rage for the next 17 hours just so angry that I had been right about him being a bad guy I just couldn't prove it I knew my friends had been duped not to mention all those poor kids that got abused by him as for his Expendable income I really think he was selling

the videos he was making on the dark web for Bitcoin profit he was the first person ever to mention the dark net to me but in a way of like oh never go to the dark net he plad guilty and got 3 years and 9 months along with a 5-year sexual harm prevention order and will be on the sex offender's registry for the rest of his life I'm still in touch with Joe although he's a super busy guy these days unfortunately I'm no longer in touch with Debbie I know she was mortified by the revelations

but she's married and happy so I'm just glad she saw the truth eventually even though it took something so heinous to do so I am really writing this out as a way to vent because I feel really stuck in a situation any advice is appreciated but I am not sure there is anything that can be said that will actually help I have tried just about everything I will start from the beginning this is a Story 2 years in the making so I will try to be as thorough as possible in 2019 I graduated with my

Master's Degree and moved to a relatively rural area for my PhD thinking we would make an investment my dad and I purchased a house the intent was to rent it out once I completed my PhD this house was only a block away from a dive bar where my dad was able to make some pretty good friends he introduced me to everyone and they all let me know that I would be very happy in my new house because my next door neighbor was the absolute nicest guy you could ever meet so we met the neighbor and

he did seem nice enough he suggested we exchange numbers in case I ever needed anything and I thought that was a good idea what is the worst that could happen a few days later my dad left to go back to his home in another state and I was left to my own devices literally the day he left it started my neighbor texted me while I was away and let me know he left a gift for me on my front porch in this text exchange he started using pet names like sweetie and cutie I went home

and he had left a hand painted feeding dish for my cats in my mailbox at this point I was not that alarmed he was just being nice I thought the next day he sent me more texts with pet names and I took the opportunity to make sure he knew I was not interested in anything romantic he replied with a rambling text about how all a person ever needs his friends and he would like to be friends with me after that he would send me text frequently everything from inviting me fishing to telling me he left

more gifts on my porch I would often not reply or I would tell him I was busy I did not want to be rude but I also had no interest in any sort of relationship with him other than neighborly one night I got a text from the manager of the bar far down the street letting me know that if my neighbor knocked on my door I should not answer she then told me that my neighbor had walked down to the bar with a hatchet and told the bartender he was hearing voices that got louder as

he got closer to the bar he threatened to kill someone with the hatchet if the voices didn't stop and they called the police who took the hatchet from him but made no arrest the manager of the bar picked me up and I spent the night at her house she told me that the police said my neighbor was on meth after that I tried to keep my distance even more but things got even weirder one day I went out to my car to find a dead squirrel in my driveway this squirrel had clearly been run over

and moved right in front of my driver's side door I just stepped over it got in my car and left when I returned home the squirrel was gone shortly after I received a text from my neighbor that said someone or something put a dead squirrel in your driveway don't worry I moved it for you I felt like this was a weird way to word this and I suspected he was the one who put the squirrel in my driveway another time I walked out of my house to see he had placed an unspent shotgun shell on

the bricks in his front yard he came out and told me that it was to serve as a warning for anyone walking between our houses for the next couple of months I did my best to avoid him he would text me inviting me over and I would come up with an excuse or just ignore him completely I wanted to remain cordial since he was my neighbor but it was getting very annoying and I was uncomfortable he would text me as soon as I got home telling me that he was watching me come and go from

my house around Halloween he handcrafted a large casket and wrote here lies the last son of a who played mind games November 2012 what the hell all this time he was still sending me texts eventually I got fed up and stopped responding completely less than 2 weeks after I stopped responding he threw a 50 lb flower pot at my front door you know those big concrete Planters yeah one of those I called the police who advised me to get a stocking no contact order a few days later I was watching TV when a notification popped

up that my neighbor was trying to cast a video to my screen I declined it twice I filed another Report with the police during this time I started the process of getting a stalking no contact order I saw three different victim Advocates who all told me different things I went out of town for a conference and during that time someone attempted to break into my home I had an ADT security system so while they did not succeed I was aware of the attempt after the conference I came home to the entire world shutting down because

of Co I was trapped in my home 24 hours a day 7 days a week with my stock her neighbor next door luckily Court proceedings for protection orders did not stop right before court he sent me a text telling me he was sorry for what he had done he could tell when he saw me outside that he made me uncomfortable then he went on to tell me he could tell my hair had gotten longer and I looked beautiful I went to court and provided all of the evidence I had the timeline of everything that had

ever happened the text he had sent sent me asking if I wanted a massage the text I sent him telling him the way he was speaking to me was inappropriate and the text saying that he knew he made me uncomfortable I told the judge that I suspected he had attempted to break into my house while I was out of town the kicker is he did not deny any of it actually he told the judge that he took full accountability for everything he said he was in recovery and was trying to turn over a new Leaf

he did not oppose the protection order at all so in March 2020 I actually received the stalking no contact order everything was pretty quiet for a while I mean he did some weird things but that is because he is a weird guy it was not anything that made me fear for my safety that is until he got on drugs again at this time we found an unspent shotgun casing in my flower bed it was consistent with the one he had previously used to send a warning this occurred a couple of months after I started dating

my boyfriend and I suspected it was a warning to him after this and for a variety of reasons my boyfriend moved in with me he moved in pretty quickly but everything turned out fine we are still together and as happy in our relationship as we can be on New Year's 2021 I was awoken into yelling I turned on my security cameras and got footage of him sticking his head out his window and screaming obscenities at my bedroom window for about 7 minutes it does not sound like a long time but when your stalker is screaming

threats and obscenities 7 minutes is a long time he called me a harlot he said happy effing New Year he said he was going to to blow up his house with his gas line I called the police who responded they told me that he never said my name so they could not prove it was a violation of the protection order the officer said and I quote there's nothing illegal about yelling in your own house they left without even speaking to him all I could do at this point was do my best to avoid him I

parked on the street because my driveway is pretty close to his front porch I got used to living with my curtains drawn I always made sure my cameras were charged all five of them yes because of him I spent over $1,000 on cameras every inch of my yard is covered since then he has been seen by me and by other neighbors talking to people who are not there going outside and screaming nonsense things like I have Cheerios on my necklace or I'll put my penis in your butt I'm not even joking this basically brings me

to last week in the morning I was getting ready for the day when I heard screaming someone is going to die over this sweatshirt I turned on the cameras I got footage of him walking around the alley behind my house screaming are you effing proud how about I get my shotgun I'll get everybody all fired up I called the police once again they did not charge him with violation of the protection order instead they gave him an ordinance violation for disturbing the peace the police told me that it seems like he is off his medication

again and that was that they left last night I was awoken to hammering outside my window at 1: in the morning he was cutting down his privacy fence horizontally I called the police for a noise complaint and they just told him to stop and that was that as I write this he is outside continuing to horizontally cut down his privacy fence that means the privacy fence only stands about 3 ft tall now this was the one thing that made me feel relatively safe about hanging out in my backyard and now that is gone all of

this is to say I am tired I just want to live in a house where I can be sure that my neighbor will not try to kill me where I can feel confident that he is not going to try to break in my boyfriend and I are trying to buy a house to move but it is difficult I am a PhD student so I do not make very much money renting won't work because I have four cats plus my partner's cat and dog although we have a place secured for them if necessary finding a place

to rent with so many animals is difficult if not impossible I refuse to rehome them so maybe it is partially my fault I'm stuck in this situation my dad has agreed to co-sign on another mortgage and I have gotten a second job we should be able to save up enough money within a few months but until then I am stuck I just don't know what else to do I'm tired I'm angry so I figured I would write this to vent if you have made it this far thank you for reading it all there's still so

many different instances that I've left out I'm just so exhausted I posted here before about one of my creepy encounters with men and received some good feedback so I thought I would share another experience after it came up in conversation today this encounter occurred several months after the first and the lingering paranoia from it helped me realize what was happening and may have saved my life I was 18 at the time although I was often mistaken for being in my early teens I had just finished some errands in town and decided to take a shortcut

to catch the bus home this shortcut was a narrow street that led to one of the Shopping Center's entrances it was more of a glorified alleyway but since it connected to the High Street and was the quickest way into the shopping center it usually had a decent amount of foot traffic and it felt safe to use however depending on the time of day there might only be a few people there and that was the case on this day just as I was walking out of the entrance and feeling relieved that it wasn't blocked by people

standing around as usual a young man around my age startled me by stepping out of a small Al Cove beside the door and blocking my path with an oh hi there how are you have you been shopping his approach immediately put me off the overly familiar fancy seeing you here tone made me hesitate for a moment wondering if he was someone from high school who recognized me and wanted to say hello I muttered um yeah hi to stall while I tried to remember who we could be it didn't take long to confirm I didn't know

this good-looking fit blonde man in his 20s with bright blue eyes and a heavy accent since I couldn't think of a good reason for someone like him to approach me my socially awkward non-confrontational self decided the best way to handle the situation was to dodge around him and leave he didn't let me though instead of taking the hint he started walking in a stride with me on the side of the street closest to the road so I was between him and the building when I tried to speed up because I felt penned in he sped

up along with me keeping me between him and the wall as unsettling as that already was he began asking questions that seemed innocent but all centered around where I was headed and if anyone would be waiting for me there he asked where are you going now have you not finished your shopping are you meeting your friends maybe I could come with you or are you meeting your family instead do you have a boyfriend is he who you're meeting are you going home do you live near here or are you getting a bus I had already

asked him to leave me alone once and he acted like I hadn't said anything so I ignored his questions and glanced around desperately hoping someone else would enter the street with us in case he reacted poorly to being asked a second time that is why I noticed the second man he was older in his late 30s or early 40s dark hair a short scruffy beard and a face that suggested I might need to be cautious I have no idea where he had come from my guess is he was hiding in the AL Cove on the

other side of the door from the blonde or further down that side of the street out of sight but he was now walking in line with us on the opposite side of of the road staring the entire time I tried not to let either man realize I had seen him while my brain went into overdrive trying to figure out what their end game was were they going to assault me surely they wouldn't risk being caught doing that in broad daylight right outside a shopping center maybe they were just going to rob me but if they

wanted to do that the blonde could have grabbed my bag and run when he had the element of surprise back when he was hiding behind the door then I remembered something that made my blood run cold at the end of the street was an underground parking garage the entrance opened onto the pavement I was walking on and I would have to pass it because of how the blonde was Penning me in toward the wall it would take him barely any effort to shove me through it and the darkhaired man across the street had been toying

with something in his pocket at first I worried it was a weapon but what what if it was car keys what if they were planning to drag me in there and into a car take me who knows where and do who knows what to me we were very close to the end of the street now so I abruptly dropped back behind the blonde and darted toward the road wanting to get away from the garage and make a beeline for the end of the street without getting within Arms Reach of the dark-haired man the blonde immediately

darted after me blocking my path and hurting me back toward the pavement Penning me in so close to the wall that my arm was almost scraping against it as I walked all while still talking to me casually as if he wasn't doing anything wrong they obviously knew the game was up at this point though when I glanced over at the dark-haired man to check where he was he locked eyes with me laughed and called out to the blonde in a different language the best I could determine later was that it was Easter European but not

Lithuanian polish Romanian or Russian he said something that made the blonde laugh too and he doubled down on his is anyone going to miss you questions while also asking me if I had ever had a boyfriend if I had ever kissed a boy and would I like him to be my boyfriend I continued to ignore them and was panicking more as we approached the garage fortunately the dark darkhaired man started to lose his patience with the blonde's lack of progress with me and began snapping at him presumably demanding he get me to answer the blonde

looked worried and his tone became more urgent with every word the dark-haired man spoke only a few feet from the garage the darkhaired man apparently crossed the line because the blonde suddenly looked Furious he stopped walking spun around and started shouting back at him I immediately took the opportunity to bolt for the End of the Street although I heard the blonde shout hey where are you going and what I assumed was both of them running behind me I managed to round the corner and lost them by ducking down the next street and several more just

to be safe I didn't feel safe enough to go to my original bus stop in case they stayed in the area and saw me so I headed for one several blocks of away instead on edge and jumping at the slightest sound until I was on the bus and headed home although I tried to report the incident to the police they weren't particularly interested since neither man had actually put their hands on me and I had no proof of what I assumed they were planning to do I never heard about any abductions assaults or robberies in

that area so I hope they simply gave up after their plan failed with me I'm glad my paranoia helped me escape that situation but I worry sometimes that another girl wasn't as lucky I grew up in a small predominant Hispanic town where everyone knew each other's business although there were occasional incidents not much really happened here I'm overweighted to put it simply and not really fitting the standards of beauty I remember reading a meme that joked about how I couldn't be kidnapped because no one could carry me and I laughed at thinking so true little

did I know that mindset would come back to haunt me at 18 or 19 one night my weed plug was doing a stash and Dash being broke and desperate I decided to go for it I figured I grew up here I know all the areas it was tempting because it was actually not far from my place so I said screw it I was on a video call with my boyfriend letting him know I was heading out he stayed on the line as I ventured out keep in mind it was late the areas I had across

were poorly lit and I left with nothing no taser alarm or pepper spray that my dad insisted I carry to make matters worse I snuck out so my dad wouldn't know I was hunting for weed so this was already starting out great I set off and had to cross railroad tracks to get to the main road which was Pitch Black with only the main road lighting up the distance and some lights from a nearby Warehouse as I made my way toward the main road I noticed a semi truck parked on the side Not Unusual as

semis parked there all the time since I was little so I thought nothing of it then I heard hola hey I looked over and saw a man in the truck he looked a generic a Hispanic man in a red long sleeve shirt but his smile was unsettling I waved politely he gestured for me to come over and started speaking in Spanish but I didn't understand you might be wondering why don't you speak Spanish and why aren't you running well my parents never taught me and he was far enough away that I thought thought it best

to keep walking I sheepishly responded I don't speak Spanish in Spanish and quickly walked away my boyfriend asked who it was and I told him it was just some random truck driver after about 40 minutes of searching I realized I wasn't going to find anything and started heading home my phone was dying which prompted my boyfriend to tell me to go back I walked down the road looked toward the dark area where the railroad was and suddenly felt a bad Vibe something told me not to go home yet I told my boyfriend I was going

to check the other end of the street toward the warehouse with the lights passing by some empty trailers partially hidden in the shadows as I walked into the light I heard a movement behind me and heard the same hey I turned around quickly and saw the same truck driver the same unsettling smile emerging from behind a trailer he had his right hand tucked in his pocket positioning himself in a way that hid whatever he had he told me to come here and started getting closer I immediately told my boyfriend to wake up his dad and

come get me I backed away quickly trying to think the driver saw me on the phone and suddenly had an annoyed look on his face he stopped and began hiding behind the trailers I took off down the road urging my boyfriend to have his dad come get me I didn't want to call my dad fearing I'd get caught sneaking out I ran across the main road to a mini Mar and hid behind an ice machine I told my boyfriend I needed to call someone and hung up dialing my friend who was thankfully out with his

girlfriend I told him I was in danger and needed him to come get me while I waited I saw the semi pull up the driver looked around for me and shook his head in disappointment before driving off I didn't feel safe until my friend arrived when he got out of the car I hugged him and started crying his girlfriend and he calmed me down and took me home I got a lecture from my boyfriend but I'd rather hear that than anything worse I was lucky way too lucky the false sense of security my weight and

looks had given me shattered that night I'm Greatful that I had my boyfriend on the phone with me otherwise who knows what could have happened so semi-truck driver let's not meet again I never want to see that smile ever again for