Why Living Close to Your Children in Old Age Could Be the Biggest Mistake of Your Life | Stoicism

in this special video you'll discover why living close to your children in old age could be affecting your happiness and well-being more than you imagine and how reconsidering your situation could transform your quality of life you will be surprised by the latest Revelation but before we start I want you to pay close attention to this story because it will be very important for you to understand the great lesson of this video Mrs Rosa a 70-year-old Widow decided to move in with her daughter Lucia after the death of her husband the idea of being close to

his grandchildren and helping at home filled his heart with excitement who wouldn't want to be surrounded by loved ones in old age the prospect of a shared Family Life seemed like a dream come true Mrs Rosa felt like she had won the lottery their days were filled with childish laughter delicious smells in the kitchen and the comforting feeling of being useful this is life he thought while preparing breakfast for his grandchildren his daughter Lucia's house had become a paradise of intergenerational coexistence the mornings passed between French toast and madeup stories in the afternoons Rosa enjoyed

helping the little ones with their homework reliving her days as a teacher Grandma can you help me with math little Mato asked and she felt her heart melt a recent study from Stanford University revealed that intergenerational cohabitation can increase happiness and sense of purpose in grandparents and Rosa was experiencing it firsthand she felt more vital than ever as if she had discovered the Fountain of Youth in the smiles of his grandchildren but you know what they say about things that seem too good to be true sometimes they are and this is where our story takes

an unexpected turn one afternoon while Rosa Was preparing dinner she overheard luciia talking on the phone mom is a blessing I don't know what we would do without her Rosa felt a surge of Pride but also a small Pang of something she couldn't identify concern perhaps the philosopher epicurus once said it is not that we have little time but that we waste a lot Rosa was beginning to feel like every minute of her day was busy where were those Quiet Moments to read a good book or just look out the window days turned into weeks

and weeks into months the routine was established breakfast homework lunch more home H work dinner Rosa found herself thinking about her old apartment about the freedom to decide what to do with her time but she scolded herself how can I be so ungrateful I have everything I ever wanted one Sunday morning while making Mickey mouse-shaped pancakes because let's be honest what grandma hasn't made that before Rosa realized that she couldn't remember the last time she had slept in or the last time she had gone out with her friends without worrying about getting getting back in

time for dinner psychologist Eric Erikson spoke about the importance of maintaining autonomy in old age but Rosa felt that her autonomy was being diluted in a mixture of family love and unspoken obligations one night after putting the children to bed Rosa sat on the porch she looked at the stars and asked himself is this really what I want for the rest of my life the question hung in the air unanswered like a balloon lost in the night sky the poet Robert Frost wrote two roads diverged in a forest and I I took The Road Less

Traveled by Rosa wondered if she had taken the right path or if in her desire to be the perfect grandmother she had lost sight of her own path before we continue if you find Value in these videos please subscribe and click the Bell to stay updated Mrs Rosa began to notice subtle changes in her daily routine what began as occasional visits to care for her grandchildren became a constant responsibility suddenly she found herself changing diapers preparing bottles and running after little whirlwinds of energy sound familiar You are not alone epicus once said time doesn't stand

still and neither does life and boy did Mrs Rosa begin to feel the truth of these words her days once filled with social activities and time for herself were now completely completely busy with the needs of their children and grandchildren but do you know what is the most Curious Thing Mrs Rosa did not complain like many grandmothers she felt it was her duty to help her family however fatigue began to accumulate and with it a feeling of loss that she could not explain this is where the famous slave grandmother syndrome comes into play no it's

not the name of a new Netflix series although it could very well be this this term coined by Dr Antonio guaro describes the emotional and physical burden that grandmothers experience when assuming unpaid caregiver roles imagine this you're on an emotional roller coaster on the one hand you love your grandchildren dearly and enjoy every moment with them on the other you feel like your life is slipping through your fingers while you change another diaper it's like trying to hug a cactus beautiful but painful studies show that this Sy Rome can have devastating effects on grandmother's mental

health the lack of recognition physical exhaustion and loss of personal freedom can lead to depression and anxiety it's like you're running an endless Marathon but no one is waiting for you with a medal at the end Mrs Rosa began to experience these symptoms she felt increasingly tired but she told herself that it was normal that it was part of being a grandmother but is it really normal to sacrifice your well-being for that that of others spoiler alert it's not psychologist Carol Gilligan talks about the care ethic and how women in particular tend to prioritize the

needs of others over their own Mrs Rosa was living this Theory firsthand sacrificing her time her energy and without realizing it her happiness as the days passed Mrs Rosa found herself looking out the window more and more longing for her former Independence she remembered the days when she could go out for coffee with her friends without having to ask permission or juggle schedules now those outings seemed like an unattainable luxury it's ironic don't you think Mrs Rosa moved close to her children looking for company and closeness but now she felt more alone than ever as

writer Paul tho once said loneliness begins with family maybe she was right after all Mrs Rose's story takes an unexpected turn what began as a dream of family togetherness turns into a silent nightmare have you ever wondered how a decision made with love can take us down a path we never imagined Lucia Mrs Rosa's daughter begins to show her true face one day while Mrs Rosa prepares lunch Lucia enters the kitchen with a frown mom how many times have I told you that kids don't like onions why do you insist on putting them on everything

the criticism Falls like a bucket of cold water on Mrs Rosa this incident is not isolated little by little suggestions become orders and advice becomes reproaches Mrs Rosa feels how her space is reduced how her voice is extinguished sound familiar maybe you have experienced something similar or know someone who has psychologist Eric Erikson famous for his theory of psychosocial development warns us about the importance of maintaining autonomy in old age according to Erikson the loss of Independence can lead to an ident identity crisis and feelings of hopelessness isn't it ironic that by seeking support from

our loved ones we can lose something as valuable as our Essence Mrs Rosa begins to feel the weight of this reality her days once filled with projects and dreams are now reduced to taking care of grandchildren and following instructions where was that woman who planned to travel and learn new skills it fades under the shadow of other people's expectations a study conducted by the University of Michigan revealed that older adults who maintain their independence report higher levels of Life satisfaction amazing not so much if we think about how we would feel if someone controlled every

aspect of our life frustration grows in Mrs Rose's heart every you should do this like this or why don't you do it like I tell you it's a small splinter in your self-esteem resentment that unwanted guest begins to settle in the house that was once your Refuge one night after a particularly difficult day Mrs Rosa finds herself crying silently in her room the walls that once protected her now seem to close in on her she feels trapped worthless like an old piece of furniture that no one appreciates but that no one dares to throw away

how many of our elders will be living this drama in Silence the Paradox is cruel seeking the warmth of family Mrs Rosa has lost the fire of her own identity closeness which should be a BAL has become an invisible cage how to get out of this trap is there a way to regain independence without giving up family love philosopher bertran Russell once said the purpose of life is to grow not just physically but mentally and spiritually but how can Mrs Rosa grow if she feels smaller every day in her own home get ready to discover

how a lifelong friend turned Mrs Rosa's life around with advice that challenges everything we think we know about aging and family it was a day like any other when Carmela Mrs Rosa's lifelong friend decided to pay her a surprise visit with her characteristic smile and a bag full of freshly baked cookies Carmela rang the doorbell but what she found on the other side of the door left her speechless Rosa is that you you seem different Carmela exclaimed noticing her friends dark circles and tired expression Mrs Rosa trying to hide her exhaustion invited her in with

a forced smile while they were sharing coffee in the kitchen Carmela couldn't help but notice the unusual mess in her always impeccable friend's house Rosa is everything okay you seem a little off she asked with genuine concern and that's when the floodgates opened like an overflowing river Mrs Rosa began to confess everything her tiredness her frustration her feeling of being trapped in a life that she no longer recognized as hers you know Carmela sometimes I feel like I've lost my Essence I'm no longer Rosa I'm just grandma she confessed through tears I love my grandchildren

but where was the woman who dreamed of traveling who read novels until dawn Cela listened attentively nodding in understanding when Rosa finished venting her friend took her hands in hers and with a knowing smile said Rosa dear what if I told you that I went through the same thing and found a solution that changed my life Mrs Rosa's eyes widened you but you always look so happy so free she responded incredulous Carmela laughed oh but it wasn't always like that remember when my kids convinced me to move in with them well after 6 months I

realized I was making the biggest mistake of my life and so Carmela began to tell him her own experience how like Rosa she had lost his independence his Hobbies his Essence but one day she continued I remembered the words of philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson the only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be and I decided to be myself again Mrs Rosa listened fascinated as carela told her how she made the brave decision to move into her own apartment it wasn't easy carela admitted my children didn't understand it at first

but you know what over time our relationship improved they no longer saw me as a burden or a constant babysitter but as their mother an independent and happy woman but Carmela Rosa interrupted don't you feel alone sometimes Carmela smiled of course sometimes but as psychologist Carl Yung would say loneliness does not come from not having people around but from the inability to communicate the things that seem important to oneself and let me tell you Rosa that since I regained my Independence my conversations with my children and grandchildren are much richer and more meaningful Carmela's words

resonated deeply with Rosa it was as if someone had turned on a light in a dark room revealing a path I didn't know existed true happiness carela continued comes from living on your own maintaining a healthy balance between family responsibilities and taking care of yourself did did you know that recent Studies have shown that older adults who maintain their independence have better mental and physical health Rosa shook her head fascinated by this new information well yes Carmela stated a study published in the Journal of gerontology found that older adults who live independently report higher levels

of Life satisfaction and lower incidences of depression they even have stronger immune systems Mrs Rosa was silent for a moment processing everything she had just heard finally with a mixture of fear and excitement in her voice she asked but carela how do I start I'm afraid of hurting my daughter my grandchildren before continuing with the story if you are liking the video don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the Channel with the Bell so you don't miss future videos and if you enjoy this type of content as much as I do comment

I love these stories by the way also comment on what you would like to see in the next videos I read all your comments let's continue learning together and improving Our Lives carela gave her hand a loving squeeze Rosa dear true love is not possessive your children will love you more when they see how happy you are being yourself start with small steps take up that painting course you always wanted to take go for a walk alone in the mornings little by little recover your space and so with a cold cup of coffee and her

hands and a Heart full of New Hope Mrs Rosa faced a challenge she never imagined rethinking her situation and valuing her independence Carmela's unexpected visit had not only brought him cookies but also the seed of a new life Mrs Rosa was at an emotional Crossroads on the one hand she loved his family with all his heart but on the other she felt like she was fading as a person was then when she remembered the words of the philosopher senica life is long if you know how to use it and she wondered was she really using

his life or just existing one morning while making breakfast for her grandchildren she had an epiphany she remembered his passion for painting which she abandoned some years ago when was the last time you held a paintbrush I couldn't remember it that same day she decided to take a small step towards his independence it started with something simple a solit walk in the park at first she felt guilty for not being home helping but she soon discovered that that daily hour of solitude was like an oasis in the desert during these walks Mrs Rosa began to

reflect on her Forgotten Dreams and plan how to recover them the next step was even Bolder she signed up for a painting workshop for seniors at the community center oh my God she thought what if I don't know how to paint anymore but as the famous painter Pablo Picasso would say inspiration exists but it has to find you working and boy did she find it in the workshop Mrs Rosa not only rediscovered her passion for art but also made new friends between brushstrokes and laughter she realized that she had been living on autopilot forgetting that

life at any age is full of possibilities a study conducted by Harvard University showed that maintaining Independence in old age not only improves mental health but can also increase life expectancy by up to 5 years Mrs Rosa was living proof of this with each new activity with each personal decision I felt that I was rejuvenated but not everything was Rosy there were days when guilt assailed her am I being selfish she asked himself it was then that she remembered her friend Carmella's wise advice you can't pour from an empty cup taking care of herself was

not selfish it was necessary to continue taking care of others as Mrs Rosa regained her independence she noticed surprising changes his energy increased his chronic pain decreased and his memory even improved Dr Oliver saxs famous neurologist and writer used to say that the brain is the most incredible organ it adapts transforms and remodels itself with each new experience Mrs Rosa was reshaping her brain and her life with each new adventure but the most significant change was in his relationship with his family paradoxically by spending less time with them the time they shared became more valuable

and meaningful she was no longer the tired and complaining grandmother but a vital woman with interesting stories that count finally Mrs Rosa gathered the courage to have a crucial conversation with her daughter I knew it wouldn't be easy but I also knew it was necessary as poet Maya Angelo once said there is no greater Agony than carrying an untold story inside you and Mrs Rosa had a lot to tell with her heart beating hard Mrs Rosa took a deep breath and sat down in front of her daughter Luchia darling we have to talk she said

with a trembling voice Lucia looked at her curiously without imagining what was to come I've been thinking a lot lately Mrs Rosa began and I think it's time for me to move into my own place the silence that followed was deafening Lucia blinked several times as if trying to process what she had just heard but Mom Lucia stuttered why aren't you comfortable here did we do something wrong the concern in his voice was palpable mixed with a hint of guilt Mrs Rosa smiled softly no my love you have been wonderful but I need to read

discover myself to have my own space she thought of the words of the philosopher Jean Paul satra the human being is condemned to be free and she at 70 years old was choosing that freedom Lucia's reaction went from Surprise to confusion and then to a mix of sadness and understanding but Mom will you be okay alone what if you get sick she asked his eyes full of worry Mrs Rosa took her daughter hands look Lucia I'm not saying I'm going to disappear I just want my own space to grow and enjoy this stage of my

life she recalled a study from the University of Michigan that showed that older adults who maintain their independence report higher levels of Life satisfaction but what about the children they love having you here Lucia argued clinging to the last reason she could think of Mrs Rosa smiled and I love being with them but you know what I think I'll be a better grandmother if I have time to myself as writer an Morrow Lindberg once said the most Exquisite of human Pleasures is to be loved but to be loved freely with Will Lucia was silent for

a moment processing everything her mother had told her finally with tears in his eyes she nodded you're right Mom it's just we're going to miss you a lot and I to you replied Mrs Rosa hugging her daughter but think of all the delicious meals I'll make when you come visit me without anyone telling me I'm using too much salt they both laughed relieving the tension of the moment family psychologist Dr Maria Elena Rodriguez points out that these conversations although difficult are crucial to maintaining healthy relationships between parents and adult children open and honest communication can

strengthen family bonds even when it involves significant changes she says as the conversation progressed Lucia began to see things from her mother's perspective I guess we all need our space she reflected and you have dedicated so many years to taking care of us Mrs Rosa nodded grateful for her daughter's understanding exactly and now I want to take care of myself as the poet roomie said yesterday I was smart so I wanted to change the world today I am wise so I am changing myself Luchia smiled a mixture of Pride and nostalgia in her eyes well

Mom I guess we'll just have to help you find the perfect apartment one with a kitchen big enough for all your secret recipes and with a balcony for my plants Mrs Rosa added her face lighting up with excitement the day Mrs Rosa crossed the threshold of her new apartment she felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness am I doing the right thing she asked himself but as psychologist Carl Yung once said I am not what has happened to me I am what I choose to be and Mrs Rosa had chosen to be brave decorating their

new home became an unexpected therapy each object she placed was an affirmation of his identity the colorful rug that she always liked but that her daughter considered too flashy the paintings of his favorite painters that now adorned the walls she even dared to paint a wall a vibrant turquoise color oh if my Ramon Could See Me Now she laughed remembering her late husband but Mrs Rosa's true rebirth began when she dared to step out of her comfort zone she signed up for a gardening workshop at the community center plants and grandmothers what a cliche combination

that's where he met Mrs Consuelo a widow with an acid sense of humor who soon became his accomplice in adventures together they discovered the concept of active aging it wasn't just about staying busy it was about living with purpose as noted by the World Health Organization active aging allows people to realize their potential for physical social and mental well-being throughout their entire life course Mrs Rosa and Mrs Consuelo decided to take yoga classes the first session was a comical disaster I felt like a bad pretzel Mrs Rosa joked but they persisted and soon noticed improvements

in their flexibility and balance more importantly they were laughing like they hadn't in years one day while they were having coffee after class Mrs Consuelo said to her Rosa have you noticed that we no longer complain about our ailments it was true they were so busy living that they had forgotten about growing old the Roman philosopher senica once said life is like a play it does not matter how long it lasted but how well it was performed Mrs Rosa was determined that her second act would be the best she dared more she joined a book

club where she rediscovered her love of poetry she even dared to write his own verses something she had not done since his youth the wrinkles on the paper are less noticeable than on my face she joked to his new friends but the most significant change was in his relationship with his family paradoxically by having his own space visits from his children and grandchildren became more special they were no longer an obligation but a shared pleasure one Sunday while her eldest granddaughter helped her water the plants on her small balcony Mrs Rosa realized something fundamental not

only had she regained her independence she was teaching the younger Generations an invaluable lesson about aging with dignity and joy the Paradox of Love teaches us that sometimes distance is the secret ingredient to strengthening the most important bonds when Mrs Rosa decided to move into her own apartment many thought thought she was making a mistake how are you going to be alone at your age they told her but she with a mischievous smile responded alone now I have more social life than an influencer and she wasn't exaggerating the physical distance between Mrs Rosa and her

family turned out to be like an elastic band as it stretched a little the strength of the bond increased visits from his grandchildren became eagerly awaited Adventures they were no longer those monotonous after afternoons in front of the television but Expeditions full of laughter and discoveries one day the grandchildren arrived at their grandmother's house to find her in the middle of a giant canvas Grandma you look like Picasso exclaimed little Mato Mrs Rosa with paint even on her eyebrows responded what's wrong Picasso is too small for me I am the great Rosas that afternoon between

Strokes of brush and laughter they created a family Masterpiece that now hangs proudly in the living room but it wasn't just visits that improved telephone calls previously routine and short were transformed into long and meaningful talks as psychologist KL Rogers would say the good communicator listens not only with his ears but with his eyes and his heart and that is exactly what was happening in Mrs Rosa's family Mrs Rosa's autonomy had a ripple effect on the entire family her daughter Luchia confessed seeing mom so independent and happy inspired me to return to my own dreams

it turns out that freedom is contagious and Mrs Rosa's example was sewing seeds of change in all her loved ones a University of Michigan study revealed that older adults who maintain their independence report higher levels of Life satisfaction and better family relationships Mrs Rosa was living proof of This research and her experience was challenging stereotypes about aging on one of her coffee afternoons with friends Mrs Rosa reflected you know before I thought that loving meant being together all the time now I understand that true love gives room to grow his words resonated with the wisdom

of poet Khalil Gibran who wrote leave space in your union the Paradox of love that Mrs Rosa discovered is that sometimes we need to move away to really get closer as philosopher Eric from Once said mature love says I need you because I love you I don't love you because I need you Mrs Rosa had gone from a suffocating dependence to a healthy interdependent love this new family Dynamic not only benefited Mrs Rosa but everyone involved the grandchildren now had two loving homes the children felt less pressure and more gratitude and Mrs Rosa was flourishing

in her new life it was as if they had found the secret recipe for a happy family and the main ingredient was ironically a little distance Mrs Rosa discovered that the key was neither living with her children nor completely isolated but in an unexpected Place between both extremes as the Greek philosopher Aristotle would say virtue lies in the middle and Mrs Rosa saw it firsthand after his Epiphany and his Brave decision to regain his independence she found himself in a new dilemma how to maintain a close relationship with his family without sacrificing his newly regained

Freedom the answer as is often the case with the great truths of life was simple but not easy balance Mrs Rosa learned that the key was healthy interdependence a concept that American psychologist Steven cvy describes as the synthesis of Independence and dependence in practice this meant for Mrs Rosa setting clear but flexible boundaries for example she agreed to babysit her grandchildren two afternoons a week but reserved the rest of the time for her own activities it's like juggling she used to joke but instead of balls I'm balancing love freedom and responsibility this new approach had

a surprising effect on the quality of time she spent with his family they were no longer endless hours of routine but special moments filled with laughter and genuine connection as writer Mitch album once said death ends a life not a relationship Mrs Rosa understood that strengthening her relationships did not depend on the quantity of time but on the quality but the road was not without challenges there were days when the guilt threatened to return like a dark cloud on a sunny day in those moments Mrs Rosa remembered the words of psychologist Carl Jung what you

deny subjugates you what you accept transforms you so instead of denying his feelings she accepted them and used them as an opportunity to reaffirm his decision a study conducted by the University of Michigan revealed that older adults who maintain a balance between Independence and family support are 30% less likely to suffer from depression Mrs Rosa was living proof of this statistic her New Balance not only made her happier but also healthier over time Mrs Rosa became a kind of Guru to her friends at the senior support group she attended she shared his experience with humor

and wisdom my dears she used to say old age is like a good wine it needs room to breathe but also the warmth of good company to develop all its flavor her story inspired many to rethink their own family Dynamics as Anthropologist Margaret me once said never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world in fact they are the only thing that has ever done so and in her little world Mrs Rosa was changing things a family at time but perhaps the most significant change was in Mrs Rosa herself she

no longer longer saw herself as a burden or figurehead in her family's life now she was a woman with purpose with dreams and the energy to pursue them as the philosopher senica would say it's not that we have little time but that we lose a lot and Mrs Rosa was determined not to waste another second Mrs Rosa's Story shows us how an act of self-love can transform not only a life but an entire family when Mrs Rosa decided to regain her independence she was not only doing herself a favor but she was sewing a seed

of wisdom in her family as psychologist Kyle Yung once said the greatest impact we can have on our children is not to teach them but to live our own lives fully and boy was Mrs Rosa doing it their bravery had a ripple effect her daughter who was reluctant at first began to see her mother with new eyes she was no longer just Grandma but a woman with her own dreams and passions this inspired her to reexamine her own life and ask herself if she was living on her own terms the grandchildren for their part now

had a grandmother with fascinating stories to tell their eyes Shone when Mrs Rosa showed them her new paintings or told them about her adventures in the art studio unknowingly they were learning an invaluable lesson about the value of Independence and the importance of never stopping growing but Mrs Rose's Legacy goes beyond her immediate family her story inv invites us all to reflect on our own family Dynamics are we respecting the personal space of our loved ones or are we unintentionally suffocating them with our expectations philosopher Khalil Gibran once said your children are not your children

they are Sons and Daughters of Life desirous of itself Mrs Rosa understood that the same applies to parents we are not the property of our children we are individuals with the right to our own lives so dear viewer I invite you to ask yourself are you living your life or the life that others expect of you remember it's never too late to start again if you want to take that motorcycle trip do it and don't forget to invite me huh life is too short to live in fear get out of your comfort zone do things

that scare you from time to time this is how we grow and learn as the great gter would say whatever you can do or dream you can do start it audacity has genius power and magic in it so go ahead be bold be yourself the best gift you can give your family is your own happiness if you've made it this far write in the comments water is powerful so I'll know who the victors are who made it to the end of the video don't forget to like subscribe and turn on notifications for more content like

this in the future share this video with your loved ones so they can implement this wisdom today and consider supporting the channel by becoming a member by doing so you will not only be contributing financially but you will also enjoy exclusive benefits I'll leave the link in the pinned comment so you can take a look thank you for your support now click on this video to continue nourishing your mind with wisdom a big hug and until next time [Music]