15 More Minutes of Katt Williams

- Poor thing, who do you even pray to? Nobody. Even when you fucking, what do you say when you come, atheists?

"Oh, oh, oh. . .

" Nothing. That's right, cause that's what you believe in. You can't even.

I know you gotta be hard. A black man in America, you gotta be a hard motherfucker, but we all know niggas that's hard all the motherfucking time. You can't forget to enjoy your God damn life.

We all know niggas as hard at seven o'clock in the motherfucking morning. You like, "Nigga wait a minute, nigga. You angry at breakfast, nigga?

You gang banging on bacon, nigga? This is. If your life is fucked up, you need weed.

Weed is put on this earth for niggas on the struggle, niggas on the grind. There is a chemical in weed that's called "fuck it". And if you could just get that in your system, it could change your life.

Some of y'all be crying about bills you can't pay. Just, "I don't know what I'm gonna do about this light bill. They don't want, they want the whole thing.

They don't want a piece of it or deposit. " Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception of what's important in your life. You just, "I don't know what I'm gonna do about this life.

" Fuck that God damn life. I got 12 candles. I've been waiting to burn them bitches.

And enjoy your God damn life. Life is fucking short. Enjoy that shit.

Some of y'all just need to smoke some weed and see if it don't help the quality of your motherfucking life. I know. I see some of y'all.

Look, I understand. If you ain't smoking weed 'cause you got a good job, then by all means make your paper, Boo Boo. But if you ain't got no job and you not smoking weed I don't know what the fuck you are doing with your life.

I really don't. I really don't. Don't gimme that about it's a drug.

It ain't no motherfucking drug. I did done the research. It's just a plant.

It just grow like that. And if you should happen to set it on fire There are some effects. But that's not the same as drugs.

Drgs you got to do to shit to it chemically. You gotta add baking soda, water, stir it up. I don't know the recipe.

I'm just saying. Its some shit you gotta do to it. Well, why the fuck is it illegal, I don't know.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherfuckers, it'll be your last headache. Long as you been living, you ain't never heard of a motherfucker overdose on marijuana. You might have thought that nigga was dead, he ain't dead.

He gonna wake up in 30 minutes, hungry enough to eat up everything that's in your house. That's side effects, hungry, happy, sleepy, that's it. Go on and testify.

I'm gonna tell you statistics gonna blow your fucking mind. There are zero niggas making fentanyl. Look at white people, "What?

" Yep. You better believe, white people. We would notice if niggas was dropping dead for nothing.

I looked up fentanyl, that shit is beyond dangerous. I said, "What you gotta do to die? " They said, "Touch it.

" That's when I knew niggas ain't involved in this. We like to touch everything we buy. We would notice niggas dying at the purchase.

His last word was, "This must be it. " Mhm. They want you to do shit that don't make no sense.

That's why I won't even talk about politics no more. Ain't shit to talk about. The fuck I'm supposed to do if both sides is the dumb side?

I don't even want to play no more! The fuck is this shit? But that's America.

We just don't know what we had last. Ten years ago some of you ladies was with a full fledged gang banger. Look at you, 10 years later, in here with that bank teller.

You look like you work at the bank. It's just a new change. It's a new era.

They say you don't miss what you got until it's gone. And Barack Obama is gone, children. Oh, I miss that nigga.

Oh. That nigga ain't never coming back. Every time you see this nigga, he doing some more white activities.

He out there parasailing and shit, swimming with the sharks and Micheal Phelps, riding horses bareback. Barack Obama, get back here. Nigga, we need you.

You ain't never heard overtime, nigga? Shit. Just give us four, five months to get on our feet right now.

Its crazy. Motherfucker, I'm so sick of motherfuckers talking about shit Joe Biden. "Joe need to get his shit together.

" "You need to wake up, Joe. " "Go Brandon, Joe! " The fuck is wrong with you people?

Who raised you? Joe Biden is 96 mother fucking years old, bitch. You gave papaw the job, bitch!

You gave great granddaddy the job, bitch! Now you want Big Daddy to get his shit together. Joe Biden is doing the best he motherfucking can.

That man is 97 years old. People talking shit about Joe Biden. "I don't like the way he left Afghanistan.

" Bitch, how the fuck do you think a 98 year old man leave a fight? Quickly and quietly, bitch. Joe Biden left Afghanistan like this.

Joe is doing the best he fucking can. Give him a fucking break. Joe is 99 God damn years old.

If you lucky enough to have a great granddaddy, call him up right now on the phone and ask him is he ready to do 12 press conferences tomorrow, bitch. No, he is not! Better believe something.

This shit finna come to a motherfucking end. Better have something to believe in. If you are a Christian make some motherfucking noise in the house.

If you're a Christian. Oh, yes. Yes.

Y'all supposed to be the most excited. Oh. Oh, as long as y'all done had it all figured out.

Oh. Christians supposed to be walking right up to 2012. Shit's getting more aggressive.

Fast food is getting more aggressive. Fast food used to be just a decision you make. Now they getting aggressive, and we gotta know when to draw the line.

Taco Bell done started trying to trap niggas. I gotta go all around the country, warning my people to beware. Taco Bell is trying to trap niggas.

Yes. They made a taco outta chicken meat. Yeah, trying to trap niggas in there.

We got to draw the line. No Taco Bell. No.

We don't stop them now, they'll have Chicken chimichangas in, hog maw nachos. No. We don't want no cornbread churro, make them regular.

Fast food done got more aggressive. You know who I blame for that shit. That motherfucking Popeyes lady.

I love Popeyes, but I can't stand that motherfucking Popeyes lady. That bitch is a slave. Every time you hear her, she singing that slave ass chicken song, just, "Love that chicken from Popeyes.

" Shut the fuck up, bitch. I'm gonna let you know, white people, in front of all these minorities, that bitch does not speak for all niggas. We been frying chicken for 400, 500 God damn years.

This bitch just coming up with new recipes, she ain't check with niggas at all. If every two week she got a new chicken niggas have never heard of. Try our new ghost pepper chicken.

Wait a minute, bitch. Niggas don't even believe in ghosts. You don't get that voodoo ass chicken outta here bitch.

We got Christians on this side, I'll have you know. Fuck that bitch. Every time she do a commercial, it's got to be some coon-ery and shit.

She got Jerry Rice looking like Scatman Crothers with Vaseline on his face with a helmet on eating chicken wings and dancing and shit. Its a crazy world, you don't know what to believe. The truth is just as strange as fiction.

Taco Bell, selling chicken wings. This isn't Revelations, bitch! Crack open ya Bible and see.

Some of you niggas is tearing up those pigeon winglets. Gobbling up those McTenders. Don't know what the fuck to believe.

All of us. They lying to all of us together. They told all of us in here, "There's a chicken wing shortage.

" Look at people of all races and religions, genders and creeds all agree. They damn sure did say that. They told all of us!

There's a chicken wing shortage. We just believed 'em. But liars always need a clue.

They think they smarter than them is. They said to all of us, there is a chicken wing shortage. Did you notice they did not say it was a shortage of chickens?

Said it was a chicken wing shortage. Just so you knew they was lying, they said some shit next that don't even make mathematical sense. They said there's a chicken wing shortage But we got plenty thighs.

They get two wings, two thighs. What y'all talking about, you got a whole bunch of thighs? Where the you getting these spider leg chickens from?

Science might have made a lot of shit but God made the chicken. He ain't gonna tell me, God made the chicken. He did that for the world.

That's how you know it's from God. What group of people don't fuck with chicken? Look at the vegans.

It's just us. God made the chicken. That bitch ain't safe nowhere.

Every time a chicken's foot hit the ground, somebody wants to put that bitch in grease. In China, in France, in Europe, in Mississippi. How you know God made it?

Cause that bird is the most delicious bird in the whole world! And that motherfucker can't fly. Cause God loves you!

If chickens could fly, half the motherfuckers in here would be dead right now. If you had to, if you had to catch your own 2-piece, you'd die. You was just in the backyard, just That was a spicy combo, too, I can't keep missing these opportunities.

Where's all the fellas in here with an ugly woman, makes some noise. Some people saw their whole marriage go before their eyes. Katt, I trusted you.

Look. Oh. Everybody in here with somebody ugly know better, they just staring at me like this.