ELIMINATE NEGATIVE THINKING & CULTIVATE A POSITIVE MINDSET | your guide to becoming an OPTIMIST

[Music] hello everyone welcome back to a new episode of a better you by your host Fernando Ramirez that is me hello welcome you guys I am so excited for today's episode it is definitely a topic that a lot of us are trying to work through and just learn to be better from and that is eliminating negative thoughts and cultivating a positive mindset as well as just an optimistic mindset and just becoming an overall optimistic person I've definitely been through rough patches where I'm in a negative thought Loop and I simply cannot get out of it

I need other people to help me and this episode we're really going to do a deep dive on this topic and try to work through it if you're struggling through this know that you're not alone and that we're going to get through it together and we're also going to talk about how to cultivate a positive mindset because not gonna lie I have been told many times I am a very positive person and although a lot of it can be inherent inherent is that the word inherit I also believe that that a big part of being

an optimistic person is the mindset that you have which is completely up to you and you can choose to have that mindset I also think that being a positive person and having an optimistic mindset can attract you so many good opportunities friendships relationships and ultimately help you just live a happier life where you are going after your dreams and just you know living living your best life that's that's all I can say I've been Gathering a lot of information through different books and through the internet so I'm super excited to show you guys what I've

got before we jump into this episode make sure that you are subscribed to the YouTube channel as well as following the Instagram at a better you by Fernanda make sure that you give this podcast a rate if you haven't already and make sure you leave a review because I love reading your reviews and I think starting next week I'm going to pick a review to read at the beginning of every podcast so if you have the lucky review I will give you a shout out on the Pod so before we get into it let's do

a little self-check-in how's everyone doing how's everyone feeling am I talking too fast I always have to give myself a little bit of a self check because I am a naturally very fast talker and whenever I get into flow I just cannot slow it down so I'm trying to be more mindful of that but today has been a very productive sunny day I tanned on my balcony I do only have like a sliver of sun and I probably look really pathetic to people that are in the buildings beside me being like girl it's freezing just

because their son does not mean you need to be tanning on your balcony right now but that's what I did this morning um I also got some sushi for myself I went to the park I had a little solo date I had a kombucha I've just been having a good day today and I'm feeling pretty positive because the past few days I've spent with a lot of new friends and just having good experiences that don't involve going out or like partying or you know drinking things like that I've been working out a lot with friends

I recently just made a new friend and we went to a soccer game which was super fun and out of my comfort zone so that was really fun to do and my whole family was just in Mexico and my dad came back last night and my brother so I went to dinner with him caught up with him he's listening to this right now hello Victor but yeah I just feel pretty like satisfied and content and full because I've filled my social cup and I filled my work cup I just feel very productive right now so

anyways I'm coming at you from a positive mindset a positive aura and I hope that you're doing well as well if you're not and it's been a little bit of a slower week for you or something happened that was unfortunate I guess this podcast episode is for you because we're going to talk about how to switch that around and find the good and all that there is I guess finding the positive in whatever bad situation that you have so yeah that's that's my update why don't we jump into today's episode because I I just want

to get into it last year when I was in my little rut phase my boyfriend stood by me the entire time and he had to listen to me complain and me just be annoying and sad and negative and you know what it probably wasn't a good vibe to be around but this Christmas he got got me a book and it was very fitting for the little season that I had there and it is called how to eliminate negative thinking by Derek Howell on the cover of the book it says that this book is going to

help me overcome negativity control my thoughts and stop overthinking it's also going to shift my focus into positive thinking self-acceptance and radical self-love and I read this book recently because it was sitting on my desk and after reading it I got really inspired to make this episode because I thought this is something that everybody struggles with it's something that I struggle with and although some of the tips can seem like such common sense when you are in that state of mind it is so hard to change the way you're thinking and you kind of feel

like you're doomed you feel hopeless you feel like there's no way that you're going to get out of the situation and it's a really shitty feeling to feel because you can feel alone or you can feel that nobody understands you or you just feel so down that you don't know how to get out of it and sometimes I think that we can get even comfortable in those thoughts even if it's the last thing that we want we get a little bit comfortable and we just accept it for what it is when in reality we can

shift our thoughts into more positive ones and cultivate our little garden of thoughts in our brain into beautiful flowers that we water that we constantly are pouring love into therefore we can outwardly share our love and just be a better human towards whoever we come across and again I just want to say If you're diagnosed with something you have a mental illness I know that it's a different story and I know that it's much deeper than me giving you tips on like how to overcome your negative thoughts because that is like it's just a way

deeper problem but when you do get into these negative mind spaces it's really unfortunate and even if you don't mean to you are exuding a negative Aura and it can affect all the other people around you and that's the last thing you want because I'm sure you've even experienced being around a negative person and it kind of makes you just never want to hang out with them again because it puts you down and it brings the overall mood down and again sometimes they can't control it sometimes you can't control it but in the case cases

where you are choosing to have these thoughts it is in my opinion a pretty negative quality as I'm sure you all can agree with me so in this book by Derek Howell it says that negative thinking refers to a thought process in which one only sees the worst aspects of things events people and experiences it talks about how negative thinkers always expect the worst out of a situation and they really lower their standards and sometimes it's out of insecurity or they don't want to get their hopes up so they purposely look for the worst in

situations or they just downplay a situation to avoid disappointment whatever it may be and honestly having this mindset can just manifest in so many different ways and you can manifest bad situations even if you don't mean it so for that reason if you are having any negative thoughts or voicing negative thoughts to fit into a certain situation be careful because it can manifest into your life in so many different ways so you know we don't we don't want to even have those thoughts in the first place so anyways negative thoughts at least in my case

happen a lot of the times when I'm on my phone too too much or I'm scrolling and I'm looking into other people's lives or I'm comparing myself to someone else I feel like that's a big one comparison I think a lot of people struggle with that and it's something that I myself am even trying to navigate so I don't have all the answers to that but I think another route of having negative thoughts is being super worried about either something that's going to happen in the future or something that happened in the past and you

keep reliving it and either way both scenarios you aren't being present so I think that's a really big important thing to realize either way it's not happening right now and I think the biggest thing that you can do to combat this is practicing mindfulness whether that be in like a meditative state or like doing something that is really calming or relaxing to you or really grounds you and you just kind of get out of your own head some things that I will say is that when you are having negative thoughts there's a lot of ways

that you can go about it the first side I guess being that you can resort to very unhealthy coping mechanisms which could be like ignoring it avoid it suppressing it pretending like it's not there sleeping instead of handling it and although those might be temporary reliefs I guess from the situation at hand it really is only passing those negative thoughts into the future for when you're gonna have to deal with them again so I think it's really important to recognize and you know when you are having these negative thoughts maybe write them down and be

like hey what am I thinking of why am I thinking like this and what am I doing to deal with this because if it is one of those negative things you need to stop doing that that is definitely not going to help you and it's only prolonging the process for when you actually have to deal with it and your body is going to realize it too I feel like something that I've noticed is that whenever I'm in a negative situation or I'm thinking negative things it starts to show up in my body whether that be

rashes or maybe you're having trouble sleeping maybe you're having stomach problems like your body will tell you if you're overthinking about negative things or you're in a negative situation so yeah I think we really want to avoid having those negative coping mechanisms now that we've laid them all out I want to bring attention to the ways that we can reframe these negative thoughts and turn them into much more positive thoughts this is really going to take work but just know that it is something that you're capable of doing and that you have the power to

change your mind and your mindset honestly I think the first thing you need to do is when you are having these negative feelings really pinpoint why are you feeling that way and what caused you to feel this way what triggered you and why can't you get past it because I'm sure that you have a reason and even if it doesn't come to the Forefront I think that's one of those moments where you should Journal about it and really try to get to a place where you can say like what you want out of the situation

and for me sometimes I can have these obsessive thinking patterns when I'm avoiding something and as much as we are avoiding it and we don't want to actually deal with it I think that the number one thing you can do is just face it straight on and take action whether you're overthinking about a situation a problem an interaction figure out what you can do and if you can do anything because if you can do something deal with it head on stop avoiding it stop using all these other distractions to try to minimize it or make

it go away you have to face it head-on and think logically like what can I actually realistically do about this and if there isn't something that I can do about it why is it in the back of my head why am I overthinking it so we have one practice self-awareness and self-observation so you can realize if you are having negative thoughts and why they're happening try to really pinpoint the reason for this and if after you've done all that and there isn't an option for you to take action I think another thing that you can

do is really set aside time to worry which sounds kind of funny but sometimes when you are having these obsessive thoughts it can kind of creep into your personal life or your work life and I feel like I've read this everywhere and I've seen it everywhere that if you're having some sort of thoughts and it's really affecting your day-to-day life you need to just try your best to forget about it and set a time to really think it through through talk to somebody just really work through it in a specific time frame rather than having

it Cloud over your head throughout your day-to-day life because it really is going to affect and bleed into other avenues of your life another thing that I think that you can do if you are having these obsessive thoughts is get out of your head and reconnect with people in real life whether that be you're in your apartment you're overthinking you're stuck maybe take a walk outside and just see people in public sometimes honestly that does help me and I see people laughing or playing with their kids and it kind of makes me realize that even

though I am living in my own head and I am living in my own world I am like a little speck in this huge world and like it's not all about me there's so many things happening all around me and I just need to step outside of my shoes I also want to say that it's really important to be compassionate and patient and kind with yourself because it's really normal to have these thoughts and almost every single person in the world if not everybody struggles with this from time to time and you're not alone in

this like literally everybody has this and even myself I have times where I'll get in really low States because I can't get something out of my head and I think you just need to again step outside of your shoes and be like girl just take a breather chill for a minute like this whole problem and this whole negative mindset that you're having is only in your head and having this negative mindset like it really does make you see the world differently because you're seeing everything out of this like gray lens and you need to change

your perspective and stop seeing out of those lenses now if you were to ask me what I do when I'm having this negative mindset is I love to talk to other people about it for two reasons but starting off with number one I love talking to other people when I'm in these states because I can freely express myself and by this I mean make sure you are talking to someone that you can trust and that you know is not going to judge you it's not going to make you feel bad about whatever you're feeling and

somebody that can hold space for you and if you do need to kind of warn them or something you can message them or talk to them in person and be like look I have a lot going on in my head do you think that you can just listen to what I have to say and give me some advice and I'm sure if these are loved people or people that are very close to you they would do that for you but I love telling other people what my issue is because it lets me hear another perspective

hear another opinion and sometimes they really help ground me and make me realize that it isn't all that I'm making it up to be in my head I feel like sometimes we can get an idea really worked up and we feel like it's the biggest deal in the world it's a make or break situation and all we need is for somebody else to tell us it's not that deep you are fine look at it from this different Viewpoint and it's super helpful so I highly recommend talking to other people and telling them what you're feeling

so that they can either one ground you to give you a different perspective maybe they've already been through the situation you've been in maybe they're older than you maybe they can see your problem from just like an overview and they can help you work through it or they can give you solutions for how you can fix this or they can help you see on the bright side so I do think that's really important and that's probably my number one way that I deal with having these negative thoughts and I also want to say that sometimes

telling your problems to other people is very validating because you know they'll give you the time of day and they'll tell you I totally understand why you're feeling like this it's so valid and it is nice to have somebody else say that to you like I said earlier I think that when you are present and you're fully just being in the moment it's hard to have these negative thoughts because you're not thinking about the future you're not thinking about the past and it's really important to do things that make you feel grounded in the present

moment for me that could be doing like yoga because you are fully supposed to take any thought out of your mind and that goes again with breath work or meditation but there are other activities that put you in kind of this meditative Zone which could be doing the dishes listening to music dancing or kind of forgetting about the situation but like in a very very healthy way like for example taking the night off and going to dance with your friends where you know you're going to have laughter and joy and like make memories and you

don't have to think and overthink about the same situation you can kind of just let loose and do an activity that is going to make you feel really good and in that moment another thing that I think is really helpful is turning to a creative Outlet whether that be drawing or painting or writing I think that expressing whatever you're feeling out into something tangible is so relieving and relaxing and it's such a healthy coping mechanism for whatever situation you're going through and I know I have a few friends that when they are having these negative

mindsets they do turn to like R and they'll be coloring or drawing and it doesn't even have to be good it could just be whatever you're feeling just to get your mind off of whatever you're thinking about and onto paper and it feels almost even productive and really soothing for me I think that I'm a very expressionate person through my voice so as I said earlier I like talking to people about it but if I don't have anyone to talk to I love doing like MacBook videos like I'll use my computer to do the photo

booth and just press record and talk about my problems because sometimes when I say them out loud I can kind of work through them even 10 times better than when I'm thinking them in my head so just saying them out loud and for some reason having something record me makes me feel like what I'm saying is purposeful rather than just talking to myself with nothing recording so I personally love doing that um which is also why I like vlogging because sometimes when I don't feel good I'll turn my Vlog camera on and I'll like talk

it out but if you're not into that I think a safe bet is to journal and not everybody is into journaling I feel like even myself sometimes whenever I'm writing in paper and Pen my hand just gets so crampy after writing so many paragraphs and just so many words and I kind of hate it um that I prefer to type on my computer and I'll just open up my notes app or my Google dogs app and I'll just write right away whatever I'm feeling and again it just really helps me get my feelings into words

and sometimes you end up writing about things that you didn't even think you were thinking of like it's truly your subconscious coming through and it really makes you just like realize what the problem is and also if you do have it recorded and you choose to save it I think in the future you can go back to those things and it's really nice reading it because you can realize how far you've come or how your thoughts in the past are so different to how they are in the future or you can even realize that when

you felt your absolute lowest and you thought that things couldn't get better you totally can surpass that and you can get through it and something to note about that is to say that at whatever stage you're at if you're listening to this right now any negative thoughts that you've had in the past or thoughts that you thought you couldn't get out of or just really negative head spaces the fact that you're listening to this now and the fact that you're here today means that you've been able to push forward and you're that strong so when

negative times come you need to remind yourself that you've made it this far and that you have been able to deal with everything in the past and not only that but at this point you've gained even more Tools in your toolbox as they say or just experience to handle things in the future so just remember that when you are having these negative thoughts and you're trying to figure out ways to quiet them or work through them another thing I really like to do when I'm in this headspace is to go outside and socialize or literally

touch grass I feel like we forget that nature is just so healing to us and if you live near an ocean I'm so jealous that you can just jump in the water and I literally do I live in Vancouver I live right on the coast but the water is so cold here so if you live by a warm beach I'm so jealous that you can just go spend time outside and go in there but for me in Vancouver here we have a lot of forests and we have a lot of places to go on walks

and I think that going on a little hot girl walk is definitely going to clear your mind and maybe by the time you're done your walk you're going to realize okay I just needed to get outside I just needed to get out of my little Cocoon of a home and see the outside world I actually called my boyfriend today and I was telling him that I wanted to make an episode on dealing with negative thoughts and how to combat this and I think that my boyfriend is a very very positive person I feel like he's

never overthinking and never having negative thoughts and sometimes I'll even ask him like do you even do you even think about things the other day do you even overthink because I swear you're always in a good mood and so as I was telling him that I was going to film this podcast I was like please give me some tips on how you stay positive and how you avoid these negative thoughts and his response was something that I already had written down I already knew that this was something that you should do but he told me

that he wakes up every morning and he's just so grateful and appreciative of the little things that it kind of helps silence any negative thoughts that he has I think this is one of those moments where you're shifting from a negative outlook to a positive one where you're just so grateful to even be alive you wake up in the morning in a comfy bed and you say oh my gosh I'm so grateful for the bed that I have I'm so grateful for the sun that's shining in my room right now I'm so grateful that I

have a comfy bed and comforter that I'm just so warm right now times like that you are so appreciative of what you have that the negative thoughts that you do have even though they can be so overpowering you can at least try your best to focus on what good you do have and it really lets you point out the good in life and be aware of the small things which I think is so important and can sometimes be really overlooked the next thing that I do that always makes me feel good is to focus on

things that make me have fun that make me actually enjoy what I'm doing that bring me joy I feel like that's so common sense and it's like okay obviously if you do something you like it's going to make you feel better yeah okay but sometimes when you're in this negative mindset I feel like I just get into this mood where I'm like I don't want to do anything you almost get comfortable being in this negative mindset but no change your mind reframe your thoughts and do things that make you feel good and that make you

feel Joy this can be even doing a hobby and I specifically want to say that this spring we're going to focus on hobbies and I would love to make a full episode on this but hobbies are things that you do that have no correlation to your job have no correlation to I don't know work or a sport or something that's mandatory to do it's just something that you do because it only brings you Joy and that's purely the purpose of it so remember to incorporate more fun things in your everyday life or maybe social plans

just whatever it is that you know makes you feel good and the last point that I want to talk about that I really really love but when you're in these periods you can get really down on yourself and I think something that automatically always makes me feel better is to have things to look forward to this was another one of those things that my boyfriend said that he does and he'll make a list of things that he's is looking forward to I always intentionally line up my week say on Mondays and I give myself things

to look forward to whether that be social plans at the end of the week or I sign up for a bunch of different workout classes for the week so that I'm held accountable and I know that I have to show up to these places that makes me really excited and it gets me in the mindset that I have to keep pushing and that I have to just keep living every single day because there's something that I've made a commitment to I have a whole episode on how to romanticize your life and basically on ideas on

how to enjoy your everyday life and I highly recommend listening to that episode if you haven't already it's one of my favorites that I've recorded and I think I have a lot of really good ideas there and I think that switching your mindset to this one where you are romanticizing your everyday life is automatically going to put you in a much more positive mindset but I do think that it will make you feel a lot better if you do this and something that I actually saw this guy on Tick Tock saying which I thought was

super cute but he was saying that he does this list all the time but but when he can't think of reasons to make himself excited he'll think of ways and make a list on how he can add value to his friend's life and how he can give his friends and family exciting things to look forward to which I thought was super cute because if you can't do it for yourself do it for other people this could be maybe you told your friend hey I'm Gonna Bake you a cake this weekend and now they're so excited

they're holding you accountable and you know that you're going to bring them Joy or you can host a Sunday home-cooked dinner night and you tell your friends and family early on in the week that'll give them something to look forward to so things like that I think is super cute I think it's a great idea to do and it's something that I definitely am going to do so whenever you're done listening to this episode I hope that you guys go to your little Notes app and come up with a list on reasons for why you're

excited for this next week or month or year another thing I want to say about having negative thoughts is that one of the ways that you can combat it in the first place is cultivating and environment that won't let you fall and slip into these mindsets in the first place by this I mean hanging around people that you know bring you up and lift you up and aren't negative I've definitely been in environments where the people around me are super Negative they only see the worst in situations they're always complaining they're pointing out maybe flaws

in other people and it's draining to be around it's so tiring it's so just annoying and it brings down the overall mood of everybody even if they're trying to do it or not so if it's possible for you to stay away from those types of people and stay around positive people I think it's gonna make all the difference for you it's going to make you not look at the negatives and look at the positives appreciate the positives and being around positive people is just so motivating and uplifting because they might even bring you perspectives that

you hadn't thought of before or their way of living and their way of thinking is just so inspiring that it's gonna rub off on you one more thing that I want to mention is that by practicing all these techniques on reframing your negative thoughts and incorporating more positive ones it definitely is going to take time and it's not something that happens overnight but if you're first of all aware that you are having these negative thoughts and you know where they're coming from I think that's the first step to changing them because at least you know

that they're there and they're not controlling you but rather you have the chance to control them in some time you will be able to see the tangible differences and you're going to feel like a whole new person another thing that you can do in terms of cultivating a positive environment is having a good place that you actually live in so I guess we already talked on the people around you but the place that you live in also has a really big effect on your mindset and the thoughts that you have if you have a dirty

room with the windows closed and you're just not taking care of yourself you're probably going to have a lower self-esteem or just feel a lot more lethargic I think is the word like when you just feel very down and maybe you start to see things with a negative lens whereas if you keep your environment clean and fresh and you treat it with love it's going to make you feel so much better and if you need tangible reminders for these positive thoughts I would highly recommend getting sticky notes and sticking them all around your apartment or

your room with positive affirmations and positive sentences that remind you to look for the good in things and I've actually done this before I got little sticky notes and I wrote things like I'm going to be a millionaire I am so creative I am so positive I make friends everywhere that I go I love my life I deserve all good things and I stuck them all in places where I knew I was going to find them whether that be inside my fridge right above my shoe rack in my drawers in my mirror where I get

ready every day and I said to myself every time I see this sticky note I'm going to say the affirmation out loud this may seem cheesy to you you may think that this is super unnecessary or embarrassing but it does make you save those words and say them out loud and eventually you'll start to have those positive thoughts ingraining your head more frequently and even if you don't believe them they're constantly being said in your head therefore it's always in your mind these positive thoughts sometimes I would be embarrassed when I had them around my

apartment because I was like my friends are gonna see them but I think it's cute it's taking care of your mental health and if I saw those sticky notes in somebody else's apartment honestly I would probably say it out loud and then I'd be like oh my God that's so cute I need to do that because they're definitely taking care of their mental health and not only is it helping them but the fact that I just saw it made me say it out loud therefore it's kind of like a ripple effect and you're giving other

people the chance to say the affirmations to themselves even if it's not something that they typically practice now going off of this affirmation for things about yourself you have to remember to stay positive within yourself and practice positive self-talk when you are feeling these negative emotions it's really easy to start being mean to yourself and pick on yourself and think think very low of yourself but that is so unfair to do and you have to remind yourself that you need to treat yourself like somebody that you love because you would never do that to somebody

else and I'm sure if somebody else came to you with their negative thoughts and problems you would try to console them and help them solve their problem without picking on them or making them feel bad about themselves you would simply be like it's okay this is what I think you should do about this and the same goes for yourself when you are having these negative thoughts realize that you are not your thoughts and just because you're having them and just because they're passing by your head does not mean that they have control over you and

that you have to start picking on yourself and agreeing with those thoughts you can have these thoughts and say I do not align with those and I'm going to erase those thoughts from my mind and I recognize that just because they're there doesn't mean that I planted them or that I agree with them to add on about your environment being a positive place I think another thing that you can do is add posters to your wall or books in your room or or maybe picture frames with pictures that have positive quotes on them that inspire

you to have positive thoughts maybe it can be a vision board maybe it can be a picture of something that you're trying to manifest just things that make you excited and you look forward to something that you look at and it automatically brings you a smile maybe that could be a photo of a memory a photo of your family just add more things into your environment that make you happy without even having to second guess that if you've seen my apartment tours you would know that I have a lot of posters around my apartment that

have affirmations or little sentences that Inspire or I even have my vision board in my office and all those things make me feel good and even if I have negative thoughts I know that when I'm in my apartment there's things all around me to make me feel good about myself and at least I know that my environment isn't adding to the negativity and lastly about having a positive environment I want to say that you need to be careful with the content that you consume and the content that you are taking in on Instagram and through

Netflix and whatever streaming platforms you're listening to obviously every once in a while I like seeing a sad movie or listening to sad songs or you know you can go down a rabbit hole on YouTube of something that's like super negative and it's interesting whatever but make sure that you're incorporating things that make you feel good I think having inspiring content is so interesting and I'm not gonna lie I do spend a lot of time on Tick Tock but a lot of the time that I do spend on there I am seeing other people's positive

perspectives and it gives me so much knowledge and insight and it makes me feel better because maybe I don't know people in real life that can give me that type of advice but I can find that through the internet and if you are going to use the internet you might as well use it in a way that's going to add to your life instead of comparing yourself to something that you didn't need to see online that's probably unnatural for you to even see online Okay so we've talked about negative thoughts we've talked about reframing them

into more positive ones and we've talked about ways to cultivate positive thoughts and make it almost second nature for you to start thinking more positively but I think that there's still a difference between having positive thoughts being someone that you know spreads positivity and being an overall Optimist because I think that being an optimist or an optimistic person even though it is a personality traitor you know it can be a part of your personality that is like a state of being rather than just having positive thoughts every here and there I think that you can

still say positive things or have positive thoughts and still overall think negatively or be a realist or kind of get down on yourself or get down on other people's aspirations and I think switching your mindset to trying to become an optimist or have that in your back of your head is going to be so helpful because I honestly think that those are the best people to have in your life and I think that it's so refreshing when you are a very positive person whenever you walk into a room and you can bring light to the

good that there is and point point out things that you're grateful for not only is that going to help you but again it helps other people around you and people want to be around positive uplifted and optimistic people so whether you're trying to get a new job or whether you're trying to get into a school or you're trying to I guess in my scenario you're maybe like trying to network or you're trying to meet with new people I would much much much rather be with someone that's uplifting and makes me feel good about myself so

make sure that you are that person to other people because they will pick you out of whoever it is in a group of people again if you're a little bit confused on what an optimist is I have here that an optimistic person sees the good things everywhere they're generally confident and hopeful for what the future holds their point of view is that the world is full of potential opportunities and the pessimist on the other hand observes mainly the negative aspects of everything around them so easy to worry about superficial things or things that don't really

matter and when you really strip it down and you realize everything that you do have it does put things into perspective and it makes you realize that your problems may not be as big as you're making them out to be in your mind I'm just cutting in right now from the future and I just wanted to add something because as I'm editing this podcast I just want to make sure that you guys understand that I'm not trying to reinforce toxic positivity which is when you are like almost too positive to the point where it's not

actually helping the situation at all toxic positivity if you're unfamiliar with that is that you think positively all the time and that your mindset is that no matter what happens you have to be positive and I found online that the definition of optimism is not always looking on the bright side but Dr Seligman I hope I'm saying that right they Define optimism as reacting to problems with a sense of confidence and high personal ability so it is believing that negative events are temporary and manageable having this mindset that you should just tough it out and

stay positive through whatever you're going through I don't think is helpful and can probably cause you a lot of stress because it's not possible and emotions are so human and everybody goes through ups and downs but I think the overall consensus of this whole talk is that you should be able to look at your situation and acknowledge it and look at it from different angles different perspectives keep an open mind and trying to use healthy coping mechanisms to battle whatever you're going through after that is done focusing on maintaining a positive outlook on life appreciating

the little things that you have showing gratitude and staying mindful so that you don't spiral into an overthinking cycle but yeah hopefully that makes sense and you guys understood that I wasn't trying to promote any sort of toxic positivity because that is the worst and I hate when people try to enforce that I also want to say two other points that I have written down here but the first one is that if something good happens to you give yourself credit for it whether that be something small or big in your life if it's something that

you are proud of that took you hard work and it was effort for you to do give yourself a little pat on the back give yourself a little celebration feel proud of yourself I think that again breeds more positivity and once you start to notice all the good that happens around you it's going to be easier and easier to see the world from this positive lens and lastly I want to say that if all fails and something awkward is happening something bad is happening something embarrassing is happening but you do have this elevated new mindset

be able to embrace even the most embarrassing moments be able to laugh at yourself to joke at yourself to find the humor in situations and not only will it help you ease any embarrassment but it'll help other people laugh for example okay I have a little personal story here last week if you listen to the episode I talked about how I had a few very embarrassing moments on a red carpet at this very important La event and by important I say that in kind of quotations because how important could red carpets events really be honestly

but it was important I was excited to be there I had many embarrassing moments and I could have gotten really down on myself I could have said oh my God I suck I'm so embarrassing I don't deserve to be here this is humiliating dating I'm gonna never tell anybody so that nobody uses it against me and I'm gonna be negative for the rest of the night because I just ruined my shot at acting cool and fancy at this super important event but instead I had these embarrassing moments I was like what the heck just happened

I told the girl beside me what just happened she grounded me she was like look it's not that bad and I was like you know what I'm gonna choose to believe you for my own sake and then I came home I recorded the podcast I explained it on the podcast and I was able to laugh at myself and I was able to look at it from a positive perspective of you know what it wasn't that big of a deal in retrospect nobody remembers what happened it's a funny story that I get to tell now it

was a learning experience for me I probably won't make that mistake again and even if some of you guys will be in my comments laughing at me for what just happened at least I made you guys laugh so I think that that's a positive way to embrace something that could have negatively impacted you and instead of getting down on yourself and saying oh my gosh this sucks I hate my life that was so embarrassing you you can reframe those thoughts and try to look for the good in things and again if you struggle with looking

for the good in situations find yourself a positive friend because I assure you that they will help you find the positive in situations I think we need to remember to not take life too seriously for example when I moved out last year I had a phase where I was really negative and I was like I have no friends in this city like was this the right decision I'm gonna go through seasonal depression I'm so overwhelmed I'm so stressed I have so much work to do and I was stuck in my apartment just like looking outside

the glass feeling like a little animal in a cage in a zoo being like Oh my God I want to go outside but I can and my boyfriend would be like literally go on a walk and I'd go on a walk and I'd see people laughing and smiling and having a grand old time and I was like okay maybe I should do this more often maybe I should step outside of my little cave more often and see that there's a whole world going on and I should stop being a little bit of a self-absorbed human

that is only focusing on my problems you know what I mean so anyways guys this is an ongoing battle we're trying our best every single day it's easier said than done but we can try our best to incorporate so many positive thoughts that it overshadows the negative ones at least I have my book here about 101 essays that will change the way you think and I highlighted a few key quotes that really applied to this so I just want to read them out to you this chapter is about how to know when the only thing

in the way of your happiness is you and it says you choose what you think should be right rather than what actually is you're more loyal to the ideas you have about things than the honest reality you know them to be and I think that this really applies because sometimes again you can really get in your head and start to believe that your thoughts are true when in reality that isn't the case and you're choosing to believe the thoughts that are happening in your head and you're choosing to give in to them okay I feel

like I've rambled enough I hope that this kind of made sense and it kind of opened your eyes a little bit to ways that you can cope with these feelings instead of of suppressing them because we know that that is so bad for us and our body will intuitively tell us and warn us when we are doing this I want to say before I end off this podcast that my challenge for you this week is to two things actually one I want you to make a list of all the things that you're excited for and

you're looking forward to and two I want you to spend a day doing a bunch of things that give you energy if you guys have seen on Pinterest there is this thing called the energy givers and energy drainers and energy givers are activities or things that you do that make you feel good that make you feel positive and that just inspire you for example mine would be when I wake up early when I get eight hours of sleep when I listen to a healthy podcast when I eat healthy food when I surround myself with good

people I want you to do this maybe on a Sunday night or like the night before and then prepare yourself for the next day to live that entire day doing all these things that you know make you feel good and at the end of the day you can can even do a little reflection and say how did I feel at the end of this day did doing all these healthy things that I know give me energy make me feel good at the end of the day and I assure you that your answer is going to

be yes and knowing this I want you to incorporate those activities or those mindsets or those thoughts in your everyday life because again having this process of turning into a much more positive person is not an overnight thing but even if you're five percent better the next day it's still five percent better than the day before and after a few weeks after a few months after even a few days you are going to feel a lot better about yourself that was the episode I hope that you guys liked it I love you guys I'm so

exhausted actually now that I'm done filming this it's like 11 52 p.m I'm grateful for you and if you're listening up to this point of the episode I love you so much [Music]