How to Create the Life You Want: Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher

everyone has a different idea about happiness but many people when they think of Happiness they're thinking about I have this house I have this car I have this partner I have this perfect job I feel complete once you get those things the science shows that you're still not happy you're still looking for more things there are five pathways to happiness the first validation we invalidate how we feel all of the time we don't acknowledge our stress we say I'm fine I'm okay the second V is venting we need to let out our pressure we need

to let off steam literally right the third is values having that self-reflection and thinking about what you truly value what brings you purpose and meaning the fourth is vitals how many bodies did God give you one and what do we have to do with it take care of it the fifth is hey it's your friend Mel I am so happy that you're here because I love the topic and I love who we're going to get to spend time with together and you know who else I love spending time with together you it's always an honor

to be able to to spend this time and learn with you and laugh with you and if you're brand new I just want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family you have picked one heck of a winner of a conversation to listen to Because what's more important than your happiness not a whole lot else and the fact that you hit play you know what that tells me about you it tells me that you're interested in learning more about ways that you can improve your life and be happier and you also love research I

love that because I love that too and today I'm bringing you a conversation that's not just inspiring it's transformational today in our Boston Studios you're going to get to meet and spend time with the Incredible Dr Judith Joseph now Dr Judith is a double board certified psychiatrist she earned her medical degree in MBA and completed her residency at Columbia University where she now serves as the chairwoman of the women in medicine board and she also went to do her fellowship at NYU where she's been a professor for over a decade her cuttingedge research has earned

her National recognition including a US Congress and House of Representatives Proclamation award for her advocacy in mental health and her Innovative research she is also at The Cutting Edge of medical research she's the founder and principal investigator at Manhattan Behavioral Medicine where she and her team have conducted over 60 clinical research trials including leading the trial for the first ever FDA approved drug for postpartum depression isn't that amazing well that's just the beginning Dr Judith's Mission aligns perfectly with the mission of the Mel Robbins podcast which is to make life-changing information accessible to everyone in

your life in my life that's what we're doing here and why I'm so excited is because through her latest brand new Happy lab research she's been working to uncover what she says are the five things based on Research that are going to make you thrive and today she is revealing them to you so let's Dive In please help me welcome the extraordinary Dr Judith Joseph to the Mel Robbins podcast Mel I'm so happy to be here well I can't wait to jump into the topic into all of your brand new research and I want to

start by asking you could you just speak directly to the person that's here with us right now and listening and share with them what is it that they might experience differently in their life if they really take to heart everything that you're about to teach us today and they apply it in their life if you're listening right now and you are feeling a bit empty or Restless or just feeling lost you should thank yourself right now because you are giving yourself the gift of knowledge you are being curious about how you can potentially be happier

and how you could potentially impact the people in your lives so I want you to thank yourself because you are giving your GI yourself the gift of making your life better I was not expecting you to say that I think that when you're feeling really overwhelmed or lost or just unhappy that the last thing that you're doing is thanking yourself you're beating yourself up why is that an important thing to do many of us are so hard on ourselves look for example today I'm coming to the Mel Robin show to see my good friend Mel

and I'm like why didn't I read this why didn't I read that I had to even stop and say I should be really giving myself some gratitude here you know I'm doing something that's making the world a better place I'm a working mom I'm a single mom I am an entrepreneur so as a psychiatrist I have to remind myself of my selfworth that I am doing something good that I should be grateful for me and grateful for the things that I'm doing what's interesting about what you just said is that I think that we are

all know that we beat ourselves up but when I look at somebody like you and I look at your resume and I look at the work that you're doing in the world it wouldn't even occur to me that you have a critical inner voice and I guess where I want to start because for the person that isn't familiar with your work you have an extremely unique lab you do very important work and I would love for you to just share with the person that's with us what you do and why it's so unique and the

kinds of things that your lab is researching right now well M I've I've told you this story before personally but many people don't know this in 2020 I was sitting at my desk in my office and I was giv this talk to this major hospital system to people who didn't know what was happening in the world who were faced with uncertainty and were afraid and they were looking to me for help and Midway through that talk I was just like oh my gosh I think I'm depressed and I was like how did depression sneak up

on me and it led me to wonder how many people out there are wearing this mask of productivity they're really struggling on underneath and no one knows it but they're cop with it by busying themselves by showing up for others by being a a good mom by being a good friend a good sister a caraker and I started to ask this question in my practice and many people were saying that is me that is me but they weren't fitting neatly into this box because they were still going they were still pushing through they were still

functioning that led me to really understand the Human Experience in a different way how is it that people are showing up but they're feeling empty what is that and that me to understand high functioning depression that feeling of being numb being me feeling blah feeling as if things don't excite you anymore and I want people to know that this is a human experience it's happening to you you can understand it better and you could do something about it you have a very unique take though on everything that you do because you're not only in clinical

practice and you're not only a professor but you're running this world-renowned research lab so before we jump into some of the things that you've been researching about high functioning depression and more importantly the new research coming out of the happiness lab can you just share with the person that's listening what your lab does and some of the things that you're focused on that are very unique and how that informs the way you think about happiness yes my lab is focused on mental health issues anywhere from ADHD to dementia and as a principal investigator leading teams

that study Phase 2 to phase four clinical research we're constantly trying to work with companies to develop new medications new therapies to address things like ADHD bipolar disorder schizophrenia depression and as a scientific a serious researcher I know that there's something called the bioc psychosocial model okay hold on what is the bio social psycho what what did you say bioc psychosocial model okay and what does that mean in a normal person speak well in medical school we all learn that certain illnesses or conditions have different components uhuh if it were a simple let's say for

example as depression if it were simple as taking a pill we none of us would ever be depressed we just put the meds in the water and everybody would be happy gol lucky right yeah but we know that it's not that simple because biologically there are risk factors for depression there are risk factors based on your genetics your past history family history and certain medical conditions and then we know psychologically there are factors based on your past trauma your attachment style the way that you're resilient or not the way you cope adaptively or not and

then the social part which is your environment so what are your relationships like what is your job like what is your school like what are you eating how much are you moving are you exposed to toxins so it's very complicated because there are all these factors that lead to your happiness or detract from your happiness and I wanted to democratize that because why should only medical students have access to this everyone should know what their bioc psychosocial is because then we have different Avenues to obtaining and attaining sustainable happiness I think I understand why you're

so excited about this new research what are you researching exactly in the happiness lab well everyone has a different idea about happiness what is definition of happiness for me yeah feeling connected when I was and it goes back to my childhood my dad was a pastor and we would go out into the community and help people and feeling connected to people feeling that I'm creating purpose in this world that makes me happy and connectedness could be with my family it could be with my friends in my lab but that makes me extremely happy I mean

I'm one of four siblings so I'm always around people and that energy feeds me it makes me Thrive the moments in my La life in my past when I've been unhappy I've been incredibly lonely and I need to feel that that connection is everybody's definition different I think so I think some people are okay with having some loneliness here and there you know I I call it loneliness but for them it's me time right right um for others they need that time away from others to explore to create and that's okay we all have our

own idea of what makes us feel happier every time you think of the word happy just imagine write down what you imagine happy is in your mind I immediately thought of my dog I don't know if my family's going to be mad at me but for some reason I thought about my dog well I have two dogs so I should probably say both dogs and the fact that it's not that I'm happy when I see them I am but if I had to think of an image around what is happy it's the fact that when

you open the door your pet is so excited to see you their whole body is shaking they are nothing but love toward you they seem to constantly be emoting something that feels positive am I in the right lane here well Mel you're healed like you have you've done the work but many people when they think of Happiness when they're being real with themselves they're thinking about I have this house I have this car I have this partner I have this perfect job I feel complete the problem with that is that once you get those things

the science shows that you're still not happy you're still looking for more things and I I've experienced that you know I had the fancy degrees got the marriage got the kid had the house had the business and I still felt empty I was still looking for more and that's an experience that a lot of people come to me with they say well I don't know why I'm still not happy but I wanted people to understand why they feel this way what is the science of your happiness and there's this whole curriculum throughout America in many

schools where you adolescents are learning about the science of Happiness college students are learning about it but a lot of adults don't know about it and I wanted to basically bring you back to school to understand the science of your happiness so in my lab I take people through their own unique biopsychosocial and help them to understand their biology understand their psychology and their social Factor so that we can work from these three different angles to really cultivate Joy well what I think is so cool is that when I think about what you do for

a living on one hand you're teaching on another hand you're in clinical practice sitting in front of people and another unique thing about your practice is you have people of all ages in your practice so your practice is little kids all the way up to grandparents and so you're seeing the full range of The Human Experience and then you're running an all female clinical research lab that is investigating and running clinical trials for pharmaceutical prescription drugs that will help people with mental health issues and so you're have this lens that where you've seen interventions with

prescription drugs you see interventions with talk therapy you are teaching this at New York University and now you've decided to start this happiness lab to try to help people find their blueprint for happiness so how did you set up the research for the happiness lab given that you have these three very different parts of your professional life where you're seeing patients I set up the happiness lab based on all the different hats that I wear for example with the doctors at NYU I'm teaching them how to use media and social media to communicate effectively to

the public so taking really complex mental health things and delivering them in easily relatable ways in the lab I'm doing research with drugs and different methods trying to address certain symptoms and in the happiness lab I'm really pulling from all of these different parts these different hats that I wear and making it accessible so that people have a path to really understanding the science of their own happiness and how to obtain sustainable Joy that's how I came up with the 5vs to thriving I wanted to be able to tailor this to the individual but have

a methodology that anyone could follow and the 5vs are very simple the first is validating many times we don't acknowledge how we feel the second is venting learning how to express how we feel the third is our values things that really give our lives a sense of purpose and meaning the fourth vitals we only have one body we have to learn learn how to take care of it and the fifth is Vision how do we keep moving forward so that we're not stuck in the past so Dr Judith you've spent almost your entire career treating

and helping patients who are struggling with depression and anxiety and who are just feeling off or on autopilot or they have like complex trauma and that's the work that you've been doing as a psychiatrist and then you have this Research Institute that is also researching and doing clinical trials for all kinds of pharmaceutical interventions that are trying to get approved by the FDA to help people with mental health challenges and what I'm curious about is why did you want to then kind of flip it from depression and anxiety and truly do research around happiness like

what led to this so many times we're so focused on the science and advances that we've forgotten the basics and we all have the DNA we have the makeup to find happiness we're just genetically built to have joy that's why we have dopamine our in our brains but we've forgotten along the way the basics and I wanted people to know that there were five pathways to happiness that everyone has access to we all you know do different things Within These five V's that I created but we all have access to them and if we knew

them then we could all find the science of our own happiness and follow these five pathways and are these five pathways that you're about to teach us these five vs that have come out of your research in this happiness lab project are these related to the same things that keep you unhappy or make you be in a position in your life where you feel lost or overwhelmed like what's the connection between what you see when somebody's really struggling versus what you see when somebody's happy all of these 5 vs have a negative and a positive

aspect of them if we're not doing them right we will be unhappy if we're doing them in a positive way that edifies us we will be happier let me just see that I understand what you just said so as a psychiatrist and a researcher you see these same five things when somebody's struggling it's just that they're not actually focused on them and that means that if you flip it these same five things become your pathway to becoming happier regardless of where you are in your life and what you're dealing with absolutely that is so cool

well one of the v's I heard you say was venting yes no wonder I'm happy because I do a lot of venting now I actually want to unpack all this because you keep though saying tailor it to the individual what does that mean because I thought that kind of the blueprint is the same for all of us it's not we all have a biopsychosocial but many of us let's say people who have autoimmune conditions we may have to focus more on the biological part because if we have a condition that's really creating a lot of

stress on our bodies and brains then you know it may not make sense to focus on the social part like it doesn't matter how much kale you eat you're still going to have that autoimmune condition so you may have to work with Specialists work on increasing the amount of inflammation in your body from that biological perspective and then work on the psychological and social later for others of us we may have more of the social aspect that's creating stress in our system so it could be a bad relationship with a toxic individual who's literally like

sucking our life force so again you may want to focus there because it doesn't matter how much sleep you're getting you need to be able to get this person out of your life so that you can see clearer and make better decisions and for others we have more psychological components that are creating stress let's say if you have a history of trauma and you are avoiding things you're avoiding living because you're afraid of being triggered I may want to work more with that individual on how to address their trauma response so they can cope better

so yes the 5vs seems like one method but we all want to utilize it differently because we're all unique and different and we all have different biopsychosocial components and the 5 vs that you're about to share with us help you customize what you need to work on now yes that is so cool okay this is personalized medicine basically straight from you so let's unpack this what is the first V in this formula that you have the first V is validation we often are so busy we neglect how we feel we sometimes like you know I'm

guilty of it too be sitting I'll be working and I have to go to the bathroom and I don't even go to the bathroom I'm invalidating how I feel and I recently gave a talk to a group of high powerered women and I asked them how many of you have worked through going to the bathroom through eating and they raised their hands because we don't acknowledge how we feel if you don't acknowledge how you feel you can't do anything about it how on Earth does validating how I feel make me happier knowing how you feel

in itself is a therapeutic act many times we don't understand our emotions we kind of feel like blah numb or we're just going through it but the signs shows us that if we can acknowledge how we feel that in itself decreases the amount of uncertainty as human beings we need to know things feeling that we know what's happening actually decreases uncertainty and decreases stress and we feel better so how do you start this because I think for a lot of us if I think back to today I'm doing okay like this particular day tomorrow who

knows what's going to happen when I wake up but when I think back to moments in my life life where I've been profoundly unhappy I was way too busy I was drinking too much I was gaslighting myself saying I'll just get through it I'll just get through it but if you're in the middle of that or you're profoundly depressed like you're so wired to just keep going or to avoid it how do you even validate your feelings if you've basically been numbing them for a long time so many times we avoid we feel because this

is a trauma response if bad things happen to us and they're emotionally triggering we don't want to think about it so it's natural to not want to say I feel this way because we're afraid that if we acknowledge it something bad will happen and we get triggered and we may go into fight or flight because we are acknowledging this negative emotion but it's important to do this because if we are not acknowledging how we're feeling we're not able to break patterns that may actually be very unhealthy for us I once had a client who who

had a hard time validating how she felt because she was so busy focused on everyone else around her she was busying herself worried about how everyone else felt invalidating them that she was invalidating herself and in our work together we realized that she was the serial people pleaser but in that work having her slow down having her not look outwards but look inwards and understand that okay I'm doing this because I have low self- worth because you know in my past I was neglected that this is the only way that I can show up because

this is the only way I think I'm able to obtain love that allowed her to acknowledge that emptiness that she felt that feeling of low worth that she felt and it wasn't a positive feeling it was a negative feeling it was painful for her but acknowledging it and validating it allowed us to do the work to move forward in a different direction so that her relationships are more balanced and they're healthier a lot of times when you are a people pleaser and you are somebody that cannot say no and you struggle with guilt and then

you're exhausted and you're always last on the list like there's this real kind of weakness that masochism is a strong word and so when you start to call yourself I'm being a masochist which basically means you're destroying yourself if I'm kind of tracking with you here I I you had the benefit of going to therapy the majority of people do not so do you as a psychiat iist running a clinical practice have a tricky question like a sneaky one first no I'm serious the act of learning how to validate how you feel it's very difficult

for a lot of people I remember this funny thing that my mother said once we were talking about therapy and she just kind of quipped well why would I want to go to therapy so I can find out I hate my life and I don't like your father like I don't want to look at myself and we had a good laugh and she was kind of kidding but is there away and I I really mean this for somebody that's never stopped to think about how they're actually feeling because they've been in survival mode or they've

had an experience in life where they've just felt kind of invisible where you could give the person listening a cue or a journal prompt so that they could truly do step one absolutely and and you're going to say it's simple but the first step is ask yourself how do I feel I know it sounds so cheesy but how do I really feel that's like the internal validation people are neod diversion some people can't do that introspection so what I do with some of my clients is I say well because you're a visual learner sometimes it's

helpful for you may not be helpful for someone else to look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and say how am I feeling today and be honest with yourself other people again people learn differently they're more tactile so they use their hands they're more manual so I'll ask them to write how do I feel in some cases where people have something called elexia which is a condition where you have a really hard time pinpointing your emotions I'll actually have a face chart of different emotions and different words and I'll ask them to

Circle how do I feel it sounds very basic but there are people who can't they just either culturally were not taught to validate themselves or in their family it just wasn't the norm or again they have Alexia they just don't know how to identify feelings so depending on the person I have artists sometimes who come to my office and I'll say like when you're playing a song maybe play a song that expresses how you feel so that's how you can self- validate you can verb acknowledge it or you can write it down but it's important

to do it I I think I understand why let me let me give this back to you you can't be sober until you stop drinking and if you want to be happy you're not going to be able to access it if you are going through life denying the fact that you feel overwhelmed or sad or lonely like stopping to acknowledge where you're at opens the door for you to walk through it into a different room yes so what is the second V the second V is venting and I love this one okay if you think

about venting so from the scientific term it's like air is in a bubble and then you let it out and the pressure is released we need to let out our pressure we need to get off let off steam literally right so venting is getting that like when to validate how you feel how do you get it out there for some people I mean I my dad's a pastor they pray you know in the church a lot of people pray and they'll talk to God and they express to God how they're feeling but they don't feel

comfortable telling their partner they don't feel comfortable telling anyone else for others it's talking to a therapist for others it could be to a faith leader and I mentioned I treat artists so sometimes some of my artists will come in and they'll sing a song to me or they'll show me something that they drew I personally vent by using social media because if I'm feeling a certain way I'll create a real or um you know a post to express it and a lot of my younger clients who are in genz like I think now 50%

of gen Z wants to have like a side hustle as being an influencer so they're expr ing their feelings that way venting in that creative Outlet so let me just make sure I get venting because when you said the second V from the research that you've been doing on what you need to be doing in order to become happier based on the research when you said venting I'm like great so my rage texts to my husband are going to make me happier my but that's not what you mean okay well there are dos and don'ts

of venting right okay so give us the Dos because if you validate how you feel which opens the door to having you be able to feel something different then you have to vent but what am I venting exact am I venting bad things am I venting good things you can vent bad or good venting is getting the emotion out once you acknowledge it validating can be acknowledging both perceived good and bad emotions right negative or positive I don't like the word good bad but you know any emotion that you acknowledge you can then vent it

now what you described when you are you know full of Rage or you're emotional that could be perceived as trauma dumping right so like you mean Thursday night and with my clients I do go through the dos and the don'ts like don't vent When You're In the Heat of the Moment right maybe take a beat slow down a bit and think about it um and then you know don't trauma dump you know especially if you're venting to someone who's maybe on a someone who's an employee right that power Dynamic is not fair because they they're

gonna listen they're not gonna be like shut up like you complain all the time they're gonna be like uhhuh yeah boss and then they're gonna go home and then they're going to vent to someone else right so you want to be mindful of making sure that you're not trauma dumping and making sure that you are reflecting and not you know then creating stress for someone else but really I ask people to do a lot of self venting first so say it out loud if you have to you know express it in a song If you

have to but it is helpful to talk to people and you want to think about okay the person that I'm going to repeatedly is it fair is that person okay with it so you can even ask them like hey is it okay if I check in with you I have this problem I know that I come to you often if it ever feels like I'm doing this too much or you feel overwhelmed and it's not reciprocal let me know so there are ways to go about it and which I provide so as part of the

the the 5 vs and I'm sorry I've like got my little brain spinning here are are part of these 5 vs helping you also release the things that are keeping you unhappy yes got it okay so now I'm getting this so a lot of people that do happiness research they start with do these things and then that creates more happiness as a clinical researcher you're saying there are actually things that are in your way from even accessing the advice that a lot of people are giving that if you're let's just take the first one not

even present to your feelings and you haven't validated them you're not going to take the walk if you're not venting which now it sounds like venting is literally releasing the emotion that has you trapped whether it's positive or negative and saying oh I'm sad and or talking to somebody or doing art you're going to stay stuck in that emotion because it's trapped in you and so it's almost like these are hidden obstacles that are keeping you from accessing the happiness that's available to you absolutely oh I just got this okay you're I love the way

that you really break things down because you're absolutely right people automatically think I got to do these things but they're not doing the first Parts which is again this is the democratizing of the mental health that I'm talking about the first parts that's usually what happens in in a therapeutic setting right we get to the we start at the basics and then we work our way up to the action gotcha but when you're skipping that part and you're doing the action you don't even know why you're doing understand it correct you know Dr Joseph I

think I finally understand what you're trying to teach us which is there are all these pieces of advice that do work that allow you to be happier but what you're actually doing is going a layer deeper based on the research and revealing the things that keep you stuck from even accessing the happiness if you do like you take a walk or you reach out to other people if you're still block Ed emotionally if you haven't released the emotion then happiness is going to be fleeting it's like a Band-Aid on a giant wound and so are

these 5 vs the things that are almost like the hidden obstacles to you being able to access happiness they are you know if you think about it as you're going from deeper level to surface level it's a journey and I think that what you're describing so beautifully is that people they want to get this skills in the toolbox but they don't understand the why they don't understand what they're searching for so they're just like you know using these tools but they don't have a Target they don't understand what was behind it and the beginning parts

are so important and that's what I'm talking about with democratizing mental health is that when you sit with a with someone who's a therapist and you work do the work and you're learning a how you feel and how to express it so that you can continue growing in that work then you can start using the tools but a lot of us who've never really worked with anyone or or didn't have success in therapy we're just using the tools but we're it's like no one taught us how to use the tools so we're lost well what's

also really important about this is that if you have somebody in your life who's not happy and I can think of just gosh it was probably I'd say seven years ago my husband was really struggling was after his business had failed and he absolutely had depression he was doing all the things he was meditating he was exercising he was engaging in meaningful work and volunteering as a hospice volunteer he could not access happiness and it's exactly what you're talking about all of his feelings were bottled up inside and in his case it was the shame

that he felt about having lost all this money in the business and feeling like he had failed to provide as a parent and as a husband and as a father and it wasn't until he's he did what you're talking about which is validate how he was feeling and then vent it by starting to actually talk about it and write about it in his journal and then talk about it with me and talk about it with somebody else and when I think about our son Oakley when Oakley was really struggling in school and felt incredibly lonely

he just shut down and it didn't matter how many Lego sets he built or how much time we spent skiing which he loved to do he still would go back to that Baseline of unhappiness and so I think this is also important because when you have somebody that's struggling in your life you tend to kind of throw the things they should be doing at them and this is the deeper stuff that has them blocked so what is uh the third V that somebody needs to do the third is values and you know for myself talked

about how I used to Value education and accolades and all these things but at the end of the day I had to do a deep dive and think about well and when I felt full fed and really purposeful these were this these were the times when I was helping others right and even if I was in this prestigious program in this prestigious field at the time I didn't feel fulfilled I didn't feel fed but what I valued was connecting with people and helping them so I had to go back to the basics as to what

I truly value not what people tell me that I should value not what my family told me I should value but what I truly valued and for some it could be your faith for some it could be your family for others it's a cause that you feel passionate about there are deeper level values and more shallow ones like you know many of us we chase money we Chase materialistic things and I I think that those are more you know shallow because they don't last like when you're in your deathbed you're not going to think oh

I wish I had that pink Porsche you know right the only the only people that remember how much you worked are your kids you're going to think about the people in your life you're going to think about whether or not you created change you're going to think about the Legacy that you left right so I think that really being you know having that self-reflection and thinking about what you truly value what brings you purpose and meaning what makes your life Rich what makes you feel full and fed not the things that are just around you

the objects but things that really give you that sense of purpose as a psychiatrist and iCal practice is there a question is there like some little trick that we can use because I do think that word value it feels awfully big it does and when you're not happy you're not sure what you value and especially if you're listening not even for yourself but you're thinking about somebody that you care about who isn't happy right now is there a question is there an exercise is do you look in the past and see when you were happy

like how can you figure this out for yourself when I have a client in my practice sometimes and I recently had someone come to me and say I just don't remember what I valued anymore so we had to look at the past and I asked her you know when was the last time that you can really remember that you felt full and fed you know I I use these very like table dining room table other than that just like you're spiritually full you're satisfied and we went back to her childhood and around that time you

know her parents were going through a divorce but but right before that she remembered that they would spend a lot of time in nature that they would you know do camping trips and things like that and so we had to look back in her past it took us time but we found that point in time we found the trauma and we uncovered what was blocking her and she hadn't been spending a lot of time in nature she was living in a big city she was busying herself with her important job so I asked her okay

let's you value nature let's start to spend some time there I didn't ask her to go on a hiking trip I asked her to slowly take steps so the first step was you know reading about uh a hike online The Next Step was maybe looking at pictures of it maybe going out and picking out some boots so we did baby steps to get there and eventually she started spending more time in nature and feeling a bit happier you know not to say that her Depression was completely cured but her points of Joy were increasing and

that gave her hope because she felt so lost but knowing that these little things simple things could bring her back to feeling purposeful even for just moments that gave her hope I I have a friend that I saw recently who just was glowing and I said to her what what is going on like you look amazing and she said well you know what I started taking ballet classes as an adult and it was something I did as a kid and I've been feeling this sense that something's missing because my kids are now busy as they're

getting older and I'm not quite sure what fills me up so I just started taking ballet because I used to love it and I'm just and she just looked alive and I offer that up because I think it's a easy way to think about what is something that you haven't done in a long time that you used to enjoy doing hiking taking a class artistic expression that just that little thing you're saying based on the research can open up doors to Greater happiness for you it can and sometimes I have clients who can't remember their

childhood because maybe was so much disruption maybe there was so much trauma and they have a foggy memory so I have other creative ways to help them with their values like think of someone that maybe if you could pick one person that you could sit down and have a coffee with or a drink with who would it be and sometimes they'll be like oh I wish you know if Prince were alive I could sit down with Prince it's like okay so what is it about Prince you know and then we go back to they value

they value music and they used to listen to music they used to go to live shows so there are different creative ways that you can get to finding out what value and you know I some for some of my clients I have to be very concrete and list the values out and then go through them but you can find things that you truly you know bring your life meaning that truly give you a sense of purpose even if you feel like okay I I don't have time for that or I forgot it I can see

now why this is individual these five vs that you're talking about remove the blocks to happiness but they also help you locate the little drivers inside you that you either got too busy or too depressed or too overwhelmed Med to be conscientious about inserting into your life that's really cool I love knowing that these simple things also are tied to all of this research that is coming from your renowned Institute and that's why I'm so appreciative that you're here because sometimes when you hear things that seem like okay I think I might know that already

you tend to blow them off but what I love about your work Dr Jud is that it's the research that makes me feel motivated and compelled to really get serious about trying it and I'm sure as you're listening to Dr Judith you're feeling more motivated to try it too and one of the things that you can do based on the research to boost your happiness is to be connected with people that bring you Joy and so you can spread a little Joy by sharing this life-changing information with somebody that you care about I love learning

from you Dr Judith and I'm so grateful that you're here to share all of the extraordinary insights that you've had now that you've started the happiness lab so Dr Judith what is the fourth fee the fourth is vitals I call I call it the annoying V because whenever you go to your doctor they're going to be like make sure you're eating well you're sleeping well and all these Oh I thought you to say get on the scale I'm like let me take our shoes off first please but you know with my daughter every night I'll

tell her you know we we I I say how many bodies did God give you and she says one and then what do you got to do with it take care of it and I think it's a very basic you know story it makes my heart really tender but we only have one body that was so beautiful thank you would you say that again what you say to your daughter I asked her you know how many bodies did God give you and she says one and what do we have to do with it take care

of it it's so true and regardless of what you believe when it comes to spirituality you just have one body and it's your job to take care of it it's actually your responsibility and I love that word responsibility because if you break it apart it's your ability to respond and no matter what's going on if you really take the fourth V to heart in the way that you're about to explain it to us like you do have the ability to respond to the circumstances of your life and make better decisions and choices about how you

take care of this one body that you have cuz a lot of us just it's like a afterthought and then we wonder why we're not happy what are the most important things when it comes to this fourth V and vital and taking care of this one body you have well I I love vitals because vitals kind of looks at the biopsychosocial and if you if you look at at the diagram online they overlap the ven uh diagram so it has a lot of the biological components like the things that we eat many times you know

we eat things that have are so processed that are not full of Nutri nutrients and that causes inflammation to rise in our body inflammation makes our brains unhappy makes us more anxious and depressed makes our sleep worse makes our body feel icky and then you know the so there are certain foods that you can eat that are rich in vitamins and omega-3 fatty acids like fish leafy greens berries that are good for your brain like um in our happiness lab we do a demonstration where we have everyone eat a blueberry and we're like you know

what within an hour you're going to have blood rushing to your brain because that's how powerful a single blueberry is and so very powerful antioxidant anti- cancer just so just so full of nutrients and so learning that food has so much power in terms of your happiness I it's a reframe for me so when I start eating my salmon and my and my spinach I'm like I am doing such good things for my body right now I'm loving myself I'm taking care of my body and that is I'm self validating I'm venting you know like

you're tying all the bees together you are you're right because you're talking about how you feel and you're talking out loud to yourself you value taking care of yourself and now you're taking care of your body as our um doctor even though you can't truly like you're not really our doctor but if you could give us one directive in terms of this fourth fee what is the single most important thing to do in your opinion if you could just remember one to take better care of your vital to open the door to happiness well in

the vitals there's one that doctors neglect doctors don't ask you about the quality of your relationships oh and Longevity science shows that the number one factor for longevity for good outcomes are your relationships but you know doctors are constricted with insurance and they only have 15 minutes to get everything in so they're not asking you about that right your relationships are so important and there was this um I can't remember I think a Tik tocker and she went on and she was like saying that she was so lonely she hadn't had human touch in like

months during the pandemic and she was just like and it's called like I think skin starvation where you don't have that touch relationships are so important they determine your long-term happiness your health so pay attention to them don't ignore your relationships and I think that's an important part in the vital so I talk about how every day I talk to my daughter and I tell her you know how important she is and how there's only one her and there will only ever be one her like when I'm talking to your followers there will only ever

be one you take care of yourself make sure you're getting that connection so yes the vitals include things like sleep movement eating well limiting your screen time because that's another vital we neglect we don't talk about how technology impedes our health and how I think one day in the DSM 5 there's going to be a whole section related to how Technologies is impacting our mental health but these are all important vitals but I think that the quality of your relationships they're so important and what's the fifth V the fifth is Vision many times we're so

busy that we are not planning our happiness we're not looking forward we're not celebrating our wins and I'm not talking about the big ones I'm talking about even the small ones like if you got your kid to school on time you know sit down have a sip of coffee and say wow like I'm really I'm a good parent like I did that um and also just like planning joy we don't take the time to do that we check the boxes but we don't really look forward to the future and if we don't have things to

look forward to in the future we're going to feel stuck in the past I think that's I think you see it for sure when you have somebody in your life that is unhappy that when they wake up they're not happy with the life that they're in and with where they are in life is there a simple thing that you tell your patient to do that helps them have a vision that makes them happy with where they're going in life and with where they are yes I mean I have so many different tools that I give

them but uh one of my favorite is the Time Capsule tool so okay what that we walk us through that it's a it's a very traditional thing but it's like what are the things in your life that you are looking forward to in the future let's put it in this time capsule and let's set a date as a family for us to dig it up right so the and I ask you can do this as an individual can do this as an individual so let's just say you're an individual and you're unhappy and you're about

to do the Time Capsule exercise can you walk us through it yeah so if you value right your family you may want to put a picture of them in there and then a little note saying I want to have more interactions with this person if you value music and you want to have more live music experiences I'm going to try and put something in there that I'm going to work towards maybe it's seeing my favorite artist playing maybe it's finally going to a concert if it's about your health you're going to put something in there

like okay I want to get more movement in so in the future I'm going to write my a note to myself that I'm going to get more steps some of us don't get enough steps because we're so sedentary in our ways but then if we have this physical thing and the reason that I came up with this is because um I've traveled the world learning about how we view happiness differently I noticed that a lot of cultures have little shrines and I it made me curious about that like what is it about that symbolism that's

so powerful sometimes we have to create our own little shrines to remind us right because again many of us are Nur div verion we learn differently so having that visual that tactile that sensory reminder helps us to have something to look forward to and my my clients love it they love to like be their own like happiness archaeologist and like put together this time capsule and then have something they could dig up in the future it doesn't have to be a year it could be like two months but we dig it up together and we

explore like how did we do and I think it's a creative fun way for people to stay on track and to have something that keeps them moving forward how do you like how does because I know you research the heck out of absolutely everything you recommend so how does the physical act of creating a vision help you feel happier you're using all of your senses to stay present it is something that you are you need the the sense of touch for you need the sense of sight some of the things in there could be Emo

of smell or sound but it keeps you grounded and present in this act of love to yourself and like I I mentioned a lot of my clients are neurod Divergent they need those different stimulus to be able to stay focused and they need something to physically look forward to many of us can't be as abstract many of us need those concrete reminders so and something we can do together it creates that sense of connection that Community yeah and there are many other ways tools that I have for keeping you know yourself on Vision this is

just one of them for others that would never work other another one for for my busy moms I asked I pull I told them to open up their calendar and we literally sit and we plan joy and it sounds of like cheesy but I a busy mom you're like are you kidding me I've got a little laundry to do well what I find in my office is that people will open up their calendars and there's like zero Joy there they planned everything else they have the kids soccer they have you know their their work schedule

they have chores but there's no joy so we color coat The Joy differently and it keeps them accountable again people are visual some people are very visual if they see that there's planned joy and it's blocked out for every one you're set you're doing multiple things you're setting boundaries you're setting a reminder and you're prioritizing joy and a lot of people if it's not in their calendar it's not going to happen so given that you have been researching all of these factors that it seems like especially since you do all this clinical research around mental

health and prescription drugs it seems to me that these are not only factors that help you access happiness and create a customized blueprint or formula for bringing more happiness they also seem like the things that are missing when you're dealing with somebody that has say treatment resistant depression or that's really struggling with a diagnosable issue that these are also the factors that you see that are present when you have someone that's struggling that they don't have a vision that they're not taking care of themselves in terms of the vital things from sleep and eating and

connection that we all know we need to do to the not talking about how they feel to not even understanding how they feel to not even having something that they value that could be as small as gardening or being part of a book club that those things are missing from someone's life is that a fair guess on my part it is you just described the biopsychosocial such a simple way but yes these are all the components that make up an individual you know we forget that real happiness is the sensation it's the plethora of sensation

when you're feeling lonely being connected when you're hungry feeling fed when you're tired feeling rested you know all of these things make up what happiness is but we forget about it because we get so focused on just the biology like just the medicine that we forget that there are other parts of our lives that if we can just shape them a bit differently if we have some you know control over the direction of those factors that we could actually have more sustainable happiness and joy wow I mean that makes a lot of sense to me

especially when I think about the fact that one of the biggest uh signs of of depression or somebody struggling is that they ruminate and they stay in their head which they're not truly able to validate how they feel and start venting it because they're in an echo Co chamber that's really cool that this is what you're doing is there anything else that's come out of all this research that you want to make sure that we know well I mean I think for women in particular you know we have twice the rate of depression anxiety that

men have you know women are twice as likely to have depression and anxiety that that's like that always hits me I'm like oh my gosh well when we think about bioc psychosocial from a biological standpoint you know we all we have different hormones and our hormones at times makes us vulnerable I do a lot of work with postpartum depression and with a per menopause and how moods impact our emotions and our behaviors Society wise soal you know the social part we're expected to show up for others you know life is unfair we get paid less

we work very hard and we have so many roles many of us are taking care of our kids and our parents you know and we have jobs and then from the psycho part you know you know women have high high rates of trauma we have high rates again of you know depression anxiety we have past things that happen to us you when we attach to others we're more prone to be in you know relationships that could be toxic right so there's a lot that's happening for women and I think we have to acknowledge that and

women in particular need to take care of themselves it doesn't mean that hormones makes you crazy and wild and emotional it just means that acknowledging that okay when I have my period I'm going to be more vulnerable when I'm going through the postpartum period I'm going to be more vulnerable when I'm going through param menopause this is happening to me acknowledging that these things happen and I think that for my patients is very validating they're like oh I understand this so sometimes we'll plan the periods if we know your period is coming in two weeks

you're going to get more support you're not going to work as hard if you're someone thinking about having a child a lot of my patients do and we do a lot of planning around that and if you're hitting your 30s late 30s early 40s I'm like hey think about Perry menopause you know so I think the knowledge the knowing that this is happening helps you to plan your happiness not just be a passive participant in this role you can actually do things to support yourself better I I think that's so important I remember when I

started going through menopause I thought I was going crazy the brain fog the forget about the sweating I mean that was awful too but just what was happening to me psychologically and I suffered for too many years because I didn't do what you're teaching us which is validate that this was happening and then vent to somebody and all of these steps kind of get you to stop and drop in and realize that you have the ability to make a decision that you're not just going to let all of this stuff happen and be at the

effect or the victim of it that there are little levers that you can pull that it sound like sounds like based on the research make a huge difference absolutely yeah and understanding that you know women are more empathic they when someone is hurt women are more likely to feel that pain with them and it doesn't mean that we're weaker we're just different so understanding the different components of your happiness understanding the signs of your happiness and tailoring it to you I think people will have more success they'll feel less lost and to your point with

the mission this is a way to work on how you're feeling without the prescription drugs or with it you know you may need it and that's totally fine that's a part of the puzzle it's you know it's it's a reason why like I said we're not all on anti-depressants there are so many pieces of the puzzle and it's for some people they're going to need medication but others they won't but we can work on your happiness from all different angles so Dr Judith could you speak directly to the person that's here with us and if

there's one thing that they take away from this conversation they actually do right what is the one thing that is the most important thing in your opinion for them to do I often say mental health is yours you know we all have physical health we all have bodies but we all have brains we all have mental health you may not have a diagnosed mental health condition but you have mental health take care of it learn about it be curious nurture it and make it fun make it creative bring it back to your roots I'm a

Caribbean American woman when I think about movement I'm not just going to go on a stair master I'm going to do my you know my whining my dancing because that bilateral stimulation makes my left brain talk to my right brain and makes me happier so be creative with it think about your past bring it into your tailor treatment for yourself mental health is yours you just forgot about it and what are your parting words I think we can all live a happier life I truly believe that if we practice the 5 vs and we do

a lot of self-reflection not only will we be happier but happiness will be contagious we're going to think about other people differently when you see someone you're going to think about their biopsychosocial and why they're so grumpy why they're so upset all the time we'll have more compassion we'll make Society better the world be a better place so if somebody's unhappy one of these are missing or more I think so and for some they're going to have to work more on One V versus the other initially the biggest mistake is when people try to do

all the 5vs at once and then they're like oh this is too much pick one you know will it work if I just pick one well I feel happier in research we use points okay we use rating scales talking to patients and adding up points but this is important because when we're adding up points we're adding up Sensations we're adding up things like sleep we're adding up things like feeling connected to people we're adding up things like energy well-being these are all things that make up in research what we call happiness and so I think

if people knew that and they understood happiness from that framework they wouldn't feel like they're on this mission to this elusive thing that will never happen because if you think about happiness as all these Sensations in life and you're just trying to get more points of it then it is attainable so it's not a singular thing no it's like an accumulation I'm a big flower person so it's like all these things coming together in a giant bouquet and I take it the five vs are all little points that or flower buds or whatever that you

could add in to build happiness in your life little points you will get there it is a process right and I think a lot of us want the Quick Fix but you you'll get there slow that's taking the pill you know like want the Quick Fix which is why I'm like just I I will try that not to diminish how life-changing they can be but you have been researching this and it can be really discouraging when you're not happy yes and so what are you seeing based on the research that if you truly Embrace these

five V's these things that are within your control regardless of how you feel or where you live in the world what are you seeing is possible in terms of the good news if you focus on these five things just think about this in most research we don't use the word happy we try to eradicate points of depression so reframe it instead of thinking I don't feel happy yet think about the points of Joy think about okay did acknowledging how I felt did that decrease stress because again happiness is not this one picture it's these this

plethora of feelings so that decreased anxiety that's a part of happiness you know that slowing down and feeling rested that is a part of Happiness so try your best to reframe it and think about how many different points can I get in a day versus I just want to be fixed I just want this to happen that reframe is so powerful because my clients will come in and say you know what I started thinking about it in terms of points of joy and I felt good because today I was able to get three points of

joy you know that's three more points than yesterday and build on that and you will find that slowly over time you will be happier well Dr Judith Joseph thank you for the research that you do thank you for coming all the way here to the Boston Studios to share the latest research that you're working on there is no doubt in my mind that if the person listening actually takes this to heart and their patient and they apply the 5 vs to find their blueprint for happiness that they are going to feel happier thank you so

much for having me this is so much fun you're welcome and thank you for choosing to listen to something that could help you be happier and help you improve your life I just think that is amazing that you're investing the time in yourself and in case no one else tells you I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your power to create a better life and part of that is you doing the work to take better care of yourself and to become a

little happier and you deserve that and now you have some research and some tools that I truly hope you will be using and I can't wait to hear how they impact your life and the people that you care about all righty I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode I'll see you there one more thing I know you're thinking oh my God Mel I want to watch more um do me a favor first hit subscribe because that tells me you love this kind of content and it also supports me in being able to

bring you all of this inspir ation and these research back strategies every single day so just hit subscribe please please please thank you thank you thank you and also I know you probably want some more inspiration Something Beautiful to watch so check out this video next I picked it for you I know you're going to enjoy it