one of the greatest feelings in the world is knowing that someone likes you it doesn't matter if it's your crush your boss a new friend or your favorite barista it's possible that these three words are some of the most powerful words in the English language I like you okay okay I love you are three pretty strong words too but I like you precedes I love you in a way like is kind of the appetizer of love and no one loves appetizers more than me my name is Vanessa van Edwards and I'm lead investigator at the
science of people our human behavior research lab I want to share some fascinating science around likeability because I believe being likable is not a nice-to-have it's a need to have [Music] there's no doubt about it highly likeable people have more they have more friends they land more deals they get more dates when an exceptionally likable person walks into a room people want to know them basically highly likeable people are superheroes and I think you can be one too in case you don't believe me some science for you the Australia Journal of Psychology found that likable
people are more likely to keep their jobs not technical skills not talent but likability why because likeable people are easier to work with they're great on teams and get people to work with them seamlessly in fact a study by talent smart of more than a million people found that people who are highly likable outperform those who aren't researcher John canal makes it clear likability is the greatest predictor of popularity and social acceptance in a group for adults more important than wealth status or physical attractiveness it's time for us to make likeability a priority here's how
step number one use signalling here's something crazy in the last seven days over 3400 people searched how to know if people like me on Google even more search for how to know if a guy likes me and how to know if a girl likes me we're constantly trying to gauge if people like us and it's not always easy to know you know why we try to hide it this phenomenon is called signal amplification bias people tend to think their social cues are obvious but in fact they're not research has found that we are so afraid
of rejection that we hide our feelings of liking in other words we're so afraid people won't like us back that we don't show them like at all and this creates a terrible loop first you hide your feelings of link then they hide their feelings of like then no one knows if anyone likes them repeat this is why thousands of people are searching google for likeability tips let's stop the liking loop madness remember when you were little and you met a new friend at camp or school if you liked them you were very direct I remember
having a new friend say to me I like you let's be friends easiest friendship ever now as adults we try to play it cool I might like you maybe I'm not sure I'm so busy I don't have time for liking unless you do then maybe I do but only if you go first this likability coyness happens professionally romantically and even with new friends researcher Monica Moore found that even when we think we are being obvious were not for example how many direct glances does a woman have to make before her intended will approach her here
your choices a two glances B five glances C 9 glances or D 13 glances the answer is D 13 yes 13 glances I don't know about you but my friend looks at a guy once maybe twice and if he doesn't come over she assumes he doesn't like her here's the problem when we don't use signalling we're missing opportunities for mutual like if you don't signal enough likability people will assume you don't like them and then they will have trouble liking you back bottom line you think people know when you like them but they don't and
here's why that's important step number two we like people who like us here is the simplest most powerful tip I can give you on likability it completely changed every interaction I have if you like more people more people like you yes humans are funny the moment we know someone likes us we like them more too why there's no risk of social rejection if we know they like us we don't have any risk in liking them back and subconsciously if someone likes us we think hey they must have great taste and my book captivate I share
a study that looked at popular kids in high school what do you think the most popular kids popular the most liked students also liked the most other people the most popular kids weren't afraid to say hello to people in hallways smile first or be clear with their social signaling bottom line like more people and more people will like you step number three use the similarity attraction effect as much as we can appreciate differences in our fellow human beings we're actually wired to like people similar to us this is called the similarity attraction effect similarity attraction
effect says we like people who are like us I know the cliche says that opposites attract but when it comes to instant likability we tend to like people who have similar values to us similar interest to us and look more like us in one study researchers found that we even help strangers who are dressed more like us so how can we use a similarity attraction effect to be more likeable easy you highlight your similarities the next few steps show you exactly how to do this in an authentic way set number 4 highlight similarities when you
first meet someone you should constantly be on the lookout for similarities are you both drinking the same red wine do you both know the host from work do you both love Thai food or yet your first few conversational topics to find mutual likes and dislikes then once you find one similarity don't let it pass you by here are a few common examples they think cilantro tastes like soap because it does share in the grossest with them and double down on that disgusting green herb by saying oh yeah cilantro is the silent food killer I'm totally
on the same page or you overhear someone mention they're addicted to the show The Handmaid's Tale pipe in with your favorite scenes or someone at work is brave enough to mention that something makes them nervous stressed or afraid don't let them be alone take them aside and tell them you have felt exactly the same way but for insider tip I'm also a big fan of the high fives if I hear someone who is in a Seinfeld I'm like high-five if I hear someone who loves to eat breakfast for dinner I like high-five if I hear
someone also sneezes when they eat chocolate I'm like high-five no that's a weird one okay that's a where I get that that's a weird one bottom line we like people who are like us so get real on what you love and highlight that love and other people step number five be the real deal I want you to highlight similarities but these have to be real similarities the absolute worst thing in the world is pretending to like something you don't pretending to be something you're not or sucking up research from UCLA had participants rate over 500
adjectives based on their significance to likeability the top rated adjectives had nothing to do with being extroverted smart for attractive which are typical stereotypes of likability instead the top adjectives were sincerity transparency and capacity for understanding bottom line be real if you're the real deal people will be more real with you as well a good reminder as I was working on this video I realized the biggest challenge we faced and likability might be internal not just external if we don't like ourselves it's hard for others to like us people pick up on self hate low
self-esteem and fear if you feel that you don't truly like yourself I would say your first step is working on who you are and loving yourself for it you're awesome others need to know you to remember I really really like you [Music] yeah like it and at the end the video did you love this video we love you too please give us some love by liking this video and subscribing to our Channel you might also like these videos to check out after this one
