How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be

the other day I got the best gift I could ever get 18 hours of Home Videos and what's your pleasure this morning Mr Clark these are from back in the '90s where recording video was a full production like heavy VHS tapes in there maybe you've had this experience where you look at old photos of you isn't it funny how you see your true self in that like you're watching this and even though you're 7 12 4 whatever your age you're like I am that person like that's still me that I have today it can make

you really emotional and that's what we're talking about today that there's a core of you that's unchanging the real solution isn't about changing yourself it's about reconnecting with that core that is you another problem is we think that who we are at the core isn't enough it's not enough to win the love from people so we develop stratey IES you take on what is called a Persona if we can wear a mask and get people to buy that we are this then that's more desirable because there's parts of me that aren't enough or aren't good

enough or worthy or deserving of love an analogy I love here so if you're walking by a street and you look in a window they put all their good stuff in the front window the stuff they want you to see to draw you in right well that's what we do with what we think are best features or our best beliefs or how people want us to act and then every store has the back closet where they have the rejected things Dusty products that no one wanted and that's like your Shadow so you have this dynamic

between your persona which is front-facing and your Shadow which is in the back closet and that's the things that you think no one would accept if they really knew you or who you are that that is so undeserving of love that is so undesirable I can't let anyone see that and so we go through life with this dichotomy of Persona and Shadow when I was single I went through a phase of trying to figure out what women want I think every guy does this you know you're a single dude you want a date it's very

frustrating maybe you've experienced a couple heartbreaks or rejections and so you go to YouTube University just like you are right now from video one they're giving you the lines to say the theories the Dynamics okay all right maybe that's how it works and I'd go to bars or I'd you know go on dates and I'd start saying some of these lines all of a sudden people are laughing and you're like oh okay laugh laughter they're into me okay that works or you rehearse a few stories about yourself and then you say one and wow you

get good reactions and so you start getting all this data from your persona then a funny thing happens you get really screwed not in the good way I guess when you're dating you want to get screwed cuz a thought Pops in your head do they like me or do they like the line that that guy in the video told me if they're responding to this aren't they just liking the dude in the video now you have a whole new sense of doubts about your worth and if you even deserve that person or love to begin

with and your whole relationship becomes trying to uphold a Persona uphold this Frame you know this masculine frame that I can't let her see weakness as soon as you start taking on a Persona and playing into a role that you think you have to be you're losing that Essence that core that authenticity and if you attract someone from a place of your persona your relationship's doomed because now you're going to be worried about getting found out or now you're going to alter the real you who maybe was more attractive or worse it's going to exhaust

you cuz going through life with a Persona with upholding an image with posturing everywhere you reach a breaking point where you're like I can't be that anymore and I think deepers everyone uses labels to hide out in the name of authenticity uh brief personal story here when I was a kid I was diagnosed with the worst ADHD you could ever have my sixth period class was literally the principal's office because I was acting up so much they're like hey let's just put Clark in there you know cuz he's just we we know what's going to

happen and I got Uninvited to my middle school graduation so it would have been completely authentic for me to be like well I have ADHD so I can't focus and you know I can't do anything huh I'm Corky but I didn't want that to control me I don't believe in medication that's a personal choice that's a discussion for another time so I had to learn through things like breath work through meditation through having a goal how to manage that can't sit still type of energy ADHD wasn't a flaw it was an advantage because I get

so obsessed over a goal I block everything out in my life until it's done like this YouTube channel when I was growing to a million subscribers it was the only thing I wanted to do and up until a million I filmed every video myself I wrote every video I designed every thumbnail I edited every video I produced it because I was so obsessed with getting to a million subscribers all the success came from that disadvantage which was ADHD and it wasn't that I couldn't focus it was that I had zero tolerance focusing on things that

I thought didn't matter what I'm saying is don't use authenticity and and this message I'm sharing as anything that feels uncomfortable means I shouldn't go there just because you have an Essence a core of who you are that we're trying to Source from doesn't mean things are always going to feel effortless and easy but pushing yourself is not forcing yourself so I want to give you three questions these will really help and if you're looking for like a coffee shop exercise or journaling prompts your growth both is in these three questions question number one where

do I cringe at myself cringe is interesting and that when I look back on what I cringed on when I did this question it was a mixed bag there was the camp of things that I would cringe at that wasn't me at all like old Instagram photos old videos and I can look back on that and understand that that's a warning sign like if you have a cringe meter if you're too far in the red it's saying like oh this is not natural dude bring it back down to your essence your core but then there's

a sign where you're not cringing enough at yourself or you're overly cringing at everything you do that you don't need to cringe by and sometimes being our true self can feel unnatural which we label as cringe and I find most people are in that camp there's a great saying I live by don't kill the part of you that's cringe but kill the part of you that cringes question two who's the in fluence you're trying to be like who is the influence you're trying to be like this is where we're going to find out where you're

sourcing your persona from now it's totally fine to have role models and be inspired by people in fact I think some of the inspiration is because you have those same things within you you know you see someone really funny you've been really funny you see someone really confident there's times you've been confident and so you see that and you're like oh i' that's an attractive part of who I am but then there's time times where we're trying to morph and conform into somebody or an ideal image of of what we think we should be getting

into self-improvement my first role model was Tony Robbins I was a janitor and I had 40 hours a week of just scrubbing the same spots in dorm rooms and I would I would spend like you know 2 hours in one room uh on a college campus then okay finally done close the door and then you open the next room and it's the same room except dirty and you have to do that all over again for 40 hours a week I went crazy and so to not go crazy and break up the monotony of it I

would listen to self-improvement motivational speeches and Tony Robbins you know I just put on his personal power program over and over again and in my early days I was trying to be just like Tony that's it I would talk really fast I would uh speak in Instagram inspirational captions right the way to get over fear to find a fear bigger than your current one trade your expectations for appreciation in your whole life changes on liners I love Tony to this day but he is a freak of nature in terms of of Excellence it's like you

being a basketball player and then comparing yourself to Michael Jordan and you know everything you do if it's not Michael Jordan level it's terrible and so for years I had the belief that I have to always be mindblowing that was it like when I drilled it down I'm like I I can't be boring for one second I can't pause I can't be slow I can't collect thoughts I have to be mindblowing and perform and it messed me up cuz God forbid you have an off day right God forbid you have a little low energy day

God forbid you have human emotions that aren't just like max out 10 out of 10 positivity I don't have any relationship with Tony whatsoever I've never met the guy I would love to one day but I'm willing to bet that when the cameras are off there's moments where he has a bad day or there's moments where maybe he snaps and doesn't say the right thing and this is the guru trap and why I'm talking about like who's the influence you're comparing to because behind the scenes you it's impossible for us to know what's going on

and so the guru trap is that they project one side of themselves and so you see that and your mind fills in the blanks it says well they're always like that and I'm not always like that therefore I can't be that and it breaks my heart because I see a lot of people who could have a massive impact on this world who think that because of who they are in private you know that side they have to reject and it's it's I can't even go there so question two who's the Persona you're taking on who's

the influence you think you have to live up to question three what part of you is not okay to be with what part of you is not okay you might hear that and say well that's negative I don't want to go there I'm told to you know not think negative thoughts like the Law of Attraction told me I believe I got it from Bernay Brown she she talks about how shame and guilt are like a petri dish if you have a petri dish and you drop a virus in there and you put it in a

closet that whole thing multiplies the whole dish is full of bacteria and growth but as soon as you bring that dish out into sunlight or UV and expose it in the light things can't grow in that condition because it's in the light and that's what happens to us is when we repress and suppress these parts of ourselves that are undesirable these these colors in that Spectrum we grow mold our own psychological mold or our own psychological virus and that's what guilt and shame are and that's what really robs us of our life force and so

this video I'm trying to get you to realize that it's okay to be all of you you don't have to hide out you don't have to masquerade as something you're not you can drop that belief and the more you are you at the core the less you're going to have to hide out and the more energy you're going to have through life and I guarantee your results are going to be better and you're going to feel more proud of them because it's actually you it's not a Persona you take those three questions you answer them

and I promise your next growth spurt is on the other side what do you think of this video um I know it's it's deep but I I hope it allows some lightness on you that you don't have to hide out anymore you don't have to worry about being someone you're not you're never going to be that person and you're always going to feel like something's missing or lacking or you don't deserve it if you're operating from there thanks so much for watching I love you I'll see you in the next video stop settling start living

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