Married My Childhood Sweet heart. Years Later I Found Out He's Been Cheating on Me Since Our...

married my childhood sweetheart years later I found out he's been cheating on me since our marriage I 23f and my husband 23m met when we were 9 started dating at 12 mind you this was that Middle School type of dating he cheated on me when we were 15 or 16 at this point we were on again off again which continued until we were 17 I got a full ride to a university across the country for athletics academics when I was 18 my first and only semester there I hated I hated the team and the coaches

and I had no friends he flew out to visit me and we got engaged at 18 years old he flew back a little over a month later and we had a courthouse wedding I came home after the semester finished he was 18 and I was 19 when he joined a very difficult SL prestigious branch of the military he left for 3 months for training which was difficult but we did fine he came back for a few weeks and then left for a few more months for school for his particular job during this time I would

later find out he signed himself up on Bumble and paid $50 plus dollars in upgrades for more swipes he insists he never met anyone from it in no conversations that he had were ever anything more than introductions he also again I would later find out a few years later spent over $600 at a strip club he says he was pressured by seniors to go and ended up paying for a VIP room for one of his buddies because he got the room and then didn't have the money to pay for it and my husband said his

friend was going to get into trouble that weekend he would go up and down the coast going to various clubs and another strip club from what I've gathered at 19 we moved States and got our first house together at 20 he deployed this would be a very difficult time in our lives and even more difficult after he got home he developed a pornography addiction while deployed I remember sitting on the bathroom floor at 4 in the morning refreshing one of his social media accounts which I could see his following numbers go up about every 5

minutes all porn accounts he pressured me for pictures and videos and I would feel guilty for not doing the things he wanted and I felt like if I didn't he was just going to find someone else to do it for him he came home 6 months later and we were okay except I noticed after a few weeks that as soon as he came home from work he would practice L beine it to the bathroom and shower for 45 plus minutes sometimes I would even go into the bathroom after and I could tell he dropped the

bottle of lube on the ground and it was still slippery or I could see the ring on the counter from the bottom of the bottle I did my best to ignore it until one day I saw a charge on our account for $30 to someone with a very interesting name I confronted him and he immediately looked away took in a deep breath brushed his hand through his hair and sputtered out a quick excuse that it was his buddy's wife who bought them all lunch during work I don't know why but I said okay and left

it at that he got up a few minutes later saying he felt sick and went to lay down I got a text from him an hour later saying he was sorry and that he developed a pornography addiction over deployment and he sent money to a girl for her premium Snapchat or something he says he felt so guilty he didn't even look at anything and he deleted her right after he sent the money I realized that the day this transaction took place he had bought me flowers he has never done that before not even on any

special occasions from here on the dates get confusing for me I don't remember what happened first or when or how far apart but I'll do my best to incl include as much information as I remember sometime later maybe weeks maybe months I woke up to a message from an old acquaintance on a certain social media I think we were still 20 or maybe 21 I don't remember what exactly she said something along the lines of I just wanted you to know Forex said this to me or something like that he had messaged her the night

prior whilst drinking at a friend's house down the road that he loved and missed her I wish so badly I could remember more but for some reason I can't I know she said something like you can't be saying this you're married and he said something along the lines of I don't care I screamed at him to wake up but he was still drunk I told him I wanted a divorce I locked myself in the bathroom and hurt myself because I wanted to feel anything other than how I felt at that moment I don't know how

much time passed when he opened the door he said he didn't send those messages he said that he left his phone plugged into the speaker and his friend was using it to play music he said his friend must have seen the girl story and messaged her trying to get nudes he even pulled out his phone with proof a text conversation between him and his friend confirming that the friend had messaged her and said he was sorry I don't know why but I believed him immediately I remember having the most euphoric feeling of I don't know

what the word is but whatever you feel when you let out a breath you've been holding and say oh thank God I'm getting frustrated writing this because I'm realizing how much I'm forgetting and I feel like I'm missing something at 21 I think should hit the fan I think at this point I had gone through his phone several times and found internet history and links that he had clicked through one of his social media accounts to hundreds of different on Leaf NS sites one night I went through his entire dollar account history since 2018 and

found the charart for the strip club in Bumble he said the Bumble charge wasn't him it was a senior who used his card because his had gotten Frozen or something ridiculous like that I of course believed him I don't know why I can't remember at what point I found out that he lied about messaging the girl on social media I think it was after I had looked through his phone again and I found text messages between him and his friend that was the one who allegedly sent the messages his friend said something like bro I

can't even go to parties that your wife is it because she hates me LOL or something like that but they both confirmed what I didn't want to believe my husband had taken my phone deleted the messages sent to me by the girl and got his friend in on this elaborate story I can't remember when I found out that he did in fact download and pay for upgrades on Bumble I think I just knew at this point he was lying and grilled him long enough that he relented he said he never met anyone or anything and

he said during the conversation I only paid for the upgrade because no one would ever swipe for me or something like that I can't remember at what point we went to legal on base and got information to file for divorce I'd never seen him cry before besides one other time after we got married at the airport he cried so hard and he wouldn't let me see just hugged me and buried my face in his chest so I wouldn't see he said he didn't want to leave but he cried constantly after I told him this was

it and that I had an appointment and paperwork filled out to file for divorce I'd never seen him like this before constantly saying he was sorry deleting every social media account he'd ever owned crying at the drop of a pen saying things like he will never marry again I could have everything in our savings he'd pay for me to finish college if that's what I wanted I relented and we went to Mar counseling he stepped up a lot he was never on his phone anymore would keep his phone unlocked and face up on the table

told me I could go through it any time I asked promised to stop watching porn he even started cleaning the house and making dinner before I got home from work he stopped drinking with his friends it was a complete 180 for a while the issues started to arise when every little thing would trigger a panic attack he couldn't hang out with his friends without me freaking out he began drinking with his friends again maybe a few weeks later one night he wasn't home by the time he told me he would be and I just broke

I ended up in the hospital and it was just the start of this toxic cycle he would do something that would trigger me whether it be drinking with his friends or the occasional YouTube short I would see in his watch history of a half- naked women with her tits out and bouncing up and down I would scream at him and beray him and degrade him because I wanted him to feel exactly how I felt I think marriage counseling eventually helped a lot after the hospital I finally got my own therapist she was my best friend

I still text her to this day I didn't have any friends where we lived he worked with his friends every day and every weekend they would all party I didn't have anyone my friends and family were back home I'm shy and have really bad social anxiety and I've always had trouble making friends because I can't seem to ever open my mouth when there's more than three people in the room whenever he would leave to go anywhere I felt so alone I think at 22 our marriage really started improving again we went on vacation together and

were able to work through a lot of issues and we were able to communicate things we were feeling and it was amazing we both felt so hurt and we were able to find Happy mediums on issues and relay boundaries that each of us respected I was 23 when I moved home a few months before his contract ended he tied up his loose ends on the house and work and he moved back home with me he tried working a night shift bluecollar job making good money even more than he made in the military but he hated

it he hated everything about it he missed his friends and his job his friends were his family this was the first time I'd ever seen him truly depressed 5 months later he joined a different branch of the military I didn't want him to I wanted him to stay and have a normal life with me I wanted to work normal jobs and have a family he doesn't he said he doesn't even want a family I had started nursing school and my best friend whom I hardly ever got to see had a baby I finally had a

group of friends and family I was able to hang out with every week he left and got stationed in a different state but only about 600 M away this time far but drivable he came home for a visit after only a week of being there we were doing good at this point texting and calling a lot a little over a month ago he left to go across the country for a week exercise in the desert he didn't have his phone for most of it but he was able to text me once over a week ago

he didn't text again after that until I messaged him letting him know that a pet of mine had died he replied immediately I've realized that he has had his phone but just hasn't been talking to me yesterday he texted me in the morning letting me know that he was going to spend an upcoming holiday with an old military friend from his previous branch and then the holiday after that he wanted to go see his extended family in a different state we've talked a lot since then not about anything good I've asked why he's pushing me

away and he said he's focusing on his goals I said I felt like I was being put on the back burner until he was ready to acknowledge me in our marriage and I tried to tell him he didn't have to be alone and that I would support him he said you can't though you say you can but you didn't support college or the CIA so I kind of felt I should just do this alone and get rid of some of the negativity and I realized he was right he brought up College when we were about

21 maybe 22 and I actually scoffed at him because I didn't realize he was being serious I didn't believe he could do something like that he barely graduated high school he went to four different high schools total never getting above a 1.5 GPA I tried doing his homework to keep him afloat but he didn't care I even got him enrolled in the same Online Academy that I attended due to public school not fitting around my athletic schedule and I had to do every class and every assignment for him because he would never do them he

ended up graduating from what you would call an alternative high school after telling me he wanted to go to college he then told me he was going to join the CIA this was just unfathomable to me I didn't know what to do because he wanted my support but I also didn't want to lie to him and tell him I believed in him I guess I still don't and I feel awful and I can't imagine the feeling of your spouse not supporting you unconditionally I don't know how to support him in something I just don't think

he can do and now we're here neither of us want a divorce both of us know our relationship hasn't been the best we both don't know what to do I would feel so lost and empty without him I've known him for more than half of my life our personalities are formed around each other we talk the same we have the same mannerisms we experienced growing up together and becoming adults together I just want to add that these experiences I've listed were the worst times we've had amazing experiences together we have so much [ __ ]

fun together he makes me laugh more than anyone else can he knows everything about me and has been there for every important moment in my life I'm absolutely terrified of the future I'm scared to tell my family if we get a divorce I don't want to be another statistic I know we got married young I know we are a military family I know that I know that most of these marriages ended in divorce but I really [ __ ] thought we were different I don't want to start over I'm almost 2 for and I know

that's still considered young but I've known him for 14 years I thought we would have started thinking about having a family together by now he just wants to focus on his career and says he doesn't think he even wants a family I don't know what to do anymore if you're still here thanks for reading I apologize if I'm all over the place I haven't ever shared all this with anyone I'm embarrassed of my situation and feel at a loss at what to do anymore I'm really nervous to read any replies because I think I know

what they're all going to say update 1 sep 29th 2023 after over a thousand people castigating me in the comment section I wanted to sort of give an update and answer a few questions first off yes I can in fact type like a mother fer I had every intention creating this post with anonymity which obviously went down the drain as soon as I starting typing I didn't think this would get more than a couple thousand views and a handful of comments I typed out every ignominious detail because I needed to see for myself everything in

one spot someone said I must be exhausting to be around if I tell my friends and family all this well you'll be happy to know that no no one knows I have never told any of my friends and family even a percentage of what has happened that's why I ended up writing an epic I wanted someone to know everything and tell me what to do because my brain has become this convoluted the rose-colored type of convoluted mess of I don't even know I have made my husband out to be this strong loving endearing charismatic provider

and I know why I've spent my entire life wanting to be the [ __ ] best at everything my dad's favorite thing he used to say to me every day after practice was second place as just the first loser and I [ __ ] help on to that I was the best I was the best at school I ranked number one out of my High School class of over 700 people I have hundreds of medals and trophies I did take second place at Nationals one year even though that doesn't feel like an accomplishment to me

I know it should be but after dropping out of college and leaving behind a full rght athletic and academic scholarship I wanted it to be worth something I never told anyone I left because I hated it and couldn't deal with it I told everyone I got married and he joined the Marine Corps and I wanted to support him I didn't want anyone to realize that I couldn't hack it I wanted it to be worth it and if I had marriage problems or if I got divorced it would have just been for nothing I would have

lost again and I can't lose I grew up hiding in my closet hearing my dad scream at the top of his lungs and my older siblings because they averaged C's and D's in school I knew what losing would get you and I would not lose my mom cheated on my dad when I was a kid I remember waking up one morning to them screaming on the front lawn my mom trying to get into her car to go to work and my dad grabbed her arm and ripped her out of the car they don't know that

I saw that they worked through it if that's what you want to call it I thought that was what you were supposed to do I thought that marriage was supposed to be hard and you were supposed to put every ounce of yourself into fixing your ups and downs many have asked if I want to live the rest of my life like this of course I don't who the [ __ ] would want that why did I stay even after the first time well starving people will eat anything I have actually read every single comment even

the hurtful ones godamn you guys are [ __ ] [ __ ] and I needed it I [ __ ] needed over a thousand people telling me I'm a blind idiot to realize that marriage isn't supposed to be like this and that I deserve better because I [ __ ] do I do [ __ ] deserve better and for all those saying I'm not going to leave because I haven't yet I will [ __ ] prove you wrong I'm not going back anymore I'm not going to [ __ ] settle I had heard the phrase

Sun cost fallacy but I didn't know what it meant I do now thank you to everyone even the ones who believe this post was a creative writing assignment it gave me a laugh realizing that my life and my marriage has been so bad that it's unbelievable update 2 August 2nd 2024 hi everyone it's been almost a year I can't believe it's been almost an entire year I don't think I've ever made an update like this before so hopefully I do it right and it's not removed I meant to update sooner I really did but I

have been busy living my life to the fullest extent possible I can honestly say I didn't even think it was possible to enjoy life this much I have never experienced happiness like this I'm honestly having a hard time putting it into words how amazing my life has become I filed for divorce probably within 48 Hours within making that post papers were signed a month later divorce was finalized 2 months after that it was completely uncontested we shared no assets no children thank God it was actually a lot easier than I expected it to be honestly

the hardest part was telling my family especially my mom everyone loved him so much because I unfortunately made him out to be so perfect it was pretty much a slap to the face for her to find out I felt awful she cried for days but she was so supportive of me everyone was so damn supportive of me I turned 25 soon I decided to get my nurse practitioner's license so that's the track I'm on right now I've made an incredible amount of friends this year if I'm not working I'm out having fun I'm always doing

something fun every day I'll try to reply to any comments but you know I'm so busy these days smile I have truly begun to find myself and I'm [ __ ] awesome I am capable of so much and I am brave I am so brave I did make one special friend from my original post Bethany 2030 thanks to you and my best friend Katie if you got are reading this thank you for keeping me accountable and loving me unconditionally I really didn't realize what a horrendous situation I was in at least not until after I

made that initial post and receiv received so many eye openening comments lots of people were right though I did already know the answer to my question it's actually kind of weird thinking about it it doesn't even feel real whenever I try to think about my life over the last couple of years I can hardly remember anything it's almost like I'm trying to recall a story that someone else told me anything that I do remember I recall almost like I was aspecting spectator or an invisible third person in the room and I just think this poor

girl and what she's going through I can't even imagine how awful it just doesn't even feel like it was me my real life started as soon as he was gone we don't speak anymore we haven't really spoken much since December one of the last interactions we had he was upset about the divorce and regretted it and then he proceeded to threaten that he would murder anybody that I dated in the future yes it's documented to the best of my ability I don't think he would ever actually do anything like that he hasn't even been back

in the state this year I think he's too busy last I heard through the grape vine he got drunk had a one night stand and got some girl pregnant she wants to keep the baby he doesn't I think she even took a brick to his car and smashed the [ __ ] out of it if I could give him one last piece of advice it would be to start a savings account for this poor kid's future therapy bills and to ask him if he ever realized that almost all of his Monumental Life mistakes have been

committed under the influence of alcohol but alas it isn't my problem he will never hear from me again and I can say that with complete happiness and confidence to everyone who said I wouldn't do it and that I wasn't capable of leaving [ __ ] you and thank you I did I did leave I didn't walk I ran I [ __ ] sprinted and I didn't look back thank you for helping me save my life