How to Ask for Help When You're Overwhelmed

for very understandable reasons we spend an enormous amount of energy trying to make sure that we come across to other people as sane balanced and normal we know the reality is a little bit more complicated but for much of our Lives we're able to keep matters more or less Under Wraps there may have been a few extreme moments on our own in the bedroom or bathroom or driving in a car or coming home late on a train but generally will have drawn tight boundaries around the crisis and no one will have known but then if

we're unlucky and probably if we're just human life will test us more than this at some stage we'll end up in a situation that blows apart our normal abilities to cope which destroys our capacity for perspective for reason calm and Mastery it might be something at work or in our relationship a financial or a health issue something to do with reputation or with family responsibility as the problem continues to grow we will realize that we are in uncharted waters that we are entirely overwhelmed and that we don't know whom to turn to sadly it isn't

uncommon that our thoughts may eventually grow very dark indeed in our private Agony we may start to imagine that it really would be better if we didn't exist and that there might be only one way to stop the pain if we're to survive and there truly may be nothing less at stake we're going to need to be very brave indeed we're going to need to break the isolated habits of a lifetime and take someone else into our confidence every impulse may tell us to manage things alone we're trained to fear confession we are experts in

not revealing our vulnerabilities at the same time we don't have a choice any longer we might not make it if we don't speak and so we may simp simply have to write a message or a letter a bit like this to someone close to us whom we hoped never to have to depend on to this extent I'm so sorry to bother you with this something a bit difficult's come up please forgive me for taking up your time I thought I could cope but I can't I'm feeling overwhelmed and didn't know whom to turn to the

reality is that we may not have an ideal friend in the vicinity perhaps the person we've picked is a little go or easily scared or busy but we can't wait for Perfection to arrive we need another mind to help us where our own has faltered I wonder if I might drop in on you after work or perhaps we can have a call one evening we may in any case be underestimating what they can deal with we may have colluded with them to keep matters fun and superficial over the years but they like we will have

their complexities and may be a lot more Adept at navig ating the messiness of life than we imagine we may be very surprised by what others can deal with when we need them I hope this isn't too surprising I'm sure I can get through this but right now I'm a bit at Sea the price of survival has to be a drop in Pride they'll have to see us crying they'll have to know we've done a foolish or embarrassing thing we'll have to show that we're not as mentally coherent as we wanted to be we'll need

to admit to our confusion sorrow and guilt it's hugely awkward and absolutely not our first choice but if we act we'll have a chance to reach our 8s and maybe see some grandchildren I wish I didn't have to bother you we underestimate how much we all love to be needed how much we long to be able to help others as a way to make ourselves feel less useless and alone we may almost be doing someone else a favor rescuing them from a sense of isolation I can explain properly when I see you there will probably

be tears when we eventually narrate our story we'll think we're pathetic but any kind onlooker will simply take us to be touching and brave with any luck the friend will know more or less what to say the confession will help hugely some perspective will be found and the friendship will become deeper than any we've yet had we'll eventually be able to look back on this nightmarish period with a shudder but also immense gratitude we have learned a lesson in not keeping it all to ourselves and almost without knowing it we'll start to admit suggestions to

others that we would be someone to talk to during the worst days of their lives