Addressing FEMALE DISRESPECT: why this is essential to relationship success

I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is addressing female disrespect this is an extremely important topic both for men and women so I hope everyone will be listening carefully to today's talk let's Jump Right In the first thing that's important to understand is that disrespect is typically a process it happens gradually over time the best predictor of overt disrespect is covert disrespect which are small behaviors that have plausible deniability so if you don't want to have a larger problem on your hands further down

the road it's important to address disrespect while it is still in its smaller forms the clearest examples of the process of disrespect are seen in high schools and prisons a bully doesn't usually go straight to shaking down his Target that's actually pretty risky if he doesn't know who he's dealing with he could always pick the wrong guy to mess with and that's going to make his life more difficult and complicated than he intended so what these folks tend to do is they kind of test their victim classic example is bumping into their target as they're

crossing paths in a hallway and seeing how he responds this is a subtle test because there's some plausible deniability here like oh well maybe this person just wasn't looking where he was going it happens sometimes people jostle into each other however if the bully bumps into the target and the target says excuse me that person is now pegged as a target for escalation on the other hand if the target were to respond appropriately and cast a warning glance at the bully or issue a verbal warning that bully could always play it off whoa hey man

chill out what got you so worked up but he would probably think twice about escalating the situation now the issue is that most bullies kinda know that they're bullies and while women absolutely can be bullies that is they are intentionally using tactics to inflict emotional or psychological pain in order to get what they want I also believe that a lot of women women actually aren't aware of how they may be communicating disrespect to men and this is because at least in part respect means different things to men and women now before I go any further

if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this video to someone who might benefit from its message its Word of Mouth referrals like that that really help to grow this Channel and if you're thinking about going to grad school then you need to check out my top rated GRE self-study course at Stellar gre.com you can use the coupon code psych for 10 off all membership plans now at this point I'm going to offer the women in the audience a really simple test to determine whether a behavior is likely going to be perceived as disrespectful

to a man here it is with respect to any Behavior just ask yourself would I say the same thing in the same way to my boss if I was interested in keeping my job if the answer to that question is no congratulations you potentially have a disrespectful behavior on your hands if you are interested in keeping your job would you roll your eyes at your boss would you be dismissive of your boss's feedback would you complain angrily would you respond to your boss's requests sarcastically would you nag your boss to comply with your demands would

you mutter under your breath when your boss talks at meetings would you talk badly about your boss with your co-workers behind his back would you tease your boss would you be openly indifferent or uninterested in your boss's proposals would you mock your boss's attempts to maintain order and discipline I think most of us understand that if we're interested in keeping our jobs the answer to all of those questions is no and for the three percent of you out there listening to this who are now saying to yourselves well Ryan actually I I tease my boss

all the time we have a really warm and playful relationship okay then the question for you becomes would you act like that with your boss in front of other clients or customers of course not and why is that because you know how that behavior would come off to other people who are not initiated into your special little dynamic and this means that you understand my point now before I address why this behavior is detrimental to women's best interests let me respond to the most common objection I usually receive at this point in my argument in

short the objection is some variant of that's nice but a man is not the boss of me okay fair enough however your boss is not the boss of you either you're not his slave he can't make you do things that you don't want to do you are a participant in an at-will professional relationship he's not the boss of you however he is the boss of you in a professional context or even better he's the boss of the employees which is a role that you voluntarily agreed to assume and within that Dynamic the boss has legitimate

authority to make reasonable demands of and set reasonable expectations for his employees the person who builds the frame or to use my sexual Marketplace metaphor builds the ship is the boss or captain this is not always the man but it generally is why because it's usually men making bids to women to enter into their Lifestyles not the other way around however even if you disagree with that perspective a valid retort to the objection I previously stated would be why do you feel that your boss is entitled to a higher level of respect than I am

go shack up with that guy or see how he puts up with your on his time off Ladies If you communicate if you disrespect your man in ways that you wouldn't disrespect your boss you are functionally communicating that your professional relationship with your boss is more valuable to you than your intimate relationship with your man and maybe for you it is and the communication is appropriate no problem however if it isn't you should be aware that you may be communicating this message inadvertently all right so why is disrespecting men bad for women we can approach

the answer in two ways in the first place a man who has any self-worth whatsoever and who enjoys any kind of optionality in the sexual Marketplace will not tolerate disrespect so the woman being overtly or covertly disrespectful she may be jeopardizing what could otherwise be a fulfilling and rewarding relationship for her that's kind of the obvious reason but here's the second reason and it's a little spicier disrespecting men not only threatens the women's relationships it also threatens their positive emotionality this is because it is not possible for a woman to love a man she does

not respect it is possible for a man to love a woman he does not respect that happens every day however it is not possible for a woman to love a man she does not respect one of the many differences between men and women for a woman where the respect goes the love follows so disrespect not only threatens the relationship it threatens the love in her heart it threatens the woman's own positive regard men nipping covert disrespect in the bud is absolutely essential to the long-term health of your relationship addressing it is a way to safeguard

her positive regard for you if the disrespect is allowed to continue without consequence not only will the behavior likely become increasingly problematic but the high interest and attraction you may currently enjoy which are the conditions of her continued loyalty will be jeopardized compromising the sustainability of the relationship understand this is a long video but it's an important subject what do you think what is your experience with covert disrespect let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like the episode And subscribe to the channel thanks for listening