What I learned about Men, Love and Loneliness while being trafficked.

I really want to make this clear before I do this video I have judged myself harder than anybody else any of you people in the comment section that might say whatever can judge me I have I have been my most harsh critic there's nothing that anybody can say that I haven't said to myself there's nothing that anybody could say that I haven't thought even when it comes to just the most brutal things in reality we are our own we are Our Own Worst Enemy sometimes and our own worst judge judger and this is this is

a video I really feel like I need to do um because a lot of people who have been in this industry or who have been trafficked uh which I was trafficked when I was just about to turn 19 so a lot of people want to talk about the trauma side of it and I totally respect that but I want to talk about what I learned from Men I learned a lot and actually I I learned a lot um and not all bad I just want to make that clear my perspective is very different than I

think some other people's I am not saying that I want to make this clear real quick that um almost every single one of those men had no clue that I was being trafficked that there was was a pimp or somebody helping to like you know there was somebody else behind the scene they had no clue that some of the things that were being posted it was actually a guy putting all that stuff on there they had no clue um so I just want to make that clear before I do this this is not a normal

video that I have seen um so I thought it's something that I've really been trying to like grasp at for a really long time for many years I've been out of this for 7 years and got out 7 years ago so I want to start by just just putting that out there you know I feel very nervous my heart is racing my heart is pounding right now and I feel nervous talking about this and I hope that people understand where I'm coming from I'm not trying to judge any anybody here I'm just trying to express

my perception um so there's a quote that I often think about and it's life will break you nobody can protect you from that and living alone won't either for Solitude will also break you with its yearning but you have to love you have to feel it is the reason you are on the earth on this Earth so I didn't choose to be trafficked and for a long time I thought the only thing um I take from that experience was going to be pain but over time I realized that I I learned more than just the

trauma part of it I learned about people I learned a lot about men and women and myself um how we all search for connection even when we don't know how I don't excuse what happened to me but I can't pretend I didn't see the men who paid to see me now to pay who paid to see me not just for what they did um but for who they were some were broken some were grieving some just wanted somebody to lay next to to feel human again and for reasons I'm still figuring out I I've wanted

to understand them I want to understand everything I'm the type of person that questions everything why why why do people do this why you know I'm very fascinated by people including my own decisions but especially others um I remember one there's there was one guy whose wife passed away and he really he didn't even want sex for me um he really just wanted somebody to watch a movie with to lay with to talk or to be in silence um while he remembered what it felt like to be close to someone I it it reminded me

of the movie Her where walking Phoenix falls in love with an AI not because he's desperate but because he's lonely because even though the connection is isn't real it feels real enough that's the part I think most people don't understand is that for some men this wasn't just like about lust it was about escaping the silence and trying to find somebody that can maybe give you comfort and trying to find the warmth in places that left them colder than before and that's not something that normally we can find with Society nowadays by just going out

you know um sometimes you can but I don't know people are different I'm not here to judge but I'm not really here to judge um not every man I met was like that though some were addicts not to substances or alcohol but to the chase the high of the transaction I wasn't a person to them I was just part of a loop it felt like shame the movie where um Michael Fence F fos Benders character can't stop seeking out sex even when it leaves him feeling emptier each time that kind of addiction it doesn't care

about faces it only cares about the cycle um I also I saw and I saw it men who thought that they were in control but they were drowning in it coming back again and again hoping it would fill something inside of them that just kept growing uh they they became addicted to that lifestyle is weird um but it happens um then there were the ones who didn't belong there attractive Charming the kind of man that you would think could pick up any girl in a bar the one that you were just like why are you

here why are you paying me and the craziest thing is one guy I'll never forget I asked him and he just said that he's tired of the games he was tired of going out on and taking women out on dates and spending $200 on food and drinks and just to be ghosted or to find out that the girl had a boyfriend or to find out you know there's all these games involved he just got sick and tired of it he became he became better for sure and he was just like I'd rather just pay for

what I want at that point like I would just pay and I could see like that he became better um it felt like what is love and the film men stopped trying to connect because they feel used tired of rejection and instead of uh risking real intimacy again they pay for something simple even if it's Hollow but the most unsettling part of was the men who didn't want people at all I've seen it now men choosing AI girlfriends virtual companions because they don't disappoint they're programmed to love you back it reminds me of Blade Runner

20 2049 the main character has an a girlfriend she says everything he needs to hear she's perfect but she's not real and that's the problem that's where we're heading real intimacy is it's too risky um we so we build something artificial and call it love and it works until you realize you're even lonelier than before because people have a hard time now being transparent because we've all been hurt right we've all been hurt some men don't want intimacy they want control I wasn't a person to some of them I was something to conquer um it

felt like ex machina where men build AI women not to love them but to own them to manipulate to discard them when they stop playing along um this is the part that really terrifies me though is it's not just trafficking anymore it's not just men pain for women we've stepped into something darker um for me what I learned about men was there's a different variety of men but honestly most of them were lonely were bitter um were um had a hard time finding something meaningful and uh Andor I think they became addicted to the whole

cycle that was the majority of it um the ones who were grieving or whatever um that was that was different there were men this this is this is the part that I feel like the most embarrassed about and ashamed and I don't think I have forgiven myself eventually when I would find out that men were married it was horrible and um I felt horrible I was I was I would try to talk to them about it and ask them questions like questions I shouldn't even be asking to try to like figure out how could I

help their marriage and what could I give any advice and I remember asking this uh doctor and I was like where does your wife think you are right now and he said oh on lunch break and even just saying that now I remember that day the pit of my stomach it just I was a part of the problem the people behind me were a part of the problem and I feel so sorry I feel so bad for those women I feel so much guilt and pain and honestly I don't understand those men I'm just going

to be honest I'm I don't really understand that if it's not working and you have to go and betray somebody and go behind their back and pay somebody and you don't know you might as well just you might as well leave the relationship the marriage um but again that's not for me to force people that that that was one of the worst I would say the other worst thing was um being traffic to um drugs dealers yeah yeah I hear it from guys I know I hear this from friends from guys I used to date

or my partner now that we are together um how only fans is safer than dating how AI girlfriends never reject you I've watched Men lose themselves to Corn because it feels easier than facing real people and women we're doing the same thing women are just as bad I mean we're ghosting for sport using men for attention we don't even care about but now it's not just us hurting each other it's machines AI girlfriends are already here I've seen the ads she listens to you she won't cheat on you and people think it's funny and they

laugh but I don't think it is um because the truth is humans are parasites to each other we drain each other we use each other we traumatize each other but here's the part that stings who builds the AI girlfriend friends who creates the corn who feels trafficking it's not robots it's humans so when humans are trying to say hey don't worry this robot isn't going to hurt you who who's who's the creator of it a human we create the very thing that destroys us we we hurt each other then we turn around and design something

worse to replace the connection that we've ruined and it feels like a cycle that is never ending AI girlfriends are just the beginning what happens when robots replace intimacy altogether what happens when corn isn't just on screen but something we can feel live in Escape to at some point we won't need each other at all and honestly that really scares me I don't know if that scares you but when I think about this and I think about everything that I've learned from men and what I see around me I feel like I'm holding bricks in

my hands like I'm so terrified for our the future generation we are just in a cycle of Destruction when it comes to relationships I think about it a lot how how we ruin each other and call it normal and it's hard to say this but after everything I've seen I don't know if we can stop we destroy each other for money for attention for control and now we're building things to destroy the little intimacy we have left the the scariest part we won't even realize how far that we've gone until there's nothing human left to

save I don't have the answers I'm just someone who's been hurt trying to understand why we keep hurting each other why you know my own choices my own decisions or even my own decisions that were not really mind to make um but there's one thing I know it's this if we don't stop seeing each other as disposable we'll build a world where none of us matter because at the end of the day we can't blame the robots we can't blame only fans we can't blame corn we can't blame trafficking we can't blame escorts we build

them we we keep all of this stuff going going when it's a cycle that we have to be able to close and to stop and how I don't know maybe having this type of conversation like I've said in a past video I did not go through all of that for nothing and I'm trying to figure out what can I can I do with all that pain what can I do with the self- Betrayal most of all the Betrayal of my own self wasn't just others it was me but I betrayed my own self you know

I allowed people to do things to me I didn't protect myself I look back I have flashbacks and I think about oh I just want to grab myself myself like 10 years ago and just wrap that girl up and say you're going to be okay like I got you I'm going to get you out of this you're going to be okay for any man that is watching this some of you I understand some of you I don't understand and that's okay I know some of you don't understand women and that's okay but this isn't a

competition of who's worse than the other we have all been screwed over I've been cheated on I've been lied to I've I've been screwed over just like many men have I've been ghosted and this isn't a competition we have all been hurt we hurt each other so how do we heal each other I would say what I learned I went to counseling tried to work through all that trauma and I guess sometimes it takes time but building a relationship with somebody that feels safe and feels close to home and also taking time to be single

to love myself and to be my own best friend because I'm you you are going to be the best friend no one else will so if I could give anybody advice I know how it feels to be screwed over by people that you trusted and you look at them and you're like I thought I knew who you were I never thought you would do something like this to me I know how that feels and I've been the villain in this too so it's all about like healing those inner parts of ourselves that need healing and

nurturing ourselves I think that's where it really starts thank you for listening to this video I hope that this helps and happy New Year to everybody I hope this new year brings a lot of people a lot of healing peace and something new and that you end up getting at least one goal of yours done thank you Happy New Year