How To Write Killer Long-Form Ecommerce Facebook Ads (Direct Response)

hey guys sudbury subi here and i actually put out a call on instagram for you guys to send me in some of your ads and i will take the time to critique them and write them we did it a few months ago and it's been a very popular segment i've had a lot of messages asking if we can do that again so that's exactly what we are here doing [Music] so one of the people that sent their ads to me i'm not going to be able to get to everybody just because of the the lack

of time and there was lots of requests to review people's ads so i just basically randomly picked who who the people are and i thought we'd pick some weird obscure niches because they're they're a lot more difficult to write for than other things and this comes from amir and amir's sent me his ads and it looks like that he is selling a saffron tea and he sent me a link to his ads library and what you can see here his ads look good like he's got really striking imagery that look native and they don't look

like ads which is the very first sign that you want when when you're putting an ad together you do not want it to look like an ad right facebook ads is a native advertising platform people are there to consume content they're not there to consume ads so the surefire way to make sure that your ads don't get consumed is to make them look like an ad but amir's already on the right track here because he's used really he's used images that still pop in the news feed but there's no like buy now there's no prices

on them or buttons or any cute emojis or any of this crap that people do on their ads he's just keeping it nice and basic so immediately i think that he would have a high click-through rate but where where we can really tune up your ads here amir is on the actual ad copy so if i click into this ad here i'll just read out the copy we've got drinking saffron tea will help you ease the mind and relax the body saffron tea is a mood lifting refreshing herbal beverage full of antidepressants all you need

is hot water saffron threads honey and mint leaf to make a cup of saffron tea available to for delivery australia-wide get your free shipping when you shop now get yours here with a link and then the headline of his ad says get he says you're 10 off code so that that gift 10 and that's probably some remarketing ads so i'm going to go back to this ad and see this is less remarketing with the with the coupon and stuff on there okay and it is so the headline for this ad is boost your natural feel

good get saffron with free shipping and this is also with this body copy if you are if you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep then drink saffron tea right before going to bed to make saffron tea pour boiling water over a smooth pinch of saffron threads and allow it to seep steep for five minutes get your free shipping when you shop now so there's a lot of room for improvement on this amir and we're really going to tune this up and we're going to get this ad doing much much better

than it is right now so first of all the imagery is great i think that there's not much that i would give you and no no tips that i would really give you on that front because i think you've done a really great job um yeah the the the images are fine but let's look at what we want to do on the ad so the first thing is the first job of an ad is to simply stop somebody in their news feed and then it is to sell the click where right now what you're doing

is you are trying to sell people directly on this ad and what i mean by that is you've got you're showing your hand right you're showing your hand of cards before you get the click you're telling them that you know you've got a product to sell um that you get free shipping on it and that you're shipping australia-wide and this is not the job of of the ad we can't sell people from this ad therefore we do not want to try and sell people because it's impossible to sell people from the ad all we want

to do is stop them create enough desire and get them to click over to our website which is then going to do the selling for us so what i would do instead of having a headline for instance we'll start with the headline because this is typically where i like to start and then we'll move into the other elements of the ad so the first thing that you've got is boost your natural feel good gets and then the link description which is the almost the sub head that sits below the main headline of the ad says

get saffron with free shipping okay so what we would do instead of having a headline like that we would have something along the lines of scientific like scientists reveal shocking new way to have the best sleep of your life right or 1260 year old ancient recipe reveals a hack for the deepest sleep humanly possible weird new way to have the deepest sleep humanly possible these are things that give the ultimate benefit that your market wants which is deep sleep right which is one of the the benefits of purchasing the saffron tea from the brief look

that i've seen here and it also stirs up enough intrigue for someone to want to click a little bit more so looking at your actual ad copy itself i don't mind the lead-in copy i think it could be a little bit more intriguing you've got if you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep then drink saffron tea right before going to bed right so what i think that you can do is just remove the ending of that opening lead-in and don't have then then um drink saffron tea because you're telling people

exactly what the nature of your ad is all together you could start with if you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep then this will be the most important post you read on facebook this year here's what it's all about there is a brand new study that shows an ancient recipe from 1268 years ago that scientists have newly discovered or newly rediscovered and it shows that it is far more effective than anything else that has ever been discovered to increase the depth of that you sleep and also the amount of of

deep rest that you get throughout the night when you're sleeping and then go into some benefits about saffron and how people have been using it for thousands of years as this at like to help with their sleep ailments and to get really deep night sleep and that they've been giving it to you know new parents and new mothers who really need to get rest after they've had a baby and all the different kind of use cases that someone could be buying this they've got lots of anxiety and you know they feel that anxiety when they

go to bed at night and that affects their sleep and their mood and talk about that and then in telling instead of telling people in the ad that they just need to get a pinch of saffron threads and put it in a cup of water and pour boiling water over and then let it steep for five minutes by doing that you're basically not having any unique mechanism to your product and nothing proprietary and nothing that would want them to purchase your saffron tea they might go that's just really interesting how about i go like to

the local supermarket and just buy some of these saffron threads and then they don't even need to buy your product right so we need to make it that it's new and it's unique and they can only get it through the way that these saffron threads are grown where you get them from and they come from this special place in iran that is up in the mountains with high altitude and it makes the chemical and the compounds that are in these saffron threads so much more potent that this is the secret to the deepest night's sleep

that you can ever get so then people feel that they can only get this big benefit from coming through to you and getting what it is that you've got so the whole thing of the ad is like you know the lead-in is great because you've got in there who you're targeting people that do feel restless at night and that are looking for a way to have a deeper sleep so you've done a good job by having that in your leading copy but then you've just given too much out you want to use story-based copy um

you know i'm making some assumptions from your instagram page that you that you might be persian um you've got some arabic writing in here and it says i'm exploring the beauty of australia melbourne um and if so is there any story hook if you wherever you're from you know maybe this saffron was a childhood thing um and maybe your grandparents used to give it to you i don't know right i i'm pulling at strings here but i would think about what that looks like and what is the story and you know how long people have

been using saffron and really intertwine some story based copy because nothing and i mean nothing works better better than story based copy for cold traffic audiences which i suspect is who you're targeting with these ads so you really want to have a lot more intrigue in the headline by using the examples that i've given you remove a lot of the other elements in this body copy of the ad and make it a lot more longer we want to pre-frame the click right looking at your website you know if we click through to to your website

and see what happens where you're sending this traffic to let's take a look at that now all right so it comes through with a lady in a field of what appears to be saffron flowers premium saffron discover the health benefits of saffron so first of all if we're going for the sleep hook in our ads and the headline on the landing page that we send them to must be congruent and it must be talking about sleep as well the imagery is fine and then if we go here like we've got saffron threads you know ranging

from 14.90 up to 34 for a small tin and then for a jar it's 79 so saffron isn't cheap right it's one of the most expensive things that there is so therefore we're going to need to use longer form copy in our ads because either i click through from a short form ad then i come through to this landing page you're sending me a jar of this stuff for 79 and then it's just a basic product page that says premium saffron threads 15 grams there's no real long form body copy on here there's a little

bit of copy in here that's just it's not going to lift enough rate to get a transaction for someone to buy these saffron threads for 80 to a completely cold audience right we're going to need to really get them we're going to pre-sell that traffic before they come through to this product page and that's the way that you want to do it so benefit and intrigue in the headline more intriguing benefits in the leading copy long form story copy and then not buy now not free shipping we want to sell the click get them to

click on through to our website and then out let our actual website do do the selling so there you have it if you do those things what will happen is you'll notice that your click-through rate goes through the roof you'll get a lot more engagement on the ad there'll be people tagging each other which then signals to the facebook algorithm this ad must be of very high quality because people are sharing it and people are engaging of it because it's a standalone value in the ad itself and there's a story and there's things that could

interest people whether or not they choose to buy your saffron tea and then that in turn is going to get you much more cheaper traffic higher click-through rate higher intent traffic pre-sold traffic through to your product page or through to your home page and then as a result of that your roads will shoot through the roof so i hope that helps you a mirror hey guys we're coming to you from lockdown in melbourne if you enjoyed this video please like and subscribe share it with a friend we're dropping a video like this every day on

youtube and i will see you in the next video [Music] you