Robert Greene: "You won't see it coming"- The 13 Manipulative Tactics Men Use to Keep Women Hooked!

a seduction is you're taking somebody into something different heightened more dramatic more interesting it prays on a very Elemental part of human psychology she's hooked the moment she pursues you in any way it's over you've seduced her Robert Green welcome to women of impact thank you for having me Lisa my pleasure now you wrote a book called The Art of Seduction and while it teaches men how to seduce women it also reads as a warning manual for women to know and learn the tactics that men actually use on us and so you say it all

starts with number one which is choose the right victim so the question I have is what makes for a good victim in a kind of a cold seduction where you're looking at a victim who's got vulnerabilities and insecurities that you can take advantage of now that's not the kind of Seduction I'm trying to promote the book but as you say I'm revealing the secrets that a lot of men use and there there are men out there who have a radar for picking on women who have just the right kind of insecurities just the right kind

of vulnerabilities that they can pray upon and for them that was would make the perfect victim seduction depends on the fact that people lack something in their life right and you are going to be the one supplying them they're missing something okay the word for for love arrows and the erotic comes from the God who shoots an arrow into someone and wounds them and poisons them right so falling in love and seducing is creating a wound in the other person they need you you're going to feel what they can't get on their own so somebody

who is completely happy in their life who's got everything they want is very hard to seduce now if you're a great Seducer you know a top level Seducer you will always find something that people are missing nobody is completely happy even the very happiest person actually is probably covering up something and so you'll be able to find that but the woman who reveals that she's unhappy that she's got vulnerabilities that she's been wounded before and and there's something missing in her life that's like I can ride right through that I can be the one to

supply I can be the one to make her happy they're they're much easier to seduce okay and you also say that people with imagination talk to me about what the impact of having an imagination if a woman has one versus if she doesn't so the trick in seduction of male or female seduction is when you're not there the other person is thinking about you that is when you've succeeded that is the game that you're trying to play Because when you're there they're seeing you and things are going on they're thinking about you but when you're

absent and they're thinking about you then you've gotten under their skin if if you're not there and they're not thinking about you then your seduction isn't working right so the whole point is to create a fantasy in which They're Going H one of the things I talk about is creating mix signals like people seem to be good but they also show a little bit of an evil sign and so the woman is thinking who is this man do I really know him what is he really about it kind of I'm intrigued and he's he sort

of touched on certain fantasy and points and Her Imagination now takes over she starts thinking about him she starts imagining him as if he could be playing one of these great archetypes of the male Seducer right he could be The Rescuer he could be the hero and so because she has an imagination a vivid imagination she's enveloping him in all of these fantasies from her point of view and so if the male Seducer knows how to feed a little bit her imagination so that when he's not there she starts enveloping him in this there's the

great writer stendal the French writer who wrote a book on love he compared it to these limbs of trees that had been dropped into this mine this crystal mine in Germany and when they pull them out they're full of crystals and he calls falling in love this crystallization method where in your mind crystals are forming where you're imagining this person is fantastic and has all these fantasy El elements well if the woman has no imagination is so matter of a fact and so businesslike you could do all of the tactics in The Art of Seduction

and she won't be thinking about you she won't be enveloping you in these fantasies what's interesting then in that imagination I wonder if it's even worse in today's society because you've got social media people look online before they go on a date and they see photos of somebody and then they have this whole imagination of what that person looks like like if that person then that's got this wild imagination where they see let's say a guy with a dog and they're like oh my God he loves dogs we're going to come together we're going to

have this dog family like he's my person and that whole idea of the imagination before you've even gone in the date is even more dangerous now probably you're talking to somebody a little bit older I mean a lot older but so I'm back in the day where I had to go to a bar I had to go actually had the coonis to go pick up a woman right I didn't have all this crap so yeah if you're a male Seducer you know how to create that Fantasy by having a picture of holding a little cat

oh he's so sensitive and wonderful or a dog you know and creating this kind of image that's going to feed women's imagination she's hooked he's got the little hook in her he can take her wherever he wants so using that and being very clever with how you present yourself with the image and the words that go with it you know you can you can feed that imagination Factor yeah yeah um okay so what I've done is I've actually pulled out um so you have a seduction process in your book and I've pulled out some of

the ones that I just find utterly fascinating that I would love to really talk about so number two actually I only got to number two um 24 to go I know well I've pulled I have't I was going to go through all of them Robert and I was like if only I could keep you here for multiple hours I would um because I adore you so much but what we've done is I've just pulled out like the ones I think my audience would really find powerful so you got number two which is create a falce

sense of security so when a man's trying to seduce a woman the woman there's a weariness women have much more to lose in a seduction than the man right men they'll sleep with anybody practically right we all know that woman a woman has much more to lose in that process so women are wary right and so you have to overcome their weariness you have to create some TR trust and if you're an honest Seducer you're creating honest trust but if you're a dishonest Seducer you're creating a false sense of trust and one of the strategies

that I talk about is you become their friend and when you're their friend and you know this this this is a longer this will take several months because you can't do it in a couple of days when you become their friend you don't seem so threatening you know the trust element comes into play right you see them as someone who genuinely likees you know for a woman for a man who wants to be their friend well on one hand it might be insulting that he doesn't see me as attractive but on the other hand he

wants to be my friend and it's very kind of flattering well you get that friendship going and then you inject something else you start bringing in some of that sexual El some of that erotic element and the trust element that has been established makes it very difficult for the she becomes very confused and because she's been emotionally connected as a friend it's like a bridge to creating a connection sexually so starting off by lowering their their um weariness of you their suspicion by trying to be their friend means oh he's not he's not just interested

in sex but he might be just interested in sex but he's using this this this tactic to kind of lower your your suspicions about him I hate to say that it's genius but it's actually genius um as a woman as you're talking I'm literally thinking to myself yeah you would trust them because in all honesty robber if I went out let's say I wasn't married and I went out with a guy and I was like I'm not sure if it's a day you know it's a group of us you as a woman you absolutely have

one eye open the whole time you're like is he going to make a move like you're just aware of that constantly if he doesn't then make a move a week later two weeks later and he's genuinely asking me about my family like I actually completely understand why as a woman you were like wow he actually likes me me for me not me as potential object not me as a one night stand and then that does allow you to lower your guard yeah the way to see through that tactic is is this attempt at friendship genuine

or not and that's a tricky question right but that opens up the whole thing about being much more sensitive to the nonverbal cues that you pick up from from person because what often happens with women is that they sense something is wrong with the man from the first time they meet him but then they drop the suspicion very quickly think oh he's not so bad or I I had it all wrong but actually that first instinct was very right so you have to trust your instincts and you have to trust that this person that is

trying to become your friend they're giving off signs that there's something kind of cold about it it doesn't feel genuine right it feels like a tactic and we can get into that later because it's I would love to actually if you don't mind just giving us a few now so one thing that that a man will do if he's using this kind of tactic is he' use he's in a bit of a hurry right because Jesus Christ I don't have six months to become friends with this woman I want to sleep with her tomorrow right

so he's in a bit of a hurry so his effort to be a friend is kind of rushed he really likes you right but he's he's he's texting you he's talking about you asking you questions and all these other things and but it's all in seems kind of rushed in a in a period of like a week or so he's suddenly your friend now that is a sure sign that something else is going on because if you genuinely want to be a friend of someone you're willing to take your time right so the calculating Seducer

is probably after sex fairly quickly right or or an abusive relationship so they're not willing to take their time in that area but also as I said people who are narcissists um and that's that's a pretty broad category but a big category of the cold male Seducer you can kind of pick up the signs in there so they're asking you questions but they're but they're they don't seem genuinely interested there's a kind of coldness in their eyes I said the classic non-verbal cue of a narcissist is there's a disconnect between their eyes and their mouth

so they smile oh yes that's so interesting Lisa yeah but the eyes are dead their eyes are not when someone's genuinely interested the whole face lights up you can't fake that but what you can fake is a kind of a a smile but the eyes reveal so there are signs of the narcissist isn't really emotionally involved but the problem with a lot of women in this situation is they're not attentive they're thinking about themselves they're projecting onto the man images from their childhood their father figures previous men who've hurt them they're not in the moment

they're not reading the fine grain nonverbal um cues that the other person is getting they're thinking about their problems their history their fantasies but you have to F you have to be in the moment you have to look at them and see if that interest that they're sh KN to be your friend is actually genuine or not and the face will often reveal that Ah that's so good one thing I'd like to add as a woman though also um as an adult woman I feel like I have neglected and ignored my gut intuition sure and

so I think a big part of it is we have the gut intuition we've been told our whole lives or we feel like we've ignored it we've told not to trust it and so now I think actually is useful to start to learn and trust your gut into again so that when that sort of thing happens you don't go well it must be C I must be crazy just believe what they say you actually listen to it and you're like what is it that my body or my mind is trying to tell me and if

it's I don't trust this person then the next question is why and I love you being able to give that tactic of look at their eyes and look at their mouth and if there feels like there's something out of alignment notice it and trust it I think that's really powerful well um you know in the past before the internet before when people were more social and women were a little bit warier than they are now about men right because becoming pregnant outside of marriage was a huge deal they had that instinct it was very very

strong a woman could pick up the signals of a cold Seducer pretty quickly but that skill has been degraded in the modern era right and so when you're spending so much of your time on your phone and you're judging people they're the virtual thing not you're losing the sense of how to look at somebody in the moment and feel it's not just the thing I told you about the eyes some of it I can't even communicate in words it's that gut feeling that something isn't right about this person something is disconnected I can't say exactly

what it is but it's giving me a feeling that he is not who he pretends to be there's a fine line between that and paranoia where you're doing that to every man because if you become like that then you can never have a good relationship you can never let down your guard so that you can go too far with that but you should have in the initial stages of relationship a woman should have a little bit of Suspicion a little bit of weariness that has to come down he has to earn your trust he can't

just be this instant thing that that happens oh God I love the earning the trusting I think that's super important versus just give it give your trust over um one thing I started to do was really start to learn my own intuition and almost train it and think of it like a skill set because I've been ignoring it for so long and it keeps showing up and it's like I need to start listening to it so instead of just taking it for fact what I started to do is every time I had the gut intuition

I would write it down you give me an example something um yes somebody gave me some signals where I'm like I don't know if I can trust that person there's something and I don't know what because on paper if it was a script it would read very normal people would be like there's nothing wrong but there were certain things that they said that made me think they weren't trustworthy and they were a flake I had zero proof and every time I tried to articulate it I was like I think I'm just imagining it but it

feels real and within a month of course it completely played out the way that my gut had anticipated and they were proven to not be trustworthy so that allowed me to encourage myself to listen to non-verbal more that's right it's very important yeah yeah um all right I want to go on to the next one now on number three so number number three it is number three I was like trying I was like I got to reduce it they're just so good Robert they're so good you mentioned this earlier but you said mixed signal so

talk to me about mixed signals well it's a very powerful seduction technique it prays on a very Elemental part of human psychology it's something that I don't think people are so good at anymore um but the example I give in the book is of this woman who was a fantastic seductress in the beginning of the 19th century I believe it's Madame ramier she was so Angelic she was just so pure and so chased she played the harp you know what that's the instrument that Angels play right there would be salons where she would be playing

the harb and there would be other musicians there and she was very beautiful and the men would like going crazy about her but then what she would do is she'd be playing the harp and then she would shoot this man a look that said something else something a little bit sexual something a little bit naughty but then it was gone and she was playing the harp again and he'd be going what the hell was that did I just pick up like some kind of interest in me that was physical but then then she went back

she she's such so Angelic she's so unlike that right what is it well that triggers the fantasy element right the person is a puzzle and the problem today and people are so obvious they're so goddamn obvious they're on the internet they're saying here's what I have for breakfast here's what I love you know I'm I'm just opening myself up and this is who I am right but seduction involves a little bit of mystery a little bit of fantasy it's not like everyday life it's not like things on Instagram it's something different it's theater that's what's

exciting about it okay so if you're the male Seducer he will be someone who seems very trustworthy very honest very solid he's he's a he he went got an MBA he's working for Goldman Sachs but then he reveals something a little bit rock and roll a little bit rebellious a little bit like takes something else about him that doesn't quite click wow I didn't know who this guy is maybe he's more interesting than I thought maybe he's not so buttoned up and so controlled as I thought there's another aspect to him the element of surprise

that you don't know who someone is is what fascinates us about a movie when you create a character and suddenly on screen they reveal a trait that seems out of character wow that's exciting that's what makes you that's that's how movies work right it's the same thing in real life you create a sense of you don't know who I am but it has to be subtle it's not like you're you're not Dr Jackel and Mr Hy you're not half evil and half button- down Banker you're ni 95% banker and your two or three or 4%

of this other thing it's a little peak of something else that intrigues that creates a fantasy element okay now how a woman could sense that that is a tactic it comes back down to that non-verbal element or the other thing is analyze what it is that's intriguing you what it is it's making you think about the person so from the woman's point of view the ability to stand back and analyze the situation instead of getting emotionally immediately rushing in emotionally is probably the best thing overall for all of for the whole thing that we're talking

about today okay so number five see I I ditched number four I ditched number four we got create a need so you put stir anxiety and discontent well that's that's one of the more evil tactics I don't deny that I hate to say it because I'm not really into the whole I'm I'm certainly not into the pickup artist scene right and people have Associated my book with that um because I want my sedu my book to be something a little more elevated than than that but the in the in the pickup artist World they have

the thing called negging which neing negative where you tell the woman something negative about them well that creates a kind of a wound in them that gives you room to like now your next step is sort of kind and interested in them but they're but they're feeling like they want to they want to kind of satisfy what you were criticizing so creating a wound creating a need a need for you is what a classic Seducer will do so you're pinpointing a vulnerability that they have something that's missing in their life and you're going to be

the one that provides it so if you actually create the need in in them by something you say and then you're the one to satisfy it is a very very potent seduction technique now the thing that happened with the game and the pickup artist scene in in Los Angeles is that so many men were using these tactics were using that negging tactic that the W the moment a woman heard that she knew the sky pickup artist and they weren't interested in it so it stopped working after a while but if you see a man doing

that if he's like kind of criticizing you in subtle way but then it's covered up by other things going on maybe be feel like that was a tactic that that wasn't genuine that he was doing that to kind of make me feel insecure because an insecure person is more vulnerable to being seduced than a Totally Secure person yeah the problem is when you're insecure if they touch on your insecurity in that moment I don't think you think they're trying to tou on my insecurity you almost think ouch that really hurt God I knew that that

was I was bad at that see I told you so and it almost reconfirms what you're thinking instead of highlights that they're trying to seduce you that's very that's very true coming up a seduction is you're taking somebody out of that world and you're taking them into something different heightened more dramatic more interesting more theatrical all right guys we're going to get right back to the conversation with the amazing Robert Green but first I want to talk talk directly to the badass content creators watching right freaking now when you pour time and love and energy

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use it but I have a feeling you're going to love it all right now back to the episode which is why sometimes you have to be able to like withdraw from your emotional responses and analyze what's going on now I talk about this in all of my books it's very we're emotional animals we're not rational creatures despite what we might think so in the moment you're always going to be emotionally involved you're going to be upset but also you want to show the other person that they're wrong about the insecurity they they created which is

a seduction technique so in the moment as you say you're feeling that and there's no way you're going to get over it it's going to embroil you in a thought process that's going to make you even more insecure what you need to do is the next day you need to look back at what happened and think about it and analyze it when they're not in your presence and go what really went on so that would be a tactic I would really really emphasize on like a first date particularly the next day mentally review what they

did and what they said and think about whether it seemed like it was genuine or natural or if there might have been some kind of manipulative game going on and kind of analyze it a little bit cuz it's hard to do that in the moment do you find that it's harder to even do that when you're the like the closer you are to the person so on the first day I think it may be a little easier to disconnect yourself to be like hang on a minute that was a little rude versus if you're doing

it let's say to a parent or a sibling where you're like that was really offensive do you think it's harder and then if so with any tactics that you have seen or used where it's like even if you care about them and you love them like if it was my husband or your wife like how do we still look at that without emotion and still be able to identify that maybe it was a tactic well it's not always a tactic I mean um I've known uh uh situations where a parent will make a comment about

a woman's weight a kind of a [ __ ] comment and it's not like the person doing that has some kind of Nefarious thing involved they just don't know how to control their mouth they're being passive aggressive in some way right and as you say if it's like a parent or somebody you've been involved with for several years it's much much harder to take that distance but it's very important now I know people in my life who know how to trigger me like that and say something like that and I and I do get upset

even though I've written all the books about not getting upset because I can't I can't bloody well help it right and then I might react and do something that I kind of regret and then I analyze it and then I go what went on here in this situation and I unspool it now it's easy for me to say that because I've been doing this for years it's why I write books I understand that having a distance when a parent says a comment that's kind of biting or cruel it it's very hard like the next day

to think about that and see but in general I try to promote this philosophy that what people do to you is not personal now people have a very hard time with that going well what do you mean it's not personal Robert well what I mean by that is when somebody says something malicious or cruel or [ __ ] they're not really aiming it at you they having problems from their own past they're aiming it at their parent they're aiming at a sibling they're aiming at a previous boyfriend or girlfriend they're aiming it at a colleague

that at work that did something to them it really isn't personal about you in particular it's about them and their problems so if you take the angle that I'm not going to get emotionally involved with this this because it really has nothing to do with me that is an incredibly liberating thing to to develop I'm not saying it's easy but that should be like the end game of of a lot of our kind of self-help I tried to do that recently actually it really worked so I got a very negative comment in my um in

my YouTube channel oh dear what do you mean you you read your YouTube comments yeah I do I read my guys at home I read your comments I really do because here's the thing but they they're cruel they're mean they're awful actually not in my community they're amazing on YouTube yeah it's kind of like the wild wild I know but like because this community is women who actually want to do better like we all really support I'm not to say we don't have those negative NES but we've got these this community where everyone wants to

uplift each other other now every so often though I do get a negative comment and so it's usually when a a video goes viral unfortunately but I got this negative comment and it was so rude it was so dismissive it was so insulting and I just paused first of all I thought what has happened to that person in their life they don't know me so what has happened where they've had such a visceral negative emotion towards me I went back to what what happened in their past what was it that I've done that potentially triggered

them to make them think of their past and then instead of fighting like I've definitely got a strong backbone I just met them with Grace and I said if you just took that minute that you just wrote this negative comment and told someone in your life how much you love them how good they're doing could you imagine what kind of world we would live in and so that's kind of my new approach of that it's not personal greet them with Grace and then the final thing is I don't think men get this as much as

women but the second as a woman you get emotional all of a sudden you get dismissed yeah if you have an emotional response to something even if it's a rightful emotional response to a negative comment if you get your backup it's just your seeing is like now defensive a [ __ ] um and so that was like kind of my new strategy of just I think it's very smart that's very smart going to go to the next point now all right um You somewhat covered this of number nine which is keep them in suspense when

you don't have any idea what's coming next so a seduction is like a story that you're telling right so when you're when you what interests about a story is I don't know what's going to happen next therefore I've got to turn the page I'm watching this movie I don't know what's going to happen to this character all right I'm going to keep watching it right so a seduction operates on that same Dynamic the person doesn't know where you're going to take them on the next date they don't know maybe how how you're going to appear

what you're going to wear what you're going to but the surprises are are positive they're interesting they're exciting there's gifts involved there's places you're taking them to but there's it's not predictable it's unfamiliar it's theater because let's face it for most of us our day-to-day lives are rather banal and rather boring I can say that my life is very boring I just sit in my office writing all day right but for us also in this world you know for men in the N 18th century they were going on ships they were crossing the ocean they

were killing people with swords they were battling they're going off to war it was Adventure it was excitement now they're sitting in cubicles and they're typing all day it's leading these boring banal lives everything is familiar everything is predictable a seduction is you're taking somebody out of that world and you're taking them into something different heightened more dramatic more interesting more theatrical okay so that means you're creating surprises and so when I'm telling men how to seduce I say that you have to you have to kind of create these little moments where the where the

woman is caught off guard she doesn't know where you're taking them where what the next step is there could be sometimes slightly negative things where it might be hm that wasn't good and then you immediately catch it up with something good you know kind of a roller coaster ride very calculated and is that slightly offg guard then because you said sometimes a little bad sometimes good is that part of it as well because if it was always good would it not be as effective yeah exactly um so I mean it's the classic coet strategy where

you're kind of going hot and cold hot and cold hot and cold maybe the hot is 70% and the cold is 30% but when you're cold they like oh my God what's wrong did I do something wrong cuz the first thing that you do is what did I do that was wrong that made them kind of withdraw from me then the next moment they're smiling they're taking you somewhere else oh oh relief oh wow yeah okay it's okay now that's how that you get involved on that kind of emotional roller coaster and they kind of

hook you that way because the whole game besides getting the other person to think about you when you're not there is to get them emotional about you even if they dislike you that's okay because that can be overcome what you cannot overcome is indifference so getting them to be upset which is the whole thing about that wound getting them to be suspicious angry that gives you room to turn around to seduce them because they're emotional they're getting emotional in your presence that emotion in your presence can now be turned into something else oh that's so

true there's actually lyrics in a song that go I'd rather you hate me than forget me yeah and it's a love song about a woman basically saying I'm over you and she's like he he says I'd rather you actually hate me um so I always found that like super fascinating because it still means that you care right whereas the indifference is like you literally don't exist in their lives and they have zero feelings towards you um and then the other thing that you said that really hit me was with hot and cold I was with

before I met Tom I had a very turbulent toxic relationship with a guy for four years and what I remember is on the good days I would say oh my God thank God you stayed with him because then you wouldn't have this is the moments that you love Lisa and then you go through the bad moments and then you get back to the good moment and the good moment you're always like oh pH okay we're back here again thank God the thing about that is I don't know this person so I don't know this relationship

is you wonder is it conscious or unconscious it's both we don't realize that things can to be both so that people may not be totally aware that they're doing that but there's a part of them in the back of their minds that know that they are kind of creating this hot and cold game they're creating a push and pull so it's never completely natural or unconscious there's an element where they kind of know that this is a very effective thing to use on the other person a th% and I think that I'm so glad that

you said that because when I look back at that relationship I realized I was just as manipulative right he would um verbally abuse me and so I use my sexuality I use flirting I use the seduction some of the tools that we're talking about in order to make him um less angry but nothing none of it was deliberate it was all I had a feeling I knew that this worked and so okay Co he's mad with me let me use this so I'm so glad that you said that because I Didn't Do It deliberately it

got the result I wanted right right right okay we're going to move on now to number 13 which is disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability a woman's going to be suspicious of a man because she will think that he's more powerful he's more male he's more masculine he's more aggressive than I am right so she's a little bit afraid women could be a little bit afraid of men and rightfully so so a very nefarious tactic on the male side is to kind of make it feel like the woman is the one in power the woman

is the one who's in control right I'm under her Clause she's the one that's operating this I'm actually kind of weak I'm actually kind of vulnerable well that makes it that that takes all the trust element goes W yeah I feel fine in this person to feel like you're the one controlling the man that he's like weak and he's the more emotional one that he needs you more than you need him is going to make all your suspicions you know disappear but it has to happen at the right moment that's why this is in order

that's why this is number 13 if you did that at number one or two it's like oh this guy's kind of weak true he's too nice I don't I'm not interested him yeah but if he's been kind of leading you along and he seems like he's sort of in control and he's taking you through these these this kind of C this theater and he seems like you have maybe a little bit of fear about him the whole thing is to reduce that fear and at that moment halfway through the seduction as we are to show

that you are the one who's weak and vulnerable will will have a very powerful emotional effect on the other person Oho that was so strong and specifically the order thing that's fascinating cuz you're so right I had dated guys before Tom where day one they're bringing flowers They're doing poetry now what's interesting is when I was with my narcissistic ex I was like I just want a guy that's kind and then I get a guy that's kind and I'm like well he's a bit of a pushover yeah right like and so understanding it you've said

theater quite a few times in this interview as well that it really does hit me it feels like there is a theater behind like a theatrics behind this whole thing yeah yeah it's a trap for a man to in seducing to always try and be so nice because sometimes a woman doesn't want somebody who's so nice because that kind of signals weakness and so you know our our our Sexes are different biology does play a role in things and women may be afraid of but they're also intrigued by the the male by the masculine element

in a man right and if your first signal is poetry and flowers I'm so sensitive I do yoga blah blah blah the nice thing is kind of a trap although for some women it could work if they've been in totally abusive relationships right and you sense that I'm talking about a very cold Seducer here and you sense that well being very kind and nice in the first few weeks will really have them eating out of your hand right okay so not everything is is is so cut and dry in the seduction world you have to

kind of tailor your strategies and tactics for the woman and her her vulnerabilities so the number one quality for a Seducer male or female is authenticity but to appear authentic right yeah so you know if you are genuine Wily nice then that can work but if you are being nice because you know you're insecure then that won't work oh my God that's so true and uh the authenticity piece is super interesting but it's it's very complex because it's they want we want you to be authentic but we still want you to have a backbone and

I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of push back for women that don't feel like this I want to very much C this is how I feel and how a lot of women I have spoken to have felt I'm not making a general War but this is very true to me and my friends and people around me as a woman I want a man that is very kind that hears me that nurtures me that takes care of me when I'm sick but if someone's robbing my house I want him to be a hardcore [

__ ] and I want him to stand in front of me and take a bullet and that is the truth and so I think that's the problem these days where it's like we don't just say what is actually true and so you don't again just speaking for myself I don't want a guy who's just verbally abusive to me treats me like crap doesn't care about me and still protects the and still goes after the robber I'd rather be alone than have that guy and then somebody who is nice kind sweet and then a robber comes

and they look at me and they're like okay honey like no that doesn't drive with me either so I think that there's like we just need to be honest and that's what I really do love about you and your work is that you're able to be that honest about the realities of human behavior mhm well thank you I Tred that's my quest in life all right we're going to move on now to number 15 isolate the victim and I've got a quote even the strongest can be made vulnerable if you isolate them from their nests

and safety nets okay so this is a a manipulative tactic there's no doubt about it people have their own kind of context their family their friends their workplace and sometimes if you can isolate them from that context they become much more vulnerable to you right they don't have any friends they don't have any support anymore so they only can rely on you and it's something that is done over time right so if somebody if you're confronting with a male Seducer who is trying to turn you off from your friends who who is making it so

that your best friend oh I don't think you should trust her I think she's up to something right he's trying to do things like that he's trying to a alienate you from your family I think your parents were really awful to you Etc is a very classic technique because in your sense of isolation you're much more vulnerable to to getting support from this from this particular person and so one of the tactics that um that I talk about in the book is taking the person to another country to another place where they on even on

a holiday or vacation where they feel unsupported where they feel a little bit alone and isolated for several weeks kind of break down that element and make them want to turn to you for trust and support so if you feel that a man is trying to isolate you in the subtlest ways from your friends from your family from the place where you live and is criticizing that and trying to make you feel like maybe I don't like these things maybe that friend isn't really somebody I can trust this is somebody be very very suspicious of

it's a terrible tactic it's trying to isolate you socially from the things that support you and you should be very very suspicious and you should not give into that one of my favorite analogies is have you ever seen like water that drips on a rock and if it goes over and over over years and years the rock head ends up changing its shape I think of narcissistic tactics as as that analogy because as you were describing it imagine you have the person that's subtly giving you these negative comments about your family subtly giving you these

negative comments about your friends over time you end up starting to question it you start to look at something you never would have looked for and before you know it that slow dripping effect that your toxic partner has had on you has eventually changed the way that you see the world and the way you see people around you right right I've also had um on my show um some Ault expert and it was a guy who literally Cults and tries to help rescue people from cult and one of the tactics is they remove you from

your family completely completely they become your family yeah and they put you in an environment where everyone believes the same thing that way if you go to speak up everyone looks at you like you're the outlier like you're the crazy one and so that isolation where you don't have anyone to turn to to kind of like you know like is this normal does is this right that you don't have those people around you to ask and so now you end up feeling like it's all on you or like you're going crazy and also as you

kind of alluded to they kind of isolate you um mentally where they make you question your own values and your own ideas so there values and ideas now are the only ones you can rely upon so one of the isolations is from the things that you in your brain kind of use to support you that you rely upon the values that you hold dear if they can chip away at that then you're even more is and you're even more vulnerable how would they chip away a value can you give me an example let's say you're

a religious person right and you believe very strongly and your belief in God something very important to you and they start kind of chipping away at that about that's so irrational how can you in the 21st century believe that somebody changed water into wine and walked on water how ridiculous and they're being more subtle than that but they're solely Chi away a very important value that you have which is your faith in God right and then just thinking about like if they did it in the mocking tone yeah like I think that would be even

more insulting because it's this like little comment and then if you say well hang on a minute that was really offensive then again that person can come back and say oh you're so sensitive exactly and they just keep turning it back yeah it just keeps turning it back on you that's one of the strategies about insinuation you insinuate doubts into the other person mhm God that's unfortunately so we're going to go to number 18 now which is stir up the transgressive and the taboo I actually was shocked to see that so talk to me about

why stirring up the taboo actually helps as part of the seduction now what shocked you about that I just thought it would be maybe like if someone's a little prudish it may be like a turnoff like oh my God I can't believe you said that and people can sometimes almost be offensive more than it is like intriguing well um seduction in involves by Nature an element of transgressive and taboo so the word itself has this kind of edge to it where we're sort of attracted to it but we're also a little bit afraid of it

it's like something it could be very exciting but there's also something a little bit evil about it a little bit naughty and if it didn't have those two elements it wouldn't be this very powerful word that attracts us so much so people who are pretend that they that they want everything to be so comfortable and easy and perfect in their life they want everything to be good everything to be sweet and Angelic but people are complicated they they desire the opposite of what they say they they think they they want right so underneath every one

one of our desires is secretly something else secretly something maybe the opposite that we want but we're not aware of it and so if everything in this in the ction we're so smooth and wonderful and pleasant he's giving you chocolates and roses and wonderful it doesn't have that edge to it we want an edge to things in life otherwise we're not interested in it it gives it something a little bit a whiff of danger there something we haven't talked about but seduction has to have an element of danger to it it has to be like

being involved with this person it's not like my life is at stake but something potentially bad could happen or there's an adventure involved that I'm not used to where I could lose something that I that I value and that element of danger is actually a spice in our life so my view of people today is that we're too tight we're too like this we're too political we're too like holding on to things we want we're like I call it the new prudery in The Art of Seduction this is the new pries our political correctness our

everything has to be this way I'm so moral and righteous this is what's right and that's what's wrong and secretly Underneath It All We actually yearn for the opposite because it's not natural for us to be so tight and wound up the human being wants to loosen up we want to laugh we want to do the opposite of what's going on in society we want things that are unconventional we want things that are mysterious we want things that are weird and strange we don't want our lives to be so tight and controlled like everything is

on the media where you say one wrong thing and ah 8 million people are after you right so an element of political incorrectness of taboo of something I'm not supposed to be interested in that person but I am how exciting I think is a very very important part of a seduction because people are wound up way too tight these days and they need a release and they need that release is something that they don't normally would never normally do you know what hit me as you were talking have you read I don't know if you

you read this or you'll be horrified that I'm asking you that if you read this have you read 50 Shades of Gray no but uh my wife has and she talked to me about it and so I'm kind of up on on on what it's all about when I was reading it was utterly shocking utterly that's a perfect example of what I'm talking about exactly that was that was what hit yeah that's what hit me because I was like when you were saying to be I was like oh I don't know like if something's tooo

and someone's a little like edgy I think people will get that back up but actually I'm I take that all back because you're th% right because the book you would have your I want to say average woman who's like maybe they've got yoga and they've got kids they're still reading 50 Shades of Gray but it's not only reading 50 Shades of Gray the whole romance fiction world is filled with 50 Shades of Gray where the male no I believe me because Anna's told me she's instructed me about this there it's the hero the male who's

got this kind of Secret side to him he's got a Touch of Evil to him but the woman is going to be the one who's going to change him and that's the whole thing even behind 50 Shades of Gray where I think in the end she does kind of get him to settle down that's the fantasy element the fantasy element is I meet this guy who's got this kind of Secret In this case I guess he's into kind of sadism or BDSM but secretly the woman is attracted to that dark side of him you're a

thousand per right as you're reading it you get more and more intrigued and enticed by the story not less and he M like I mean he gets it to do some crazy [ __ ] like it's pretty runchy and I'm reading it and I'm like finding this fascinating well there you go but then Tom my husband who nothing can shock him like he very rarely gets shocked by anything he picks up the book and he's like what is all the fuss about like every woman that I've heard you're obsessed with it so he opens it

to a random page and he reads one paragraph and he's like oh my he's like even I'm shocked by this and he's like and it's hard to shock me but what was fascinating is that every woman loved it and so do you think that's what it was that it was the story line where you had this sweet woman who then ends up somewhat controlling this very goodlooking wealthy uh dominant man and the sex around it is the taboo that keeps the thread pulling throughout the whole story completely it's a perfect example you you picked the

perfect example of what I was trying to express what you've been doing throughout this interview oh it just literally just hit me in real time I didn't even dawn on me about the taboo no that's exactly what I meant thank you yeah I mean you you should maybe read the book to if you want but I don't know I'd be shocked I'm telling you when Tom was shocked he was like babe I've seen people at airports reading it and he's like if I was a guy reading a porno that was this graphic he's like everyone

would judge me he's like but every woman's carrying it around like a pride of honor and I was like it actually is like it really was this beautiful moment of us women signaling each other to be like I can handle the taboo right right um okay so number 20 we've got mixed pleasure with pain and you say mental emotional physical seduction well now we're entering the last stages of the seduction where you've been messing with the person psychologically they've kind of had a back and forth Dynamic with you where they're very excited they're intrigued but

then they're pulling back because the things you've done that that that they're not sure about and and you've it's like a piece of metal that's getting weaker and weaker and weaker by all the bending back and forth and they're on the verge of breaking and so injecting a little bit of pain at the end of this towards this moment in in the seduction like I'm going to leave you it's over we're not I'm done with you man that'll be very very powerful because there's been so much pleasure so much excitement so much interest involved that

at that moment that you're going to pull back or that you do something kind of Heartless is going to have a devastating effect on the other person so I'm I'm being the evil Seducer now here but giving that back and forth Dynamic where you're leading them along where it's very fun it's pleasurable exciting but their moments of doubt and pain is a very is really is what Hooks the other person and gets them completely in your grasp so if everything is pleasurable it's not going to be it's not going to have the emotional impact and

if you put in particularly near the end these little doses of pain I really think it's important that you said at the end because I think you're right going back to the other ones like if you did at the beginning you're like well this is an [ __ ] like I'm not seeing them again and then you'd never see them again if it's a relation ship but doing it when you feel loved when maybe you feel like you can trust them you've been vulnerable with them and then they do the pain like that conf a

the the the back and forth is so true and it kind of then goes into the other point that you made about the confusion right where it's like making them confused where it's like oh my God this is so amazing oh my God this hurts this is amazing this hurts yeah well I mean um to me I don't know if this GNA sound too weird but an orgasm is a kind of mix of that oh no you're right an orgasm is so pleasurable it almost hurts you're right in French they call it the little death

there's almost a sense of it's too much I'm almost it's almost like I'm having a heart attack but it's so [ __ ] pleasurable right and so in the orgasm itself which is the end go perhaps in a seduction this is kind of like a little mini orgasm where there's both that sense of this is so much fun but it's it's also kind of a bit unpleasant kind of mimics that sensation if I'm not being too theoretical here no I think you've hit the nail on the head actually okay we're going to move on now

to number 21 give them space to fall the pursuer is pursued if you're pursuing someone so much right it's it's almost like it's getting too predictable here and the sense of being constantly chased and sense of pursued is tiring it's also a little bit frightening and it's also like where is this all ending right it's going too much like you're in control of everything if you take a step back you're the one pursuing her and now you step back and you don't call her as much and you're doing your work and you're not so interested

in her suddenly she's going to have to pursue you because you You've Got Your Hooks in her so deeply M and the moment she you've created this space because think of it spatially you're after her you're after her it's like this this this this this you're after her and then you pull back now there's a space between you two that space is where she's going to fall and that's what I mean by it so you've pulled back and now she's going to pursue you because she doesn't want to lose it it's been so interesting and

so pleasurable and she's so used to this Dynamic that she's now going to turn around the moment she pursues you in any way it's over you've seduced her that's it so it's got to be timed right we're very near the end of our seduction here because that literally means to fall and we're like falling in love so I this is a book about falling getting people to love you it's not a book about just having sex it's all psychological and literally falling and love is a you can't control it you're falling so you're giving them

space for them to fall because if you're pursuing them they're just backing up but you want them to go like that I interviewed a CIA spy and part of his techniques is to be able to um convince someone to trust them and to love right to take to take their secrets and he says that the thing that you need to do is get them they need to trust you because people don't necessarily fall into love they actually fall into trust and it's the trust that they perceive as love and I found that always fascinating wow

um so we got number 23 so that was the last one I went to master the art of the Bold move this is the end of it the end game which could be sex whatever it is that you're after okay but um the problem that a man will have in this situation is he's so worried that he's that the he's going to offend the woman that she's going to think that all he wants is sex he's trying to be nice he's and so he's he's he's he's reluctant to take the last step right but then

to the woman that signals you've been doing this all along you don't desire me that much you're not willing to do something kind of aggressive this is the moment that the woman wants something aggressive she doesn't want you to hit her but she wants you to take the initiative and do something which signals that you are so attracted to her you are so in love with her that you're just going to like pounce on her and that's what ends a sedu that's what's powerful that's what moves the other person but the fact that you're hesitating

ruins the whole effect so at the very last moment it's your boldness that will consummate it's the boldness that in this situation the woman actually wants okay so you wrote those oh my God they're so powerful and then you do do a fourth one which 24 which is kind of you said the after effect so beware of the after effects um what are the after effects well let's take it from since this is your audience is female let's take it from the woman's point of view the man has been doing all of these things that

have quite honestly required some effort right he's put you know if it's been over the course of a couple months let's just give it a little bit of time we're not doing one of those pickup in a bar three day kind of things it's been a couple months he's been working at it right he's been doing these things he's been taking you out here he's been buying you things you're you're also doing things as well I'm not saying it's totally one-sided but he's been putting in all this effort now he's got what he wants and

it's all gone right now he doesn't need to take you out to a nice restaurant now he doesn't need to dress up nicely he can just sit at home in his shorts and order pizza in and watch games he takes she starts to take you for granted right he stops seducing now I'm saying in in this 24 here obviously you're not going to be um giving the same amount of effort that you did earlier on that would be exhausting a couple that like you lasted 22 years if Tom was or you were doing this for

22 years you would have killed yourself by then it' be too much no you have to keep seducing a little bit on and on and on you have to do occasionally do surprises you have to occasionally take them to Someplace Special you have to be willing to keep dressing nicely or or do something different to have that slight theatrical that sort of fantasy element there still has to be a little bit of mystery involved if the other person becomes so familiar then then then the spark then the charge between you will dissipate so there has

to be a little bit of mystery a little bit of space still between you and some surprise so naturally it's going to get lesser the longer you're together but it can't completely disappear and a lot of women complain at least I've heard that he just stopped trying right it just everything suddenly became I just became somebody familiar to him and all the magic was gone and all the things that he used to do that were full of effort all of it has just gone like that and that's it's a devastating feeling like I'm not worth

it anymore it's all over that kills a relationship okay I'd really love to break down the nine Seducer characteristic types so uh so let's talk about number one the siren well the siren is like the original seductress so I maintain in the book that seduction was a strategy that women invented um thousands of years ago because of the uneven power Dynamic quite honestly so sex was the one tool back then that a woman had to gain power over a man and so women invented The Art of Seduction as a way to turn the dynamic around

right to have the power over the man so developed this very elaborate art of how to hook a man so that he would become her slave which was very very powerful and so the archetype of that is like Cleopatra right so the siren is the most Primal the most primitive form of Seduction of seductress and these were literally sirens were literally these these mythical creatures that were were on rocks in the sea and their song was so powerful that men on ships would drive into the water to to reach them and then they would drown

and die so the siren is so powerfully attractive so powerfully seductive has such a sexual energy that men will dive into the water and kill themselves over them they're they're so attracted to them and so the siren kind of exudes this kind of very powerful sexual energy she doesn't have to say anything there was a charge about her that was very sexual and very powerful and men would go wild over this and they would pursue her and then she would know how to keep stringing them along so Cleopatra who as far as we know was

not incredibly beautiful she had a bit of a nose and the people who describe her she wasn't like a classic Beauty she was a master of psychology she created this theer as if she were a living goddess and men would go crazy over that and you know the other classic example is Marilyn Monroe so a siren will seduce any kind of man she'll seduce the great athlete like Marilyn Monro seduced Joe demaggio she will seduce the intellectual like seduced Arthur Miller no man can resist a siren because of that energy that she exudes that's so

Primal and it's so rare there not that many sirens around but the siren is the most devastating seductress of them all and I think it's quite a myth right that we think the siren is a goddess is stunning is beautiful no she's a master of fantasy she creates a fantasy that she does have all of these qualities now Marilyn Monroe yes she was very beautiful but I I talk about in The Art of Seduction Marilyn Monroe would go into a bar in New York and know nobody would recognize her right it was all image she

knew how to use makeup how to do with her hair but you take away her makeup you take away her hair her hair wasn't naturally blonde you know she was pretty but she was not Marilyn monoe people would know recognize her it was all something she created the siren creates Her Image she creates something very theatrical very powerful very Larger than Life yeah so it's not just about about the face men are very visually oriented right but it's also it's also the psychology involved that she's playing on that's fascinating um also when you were talking

I realized how much the confidence part makes a difference like a woman or even a guy being confident is very sexy and so it doesn't almost ma matter what that person looks like if you bring yourself if you feel good in your own skin in that definitely has impact on the people around you yeah but it has to be real confidence some confidence is kind of fake and inauthentic and it's covering up loads of insecurities and people can pick that up but if it's real confidence you're exactly right which brings us to the next one

The Rake um and the reason I bring that up the rake is the is the kind of most dominant male form of Seducer M The Rake is the male form of the sedu of the siren and there was a rake called Gabrielle duno an Italian poet that no woman could resist it was amazing he was one of the ugliest men he was truly ugly he was short he had this horrible skin color he had a nose but he was a poet and his words just flowed because the weakness of women is often words and he

was he just was a fountain of beautiful words and he was a master of sedu The Rake is a man who's really really interested in women you know he's interested in their world in their Spirit he often grew up with a maybe a mother and sisters so he's he's very comfortable around women he knows them he loves women he loves their world their energy their Spirit but not a single woman can never satisfy him so he has to have 50 he has to have hund he has to have a thousand women in his life and

arrol Flynn by the time he died calculated that he'd slept with 3,000 women and he died at the age of 50 but the fact that he's so interested in their world he's so attentive is what's so devastatingly attracted to the woman and he's so confident in himself he's got this kind of male energy he's like a tiger he just knows who he is and I'll just leave with one quote there was a woman who was seduced by Errol Flynn who was probably the greatest one of the greatest male seducers ever and she said sitting next

to him was like having drunk five martinis me I felt like so relaxed in his presence because he made me feel so relaxed by his confidence that I felt drunk without even ever having drunk having drunk anything because of his confidence um yeah you could The Rake the bad boy is what I've got in my note yeah he is he is a bad boy he's like Lord Byron he's he slept with his sister he slept with everybody you know he's bad but that's EX exactly why you're attracted to him okay so that was number two

was the raiki number three is the ideal lover that's just simply like a Casanova um who know who's able to fill your fantasies he knows he's very romantic they know what you secretly really want and they bring it to life in real time they are the living incarnation of your deepest fantasies right and so kasanova um and also Rudolph Valentino the great actor in the 20s these were kind of classic ideal lovers yeah casanova's definitely I think become the the almost epitome for that yeah um The Number Four The Dandy The Dandy is somebody um

who's got a bit of androgyny to them so the female Dandy would be like Marlene Dietrich or Madonna they they kind of sometimes will dress like a man but they're definitely a woman they're not they're not you know um sexless but they're a woman with a with a male streak they're a man with a feminine streak and you know Freud talks about this we all are kind of bisexual by nature in other words at Birth men have strong feminine qualities to them and genetically and the same for women so we're almost sometimes attracted to the

oppos to the gender our own gender and the other person which is a strange quality but it's very much a very powerful Trend and the Dand isn't going to seduce everyone but a lot of people are attracted to that kind of Inogen figure interesting do you think that that's because of like the potential mirroring so what I mean by that is there was this docor series on Netflix and it was about a guy that had like over a thousand children he was going to these sperm banks and he was like basically donating his sperm but

he was lying and he had this compulsion so he was going to all these sperm banks and so the pop he was what was he lying about that because you're only allowed to give sperm like a certain amount of times a year because you can't just populate the entire Earth yourself with your sperm so there's like laws and restrictions about how many times you can donate and so he was faking it so he was traveling going to all these different places faking his names and doing all these sperm dominations so he can get all these

women pregnant and what ended up happening was there was this tiny little town and there were so many of these kids that were his and what they were saying is is that a child is more likely to be attracted to a sibling without obviously knowing it than a stranger because there's something familiar about them there's something that they are drawn to because when you mirror someone or when someone mirrors you you feel very comfortable and so they think that mirroring ends up happening with with siblings and that's why they're actually more likely to fall for

each other than than a stranger so now I go back to what you just said that if you have some if you're a man you have some femininity in you it's actually more appealing I wonder if it's because of that because now you feel seen understood more familiarity I think that's definitely true but I also think there's a sexual component as well where you're secretly attracted to your mirror image it's a narcissistic thing right and you you'll find a lot of they've done studies men and women who the partners they end up being or the

people they're attracted to actually resemble family members resemble the father the mother the brother the sister not totally obvious but in certain ways you can definitely see that that was a very powerful part of the attraction so it's not just the Comfort but it's also there's a sexual charge to that fascinating um I can number five is the natural who is more childlike that's the ultimate Seducer type because you never suspect a child of being a Seducer but children are very seductive um so if you're very natural if you're very comfortable and and you you

know you you you don't have much of a filter on what you say and what you do like a child does but it's so innocent it's it's like that's why we we we we fall in love with animals or pets right they're so innocent they can't help being what they are right so we we we fall in love with them for that very quality whereas people who try really hard it's very off-putting they're not being who they are but when somebody is just can't help it this is who they are they're naturally playing these pranks

they're naturally making these jokes they're naturally obset and emotional we can't we're naturally drawn to them and Charlie Chaplain was kind of the icon of that he played the the kind of ultimate sort of child even in his 20s 30s and 40s and it was devastatingly seductive on women that quality all right so we've got number six the COC that we already spoke about number s seven is the charmer well the charmer is is a seduc Seducer without sex so it'll be like someone who's a social Seducer um and you say things that make the

other person feel so good you make everybody around you feel it's like highlevel social skills um there's a famous quote U about there was two Englishmen there was Benjamin Disraeli who was a prime minister under Queen Victoria and then there was his rival man named Gladstone and they kind of hated each other and a princess sat in between them once at a party and she said talking to Mr Gladstone I felt like he was the the smartest man in the world but talking to Mr jeli I felt like I was the smartest woman in the

world and that's what a charmer is he makes you feel like you are the star you are the most wonderful person not him or her but you all the attention is on you and he has a high level of social skill to make you completely feel comfortable and make you feel like you are the most brilliant person in the world MH okay number eight we've got the charismatic who is you call mysterious has eloquence theatricality in in uh uninhibited vulnerability and adventurousness the way I I Define it is a person who's charismatic it's like they

have a light inside of them like a light bulb or a lamp that's inside of them you can't see it but it animates everything from them their face their eyes their gestures they feel like they're lit up from within and it's very powerful they have this confidence and this energy I talk in there about John F Kennedy who had Charisma and I talk about marila Monroe who was a charismatic and the think about people with deep levels of Charisma and I worked with 50 Cent on a book he has tremendous Charisma and I could see

it in real life you know it is very real the weird thing about charismatics is they often come from broken homes they come from a childhood where they didn't get any love almost inar you will find this and what that means is in order to get the love that everybody wants the validation and the attention they have to get it from other people they have to get it from crowds they have to get it from an audience they have to get it from the camera and all the millions of people are going to watch them

they they have such a need for love and attention because they never got it that they project that out onto the world that is the lamp that's lighting them up from the inside and making everything that they do seem so animated and so exciting so feeling like you were never loved but you need it from the public is often what makes a charismatic that quality and you will always almost always find that they come from deprived childhoods wow and so as a child because you were so deprived you like how did you get that light

I would have thought it would be the opposite well it can have the opposite effect so not everybody who has a deprived childhood turns into a charismatic true so often you're so beaten down you you you feel so worthless that it doesn't have that effect but you take um a a strong personality like Mara Monroe who was an orphan who grew up in an orphanage and had like dealt with abusive men Etc had a very very rough childhood right but she's a very strong personality and so she's desperate for love in her life now some

women wouldn't have that effect they would just kind of shrink and and and find another way to get it she needed that love so she had to find it she found it through act modeling and through acting Etc you know John F Kennedy had a very troubled relationship with his father he was not the preferred son in the family there was another son who was like the Golden Boy when he was in the public he wanted the whole world to fall in love with him I talk about Malcolm X in his childhood Winston Churchill one

of the most charismatic political fig ever had a terrible childhood even though he was came from a very wealthy family he was completely ignored right had a very rough childhood so charismatic figures feel a deep need to get the love and attention that we all need but not from one person but from a whole country from a whole audience from the public itself wow and that's what lights up everything inside of them and you think that that then stems most likely from a wound from childhood I think so yeah makes complete sense it almost feels

like that would be a great survival mechanism for you as a kid right it's like if you don't have people to love you no one's looking at you no one cares for you and you have charma and Charisma right you can make people laugh you can make people feel amazing like they want to be around you now instead of being isolated alone with no one now actually you've been the magnet that's drawn those people yeah makes complete sense um and then the final uh character type is the star and you say this is the most

powerful of well it's it's um the most modern form um it's kind of Mo um based on Cinema and um the star is sort of harder to to verbalize but it's a person who attracts fantasies so there's a kind of a slight blankness on to them a kind of a mysterious quality where we see unto them whatever we want to see right we project onto them all of our fantasies all of our desires and they know how to attract that kind of attention so actors and actresses are kind of the classic ex they're the star

obviously but they know how to embody a certain kind of fantasy and if they if they were too strong about it if they projected it too outward you wouldn't give room for people to fantasize about it but the fact that you're kind of empty that you there's nothing Myster there's something mysterious about you almost say say something kind of empty that we can now see what we want to see in you is is the Primal kind of star quality and I talk in the book about people who have it um they're kind of modeled on

movie stars all right we've gone through so much Robert but I got one more question uh oh I would be remissed if I didn't ask you especially being a woman what would be the key things as a woman that we can do if we wanted to seduce a man knowing how to play a little hard to get would be good skill to to reinvent that's kind of been lost now knowing how to hook a man but keep him hooked and to kind of signal that you're interested in him that there's something physical and there men

are very visually oriented you know so there's something about you that excites them and but you're getting them to pursue you you see men like to pursue we're like Hunters I hate to be so Brazen about it we like the chase to get a man to chase after you is exactly what he wants but if you're too available if you're just like surrendering after the first date then he'll lose interest because there's no chase involved so you've got to know how to kind of put a little honey in the bait and keep him going and

and withdraw and say no no but not too much and if you can get a man to chase you then you know you're the one in control of it you're the one in control of the dynamic so would you recommend to never as a woman you shouldn't Chase men well it's it's ironic but the fact that you are getting him to chase you means that you are the one in control of the dynamic yeah you know we're so stupidly logical sometimes that we don't realize that things are kind of ironic things are the reverse of

what they seem we're too literal minded so to get somebody to pursue you means that you are the one actually doing the work you're the one actually in control so it's not like you're chasing him um but you are in some ways doing that by withdrawing by getting him to come after you but yeah if you're the aggressor if you're chasing the man that could be interesting for a man and that might lead to to sex on the first or second date but I don't think it's going to lead to a long-term to anything that

it's going to be very exciting or very have a lot of spice to it so um keep in in in mind that what excites a man is the chase itself it's what makes men cheat on their wives quite frankly what do you everything has become too obvious too familiar there's no more Chase involved ah now there's this new young woman this secretary this is this woman in in my office I get to chase her right there's an animal I get to hunt that's it's that'll happen that's why a man will cheat on his wife because

there's no more chasing going on in the relationship so I mean we're generalizing because not all men are like that but I think um being an aggressive woman can work for on some men and can work very quickly but I think it more powerful thing to seduce a man is to do the opposite get him to chase you I could be wrong I could be an old guy who does totally out of touch with the Tinder age and I recognize my own limitations that I grew up in an era where seduction was much different than

it is now so I understand that I might be a dinosaur and that you know but I do think that human psychology basically doesn't change and that the things that I've spelled out eventually will kind of be revealed Even in our in our in in our online world I interviewed a a a guy called Matt hassy and his a relationship coach and he was telling me about how you interview so many weird interesting people oh I love yes I do you do you have a great job thank you wow I've been dying and so excited

for today I feel like I'm geeking out like a little child right now um but what he said to me was back in like the 20s when people would date it was about the pursuit women understood and so did men so women understood they had to give these small micro signals to the man to say okay it's okay to pursue me now the guy would wait for signals and look and then they would do the pursuit and there was this beautiful Tango and he said back in the day a woman would just be on the

street corner and have like a little like handkerchief and she would accidentally drop the handkerchief and she would wait for the guy to come and pick it up and she' be like oh thank you so much that was how we were back then and we've just lost that art form so I I think that the psychology of it is a completely accurate now look I could be old too Robert like I'm 45 and been married for 22 years but I truly believe the psychology is exactly the same it's a very confusing time to be a

man what is masculinity what does it mean to be you know a man in the 20 for what are our icons what are our ideals but the idea of being able to trot out your energy your testosterone your masculine energy and to chase a woman and to have it end in in a seduction and in sex is is as Primal as it gets and that is not going away in 2000 years in 10,000 years I don't care but however we evolve that is who we are so these things don't change and I think women I'm

going to also Echo that women always want to feel wanted yeah and I don't think that has ever changed and so I think even in the pursue it's that if a guy is pursuing you it makes you feel wanted and I do worry now look I'm a woman who's in business who's built multiple businesses with my husband so I want to caveat that and still say that as a woman I like crushing it in business but I still love being soft and um safe in my husband's arms and I do also worry for the female

younger generation that it's all about be your own girl you don't need a man screw them and the truth is is that no you don't need a man but if you want one that's beautiful and how as women the thing that I try to talk a lot about is how do we EB andf flow in our masculinity and our femininity and for me it's when I'm have to make hard decisions I have to make hard decisions I go into my masculine energy if you will um and I have to be just business oriented but when

I go home with my husband I want to bring in that feminine energy and I worry that we're not talking about both and that people now feel like have to be one or the other well the thing is one thing to to keep in mind is being in a relationship with a woman from the man's point of view actually feminizes the man and being in a relationship from the woman with the man actually ma makes a woman more masculine the trait of the other gender kind of rubs off on you and that quality that interaction

has a has a dissolving effect so if you're isolate if women say I don't want to be interested in men I've I've had enough of them screw them they're just going to feel toxic masculinity and make it worse and worse and worse and worse the power you have over men is by relating to them by bringing your world into them by locking them into a relationship where they learn how to be in a relationship they learn how to care they learn how to be empathetic you're feminizing them so your desire to get away from them

is going to have the opposite effect that you want you're going to make men the qualities that you don't like in men even worse is that what you've been seen in culture where we're becoming even more bated because that's happening on both sides yeah well you know that's this this thing I think is very new right now particularly after the election I'm hearing that there these memes about I've had enough of men I'm quitting on men no more men in my life kind of thing which seems kind of ridiculous to me first of all to

generalize that all men are like that but also I think it's going to have the opposite effect of what you desire it's going to make it worse right you you're going to have more of those qualities that you that upset you about them their lack of of empathy their lack of interest in your world they're not caring about what it means to be a woman and your problems with your own bodies Etc you're going to make all that stuff worse by isolating them by not being interested in them that's all I'm saying yeah I agree

Robert this has been my dream come true like I said I've known you well it sounds like you've had all these other amazing guests yes but no Robert Green like we've known each other for how long now 12 years ago really yes wow all right well when did he have when did he start having his show back in that studio in some weird place and it was probably 2014 I wonder if you're right 2014 you sure it wasn't earlier no all right well I was one of the first guests I think so oh my God

Robert we've known each other for so long and so you can imagine for me having read your work having followed you love who you are what you stand for you you're seducing me I learn from the best I have a book that I read that taught me everything um no in all seriousness I I have just I freaking adore you and this has been a dream come true and this has honestly been so amazing your work your writing is phenomenal so if anyone wants to keep following you where should they go well um I believe

I have a website I don't know if the we can put the link in the description I think it's still called Power seduction and war.com but they might have changed it and that was my old website back in the early 2000s if you can believe um I think that still exists and that'll have links to everything that you would need all right we'll link that in the show notes to make sure absolutely if you want to learn how to seduce and influence anyone in any situation then click here right now I'm thinking inside Thea do

you like it do you like what you see cuz here I am all this gorgeousness and all of this that I